


The Comeback Kid

by grimeysociety



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - School, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Anal Sex, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Cunnilingus, Darcy Lewis Is a Good Bro, Double Penetration, F/M, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jewish Darcy Lewis, Jewish Wanda Maximoff, Librarian Darcy Lewis, M/M, OT3, Open Relationships, POV Darcy Lewis, Panic Attack Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Teacher Steve Rogers, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:08:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 168,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22541497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimeysociety/pseuds/grimeysociety
Summary: Darcy, after her boyfriend suddenly leaves her, is forced to reinvent her life. This means taking a job at a private school as their new library technician. While struggling to learn the nuances of Sacred Heart, Darcy is drawn to Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes... and she's pretty sure they're secretly dating.
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Darcy Lewis, James "Bucky" Barnes/Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 3038
Kudos: 1221
Collections: Ladies of Marvel Bingo 2019





	1. Part One: That Fucking Weasel

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm a mess. Welcome! 
> 
> This story has been brewing for over a year, ever since I finished my library studies course back at the end of 2018. I was given the mammoth task of moving an entire elementary school's library collection in the space of a few days, and almost every moment I was there, I kept thinking about bringing Darcy, Steve and Bucky into it somehow. So this is finally happening! 
> 
> I'm also going to work a couple of my Ladies of Marvel Bingo 2019 squares into this, specifically O2: "When I first saw you, I saw love.", M2: "Wonderland", and N3: "Wait! If I fall - you will catch me, right?"
> 
> For anyone that may be offended by my using a Catholic elementary school as the background of an OT3 fic... please take everything I say about organized religion in general with a generous grain of salt. This is fiction. I don't aim to hurt anyone for what they believe in. Darcy's experiences in this story (at least, the school side of things) are based on my own. 
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw) (as well as the [alternate album covers](https://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/post/613520084621721600/the-two-alternate-covers-for-the-comeback-kid))  
> [more Comeback author notes](https://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/tagged/comeback%20kid)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)

_Will I always feel the same?_  
 _Oh, where the fuck my mind go?_  
 _You might wanna check under the table..._  
\- **"Same" by Deb Never**

_Options, runnin' out of options_  
 _Hmm, options, used to have options..._  
\- **"NO HALO" by BROCKHAMPTON**

**Part One:  
  
That Fucking Weasel  
  
  
**

**SUMMER**

“Casey, I’ve read this sentence six times.”

Darcy pulled the earphones out and gave the younger woman her full attention. The poor thing was shrugging helplessly, her hand covering the mouthpiece of the landline receiver.

“It’s Ned, I’m sorry –”

Darcy took the phone, swapping seats with her, putting the phone to her ear as she tried to remedy the situation.

“Hello, Ned? It’s Darcy.”

The man on the other end was already yelling, sounding frustrated.

_“Hello? Can I – Am I calling the foot doctor? Hello?”_

“Ned! I don’t think you can hear me! It’s Darcy. Hello? Ned?”

_“Darcy?”_

“Yes, it’s Darcy,” she half-yelled, giving Casey a thumbs-up. “You’ve got an appointment with us tomorrow at 11. We’ll see you then!”

 _“Eleven?”_ Ned repeated. _“Okay. I’ll see ya.”_

Darcy hung up and she let out a low sigh, swapping seats with Casey again. She glanced at the clock, then at the screen in front of her. It was mid-morning at the podiatry clinic, both of the receptionists on duty running steadily through the routine. Darcy had been writing another letter to be sent out for auditing purposes, and if it was her working alone she’d be doing them in her sleep. She’d had plenty of dreams of her writing reports and doing work that was piling up and up. Today she was training Casey, reviewing what she’d already written, listening to the Dictaphone, her boss’ voice in her ear.

“Please confirm Ned’s appointment, Casey. The right-click, yeah…”

Casey sat back, giving a little smile when she was done. She was beginning to remember everything, and Darcy could remember that distinct relief. That _Thank God something’s finally going right kind_ of feeling. She didn’t want to burst her bubble, but she found several errors in the letter Casey had typed out.

“No, it’s _hyperkeratosis_ ,” she said, picking up her pencil and crossing out the spelling mistake. She tried not to see Casey’s face fall. “And _onychauxic_.”

She handed it back to Casey, standing up.

“All good. Just fix those and we’ll send it off. I’m going on my break.”

She patted Casey’s shoulder and stepped away, walking down the corridor to the break room, seeing Patrick sitting at the table with his sandwich in his hands.

“Hey,” he mumbled, mouth full. “She doing okay?”

Darcy made a so-so movement with her hand. She hoped he’d keep that to himself, since Casey was his wife’s little cousin. Patrick was the podiatrist, and probably the best boss Darcy had ever had. He was at least one of the friendliest ones she’d had, pulling out the chair beside him for her to sit down with her yoghurt she retrieved from the fridge.

“She’s fine,” she amended, pulling up the chair as she sat down, the legs scraping across the linoleum. “You can tell Linda she’s doing a great job.”

Patrick gave a little chuckle, shaking his head. “I swear, I won’t bring another one like her in again, I like you too much.”

“Well, maybe not so much when I abandon you at 5.30.”

She was referring to what she’d already reminded him of twice that day. She needed to leave a little early tonight because Ian asked her to that morning when she jumped out of bed. Her boyfriend didn’t ask her to do that often, to come home early, unless it was a special occasion. She had already read into it enough to start thinking about engagement announcements. She didn’t want to call her mother but she knew she’d be the first one of her family to know. She hoped Ian didn’t cry too much, because Darcy knew she would when he got down on one knee. She always liked hearing how other people got together, even when people said “oh we met online”. She wanted to ask what exactly drew people to one another.

She took a spoonful of her yogurt and shoved it into her mouth, smirking at Patrick.

“How’d you and Linda meet?”

“Group of friends, mutual friends at a bar,” he murmured, looking away. He blinked. “Christ. I think about that time, all the uncertainty, and now…”

He’d been married several years. Darcy didn’t necessarily like Linda very much, since she was perpetually condescending and always acted like work was what kept Patrick from her, and therefore Darcy was in part to blame, but she thought Patrick seemed happy with her.

Also he’d paid for her boob job last year, not that they ever spoke about it, but Darcy more than noticed those things when she was at his fortieth birthday party last year.

“I feel like we’ve been married longer than we’ve known each other,” he murmured. “I know that doesn’t make sense.”

“I get it,” Darcy said, ducking her head, smiling. “Me and Ian met seven years ago, and I can’t remember life without him. I don’t remember how I used to feel. It’s so weird.”

Patrick nodded, finishing his next mouthful.

“I was a kid when I met him,” she added, rolling her eyes. “How’d you propose?”

“Didn’t really, sort of decided it together,” Patrick murmured. “I didn’t get down on one knee, it was after – uh…”

Darcy watched his face change, his cheeks flushing, and she began to chuckle.

“Yeah, we were both in a really good mood, you could say.”

“Right,” Darcy said, laughing. “Good to know.”

They lapsed into silence and Patrick nodded, chewing. He finished the rest of his food and balled up the plastic wrapping to throw away, checking his watch.

“I better get back.”

“Yeah,” Darcy said. “I’ll be right out.”

He paused at the sink after he washed his hands, drying them on the towel that hung over the oven handle.

“Hey, congratulations, when it does happen,” he said, and Darcy looked up.

He was smiling at her and she returned it, feeling a familiar warmth in her stomach.

“Thanks, Pat,” she murmured.

He left her there and she watched him leave. Unable to truly be professional, her eyes fell to his rear as he went out the door. He wore forty well. She knew his schedule, she knew what he ate for the most part, and she knew that he worked out. If she met him on the street, she’d think he was some kind of sports psychologist or physical therapist if he told her he was a doctor. His clientele was mostly elderly people, the majority of them diabetic, and feet was the last thing that came to mind where Patrick was concerned.

Darcy’s best friend Jane had the pleasure of meeting him once last year, grinning at him like she couldn’t stop herself, and ever since then he was Hot Doctor, or Hot Boss when she and Darcy spoke on the phone.

He was very handsome, and very kind to Darcy, considering how much shit she put him through for the first six months she was there. The office manager had quit, the archives were a mess, and Darcy wasn’t going to put up with it. She drew a line in the sand and fixed so much, and made sure it wouldn’t be so disorganized ever again. It had happened soon after she finished her library studies diploma, and she’d been hoping to use her new qualification somewhere else, but she still got to flex her diligent cataloging skills from time to time.

She returned to the front desk five minutes later, after sending Jane a text:

**_I think Ian is proposing tonight_ **

**_-_ **

She couldn’t keep the thrill from coursing through her, grabbing her bag from under the desk with her phone. She smiled at Casey.

The waiting room had an elderly couple waiting, the Needlers, who both rose their hands to wave goodbye to her as she slipped out down the corridor.

She stuck her head in Patrick’s office, seeing him throw out a plastic sheet, preparing for the next client. She knocked on the doorframe and he spun around.

“You’re gone?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I have my phone in case, y’know… something blows up. Or if Casey blows something up.”

“Have a good night,” he said, and she smiled. “I’ll have a beer in your honor.”

She laughed, turning away and walked out, her stomach flipping. On the drive over, she tried to keep herself calm, but she kept bopping along to the songs on the radio. She kept watching the people in the street. She saw a couple with their toddler in a stroller with a dog on a leash.

She could picture it. A few years ago she’d have rolled her eyes at such a suggestion – her, as a married woman with a kid? But now she’d settled into the podiatrist clinic, she could feel things were stable enough. It wasn’t so crazy. People fell in love all the time, and stayed together...

She pulled up at the apartment block, switching off the car, taking a few deep breaths. She got out and walked up, seeing kids playing in the street.

She paused in the hallway, taking out her deodorant to spritz as subtly as she could. It was August, and her A/C was still broken – she was saving up – and she didn’t want any memory of the proposal to be tainted by her body odor. She stuck the can back in her bag and unlocked the front door, stepping inside and looking around.

“Hi!”

She was tempted to yell out “honey, I’m home” but she was so excited she blurted out the first thing that came to mind, and Ian appeared a few seconds later, his hands in his pockets as she moved down the hallway.

She moved to kiss him on the cheek and he took out a hand, touching her arm.

“I got here as quick as possible. Patrick wasn’t too swamped, thank fuck…”

She gave a little laugh, taking his hand in hers, their fingers twining together. He walked with her in silence, until they reached the living room, and he promptly let her go, gesturing to the person sitting on the couch.

“Darcy, you remember Amy.”

Amy was a petite blonde woman, her hair so light it was almost white. She wore a pastel pink dress, looking like she’d come straight from a garden party. Darcy tried to place her and finally did – she was a friend of theirs through Ian’s sister. She flashed a wide smile, and Darcy watched as Ian moved to sit beside Amy.

“Hi,” Darcy said, shaking her head a little to right herself, trying not to feel the disappointment begin to settle in. She’d completely mistaken this occasion. It was unusual that he didn’t tell her it was Amy coming over. She felt like she’d be better prepared.

She froze as Ian’s hand slipped down to rest on Amy’s thigh, squeezing it.

“Could you sit down, Darce?”

“What’s going on?” she said, staring at his hand. She looked at Amy, seeing her smile falter.

Ian turned his head to look at Amy.

“Darling, could you get her a glass of water?”

Amy nodded, standing up. Darcy gaped after her. She knew where the glasses were in her apartment.

“I was hoping we’d talk about it like adults,” Ian said, his voice soft.

She snapped her eyes to meet his.

“I appreciate you getting here quickly tonight.”

Amy returned with a glass of water, handing it to Darcy. She held it, staring at Ian and Amy on the couch.

“Sit down.”

“I don’t want to take this sitting down,” Darcy blurted. “Whatever this is.”

“I’m moving out,” Ian said, his tone changing. He was edging toward defensive. “I thought it was better that way. I’m moving into Amy’s place.”

She woke up this morning with a completely different person. At least, it felt that way. Darcy could feel she’d gone into shock, unable to feel much at all as he went on in his English lilt.

“I’ll come by when you’re at work, to take my things. We started packing this afternoon.”

Darcy studied Amy’s hand resting in her lap, her nails squared off and clean.

“How long has this been happening?”

Ian stopped mid-sentence, something about an internet bill that Darcy had tuned out. He blinked, clearing his throat.

“Uh, I suppose about eighteen months.”

She let out a breath, looking down at the glass in her hand.

“Okay.”

“I know it’s hard to hear –”

“You don’t know how it feels to hear this,” Darcy said, looking up again, staring him down. “You have no idea.”

She hadn’t been cheated on before. She’d seen her mother go through it.

“Those trips, the ones to California?” she asked, looking at Amy.

The blonde nodded. “Yes.”

“Well,” Darcy murmured, finally putting the glass to her lips to drink, unblinking. “That makes sense.”

He had a West Coast franchise she knew nothing about. She let out a harsh little chuckle, only because it was the only other thing she could do instead of crying. She felt her eyes prickle.

“We’ll go,” Ian said, glancing at Amy.

In that moment, Darcy truly hated them both. She wasn’t sure who she’d attack first if there were no repercussions. Ian would be harder to overpower, since he had the reach of a basketball player. Attacking Amy would be satisfying if she managed to make her scream. She looked elf-like in her features, except for the ample cleavage she had partially hidden beneath her dress.

He was her type, then. Little and curved in all the right places. Except she seemed to be daintier than Darcy ever could be, moving off the couch gracefully, moving into the corridor.

Ian lingered, and Darcy clutched the glass a little tighter, glaring at him.

“Darcy, I know it’s not right –”

“It’s not,” Darcy bit out.

“- but I wanted to be honest.”

Why couldn’t he have broken up with her months ago, years ago? She thought of the last time they had sex and it had another dimension to it – he’d teared up at the time, and she thought he was in one of his rare overwhelmed moments. At the time, she’d comforted him, thinking he’d be embarrassed by being overcome with love.

He’d been crying because he felt guilty.

“So when you _came inside me_ the other night –”

Ian’s eyes widened slightly and she hoped Amy heard every word.

“- you didn’t think that was the ideal time to be honest?”

“Darcy –”

“Whatever, you’re in love. You don’t want anyone to think you’re an asshole,” she muttered, scowling at him. “But _are_ an asshole, Ian. You’re an asshole.”

He drew back, his jaw set. He let out a sigh.

“Fine, I’m gone.”

“ _Go_ ,” she snapped, and she turned away, doing her best to suppress the sob that bubbled up.

When she heard the front door shut and she knew she was alone, she let out a gasp, the echoing quiet of the apartment haunting her. She put down the water and sunk to the floor, putting her face in her hands.

-

She spent the night looking back on seven years, wondering when he decided to betray her. She tried to think of a moment that was the catalyst. Was it when they moved in together? Eighteen months ago she was at the podiatrist clinic. Ian was working for the investment firm.

She remembered they told each other they were soulmates. She’d never been closer to someone in her entire life.

He’d hardly spoken to Amy the night they met her. It was his sister’s engagement party and she was a random stranger in the background, someone Darcy had never thought she should note. Ian was her person, and she was his.

Amy?

_Amy?_

She hardly slept, crying and fuming, rolling around, so alone. She wanted a time machine. She wanted ignorance. She wanted to find the moment when he switched. She still wanted him, despite how confused and furious she felt.

How had she not seen this coming? Had he hinted at it, ever? Had he laid clues somewhere for her to find? She’d never suspected it. He was always such a dork, he had no ability to flirt with anyone but her in his clumsy, awkward way.

She dragged herself down to the clinic and opened up for the morning, feeling puffy-eyed and exhausted. She heard Patrick come in and walk up behind her like he did every day, and she thought of what to say, every option sounding so humiliating and stupid.

“Hi,” she murmured, unable to force the smile. “Your files are there for the morning.”

Her voice was rough and she cleared her throat. She kept her eyes on the screen, pulling up the emails. She began scrolling and heard Patrick pick up the stack of files.

“Bit of a rush today?”

“Yeah,” she replied, nodding. She was thankful that he wasn’t asking her anything personal. He sounded subdued.

She turned around, seeing him search her face and she smiled, a little one that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Ned Campbell will probably run late. His daughter’s meant to pick him up and she’s in Buffalo.”

“I’ll try to work around it,” Patrick replied, and he gave a little smile of his own. “Get yourself a coffee, okay?”

“Yeah, I’m on it,” she said, standing up fast, walking out before he could say anything else.

She covered her mouth as she waited for the coffee to pour through the machine. She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue when she returned to her desk, hearing the first clients come in.

“Shelly, hi,” she called to the little old lady. “You didn’t bring Buffy!”

Buffy was her dog. Shelly waved at Darcy, shaking her head.

“Too hot in the car. And on the pavement, too…”

“Right, that’s a good call,” Darcy said.

She was able to lapse into the role soon enough, except every half an hour or so she’d come back to the realization that last night was not a dream and she’d blink up at the ceiling. It was harder when Casey came in, fifteen minutes late, her smile dropping when she saw no ring on Darcy’s finger.

“Bummer,” she said. “I brought you prosecco.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” Darcy said, waving her off. “We… we broke up, actually.”

Casey’s eyes bulged and she scooted closer to Darcy, her mouth falling open.

“No! Why? What happened?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Darcy said, and she went back to the paperwork in the pile next to her, scanning the text. “We need to work on this letter together.”

She took her lunch break later than usual, but she wasn’t able to avoid Patrick, since Casey passed on the bad news. His eyes were trained on her as she slipped into the chair next to him.

“Are you alright, Darcy?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“I don’t need to go home,” she murmured.

She opened her yogurt and scooped some out, taking a mouthful. It tasted too sweet. In truth, she wanted a stiff drink, but this would have to do for now. She realized she hadn’t answered his question.

“I’ll be okay,” she added.

“Are you sure?” Patrick asked, and he looked toward the doorway. “We could manage, if you want to go…”

“I’ll stay,” she said, patting his hand on the table. “I might even stay back, there’s shit to do.”

Her cursing always made him smile at her and he didn’t disappoint. They ate in silence, until Darcy heard Casey calling for her, sounding out of sorts.

The rest of the afternoon flew by, and Darcy sent Casey home, telling her she’d do the end of day banking and paperwork. Casey gave her a little sympathetic hug that made Darcy want to shove her away, but instead she patted her shoulder twice before they drew apart.

“You know, if you need someone to talk to, I’m always here,” Casey whispered. “I’m the one all my girlfriends talk to.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks,” Darcy murmured, trying her best to grin and bear it.

Casey held up the little bottle of prosecco, enough for two drinks, handing it to Darcy.

“Thanks,” Darcy said again.

When she was finally alone she let her head fall onto the desk, hitting it there a couple times, sighing when she sat up again. She grabbed the prosecco, twisting it open and put it to her lips, taking a long gulp. She added up the cash in the till, taking sips from the little bottle, moving steadily through the work.

“Hey, Darce?”

Patrick was calling to her from down the corridor and she stopped midway through shutting down her computer.

“Yeah?”

He didn’t answer and she frowned, ducking down to grab her belongings, snatching her prosecco before trudging down the corridor, stepping into his office.

Patrick was sitting back in his chair, a beer open, his sleeves pushed down to his elbows. His eyes fell to Darcy’s bottle and he smirked.

“Glad to see I’m not the only one who can drink on the job,” he murmured.

“Yeah.”

She walked in, throwing her bag on the floor as she sat in the special chair, putting her bottle to her lips again. Technically, neither of them were working.

“How long will you stay back?” she asked, Patrick’s back to her once more as he opened his emails up again, scrolling down.

He gave a little shrug. “I dunno. Don’t really want to go.”

He clicked off, turning again, and Darcy watched him move closer, looking at her sneakers. She’d replaced her kitten heels with them, since no-one was meant to be impressed by her after 5PM, at least no clients.

She nodded, thinking of having to drag herself back to the empty apartment, to see the photos on the shelves and the two sets of everything all over the place. Ian had left his toothbrush in his hurry yesterday, and that morning she’d contemplated scrubbing the toilet bowl with it and not telling him.

“I don’t wanna go home,” she whispered.

Patrick got up and Darcy stared at him, sitting back in the chair as he moved toward her, his hand coming up…

“Darcy –”

“What’re you doing?” she cut in, and she felt his hand touching her face, tracing her cheekbone.

He’d never come this close to her before. She’d given him a hug before, like at his birthday party, but this felt like something beyond a platonic touch. He was watching her, licking his lips nervously.

“We could maybe – I thought, I-I…”

“Patrick,” she whispered, and he lowered his face to meet hers, pulling her into an embrace.

She felt his lips brush against her neck and she went still.

“Patrick. Pat. _Honey_ –”

“God, I want you,” he breathed, and he drew back, searching her face. “I think you and Ian breaking up was a sign, for me to finally do something…”

“What are you talking about? Since when?” Darcy said, her eyes widening.

“Since always,” he said, and he kissed her, a peck on the lips.

Darcy’s face felt hot and she felt like she couldn’t breathe, her heart racing as he kissed her again, deeper, his tongue pressing into her mouth as he moaned.

“I love you,” he breathed, pulling back, and Darcy shook her head.

“You don’t love me,” she whispered.

“Yes, I do,” he said, and he kissed her neck, moving down.

Darcy kept still as his hand went under her skirt, reaching between her thighs, and she was pulled back the second his fingers brushed the seam of her, over the crotch of her underwear.

“I have to go,” she yelped, and she pushed him against his chest, stumbling off the chair and grabbing her bag from the floor.

“Darcy, can we talk about this?” he said, and she shook her head. He was sitting on the floor, reality catching up with him, too. “Oh, fuck…”

He passed a hand over his face and Darcy closed her eyes to steady herself.

“I won’t come in tomorrow,” she said, and he nodded.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he said, and she nodded, just trying to get out the door, inching toward it. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

“Please don’t,” Darcy breathed, and she ducked out, feeling the blood rushing in her ears as she fled, the door slamming behind her.

She got to her car and slammed the door shut, breathing heavily as she tried to understand what the fuck had just happened. And she felt, beneath it all, that she was turned on.

“Oh, God,” she gasped, putting her face in her hands, letting her face rest on the steering wheel.

She tried to think of what to do, her mind going to that office, picturing racing back in and confronting Patrick by climbing on top of him and kissing him. The last 24 hours had been hell, and she might be lonely enough to do that – but she knew, not even deep down, that she’d hate herself for it. He was married, for fuck’s sake.

“Oh, God,” she said again with a groan.

She shoved the keys in the ignition and took off down the street, flipping through the channels on her radio until she found a song she knew.

She began to sob as she sat at the traffic lights, _Angel Of The Morning_ unable to drown her out. A woman stared as she crossed the road, since Darcy made such a racket. She cranked up the speakers louder, her car shuddering with the bass.

She bought a frozen pizza and a giant family-sized Caesar salad, before stopping by the liquor store, where she grabbed two cold 40s and retreated to her apartment. She drank and ate while she watched _Love Actually_ and cat videos, growing more miserable the drunker she got.

-

She fumbled for her phone the following morning, her head throbbing with the hangover headache she sustained, and she saw Jane was FaceTiming her as she squinted down blearily at her phone.

“Hey – what the fuck, what happened to you?”

“I guess the radio silence could, um, be a red flag,” Darcy mumbled, rubbing her eyes. She didn’t remember taking her makeup off, so there was a high chance that she was resembling a raccoon.

Jane looked good, the sun in her hair, her brow furrowed with concern.

“Uh, Ian left me. And my boss tried to hook up with me,” Darcy said, and Jane’s eyes bulged.

“Oh, Darcy. Darcy –”

“I don’t want the –” Darcy waved around, the movement a terrible idea in her condition. “- _fuss_. I’m fine. I drank too much last night, but I’ve got the day off.”

Thinking about having to make herself go back tomorrow had her filled with dread so sudden and shame-filled that she shut her eyes, groaning.

“You should get another job.”

“Yeah, probably,” she muttered. “But where? I don’t have any references.”

“Put me down.”

“I can’t keep doing that. I helped you out one summer. I need Patrick…”

Jane’s lips were pressed together in a thin, grim line. Darcy hated that she tended to only hear about her problems, never good news. She hoped she’d be telling her she was going to be her Maid of Honor. That hopeful, pleasant little world felt so far away. Darcy sighed.

“I’ll ask around. Some places are trying to hire new librarians for the new school year. They’re going back soon.”

“Right,” Darcy said, but she didn’t think much would come from it.

She was a qualified technician with limited experience. She didn’t know the right people, and she knew it was all about networking. She learned that far too late, which was how she ended up at Patrick’s office instead of in a library.

“Seriously, I’ll check for you. Ian left…?”

“He did, he went to stay with his girlfriend.”

“What?” Jane snapped, appalled. “Since when would he -? That fucking weasel –”

“It’s Amy, his sister’s friend. Go on Instagram, she’s got tits out to –”

Darcy gestured holding two heavy things in her hands, shrugging.

“Well, they’re out like mine…”

“You can’t stay there,” Jane said. “It’s full of Ian.”

Darcy picked up the remnants of her Old English 800 that sat by her bed and took a swig, making a face. She tried to remember last night and only could get snapshots of things.

“Darcy?”

“Yeah. Just – moving? A new job? I don’t wanna do that again…”

Jane went quiet and Darcy felt a wave of dread like yesterday, her eyes misting. She’d known Jane longer than she’d known Ian. She wondered if she’d be able to tell her what she was like before he came around.

“Darcy, it’s going to be okay.”

“Yeah, well,” Darcy whispered, her voice thin. “It’s gonna have to be.”

-

She nursed the hangover, cleaned up the mess of the leftover pizza, the empty salad carton, and the empty bottles. She did laundry, threw things into boxes, and tore up pictures.

By the late afternoon, she sent an email through to Casey, informing her that she was taking tomorrow off as well. She tried to not think about the clinic falling to pieces without her there.

She changed by the hour. She’d be destructive and throwing Ian’s belongings around, ripping up mementos while playing loud music through the TV, and then she’d be wracked with sobs and wishing he was there to hold her.

She looked at the classifieds and tried to find somewhere to go – she wasn’t sure how desperate the situation was when she didn’t have a job to go back to, not if she wasn’t going to show up again on Monday. It felt less likely with each hour that passed on that Friday.

She called up landlords the Saturday, feeling wretched, since the last time she didn’t have to do this alone. She’d had Ian, and the process was shared. She wished she had someone to bear that weight with her, but she knew she had no choice. She had a fleeting moment of clarity – she should move out and sleep in her car! Then she reeled at the thought of being that alone and vulnerable in the world.

She found a listing an hour away from her and took the plunge, calling the number. In the rush, she asked to see the place as soon as possible. The owner sounded friendly enough, maybe a little surprised that she was insisting on seeing the advertised piece of shit.

“How much is the bond?” Darcy asked, within a few minutes of being there.

The owner was a middle-aged woman named Maureen, who for whatever reason didn’t seem bothered by the stifling heat that was affecting Darcy. She was sweating through her shirt, dripping down her bare legs.

“It’ll be about eleven-hundred,” replied Maureen. She frowned. “Do you mind me asking what the rush is, hon?”

“I’m not fleeing, like, a bounty hunter or something,” Darcy said, and Maureen didn’t laugh. “I, uh, ended a relationship.”

She got a few texts that morning from Ian, asking when he could come over to get more of his things. She’d told him she’d be out for a few hours, when in truth she’d packed up most of her things when she could sleep last night and had shoved them all into her car, ready to escape the apartment as soon as possible. She’d even taken the key off of her chain and left it on the table.

“Can I move in today?”

“Sure,” Maureen said. “You got cash?”

“I can go get some.”

Darcy departed, came back ten minutes later and Maureen handed her the keys, giving her a shrewd look when she was done counting the notes Darcy laid in her unturned palm. She signed the tenancy agreement, handing it back to Maureen, waiting for the signal that everything was okay.

She rose her fingers to give Maureen a cautious peace sign, a little smile forming.

“Yeah? We good? Awesome.”

She only cried later that night, nursing her beer as she heard the echoes off life outside the walls.

-

She got a phone call on the Monday, when she’d been expecting Patrick chasing after her, only to find an unknown number on the display.

“Hello?” she said when she picked up, shifting to sit up on her elbows.

She’d slept on the floor in her sleeping bag. She hadn’t bought a mattress yet. She was close to asking for money from her mother, who had only been told the bare minimum about the breakup with Ian.

“Hi, am I speaking to Darcy Lewis?”

She didn’t recognize the voice. It wasn’t Patrick’s wife as far as she could discern, and she cleared her throat.

“Uh, yeah. This is she.”

“Great, I was wondering if you could come in for a meeting. My name is Maria Hill, I work at Sacred Heart –”

“I’m sorry?”

“Doctor Foster passed on your resume, and we’re hoping to find someone to help us with the library at our school. Is this a bad time?”

Darcy began to crawl out of the sleeping bag as fast as possible, looking around, before taking the phone away from her ear to see the time. It was after 10AM and she wondered if it was that obvious she’d been sleeping.

“This is a great time, Maria, thank you for calling me,” Darcy said, frantically snatching her bra from the floor, looking around for her pants. “I would love to meet.”

“Is today too soon, or -?”

“I can-I can do today,” Darcy said. “Whereabouts?”

Maria gave her the address and Darcy made a vague affirming sound, pretending she knew exactly where it was. She walked over to her laptop on the kitchen bench and flipped it open, Googling the name of the school as Maria confirmed a time.

“See you then.”

“Yes, I’m looking forward to it,” Darcy replied, promptly hanging up and scrolling through the search results.

A “rich tradition, with Christian values”, the website read. The children on the homepage wore navy and yellow uniforms.

“What the _fuck_ ,” Darcy muttered, making a face.

-

She pulled up at the school’s front parking lot, stepping out in her pencil skirt, hoping she hadn’t sweated through the sharp blazer she wore on top of her silk blouse.

She shoved her feet into her kitten heels and grabbed her handbag, looking around.

It was a quiet street, which was understandable for the time of year. No-one would be around, except maybe maintenance staff, and Darcy’s car was the only one parked there. She felt her phone buzz and she checked it, seeing Ian texting her back:

**_What the fuck????_ **

He must have found her key, and the note that told him the lease was his problem to solve. She turned off her phone, shoving it back into her bag as she took a deep breath, walking up the front steps.

She knocked, trying to peer into the stained-glass window in the door. It was trying to see through a piece of boiled candy and she stood back, glancing over her shoulder. There was loud, distant banging sound that made her jump and Darcy went rigid, eyes wide.

The door burst open and she startled again, the sweat on her brow dripping down.

A woman with a short brown ponytail met her eye, offering her hand.

“Darcy?”

“Yeah,” she replied, taking her hand to shake. “Maria?”

“Yes,” she said. “You find everything okay?”

“Yeah, am I – can I park here?”

“You probably could get a spot in the teachers’ one around the back, but we use both during the summer anyway. Follow me.”

Darcy nodded, watching as Maria turned her back and walked inside. The front hallway was dimly lit, and Darcy was hit with the scent of paint and dust. She saw a large painting of Mary holding baby Jesus and tried not to react to it, her eyes swivelling over the walls as they walked down the hall into a larger corridor.

“Classrooms,” Maria said, gesturing. “Kindergarten down here and then first grade. I’ll take you in somewhere here…”

“I kinda heard a loud, uh, ruckus earlier?” Darcy said, and Maria glanced at her, her brow lifting, and she smirked.

“A ruckus?” she repeated.

“Was that not an appropriate word –?”

There was a second bang, much louder, unadulterated by the school’s walls. Darcy flinched, while Maria only glanced toward the sound, vaguely interested.

“That’s Mr. Barnes, he’s moving things around,” she murmured. She smirked again. “He’s the _ruckus_.”

She pushed open a door marked 1R and Darcy followed her. She was met with a couple dozen tiny desks, all of them lowered, with tiny chairs, sitting in a horseshoe shape. There were posters for the alphabet and numbers on the walls, along with a painting of Jesus above the clock, his eyes fixed on Darcy as she moved to copy Maria, who was grabbing a regular-sized chair from the front of the classroom.

“I was sent your resume at a pretty good time, all things considered,” she said, and Darcy nodded, looking away from spooky Jesus, only to see a photograph of the Pope waving at her on the whiteboard.

Maria didn’t seem to notice how distracted Darcy was.

“Our situation has changed a lot in the last semester, even in the last couple of months,” she said, placing her hands in her lap. “Our library is in dire need of organization, re-organization. We’d want our students to have a better library environment in this new school year.”

Darcy bit her lip.

“I’m – I’m a technician, I’m not a librarian,” she said. “I can’t teach.”

She wasn’t selling herself at all. She figured the unconventional style of this interview had thrown her off-balance. There was another distant bang but she didn’t jump that time, instead staring at Maria, waiting for her reply.

“We had needed to juggle our staff after our librarian left quite suddenly in May,” Maria said. “Other teachers are stepping up, but our collection is in dire need of help. From what I heard from your references –”

“Y-You spoke to Doctor -?”

“Yes, I spoke to Doctor Foster and Doctor Chandler,” Maria said, flipping open the file she had, showing what Darcy recognised as a copy of her resume. “They both said you were a remarkable young woman.”

Darcy’s brows lifted, especially since Doctor Chandler was Patrick.

“Really? What did the podiatrist say, specifically?”

“Basically that I’d be a moron if I didn’t hire you immediately,” Maria said, another smirk forming. She shut the file, glancing out the window. Her eyes swung back to meet Darcy’s. “I’m not the principal. I’m the deputy. To make a long story short, Miss Lewis, we’re in a pretty messy situation as a school. The kids are back in less than three weeks and the library looks like a pipe bomb went off in it.”

Darcy blinked. “Right.”

“I would be taking you on as a technician, not a teacher.”

“I don’t know if I’m… I didn’t apply for a job here, I don’t remember anything being advertised –”

“Your name popped up in my network,” Maria said, and she stood up suddenly.

There was another bang.

Darcy mirrored her, smoothing her skirt down, hoping she hadn’t left a sweat patch on the chair. Maria didn’t seem interested, instead moved to walk out, pausing when she took hold of the doorknob.

“I’m not going to sugar-coat it. It’s a big job, and you wouldn’t have a lot of time if you were aiming to finish it enough for kids to use the library on the first day back.”

Darcy nodded. “Right.”

“I have other people to see as well. We didn’t advertise for this role but word of mouth tends to work better than any recruiting website.”

Darcy nodded again. She didn’t think she’d get this job. A better qualified person, maybe a teacher librarian looking for a change, would get it. She departed from the classroom, slipping into the corridor. Maria took her hand and shook it.

“If you don’t mind, I’ll be heading toward that _ruckus_ you heard earlier,” Maria said, and Darcy nodded, feeling her face flush.

“Good to meet you,” Darcy said.

She stopped walking and watched Maria walk down another hallway and out of sight, another bang ringing out in the distance, and then a couple yells. It sounded like Maria was investigating, muffled yells going back and forth, and Darcy gave a little sigh, adjusting her bag on her shoulder before she moved back the way they came through.

She stopped at the Mary painting, leaning forward to see the tiny brushstrokes on the blue gown she was swathed in, along with the tiniest text beneath.

**_Sister Siobhan O’Keefe, 1908_ **

“Holy shit,” she whispered, stepping back. “Go Siobhan…”

She walked outside, the sun in her eyes, and she got in her car, putting her keys in the ignition. She turned them, but the car remained silent.

At that moment, another car pulled up, parking several spaces away from her, and she felt her cheeks flush again with embarrassment. Her car had been idling the other day when she was in traffic but she hadn’t taken any notice, _of fucking course_ , because she was on her way home the day Ian told her about Amy.

Her battery was dead. She waited for the person in their car to get out, hearing their door shut. She tried again in vain, closing her eyes.

“Please…”

She couldn’t afford a tow truck. She gnawed at her lip, feeling the bullets of sweat glide down her back as she tried to shove down the growing anxiety. She had money for a bus ticket, at least…

She glanced over at the car and saw a man standing there wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, watching her.

“Fuck me,” she said under her breath, because he was cute as hell.

Blonde with blue eyes, muscular and tall like a football player. He frowned, signalling her to lower her window. Darcy shook her head hastily, opening her door.

“My battery’s dead,” she called, feeling like her face was on fire.

“I thought so,” he said, and she nodded, flashing an awkward smile.

He went to his trunk and held up a jumper cable and Darcy blinked.

“You want help? Unless you wanna call someone –”

“No, please, I mean, thank you –”

She motioned for him to come closer. He walked over, leaning down, and Darcy wiped some sweat from her face.

“I just – I was in there before, I don’t want – I mean, I already fucked up the job interview, I don’t want this to end in mortification.”

The man’s eyebrows lifted. “Really? Interview?”

“Yeah, you work here?”

“Yeah,” he said, and he gestured to her hand resting on the keys in the ignition. “One more time, see what happens.”

She tried again, but nothing happened. She let out a sigh.

“Yeah, I’ll need that jumper cable.”

“Just a sec,” he said, moving back.

Darcy watched as he moved the car closer until it was facing hers, and he slipped out again to pop the hood, which was when Darcy decided she needed to move out of the front seat and try to pretend she knew what was happening.

She’d only been in this situation once before with Ian and he took over. She’d taken that for granted, not knowing something as basic as this. She knew how to change a tyre, too, but she didn’t think it was something she _should_ do, necessarily.

He seemed to be doing fine without her pretending to supervise him, and Darcy watched him attach the cables, moving back and forth between the two cars.

Her car sprang to life after he told her to give it another try, and she let out a laugh, so relieved.

“God, thank you so much,” she said, and he smiled at her.

“Anyone else woulda done it,” he said, and Darcy kept smiling.

She was fucking lucky he showed up when he did. He went to his trunk to get out a carton of books and rose a hand in a short wave.

“Thank you!” she called from her window, pulling her seatbelt on.

He walked up to the front door and disappeared inside as Darcy drove off.


	2. Part Two: No Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, welcome back, I'm very excited... thank you for your enthusiasm so far! ❤

_Girl, it just takes guts to survive.  
_\- **"Giver" by K.Flay**

_I have emotional motion sickness_  
_Somebody roll the windows down_  
_There are no words in the English language_  
_I could scream to drown you out_  
\- **"Motion Sickness" by Phoebe Bridgers**

**Part Two:**

**No Nothing**

**SUMMER**

Darcy bought a car battery the next day for close to $200, and it hurt, knowing she needed it to not have her car conk out like it did at Sacred Heart, but she knew it was chipping away at what she had left in the bank.

Later that afternoon, her phone cut through her music as she scrubbed the floor of her shower, and she felt her heart begin to hammer as she recognized the number as the same one as yesterday.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Darcy, it’s Maria,” came the voice on the other end, and Darcy moved up from her knees and leaned against the glass, waiting. “This a good time?”

“I’m – hold on, the acoustics –” Darcy muttered as she stepped out of the bathroom and into her tiny hallway, hearing someone playing their TV above her apartment. “Yeah, I can talk.”

“I was hoping you’d come back into the school, if you were still available.”

“Oh?” Darcy said, feeling herself grin. “Yeah. I’d… yes, I will. When can I come in?”

“Not today, it’s pretty late already –”

“First thing tomorrow?” Darcy asked. “I can come assess the library and start working on the collection, if this means what I think it does.”

Maria chuckled and Darcy was relieved.

“I want you to come work at Sacred Heart.”

“Okay, that’s-that’s -” Darcy said, laughing a little. “Yeah, I’d be open to that. I’ll come by tomorrow.”

When they hung up, Darcy let out a sigh, closing her eyes. At least that part of her life was improving. She glanced around her apartment, seeing the bare walls, the lack of furniture. She went back to the shower and got on her knees, playing the music a little louder through her phone.

She hadn’t allowed herself much time to ruminate. Now she didn’t have much of a choice, since she was alone with her thoughts. She tried not to get ahead of herself, but she wasn’t able to stop her imagination crafting how her year could be turned by this new job. She was finally in the industry she dreamed to be in. With this on her resume, she’d get into a government library, or a museum, or some kind of fancy gallery or archive.

She went out twenty minutes later to buy a cheap bottle of sparkling wine and some ice cream to celebrate.

-

The next morning Darcy woke early, drank coffee in between ironing her shirt and putting on some makeup, her stomach full of butterflies.

New jobs were like first dates, and Darcy hadn’t either of them in a long time, but she’d never forget how they always felt. There was the not-so subtle nervousness that came with it, but she kept telling herself to dial it back, keep her expectations low. She wasn’t about to save this school. She was meant to be a small cog in a machine.

She’d read up on the school. Sacred Heart was made up of approximately 500 students, from Kindergarten to Eight Grade. There weren’t any famous alumni but the school had a “rich American history”, whatever that was. She felt as if the website was deliberately vague.

She drove over, reaching the school before 9AM, checking herself in the mirror before taking out her bag from the passenger’s side, checking she had everything.

She stepped out, touching her hair, biting her lip as she made her way up to the front door, reaching for the knob, only to find it locked.

“Okay.”

This wasn’t a good start. She didn’t want to be annoying, calling out for help, but she didn’t see any sign of a cleaner or lawn guy hanging around the front. She wondered if there was some back entrance she should have used, like the help used in _Downton Abbey_.

She rose a hand and knocked on the door, stepping back to look around for any sign of life. After a couple minutes, she considered calling the school on her phone, and she took it out to Google the number, but the door suddenly opened and she jumped.

The man with the jumper cables was there, and he crossed his arms, leaning against the doorframe with a half-smile on his face.

“It’s you,” he said.

“Yeah,” Darcy said, feeling her cheeks flush. “I, uh, I got the job.”

“Hey, you got the job!” he said, and he stepped aside, gesturing her to come in.

Darcy walked inside, the familiar scent of paint and dust invading her senses again, and she fell into step with the man, who offered her his hand.

“Steve,” he said.

“Darcy,” she replied, and he smiled a little wider.

“We’re gonna be working together then, Darcy,” he said. “If you’re the new library tech-”

“Apparently I am,” Darcy said, shrugging. “I wasn’t actually shown anything, so…”

He let out a short laugh. “Okay. I’ll… help with that transition.”

Darcy didn’t know what to make of that, except that it didn’t sound like the type of challenge a person wanted. Steve walked her down the corridor she already knew and then another one. He pointed to an open door at the very end of the second corridor.

“Mine. The art room,” he said. “I’m trying to get some planning done today, so I’ll be here a while.”

Instead of continuing on, Darcy moved to duck into his classroom, seeing several tall benches with stools, shelves at the back with a tiny desk covered in papers and a printer that looked a little worse for wear. The walls were bare, and she finally found the source of the smell – he’d been evidently painting the walls a neutral cream colour.

“The place is a dump, but it’s always like this in August,” he said. “You worked in schools before?”

“Nope,” Darcy said, shaking her head. “And I never – I mean, I never went to a Catholic one as a kid.”

She tried to gauge his reaction but so far there wasn’t anything notable. She bit her lip, shrugging a shoulder.

“This job was kind of a surprise.”

“At least we got you now,” he said, that half-smile back. “I mean, you might change your mind when you see the library…”

He walked out and she followed him, turning a corner before Steve stopped at the shut door that said _Sacred Heart Library_ with a laminated drawing of a book worm under it. Steve reached for the knob and Darcy glanced behind her.

“Should I be waiting for Maria?”

“She was here before, but she went out again,” he replied, pausing. He tilted his head toward the door and Darcy shrugged.

“Come on, I’ll dive in,” she said, and Steve opened the door.

To say it was cramped would be a severe understatement. The library itself was made up of two levels, though Darcy had no idea whether it was reachable by the literal sea of books cascading down in one pile, some of the shelves completely empty. Darcy’s eyes didn’t blink as she took it all in, her hand going to cover her mouth.

The light was pouring in from the windows, and above – and that’s when she saw the hole in the roof where it had caved in, the sky above visible.

“What the f…”

Darcy didn’t allow herself to curse, her voice trailing off as she moved closer to the books, seeing some were completely destroyed, while others seemed beaten up. She wondered what she could salvage, picking up a book on the Civil War, turning it over in her hand before tossing it back with the rest.

“Maria said it looked like a pipe bomb went off,” she said, glancing at Steve. “What actually happened?”

“Storm, and it just happened to hit here and in mine, but… yours is worse,” he said. His hands went to his hips. “And your computer’s out.”

“So no catalog, no nothing?” she said, and Steve nodded. “How am I supposed to keep track?”

“Paper, I guess, for now,” he said. “Maria said she was getting a list for whoever came in. This job is huge, made worse because of the water damage…”

Darcy nodded, shutting her mouth, looking around at the destruction.

There was a sound from above and Darcy’s eyes swung upwards, squinting.

“Hold on a sec,” Steve said, stepping forward, cupping his mouth. “Hey, Buck! C’mere!”

There was a couple seconds where nothing happened and Darcy thought about how she’d managed to get here, with this mammoth task, having no idea how long it would actually take her to finish. Then a face appeared in the hole in the ceiling, another handsome man with brown hair and blue eyes, his eyes meeting hers.

He rose a hand in hello, saying nothing, before disappearing again.

“That’s Bucky, he does maintenance,” Steve said, moving back. “He’s been trying to fix what he can from the outside, but the budget’s…”

His voice trailed off and he made a so-so gesture with his hand.

The silence that followed between them was heavy and Darcy’s eyes travelled all over the books again, the dread beginning to seep in. She didn’t want to have this responsibility, but she had to think of the school, and how she had no money and she wasn’t getting other people calling her up and offering her a job…

“Okay,” she said, and she looked at Steve, nodding. She put down her handbag against the door and Steve blinked. “You can leave me to it. I’ll get started.”

“I’ll be ‘round the corner,” he said, gesturing.

She nodded again. “If you see Maria come in, let her know I’m here.”

He left, and she squared her jaw, narrowing her eyes.

“Okay, you little bitches, you’re gonna get into piles,” she muttered.

-

She managed to move several dozen piles of books, writing down each one she perceived to be too damaged in the notebook she brought in her handbag. It was tiring, kneeling, reading, moving books and then marking them off. The air was stifling and she thought about opening a window but wondered if doing that could trigger a light fixture to fall like some kind of slapstick punchline, so she settled for chugging some water from her bottle and panting, hoping she wasn’t making a racket for Steve to hear from his room.

He was mostly quiet, except for the occasional footsteps or papers flipping. Darcy took out her phone and sent a photo of her progress to Jane. She reminded herself she’d get paid for this.

When she was satisfied with the progress she’d made, she took a step back, glancing up at the second floor, wanting to explore. She couldn’t reach it by the steps, since they were still covered with books and she knew that if she tried to walk up the pile, she’d end up with a twisted ankle or worse, so she ducked out of the classroom and into the hallway, looking around.

She moved silently through the school, finding the ladies bathroom and the staff room, everything made up of IKEA furniture and religious iconography. She kept her head down when she walked back past Steve's classroom, hearing him whistle something for a few notes before the clacking of his laptop keyboard took over.

She thought about asking more questions but she didn’t want to be a bother, and she liked using her initiative, so she went to the little supply closet in the corridor in search of a ladder.

The place where it was supposed to be was empty, and she thought about going around everywhere, and she didn’t like the idea of being found snooping. She didn’t want to seem like a nuisance when she hadn’t even signed a piece of paper yet promising wages.

“Fuck my life,” she whispered, stepping back to shut the closet door.

She saw another bleeding Jesus on the cross and sighed, walking toward a backdoor. She’d have to bite the bullet and find this Bucky guy and ask about a ladder. She tried to keep a big smile on her face but she went completely still when she found him.

He was on the roof, his shirt off and wrapped around his waist, hammering something on the roof, another nail between his teeth. As the sun beat down on him, Darcy realized her first impression did him no justice. He was handsome, but she could see now he was as beautiful as Steve, and her face flushed, her words forgotten for several seconds. Apparently she was into men with their hair tied back, since Bucky’s was in a low, short ponytail at the base of his skull and she pictured running her fingers through his thick tresses, undoing the tie in the process.

She noticed his left arm was especially shiny – and then she realized it was scar tissue wrapped around his shoulder and the majority of his triceps.

“H-hello?” she called, and he went still, looking toward the sound of her with a mildly puzzled expression mixed with irritation.

He leaned back, putting down his hammer and nails, his eyes meeting hers. Darcy shielded her eyes from the sun, trying to smile up at him in as friendly a way as she could manage.

“I’m looking for a ladder. Do you have another one?”

She pointed at the ladder that leaned against the side of the building and Bucky’s eyes traveled to it, and Darcy felt her cheeks redden some more, knowing she sounded like someone trying to speak to a non-English speaker in a condescending way. She didn’t want that – she knew in his job he probably dealt with all types of assholes with authority.

“I’m Darcy, by the way,” she added, letting her arm drop to her side. “I’m working in the library.”

“Yeah,” he said, not raising his voice like she had.

He moved toward his ladder and went down it a couple steps before jumping the rest of the way, and he towered over her, his hands on his hips.

“You’ll have to use this one,” he said, nodding at the ladder, and Darcy frowned.

“Oh, no, don’t go to the trouble –”

“Nah, you have to,” he said, and she shook her head.

“Why?”

“Other one’s fucked.”

“Oh,” she said again, blinking. She stepped back while Bucky took the ladder down and began to walk toward the door Darcy came through before.

She followed, attempting to be helpful by opening the door for him, trailing after him down the hall to the library. Steve was in his doorway, watching them as Darcy gave an awkward smile.

“I needed the ladder…”

“You need some help?” Steve asked, and she blushed again, ducking her head.

“No, it’s fine.”

Bucky leaned the ladder against the ledge without her asking and stood back, waiting for further instructions.

“Thanks,” she said, and he nodded, turning his back.

“You need a new desk,” he said, and she glanced over at the table that was covered in books.

He stopped at the doorway, looking back at her. It was frankly unfair that she was caught so off-guard with these two guys, these good looking people that she’d rather impress than fuck up around. She could see the patch of hair on his chest that mingled with the sheen of sweat on his bare skin.

“Yeah,” she replied, looking away. “For the check-outs and stuff…”

He was gone when she looked back at the door and she shook her head, hating how flustered she was. She was in no condition to be looking at anyone that way.

She moved toward the ladder and took a couple steps up, testing it. It was sturdy, but she was paranoid about falling to her death, moving as fast as she felt comfortable with until she reached the top, swinging her leg over the railing.

“Hey, Darcy?”

Darcy’s eyes went to the door and Steve was there, smiling and looking around.

“Wow, it already looks so much better.”

It occurred to her that he could just be especially kind, considering the books were still strewn all over the place, but she didn’t argue.

“I was gonna go get some lunch. Do you want me to wait until Maria’s back?”

“Oh, no!” Darcy called, shaking her head. “Go. I’ll be okay.”

He hesitated, stepping back.

“I won’t be long. I’ll grab a sandwich and come right back…”

She waved him off, watching him leave.

-

It was twenty minutes later that she saw Maria come in, seeming out of breath.

“Hi, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here before,” she said, her head tilted up. “How’s it going? I have some paperwork for you.”

“I’m kind of on a roll,” Darcy called back, and Maria seemed pleased to hear it. “I’ve got a lot of novels fixed up here, and I got a list of books I’ll weed. I’ll come down soon.”

“Okay, I’ll be in the front office. I have some new students to process,” Maria called.

She was left alone again and she drew in a deep breath, looking at the shelves she’d managed to already fill. She backed up, assessing the rows, until she hit the railing, forgetting it was there. She jumped, fumbling the book she held and managed to kick the ladder.

She watched, feeling like the moment was in slow motion, as the ladder fell over with a loud bang, the sound ringing in her ears as she froze in shock.

“Fuuuuuuuuck!” she hissed, staring at the ladder flat on the ground.

She glanced over at the pile over the stairs, and then back at the floor below. Of course, she’d left her phone down below so she wouldn’t be distracted, and now she had no way of asking for help in any dignified sort of way.

“Steve?” she called, and there was silence. She hadn’t heard him come back before.

She went quiet, biting her lip as she tried to problem solve, thinking about jumping off the railing. She pictured being taken to the emergency room, and there was a high chance she’d die from embarrassment.

She cleared her throat, trying her best to keep her tone level as she glanced up at the hole in the roof. Bucky wouldn’t be up there anymore, not without the ladder she’d stolen.

She walked to the window, peering out of it, seeing no-one outside. She went back to the railing, swinging a leg over, inching down and extending her legs, readying herself to drop to the floor below.

“Whoa, hey, stop,” she heard, and her eyes darted to the doorway, seeing Bucky standing there with a tape measure in his hand.

“I’m fine.”

“Christ,” he muttered, and he dashed toward her, picking up the ladder to place it against the railing again.

Darcy’s arms had begun to shake from the effort of keeping herself attached to the railing.

“Wait,” she blurted, and Bucky froze, eyes wider. “If I fall - you will catch me, right?”

“If you break my back to break your fall, sure,” he retorted, his voice gruff.

Darcy stretched across to grab hold of the ladder with a little squeak, swinging her leg over it to take hold, letting out a shaky breath when she let go of the railing, holding on for dear life a second later. She took a moment to draw in a deep breath and began her descent. When she reached the floor, she rubbed her face, feeling hot.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t die,” he said, and she glanced up at him, seeing something his eyes, something like mirth. He glanced over at the handbag. “You got lunch?”

“No,” she mumbled, feeling like a scorned child. “I was going to take a break soon.”

“Bag that big, and you don’t have something to eat in it?” he muttered, and Darcy tilted her head. “What’ve got in it, anyway?”

“Trinkets,” she retorted, and he let out a soft breath, turning away to walk out.

-

She Googled local places for lunch ideas, instead opting to drive to the 7-Eleven a block away to grab a questionable chicken sandwich and a can of Diet Coke to scale back the sugar, only to grab a bag of Sour Patch Kids. She returned to Sacred Heart and stopped by the front office to sign some papers for Maria.

“You’ve got twelve days until school starts,” she said, and Darcy nodded. “You okay?”

“So far, yeah, I guess,” she said. She was too tired to dress up anything she was feeling. She shrugged. “It’s a little overwhelming.”

“You’re not the first person I’ve tried to hire,” Maria said, and Darcy’s eyebrows rose. “You’re the third, actually.”

“Oh.”

“But you’re up for the challenge?”

“I’ll try my best,” Darcy said, and Maria smiled.

She didn’t see Steve or Bucky for the rest of the day but she was vaguely aware of their presence, and it was a comfort, knowing there were other people beyond the library walls already working.

She put the ladder in the supply closet at the end of the day, deciding to stop after 4PM. She waved to Maria on her way out.

She slept like a log.

-

The following morning, she returned to Sacred Heart via Starbucks, sipping a large Frappuccino as she walked in, giving Steve a little wave as he said hello, managing to catch her on her way down the hallway.

“You’re back.”

“Yeah. I’m hard to get rid of,” she replied, and she smiled, walking on.

She saw the library door was open and walked in, swallowing her mouthful of whipped cream and iced coffee as Bucky straightened up from his spot next to a desk she didn’t recognize.

“Hey,” she said, eyes traveling over the desk.

“It still needs to be painted,” he said. “If you want.”

She stared at him, watching his hand smooth across the top. Their eyes met.

“You _made_ this?”

He nodded, and then pointed to a space under the long ledge of it.

“There’s a hole for your cables to feed through.”

She blinked at him and he moved away, walking toward the door. She stepped out of his way, at a loss for words.

“You want it painted?” he asked, and Darcy wasn’t sure how to answer.

She looked at the desk again.

“Maybe white?” she eventually said.

“Sure.”

He left, and Darcy stepped into the hallway, calling after him:

“Thank you!”

He didn’t turn around, only rose a hand without looking back, disappearing out the exit. She stared down the empty hallway for several seconds before retreating back to the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	3. Part Three: Dumbassery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally I'd be having characters rolling around the floor by this point but we're in for a slow, slow burn. Thank you everyone for your enthusiasm so far! ❤

_I was born like this, don't even gotta try..._  
**\- "Juice" by Lizzo**

_It's not easy having yourself a good time..._  
**\- "I Can't Decide" by Scissor Sisters**

_Take my car and paint it black_  
_Take my arm, break it in half_  
_Say something, do it soon_  
_It's too quiet in this room_  
**\- "Blood In The Cut" by K.Flay**

**Part Three:**

**Dumbassery**

**SUMMER**

When Darcy came back for her third day at Sacred Heart, the desk was painted white.

She let out a little sigh, looking down at her plate of cookies covered in saran wrap, the little post-it note on top with the accompanying message _Thank you!_ with her name. It was too much. She knew it was his job, but she hadn’t expected him to work so fast with her even asking for a new desk.

She heard Steve appear behind her, the floorboard under the carpet in the doorway creaking. She turned, and his eyes fell to the plate of cookies.

“Oh?”

“Not for you,” she said, and he smirked. “If you see Bucky, can you give them to him?”

“What are these in regards to?” he asked, taking the plate from her, their fingers brushing.

Darcy walked over to the desk and put her bag down beside it, unsure of whether the paint was dry. She was about to point at the new furniture when he added:

“This about him saving your ass day before yesterday?”

She glanced at him, narrowing her eyes slightly. She could see his eyes were twinkling with mirth, the smirk still on his handsome face. She ran a hand through her hair, dropping her hip, unable to stop her cheeks from flushing. She gave a short laugh.

“He tell you about that?” she asked. Steve’s smile widened. “Combination of that and the new desk.”

“I’m warning you now, I’ll eat a couple if you leave them with me,” he said, and Darcy felt herself smile despite her embarrassment.

She didn’t want to think about those two talking about her dumbassery, since it was such a blatantly stupid thing to do, jumping from that high a ledge with no-one else around.

She walked back, taking the plate from him, undoing a side of the wrapping to take one out to hand to him.

“There. And I’ll go find him.”

She may as well, since the ladder incident was probably going to be the first of a long series of stupid, embarrassing shit she’d be doing in this job. She walked out with Steve, who was on his way back to his room. He was wearing grey sweatpants with flecks of paint on the front, Darcy’s eyes inspecting them as she rewrapped the plate.

“Why isn’t he painting your room?” she asked, and Steve chuckled.

“He’s not allowed.”

There was something fond in his tone, like Steve had drawn a line in the sand and Bucky had to respect it, and for whatever reason, Darcy thought it was sweet. She paused at the art room doorway and Steve stopped, waiting.

“You got a laminator?”

“You already going to decorate?” he threw back.

He leaned his arm against the door and Darcy was transported back to high school, remembering jocks leaning over cheerleaders in the locker hallway. She never had that type of handsome attention when she was younger. She was usually stuck in a book or rifling through her locker, keeping to herself.

Steve’s arms were really nice to look at, though.

“I’m not that organized yet,” she said, tapping her finger against her plate. “I’m flagging it for future use.”

Steve looked up as if to remember, and he smirked.

“I think maybe it’ll be available by appointment. Very in demand. Romanoff probably stole it from me last semester when my back was turned.”

“Romanoff?” Darcy repeated.

“First grade teacher,” Steve replied, cocking his head the direction of down the hallway.

Darcy was pretty sure 1R was her classroom, then. She wondered what she was like, and why Steve was referring to her by her last name. Maybe there was some rivalry there, but he was smiling good-naturedly, and Darcy was having a hard time believing he’d ever hold a grudge.

He crossed his arms.

“Bucky’s outside.”

Darcy wasn’t sure what the etiquette was, whether he’d despise her for interrupting whatever he was doing. She hadn’t helped the roofing situation by commandeering the only working ladder. She nodded, putting a smile on her face, hoping she’d perk up.

She left Steve, walking out into the grounds. She glanced around, seeing no sign of human life, just some birds in one of the oak trees. The heat of the day had already set in and she wasn’t looking forward to the afternoon sun coming in the library windows. She had methods of coping but she’d rather get the bulk of the heavy lifting done earlier in the day. She guessed she was about halfway through the massive job of weeding the collection and placing everything away in its rightful place.

She walked past the little chapel and saw the shed close-by, guessing it was Bucky’s lair. She wondered if she should knock, but she didn’t know what she’d do if she actually spoke to him. He had been really quiet with her and she didn’t want to push him further away with her nervous babbling. When she first met Ian years ago, he said immediately: “You like talking.”

Over the last several days, she’d come to understand that maybe that wasn’t always a good thing. She moved closer to the shed door, hearing music playing. She listened for a couple seconds, recognizing Fleetwood Mac, her brows lifting slightly. There was a chance he wouldn’t hear her knocking over the music anyway, so she stepped back and looked around, deciding to lay the plate on the chopping block to the right of the door.

She stalked back to the school building and slipped back inside, hoping to God no-one had witnessed her middle school-level awkwardness.

-

She was on the second floor of the library when she noticed movement outside, and she pressed her face to the window, looking down at Bucky who’d just opened his door with a bang. He seemed in his own world, only to stop a couple footsteps out of his shed to stare at the plate she’d left behind.

She moved back a little, obscuring herself in the shadows in case he decided to look up. She watched as he picked up the plate, lifting the post-it from it.

He promptly scrunched up the note and she felt her heart sink. She’d taken it a step too far. Maybe he’d tell Steve how pathetic she was, how weird that she baked him something instead of just ignoring him like the other staff probably did. Darcy, despite being good at every job she ever had, was not a natural professional. When she first started working for Patrick she made him hummus as an icebreaker, unprompted. She saw him eating it once and decided to make him it, along with buying him a plaque with a Leonardo da Vinci quote about feet on it.

( _The human foot is a masterpiece of engineering and a work of art._ )

She felt her face flush and she sighed, wanting to turn away from the window, but then she saw him walk back into the shed with the plate. A few seconds later, he returned, a cookie in his mouth as he hauled a hedge trimmer over his shoulder.

-

She spent a few hours making more piles. Keep, throw away, salvage. The throw away pile was probably smaller than what other libraries would have after a disaster like this one, but she was hopeful. She took out a hairdryer she brought from home and plugged it into the outlet she found at the back of the second floor, sitting down on her knees to begin drying some pages of _Little Women_ that she didn’t have the heart to destroy.

She didn’t hear Steve’s footsteps over the hairdryer as he came in, and only heard his feet on the ladder as he climbed, the sound sudden enough to make her jump but she recovered by the time his face appeared at the railing.

He looked amused, craning his head to watch her drying the pages.

“ _Little Women_ ,” he said, and she nodded, flipping through more. She switched off the dryer as Steve launched himself over the railing. He was carrying a black laminator, its cord hitting the railing on its way over.

“I have to save this edition,” she said, and he nodded. “Since I’m guessing kids still read it in eighth grade like I did.”

“I didn’t read it,” Steve said, and she shot him a look. “Granted, I was a little sexist with my reading back in the day. I saw the movie, though.”

Darcy snorted, flipping the hairdryer back on, shaking her head. “There are several.”

“Whichever one that Winona was in,” he said. “Whatever Winona’s been in, I’ve seen.”

She smirked, looking up at him again. “The movie is not the same as the book.”

“Really?” he said, crouching down to watch her work. “Am I to believe that a movie doesn’t show the full scope of a literary work?”

She looked away, unable to stop her smile from broadening. He was particularly handsome when he was being a smartass. That was a rare quality and she’d rather not look at it face-on. It was almost too much. Feeling inspired, she switched off the hairdryer, shutting it, holding it up while she nodded at the laminator.

“Swap?”

He grinned, taking the book as Darcy grabbed the laminator along with the stack of plastic pouches that Steve had brought.

He turned the book over, flipping to the back.

“There’ll be a test on that,” she said, and he chuckled.

“It’s eight-hundred pages.”

“Some light reading,” she said, getting up.

She walked over to the window and saw nothing outside, moving away to put the laminator on the floor beside her notebooks and laptop she’d brought from home. She’d have fun decorating, since it seemed so barren and old upstairs. She picked up the sagging plastic globe she’d found, and she saw Steve was watching her.

“I wanna hang this up at some point. There a bike pump in this school?”

He blinked couple times. “Might have to ask Buck.”

She nodded, adding that to her mental to-do list. She dropped the globe on the floor and circled back to the pile of books she wanted to dry, grabbing her hairdryer again.

“Are you still here?” she said.

“Leavin’,” he said, and she finally looked at him again, her brows lifting in challenge.

He took a distinct step back, a half-smile on his face as he retreated, moving to throw a leg over the railing, taking the ladder down.

-

It took her four days to move all the books. Steve stopped by on the fourth day, standing in the doorway as she was moving the last of them from the stairway.

“There were stairs under all that?” he said, and her head whipped toward him.

“Stop sneaking up on me,” she muttered, and he chuckled.

“I’ll remember to stomp next time.”

She still had a lot to do, and the carpet was fucked. As she’d revealed more of it over time, it was clear that it needed a shampoo at least, and perhaps a complete replacement sometime in the future, if she could be bothered moving everything out again during another school break.

“Maria seen this?” he asked, and Darcy nodded.

“And I got paid yesterday,” she said, flashing a smile. When she had more than a second to think it through, maybe it was in bad taste to brag about that with Steve.

To her relief, he nodded, smiling.

“I wouldn’t do this for free.”

She didn’t think that was true. Since she’d been there, she’d noticed him going out of his way to clean and organize his classroom, always there before she arrived in the morning, always leaving after her in the afternoon. She suspected that he’d already dealt with the damage done to his classroom without batting an eyelid. He was dedicated.

“You want the laminator back?” she asked to change the subject and Steve shook his head.

“Hang onto it a little longer while you can. Some of the other staff’ll be back next week.”

She was trying to not overthink that portion of the upcoming week. She’d managed to be fine in her little bubble of organizing, Steve around the corner, Maria occasionally checking in. She didn’t see Bucky much since he was outside for the most part.

Darcy’s phone began to buzz and she was distracted, taking it out, her stomach dropping.

“I have to take this, I’m sorry,” she said hastily to Steve, who shook his head again.

“It’s fine, I’ll get outta here.”

“Can you, uh, take the ladder, too? Unless –”

He smirked, watching her fail to make a proper sentence.

“Please?” she added.

She pressed the green button on her display, putting her phone to her ear, hoping to get this over with as fast as possible. Ian’s voice burst through, the sound so familiar and yet to jarring to her ears.

“Thank you for picking up –”

“I can’t really talk, what is it?” she cut in, her voice low.

She looked over at Steve, watching him lift the ladder from the ledge with ease, moving it down so it was horizontal.

“I was wondering about some jewelry, since I don’t know what to do with it –”

“I don’t want the necklace, or any of the rings or whatever,” she muttered, feeling her cheeks turn pink, Steve’s eyes meeting hers.

He’d begun to swing the ladder around and she stepped back.

“What about the butterfly earrings, the ones my father gave you?”

His English father Gavin. Darcy had tried to not think about him, since he was someone she would truly miss. Over the years, they’d bonded really well. She knew Ian’s mother wasn’t a fan of her, which was ironic because she actually had more in common with Ian’s American side of his family.

“I dunno. Maybe. Maybe put the earrings in a box and send them to me,” she said. “I have to go.”

She hung up, rolling her eyes. Steve was moving out of the room as she did it, and she looked away, feeling self-conscious.

“You good?” he said, holding the ladder like it was a piece of paper, proving his muscles weren’t just for show.

“Just my… stupid ex,” she muttered. “Sorry.”

He made a face. “Don’t be.”

-

Jane called her that night, after she’d sent her a series of texts about Ian’s little interruption. Darcy was pushing a cart through Target when she picked up.

“How’s the school of the Church of the Bleeding Heart of Jesus or whatever?” Jane asked, sounding like her mouth was full.

Darcy snorted.

“Fine, I guess. I can see the floor now.”

There was the distinct clinking of Jane’s fork in a bowl and Darcy wished she was there with her, sitting in the labs and talking instead of on the phone like they had been for the last two years. She met Jane when she was a freshman in college when Jane was doing her PhD is astrophysics. Darcy hadn’t figured out what she wanted to do with her life, and Jane had no friends.

They were drawn to each other immediately, since they were both leaning against a wall alone at a party, the crowd around them unappealing. They ditched the party and smoked pot, Jane pointing out constellations as Darcy stared at her animated face.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Jane said. She stopped chewing. “Where are you?”

“I’m thinking about finding a carpet shampooer for the floors, so…”

“You can fill in a form for that, you know. Ask Maria for the money,” Jane said, and Darcy rolled her eyes. “You’ve already decided which one you’re getting, haven’t you? I bet it’s in your cart right now.”

“Yep!” Darcy said, popping the word. “I’ll keep the receipt.”

“Maybe that maintenance guy already has one?” Jane said.

“I don’t wanna bother the guy with every little thing,” she muttered.

He’d returned the plate, clean as a whistle, by leaving it on her circulation desk that morning. She tried not to wonder about him being impressed by how much better the library already looked.

“You _like_ him,” Jane teased.

“Yeah, well… you would, too,” she mumbled. “So… shut it.”

Jane let out a little giggle. “Is that the best you can do?”

“You try it sometime, being around a broody supermodel like that, as well as the captain of the football team.”

\- 

She paid for the shampooer, along with a big bag of sour gummy worms that she brought into school the next day, one hanging from her mouth as she walked in. Her arms were full with the box and she managed to catch Steve’s brows lifting as she teetered down the corridor to the library.

“Mornin’ Darcy,” he called. “You… good?”

“Yeah!” she yelled back, and she set the box down with a thud in the middle of the floor.

She opened her handbag, taking out a fan she flipped open, flapping it in front of her face as she contemplated the box. Last night she’d read the instructions, but she knew she’d need to put aside a whole morning or afternoon to clean the floors properly.

Steve appeared, and she lifted the bag of gummy worms toward him and he took a few, looking down at the box.

“I finished the book. You planning on using this thing?” he said, popping a gummy worm.

“I told you it was light. And, yeah,” she replied, dropping to her knees to open it. “Once I can get this out.”

“That _is_ a Bucky job,” he said, pointing at the box.

“You gonna tell on me?” she said, not looking at him, but she could sense his smirk as he replied:

“Maybe, and you won’t be able to bribe me with candy.”

She stood up again, narrowing her eyes at him slightly.

“You’re a Jo,” he said, and she blinked at him, surprised.

“Really? You think I’m a Jo?” she said, and he nodded, throwing back the other two gummy worms. “I would’ve thought I was a Beth.”

He chewed, mumbling with his mouth full. “Why?”

“I’m quiet and every so often I show up on Facebook and people are like, ‘Oh, I thought you died.’”

He began to laugh, and Darcy bit her lip, the sight of him overcome with glee irresistible, his hand clutching his chest.

“Is that in bad taste?” she said eventually, and he shook his head, his laughter subsided.

He turned to leave but she was right behind him, her hand on her hip.

“I’m gonna tell him you bought it,” he said, putting up a hand. “He’ll be impressed by your ingenuity.”

“Why, because I can read a box and carry it from my car?” she muttered.

They fell into step and Darcy tried to not feel the butterflies in her stomach, anticipating Bucky’s on her face, assessing her. They hadn’t spoken since he left her new desk for her to find.

“Bullshit,” Steve said, his curse word surprising her. “And that box would weigh at least twenty pounds. That’s not a job a library tech should have to do.”

“I’m trying to be useful –”

Steve pushed the backdoor open, glancing down at her, and she stepped through into the yard.

“You are incredibly useful,” Steve said, and she didn’t look at him, keeping her eyes on the grass as they began to walk toward the shed. “Before you got here, the school had no hope of having a library by the start of the new year.”

“You would’ve stepped up,” she said, unable to stop herself from accusing him.

He let out a little laugh.

“Yeah, well…”

He didn’t properly reply to her, their conversation falling away. He walked up to the shed and called out:

“Buck!”

There was a yell from within and Darcy stared at the ground.

_“What?”_

There was a silence and then the door swung open, revealing Bucky standing there, his hand on the door frame as he glared at Steve, his hands covered in dirt, his white wife beater looking grey from age and wear, the garment smeared with grime. His eyes fell to Darcy, blinking at her.

“Hey,” she said, holding up a hand in a wave. She felt like such a dork.

“Can you clean the carpet this week for Darcy?” Steve asked, and Bucky looked at him again, but he seemed off.

“Yeah, I’ll… yeah.”

“Thanks, jerk.”

“Punk,” Bucky retorted, automatic.

The exchange was swift but there was no venom to it. It was some inside joke Darcy wasn’t part of, and she kept her eyes on Bucky, which caused her to miss Steve turning his heel until he was a couple steps away.

Her face flushed at the realization and she wanted to retreat, but Bucky was looking at her again.

“Need anythin’ else?”

“No,” she breathed.

She folded her arms around herself and she moved to walk away, only to hear him speak again, softer than before.

“I was gonna –”

Darcy turned, and he was looking right at her.

“-buy a couple ladders,” he said, taking the rag he’d tucked into the waistband of his pants, wiping his hands before tossing it back into the shed. His hands didn’t seem much cleaner. “Since we needed another one. You want a lil’ one?”

Darcy blinked. “Uh. Sure. Thanks.”

“Didn’t figure you’d ask, but you’re too short to reach the top shelf.”

She closed her eyes for a fraction of a second, succumbing to the mortification of being seen. He must have seen that the top shelves weren’t properly sorted, the books on the very edge since she failed to push them in properly.

“Right.”

He reversed into the shed without another word and she turned back, sighing a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, I have moved an entire school library collection for free, and I did it in two days, not four. I'm hardcore that way. Also, that Beth line is mine, too.
> 
> Next part we'll meet more of the teachers and Darcy will have a conversation about her faith. 
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	4. Part Four: Oh. Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darcy's a mess and I'm a mess and so is everyone else, yay! ❤

_Keep a gold chain on my neck_  
_Fly as a jet_  
_Boy, better treat me with respect_  
\- **"GOLD" by BROCKHAMPTON**

_Finally taking flight_  
_I know you don't think it's right_  
_I know that you think it's fake_  
_Maybe fake's what I like_  
\- **"Same Person, Same Old Mistakes" by Tame Impala**

**Part Four**

**Oh. Shit.**

**SUMMER**

Darcy's weekend was filled with nervous anticipation. It went by so fast she barely managed to notice the hours passing by. She went to bed on Friday night and woke up on Monday morning feeling only energetic. She was surprised she slept, especially after the conversation she had with her mother on the phone on Sunday night.

“Mom?”

She always drew out the word, like she was prompting her midway through a conversation they never seemed to stop having. Rachel Lewis was never one to stop wanting to talk to her daughter, whereas Darcy had been avoiding this conversation for several days.

“I’m going to send you some money.”

“No, don’t do that,” Darcy said, picking up her fork to stir her ramen.

She was sitting on her bed while she ate, which was still the sleeping bag. She meant to go shopping that weekend for a mattress. She’d managed to get a frame from the local Goodwill. She planned on buffing out some of the scuffs, since the frame was otherwise perfect. She needed to buy some tools to put it together. She mostly spent the weekend lying around, never really relaxing.

“What? I’m doing what any sane parent does. They send their child money when they know they’re in trouble.”

“I’ll transfer it back,” Darcy retorted, though she was thinking about her lack of A/C in her car again, the crisp air when the outside world was sweltering almost too inviting. “And I’m doing fine. I got paid. Yay?”

“Darcy, your pride does not pay your bills.”

“What do I have to be proud of?” Darcy asked, laughing, no warmth to it. It didn’t sound quite right, her words too close to breaking the skin.

“I mean you can ask for help.”

“I’m fine,” she said, putting down her fork with a clatter.

“But also, you can’t go around being pushy,” Rachel added, and Darcy rolled her eyes. “That place is your place of employment, it has nothing to do with your soul.”

Darcy made a face. “What?”

Rachel was the last person she ever expected to tell her to hold her tongue about the Catholicism side of things. Darcy had never been asked if she was a church-goer, so she hadn’t offered up the information about her either way.

“So you’re still pretending you’re not Jewish?” Rachel said, and Darcy sighed.

“No, Mom. I am not pretending I’m not Jewish,” she muttered. “I just don’t go to temple and you _know_ that.”

That was how their conversations tended to go when religion came up. When Darcy woke on Monday morning, she slipped her grandmother’s Star of David pendant on to fit under her dress. She wasn’t sure about her fashion choice since it was a distinct shade of yellow, but she also didn’t want to dress like she was going to a shareholder meeting.

She pulled into the staff parking lot earlier than usual, only a little after eight. She managed to not run into anyone on her way through, except for a certain art teacher who was already sat at his desk, typing.

“Hey,” she said, trying to keep it light, casual. She almost got away with it.

“Hey, Darcy,” he called back, and he looked up from his screen.

It was the closest thing Darcy ever had experienced to a double-take, his eyes seeming to look at her twice. First, a cursory glance and then a second one, lingering on her legs for a fraction of a second before they snapped to her face.

“Nice dress.”

“I have mixed feelings,” she said, and Steve blinked.

“Why?”

“It’s very Morton Salt Girl.”

She’d begun to look forward to that smirk of his. It was like a little victory every time she saw it, and he didn’t disappoint now, his lips quirking at her as his eyes narrowed slightly.

He gave an elaborate shrug.

“When it rains it pours,” he said, and she laughed.

She walked down to the library and set her bag down. Bucky must have shampooed the carpets over the weekend, possibly as early as she’d left last Friday afternoon. She walked up the steps to look out the window of the second floor but saw no sign of Bucky outside.

A little after nine, she was standing at her circulation desk with her laptop while she fiddled with her Star of David when Steve knocked on the door, brows raised.

“You ready?”

“Yeah,” she breathed, and she shut her laptop quickly, following Steve out.

It was the first big staff meeting. The students were meant to be back in a couple of days, so Darcy expected she’d be saturated with a bunch of new names and faces to remember. She’d done pretty well at the podiatrist clinic in that regard, but she knew that was a smaller establishment than Sacred Heart by a couple hundred people. She walked beside Steve, biting the edge of her nail, chewing the cuticle as she listened out for strangers’ voices.

“Don’t be nervous,” he said, looking down at her.

“I’m not nervous,” she retorted, her voice snippy. “Why would I be nervous? Do I look nervous?”

“No, I must be outta my mind,” Steve muttered, glancing away.

They got to the staffroom and Darcy could hear overlapping voices with laughter in between and she readied herself, taking a deep breath as Steve waited for her.

She stepped inside the room and saw a sea of women of varying ages, shapes and sizes. Steve touched her arm and she moved with him toward the crowd that stood around the chairs that had been shoved into a haphazard circle.

“Everyone, hey – pipe down!” someone yelled, and Darcy felt her cheeks flush, all attention on her.

“Hi,” she said, holding up a hand to wave. “Nice to meet you.”

“She’s _adorable_ ,” someone said, and then there was laughter to follow that Darcy joined in with nervously.

The only other man in the room was an African American fellow in his thirties that came forward to shake Steve’s hand before he looked at Darcy, holding out his hand.

“Sam.”

“Hi,” she replied. “I’m Darcy.”

“We know!” yelled the woman who probably called her adorable before. “Your reputation precedes you.”

Darcy let out a little chuckle, unsure of how to process that. She hoped there was only good to be heard about her.

Sam gave her a smile. “I used to be a sub and then I came back this year permanently.”

“Oh, wow,” Darcy said, unsure of what else to say.

There was a redhead that got up from her chair and moved toward Steve, pulling him into a hug. If Darcy was to guess –

“Romanoff,” Steve said, gesturing to her when Romanoff’s arms were by her side again, the redhead’s eyes meeting Darcy’s. “Natasha.”

“Hi,” Darcy said.

“Okay, everyone! Everyone – we have a lot to get through, so can we –”

Maria had come in and Darcy moved to the nearest chair in her self-conscious panic, accidentally bumping into Sam on the way and she shot him an apologetic grimace. She sat down, her hands in her lap as she watched everyone else take their time. Maria seemed to be already running herself ragged.

“Welcome back,” she said. “Who was leading us this morning for prayers? Sister Martha?”

A woman with grey curls wearing a long-sleeved purple blouse nodded at another woman who picked up the laminated card she had in her lap and began to read.

Darcy froze, realizing what was about to happen far too late. She watched as everyone except her crossed themselves as the blonde reader recited the prayer. Darcy didn’t even try to pretend to know the words, though some of it was vaguely familiar. The Father, the Son and all that…

She didn’t close her eyes, instead looked over to the doorway as she saw someone else come in. Bucky stopped still, their eyes meeting across the room, which caused Darcy to promptly drop her head to stare at her lap, her cheeks burning.

The blonde woman finished and Darcy whispered “amen”, pressing her lips together as Maria glanced over at Bucky.

“Thank you for joining us, Mr Barnes.”

It didn’t sound scornful, merely teasing as Bucky went to lean against a wall instead of finding a chair. Darcy got the feeling that he wasn’t expected to be there usually.

“First off, I want to welcome our new staff coming into this year,” Maria went on. “We have a familiar face. Sam Wilson will be taking our second sixth grade class. And then in our library we have Darcy Lewis joining us for the first time. She is responsible for the collection being safely put back together.”

“Yeah!” someone yelled, clapping, and the rest of the room joined in, and Darcy tried to not notice Bucky clapping in the corner of her eye as she smiled.

“Since we have had some budget cuts, I will be acting principal for… the meantime,” Maria added. “We will be taking turns with relieving each other, bearing loads and so forth. I’m very grateful for what we’ve managed so far in preparing, but we have a lot of work to do over the next couple of days before the students come back on Wednesday.”

Maria looked at a brunette woman with glasses who’d put her hand up.

“Annabeth.”

“Hopefully no-one objects, but I would love to borrow Darcy in my classroom if she’s run out of things to do,” she said. She looked only at Maria as she said this, then beside her to another teacher. “We managed to take a look at the library on the weekend and we think it’s pretty good.”

Maria glanced at Darcy. “Darcy’s already got plenty on her hands –”

“I mean, with the amount of constraints we already have –”

“I hear you, Annabeth,” Maria said, smoothly passing over her words.

“I can do it,” Darcy said, and Annabeth finally looked at her, surprised. “Whatever you need. I can help. I’m happier when I’m busy.”

She had no idea if that was true, but she didn’t want to seem like a redundant little thing when she’d only just got there.

“Okay,” Maria said.

They moved on, talking about planning for lessons, maintenance issues. She didn’t see Bucky take any notes but he nodded while staring at the floor for the most part whenever an issue was raised. Then he slipped away when Maria began to talk about parental concerns and enrolment.

Darcy wondered if it was okay for her to do the same, since she wasn’t a teacher. She stayed anyway, and almost an hour later the staff filed out, Darcy moving the fastest.

She knew she should probably stay to chat but she hadn’t fully worked out what she was going to say to all those new people, and she did have things to do.

She almost collided with a man on her way down the corridor. She jumped back, both their eyes wide. He wore smudged glasses, his arms full with papers. It was then that Darcy noticed Bucky was only just outside the door she was aiming toward, wrenching it back open again while the stranger began to babble.

“I’m so sorry.”

“That’s okay,” Darcy said, and she blushed again.

“Bruce,” he said, and she took his hand awkwardly.

“Darcy.”

He ran a hand through his already untidy hair as Bucky stepped inside, pulling on some gloves, his arms on display again. Bruce turned to look at him.

“Did I miss the meeting already?”

“Yeah,” Bucky grunted, but there was a hint of a smile on his face.

“Damn it,” Bruce breathed and he walked off, calling behind him to Darcy, “Nice meeting you!”

“You, too!” she yelled, and she looked back to Bucky.

She moved toward the door and he stepped out of the way, holding the door for her.

“Thanks,” she said, walking out without looking back.

She was hit with the heat, the wind whipping her hair around and she reflexively dropped a hand to tame the skirts of her dress, walking briskly toward the shed as she heard footsteps behind her.

“Where’re you goin’?” Bucky asked, and he didn’t look his way, just kept walking.

“You got a hammer?” she asked.

“Yeah…”

She took hold of the door to the shed but he pressed his hand against it, stopping her. She glanced up at him, frowning.

“Please?”

“Why you need it?” he said, and she felt like she was being examined, his eyes searching her face, brows lifting slightly. He took his hand away but Darcy waited, shrugging.

“I need to hammer something, obviously.”

“Lemme do it, it’s my job,” he said, and she made a face.

“No, I don’t need you.”

Annabeth’s assessment earlier was still playing on her mind, so she pulled the door open, stepping inside. It wasn’t well ventilated, the room smelling of dirt and coffee. It was like a wooden sweat box, with shelves of tools and other gear all over the place. There was a bench and beaten up stool Darcy guessed was pilfered from somewhere in the school building, its stuffing coming out of the tiny hole on the seat. She saw a hammer on the wall and stomped toward it, stopping when something else caught her eye.

“What are those?” she said, and she turned her head, looking at Bucky. She pointed at the few books that lay in a pile on one of the shelves. “I threw those out. You got those out of the dumpster?”

“Seemed like a waste,” he muttered.

Darcy felt immediately defensive.

“Hey. I don’t like throwing books away, but those wouldn’t be worth keeping for some disadvantaged kid.”

She picked one up, a copy of _Coraline_.

“This has slime.”

“Had,” Bucky corrected, scratching his beard. “I got… most of it off.”

She couldn’t be bothered arguing, putting the book back. He probably already thought she was stupid. She turned back, grabbing the hammer from the hook it hung from along with a nail that was lying on the bench. She moved past him, the space too cramped for her liking.

He followed her all the way back to the library but she ignored him, taking the steps up to the second floor two at a time, grabbing the stepladder to move it under a spot in the middle of the ceiling. She grabbed the globe that she’d been blowing up earlier. She’d used nothing but her own lungs and she’d been lightheaded but now the globe was inflated and perfect, so she picked it up by the short string it was attached to and began to climb up the ladder.

Bucky rested against a bookshelf with his arms crossed as she did this. She’d rather he wasn’t there, watching her every move. She reached as close as she was ever going to get to the top which wasn’t very far in the first place but it was enough, so she pulled the globe up, fumbling the nail and the hammer.

She missed the nail and hit her thumb. She hissed, more out of shock than pain, though it was sudden and sharp enough to make her eyes water:

_“Motherfucker!”_

She sucked on her thumb, holding the hammer, and she glared at Bucky, whose eyes were wide, his hand covering his mouth.

“Are you _laughing_ at me?”

“I’m – I’m not,” he said, sobering, clearing his throat. “I’m not.”

She felt hot all over, staring back up at the ceiling, narrowing her eyes at the spot.

“Lemme see,” he said, and she glared at him again, and he gestured to her hand. “Your thumb, you coulda broken it.”

“Unlikely,” she snapped.

“You’d be surprised,” he said, and he moved closer, making a come-at-me motion with his hand, and she gave a long sigh, stepping down to offer him her hand, and he took hold of it, turning it over. “Nah, just bruised.”

She snatched her hand back and he let out a breath of a laugh, stepping back.

“I’ll do it, alright? You go find Mrs. Hendrickson,” he said.

When she gave him a confused frown he added:

“Annabeth. Since you have nothin’ to do,” he muttered, and she handed him the hammer and stalked off.

“Well, _now_ I have nothing to do,” she muttered under her breath.

-

Darcy spent the majority of the day helping move desks around and rearrange other parts of Annabeth’s classroom. She kept the details of her private life pretty vague.

“I wanted a change,” she said when Annabeth asked her about coming to Sacred Heart so suddenly.

“That storm could’ve taken out everything,” Annabeth said, though she didn’t sound very sad about it. “I will pray that my kids don’t have any muddy books…”

“I got rid of those,” Darcy said, glancing up.

 _Don’t be pushy_ , she imagined her mother Rachel saying. Annabeth was probably unaware of how lucky the library collection was overall. Other places would have thrown almost all of it out, but Maria told Darcy they simply couldn’t afford it. Such a thing was baffling to Darcy since she’d learned over the last couple of hours that tuition here was comparable to her college fees.

There was a knock and Darcy’s eyes shifted to the door, Steve standing there, his eyes on Annabeth.

“I need her,” he said, and Annabeth made a show of thinking about it, which Darcy didn’t appreciated. She wondered if this was how Bucky felt, a pair of hands to boss around.

“Okay, but I might borrow you again tomorrow,” she said to Darcy, who was already moving toward the door.

She walked out with Steve, both of them moving fast, and Darcy looked at him.

“What is it?”

“Deadly important shit,” he whispered, and she frowned.

“What?”

“I had to save you from Annabeth, _that’s_ deadly important shit,” he replied, and he winked at her, and Darcy hit his arm.

“Are you serious?”

“ _Yes_ ,” he said. “Also, your thumb is purple.”

“It’s not –” Darcy cut herself off, weaving past a chair in the corridor. They turned the corner and headed toward the art room. “Did Bucky tell you _how_ that happened?”

“Yeah, and then we laughed about it, it was a great time,” he said, and he shut the door behind them as they went inside his classroom. He cocked his head toward his desk, Darcy’s eyes following the direction of his.

“Oh, you got me coffee! And cake!”

“Calm down,” he said, but Darcy flew to the little plate and the mug that sat in the middle of his desk.

She sat down, picking up the little fork to dig in. It looked like some type of funfetti cake and she took a bite, shimmying her shoulders in glee.

“Your… standards are low,” Steve muttered, dragging a chair over to sit down, and Darcy snorted.

“You have no idea,” she mumbled, taking a sip of black coffee. She made a face at the bitterness of it. “I usually use creamer.”

“I’ll have to remember that for next time,” Steve replied, watching her with a smirk on his face, leaning his elbow on the table.

They sat in relative, happy silence as Darcy ate the cake. She looked up from her empty plate, sipping her drink.

“There’s a rumor already,” Steve said, voice soft. He rubbed his eye with a finger. “You ran from a shitty marriage and have to lay low. Since no-one knows a lot about Maria, they assume she found you through some shady connection.”

Darcy screwed up her face, putting up a hand.

“Hang on. Who’s ‘they’? And what’s with your cursing so much?”

“Oh, like I didn’t notice you not crossin’ yourself earlier?” he retorted, smiling at her.

Darcy took another sip of coffee. “Whatever. And that rumor is way-off. It’s way dumber than that.”

Steve didn’t ask her to elaborate with words but she could see on his face that he was intrigued. She put down the mug, looking at the ceiling for a second.

“Okay. And obviously this’ll get out anyway, but –”

“I won’t tell anyone,” he interrupted. “Was it a break-up? Because I do not recommend this place for starting over.”

Darcy blinked, her mind reeling with questions. “How’d -?”

“Did you move, too?”

Darcy looked away. “Yeah.”

“Sorry to hear it,” he muttered. “Who was the idiot?”

“What?” she said. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“How are you single?” Steve said, and Darcy felt her face flush.

“I was with the same guy for six years, Steve!” she said, laughing a little. “I…”

“I mean, _he’d_ have to be the idiot,” Steve elaborated, and Darcy could barely keep up.

She averted her gaze again, looking at her hands.

“I mean, I’d rather not talk about it. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Steve said, and she looked at him again. “And I’m outta line. Sam’s usually better at this, at gettin’ to know someone.”

“Right,” Darcy said, shaking her head, laughing.

She bit her lip, a silence falling over them. She thought of Ian and Amy, and how he’d left her earrings with Maureen on Friday and she didn’t have the heart to take them out of the box. She couldn’t see herself wearing them ever again.

“He cheated on me,” she said. “So…”

She shrugged. She’d only said it a few times out loud, with Jane and her mother on the phone. She had to see the visual reaction Steve gave her, his hand dropping to the table in shock, his lips parted.

“Oh. Shit.”

“Not my reaction, but yeah,” she mumbled. “Six years and you think you know someone. I thought… I thought he’d never keep a secret like that from me. Didn’t think he had it in him, to hurt me like that.”

“Men,” Steve said, and Darcy snorted.

He wasn’t straight. He said it in such a way that he knew what she meant, and not because he was just a man, too. She smiled at him, feeling a little better already.

“Got any more cake?”

“Nope, that was it,” he said. “And I lured you here to figure something out, because I just got told I’m sharing the literacy load with Hope.”

Darcy picked up a crumb with her finger, placing it on her tongue.

“What does that mean?”

“I’m gonna use the library for classes, and you’re gonna help me.”

Darcy’s mouth fell open.

“Oh. Shit.”

Steve smiled. “Yeah, oh, shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and leaving comments. I'm feeling needy. 
> 
>   
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	5. Part Five: Cake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being sweet and encouraging me and being cheerleaders and ahhhhhhh have another chapter. ❤

_We said we've never let anyone in_  
 _We said we'd only die of lonely secrets_  
\- **"The System Only Dreams In Total Darkness" by The National**  
  
  
 _And I don't want your pity_  
 _I just want somebody near me_  
 _Guess I'm a coward_  
 _I just want to feel alright_  
\- **"Nobody" by Mitski**

**Part Five:**

**Cake**

**FALL SEMESTER**

Darcy arrived on the first day of school just before 8AM, after a restless night. She’d woken up a few times feeling sticky, the air muggy.

It was next to impossible to truly settle herself as she moved around the house to get ready, though she told herself there was less and less for her to worry about. She wasn’t a teacher, she just needed to show up and take care of the library. Yesterday she saw some new students and Kindergarteners come in on their tour but she’d only given them cursory waves from her spot on the second floor. She and Steve had managed to work out some lesson ideas for next week when he’d start bringing in kids for literacy lessons.

“I can’t teach.”

“There’s only so much damage you can do,” Steve replied, midway through his typing. It made Darcy tilt her head, frowning at him.

“Thanks.”

He paused his work and glanced at her. “You want me to go find Annabeth?”

“No,” Darcy retorted, folding her arms. “I am thankful for this particular headache.”

“Stress headache and we haven’t even started school?” Steve said, back to typing, smirking. “Now you’re getting the hang of it.”

As she dressed for school, her stomach fluttering with nerves, she tried to not be too laid back or too prim. It was difficult to know exactly what was expected of her. She knew she couldn’t repeat the yellow dress without stockings and a cardigan to cover her arms. She knew jeans were barbaric, though her best pair fit her perfectly and cost more than her regular Target ones. She opted for a pair of wide-legged navy trousers that tapered in at the waist, her long-sleeved burgundy blouse contrasting with her skin. She only wore enough makeup to seem awake, wearing her eyeliner like always but only used the barest hint of colour on her cheeks and lips. She straightened her hair and kept it parted to the side, her mane falling down her shoulders. She took a selfie and sent it to Jane, hoping that by lunchtime she’d have some kind of encouraging reply.

She drove to Sacred Heart and parked in the staff parking lot, seeing several cars already there, including Steve’s and Maria’s. She took her handbag out and saw someone new pull up, his minivan covered in stickers at the back. She didn’t pause, unsure of whether it was a parent that waived the rules. She walked toward the backdoor, hearing him call out:

“Could you hold that for me?”

She turned, the door wide open. He was in his forties with his hair cut close to the scalp, his smile wry as he walked up, two children following him.

“Thanks,” he said, and Darcy nodded. “I’m Clint.”

“Darcy.”

“I’m the gym teacher.”

His kids moved past with ease, indicating they were familiar with the priviledge of the staff entrance. She gave a little smile and Clint went on:

“I was in Ohio until yesterday. Kinda missed all the excitement, but… sport hasn’t changed much in the last hundred years so I figured…”

He was being ironic and Darcy let out a chuckle, following him inside, the door shutting behind them. He glanced at her again.

“You working in the front office?”

“No, Lois and Flo are still there,” she replied. “I’m in the library.”

“I thought they cut that,” Clint said, looking perplexed.

“I’m a tech, I don’t teach…”

Clint seemed distracted by his kids that had run down the corridor and he sighed.

“How are they so awake this early,” he muttered. He gave her a little smile. “See you around.”

Darcy nodded, falling back to watch him leave, his kids screaming and running ahead. She walked around the corner and down toward the art room, listening out for Steve, but heard nothing.

She ducked her head inside, seeing his desk was bare. She hoped to see him before the day began, since he seemed to make her feel better. She walked to the library door and unlocked it, seeing some books had been returned through the chute.

She took them over to the circulation desk and put them aside as she started up the desktop PC. It was an old, clunky thing that she managed to get from another classroom upstairs. Maria promised her something new soon, but since school was starting officially that week, she needed something in the meantime, even though the keyboard was broken and rickety. She tried not the grumble as she waited a while for her computer to start up, the fan loud, which was never a good sign.

She remembered the summer she spent with Jane in her lap, resorting to a defunct Apple computer, a model that she hadn’t seen since she was a child. It still took floppy discs but Jane said it was the best they could hope for. If Darcy could deal with that hunk of junk, she could wait for a new PC for the school library. She tried to not think about how the IT department didn’t really exist here.

Instead of waiting for the home screen to finally pop up, she walked upstairs to the shelves and wandered through them, running a hand along the spines. Today was the beginning. She could say she was a library tech. She could tell people her job and not give the disclaimer that office administration, though she excelled in it, was not her intended career path. She wandered over to the window and looked down, seeing Bucky and Steve together.

She watched as the men walked together, their speech muted by distance and the thick glass of the window. Steve’s hand was on Bucky between his shoulder and neck, both of them laughing, and then Bucky shoved him playfully. Steve retaliated with his own push, and he clutched Bucky by his dirty wife beater, laughing at him.

Darcy felt as though she shouldn’t be watching, and if anyone spotted her she’d be judged harshly, which she supposed was fair. It was an intimate moment, which she didn’t fully realize until Steve’s forehead pressed to Bucky’s, both of them panting, before he pushed away, the men separating.

It wasn’t like two men on a sports team. There was undeniable attachment, and Darcy couldn’t stop staring, feeling her face grow hot at the sight of them so close together. There didn’t seem to be anyone else around. She found herself hoping for their sakes that no-one else saw them together – and the thought of her fear made her pause, finally turning away from the window as she saw Steve begin to walk toward the school building, Bucky staring after him with his hands on his hips.

She dashed down the staircase and got back to the computer, determined to be the face of nonchalance or at least vague boredom as she logged on. She eventually heard footsteps and then the knock on the door her eyes swung towards.

“Hey,” Steve said, walking over, and she felt her stomach twist.

He had no idea she’d seen. She felt like warning him, and yet she knew the assumption she made could also be wrong. She didn’t want to accuse him of something so personal, that he was being inappropriate in a Catholic school. She hadn’t asked about his dating life and he’d offered no information in return.

“Hi,” she replied, picking up the books to start scanning them.

Ava Hendrickson popped up, and she guessed it wasn’t a coincidence. Annabeth probably came by with her kids’ unreturned books from the last school year. Darcy wondered how many teachers had children at the school. She put the book behind her to re-shelve, her eyes avoiding Steve.

“Feeling good?” he asked, and she nodded.

He was being kind and she felt strange, and she knew it wasn’t just her nervousness. She finally look at him, forcing a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“No classes in here until next week, though,” he said, and she nodded again. “Maria said we have to settle in, figure out what works. I’m probably not going to get much relief this week for planning.”

“I should get ready for any kids that might come in,” Darcy said, changing the subject.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll get outta the way,” he said, his smile fading. “Have a good first day.”

She felt worse then, wishing she’d just kept it like before, all jokey and friendly. She didn’t want to seem cold, so when he reached the door she called out:

“I’ll, uh, see you at break time?”

He glanced over his shoulder, his smile back.

“I got yard duty. But hopefully I’ll get a chance to have cake. There’s always cake, first day back.”

He left and Darcy bit her lip, going back to her work.

-

Darcy got a few kids racing in and out of breath, handing her books before running back out again. Everything seemed to be rushed, and by the time the first bell went Darcy was glad to be hidden away in the quiet corner of the library, scanning and re-shelving books.

She heard the echoing voices of children talking as they all began to file into the assembly hall. Darcy hadn’t been in there before and had no intention of following the crowd, choosing instead to hang around the corridor and watch them go. Eyes watched her as they moved past her, children whispering. She was sure everyone already knew who she was, and she didn’t understand the fascination, beyond her being a new face.

“Are you Darcy?” a boy with a front tooth missing asked, and Hope shook her head at him, gently pushing him along with the other students walking in a long line.

“Miss Lewis, Dennis.”

Darcy wasn’t used to a title, though it was her name, and what else could she expect to be called? She would have to get used to it, along with trying to remember every staff member’s last name.

She might giggle when she referred to Steve as ‘Mr. Rogers’.

She waited until it was a few minutes after nine to walk down to the assembly hall, staying in corridor outside, listening to Maria greet everyone and begin talking about the year ahead of them. Then Darcy ducked out of the way when the doors burst open, a couple teachers coming out to usher out the students into the corridor. She stayed almost flat against the wall, watching as kids streamed back out, chattering as teachers tried to wrangle them.

Chapel, Darcy remembered. They were all heading for morning Mass. Apparently it was the bigger ones of the year. She saw Steve come out, occasionally telling a kid this or that on their way out. He spotted Darcy and walked over to her.

“You coming?”

“No,” she said immediately, though she’d intended to be gentler about it. “I won’t.”

He didn’t seem to react in any defining way, nodding and then following the kids out. He was talking to a couple of the staff, beginning to laugh at something that was said. Darcy tried to not feel left out, though it was bound to happen.

She slowly gravitated outside when the chapel doors were shut, and she hung around outside, hearing the priest inside begin. She folded her arms, thinking she should move out of the sun, so she walked back inside, her head down. She got to her corridor, Bucky appearing around the corner with a box under his arm and he stopped walking.

“Hey,” she said, trying to engage for once instead of avoiding him. Her body betrayed her, her face flushing. “You’re not going to Mass?”

She stopped walking a few feet away from him, their eyes meeting. She remembered that moment of Bucky with Steve, how his eyes were so bright with mirth, the two of them in their own little world. She couldn’t ruin that with gossip, even if the gossip was just her alone and her imagination running wild.

Bucky glanced over at Jesus on the cross on the wall and Darcy followed his gaze.

“No,” he said. “Why aren’t you?”

“Jew,” she said, and even took out the pendant from beneath her blouse, holding it up for him to see. She gave no other phrasing, simply ‘Jew’, and maybe that was a little offensive, but it was to the point.

“Yeah, that seems like a deterrent,” he muttered, and she felt her lips quirk.

She let go of the pendant, tucking it away again. She looked over at Jesus, frowning.

“It’s a grim image for kids to look at every day.”

“It’s worse in the chapel,” Bucky said. “Especially with the priest talkin’ about sin over the summer.”

“What sins could a kid commit?” Darcy asked, unable to help herself.

Bucky’s brows rose a fraction. “We’re big on Original Sin.”

‘We’, not ‘they’. She blinked at him.

“You think it’s wrong to indoctrinate kids that young?” he asked, and she frowned.

“Before you call me a hypocrite, you work here, too,” she retorted. “And… maybe I do think it’s wrong. So what? I’m Jewish no matter what.”

“I’m Catholic no matter what,” he said, and Darcy made a face. “You don’t know many Catholic people, huh?”

“I don’t know _anyone_ here,” she said.

He looked away, toward the door he’d been heading towards. Whatever he thought of her, she’d rather not know, but she was determined to get the last word in.

“I worked my shit out when I was five years old,” she said, holding up a hand. “I went to my friend’s older sister’s first communion. Jesus either lives in your heart or he doesn’t.”

“I work outside,” he said, which surprised her. “I’m not part of… this.”

He waved a hand.

“Neither am I.”

“You are,” he said, and he pushed open the door. “Or, you will be.”

He exited, and Darcy watched him leave, feeling inexplicably foolish. She wasn’t like the teachers there, she wasn’t part of the culture. She was meant to be in the background, behind the scenes or wherever.

She almost didn’t go to the staff room during the break, but the idea of having a piece of cake was more appealing than hiding elsewhere, and she moved toward a piece that sat among a row of little plates with forks and picked it up, turning toward the large table that took up the majority of the room. She slipped into a chair not close to anyone else, taking out her phone. Jane’s message was a little love heart, which meant she was busy but thinking of her.

Bruce slipped in beside her sans cake, heaving a sigh.

“Okay, Ricky is still a pain in the ass. Is Flo going to keep track of how many times we call in his mother this year?”

Darcy hadn’t met this Ricky kid, but his name had floated around and she didn’t wish to come across him. He sounded like a handful and a half, and they were stretched too thin as it was.

Natasha gave a chuckle from the opposite side of the table. “If she is, are we going to start a bet on numbers?”

Clint sat down beside her, chuckling. “Fifty bucks it’s once a week.”

“No, come on. Fourth grade? That’s when it gets dicier,” Bruce retorted.

“What are you talking about?” asked a woman Darcy hadn’t met, her hair in a long braid down her back. “Is it Ricky Wayne?”

“How could you tell?” Bruce muttered, and the woman laughed.

Darcy saw her name tag read ‘Betty Ross’ and she sat down on Bruce’s other side.

“I can hear your ulcer forming from here.”

“That’s not funny,” he muttered, though he was smiling. “I only deal with him in the playground and specialist lessons once a week. I am no looking forward to four days a week, come Seventh Grade.”

Without looking up, Natasha said: “We should have dealt with him in Second Grade better. I read that it’s the turning point.”

“According to who?” Bruce said, and Natasha tilted her head, smirking, and he added: “To _whom_?”

“A fancy psych study from Belgium.”

“He’s not the worst we’ve had,” Betty said. “He’s not like –”

“Don’t say the name,” Bruce said. “If you say it, you’ll summon one of them.”

All the while, Darcy was eating her cake in silence, watching the conversation play out. She glanced over at the stomping feet of Annabeth, who’d walked in with her hands up, sighing extravagantly.

“Has anyone seen Bucky?”

Darcy knew better than to answer truthfully, everyone including her shaking their heads. Annbeth rolled her eyes.

“He’s meant to be fixing my bulbs, one of them practically exploded –”

“Who said?” Natasha asked, and Annabeth stopped short, looking annoyed.

“I don’t know. Lois said she went up there this morning and tried switching everything on. If anyone sees him, tell him to do his job. For crying out loud.”

She stomped over to the cake and moved away without a piece, and Darcy made the mistake of lingering on her too long, her eyes catching hers.

“Settling in okay?”

Darcy nodded, flashing a muted smile. She got up, picking up her empty plate. She moved toward the sink as Annabeth hung around, getting out a mug from the cupboard.

“Stay, we wanna pick your brain.”

Darcy looked over at the big table and saw Natasha looking at her and she shook her head at Annabeth.

“I’m sorry, I’ve got work to do.”

She put her dirty plate in the dishwasher and stood back up, picking up two more pieces of cake, hearing Annabeth erupt with laughter.

She didn’t offer and explanation. She marched out, walking down the corridor, ducking outside. The grounds were full of people, compared to what Darcy was used to. She walked briskly over to Steve whose back was to her.

“Hey.”

He turned, eyebrows hiking.

“Eat.”

“Thanks,” he said, smiling at her. “You didn’t have to –”

“Shut up,” she retorted, turning her heel.

She heard giggles as she walked away, sure the audience found the exchange especially hilarious. She walked toward the shed and knocked, her heart racing by the time she reached it. There was no response and no sound from inside, and she walked off, determined to find him, wherever he was.

She walked back inside, almost walking into three boys that towered over her, all of them lean muscle and dressed in their neat uniforms, all of them snickering. Distracted, Darcy frowned at them, and the middle one bit his lip, his eyes roving her up and down.

“Hey, Little Mama,” he said, and Darcy felt hot with embarrassment, stepping aside.

This kid was harassing her in broad daylight with his friends laughing beside him. She glared at him, trying to find an appropriate response among the plethora of insults she’d otherwise love to use.

“Hey,” came a voice, and the boys all bristled, Darcy’s head whipping toward Bucky who’d stepped out of a classroom. “You kids got some place to be?”

The middle one frowned. “It’s a free country.”

“Apologize to Miss Lewis,” he said, and Darcy looked at the carpet for a couple seconds to collect herself, feeling smaller than what she knew to be.

The boys went quiet, glaring at him.

“Apologize,” Bucky said. “And then get the hell outside.”

“You can’t talk to us like that,” the boy said.

“I can.”

“Sorry,” one of the boys said, and the middle one hit his chest, annoyed that his friend was contrite.

They walked off, whispering to each other. Bucky waited until they were out of earshot.

“Little Mama,” he muttered, shaking his head and chuckling.

“I could handle it,” she snapped. She lifted the cake to him, pushing it into his chest.

He took it, staring after her. Darcy balled her hands into fists as she stalked off. She heard him follow her, all the way to the library.

“Hey, wait –”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” she said, and he let out a disbelieving laugh.

“Jesus, _what_ did I do?”

“Nothing!” she yelled, her arms wide, the sound surprising her.

She was glad no-one was there to hear her outburst. She dropped her arms, sighing.

“I’m fine. I don’t need help. I can do this by myself,” she said, stomping toward the staircase. She was determined to run away but he didn’t seem to be leaving her alone.

“Well, you go, girl,” he called after her, and she whipped her head around, glaring at him.

“You’re an asshole.”

“I get that a lot,” he said, shaking his head. He looked down at the cake. “Thanks for this.”

He left without another word, Darcy’s face burning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ricky isn't the kid that tried to accost Darcy. That teenage creep is He Must Not Be Named. For at least this chapter.
> 
>   
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	6. Part Six: Gavin and Cupcakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with this! And congratulations to those of you that picked the teenage nuisance as a Rumlow. If you were in my class you'd get a sticker. ❤

_Wait there, just enough to see you smile._  
_I mixed up the distance of the miracle mile_  
_You could never publish my love_  
**\- "Publish My Love" by Rogue Wave**

_My ex says I'm lacking in depth_  
_I will do my best_  
_You say you wanna stay by my side_  
_Darling your head's not right_  
_I say alone we stand, together we fall apart_  
_Yeah, I think I'll be alright_  
_I'm working so I won't have to try so hard_  
_Tables, they turn sometimes_  
**\- "Someday" by The Strokes**

**Part Six:**

**Gavin and Cupcakes**

**FALL SEMESTER**

Darcy spent the rest of the first day in the library, only sneaking out for the bathroom. She was inundated with students’ returns, the majority of them corresponding with hesitancy.

“Can I… give these to you?” was what tended to be asked, and Darcy knew that she had no authority. She had no semblance of it to these literal children. It was no wonder that teenage trio accosted her.

She tried to not think about her exchange with Bucky, either, since it was so unpleasant for so many reasons. Everything was undignified around him, and she had no hope of recovering. She worked through the afternoon and the fifteen minutes allotted after school for students, and then logged off her computer and looked around, wondering if it was okay for her to run home and have a big glass of wine.

She didn’t wait around for Steve, instead grabbed her things and wandered into the corridor, seeing parents milling around and chatting. Eyes fell to her, some adults waving to her and she gave polite smiles, knowing it was better to be friendly and shy than just ignore everyone.

She wasn’t usually like this. She felt messy and wrong, and she had an inkling why when she spotted Steve outside on gate duty, talking to a mother with huge Chanel glasses on her face that made her look like a bug.

“See you,” she said in passing, and he looked at her, blinking.

“Yeah, see you,” he echoed, but his eyes lingered, hopeful.

She shook her head behind the blonde mother, backing toward the parking lot. She felt watched, students still hanging around the school. She got to her car and unlocked it, slipping inside the sweat box before starting the engine and glancing around.

Too many people. She thought about waiting, but people already saw her escape, so she began to back out and slowly moved out of the parking lot and turned the corner and took off. She looked in the rear view mirror and saw Steve in the distance, her stomach twisting.

She felt lied to, though the only evidence she had of that was a fleeting moment that morning between himself and Bucky, and she hadn’t asked him about his dating life. She didn’t know him that well, despite what she felt. She thought he was something like a work friend, at least since they’d spent that day and a half going through literacy class planning. Maybe he was just a polite, Irish Catholic boy and wanted to include her because he was a team player.

Darcy got home and finally checked her phone, seeing a message from Gavin. She listened to it twice before deciding to call him back. She needed the time to be brave enough to hear his voice, knowing he could hear hers, so she drank a cup of black coffee and switched the oven on, grabbing a cookbook while she waited for him to pick up.

“Is that my girl Darcy?”

“You know it is,” she replied, laughing. “I know you have an iPhone.”

“I miss the mystery of landlines, don’t you?” he said, and she laughed some more, while simultaneously a lump formed in her throat.

“Yeah…”

“Darcy,” he said, and she felt the shift between them, something mournful taking over.

She made a vague affirming sound. It wasn’t Gavin’s style to talk about unpleasant things out in the open. He was so English that way, so avoidant.

“Are you living somewhere nice?”

“I… I don’t know what constitutes as ‘nice’,” she replied, clearing her throat. She sucked in a breath. “I mean, it’s got walls and doors and windows and a shower.”

“No bathtub?”

“No tub,” she said, laughing again. “Which sucks but I can always fill the sink and sit in that if I’m desperate. Or fill the shower floor somehow.”

He began to chuckle and she remembered the last time she saw him, several months ago when he was in town, wearing his tweed coat, his moustache peppered with grey. He smelt of peppermint when he hugged her close, when Ian only ever shook his hand. Ian’s mother Helen was sick, but Darcy knew better – she hated visiting their apartment. She hated how her son lived with Darcy, this uncouth woman with a big ass and tits.

“Gavin, did you know?” she asked, and she regretted it instantly.

To accuse him of being dishonest about his son – it made it seem like she had a reason not to trust him. She back-pedalled.

“I’m so sorry. Of course you didn’t know,” she babbled. “And I know that you’d rather not hear about it…”

“Darcy, I got a call from Ian the day after he said he ended things with you, and he mentioned this girl Amy –”

“ _Really_ , I know it’s not something you wanna –”

“I don’t like it,” he cut in, and Darcy couldn’t ignore how upset he sounded. “A man doesn’t do something so disrespectful for so long. And for that I’m sorry, my girl. I truly am.”

“Thanks,” Darcy said, because she didn’t know how else to respond, and she knew she had to say something, though her stomach was twisting at the thought of Gavin truly disapproving of his son when he’d always been so much more laid-back than Helen.

“I haven’t met her yet, but Helen has,” he said. “They went out for giant lobsters somewhere. They could have gone to bloody Chuck E. bloody Cheese, I’m sure the experience was entirely revolting.”

Darcy felt her lips quirk despite everything.

“So how are you, darling? Truly?”

“Not great,” she said, her voice tighter, like she was forcing it out. “But I finally got a job in the library field.”

“Oh, lovely! Oh, I’m so happy, that’s fantastic, Darcy!”

Darcy beamed in her empty kitchen, flipping through her cookbook. She thought about dinner, but it could wait. Instead, she spent the next twenty minutes making simple vanilla frosting cupcakes while she talked to Gavin on the phone. He told her about a new book he read, one about the Cold War, and he told her all about his process of attempting to use eBay to find some USSR propaganda for his office, simply because it was so out-of-date and in poor taste. He was cackling by the end of it, and Darcy was, too, so glad she decided to call him back.

-

She walked into the staff room the following morning with the tray of cupcakes, smiling along the way, placing them on the bench. Several teachers were having coffee at the main table and watched her walk in.

“Did you make those?”

“Yeah,” she said, and Hope got up from her seat, coming over. “Help yourselves.”

She picked one up, already unwrapping its casing, taking a bite.

“Oh, God. You better not do this again,” she mumbled, her mouth full.

Darcy stayed for a few minutes, making herself a cup of black coffee before walking back out. It was still pretty early and she knew there was plenty to do, her feet brisk as she walked toward the library. She didn’t see Steve in his classroom though she’d seen his car in the teacher’s parking lot. She didn’t seem to be looking for him although she knew she was – and then she heard him come in just as she was logging into her computer, pushing her glasses up her nose as she typed.

“Hey,” he said, a little breathless. He wasn’t smiling.

“Hi,” she replied.

“I need –”

“I –”

Darcy stopped, Steve doing the same. He approached the desk, looking behind him as if to check the door was closed and Darcy felt her stomach flip, her mind going to dirty places. She pictured him kissing her upstairs against one of the shelves, everything rushed and hushed, his hands under her skirt and lifting her up to wrap her thighs around him…

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her face already betraying her, as she was sure she was blushing.

“It’s about what happened yesterday. Bucky’s –”

Darcy’s heart sank, thinking of him relaying everything to Steve. She looked away.

“-pretty sure he’ll get reported. I thought you should know.”

“Right,” Darcy said. She hated the idea of him being in trouble because of her, because she probably seemed incapable in that moment of defending her honor. It all sounded so fucking stupid.

There was a pause and Darcy met Steve’s gaze again, seeing his brow was furrowed with concern.

“What were you gonna say?” he asked.

Darcy blinked. “Just that… there are cupcakes.”

“Oh,” he said, and he smirked. “Are they any good?”

“I made them,” she muttered, her eyes darting to her screen and she double-clicked on the library management system program, anticipating a slow crawl. The hard drive’s fan began to whir with the effort.

“Are they poisoned?”

“No,” she said, feeling herself smile a little. “Maybe.”

“Huh,” he replied, and she looked at him again, biting her lip.

She took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. For not… I guess for not treating you like a human being,” she said. “I opened up about my ex but I haven’t given you a chance to tell me… well, anything.”

It all came out in a rush and she saw Steve frown once more and then smile, but like he was trying to hide it, before he leaned his elbows on the circulation desk, running a hand through his hair.

“What… uh, do you wanna know?” he asked, his voice low.

It was unfair, the image of him pressing her into the shelves invading her mind. She narrowed her eyes at him.

“You got a girlfriend?” she asked, feeling herself redden some more, her ears now hot as well as her face.

He shook his head.

“Boyfriend?”

“You think I’m gay?” he threw back, and he grinned at her.

She thought about mentioning the way he said ‘men’ the other day, sounding like he was speaking from experience, but she thought maybe that would just make things worse.

“Are you? Gay?”

“No,” he said, and he stood up a little straighter.

Darcy glanced at the door. “What did Bucky tell you?”

Steve sobered, biting his lip. “He told me just now. He seemed pissed off. More than usual, I mean.”

Darcy nodded, folding her arms.

“I told these kids to leave the building during lunch when I was on my way out to yard duty. You were harassed.”

“I don’t know any of them,” Darcy said. “None of them came anywhere near the library yesterday.”

“They’re Rumlow and his two buddies Jacob and Morgan. Tommy Rumlow. Has a reputation for being a real pain in the ass –”

Steve glanced away, shaking his head.

“Actually, he’s a psychotic little shit but we can’t get rid of him, since it’s usually our word against his.”

“But you’re the teacher,” Darcy said, and Steve let out a short laugh.

“That don’t mean much anymore,” he said. “At least, not with his parents. His mom was the lady I was talking to yesterday when you were leaving…”

Darcy remembered the Chanel sunglasses, her long blonde tresses. She could definitely afford the tuition.

“And it’s not the first time he’s had Bucky step in like that,” Steve went on, shaking his head. “Last year he had an incident in the bathrooms –”

“I’m afraid to ask,” Darcy murmured, and Steve’s eyes snapped to her.

“Sexual deviant type of shit, and it means mandatory reporting,” Steve said, and Darcy felt her heart begin to hammer some more. “But… all he heard was the end part of it, and the other student was in third grade. Rumlow’s folks kept telling the principal the kid was making it up, their Tommy would never do something like that, how dare the school try to destroy their Tommy’s life…”

“What happened to the third grader?”

“He’s still here,” Steve said. “He’s a bit of a handful, too.”

“Is that Ricky Wayne?” Darcy asked, and Steve frowned.

“Why, did you meet -?”

Darcy shook her head. “No, just… staff room gossip. Bruce wasn’t exactly…”

She didn’t know whether she should repeat what was said, or how he and Clint pretty much wrote the kid off. They probably had their own reasons. Steve let out a sigh.

“He has ASD. He’s a good kid, he’s a handful, though,” he murmured. “He’s like Natasha’s little buddy, though. Bucky’s caught him doing dumb shit for years.”

“Like what?”

Steve laughed. “Uh, one time when Bucky was raking leaves outside Ricky was walking past these first-graders that were using the water fountain, and he leaned in and said ‘stop wasting water, you little turds’.”

“Oh, my God,” Darcy gasped, and she began to laugh. “What happened?”

“They ran off and told on him, but Bucky took him aside and told him to try to use nicer words next time,” Steve said, smirking. “He had good intentions. Poor execution. Scared the shit out of those first-graders though, since he’s basically a wild card.”

Darcy glanced away, thinking of yesterday again and how she’d yelled at Bucky in this very room only several feet away, her arms wide.

“I was a dick to Bucky,” she muttered. “I should… apologize.”

“Go ahead,” Steve said, waving toward the door. “I’ll… man this in case anyone comes in.”

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Darcy threw back, moving out from behind the desk, awkwardly squeezing past him.

“Yeah, this is a mouse, right?” he said, picking it up and examining it before putting it back down.

Darcy hesitated just the same, thinking of how she could have done this all differently and she could have avoided messy apologies.

“I know you’ve been hurt,” Steve said, and Darcy blinked at him, her eyes widening slightly at his words. “I’m sorry. Your ex is an idiot.”

“I spoke to his dad last night,” Darcy said, looking at the carpet, forming the words slowly to not screw them up. “I think I’ll miss him the most. He was so kind to me.”

“It’s hard for you to accept kindness,” Steve said, his eyes on the keyboard before they swung to meet hers. “I can tell.”

He and Bucky knew that. She’d shown that so many times now.

“Yeah,” she admitted. “I don’t like that about myself.”

“Go talk to Buck,” Steve said, and she nodded.

She slipped out, shutting the door behind her. She walked down the corridor to the back door and out into the yard, her heart beating faster in her chest.

She got to the door to the shed and rapped on it fast, pulling it open a moment later. She saw Bucky on his stool, his back to the door.

“Fuck off, Steve.”

“It’s not Steve,” Darcy said, and his head whipped around, his eyes wider like the time he found her hanging from the railing.

His lips parted.

“Hi,” she said, raising a hand.

“Hi,” he repeated, slow and unsure.

“I’m sorry I was mean to you yesterday,” she blurted, unable to keep her hands still, cracking her knuckles once, twice. She rang her hands. “I know you were just trying to help and I don’t want you to get fired because of Tommy Rumlow. I’ll tell Maria when I get a chance and I’ll take the blame. I should have been nicer to you since you made me the desk and all, and I should have let you help me with the globe and the hammer and-and I know it’s your job but I don’t want you to accept me acting like a bitch because – because it’s not okay, obviously.”

As she went on and on, Bucky stared at her, his mouth slowly curling upward.

“I’m acting like a crazy person because my boyfriend cheated on me and we were together for six years and I’m struggling to adjust. I have no friends around here and it shows because I can’t tell anyone anything about myself without it being a thing and I know, _I know_ it’s fucking _insane_ to put all of yourself into an entire other person, but I thought he was going to propose and it turned out he was leaving me for _Amy_ –”

She cut herself off, aware that the tangent was about to turn into a full-on rant about Ian’s failings and she was probably never going to stop because of Bucky, since he hadn’t said a word.

“I talk when I’m nervous,” she said, running a hand through her hair.

“Nervous,” Bucky repeated, and Darcy glanced at him again, seeing he was smirking at her.

“Yes. I talk too much when I’m nervous. You… you make me nervous,” she said. “Probably because you’re quiet and I’m not used to that… like, just _fucking talk_ , it’s not that hard – sorry. _Sorry_ …”

She took a step back.

“I’m gonna go. There’s cupcakes in the staff room. I made them. They’re not poisoned,” she babbled. “Okay. Bye. Bye forever.”

“Bye,” he said, and she turned her heel, walking out.

She kept walking, feeling a combination of relief and embarrassment. It was strange, but it was so much better than what she felt yesterday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	7. Part Seven: O'Sullivan's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't even look at me, I love this 'verse so much... ❤

_Baby, can't you see_  
 _I'm calling_  
 _A guy like you should wear a warning_  
 _It's dangerous_  
 _I'm falling_  
- **"Toxic" by Britney Spears**

**Part Seven:**

**O'Sullivan's**

**FALL SEMESTER**

Darcy wasn’t able to find Maria all day. She couldn’t stop the dread from building, but she had so many other things to do. Kids kept coming in with books they were finding at home, things were getting mixed up, and at lunchtime and after school more students came flooding in with requests and questions.

“How old are you?”

“Are you Darcy?”

“Can I give you this?”

She was inundated, and it occurred to her that she didn’t have a suggestions box. She went through piles of returns while children screamed and ran around upstairs. She didn’t mind, but sheepish parents after school looked at her with apologetic grimaces.

“Ruby, please come down! You have a piano lesson…”

Ruby was a pig-tailed second grader that screamed at the top of her lungs, careening down the staircase with a copy of some kind of fairy book above her head, coming to a stop in front of her mom before slamming the book down on the circulation desk.

“Please,” she said, and Darcy picked it up.

Ruby kept jumping up and down and then her mom turned around, distracted.

“Where’s Ricky?”

Darcy tried to not assume who she was related to, but then it became undeniable when Ruby said with unshakable confidence:

“Ruby Wayne!”

Darcy typed in her name and then scanned the book, handing it back to her. Ruby’s mom was already walking out, calling for Ricky. More children upstairs were yelling and Darcy decided not to linger, though her curiosity was peaked.

Darcy went upstairs, seeing the children were absorbed in either books or conversation. By this time of the day, she noted how untidy they all got. The girls’ hair was falling out of their elaborate styles and the boys were covered in crinkles and dirt. She glanced at the carpet, and it was no wonder it needed shampooing before. It probably had little to do with the roof collapsing. She glanced up at the patched area then, sighing.

“My mom knows you,” said one little girl, and Darcy saw the Hendrickson family resemblance. Annabeth’s daughter Ava had the same eyes and hair minus the glasses.

“Does she,” Darcy said, uninterested.

She began tucking books back that were partially pulled out of their shelves. Ava came up behind her, pushing something sharp into her back.

“Ow, what the hel-heck,” Darcy muttered, glancing down.

Ava was shoving a book her way. “I read this one already. Where’s more?”

“On the shelf, where that came from.”

“You show me.”

Darcy drew in a breath, turning back to move to the shelf where the book came from. It was about some wunderkind that solved mysteries with her little poodle. Darcy was pretty sure it was a team of ghost writers behind it, all of them unimaginative.

“You read _Famous Five_?” she asked, and Ava made a face. “It’s a little advanced, but –”

“That’s for _boys_ ,” she retorted, disgusted. 

“It’s not for boys,” Darcy said. “There’s no such thing.”

Ava seemed unconvinced. “My nana gave me _Famous Five_ books. They’re so old. And boring.”

She flounced off and Darcy sighed. She went back downstairs, glancing at the clock. It was near closing time so she rang the little bell as a five minute warning. There were a few quieter kids that she liked best, simply because she could feel a headache coming on and lunch felt like such a long time ago. She needed to buy some snacks to stash in her desk.

Her life was so thrilling, she was brainstorming school time snacks instead of a wedding. At least she wasn’t like Jane, eating like a baby bird and drinking way too much coffee.

She shut up the library and was locking the front door when she saw a fellow teacher and a stranger speaking together in the corridor. The teacher was a young woman Darcy hadn’t properly met, she was aware of seeing her chatting with Clint at lunchtime. The man she was speaking to glanced over at Darcy.

“This her?”

“Mr. Rumlow –”

Darcy froze, terrified. She could only watch as the man walked over, her heart hammering.

“Hi,” he said, coming to a stop way too close for her liking.

Tommy looked like his father. That’s who he had to be, since he was old enough and they had the same smile and eyes.

“Hello,” Darcy replied. She looked over at Wanda, who didn’t show any signs of leaving them alone.

Rumlow extended a hand. “I’m Brock Rumlow.”

“Darcy Lewis,” she replied, shaking his hand. He had a firm grip. “I work in the library.”

“Yes, I know,” he said, and it unsettled Darcy. “I wanted to talk to you about my boy Tommy.”

“Oh,” she said, pretending to be surprised.

She looked over at Wanda again before meeting Rumlow’s eyes again. She didn’t like that he kept eye-contact like it was imperative.

“I’ve asked him to apologize for what happened. He said he only meant it to be friendly –”

“He said, ‘Hey, Little Mama’,” Darcy interrupted.

Rumlow blinked at her, clearly surprised that she reacted that way. He burst into a smile and Darcy despised it because she could see it was completely false, and he would have to see she sensed it.

“Listen, you’re new,” he said, and Darcy frowned. “My boy’s a little bratty sometimes but he’s doing a lot better than anyone else here makes it out to be.”

“If he meant to be friendly, why didn’t he apologize when Mr. Barnes asked him to?” she said, and Brock smiled again, shaking his head.

“ _Mister_ Barnes. That’s new,” he muttered. “You know that guy’s pretty screwed up? I doubt anyone told you _everything_.”

She thought of Bucky avoiding the chapel, his brooding nature, the way his arm shined with mottled scar tissue. She wasn’t about to ask Rumlow what he knew, since he would probably tell some lie. When Darcy didn’t ask, Rumlow dropped his voice.

“I’m just saying… you can’t trust everything he says.”

Darcy pressed her lips together and Rumlow shrugged.

“Nice to meet you,” he said, understanding that she wasn’t going to speak again. He walked off, Wanda and Darcy turning their heads to watch him leave.

Darcy finally took her keys out of the library door and tucked them in her bag, hearing Wanda walk over.

“I’m sorry, I told him I didn’t know where you were,” she said. She looked irritated. “I knew he’d throw his weight around.”

She was looking at Darcy with concern.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Darcy said, clearing her throat.

“I’m Wanda,” she said, smiling. She was so beautiful it overwhelmed Darcy a little, this woman who wanted to look after her, smelling of jasmine, her teeth bright and dazzling. “I’m in the theater.”

“Darcy.”

They walked out down to the staff room together, and on the way Darcy began to ask about Maria’s whereabouts.

“Hopefully she’s not dealing with Brock Rumlow now,” Darcy muttered, and Wanda rolled her eyes.

“Probably,” she admitted. “But it’s typical. Last year, Tommy broke my guitar. His parents insisted it was an accident…”

By her tone, Darcy knew Wanda was a non-believer. She went to the cupboard, offering Darcy a mug. Darcy shook her head.

“No, thanks. I need to find –”

She saw Maria walk past in the hallway and she took off, waving to Wanda, who’d begun to laugh at Darcy’s half-skipping.

“Maria?”

Maria turned her head, but didn’t stop walking. Darcy raced to catch up with her.

“I meant to ask you a question. You got a sec?” Maria said, and Darcy nodded.

“Yeah, totally. I know we have that check-in tomorrow, but – well, it’s sorta urgent and it’s possible that things may have changed –”

She spoke in rapid-fire, stepping out of Clint’s way as he was walking past them with a bag full of soccer balls, and he smelt of grass. She was mindful of keeping the language vague until she and Maria were someplace private.

Maria cut off her babbling calmly:

“How are things going?”

“Oh, they’re great,” Darcy replied, laughing nervously. “Everyone here is really nice, the work is pretty rewarding so far -”

“Darcy.”

“- and I love that I can leave before it gets dark. At my old job I was stuck inside all day and never got to see the sun –”

“Darcy,” Maria said again, stopping, and Darcy halted beside her, eyes wide. “Relax.”

“Okay,” Darcy mumbled, and Maria smirked.

They walked around the corner toward the front office and Darcy saw Flo and Lois spot her, and Annabeth was leaning against one of the front desks. Ava was beside her, looking bored.

They ducked into the principal’s office and Darcy looked around, seeing a portrait of Pope Francis above Maria’s desk, and Maria gestured to the seat for her to sit down.

Darcy sunk into the chair, placing her sweating hands in her lap.

“You… wanted to ask me something?” she said, hesitant at first.

Maria was distracted, beginning to type on her laptop, glancing at Darcy when she spoke.

“I just did.”

Darcy tilted her head.

“How is it going?” Maria said, and Darcy’s eyes widened in realization.

“Oh! That makes sense,” she said. “Sorry, I’m a space cadet. I think my landlord Maureen thinks I have narcolepsy, since every time she tries to catch me on my way upstairs, I go all blank-faced…”

It was way more than her boss ever needed to know, but Darcy didn’t seem to be annoying her. Maria nodded.

“My landlord calls me Maria Von Trapp. It’s a gas,” she deadpanned.

She passed a hand over her face, sighing a little.

“Just once I wish I’d finish a day the same way I started it,” she went on, looking out the window.

Darcy followed her gaze, seeing the children with their parents still outside, but most of them had gone for the day. Maria’s eyes swung back to Darcy’s.

“Ma’am?” Darcy said.

“I mean, I feel so exhausted every time. I feel like I’ve got so much good I can do,” she said. She blinked a couple times, her smirk returning. “And please don’t call me ‘ma’am’. It’s Maria.”

“Sorry,” Darcy said, automatic. “I sort of… panicked. I figured you were bringing me in here, shutting the door… only to show me the door.”

Maria looked surprised. “You just got here. You fixed the library.”

“I meant with Rumlow,” Darcy said, wincing a little.

Maria’s face slackened with resignation. “Yeah. That’s… nothing new. I thought maybe people were exaggerating just how bad it was, but – what do you know about Tommy?”

“He’s a little shit,” she blurted, and then she realized what she said. “I’m sorry, I meant – well, he’s not exactly –”

Maria put up a hand. “It’s fine. I’ve heard worse. _Said_ worse, too.”

“Steve said last year they wanted to report something but there was some kind of disagreement?”

Maria nodded. “Tommy went into the bathroom with another kid, asked him to show his genitals. Most other kids would say no right away, but… the other student went along with it. The story got back to Bucky when the other student was seen leaving with Tommy. Tommy’s not allowed to be without teacher supervision, usually.”

“Right,” Darcy said, feeling her stomach twist.

“His parents told us we were being dictators and their child should be allowed his independence, but then he vandalises things when he’s left alone, or… well, he does things like the bathroom incident.”

Darcy nodded.

“Or what happened with you,” Maria said. “Bucky told me first.”

“I wish I could have… _done_ something,” Darcy said, feeling her face flush with shame. “I was so rude to him after, I was so embarrassed.”

“Next time, and I don’t mean to assume, but with Tommy… there’s usually a next time, make sure there are witnesses other than yourself,” Maria said, her voice gentle.

“Maybe I’m not cut out for it,” Darcy blurted. “Seriously. What if I can’t stand kids?”

Maria chuckled, which surprised Darcy. She watched as her boss glanced at her laptop before shutting it quietly. She shook her head.

“It’s the second day. I think I wanted to quit back in June when the principal left.”

“Why did they leave?” Darcy asked, and Maria looked away. “Since I got here, things aren’t really forthcoming."

“ _Forthcoming_ ,” Maria repeated, licking her lips.

“I speak funny, I get it,” Darcy said, and they both began to chuckle. “I’m just aware of the lack of facts I know. And I haven’t exactly been honest, either.”

Maria smirked. “That’s fair. So you’re about to tell me you’re a Mexican wrestler or something?”

“People think you stowed me here,” Darcy retorted. “Come on!”

“The principal left because they ran away with the library teacher,” Maria said, not missing a beat.

Darcy blinked at her, her lips parting in shock.

“You’re kidding.”

“No,” Maria said, looking outside again. “And we don’t talk about it openly because of the school’s _reputation_ , which is… a whole other thing.”

Darcy thought of Steve and Bucky again, too close for what she thought was a friendship between two people. She shoved it away, hoping she’d forget it. She’d already asked Steve about his orientation.

“I mean I haven’t told anyone about myself,” Darcy went on, changing the subject. “I usually do that, icebreakers or whatever. I’ve kept to myself.”

“I had some inkling,” Maria said. “Since your references were so nice even though you were leaving your medical receptionist job.”

Darcy closed her eyes for a second, shaking her head.

“Messy stuff I’d rather bury,” she said, and she looked at Maria who nodded.

“That’s fine. Also, I think you’ll tell us all eventually. With your habitual verbal diarrhea,” Maria muttered.

Darcy knew she had a point, her boss’ eyes twinkling with mirth. She crossed her arms.

“What do you do when you’re nervous?”

“I sweat. So I wear deodorant.”

Right. Maria’s solution was so obvious. Darcy’s issues with oversharing would most likely get her into way more trouble. She got up from her chair.

“Tommy’s dad came by.”

“What?” Maria said, her tone changing, all humor vanishing. “When?”

“Just now.”

“You should have said straight away. It’s intimidation,” Maria said, and Darcy blinked, shaking her head.

“No. No, it’s fine. I was fine. I was in the hall and he was just there, and he was talking to Wanda, and then he saw me and talked to me about Tommy…”

She knew she sounded stupid, babbling on and on.

Maria leaned on an elbow. “Did Wanda stay?”

Darcy could see the point she was making. Wanda knew it was Rumlow policy to have more than one witness.

“Yeah,” she breathed, and Maria nodded.

She moved toward the door, reaching for the knob.

“Darcy.”

She turned, seeing Maria looking exhausted but her gaze was steady.

“I have a dog. Sadie. When I get nervous, I sit with my dog.”

Darcy nodded, swallowing.

-

The third day flew by. She felt as though it had been no time at all, but then she could feel her feet hurting from standing too long, her back feeling tender from the poor excuse for lumbar support that her chair gave her from sitting at her desk.

By the time the day was over, she was sure she’d fall asleep upright. She kept rubbing her eyes and getting smears on her glasses, watching kids weave in and out of the library. She had no idea how she was meant to get even more done next week when she began the literacy lessons three days a week with Steve. She knew it meant her mostly sitting by and watching as he taught, chiming in occasionally with storytelling or helping kids with suggestions for titles for their varying reading levels, but she was barely awake just from making sure no-one set the library on fire.

She saw Tommy Rumlow for half a minute after the last bell went, hanging around the corridor outside the library, and he waved at her, calling out:

“Hello, Miss Lewis!”

She hated him. She grit her teeth, looking away, not bothering to retort. Anyone would think she was ignoring him, and that was fine. She didn’t have to be anything to him. From what she’d gathered, he’d only borrowed books for his classes, and he never read for pleasure. For a kid of thirteen, he already acted so entitled. It was no wonder, Brock being his father…

He departed and Darcy moved toward the door to make sure he wasn’t by himself. She spotted Steve coming out of his classroom doing the same as her, watching Tommy leave.

Their eyes met and Steve broke into a smile, walking over. She hadn’t seen him all day. She missed him terribly, and she wanted to tell him that.

“Hey, Mr. Rogers,” she said, and he leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms.

She began to giggle and he didn’t tell her to stop, his eyes warm. She went on, softly murmuring:

_It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood_

_A beautiful day for a neighbor_

_Could you be mine?_

_Would you be mine?_

Her singing was a little off-key but it was worth the cringe-inducing effort, as Steve’s face went a little pink, the first time it’d ever happened. She turned her heel and walked back inside, Steve following her.

“We’re going out for drinks later,” he said, his voice low. “Are you coming?”

Darcy blinked at him, glancing over at the kids upstairs and then back to him.

“I knew it. Teaching makes all of you turn to the demon drink.”

She was rewarded for another smile.

“If I guess your drink, can I buy you one?” he asked, and she laughed, rolling her eyes. “And don’t give me a hint, I wanna earn it.”

“Earn it?” she repeated.

He made a show of leaning against the desk, narrowing his eyes at her shrewdly.

“Beer,” he said sagely, and Darcy snorted loudly, earning a curious child upstairs glancing their way.

“Let me guess,” Darcy said, before ringing the bell on her desk as a warning. “It’s the same as yours.”

“See? We know each other so well,” he said, and she smiled at him, unable to stop herself. “I’ll leave you to it, but it’s O’Sullivan’s down the block.”

Darcy thought about changing her outfit but decided that her skirt and blouse combination was fine. She didn’t want to drag herself all the way home to come out again, since then she’d be wanting to dress up and then people would see she tried way too hard.

She left Sacred Heart a bit after 5.30, unsure of what O’Sullivan’s was like. Whenever she went into a bar, she looked at them and judged them the way Ian always did. Everything was a little tacky or quaint compared to English pubs back home, but she told herself to be open-minded. If it was a dive, she at least hoped she’d get something deep-fried to snack on, since her stomach was gurgling for a while.

She parked and walked inside, hearing a jukebox playing Creedence Clearwater Revival. She glanced around, spotting Steve, who came over. Outside of school, she should have expected a different interaction, and still the hug he gave her caught her off-guard. His hand cupped the back of her head as his other hand touched her side. She felt her stomach flip, and she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as he stepped back, gesturing to a table.

Wanda cheered. Natasha, Hope, Clint and a couple other female teachers were also there. Darcy noted the lack of Annabeth or any of her clique and felt the tensing of her stomach lessen. She walked over, raising a hand in an awkward wave.

She looked at Steve and he motioned toward the bar.

“That drink I said I’d buy you,” he said over the music.

She grinned, following him over. She saw Maria arrive in different clothes and the table cheered again. Steve ordered two beers and leaned against the bar, peering down at her.

“Hoped someone else would be coming?” he asked, leaning forward to speak closer to her ear.

She had hoped for a Bucky appearance. She hadn’t managed to see him since she went to his shed and word-vomited.

She shrugged, grabbing her bottle to her lips to stop herself from speaking and Steve smirked. She thought about what to say to wipe that smug look of his face – but it could get messy.

_I saw you together. What’s that about? You seem pretty close._

The song had finished by the time they returned to their table, and Maria smiled at Darcy. Darcy gestured to her leather jacket.

“You look like an off-duty cop,” she said, and Maria chuckled.

Wanda leaned in closer on her elbow, giggling beside Darcy.

“Maybe she was a cop, once.”

“I wasn’t,” Maria said, and Wanda grinned.

She looked at Steve, her hand open. “I need a quarter.”

He made a show of sighing and passed her the money and Wanda dashed off to the jukebox.

“You better not be putting on any of that EDM shit!” he yelled after her, and several men not at their table cheered in agreement.

Wanda stuck out her tongue, feeding the machine some coins before pressing a couple buttons, dashing back to the table. She picked up a shot she had beside her purse and threw it back, and motioned Darcy drink up.

“You wanna dance?”

“What?” Darcy blurted, and Steve began to laugh.

Wanda was already tugging her by the wrist and Darcy decided not to refuse, since Wanda hadn’t made her seem unsettled when they met yesterday. She made it feel like her form of friendship was a baptism of fire, hurling them together to do something embarrassing.

Steve took her beer and Darcy was steered over to the jukebox just as Britney Spears’ _Toxic_ began to play.

“I _do_ love this song,” Darcy admitted, and Wanda laughed, taking both her hands.

They sang along badly, jumping around and laughing. Wanda was a far better dancer but there was little method to her madness anyway. Drake started up as Britney finished, and by then Darcy had loosened up, yelling the lyrics along with Wanda.

She went to her bag as Wanda wanted another drink, and Darcy grabbed a couple coins to pick her own songs.

By the time Fleetwood Mac came on Wanda was back out again and dancing with other people, and Darcy was sitting at the table, the conversation between several different people at once. She sat quietly with Steve as she sipped her beer, him doing the same in their companionable silence.

“Good first week back?” he asked, and she glanced at him, nodding and smiling.

 _Everywhere_ began and Wanda whooped in the distance. Darcy felt Steve’s eyes on her.

She had a crush. Two crushes. No boyfriend and _two_ crushes. Steve smiled back at her when she met his gaze.

_C'mon baby_

_We better make a start_

_You better make it soon before you break my heart_

_Oh I_

_I want to be with you everywhere…_

It was the song she heard Bucky playing when she first went to his shed to give him that plate of cookies. By the look on his face, it was clear that Steve was reading her mind, his smile more fond than smug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love everyone in this bar!!!!
> 
> P.S. Shout out to sarahbeniel for the suggestion of Wanda being a theater teacher.
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	8. Part Eight: It's Frankly Stupid

_Don't be insecure if your heart is pure_  
_You're still good to me if you're a bad kid baby_  
**\- "Bad Kids" by Lady GaGa**

**Part Eight:**

**It's Frankly Stupid**

**FALL SEMESTER**

Darcy’s weekend went by fast like the last one. The highlights were the sleep-ins and her buying a mattress. She told Steve this as she walked into the art room on Monday morning, her new travel mug steaming as she lifted it to her lips to take another gulp of coffee.

“Did you have it delivered?” he asked, referring to the mattress.

“Yes, by these two burly Russian guys,” Darcy said, leaning closer to recount the story. “I’m certain they were pretending to not understand English when I told them to be careful up the stairs –”

“Of course they’d act that way if you made them go up the stairs,” Steve said, looking a little alarmed but amused nonetheless. “What floor are you on?”

“First of all, _rude_ ,” Darcy said, raising a hand.

From where she was standing while Steve sat at his desk she clearly had the upper hand, so perhaps the gesture was redundant, but she liked being dramatic when telling her stories. Steve only chuckled at this, shaking his head as she went on.

“Secondly, do not assume that I had anything to do with the delivery guys taking the stairs. Maureen has been saying for the last week that the elevator was going to be fixed and it hasn’t, so…”

“Did you at least tip them?” Steve asked, and Darcy tilted her head.

“Who do you think you’re talking to?”

“Jesus, sorry,” he said, getting up from his desk. “I’ve been the friend whose helped people move before, and I never did it for free.”

She didn’t believe that. She could picture him grumbling about the task, sure, but he’d be rolling up his sleeves just the same. She watched him come toward her with his folder, motioning her to move.

“Am I banished?” she asked, and he chuckled.

“No, but you need to get outta the way so I can leave.”

“Where’re you going?” she asked, sidestepping him, his hand coming up to touch her arm as he moved past her.

She wanted to follow if it was anything to do with Wanda or Clint. Since Friday, she’d really bonded with some of the other teachers. Wanda liked tequila and lived alone, too, so she sympathized with Darcy’s issues with moving by herself. Clint talked about how he’d managed to convince his wife Laura to let him go to O’Sullivan’s despite having the kids at home with her, one of them less than two years-old. She was able to talk more about herself, how she didn’t expect the job but it came at the ideal time, since she’d broken up with Ian suddenly.

She tried to not divulge an unhealthy amount, but she was encouraged by Wanda, who seemed to want her to open up as the night went on. She and Steve were the ones to hang around the latest along with Darcy, the three of them sharing fries. Wanda was clearly tipsy by the end of it, Steve peeling her off of Darcy when they called it a night. Wanda seemed to have got a ride from Steve from Sacred Heart in the first place, and Darcy was trying to not read into that at the time.

“I want some coffee,” he said.

She followed after him happily.

“You christen the new mattress?” he asked, and Darcy felt her stomach drop.

Their eyes met and he looked away, closing his eyes, shaking his head.

“That’s… not what I meant,” he said, and Darcy began to giggle.

“I’d like to know what the hell you _did_ mean –”

She cut herself off abruptly as Annabeth turned the corner, spotting them before turning to walk toward them purposefully.

“I made eye contact,” Darcy whispered to Steve. “You better not leave me with her –”

“If it’s library related, I have nothing to contribute,” he retorted, and Darcy was tempted to grab hold of him to stop him running away the closer they got to Annabeth. “Don’t tell anyone, but I never learned how to fucking read.”

“ _Steven_ –”

“Hi, you two,” Annabeth said, her beaming grin bullying Darcy into smiling back at her forcefully. “How was your weekend?”

“Spent in bed,” Darcy replied, and Steve coughed.

She let the sentence lay there without context and Annabeth’s brows arched a fraction, her smile fading a little.

“Hilarious,” she said, without laughing. “I wanted to talk about Ava.”

Darcy remembered the interaction from Friday and felt her heart sink with dread, but she kept it together, feigning curiosity.

“Oh?”

“She said you told her there’s no such thing as things being for boys,” Annabeth went on, choosing her words carefully, like it was a foreign language she was speaking for the first time. “And I wondered what you meant by that.”

Darcy was no fool. She knew that Annabeth wasn’t so ignorant as to not understand the phrase. This was Annabeth’s way of asking Darcy to retract what was said.

Darcy stopped herself from crossing her arms in defiance. She took a moment to gather her thoughts, Annabeth’s intent stare unnerving.

“She wanted a new mystery, I suggested _Famous Five_ ,” Darcy said. “Granted, they’re outdated, but I still think they’re good and the language could be an appropriate challenge with her. I could sit with her and work it out, perhaps one afternoon after school.”

“No, I mean I want to know exactly why she was told that it being suited for boys was untrue. They’re stories about little boys, correct?” Annabeth said coolly.

“Three boys and two girls,” Darcy said, but Annabeth seemed to only take that as a minor technicality by the look on her face. “Also, Enid Blyton was a woman.”

“Yes, I’m aware,” Annabeth said. “I’m concerned that she’s being told untruths.”

“I don’t think I should be telling her what not to read based on her gender,” Darcy retorted, finally crossing her arms, her mug pressed into her arm. “Especially since she’s a little girl.”

“She’s impressionable.”

“Exactly,” Darcy said. “So you understand.”

“I’m confused,” Annabeth said, though she didn’t seem to be. She glanced from Darcy to Steve, smiling a little. “I thought you were a library technician, not a teacher.”

“It’s my personal belief –”

“I would say that’s an inappropriate attitude to have about Sacred Heart,” Annabeth said, putting a hand over her heart. “We don’t bring that to our students, ever.”

“What are you talking about?” Darcy blurted, unable to control her incredulity. “Ava’s your kid, and you’re telling me to back off? From a teacher’s perspective only? Gimme a break.”

“I’m sorry, Darcy, if you _feel_ –”

She sounded so fake and Darcy scoffed, waving a hand.

“I’ll keep my politics out of whatever weird-ass conservative stance you have. I just think Ava doesn’t need me handing her _Nancy Drew_ because she’s a girl. It’s frankly stupid.”

She felt a little sick as she finished speaking, realizing she should have kept her mouth shut and took whatever Annabeth meant to say without complaint, but she knew she wasn’t able to do that usually.

She didn’t wait for Steve to try to remedy the situation, because she sure as hell wasn’t going to, instead taking off, slipping past Annabeth, keeping her head down as she shoved against the door to the outside. She heard the ride-on mower in the distance and saw Bucky sitting on it, his bare back to her, and she wandered over, her arms crossed.

She didn’t yell out to him, instead watched as he moved up and down, his eyes snapping to hers when he realized he wasn’t alone. She hoped he wasn’t about to shoo her away, since she wanted to stay away from the teaching staff at least until she’d calmed down.

She held up a hand, this annoying habit of hers to greet him like a child, lifting her mug to sip it. He kept working, stopping when he got close, pulling out his earplugs and switching off the motor. Darcy held her breath as he got down, grabbing the rag from his back pocket of his jeans to wipe his sweaty face with.

It was borderline pornographic and she rose her mug again to cover her mouth, to distract in case she was drooling. She could see his sharp Adonis belt glistening in the sun and it was barely past eight in the fucking morning.

He glanced over at her and Darcy waited, pondering a proportionate response, before blurting:

“I came out here to cool down.”

He gave a faint smirk, sensing her irony. It was definitely hotter outside. He moved closer, wiping his hands now with the rag, his eyes elsewhere.

“Missed you Friday night,” she added.

She needed to be careful. She didn’t want to start babbling again, tell him too much because he unsettled her with his silence and handsomeness, his quiet confidence. His gaze flitted up to hers before he looked away again.

“People don’t say that usually,” he murmured.

“Why not?” she asked, and he looked at her.

“I ain’t fun to be around,” he said. “Don’t do public places.”

“This is technically a public place,” she retorted, and he smirked more prominently, undeniable.

She was pushing him a little but he didn’t seem to mind, his eyes falling to her patent leather Mary Janes that shined against the fresh cut grass.

“Private until you showed up,” he said.

“I’ll go,” she said, and he sobered, shaking his head before realizing she was joking. 

His face slackened and he smiled, a real smile that made Darcy’s stomach flip seemingly automatically, and she grinned at him.

“You got more books?” he asked, and she laughed.

“Uh, maybe. You finish those ones you stole?”

She was feeling better already, this beautiful man being around her the main reason.

“You were throwin’ em out,” he murmured, looking at the ground as he scuffed his boot. He looked up again. He frowned. “I would’ve come to the bar if you asked.”

“I don’t know if that’s true,” Darcy said. She thought her bluntness may push him further, perhaps too much, but he shrugged his massive shoulders, eyes downcast.

“I dunno.”

“What kind of books do you like?” she asked, changing the subject.

“All kinds,” he said, shrugging again.

“Come by later. I got literacy with Steve first. If I still have a job.”

“What?” he said, distracted, and his eyes snapped to hers.

She looked away, regretting how she reacted with Annabeth. She was probably just stupid and she should let it go, since she was meant to be working alongside her indefinitely.

“I might have started shit with Annabeth,” she mumbled, and then she grimaced, before drinking the last of her coffee while Bucky’s eyebrows hiked.

“It happens to all of us,” he muttered, and she sighed.

“Glad you find it funny…”

“She’s not gonna…” He looked like he was guarding something, biting his lip before letting it go. “Maria won’t fire you for one lil’ thing.”

“What if it snowballs?” she murmured, and he blinked at her.

“You the type to do that?”

Darcy shrugged a shoulder. She had an attitude problem. She’d tried to extinguish it over the years, ever since she was first told as a child that she needed to control herself. She never heard of any boy in her class being told the same thing. Her report cards gave the consensus that she was constantly found wanting, and that carried into adulthood. With Ian, she’d hoped to mature overtime, and she had, but she never stopped being ‘feisty’, as he put it.

Standing with Bucky now, she liked that he wasn’t telling her to behave differently.

“I should go,” she said, and he nodded, looking down again.

Her eyes darted to the shining scar tissue over his left shoulder and arm. He looked up, catching her, and she felt immediate shame, her lips parting.

“I’m sorry.”

“S’fine,” he grunted, but she could see he’d pulled back already, pulling the layers back on, his humor gone. “I’m the one without a shirt on.”

She tried to think of something witty to say, to melt away the tension, but she couldn’t find something sufficient. She’d ruined the moment and she let out a sigh, turning her heel to leave.

-

Steve walked into the library with the second grade class he’d managed to wrangle after the first bell and prayers, opening the door wide as Darcy felt her stomach fluttering with nervous anticipation. Two dozen pairs of eyes all stared at her as they walked in and up the stairs. They all squeezed into the corner up the back, Steve elevated above the kids while Darcy sat in another chair with her hands on her knees at the back of the group facing him.

She hadn’t seen him in full teacher mode before. He was very handsome, but in less obvious ways than simply his good looks. He was capable, patient, firm with the kids but not domineering. He commanded the room, asking everyone to take a deep breath before they began.

Darcy obeyed as well and their eyes met. He smiled at her and several kids turned their heads to stare at her.

“Everyone, this is Miss Lewis. We’re very lucky to have her at Sacred Heart. Everyone say good morning.”

“Good mor-ning Miss Lew-is,” the children chorused, some of them out of time. “And God bless you.”

“Hello,” she murmured awkwardly, feeling her cheeks heat.

A little girl with a long braid down her back rose a hand and Steve nodded at her.

“Chelsea, go ahead.”

“My _nonna_ knows Miss Lewis.”

“Are we… seriously starting the lesson with gossip, Chelsea?” Steve said, smirking at her, and Chelsea began to giggle. He looked at Darcy. “Can you believe this kid?”

The whole class began to laugh and Darcy watched them escalate, until Steve let out a sigh, putting a finger to the tip of his nose. Darcy copied him and he looked at her.

“One, two, three, eyes on me.”

Everyone went quiet as they put fingers to their noses, and Steve settled back again, picking up a book he had on the floor.

“Hands down. We’re going to start reading. But first…”

He turned the book over, showing it to the class. It was a copy of _Revolting Rhymes_ by Roald Dahl, and several kids began to laugh, recognizing the mischievous title.

“Can someone please read out what this title says?”

Almost every hand shot up. Steve pointed to a boy with ginger hair.

“Henry.”

“It’s _Revolting Rhymes_.”

“And who is it by? Remember, we’re focusing on this author for most of this semester.”

“Roald Dahl,” Henry said, butchering the pronunciation, but Steve didn’t scold him.

“It’s _Roo-all_ Dahl,” he said, and Henry nodded. “Everyone?”

“Roo-all Dahl!” the class chorused, including Darcy.

Steve flashed her another smile and Darcy watched as he turned the first page.

“Okay, let’s dive in.”

By the end of their reading portion, Darcy felt more at ease. She hoped more lessons would be like this, especially with Steve being such a good sport. She couldn’t see herself paired with a better teacher, unless Wanda was also part of literacy classes. After Steve put the book away, Darcy got up from her chair, moving out of the way for the children to depart for their school bags to use their library free time. Steve invited them to go in pairs to slowly trickle them out, and Darcy went downstairs to the circulation desk to start returning the books that began to pile up.

A few of the girls hung around the desk, peering at her like she was the main attraction. She looked at them, tilting her head.

“Yes?”

“You’re really pretty,” one of them said. “Are you wearing lipstick?”

She very obviously was, a matte brick-red one that she favored. She had tubes and tubes of the stuff in various drawers at home. It was a running joke with Ian, that she was never fully naked if she wore the lipstick without clothes on.

“Yep. You got books you need to return?”

Before they could answer, Steve interrupted as he took the stairs, beckoning the girls upstairs to the shelves. They scampered away and he watched them leave, leaning against the circulation desk as Darcy scanned and put the books aside.

The rhythmic beeping of the scanner with the soft thud of each book on the pile was soothing, and Darcy could easily fall into a daydream if Steve wasn’t there, looking at her.

“What is it, Mr. Rogers?”

“Can I get a high-five?”

She looked up eventually, and his hand was raised. She hit his palm with her own, and he caught her hand, smiling.

“I think we did really good, right?” he whispered, and she smiled back at him.

He still hold her hand and she liked it, probably way too much to be considered appropriate. She withdrew her hand quickly but as gently as possible, getting back to the books.

“It’s not as scary as I thought it would be,” she admitted, and he seemed pleased.

“You’re really good at this,” he said, and she looked up.

“You’re just saying that.”

She hadn’t done a lot, just helped him find the right wording to write about learning outcomes in his lesson plans, helped him get the book to show the class, and helped him print a worksheet…

“Come on,” he said, and she smiled a little, in spite of herself.

They went silent and Steve stayed there a few more minutes.

“Stop looking at me,” she murmured, her eyes averting to the computer screen, and he chuckled, pushing off from the desk.

“Maybe stop looking at me, too.”

She watched him leave, her eyes falling to his rear in his slacks as he climbed the stairs two at a time.

-

She almost expected Bucky to rebuff her suggestion that he come by the library after the way she stared at his arm so brazenly.

He knocked on the door as she scrolled through her phone. It was after lunch and she’d already put a lot of things away. She was becoming more used to the workload and had to stagger out the tasks or she’d be sitting around twiddling her thumbs. She had a pile of returns from lunch that weren’t exactly urgent to get to.

She put her phone away immediately and smiled at him, watching him touch the back of his head awkwardly as he looked down, seeing he’d managed to bring dirt in on his work boots.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said.

He was wearing a white t-shirt, his long hair down as he looked around, as if to check they were alone.

“Empty,” she said, and he looked at her again, pressing his lips together. “What can I help you with?”

“I heard you got books,” he said, and she smiled at him again, relieved he was making jokes.

She came out from behind the circulation desk and walked toward the staircase, Bucky right behind her. She bounced up the steps, turning back to face him when they reached the top, her arm wide, the other hand resting on her hip.

“Lots.”

He walked ahead of her, moving to slip down an aisle and she followed him, thinking of her fantasy with Steve again, his arms supporting her as he pushed her up, up, up the shelf. She could picture Bucky, too, very easily. Except she pictured his fingers deep in her hair, their noses brushing, his grip on her as tight as Steve’s, but rougher like he couldn’t put what he felt into words, so he was showing with his hands. Any of her speculation was extremely wishful thinking anyway.

He did look quite beautiful with the sun streaming in from the windows, his finger running along each spine, inspecting.

“You got a card?”

“I didn’t think I needed one,” he muttered, a hint of amusement to his tone.

She thought about it for too long, about being cheeky, still dirty-minded as she murmured:

“Don’t be scared. I’ve done it before.”

She turned her heel, crossing her arms, and she heard him let out a low chuckle as she walked down the steps to return to her desk.

She began a new account, waiting for him for another minute before he walked back down the stairs, three books in his hands. They were all fiction, all Neil Gaiman.

“I sense a pattern,” she murmured. “I need some details.”

“Okay.”

“Full name.”

“James Buchanan Barnes,” he says. “B-U-C-H-A-N-A-N.”

Darcy paused her typing, screwing up her face. “Like the… President?”

“I think my ma just liked the name,” Bucky muttered, shrugging. “I dunno.”

She managed to get his birth date out of him, and he was five years older than her, born on March 10th.

“Pisces,” she said, automatic. It was one of her many useless skills, knowing each zodiac sign. She was a Gemini, and from what she could remember, they weren’t that great of a match.

She handed him a card and a marker for him to sign and she scanned the books, handing them over. She flashed another smile.

“Thanks,” he said. “And –”

He looked down, at the books in his hands, his shoulders lifting slightly. Darcy could see his mood shift to something hesitant.

“It’s from the Army,” he said, and Darcy frowned, unsure of what he meant.

He looked right at her then.

“My arm.”

“Oh,” she said, feeling her face flush. It was so obvious. She drew in a breath. “I’m… sorry.”

She didn’t know what she was saying sorry for, but she knew it couldn’t hurt. At least, she hoped not. She hoped he didn’t misinterpret her sympathy for pity.

“Don’t be,” he grunted, his jaw set. “It’s…”

His sentence fell away.

“Thanks,” he said again.

He left quite abruptly and Darcy stared after him, letting out a long breath, standing alone at her desk, the clock ticking on the wall the only other sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOD to be Darcy. Fuck. ❤
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	9. Part Nine: I'm Avoiding You

_For all the times I can't reverse_  
_For all the places where it hurts_  
**\- "Church" by Aly & AJ**

**Part Nine:**

**I'm Avoiding You**

**FALL SEMESTER**

Darcy had a headache. She paced her living room as the phone rang and rang in her hand, and she considered throwing it against the wall. Ian was calling, and she didn’t wish to speak to him, but from the texts he sent her, she had reason to. Or, about fifty reasons, all of them books.

If she threw her phone against the wall, she’d be without a phone, and Ian wouldn’t hear it anyway. He wouldn’t know that he caused her to do that. She was made absent-minded in her own anger.

**_Dad called_ **

**_He said you got a job at a school. That’s great._ **

**_I was hoping we could chat? I want to move these books._ **

He then rang within minutes of the messages, probably because he saw the three dots, the grey bubble that indicated Darcy was typing furiously back. She couldn’t remember exactly what she planned to reply with, but it was probably an abundance of swearwords and not much else.

She finally put her phone to her ear after she pressed the green button, closing her eyes, rubbing them roughly, probably smudging her liner.

“Hello?”

“Hi, how are you?”

 _Now you’re asking me how I am?_ she wanted to yell, but chose not to. She thought of his quiet, matter-of-fact words about Amy. He chose someone better. She couldn’t help thinking that way, among all the hurt. She’d been pushing this away with work and other things, but she missed him, and she hated him as fiercely as she loved him.

“Fine, how are you?”

“Really good. The leaves are changing.”

God, he sounded like his father, mentioning the weather like a typical Englishman. It was always the second thing said. _The damn rain, it’s pissing down… the sun, it’s bloody hot today_ …

She hadn’t personally noticed the leaves. She was too busy inside mostly. She spent the last few days cycling through it all. Getting up early, alone, driving to Sacred Heart, doing the morning routine of seeing Steve or someone else or both, preparing for the day, getting through the fucking day somehow, hoping something would make her feel a little better… and then she’d go home to an empty apartment and she’d start again.

And yet she refused to feel sorry for herself. She didn’t want to fall down that rabbit hole of despair. She pushed through it, reminding herself that it was only the second week, and after tomorrow the weekend would be there again and she could rest. Maybe use her vibrator, even. The possibilities were endless.

When she didn’t reply, Ian cleared his throat, changing tack.

“I’ve packed up the books, they’re in several boxes.”

It was interesting that he called them ‘the’ books, when they were distinctly hers, or they were connected to her personally. Every one of those books in their library she’d selected. She’d had some of them since college, others were inherited through the years. She’d cultivated that collection, and her excuse for leaving it all was her wanting to flee that apartment as fast as possible. 

“You can’t bring them over?” she asked, when he paused for her to acknowledge him.

She knew it wasn’t like the earrings. These were boxes her landlady would have to keep in her dirty little office. And then Darcy would come home to her with that severe glare she always gave her when she ran up and down the stairs, never trying to mask the sound. Even thinking about warning Maureen about it filled her with dread.

“There’s a lot.”

“Obviously,” she muttered. Some of those, at least a dozen, were gifts she’d given him.

He didn’t want them. He didn’t want her. Darcy could sense herself closing up, becoming more hostile than diplomatic.

“I’ll get them this weekend.”

“You don’t have keys,” he retorted. “You’ll have to text me when you’ll be there and I’ll let you in.”

God, like she was a stray dog or something. Darcy drew in a deep breath and sighed, not bothering to mask it.

“Fine.”

She hung up, feeling her eyes prickle. That annoying, mournful little part of her was still sad about him not being the one she got to kiss anymore. She blamed a lot of things, including seeing the students’ parents with their wedding rings gleaming on their hands, for her still wanting Ian to take it all back.

She’d never forgive him. She didn’t think she knew him like she thought she did, since he lied to her for over a year, but maybe she’d stay with him and build a life again, try to patch things up.

Or maybe she’d just revenge fuck some guy from a bar behind Ian’s back and dump _him_ , make _him_ cry.

She scrolled through her contacts and pressed on Jane’s name, putting her phone back to her ear as she waited, stalking into the kitchen to get her dinner. As Jane picked up, Darcy retrieved the Tupperware of leftover Rojan josh she made last night, placing it in the microwave and shutting the door.

“Hey.”

“Hey. That sign worked, I think,” Jane replied, and Darcy heard the shuffling of papers as she pressed the buttons and the microwave whirred into life, spinning her food.

Jane’s issue with an intern had come to a head after he ignored her stern reminders that the area outside her labs was a non-smoking zone. He’d ignored the warnings, so Darcy suggested a formal sign of some kind.

“I pasted it to his head when he was sleeping at his desk,” Jane added, and Darcy began to laugh.

“And?”

“Well, he can’t look me in the eye, let alone smoke outside the labs.”

Jane sounded pleased. She treasured her workplace grudges.

Darcy listened to her friend’s woes, how Jane was working on a grant application since no-one else was willing to volunteer even though it wasn’t her job to. Jane tended to do more than what she should, which began to sound all too familiar to Darcy. Not that either of them would truly complain, but they picked up the slack, always.

“How’s your incredibly difficult situation of having _two_ sexy co-workers going?” Jane drawled, when it was clear that she was self-conscious of her own ranting. She wanted to pass the baton on.

“Fine. I think,” Darcy murmured, taking the lid off of her food as she placed it on the counter.

She hadn’t bought a table or chairs. Thinking now, she’d have to leave the books in boxes for a while if she was bringing them over, since she had no shelves.

“Steve wore flannel today. It was a moment.”

Jane let out a pained little noise and Darcy licked her thumb.

“You think I’m having fun? He’d never ask me out. He’d sooner ask out Wanda or Natasha, they’re both way cuter than me. And less dorky.”

“Hold on. I will not let you discount yourself,” Jane said, with fake sternness that made Darcy roll her eyes. “I work in STEM. As you know, we women need to be _lifting each other up_ …”

“Fuck off,” Darcy said with a light chuckle.

“What about Bucky?”

She hadn’t spoken to Bucky in a couple days, but she was busy and he seemed to be, too. He hadn’t come to the last big staff meeting. She saw him that morning raking fallen leaves and she stopped herself from doing that dorky little wave, substituting it for a nod. He gave her a little salute with two fingers and Darcy grinned at him like a geek anyway.

“He’s okay.”

She held off on Googling Bucky, but since he told her about being a veteran it had weighed on her mind. It wasn’t her business, and yet he’d offered that about his personal life. He didn’t have to. She didn’t ask.

There wasn’t much she could find without a social security number anyway, and she wasn’t about to go fishing for that like a stalker. She wasn’t that pathetic. At least not yet.

-

She woke the next morning feeling a distinct chill. At some point in the night, the weather had decided to give fall a proper introduction, and Darcy shivered as she glanced around in the semi-dark, fumbling for her phone to check the temperature.

She decided to pull on several layers and her favorite maroon beanie, holding off on the mittens, but wrapping her snood around her neck before filling her travel mug with coffee. She walked into school and spotted Annabeth and Steve together, his eyes meeting hers from a distance, and she knew she had to rescue him.

Annabeth seemed in the middle of some story about little Ava. Steve told Darcy about Annabeth’s two older sons, two boys that were never the best students. Ava was the baby of the family and full of ‘spirit’, or whatever other polite term adults used for children who were lively, annoying little shits. Ava couldn’t help it, Darcy supposed, especially with a mother like Annabeth.

“Steve?” Darcy asked, approaching them.

The first bell had just gone and children were beginning to race down the corridors. In a few minutes he’d need to depart anyway to retrieve his first class for the day. Darcy suspected Annabeth had cornered him. She tried to signal him making a run for it with her words.

“The Wi-Fi in my room is still patchy, I was hoping you could check on that again for me? After you go get your class?”

Her eyes widened slightly and he nodded, smoothly evacuating.

“Excuse me,” he said, and he shot Darcy a look behind Annabeth’s back.

Darcy pressed her lips together to stop herself from smiling at him, about to turn away from Annabeth when she began to speak again.

“Miss Lewis?”

Darcy drew in a breath. “I’m avoiding you.”

“Is this about the other day? I’m not upset about that,” she went on.

Children and parents walked past as Annabeth smiled at them, lifting her brow at Darcy a moment later.

“Although you were so hysterical I hardly know where you keep all that _pep_ ,” she muttered, examining her. She sounded half-ironic, but she bordered the line between rudeness and humor. It was difficult to know which route she was truly taking.

Darcy wasn’t about to ask her what she meant by anything she’d just said. She wanted to never speak to this person ever again if she could help it. She’d noticed her screeching after her husband yesterday about lacrosse sticks and the sound would be forever etched into her brain, particularly her pronouncing of her husband’s name. Not ‘Perry’ but ‘Per- _ray_ ’ like he was an exotic drink from _The Great Gatsby_.

“I come from a long line of cheerleaders,” Darcy murmured, which was a joke.

Annabeth burst into a smile, seeming to admire Darcy’s ability to give it back. She glanced away, waving at some passing mother, before she spoke again, her eyes elsewhere:

“Here, we don’t refer to one another by our Christian names.”

Her eyes swung back to meet Darcy’s, her smile fading.

“At least not during school hours.”

“I’m not Christian,” Darcy retorted. “But you’re right, Mrs. Hendrickson. Do we have a uniform like the students, too?”

Annabeth blinked at her, astounded.

“Or do you always dress like that?”

Annabeth’s lips parted and she let out a harsh little laugh, shaking her head. She left Darcy there as the second bell went, stalking down the corridor.

That was stupid of Darcy to do, she knew that. It was hot-headed and highly unprofessional. She let out a sigh and walked toward the library again. The regret sunk in once Steve stuck his head in after his first lesson.

“I got release. Thanks for – before,” he said, and then his face fell. “Are you okay?”

“I put my foot in it,” she groaned, leaning against the desk with her hand covering her eyes.

She took her hand away, letting it flop down like a dead fish, shaking her head. She told Steve the whole story and he began to laugh by the end of it.

“It’s not funny, she’s going to get the Mommy Patrol to bump me off. I’ll be fired.”

“What’s wrong with her outfit, anyway?” Steve asked. “I mean, she does wear the same outfit all the time. I didn’t think that was a bad thing…”

He was probably a little defensive on his own behalf, since he wore the same slacks and belt all the time. The flannel from yesterday was back, his shirt tucked into his pants, his sleeves rolled down.

“It’s not, it was the only thing I could think of! And I shouldn’t have said any of it. Now I’m really asking for it.”

“You’re not,” Steve said, waving a hand. “You just need to be prepared for… the apocalypse, I guess.”

Darcy could quote the Talmud but instead looked away, thinking of the other messes she already had to deal with.

“I should keep all this shit separate. Personal life, work…”

“It’s not that easy. Especially when this school is so close-knit,” Steve said, shrugging. “It’ll be fine. It’s not a war.”

“Should I apologize?”

“No,” Steve drew out the word. “Do not apologize to her. She’ll either be insulted by it or you’ll be implicating yourself.”

Darcy frowned. “You sound like you’re talking from experience.”

“Buck’s had to deal with it, with integrating. It was a struggle for a couple years,” he said. His joking mood seemed to be gone completely. “I mean, sometimes it’s worse than others, but they stay out of one another’s way usually.”

“She bitched about him the other day in the staff room,” Darcy snapped.

Steve held up a hand. “Ain’t nothin’ new. He pisses everyone off, including me occasionally.”

“You guys…”

Darcy began her sentence, unsure of where she meant to take it, feeling her stomach flutter with nerves. She wasn’t about to ask if he was sleeping with Bucky, but she wondered if the thought showed somehow on her face.

“You guys know each other a long time?” she asked, and Steve nodded.

“Since we were kids,” he said, smiling a little. “We grew up together. He grew faster than me, though…”

Darcy smirked. “You an ugly duckling as a kid? Find that hard to believe.”

“If it was a nineteenth century book, I’d be the invalid in the attic,” he said, and Darcy chuckled. “But then I got a growth spurt in high school and I put on some weight finally.”

“Were you in the army, too?” Darcy asked, and she saw Steve’s face change again, suddenly more serious.

“Yeah. He tell you about any of that?”

His voice was quieter. She shook her head.

“I was staring at his arm. It was really rude of me,” she muttered. She regretted that moment between them, so full of shame and awkwardness.

“We’re both orphans,” Steve said. “I joined the Army with him and he nearly lost his arm. It was an IED. I got out as soon as I could. Bucky’s…”

He looked away and Darcy could see he was thinking of old pains. She reached out and touched his arm without thinking, but he didn’t flinch or pull away.

“… he’s had to convince a lot of people to give him a chance again,” he said.

This outraged Darcy. Bucky had gone into a war zone to serve others and he was the one to suffer for it. She had some idea of how poorly veterans were treated, but she naively thought it was mostly on a government level. What could he have done that was so bad?

“That’s so unfair,” she mumbled. She rubbed Steve’s arm.

He looked down at her hand, nodding silently. Darcy hated the heavy silence that followed, dark thoughts about returning soldiers in their minds, Bucky’s brooding more understandable. She wondered if he felt betrayed, like Darcy had felt her family feel over generations.

Her hand went to her neck and she looped the chain around her finger, gripping the pendant when she reached it. She took a deep breath to cleanse herself.

“I need a favor.”

“Oh?” Steve asked, and his lips quirked. “Not just the fake Wi-Fi problem?”

“You know how you said you’d never help someone move for free?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm on the verge of mashing my dolls' faces together...
> 
>   
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	10. Part Ten: You Men Are The Worst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I faked you out, but I don't think you'll mind this chapter. It's my birthday today and I felt like writing something before getting into Darcy's weekend moving with Steve. And yes, Bucky WILL be there. And Ian.  
> Anyone else going to bring popcorn?

_Under your skin feels like home_  
_Electric shocks on aching bones_  
**\- "You're All I Have" by Snow Patrol**

**Part Ten:**

**You Men Are The Worst**

**FALL SEMESTER**

Darcy slammed her car door, flipping her hair out of the way of the strap of her handbag before she began her quick walk toward the entrance to O’Sullivan’s.

“Hey!”

She turned her head, seeing Wanda racing toward her. She’d gone home to change before coming out again, and now she wore a long black silk night gown with lacy accents over a white t-shirt. She looked barely older than the eighth graders she’d brought into the library that afternoon when Wanda needed each of them to borrow their own copies of _Romeo and Juliet_.

“You made it!” she yelled, her arms wide.

Wanda was infectious. Every time Darcy had seen her in the last few days she talked to her like it had been a lifetime since they last spoke, and she acted as if she’d always known her. Darcy had never had a friend like that, but it was nice. She’d always wanted someone who was ride or die for her easily, like it was a simple equation. She kept telling herself not to try to push it away, simply because it was new. Darcy tried to not think about how undeserving this all made her feel, these people being nice to her when she’d just got there.

Wanda hugged her and linked their arms, patting her hand as they walked up to the front door. As they walked in, they saw Steve had already made it to the table from the last time Darcy was there. Sam Wilson sat opposite him at the table and Wanda waved.

“Sammy!” Darcy said, and he burst into a smile.

Every time he saw her in passing he’d point at her and she pointed back. He was like Wanda that way – it was easy. She hadn’t had as much time with him to get to know him. She slipped into the seat beside Steve, nudging his knee with hers, leaning on her elbow.

“I heard he’s helping you move tomorrow,” Sam said, and Darcy looked at Steve when she answered him.

“I’ve moved most of my stuff already. Just some boxes of books. He’s doing it out of the kindness of his h-”

“I’m doing it for beer,” Steve cut in, and Wanda giggled. “She said she’d buy me beer.”

He glanced over at the bar, Darcy’s eyes following. He looked at her, narrowing his eyes slightly, but he was smiling.

“You can start now.”

Darcy pushed back her chair, raising her eyebrows at Wanda and Sam, as if to say ‘well, okay then’. She liked this, this bond with Steve. Earlier when she told him about her Ian-related problem, he hadn’t needed a lot of convincing. As she moved away from their table to go order some drinks at the bar, she smiled to herself, a secret one. She waited as the bartender filled her order, her eyes swinging back to the table.

Steve was looking at her and she didn’t avert her eyes. Wanda was speaking to Sam, and Darcy felt herself leave the bar. Steve gave a smile. It wasn’t like the others, cheeky or sometimes smug. There was almost a seriousness to the moment they shared across the room, and Darcy swallowed, staring back at him.

The bartender was talking to her and Darcy turned back, reality coming back. She used her debit card, took hold of the glasses of beer and walked back. She slipped in beside Steve, his attention back to Wanda and Sam.

“I like working with you,” Darcy murmured, her voice so soft she was almost certain he wouldn’t hear, and perhaps he’d ask her to repeat herself.

But then he picked up his glass of beer, looking down at it.

“I like working with you, too,” he replied, and he tapped her glass with his before putting it to his lips to take his first sip.

Others began to walk in, Clint with Natasha close behind him. Hope brought a guy Darcy hadn’t seen before, and he spilled his drink even though he was completely sober.

“Someone call Scott a taxi!” Clint yelled, and everyone was laughing, including Scott and Hope.

Darcy was getting steadily tipsy over the first couple hours, getting up to dance with Wanda and Hope. Natasha joined them after Wanda dragged her from her chair. Darcy kept asking the men for coins, leaning against the back of Steve’s chair. He didn’t seem to mind, looking up at her as she addressed the whole table.

“You may pick one song. No Dad rock,” she said, and she glanced at Scott and Clint as she said this, pointing. She looked at Sam, unsure.

“Not a daddy,” he said, and Darcy tilted her head.

“That’s a whole other territory,” Darcy said, and Sam began to laugh.

“You _are_ drunk,” Steve muttered, as if he’d been debating it with himself, and she looked down at him, one hand on her hip.

Clint suddenly stood up, and Darcy’s eyes snapped to the person he was greeting. Bucky appeared by their table, Darcy’s eyes widening slightly. Clint shook his hand and Bucky looked around at them all, so shy. Darcy’s stomach flipped and she moved away from Steve as Bucky squeezed past Clint.

She wanted to hug him, wanted to touch him somehow without overwhelming him or embarrassing herself, and she knew it was impossible now that she’d moved so fast toward him, beaming at him.

“Hi!”

He looked at her mouth.

“Hi,” he murmured.

He’d put on a shirt. A clean one. He smelt of cologne. His beard looked neater. He’d combed his hair. Her eyes kept finding new additions to him, her hands flexing.

“I’ll get you a drink,” she said, and she turned her heel, hoping he’d follow her.

She got to the bar and he stood beside her, the bartender looking at him first before Darcy.

“What’re you drinkin’?” he asked, leaning down to speak beside her ear.

The music was drowning out the rest of the bar. If Darcy had to guess, the song currently playing was one of Wanda’s picks, a song she recognized from the early 2000s, its bass making her sternum hum. Her heart was hammering just from Bucky’s lips being that close to her body.

“I wanna buy you a drink!” she retorted, and he pulled back, leaning to speak to the bartender, ordering two beers. “Bucky…”

“Come on, let me,” he said, louder than before, and she pretended to pout.

They walked back with their drinks and Darcy slipped back into her old chair beside Steve as Bucky pulled up his own from another table, squeezing in beside her. She was made aware of the abundance of masculinity around her, especially when Steve’s arm came across the back of her chair while he spoke to Sam about some student they both had.

Darcy tried to concentrate on people speaking, but she was distracted, being this close to the both of them. She was a little drunk, too, so that wasn’t helping.

Adam & The Ants began to play and Darcy took it as an excuse to get up abruptly, her chair scraping as she saw Wanda point at her across the dance floor, gesturing her to come over.

She didn’t bother offering anyone to dance with her, taking off to the circle of women jumping around instead. She chose not to look back at the table, her stomach fluttering.

It wasn’t crazy to assume Bucky had come to O’Sullivan’s for her. She could see everyone was surprised to see him. She tried to not think about the significance of it, his choice to subject himself to all the noise and variables of a public place. She danced with Wanda the most, for two songs, before they decided to head back to the table. Steve lifted his empty glass and Darcy went to the bar.

When she got back, several conversations were happening at once. She didn’t know which to insert herself into. Bucky was staring silently at a watermark on the table, his glass dripping with condensation. He scooted a little across when she settled into her seat, watching the side of his face. She didn’t know what to say, except that she wanted to include him, somehow acknowledge how thankful she was he’d come all this way. He took out his phone and Darcy lit up at his lock screen.

“Oh, my God, is that your cat?” she cooed, and he looked at her, blinking in surprise.

“Yeah… yeah,” he murmured.

He unlocked it, handing the phone to her. It was a white cat curled up like a little swiss roll, its eyes closed as it slept on a wrinkled bed sheet. She pictured Bucky taking the photo from above to get the ideal aerial view.

“What’s its name?” she asked.

“Alpine.”

Bucky took his phone back and showed her another photo. Darcy kept making little sounds at each new photo.

“He’s so cute,” she whispered. “When did you get him?”

“Couple years back,” he said. He put his phone away. “Steve talked about goin’ to a shelter to get a pet but I never did. Then… I dunno. I found this lil’ guy on the side of the road. His mama died. Woulda died without me…”

Darcy bit her lip. “ _Oh_ …”

“He showed you Alpine?” Sam said from across the table and Darcy looked at him, nodding.

“Lemme clear something up,” Clint said, and Darcy turned her attention toward him and the others at the other end of the table. “I heard Annabeth got a verbal bitch-slap today from our new library tech.”

Darcy felt her cheeks flush and she ducked her head. “Uh, yeah. Where’d you hear that?”

Clint pointed at Natasha, who was shrugging.

“I heard her when she came into the staff room at recess. Maria was there, too,” she said, and Darcy closed her eyes for a second. Natasha put up a hand. “Maria did not seem to find the issue… urgent.”

“Except?”

“Annabeth has Lois and Flo in the front office,” Wanda murmured, sucking on a bit of her leftover lime. “Maybe there’ll be a memo.”

“She called me hysterical!” Darcy yelled.

“Wow, I can’t imagine why,” Clint joked, until he realized the women present didn’t appreciate it. “Right. Not funny. Bad joke…”

“Has anyone else noticed how when you start a conversation with her and she asks ‘what did you mean by that’, you never end it with her saying, ‘oh, now I know what you mean by that’?” Wanda drawled. She threw down her lime. “Who wants to do shots? Nat?”

“And how come Chelsea knew who I was?” Darcy asked Steve, distracted.

His eyebrows rose slightly. “I dunno.”

Hope spoke up. “She said the same thing to me on the playground the other day. You waitress or something before?”

“Chelsea’s _nonna_ , she said. Her grandma. If she’s Italian, that narrows it down,” Steve said.

“I worked in a podiatrist’s office before Sacred Heart,” Darcy said. “Oh, my God. Is Chelsea’s last name Ricci?”

Steve shook his head. “Romano.”

“Romano!” Darcy yelled. “Her _nonna_ is Angie. I used to talk to her about her Bruce Springsteen merch collection.”

“You worked for a podiatrist?” Clint asked, his nose wrinkling.

“Shut up, you _men_ are the _worst_ ,” Darcy said without missing a beat. “You don’t go to a podiatrist when it’s not a big deal for you. You get infected toenails for years and never take off your socks. And then your wives call up and come in regularly, their feet are cute as fuck, or as cute as they can be with plantar hyperkeratotic lesions…”

She sensed people were losing her the further she went. She pointed at Clint.

“If your wife tells you to do something, do it!”

“Jesus Christ,” he said, eyes wider. “Sorry I asked.”

He looked at Wanda.

“Yes, I’d like to do a shot, Wanda. Anyone else?”

Darcy rose a hand and Clint threw back his head as he laughed.

-

As the night wore on, Darcy could feel her tongue getting looser. At one point, she threw Sam the question:

“Sam, you got a girlfriend?”

He snorted. “Yeah. Why?”

“My friend Jane. She’s single and really nice. She’s a fucking catch and you’d be lucky to have her,” she retorted. She heard Bucky chuckle beside her, scratching his nose.

“Sorry to disappoint,” he said. “Tell her I’m sorry.”

“You will be sorry,” Darcy said, taking out her phone.

She showed a picture of the two of them together, her arm around Jane as they grinned from ear to ear. Sam nodded.

“Beautiful. Very beautiful women,” Sam murmured.

“How long have you been dating your girlfriend?”

Sam looked away, calculating. “Four and half years.”

“Why haven’t you asked her to marry you?” she asked, and he began to laugh, as well as Steve and Bucky on either side of her.

“I mean to, but I’m worried she’d say no,” Sam said. “So what do I do?”

Darcy scoffed loudly, taking another shot from the tray in the middle of the table. She licked the salt from her knuckle.

“Easy,” she said. She threw back the shot, shoving the lime wedge into her mouth. She loved the instant heat of tequila. She sucked on the lime, mumbling:

“She ever come to Sacred Heart?”

“No,” Sam said.

“Ask her to come visit and then she’ll swoon over you being all paternal and shit. I mean, a male teacher? Oof,” she said, and Sam smiled.

“Okay. Maybe I will.”

Darcy winked at him, probably with less fluency than usual. Clint looked around the table, getting up.

“I gotta jet. See you guys Monday,” he said, offering hands to shake. He squeezed Nat’s hand that lay on the table. He looked at Darcy. “I like you like this, but don’t drink at work.”

Darcy pretended to nod solemnly and he grinned at her. Suddenly inspired, she asked:

“You meet Laura at school?”

“Nah, she was in a band,” he said, which surprised Darcy. “I was a groupie.”

Darcy let out a groan. “Oh, my God, that’s so romantic.”

Clint shook his head fondly. “Someone take her home. And Wanda.”

“Rude,” Wanda mumbled, nuzzling Darcy’s shoulder. “Getting singled out for making the most of our Friday…”

After Clint left, most of the others began to take off as well. Darcy didn’t mind. She knew the exhaustion of the week was catching up with her. The initial burst of energy she got from drinking had long worn off. She had to drag Wanda away from the dance floor with Steve while Bucky watched from the table.

“You got a boyfriend?” Darcy asked Wanda, wanting to her more stories of everyday romance.

“Why, you wanna set _me_ up with Jane?” she answered, waggling her eyebrows.

Darcy half-walked, half-carried Wanda out of O’Sullivan’s with the Steve and Bucky in tow. The sudden cool wind had her teeth chattering.

“I got a boyfriend,” Wanda said dreamily, smiling. “He lives in Manhattan. His name’s Jarvis. He’s British.”

Darcy immediately thought of Ian, made comparisons. Was Wanda close to his father like Darcy used to be with Gavin?

“I should _call_ Jarvis!” Wanda said, a little louder. “I miss him…”

“Maybe tomorrow,” Steve said, his phone to his ear. He was ordering a taxi while they stood on the curb.

The four of them waited together on the curb until the taxi arrived. Steve gave the driver Wanda’s address without having to ask. They put her in the back and Wanda waved. They watched until the taxi disappeared around the corner and Darcy looked into her handbag.

“You can’t drive,” Bucky said.

“I know,” Darcy said, more irritated at herself than Bucky or Steve, both of them hovering around her protectively as other men went in and out of the bar behind them.

“Gimme your keys,” he said, softer, and he obliged.

She frowned. “Steve, follow us.”

“Yeah,” he said.

He sounded different. Darcy couldn’t discern his tone properly, but he didn’t sound too pleased. She looked at him, not bothering to shield her confusion.

“Go, it’s okay,” he said, a little less stern. “I’ll come by.”

“I didn’t mean to get drunk,” she mumbled. “I mean, I did, but… I didn’t… think it over. I’m not that wasted, I’m just – I know I can’t drive. I’d never –”

“It’s okay,” he said again, cutting off her babbling. “Go with Buck. I’ll be right behind you.”

They walked toward her car and Bucky unlocked it, opening the door for her and she got in with a soft grunt, feeling the headache of her impending hangover already coming on. She passed a hand over her face after she pulled on her seat belt.

She put the address into the GPS on her phone in the little dock on the dashboard and Bucky turned on the ignition.

It was so strange, seeing him in her car, driving it without hesitancy, looking over her every so often to check on her.

She wanted to reach up and touch his hair. She wanted to run her fingers through it, watch him react to her stroking him gently.

She was drunk, she reminded herself. She was drunk and lonely and she was going to bed alone again.

“You came out for me,” she whispered, and Bucky looked at her again.

They were sitting at the traffic lights. No one else was around, just her car and Steve’s right behind them. They weren’t waiting for anyone. Bucky looked at her, and she felt her stomach flip.

“Was it good?” she added.

“Yeah,” he breathed.

There was a beep behind them and Bucky sprang back to life. He hadn’t noticed that the lights had changed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	11. Part Eleven: What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter at times is sad but it's mostly just silly. I hope you like it. Thank you everyone for your birthday messages yesterday. I had a great time. I love you 3000!💕

_What you did to me made me_  
_See myself something different_  
_Though I try to talk sense to myself_  
_But I just won't listen_  
\- **"Oh Well" by Fiona Apple**

_Lying so awake, things I can't escape_  
_Lately, I just turn 'em into demons_ **  
\- "Delete Forever" by Grimes**

_All I do is pretend to be ok so my friends_  
_Can't see my heart in the blender_ **  
\- "Blood in the Cut" by K.Flay**

**Part Eleven: What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?**

**FALL SEMESTER**

Darcy took the stairs two at a time, her hand on the banister, the movement of her skin against the painted metal and her sneakers on the steps making intermittent squeaks. She woke with a headache and no nausea – she hated to be Wanda right now, who was probably still horizontal out of necessity rather than laziness – but she knew if she stayed still for too long it would be made more obvious just how much the alcohol from last night had knocked her back.

There was a distinct mushiness to her pattern of thinking that morning, and she’d hastily texted Ian to tell him she’d planned on arriving at the old apartment after 10:30. Her grammar was poor and she thought of him correcting it silently, and the idea of him seeing her mess up such simple sentences was embarrassing. She didn’t want to care any more about looking like a fool, since he’d already made her one with his eighteen-month deception.

She walked past the open door of Maureen’s little office on the ground floor without acknowledging her. She knew it was just the beginning of how much she’d irritate the woman. She wanted to avoid the scowls as best she could, at least until she wasn’t alone. She hoped Maureen might respond well to her handsome helper.

Steve was sitting in his car as she wondered over, his sunglasses pushed down as he regarded her. When she slipped into his passenger seat and put on her seat belt, she threw him a look.

“What?”

“Who are you?” he asked, and she frowned, before remembering her outfit.

He hadn’t seen her like this before. She was wearing a pair of denim coveralls over a slouchy knit sweater, her hair up in a bouncy ponytail. She still wore her usual eyeliner and mascara, but her lips were bare, the blemishes of her face like the circles under her eyes there for him to see. She tried to discern his tone and like last night it was a difficult task. She hoped this wasn’t Steve revealing himself to be vain and ruder than she expected. To her relief, he smiled at her.

“You look about fourteen.”

“I thought I looked like a mom at Woodstock,” she muttered, and then she gestured to his choice of outfit. “What about you? You’re wearing a hoodie.”

“It’s Saturday.”

“Right,” she said. “So I’m not about to dress like one of those… Steppenford wives.”

She mumbled that last part, scrolling through her apps to open the GPS and put in her old address. She could sense Steve’s quiet amusement, his throat clearing as she pretended not to notice him.

“Darcy,” he began.

“Yes?”

“When you say… ‘Steppenford wives’, do you mean -?”

“What? What about about it?” she retorted, defensive. She watched as the blue arrow cursor pointed straight ahead on the map in front of her eyes, waiting for them to begin their journey.

“What do mean?” Steve asked carefully.

“I meant, like, you know. One of those fifties housewives.”

“One other question,” he said, and Darcy rolled her eyes, realizing her obvious mistake. “Could you perhaps be… confused?”

She slammed her eyes shut. “Yes. I said Steppenford because I was thinking of Steppenwolf and Stepford Wives at the same time.”

There was a brief silence and then Steve snorted, unable to keep it in any longer. Darcy’s eyes flashed and she geared herself up for some verbal retort, only to find herself giggling as well, until there were tears in her eyes.

“I’m tired!” she said, as her excuse for the blunder. “The coffee hasn’t sunk in yet.”

“I _like_ the outfit, by the way,” Steve said. “I meant you look different.”

He started the car and he glanced down at her phone before glancing around to back out of the parallel park at the curb.

“Just a quick stop first.”

“Okay,” Darcy said. “Where?”

“I thought we could use a helper.”

Darcy frowned, before her stomach dropped, and then she wanted to forget the whole thing. Having Steve hear her sound like an idiot was enough for her. She didn’t want more witnesses, particularly if they were who she suspected he was referring to.

“No,” she said, clear and resolute. “No way.”

“He’s strong!” he retorted, taking off. “And he said yes already.”

She wondered what to call it – since it was a conspiracy, but conspiracies were often out of malice. This was out of kindness, but it made Darcy feel irritated beneath her nerves.

“What did you tell him?” she snapped.

“That you’ve got boxes to move back and you could use the help.”

“So, nothing about Ian?” Darcy said, and then she regretted it by how Steve reacted.

“Why?” he asked, his voice changing. “There some reason I shouldn’t mention your ex?”

“I-I don’t know!” she said, putting up her hands. “It’s all so stupid and embarrassing. I have to get books from my old apartment, and my boyf-- _ex-boyfriend_ is going to be there to let me in? It’s all so nerdy and pathetic.”

Steve kept his eyes on the road but shook his head. “Bucky’s a nerd.”

She found that hard to believe and didn’t bother hiding it, scoffing as she crossed her arms. The action seemed to amuse Steve, his eyes meeting hers for a couple seconds.

“Oh, come _on_. He went to the library. He stole those books from the dumpster.”

Darcy chose to keep her mouth shut, quietly simmering away as he drove. He pulled up at an apartment block ten minutes later and he pulled on the handbrake, glancing at her.

It thrilled her that Bucky lived just ten minutes away from her, but in all likelihood, if she hadn’t gone to Sacred Heart she may have never known him. She knew that was the same with Steve.

“He wanted to,” Steve said.

Darcy drew in a breath, conceding. “Fine.”

She watched as Steve got out of the car. He told her he’d be right back, and she waited there, seeing him disappear into the building, and she knew that she wanted to follow him. She wanted to see how Bucky lived. Since he’d shown her those pictures of Alpine, she longed for more information, little titbits. She sat back in her chair and felt her stomach flip as Bucky appeared with Steve, wearing a similar outfit as his friend – hoodie and jeans, everything soft and worn, and she wanted to touch him.

She got out of the passenger seat and jumped into the backseat before either of them could stop her. She sat in the middle, pulling the seatbelt over and clicking it into place as Bucky looked at her in the rear view mirror.

“Hey,” he said, and she gave a little smile.

Driving toward her old apartment, she could feel her nerves setting in once more, and then the ETA was down to single minutes, and then they’d arrived, and she had no excuse not to go in now, especially since these two had come all this way for her.

She took out her phone and scrolled through to Ian’s contact and pressed the call button, the three of them exiting Steve’s car. It was a little after 11 now and she hoped this was going to be over as quick as possible. Everything felt unbearably slow as Ian buzzed her in, and she pressed the button for the elevator.

She hadn’t realized they hadn’t spoken for several minutes until the elevator doors shut behind them and they made their ascent, Darcy’s eyes on the numbers as they rose up and up. Bucky was the one to break the silence with a quiet murmur:

“Want us to beat him up?”

She let out a short laugh like a breath, knowing he was joking, but a part of her knew he was open to it by the way he was looking at her, eyes steady. She glanced at Steve, whose arms were crossed over his broad chest as he leaned against the wall of the car. He lifted his brows slightly, as if to say, ‘you know we could’.

She shook her head, smirking, and then they stopped, the doors opening. She took a deep breath and walked out ahead of them, with the purposefulness of a model on a catwalk.

She stalked toward the front door of her old apartment and saw Ian standing there in the doorway, his face slackening as he took in Steve and Bucky. He stepped back as Darcy moved past him.

“Hi –”

“Where’s my shit?” Darcy said.

She stopped in the middle of the empty living room, looking around, Bucky and Steve flanking her. She looked over at Ian, who was still trying to catch up. She hadn’t told him she’d have anyone coming with her. She supposed he had assumed she’d be alone, which was why Amy wasn’t there, either. Perhaps he didn’t want a repeat of what happened last time, her voice carrying like it did, her seconds away from screaming at him about the last time they had sex.

He cleared his throat, his voice even.

“The boxes are there, just…”

She glanced at Steve, watching him react to Ian’s accent, the realization coming to him. She wondered what he thought, what both of them thought, since Bucky seemed to be in his own world, looking at the cardboard boxes. Ian came closer and Darcy watched him turn more awkward, intimidated by these strange men Darcy had no intention of explaining to him.

He hadn’t bothered to tape them shut, so Darcy crouched next to the pile and opened one of the boxes, looking at them, lifting one out. A gift she’d given Ian last year. Had he already thought about how he was going to get rid of it, since he was already with Amy by then? She wondered how he wrestled with it night after night. She shoved it back, looking at Bucky.

“Those. I’ll take this one.”

Bucky didn’t have to be told twice, and Steve didn’t have to be told even once. He took his own two boxes stacked on one another while Darcy took just one. They began the trip back to the car, Darcy being the one to stay at the entrance to keep the door propped open as Steve and Bucky loaded the trunk. They took the elevator back up and they returned to Ian, who seemed to be staring at the wall while he waited. He jumped when Darcy said:

“Anything else?”

“No, just –”

He stopped abruptly as Bucky and Steve moved behind them, taking the rest of the boxes with ease. Darcy shook her head at Steve when he lingered, Bucky already calling the elevator in the hallway.

“My dad, he…”

Her eyes swung back to meet Ian’s. She was reminded of the first time they ever spoke, and he was so timid, so dorky, but his earnestness was palpable. He’d psyched himself up to speak to her at the senior mixer, he’d ironed his only nice shirt. Darcy had kept the dress she’d worn that night for years, treasuring the cringey first meeting. She was so glad she’d accidentally given it to Goodwill a couple years ago. If she had it now, she’d probably never get rid of it.

“He doesn’t want to meet Amy,” he said, and Darcy grit her teeth, so angry that she felt sympathy for him. She hated that she still had the urge to comfort him, to look after him.

He’d taken that part of her for granted, her good-naturedness, her instinct to help. She swallowed, feeling angry tears begin to rise despite her best effort.

“I don’t blame him,” she muttered, and Ian passed a hand over his face.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“What for?” she snapped. “What part? Jesus. Don’t even answer that. How dare you say that to me? What the fuck, Ian? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

She’d argued with him like this before, deliberately mean, spiteful and pointed. What’s wrong with you? Why weren’t you ever good enough, it implied. Why was Ian always coming up short?

Darcy thought of it, the insidious suggestion she couldn’t prevent her own mind from making – was she somehow to blame for all of this?

“Why didn’t you break up with me months ago? Years ago? Why did you have to do all this to me? Was it supposed to be easier on your conscience? Fuck you.”

The last part she barely got out, her voice breaking, hot tears falling down. She wiped them away, and she sucked in a shaky breath, her eyes on the floor. She couldn’t stand to look at his face anymore.

God. She knew what his come tasted like.

“I’ll talk to your dad,” she mumbled.

She didn’t say goodbye. She practically ran away, to slam straight into Steve, who’d returned, his hand steadying her, and she saw his eyes were colder, seeing her crying.

“No,” she said, and she stepped aside, walking toward the elevator.

She sniffed, feeling sick. She glanced at Steve, who was still staring in the direction of the apartment, his hands balled into fists.

The elevator doors opened and Darcy grabbed Steve’s sleeve, tugging him toward it, and he came back to life, moving behind her. The doors shut and they were alone.

“He’s…”

She wanted to offer some explanation. How could someone like that have emotional power over her? He’d managed to crawl into her heart and stay there for years, and now she was alone, and her life choices were all on display, in every pathetic detail imaginable. She shut her mouth, not sure of what to say. She thought she’d feel different, triumphant, almost.

Two good-looking men that Ian had never seen before, two men he’d probably never imagine her with in any capacity. That was the impression she wanted to make, but instead she’d got too upset to remain dignified, like always. Her battered heart on her sleeve and all that.

She walked past Bucky on the ground floor, whose jaw set when he laid eyes on her. She heard him ask Steve what happened, only for his friend to remain silent for once.

She felt cold rage, so cold it burned, and she wanted to race back up the building and slap Ian, kick him in the balls, maybe beat his head against the wall. She’d never wanted that more than now, to seriously hurt a person, and she even turned her heel to make her way toward the elevator, only to stop again with a squeak of her sneakers in the lobby floor, her eyes squeezing shut.

“Hey,” she heard Bucky say, and she shook her head. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” she snapped, and she glared at him, narrowing her eyes. “You wanna tell me what to do, now? Is that what you’re doing?”

“No,” he replied, his eyes searching her face, his mouth opening and shutting, words failing. “I dunno… no.”

“Why the fuck are we still here, then,” she snarled, and she stalked back toward the exit.

She burst outside, and Steve said:

“He’s staring at us.”

“What?” she said, and she looked up, seeing a figure at the window she knew occupied the living room of the old apartment.

She’d had sex against that window once, one New Year’s Eve when she was giggly with champagne. The memory was tainted now. He was already with Amy by then.

“I am never going to see him again,” she said, more to herself than either Bucky or Steve.

They were all staring back at Ian, who was on the phone, turning away from them to speak. She knew he’d be calling Amy to tell her how mean she’d been, how angry. He’d probably say something about how they could finally put this all behind them, this unpleasantness of this inconvenient woman Darcy had become to him.

So now what was she meant to do, with all the anger and hurt? And while she was being honest, what was she meant to do with the love she still carried? She wanted to purge herself of it all, and the hurt had made her impatient. She knew it would take time. Her own mother spent years of her life moving on from Darcy’s cheating father.

Because that’s what it ultimately came back to – the old hurt, the memories from her childhood that sustained her suspicions of men overtime. They were not to be trusted, and any man that showed the slightest sign of attraction toward her also couldn’t be taken at face value.

There was a voice in her head that told her now that she couldn’t do the same to either Steve or Bucky. The voice told her they were different. Not that she had any plan to take her crushes any further. She hadn’t even known them a month.

She sat down in Steve’s backseat, letting out a sigh.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and it was directed at Bucky, who’d turned in his seat to look at her.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “That limey’s a dumbass prick.”

She let out a burst of laughter that surprised her, her hand coming up to smother the sound. Steve started the car as Bucky and Darcy just looked at one another for several seconds, Darcy’s mirth slowly subsiding.

They drove in relative silence. Darcy saw Ian text her:

**_Please speak to Dad_ **

She saw him begin to type some more but the bubbles disappeared. She sensed his curiosity. He wanted to know who her new friends were. Darcy put her phone away, leaning against the window sill.

-

Maureen had her arms crossed, leaning against her doorframe as Darcy arrived with Steve and Bucky in tow. The middle-aged woman’s eyebrows hiked and she narrowed her eyes at Darcy a second later.

“Elevator’s still out?” Darcy asked, and Maureen’s frowned deepened.

“Yeah. You gonna make a lot of noise all day or what?”

“No, ma’am,” Steve said, and she blinked at him, surprised by his sudden charm.

“Well,” she said. “You better not. Other people live here, you know.”

Darcy had already begun the climb up the stairs, nodding though her back was to Maureen and the others. By the time she reached her door, she was panting a little and trying not to show it, fumbling her keys before sticking the right one in her door.

At least she’d done a quick clean that morning, though there was still some left to be desired. She knew a vacuum would make it seem like she had her life together, and she tried to not take note of each long dark hair of hers she found on the floor as she walked through.

“Jesus,” Steve said, and she looked at him.

“What?” she retorted. “I’m busy. I haven’t had time to go to IKEA.”

Bucky made a face at that she hadn’t seen before. She met his eye.

“What? What’s wrong with –?”

“Don’t say the ‘I’ word around him,” Steve said.

Bucky was muttering something under his breath Darcy couldn’t hear and she began to giggle at his grumpiness, watching him set two boxes down. Steve smirked and walked back out, his hands already free. Bucky stood back up and dusted his hands off, blinking at Darcy.

“What?”

“You’re cute when you’re angry,” she said, and he went instantly pink.

It was intensely satisfying, and he reached up to touch the back of his head. He looked younger then with his bashfulness.

“I’m gonna get my tape measure,” he muttered, and he walked out.

Darcy bit her lip, feeling her heart hammering. Apparently she was onto blatantly flirting with Bucky now, when only fifteen minutes ago she was close to yelling at him.

Steve and Bucky returned, and Bucky was different, significantly looser, and Darcy couldn’t regret her naughty little outburst.

“Steve’s made a friend,” he said, eyebrows raising.

He crouched with a tape measure, and Darcy’s eyes met Steve’s, who looked unamused.

“He caught your landlady staring at my ass.”

“What, that thing?” Darcy said, and Bucky let out a chuckle as he measured a space against her wall.

Steve scrunched his nose. “I…”

Darcy looked down at Bucky, feeling her cheeks heat. “What’re you doing?”

“He’s gonna build you a shelf,” Steve said.

He put the last two boxes down with a thud, standing back up again. He shot Steve a look.

“Did I ruin the surprise?” Steve said, a grin forming.

“Yeah, ya did,” Bucky grunted.

“You don’t have to –” Darcy began, but Bucky waved a hand. “Okay, fine, then. I will take the shelf. Also, Steve –”

Steve looked at her, and her stomach flipped.

“I have it on good authority that your butt is nice, so stop being sensitive,” she said, and Steve opened his mouth, Bucky laughing louder than ever, the sound music to Darcy’s ears. “Would either of you like to get lunch?”

Darcy looked at Bucky.

“Hmm?”

He nodded. She looked at Steve.

“Steve? Steve’s ass?”

“Yes,” Steve said, laughing. “Jesus. Me and my ass would be happy to.”

-

They went to a diner and ate burgers. They drove Darcy home after, and she wanted to hug them both but held off on it, not sure she could trust herself if she allowed herself more physical contact of any type.

“Thank you for today,” she said, leaning through Steve’s window to speak to them both.

She was aware of the small amount of space between her cheek and Steve’s face. She looked at Bucky to distract herself.

“S’nothing,” he murmured.

“See you Monday,” she added. “All three of you.”

She glanced heard Steve snort and she watched Bucky grin at her slowly. She swallowed.

“I mean, the four of you.”

Totally inappropriate, she thought. She was objectifying them both blatantly now. She finally looked at Steve, holding her breath at the look he gave her, his eyes so intently staring back at her.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “See you.”

She pulled back, crossing her arms. She watched them leave, waving like a dork, not wanting to hide that part of her anymore. As they disappeared around the corner, she let out a low whistle, rubbing her burning cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	12. Part Twelve: Okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back to the train wreck!

_Confusion in her eyes that says it all._  
_She's lost control._  
_And she's clinging to the nearest passer by,_  
_She's lost control._  
**\- "She's Lost Control" by Joy Division**

**Part Twelve:**

**Okay?**

**FALL SEMESTER**

Bruce Banner was waiting for Darcy to open the library when she arrived on Monday morning. She’d flung herself out of bed with the kind of excitement she knew Maria alluded to days ago, except she hoped to sustain it. She spent the rest of her weekend feeling optimistic and the closest thing to belonging in a long time.

Darcy adjusted the strap of her handbag on her shoulder, smiling at Bruce as she came up to the front door. He looked sheepish, and also like he was barely covering how stressed out he was.

“Sorry, I’m early,” he babbled. “The fourth graders are growing crystals this week and I need a book example of the project. I know it off the top of my head, but it’s a policy thing. I can’t find anything at my apartment right now…”

Darcy unlocked the door and ducked inside, Bruce right behind her. She flipped on the lights but Bruce was already up the stairs and walking toward the back of the shelves for the non-fiction section and Darcy called out:

“ _Growing_ crystals? You sound like Walter White!”

She heard him call back:

“It’s borax and coloring, not crystal meth.”

“Damn. Sounded lucrative to me,” she said.

Bruce reappeared at the circulation desk, out of breath, and she waved it off.

“It’s fine. Just bring it back after. No-one’s gonna miss that one,” she murmured, giving the box he chose a quick glance. Its spine was cracked and it had been repaired already with tape.

That was about as exciting as her morning got. She went to the staff meeting a little after eight-thirty, sitting beside Wanda and Steve, grinning at them both when she approached the empty chair between them that Wanda was patting.

Darcy felt the air change as Annabeth walked in, her boots stomping as she sat on the opposite end of the room. She felt a little regret over their little spat last week. Compared to the rest of her life, this school stuff was stupid to be getting upset over. She was certain if she gave her a chance, Annabeth would probably have something in common with her. Darcy sensed her eyes on her a couple times when Maria addressed her during the meeting.

Darcy didn’t have any concerns to report. She’d ask Maria about anything in private, anyway. She didn’t believe there was a lot to go wrong in her little corner of the school. As the meeting wrapped up, the first bell for the school day went.

“Hi,” she said to a passing child she recognized, since they waved at her.

She saw Steve coming up behind her and turned herself fully, grinning up at him as they walked down their corridor to his classroom.

“Buck’s finished the shelves.”

“Already?” Darcy said, except if she thought about it, it made sense. He’d been fast at making her desk, too. “Wow.”

“He would not stop talking about it,” he murmured, leaning in conspiratorially.

“I have a hard time imagining him talking that much,” she replied, and they stopped at his classroom, lingering in the doorway.

“Stay here,” Steve said, and Darcy made a face.

“Why, you got pots that need glazing?”

“I _do_ , actually. But the kids do that themselves,” he replied. He leaned against his doorframe in classic Steve style, and Darcy bit her lip for a fraction of a second, admiring the way is forearms looked with his sleeves pushed up to his elbows.

“I’ve got a job to do,” she said eventually, glancing down the hallway, seeing other children rushing around, some alone and some with parents. “Oh, shoot.”

Steve’s face fell. “What?”

He craned his head and saw who Darcy spotted coming toward them. It was Tommy Rumlow and his father. Brock Rumlow looked relaxed compared to the mothers flocking, racing after their kids with their bags. It was if he was wanting everyone to know it wasn’t a big deal, taking your kid into school. Maybe Darcy was projecting, but whenever she saw dads at the school, there was an air of confidence that came with simply being male, and not because it was earned through learning the routines of the morning school rush.

Darcy remained still as the Rumlows walked past.

“Hello, Miss Lewis,” Tommy called, like a taunt, and she kept her face neutral.

“Hello.”

They kept walking and they didn’t speak until they’d left the corridor, and Darcy glanced up at Steve, whose jaw had tensed, his blue eyes narrowing.

“I don’t even see him most of the time,” Darcy said, attempting to assure him. “That’s the first thing he’s said to me since the time Bucky stepped in.”

“I don’t trust that kid,” he retorted. “And you shouldn’t either.”

‘Trust’ seemed like a strong word. Darcy simply wasn’t overly concerned. She made a face, putting her hands on her hips.

“Hey, he’s thirteen. I’m twenty-seven.”

“Don’t mean much,” Steve muttered. “You’re tiny.”

“Hey!” she said, and he smirked at her, finally relaxing a little.

He moved into his classroom and she followed him, doing her best impression of someone annoyed when really all she wanted was an excuse to stay. It was getting a little ridiculous, how little she wanted to be by herself in the library that morning, especially after the Saturday she had with Steve and Bucky.

“I need to put some shit in the kiln,” he said over his shoulder, and Darcy huffed.

“I’ll put you in the kiln,” she muttered, just loud enough for him to hear.

She walked back out, hearing him chuckle as she left, and she smiled to herself, slipping back into the library.

-

She didn’t think much of the announcement over the PA system at the end of the day since a lot happened around the school that had nothing to do with her. She was busy with moving around a new display she decided to put together to gear up for Halloween. She was cutting out another Jack-o’-lantern as Lois front spoke over the PA.

“Could Miss Hill please come to the teachers’ parking lot? Immediately –”

It sounded urgent and Darcy put down her scissors, listening out for any crying or screaming. She walked over to the front door and stepped out, seeing no signs of students. The bell had rung a few minutes ago and all the children had probably ran out, their papers flying everywhere. She pictured kids’ hats swivelling in mid-air like in cartoons.

She went all the way to the front door and saw there were people milling around, a crowd forming around the side of the building toward the teachers’ parking lot. She looked around, trying to find Wanda or someone else. Sam was there, his eyes meeting Darcy’s.

“What’s up?” she asked, and he shrugged.

“I came out to see if it was a fight –”

He was walking toward the crowd of students and parents and Darcy followed him, and she saw several people turn and stare at her and then run the other way. She looked up at Sam but he wasn’t paying attention – he was looking over the heads of several older students.

“Anyone standing in the staff parking lot need to get out, alright? This is a staff-only area –”

They were near Darcy’s car. She hoped it wasn’t a dead wildlife. That was always hard to forget. She could remember avoiding certain pathways home after school as a kid because of finding one dead rat, its belly swollen with maggots. She shuddered now just thinking about it.

“Get outta here, school is over!” Sam yelled, and Darcy spotted a familiar face in the crowd.

Tommy Rumlow, and he was staring right at her. Her stomach lurched as she finally saw what had been done to her car. Its entire right side was covered in a single, red spray-painted word:

**_WHORE_ **

She stared at it, feeling herself go into shock as Sam yelled for the students to move along. She looked over at the school building and saw Bucky had come out as well, and he was standing only a few feet away from her. He took one look at her car and then spun around, advancing on Rumlow.

Darcy felt her heart in her throat and she took off, stepping in front of Bucky to block his path.

“Don’t,” she said, and he glanced at her, his eyes blazing. “Whatever you’re thinking, Bucky, don’t do it.”

“I dare you!” Tommy sneered, and Darcy turned her head to stare at him. “I fucking double-dog dare you, Barnes! See what happens.”

“You fucking idiot,” Darcy snapped, unable to stop herself.

“What did you say to me, bitch?”

“Hey – _hey!_ ” Bucky yelled, and Darcy jumped at the sound. “You don’t talk to her like that. You don’t talk to any lady like that.”

“Barnes!” came a yell, and they all looked toward the source.

Maria was marching over, students dispersing like cockroaches on a kitchen floor that was suddenly flooded with light. Darcy went rigid, her stomach twisting, her face burning with shame. She watched as Maria took in the car, then the three of them standing close together.

She looked at Tommy. “What is this?”

“Don’t look at me, I didn’t do it!” he yelled.

Darcy knew then that he’d have his father’s voice when he was older. It just needed to become rougher with age, but the beginnings of it were already there. He sounded outraged.

“Why were you hanging around it?” Maria asked, her tone even, but her eyes flashing.

“Everyone else was looking! This is prejudice!”

“Hey, hey, hey – what’s – what’s going on?”

A blonde woman with the large sunglasses that Darcy recognized as Mrs Rumlow was coming over, already holding her other child’s little hand. The youngest Rumlow was Eden from Natasha’s class. Darcy was having trouble looking anyone in the eye, especially Eden who was trying to look at her car.

“Mrs Rumlow, there’s been an incident –” Maria began, and Mrs Rumlow’s hand shot down to shield her daughter’s eyes, her own bulging at the red spray paint.

“They’re saying I did it!” Tommy cut in.

“Did you?” his mother asked, and he looked hurt.

“No!”

“Miss Hill, if you don’t have any proof –”

“I… I will need to ask around and check out security tapes –”

“This is _unbelievable_ ,” Mrs Rumlow snapped, her cheeks going pink. “This school has turned into a joke. I’ll be reporting all of you to CENY.”

She took hold of Tommy’s arm and stalked off. Darcy stared at the ground.

“Bucky, my office,” Maria said, her voice like ice. “Now.”

He stalked off. Darcy looked at her car, feeling her eyes sting. Maria still hung around, telling people to leave. Darcy thought about trying to cover the car somehow, but the damage was done. Everyone would know soon what had happened. She had some idea what the CENY was – Catholic Education New York, which meant everyone’s jobs were on the line.

“Darcy, you, too,” Maria said eventually, and she nodded.

She kept her head down as she ran back up the steps to the school building, walking inside as Maria was approached by another teacher who was watching. Darcy couldn’t even stand to look at Sam on her way in. She felt sick with it, the dread and the shock.

She didn’t see Bucky lurking around. She walked down the corridors, feeling herself begin to shake. She glanced up at the familiar sight of Steve, who was running toward her.

“What the fuck? Is it true?” he whispered, and she nodded, clearing her throat. He took her by the shoulders. “Where’re your keys?”

“What?” she asked, a little confused.

“Your car keys. I’ll move your car. Bucky has acetone in his shed…”

She nodded. “Yeah, they’re under my desk. Library’s still open.”

Now that she was looking at him properly, she could see Steve was furious. She was glad only Bucky had been there. She wasn’t sure if she could stop both of them from confronting Tommy Rumlow.

“You okay?” he asked, and he was scanning her, his hands squeezing her shoulders. He leaned down to say this, his brows furrowed. “Talk to me.”

“What am I even supposed to say, Steve?” she said, and he closed his eyes for a second.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry,” he murmured.

He let go of her, stepping back, glancing down the corridor.

“Steve…”

His eyes snapped to hers.

“What if… what if this gets Bucky fired?” Darcy mumbled, and he frowned.

“What did he do? Wanda came running into the staff room, I didn’t see him –”

“He looked like he wanted to hurt Tommy Rumlow,” Darcy whispered, and she felt tears quickly form and blur her vision. “He thinks he did it. His mom showed up, too. They’re witnesses…”

“Bucky’s not gonna get fired over –”

“I… I don’t know,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I have to go, Maria wanted to see me…”

She began to walk off. She felt Steve grab her hand and she looked down at it, blinking. She looked up at him, feeling something tug on her heart, and she looked away, feeling her cheeks redden more.

“I have to go,” she said again.

He let her go and she turned away, hunching over as she stalked down the hallway. She rounded the corner, stepping through to the front office. No-one seemed to be around. Maria’s office door stood ajar and she stepped inside, seeing Bucky leaning against the back wall, staring out the window.

He looked at her and his arms dropped to his sides, his face slackening.

“What happens now?” she murmured, and he shook his head.

“I dunno.”

“What was that?” she said, and his jaw worked, his gaze averting.

“I…”

“Do you always act like that?” she asked, and she hated the way she framed it, because it wasn’t even a real question. They both knew for a fact that he didn’t always act like that, all domineering and terrifying.

Only a few days ago he’d been at the bar and then on Saturday he’d helped her with a shy smile on his face.

“You were bound to see it, sooner or later,” he muttered. He sounded tired.

“What do you mean?” she asked, though she had some idea.

“Me actin’ like that,” he said. “Like an asshole.”

“Why did you?” she asked, and he blinked at her, frowning.

“That little shit –”

“That’s not a good enough reason for me,” she said, and his hands balled into fists. “Do you usually fight your way out of things?”

He took a step back from the window, looking wretched, and Darcy swiped at her tears. He drew in a breath, his voice changing to something lifeless.

“Yeah.”

“So if you get fired, that’s no big deal?” she snapped.

“I didn’t say that,” he retorted.

Before Darcy could get any more out, Maria walked in, and she dropped into the chair opposite the desk while Bucky remained against the wall, staring at the carpet, his arms back to being crossed.

“From what I have learned, there are no witnesses to the vandalism,” Maria said, glancing at Darcy and then Bucky. “But there are plenty of people who saw you accuse Tommy Rumlow of doing it without any proof.”

“Fuck,” Darcy heard Bucky whisper. It summed everything up so perfectly.

“What about the security footage?” Darcy asked, desperate to remain optimistic, but she could sense by the look on Maria’s face that it wasn’t likely to help.

“Lois said that the cameras have been acting up for a while –”

Bucky let out a harsh little chuckle that made Darcy feel a little sick.

“- and this school’s IT team is still stretched really thin,” Maria said, and Darcy nodded.

She looked at Bucky then. “You can’t act like that during school hours, Buck. No matter how bad your personal relationship is with a child.”

Darcy didn’t have to turn to see just how pissed off Bucky was. She heard it in the clipped way he spoke.

“That it?”

Maria nodded. “Yes –”

He walked out, slamming the door after him, and they sat in stunned silence. Darcy finally took a breath, cracking a knuckle.

“Do you need time?” Maria asked, and Darcy glanced at her, frowning.

“Time away? No. I just got here,” she said, shaking her head. “I just… God, why didn’t they just do a giant ‘A’, at least then the literary reference may be appreciated.”

“I’m so sorry,” Maria said, not appreciating the joke Darcy tried to make. “I’ll find out what happened, and then we’ll go from there.”

Darcy nodded. She was feeling too much. She got up from her seat without another word and walked out slowly. She got all the way to the library before she began to cry, and she covered her mouth to smother the sound, her chest aching.

She kept checking her phone, waiting for the helplessness to subside, but it was taking too long. She thought of Bucky being thrown out, and Maria losing her job as well. Someone higher up might investigate and find Darcy at fault somehow.

There was a knock and Darcy glanced over to the door, seeing Wanda outside. She nodded and Wanda ducked inside.

“Honey…”

Darcy began to cry again and Wanda came over to her, wrapping her arms around her. She stroked her hair, and they sat on the floor together with their hands joined as Darcy told her everything, including the weekend she had with Steve and Bucky.

“I’ve ruined it all now,” she mumbled, her voice thick with tears. “I talked to him like he was an idiot, again, because I can’t help myself.”

“He’ll be okay,” Wanda said. “He’s been through far worse. And he really cares about you.”

“I don’t… I don’t want him to,” Darcy whispered.

Wanda frowned, squeezing her hand. “You don’t deserve this, Darcy. No-one would ever deserve that happening to them.”

Darcy didn’t want to argue, and yet she couldn’t agree with Wanda entirely, either. Her self-worth had been at an all-time low, and the word on her car didn’t help much.

“I cried when he broke my guitar,” she said. “Big, snotty bubbles in the staff room. I am an ugly crier. And then Steve bought me new strings and I got over it. But I needed someone to tell me they cared.”

Wanda looked away, swallowing.

“Do you know… I had a twin?”

Darcy shook her head. Wanda hadn’t told her anything about her family.

Wanda pulled in a breath. “He died on New Year’s Eve when we were twenty-one.”

“I’m so sorry,” Darcy said. She couldn’t imagine what that felt like.

“It’s funny, because… because, I was in an accident the same night. I was on a bus and I fell over with all the other passengers. This old lady broke her hip. It was on the news,” she said. “And um, my brother got hit by a drunk driver. He had a motor cycle.”

She swallowed again.

“He died and I… I didn’t die,” she said.

Darcy squeezed her hand and Wanda gave a little smile.

“So I need it, to hear someone tell me they care. You lost your grandma, right?”

Darcy stared at her. She thought Wanda would be too drunk to remember that, but she had told her about her grandmother who’d died several years ago. She wore her Star of David under her shirt.

Wanda seemed to understand that about Darcy, that she needed people to tell her she mattered every so often, because the grief she still carried with her made her regret surviving.

She nodded, taking out the pendant from under her shirt, showing it to Wanda.

“She gave me this. It’s her father’s. Was,” she said. “He was in Auschwitz.”

“Oh, my God,” Wanda breathed.

“She told me it was too heavy for her now,” Darcy said. “And then she died.”

Cancer took her grandma. Darcy hated hospitals to begin with, but after she lost the person who knew her best, she really couldn’t stand them. She remembered how life seemed to leave her grandmother slowly over months and yet she still wasn’t prepared for the end. None of Darcy’s family were.

“I can’t go to Temple,” she muttered. “I can’t do…. the whole God thing, Jesus or otherwise.”

“I don’t go to Temple, either,” Wanda murmured. Darcy didn’t realize she was Jewish. “And I keep blowing off my folks. They want me to come back for Rosh Hashanah.”

That was coming up on Friday. Darcy nodded, knowing the feeling. Wanda settled in beside her, resting her head against Darcy’s shoulder.

“What was her name?”

“Magda,” Darcy whispered. “Your brother?”

“Pietro,” Wanda murmured, a hint of a smile in her voice. “He was twelve minutes older than me and never let me forget it.”

Darcy snorted. “Magda liked to use a switch.”

They both giggled, and Darcy sniffed, wiping her face with a hand. In the silence that followed, Wanda sat up again, looking at Darcy’s pendant, picking up to feel the worn edges.

“Do you want to do Rosh Hashanah at my place?” Darcy asked, the words tumbling out.

Wanda lit up. “Yeah!”

-

They walked out of the library a few minutes later, Wanda hugging her goodbye as Steve came around the corner. The women separated as Steve joined them.

“I think I got it off.”

“You fixed it?” Darcy said, and he nodded.

She surged toward him, hugging him hard, and Wanda said goodbye again to them both, taking off down the corridor as Darcy clung to him, feeling fresh tears form.

He relaxed, his arms wrapping around her middle as Darcy kept her head buried in his shirt, standing on tip-toe.

“Okay?” he murmured, and Darcy nodded, breathing in his scent.

She stayed there until she had to let go, though she knew she didn’t want to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is Rosh Hashanah! Thank you for reading! Your comments really helped me get through the past week. ❤
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	13. Part Thirteen: Ricky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a terrible week so I haven't updated as frequently. This is not the Rosh Hashanah chapter as promised, but I wanted to put something up instead of making it one long-ass chapter that I fretted over.

_Man, I wish I had a rocket, wish I ain't feel microscopic_  
_Wish my thoughts was telepathic but instead I'm always babbling_  
**\- "HOTTIE" by BROCKHAMPTON**

**Part Thirteen: Ricky**

**FALL SEMESTER**

For an incident that only spanned a few minutes, the aftermath seemed to extend it on and on, in all its awful analysis. It took no time at all for the story to circulate. Darcy knew by the looks on everyone’s faces when she walked into school on Tuesday that it was already decided by the jury of the school, the staff, and virtually everyone else who wasn’t involved in the incident at all.

She managed to drag herself out of bed despite the dread that had settled into her stomach yesterday. She hadn’t seen Bucky again since he walked out of Maria’s office. She talked to Jane at length about it all, and none of it felt okay. She couldn’t will herself to be calm. She felt as though everything had suddenly turned sideways.

She arrived early like every other day, slipping into the library instead of seeking Steve out. As supportive as he’d been yesterday, she felt embarrassed by everything. If his friend lost his job, it would be because of her. If _Maria_ lost her job, it would be because of her. She logged onto the library management system and began returning books after it loaded, stacking things away.

Darcy couldn’t get the way Bucky looked at her out of her mind. He was so hurt, when she told him how his almost violent reaction wasn’t good enough. She wasn’t sure if he’d actually hit Tommy given the chance. She was sure he wasn’t that big of an idiot, but he was so angry yesterday, and maybe her memory had distorted it.

She knew she needed to mentally prepare herself for the literacy lesson she had that morning with Steve. She wasn’t about to fuck this up any more than she already had. She went to the copy room, relieved no-one was inside using the machine as she printed out work sheets. There was a comfort in the rhythm of the machine, its precise movements as the world outside the room went on and on. She could imagine herself hiding in some dank archive, making copies, labelling things and never coming out like it was a cave and she was some type of rare creature that could see in the dark…

She snapped out of her reverie as someone walked in, another teacher she vaguely knew was friends with Annabeth.

Was it Maryanne? She met her eye and looked away.

“Hi,” she murmured.

“Hello,” the woman replied. She smelt of hairspray and something else. Darcy was probably hearing what she wanted to hear, but Maryanne sounded different. It wasn’t a normal ‘hello’, it felt pointed.

She only half-heartedly checked everything was in the stack she needed before departing without another word and she kept her head bent as she walked back to the library as fast as possible without actually running or jogging. She almost walked into Steve, who was coming out of the room, his eyebrows raised.

“Hey,” he said.

She thought about their hug yesterday, that it was more him holding her than her saying thank you. It took so much energy out of her, remembering how it felt to be held that way.

“Hi,” she said, opening the door wider to move past him and step back inside. She held up the papers as she moved back to the circulation desk. “I made copies of the worksheet, just something to do.”

“Thanks,” he murmured. There was clearly more on his mind then their lesson. “How are you?”

Was it worth hiding how she felt, when it was so obvious that she was just as hurt and confused as she was yesterday? She thought about honesty and how she wanted to know him, she wanted to be Steve’s friend.

“I’m trying not to think about it,” she muttered, throwing the papers down. “So naturally, I can’t stop thinking about it, and I keep replaying everything constantly. And I’m worried sick about Bucky.”

“He’s okay,” Steve said immediately, and she looked at him, narrowing her eyes. He doubled down. “I promise, he’s okay. He feels like a jerk.”

“He scared me,” she admitted. It was the first time she said that aloud. She hadn’t even said it to Jane.

Steve’s lips parted at her words and he nodded, glancing away. She felt worse.

“Look, I don’t –” she began, but cut herself off abruptly, unsure of what to say. “I know I can’t understand what he’s been through, whatever happened when he was in the army, or what happened to his arm, but I want him to know that I’m not… _judging_ him. I’m not used to people acting that way, I guess.”

It was usually her that acted that angry. She wasn’t on the receiving end of it. She was the little firecracker all her life. She wasn’t used to a grown man acting that way. Or two of them.

“Both of you,” she said, and Steve’s face changed again. “With how we went together to see Ian. I felt… protected.”

She was dangerously close to disclosing too much, so she began to back away again, her eyes swinging to the computer to click on a random part of the screen, to distract herself. She swallowed a couple times to regain control.

“I, uh, asked Wanda if she wants to come over this weekend,” she murmured. She double-clicked randomly. “For Rosh Hashanah.”

“Okay,” Steve said.

“You… wanna come, too?” she asked.

His brows lifted again and he finally smiled. Darcy ducked her head, feeling herself smile in return.

“You know what that is, right?” she asked, and he smiled wider, tilting his head.

“Yeah, I do,” he murmured. “I’d love to.”

She glanced at the door, his eyes following hers.

“I’ll ask Bucky, too.”

He nodded. She opened her emails and deleted some as Steve slowly moved back to the door, his eyes traveling around.

“I’ll be back with the fourth graders soon,” he called.

She stared at the back of his head, feeling her stomach flip.

Was it crazy to think there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her?

“Ten sharp,” she called. “Don’t be late.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, and then he was gone.

Their lesson was fine, she kept herself focused on Steve throughout the lesson he spent in the library. As far as she could tell, the kids didn’t seem to care about what happened yesterday. Steve was pretty captivating, though…

“Miss Lewis.”

It was Ricky Wayne. She hadn’t been spoken to him before, but he was standing at the circulation desk now, a toy car in one hand. She was certain Steve allowed him to play with it during class, unlike other teachers she heard speak about him in the staff room. That car seemed to be the bane of their existence. He was driving it across her desk, over and over.

“Hi, Ricky,” she murmured, watching him.

He was staring at the car moving back and forth, not looking at her when he spoke.

“The Knicks are playing the Bulls tomorrow,” he said, and she nodded.

She didn’t know a lot about basketball. “Uh, yeah. Are you going to watch? Do you have any books to return today?”

Ricky had been absent the day she was supposed to meet him last week.

“Mr Rogers won’t let me go out to my bag.”

Darcy glanced upstairs and saw Steve looking at her already, and she made a face at him. She then realized that he’d sent Ricky down there by the way he gestured, mouthing:

_Go with him._

“I’ll go with you,” she blurted, and Ricky looked at her for a fraction of a second before glancing away, but never gave her eye contact.

She moved out from behind the desk and he skipped ahead to the door, opening it and walking outside to the line of bags that sat in the lockers. Ricky crouched and unzipped his bag, taking out several books.

Darcy froze when she saw Annabeth walking down the hall, her arms full with folders. Her eyebrows rose at Darcy as she walked, before her eyes dropped to Ricky on the floor.

“Ricky Wayne, are you supposed to be out here?”

“It’s fine,” Darcy said, trying to keep her voice neutral. She probably sounded bitchy to Annabeth anyway. “We’re getting his books.”

“How are you, Ricky?” Annabeth pressed.

“Very good, thank you,” his voice flat, rehearsed. He looked up at Darcy then and handed her his car. “Hold this, please.”

His hands were full with his books as he got up again and dashed toward the library door once more. Darcy was left alone with Annabeth for half a second, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks.

“I heard about what happened yesterday,” she said, and Darcy felt her stomach drop. “Do you think Tommy Rumlow had something to do with it?”

“I… I don’t know,” Darcy said. “Excuse me.”

She bailed, feeling like a child, stepping back inside the library. She saw Ricky waiting for her at the desk and she walked back toward him, picking up the scanner as she handed him his car.

“You wanna help me?” she asked, and he lit up at her suggestion.

She moved aside so he could stand beside her, and then they scanned each book together. He kept wanting to do more, so he helped her scan more books that other kids in his class were borrowing.

“You can come back at lunch and do some more,” Darcy said, and he nodded.

“We’ve gotta get going, though, bud,” Steve said, coming down the stairs. “You’ve got math back in the classroom.”

“No,” Ricky groaned.

“Come on, you know we have to go,” Steve said, gentle but firm. “Come on.”

Ricky refused to give up the scanner.

“Alright,” Steve said, drawing in a breath. “I’ll call Miss Hill in here. Hey, Ricky. You promised you’d leave with everyone else.”

“No,” Ricky said, and he kicked the desk, making Darcy jumped. “No! No! NO!”

Some of his classmates began to laugh and Steve shushed them with a finger to his lips, shaking his head. They began to file out and Steve lingered in the doorway.

“Ricky, that’s disrespectful to Miss Lewis –”

“I’ll take him,” Darcy cut in. “We’ll cool down and come back.”

She gestured to Steve now like he did to her earlier. She tried to assure him with a few shrugs and he shook his head, mouthing:

_Thank you._

She bit her lip, considering what to do next. He kicked her desk again but she was better prepared for it.

“Hey, why don’t we go see Miss Romanoff?”

Another kick, and she felt the urge to snatch his toy car away, but she’d heard about what happened when it was confiscated. She knew he couldn’t be punished into complying.

“Hey, hey – what about Mr Barnes? We’ll go outside and find him and get a drink of water maybe?”

Ricky stopped, looking at Darcy’s hand that was gripping her desk so tight that her knuckles were white.

He walked off and she followed after him, stepping out into the corridor. She took a deep breath, starting a commentary.

“Okay, we’ll go this way, and take the back door…”

She wandered beside him, pushing the back door open, the fresh air hitting her in the face as they walked out in the morning sun. She glanced around, seeing no sign of Bucky. She couldn’t hear him working anywhere, either.

“Do you wanna…?”

She offered her hand and he took it. She didn’t want to grab him without asking, and they walked together, his eyes on the ground.

“Mr Barnes, where oh where could he be?” she whispered.

They walked up to his shed and she knocked.

“Bucky?” she called, wincing a little when she realized she wasn’t supposed to address him by his first name in front of a child.

She hoped no teacher had heard her do that, since after the red spray paint yesterday she was probably on the thinnest of ice.

The shed door opened and Bucky stood there, pulling on a shirt. Darcy caught a quick glimpse of his scar tissue that stood pearly in the sunlight.

“Hey, buddy,” he said to Ricky. “What’s up?”

“Not happy,” Darcy said.

Bucky’s eyes lingered on her hand clutching Ricky’s as he stooped.

“So you came to bother me at work,” he said to Ricky, who was instead staring at a hedge trimmer that rested against the wall. “Both of ya.”

“Yeah,” Darcy replied.

They stayed for a few minutes while Ricky looked around the shed. The silence seemed calming to him, and Darcy was relieved. She gently reminded Ricky that he had math to get to.

“What’s your favourite number, buddy?” Bucky asked.

“22.”

“So that hasn’t changed,” he replied. He crossed his arms, drawing in a deep breath. “You ready to go back?”

Ricky nodded silently, and he tugged Darcy out, making her nearly stumble. Bucky trailed after them as Ricky walked Darcy to the water fountain. He let go off her to drink from it for a solid couple of minutes, and Darcy watched him with fascination.

“He’s fine,” Bucky said, and Darcy looked at him, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand.

She was yanked along again, and Bucky chuckled as Darcy was dragged back toward the school building. She was led back into the classroom and Ricky raced to his desk, sitting down without another word. She saw no sign of Steve nearby, so clearly she’d been with Ricky a while.

She walked back outside, catching Bucky with his back to her.

“Hey!”

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” he said, turning back around.

She walked over, watching him pull on some gloves and rake the hair out of his face.

“Listen, I’m sorry about yesterday,” she said, and he straightened up as she hunched over a little, self-conscious.

“Whatever, I was a dick,” he said, shrugging.

She wasn’t going to let him rebuff her apology.

“Hey,” she said, a little louder, and he stared at her. She rose a finger. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

She said it like a threat.

“Do you want to come to my house for Rosh Hashanah this weekend?”

There was a tense silence between them.

“I wanna be… friends,” Darcy said, finding her attempt to converse lame at best. She winced. “We’re going to be friends.”

She did a finger gun and he turned away again, unaffected.

“You do not want to be friends with me,” he muttered.

She moved up behind him, following him as he walked around the corner of the building with a pair of pruners. He knelt beside a rose bush and began to cut away while Darcy stood over him, her hands on her hips.

“What even is that supposed to mean?” she squawked. She lowered her voice, putting on a grumpy, male tone. “ _I’m Bucky_ , _I’m a lonely loner_ –”

“What was that?” Bucky said, looking up at her, and Darcy stopped abruptly.

She could swear there was a hint of mirth in his stare, like he was trying hard not to find whatever stupid thing she was doing funny.

She adopted the threatening point again for good measure.

“You’re coming to dinner. Saturday. Bring fruit.”

“What?”

“You’re coming!” she snapped. She glanced around though there was no-one to hear them. “Alright?”

He stared at her for a few seconds, shaking his head.

“Alright.”

She turned away, feeling her face burn, but she smiled a little to herself. It felt like a victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, all kids with ASD are different. This is ONE example of my personal experiences with a student.
> 
>   
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	14. Part Fourteen: Shanah Tovah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is longer but I don't think I'll get any complaints. Enjoy this flurry of feels. FUCK. ❤

_How can you say your life is empty_  
_So late in the day_  
- **"Paint the Silence" by South**

**Part Fourteen:**

**Shanah Tovah**

**FALL SEMESTER**

“When will I balance out?” Darcy mumbled, her hands covering her face.

She was sitting opposite Steve at his desk in the art room, midway through their planning session for the next week. He’d managed to get some release for that afternoon. It was Friday, and the week had dragged on and on. Darcy woke again with an ache as deep as her bones that morning.

“What?” Steve asked, and there was a hint of irony to his tone. “Didn’t you know this is how it always is?”

“I mean, I had _some_ idea,” she said, widening her eyes purposefully, to somehow rouse herself, but it wasn’t working. “That teachers are underpaid and run ragged –”

“But you didn’t really have any idea?” Steve finished and she nodded.

“Dude, what the fuck,” she murmured, more of a statement than question. “How – how the fuck does anyone cope?”

He glanced away, brows lifting. He picked up his pen again and fiddled with it before dating a new page.

“Every vacation I always spend the first two days sleeping.”

“Seriously?” Darcy said, and he nodded, his own eyes widening a little for emphasis.

“Saturdays are slow, too,” he went on. “Even though every Sunday night I tell myself I’ll use the next weekend right –”

“What does _that_ mean?” Darcy attempted to cut in.

“I’m just too fuckin’ tired,” he muttered. He rubbed his eyes. “We’re almost done.”

He went back to work wordlessly, making a face at a sentence he’d written earlier. Darcy watched him until he glanced up, the closest thing to self-conscious she’d ever seen him.

“What.”

“Are you going to be alive for dinner tomorrow?” she asked, and he frowned for a second, before he seemed to remember the invitation she’d extended to him on Tuesday.

She hadn’t mentioned it since, and she knew it was because she felt as if she’d jinx it. She’d done the same with Bucky, only waved or said ‘hello’ to him in passing. She was glad that Wanda at least was helping her, talking about it openly in the corridor outside the library one lunch period.

Sitting with Steve now, she felt nervous.

“I’ll try,” he replied finally, smirking. “You got coffee at your house, or do you just live at Starbucks?”

It was a dig at her caffeine habit, and how she never seemed to be without coffee in one form or another. Since the cool turn of the weather, she stopped ordering Frappuccinos and swapped them for differently warm brews from home. She saved more money that way, even if she was now spending it on fancy syrups.

“Rude,” she muttered, narrowing her eyes, but he still smirked at her.

There was a beat and he sighed, putting his pen down.

“You gonna get your shelves from Buck anytime soon?”

Darcy blinked at him. She wasn’t expecting that. She’d tried to not think about Bucky’s gift to her. She knew that was partly why she wanted to have him over for dinner. That, and him getting into that situation in the parking lot with her. It was part gratitude and part apology, and she could no longer divorce the two, her complicated feelings making the impending Saturday swirl with nervous anticipation.

“He’s waitin’,” he added, and Darcy looked away.

“Why, I thought he didn’t want to be friends,” she muttered. She sounded petty.

“He said that?” Steve said, and she nodded, glancing back at him.

He seemed pissed off, and she didn’t have to wonder why that bothered her. Either Steve or Bucky getting annoyed on her behalf never seemed to end too well.

After a long silence and Steve let out a knowing kind of tut, he finally picked up his pen again, looking at his page.

“Maybe ask him why,” he said, and he looked up.

He was challenging her, pushing her. She felt like this was a test.

“I can’t ask you,” she murmured, and he nodded, both of them understanding.

Bucky’s trauma, no matter how brief or extensive it may be, was not Steve’s to share. His bruises were not his to prod or examine with Darcy to witness. She already knew both men were intensely private, and yet she hadn’t asked.

She didn’t want to be rejected, and reminding herself of that gave the fear more power. She wanted to be closer to them both. She’d meant that about being friends with Bucky. It hurt that he made it sound like she’d be better off with him, like he knew the situation before it had even happened.

“He knows he can’t predict the future, right?” Darcy added, after a beat.

Steve’s lips parted and she knew then that he hadn’t expected her reaction. Perhaps he’d underestimated her, and then something passed over his face, like he’d realized how truly wrong his assumption was. He swallowed.

“Yeah. Yeah, try to tell him that,” he said.

He sounded like he’d been there, done that, but he wasn’t dismissive of her. He was encouraging her, like he was trying to push her closer to Bucky.

She thought about that morning on the first day of school when she’d seen them together, laughing and panting, how it was so intimate she felt betrayed by her own obliviousness.

“Okay,” she murmured. She pressed a finger to his page. “I have an idea for the second graders.”

-

She spent the rest of her Friday resting at home. She thought giving her liver a break was better than trying to repeat the hangover from last Saturday. She could picture herself cancelling the dinner out of misery and nausea otherwise. She spoke to Jane and her mother, wishing them both _Shanah Tovah_ , and was in bed by 11.

She woke the next morning wishing she’d let herself sleep in a little, but her body had now adopted the school routine and she was awake at 6.30 automatically.

She watched some YouTube videos in bed before getting up to drink coffee and clean the apartment, paying close attention to the living and kitchen area. She waited until Wanda called her and she let her up to her apartment, her friend’s arms wide.

_“Shanah Tovah!”_

_“Shanah Tovah!”_ Darcy echoed, and they hugged.

From what she could see on Wanda’s face, her assessment of Darcy’s living situation was grim, but she was inspired to help. She already brought a table cloth, candlestick holders and a tub of honey, but there was still so much more to do. For a pretty relaxed version of the holiday they’d planned, Darcy knew this was more than she’d done to celebrate in years.

She went with Wanda to the synagogue several blocks away. She heard the shofar for the first time in over a year. Wanda was friendly with everyone they came across while Darcy felt a little out of place, their arms linked, and Wanda’s touch never left her, as if she could sense Darcy’s discomfort.

They drove to buy some more supplies when Steve called Darcy and she pressed her phone to her ear while Wanda was putting apples into a bag.

“Hey, you guys ready to come and get these shelves?”

Darcy glanced at Wanda, making a face, and Wanda grinned.

“That _Steeb_?” she said, eyes twinkling. She moved closer to speak into Darcy’s phone. “ _Shanah Tovah_ , Steeben.”

“ _Shanah Tovah_ ,” Darcy heard him reply and she began to giggle. “Is that a yes?”

“Sure,” Darcy replied, turning away. “I didn’t know that was on the agenda. This is supposed to be a holiday.”

“The two Catholics will be doin’ the heavy liftin’, Darce,” he replied, and she smirked at his Brooklyn accent coming in more. “How far are you?”

She tried to remember Bucky’s address, guessing about twenty minutes.

“We have a couple more things on the list and then we’ll come over,” Darcy said.

Her stomach was fluttering with nerves when she hung up. She walked through the store with Wanda as they picked up more things.

Darcy drove, not really listening to the music that played on the radio. She tried to reply to what Wanda said, but she kept wanting to pull over, to call the whole thing off.

She didn’t know why she was like this. She’d managed to take on so much in a short amount of time recently… and then she remembered the graffiti and the way Tommy Rumlow sneered at her.

She parked the car and she and Wanda stepped out. Steve appeared with Bucky in tow, smiling at them. Wanda launched herself at Steve in a tight hug while Darcy and Bucky were looking at each other shyly, unsure.

“ _Shanah Tovah_ ,” Bucky said, his words clumsy. The effort was adorable to her.

“ _Shanah Tovah_ ,” she returned.

Wanda had moved onto to Bucky, her hug less intense. Steve pulled Darcy toward him and she felt herself finally relax, letting out a soft puff of air when she was brought into his arms, and she rose her own to wrap around his neck.

“ _Shanah Tovah_ ,” Steve murmured, and she felt herself smile, pulling back to look up at him, her stomach flipping.

“ _Shanah Tovah_. Where’re the shelves?”

They walked inside, Wanda skipping, and Darcy wondered if her predictions could be true – that Bucky was as messy at home as he was at school. She wasn’t wrong, but there was about as much personality to his place as her own. She remembered then that Steve had made a similar comment.

The shelves were taller than Darcy, painted and varnished. Her eyes widened at the sight of them, walking over to touch them and admire the craftsmanship. She glanced back at Bucky, who was looking away from her, scratching his beard.

“Thank you so much,” she breathed, and he looked at her.

It was a private moment that went virtually unnoticed by Wanda who was wandering off to use the bathroom, while Steve was lingering with his hands in his pockets, watching them.

“I told ya she’d like ‘em,” he said, and Bucky looked at him.

“Yeah?” Bucky said to her, and she nodded.

She finally touched him, tugging his sleeve at first and then moved into his space, lifting her arms to hug him. She looked at Steve as she did this, and she didn’t mind him there. It felt right, and she didn’t know what to do with that feeling, knowing she had feelings for them both so strongly, _especially_ when they were all three of them together…

She pulled back, blinking and hoping it wasn’t too obvious her eyes had misted.

“Okay, we’ll take the shelves out and stow half in my car,” she said, and the men began to move to take everything apart. She gestured. “The rest can go in -?”

“My truck,” Bucky said, and she grinned.

She drove with Wanda in her car, Steve and Bucky following them. When they reached her apartment, there was the noisy task of moving everything through the lobby and up the stairs like last weekend. Thankfully, Maureen’s office door was shut and there was no sign of life from beyond. They traipsed up the stairs in pairs, moving everything into the living room.

She watched as Bucky took out a couple pomegranates to put on her bench, catching her eye as he put the plastic bag aside.

“Fruit,” he said.

“Yeah,” she replied.

Wanda was throwing the tablecloth over the card table she’d brought that morning. Darcy wasn’t about to mention the lack of furniture. She got the feeling that Bucky would build her anything, and she’d run out of ways to repay him, and she felt like inviting him to dinner was already more than he was really comfortable with.

“I’m gonna start the couscous,” Wanda said, and Darcy nodded, distracted.

Bucky walked over to Steve and began putting the shelves back in their rightful place. Steve caught Darcy watching them, smiling at her.

“Against the wall okay?”

“Yeah,” she murmured. “I can finally _organize_.”

She liked the ritual of putting books away, of everything having a place. She began to shove a box of books from the weekend toward the shelves, opening it up. They were her favourite novels, some of them were once presents for Ian.

“You can borrow these if you want,” she said, to both of them, and Bucky came closer, peering down at the titles in her hands. She handed him _American Gods_ without prompting, and he turned it over, reading the back.

Steve took out a Donna Tartt book, assessing it. Then he lifted out Darcy’s treasured, badly beaten copy of _The Virgin Suicides_ and rose his eyebrows.

“More light reading?” he said, and they smiled at one another.

“Oh, totally,” she replied. She turned her head slightly to look at Bucky. “Did he really read _Little Women_ in two days?”

“Yeah, didn’t put it down,” Bucky grunted.

The two men looked at each other and Darcy felt startled, like she shouldn’t have mentioned it, this 800 page thing Steve ploughed through. She stepped away, looking outside. She knew the sun was supposed to set soon.

“Wanda, the candles?” she called.

She walked into the kitchen area, seeing Wanda heating the food on the stove, spinning around to dive into another bag for the thick candles they bought. They put the food aside and Darcy watched as Wanda put the two candlesticks on a little tray, securing the candles in them. Darcy got out her matches and handed them to Wanda.

There was a quiet that settled over the apartment as Wanda lit the candles, waving her hands over the flames three times. Darcy had memories of her mother doing the same, but she tended to wear a veil, but since Wanda wasn’t married and Darcy wasn’t so strict with tradition, she did it with her head uncovered.

She said three blessings fluently and again Darcy was reminded of how much of her own family she’d neglected. Her grandmother would be a little disappointed, but hopefully she wouldn’t be so much now, since Darcy’s friends were in her home celebrating a new year.

Thinking about Magda made her bite her lip and look away. Wanda took her hand a second later and squeezed it. Darcy met her eye and then looked at Steve and Bucky.

“Let’s eat.”

They sat the four of them, the table full of fruit and couscous, dip and bread, crackers and cheese. Darcy put on music, and every so often Wanda would whip out her phone and play a recording of a shofar, the first time managing to get Steve to clutch his chest, his eyes wide.

“Christ.”

“Different vibe, different time,” Darcy reminded him, and they all laughed.

Wanda managed to catch her off-guard about twenty minutes later when she was sipping her glass of wine and Darcy jumped, doing the same as Steve did, blaspheming with a hiss.

She sat between Bucky and Steve, Wanda shimmying to the music and chewing happily. She felt like saying something, lifting her glass.

“Thank you for this, guys,” she said, not necessarily liking what her mind came up with. It sounded vaguely patronizing, but she meant it. She was thankful.

They put their glasses together and Wanda got up, draining her glass.

“I’m dancing, who’s dancing with me?”

“Maybe later,” Darcy called, and Wanda didn’t seem to mind.

She moved in a circle, happily alone as Darcy looked at Steve and then Bucky.

“I’m not drunk enough yet,” Darcy added, and Wanda laughed.

“There’s not enough booze in the world,” Bucky murmured, and Darcy looked at him again, brows lifting.

“Really?”

She took a long sip of her wine and licked her lips while Bucky glanced away, a hint of a smile on his face. She made the mistake of looking at Steve then, who definitely was smirking at her, and he leaned against the table, regarding her.

“You don’t dance?” she asked him, and Steve shrugged a shoulder.

He was too pretty. They both were.

“She doesn’t know about Christmas!” Wanda said, and Steve’s eyes shifted to her, brows furrowing.

“Wait, what about Christmas?” Darcy asked, and she leaned onto the table as well, moving closer. Her eyes swung to Bucky. “What happened at Christmas?”

“Two years ago,” Wanda said, and she was dancing to Electric Light Orchestra, the song’s strings overlapping her voice. “Drunken _YMCA_.”

“Really?” Darcy said. “Is there a video of that?”

“No,” Steve said, as Wanda yelled:

“No! And I’m so pissed no-one recorded that!”

Darcy made a show of sitting back in her chair, steepling her fingers as she narrowed her eyes.

“Was this a Christmas party?”

“Yes!” Wanda yelled.

“A _work_ Christmas party?”

“Yes!” Wanda yelled again. “Tell her, Steeb!”

“I would if I could,” he grumbled. “Someone’s busy talkin’ too much...”

“He doesn’t remember it,” Bucky grunted, and Darcy’s eyes widened.

“Really?”

Bucky smirked, lifting his glass to take a drink as Steve shot him a look. He took a loud slurp and Darcy began to giggle.

“What else happened at this party you don’t remember, _Stevie_?” she said, leaning in again, grinning like a cat. “Did Bucky have to tell you what happened?”

“What would you have liked to have happened?” Steve retorted, his voice low.

He was pushing it. Either that, or Darcy was seeing what she wanted to see, Steve looking at her like he wasn’t her friend, but some kind of target.

“He didn’t make out with me,” Wanda said. “I was sad.”

“I thought you met Jarvis by then,” Steve drawled, his voice changing back. He picked up another apple dipped in honey, taking a bite.

“Yeah, well,” Wanda mumbled, rolling her eyes. “I was feeling like a ten.”

“You’re a twelve, honey,” Darcy called, and Wanda threw her a grin, tossing her hair.

“So are _you_ , honey,” she said, and Steve and Bucky began to chuckle. “We can hook up if my boyfriend dies.”

Darcy knew Wanda was joking but it was still a nice thing to hear, since she hadn’t had sex in what felt like eternity, and Wanda was gorgeous by any standard.

She got up from her chair and Steve laughed some more, and she reached Wanda to wrap her arms around her and start dancing with her. The song faded and _Monster_ by Kanye West came on and Darcy began to cheer. Her favourite part, Nicki Minaj’s verse, which was probably everyone’s favourite part, she and Wanda began to rap along to.

At one point, Wanda was so fluent and yelling that Darcy screamed encouragement. Wanda kept pointing at Steve at the table as she rapped, a mean look on her face.

“I feel targeted,” he said, but he was laughing at them both.

Darcy pointed at him, too, reciting the end of the verse with Wanda.

_Pink wig thick ass give 'em whip lash_

_I think big get cash make 'em blink fast_

_Now look at what you just saw, this is what you live for_

_Ah, I'm a motherfucking monster!_

As song began to end, Darcy was jumping up and down with Wanda like they were two rowdy kids, and they were laughing hysterically, falling onto the floor. The song faded to something far tamer and Darcy stayed on the floor, whispering to Wanda:

“You really try to make out with Steve?”

“Sorta,” she whispered back. “Not really.”

Darcy didn’t know what to make of that. Wanda could have anyone she wanted, she felt. Why hadn’t she dated Steve? Maybe she had. Maybe Jarvis happened after things didn’t work out.

“You ever do something like that at a work party?” Wanda asked, her voice a little louder.

“No drunken _YMCA_ ,” Darcy said, glancing at Steve pointedly, getting a mock-hurt look in return. Her eyes swung back to Wanda. “Last time I drank at work was with my last boss. Then I quit.”

This seemed to peak Wanda’s interest. “Hold on. Did you leave because that happened?”

Darcy glanced at her hand resting on the floor. “Maybe.”

“Elaborate,” Wanda said, and Darcy took a deep breath.

“Okay.”

She took out her phone, holding up the picture of Patrick from his LinkedIn account, his teeth perfect, his skin radiant.

“What the fuck!” Wanda yelled, her eyes bulging. “He’s so hot. What happened?”

“Tried to hook up with me in his office,” Darcy said.

She watched as Wanda dashed over to the table to show Steve and Bucky her phone. She wondered what they thought, this handsome boss of hers coming on to her like that.

“What happened?” Steve asked, and he sounded less gleeful that Wanda.

Bucky didn’t say anything at all, just looked at Darcy while she spoke to the floor.

“Day after Ian left me, I went into work and he… confessed,” she muttered. “Tried to hook up with me ‘cause he said it was, like, a sign or something…”

“He did this _after_ he found out Ian cheated?” Wanda said, her hand up. She handed Darcy her phone back.

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Whoa, _fuck_ that guy,” Wanda said. She paused, making a face. “Wait, _did_ you -?”

“No!” Darcy said, feeling her face flush. “I did not!”

“Okay, just checking,” Wanda said. “I mean, he is ridiculously good looking…”

Darcy didn’t know what else to say. She felt as if the atmosphere of the room had changed and she got up from the floor again, moving to pick up her empty plate from the table, grabbing Wanda’s that she’d left behind as well.

“I’ll help,” Steve said, and she nodded, not really caring if he did or not.

They put the dishes away and Wanda walked in at one point to hug Darcy from behind.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Darcy whispered, and she meant it, patting Wanda’s hand.

They went to sit down on the carpet and played Uno, which Bucky won three times in a row. Darcy kept glancing at him, trying to assess if her colour choices would impact them, but he didn’t give anything away, looking back at her with a blank stare.

“Goddamn it,” she muttered, throwing down a card. “Blue.”

“Uno,” he grunted, and then his next card was a draw four.

“Oh, you fucked me,” she whispered, and she kept her eyes on the cards she picked up instead of him. She tried to not think about the literal meaning behind her outburst, especially after her talking about Patrick.

Steve got up when Bucky won a fourth time, and Wanda handed him her empty glass. Bucky was laying on his side, leaning on an elbow, his hand close to Darcy’s bare foot.

“I should go,” Wanda murmured, rubbing her eyes. “I’ll get an Uber.”

She stumbled off toward the bathroom and Darcy watched Bucky, wriggling her toes for a second, a slow smile forming on his face.

Steve returned with more wine, handing Bucky another beer, filling Darcy’s glass again with another. Wanda came back and stretched.

“I should call Jarvis.”

“I’ll walk you down,” Steve said, and she nodded.

She crouched and kissed Darcy’s forehead, grabbing either side of her face as she did it. She stood back up, waving at Bucky. They watched her and Steve leave, the door shutting behind them. She could hear their echoing voices in the stairwell outside.

She looked down at Bucky again, wanting to be bad. She thought about grabbing him by the chin and turning his face up to meet hers, but that’d be a huge violation. She had some idea that physical contact was an issue with him.

That and Steve was holding her back. If she kissed Bucky, then Steve would know and she’d have to put him aside. If she didn’t kiss either of them, nothing had to change.

She was getting ahead of herself. It was probably the wine and happy spirits of the day catching up to her.

They stayed silent together, neither moving from the floor, until Steve came back, his eyes wider, shaking his head.

“I think she misses Jarvis _a lot_ ,” he said.

“What does he do?” Darcy asked, crossing her legs.

“He’s at some fancy law firm in Manhattan. I have no idea how they met,” Steve said, coming over.

He lay down on the floor on his back, putting his hands behind his head. He spoke to the ceiling before looking at Darcy again.

“He’s older. I think he met her at a good time.”

“She’s great,” Darcy said, and he nodded.

His shirt was riding up a little and Darcy saw a flash of his stomach, toned and pale, and she glanced away, taking a gulp of wine.

“Good day?” Bucky asked, which surprised her.

He hadn’t spoken in a few minutes.

“Yeah,” she said, licking her lips and putting her glass aside. “I haven’t done anything so… Jewish in so long.”

Steve smirked. “Me, neither.”

“Wanda puts me to shame,” she went on. “I didn’t even have a Bat Mitzvah. All that kind of… didn’t matter at the time.”

Before Steve or Bucky could ask, Darcy cleared her throat, adding:

“My parents divorced in middle school. I wasn’t really focused on celebrating much.”

She decided to lie down as well, listening to the music play in the background. She thought of her grandmother again, and how she’d never see her again. She could do a million things to try and feel closer to her, the same way that other people dealt with grief, like even Wanda tried to do the same today, and yet it would never be enough.

She drew in a shaky breath and she gave herself away, hating that she was so upset so suddenly. She began to cry fat tears, and heard Bucky and Steve shift up to look at her. Bucky moved closer, Steve taking her hand as he sat up to lean on his elbows, watching her.

The tears fell down and gathered on her neck, and she covered her mouth with her hand, her chest aching.

“It’s not my stupid boyfriend, it’s my grandma,” she sobbed, and Steve squeezed her hand. “I miss her so much.”

She saw them exchange a glance and Bucky settled down beside her, Steve on her other side. Their shoulders touched.

“It doesn’t go away. Like, this is my life now,” she whispered. “Why did that take me so long to figure out? That I’ve only got this smaller world from now on? Without her?”

Bucky took her hand as well and she sucked in a breath, feeling embarrassed.

“I’m sorry for… for ruining the mood.”

She began to laugh weakly, shaking her head. She sniffed.

“What time is it?”

“After ten,” Steve murmured.

She knew the candles stopped burning a while ago. She nodded, sniffling again.

“I should, uh, probably stop drinking.”

Steve chuckled softly. “But you’re cute when you’re slurrin’ your speech.”

She rolled awkwardly, sitting up on her knees, seeing them both on the floor looking up at her. Her hands were her own again and she gave them both a little smile.

“You should go.”

They all stood up and there was the awkward in-between of gathering their things, making sure they both had the books she told them to borrow. She kept looking around to see if there was anything she missed, wiping her face.

Bucky walked out first and she rose a hand to wave. She didn’t want to push for another hug, and she didn’t know if she could trust herself anyway.

But then Steve surprised her and cupped her face, kissing her cheek. She couldn’t think after that, his lips on her skin, the smell of him all around her.

She watched them leave, shutting the door behind her when she heard them leave the lobby below.

She went to the kitchen and found a little leftover piece of apple from a little plate on the floor next to their abandoned beers. It could have been from either one of their plates. She picked it up and bit into it, wondering if it tasted any different because it either was in Bucky’s or Steve’s mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I will never get over this. Thank you for asking.
> 
>   
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	15. Part Fifteen: Alpine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to anyone who may suffer from an attack of the FEELS. The cure is only MORE OF THEM. ❤

_Now it's time to free me from the chain_  
_I gotta find that peace, is it too late_  
_Or could this love protect me from the pain?_  
_I would battle for you (even if I break in two)_  
**\- "Stupid Love" by Lady GaGa**

**Part Fifteen:**

**Alpine**

**FALL SEMESTER**

After Rosh Hashanah, Darcy felt better about her place in Sacred Heart. She managed to get through the Sunday after the big dinner though she felt emotionally hungover. She got excited every time she thought of being close to Steve and Bucky again.

The next week of school was pretty ordinary by comparison. She got through it all by the routine, the steady turning of each cog. Though she never felt totally on top of things, she noticed more and more that almost everyone else did, too.

She decorated the library in fake cobwebs and orange and black construction paper with rubber spiders and a skeleton hung over the second storey window. The bunting was the most fun to hang up, which she did barefoot one afternoon with Steve watching her from the first floor.

“Need help?”

“Just about done, actually,” she called back, tapping the hammer to attach the hook. She looped the piece of string and replaced it, stepping back down the ladder, glancing at Steve who was still watching her. “Bad timing on your part.”

“The longer it takes me to get back to my desk, the longer it takes me to get back to plannin’,” he said, and she laughed. “You got any other jobs for me?”

“Nope,” Darcy replied, popping the word.

She moved the ladder back into its hiding place and picked up her shoes, putting them back on as she leaned against the railing. She leaned on one elbow, smiling down at Steve.

His hands were on his hips.

“Bucky doesn’t have any other jobs?” she said, and he made a face.

“You think I didn’t try him first?”

She snorted, pushing off to walk down the stairs and join him.

“Come on, I can help,” she said, and she gestured to the door. “What’s your learning intention or whatever?”

Steve let her intrude on his planning session, and in the end he didn’t even get it all done, they were spending too long talking about other things and sharing gummy bears from the bag Darcy got from her stash in the circulation desk.

-

The next Thursday, Darcy knew things had to be too good to be true.

She found gum in a paperback that was wedged in the stack of returns that lay on her desk, and when she scanned the ruined book Ava Hendrickson’s name popped up. Darcy drew in a breath, knowing that if it were anyone else’s child, she’d have no issue sending a note home with them, asking for them to reimburse the school for the damaged book.

Sure, it was probably an accident, but it was brand-new, and there was a list of other requests for the only copy her library had. Darcy thought about finding Ava’s class and passing her the note passively, but then she also knew Annabeth wouldn’t appreciate the apparent cowardice. She hadn’t exactly thrived whenever she saw Annabeth lately. She’d avoided her, or spent lunchtimes with Steve or Wanda, but she knew what it looked like to Annabeth and her crew.

She glanced at the clock on her computer and saw it was close to lunch anyway, so it might go under the radar if she mentioned it in passing with witnesses, so she picked up the book and walked out of the library with her head high.

She hadn’t seen any sign of Bucky that morning and she couldn’t help feeling disappointed, not that he’d gone out of his way to interact with her since he was over for dinner. She always looked for him like she did with Steve, and not knowing where he was bothered her.

She kept walking until she reached the staffroom and by that point the bell had rung and kids were pouring into the yard, and she had to dodge several dozen children on the way. She slipped into the staffroom and saw Annabeth with Flo leaning against one of the counters, obscuring the percolator.

They abruptly stopped talking and Flo rose her coffee to sip it, her eyebrows hiking as she turned her back to Darcy.

Annabeth licked her lips, assessing Darcy as she approached.

“Annabeth, I have a problem with a book Ava returned,” she said, and she held up the paperback, handing it to her.

Annabeth looked at it like she had no idea what Darcy meant, flipping the pages until she got to the ruined centre, a wad of bright pink gum squashed among the words. She narrowed her eyes, looking vaguely amused.

“I didn’t think this was a sixth grade teacher problem, more a library problem,” she said. She looked at Flo, who'd turned back around out of curiosity. “Right?”

“We send home notes, usually,” Flo added, nodding. She wasn’t smiling, instead speaking to Darcy as if she was a child. Darcy had never liked asking anyone in the front office to do anything for her, since it always made her feel about three feet tall.

“I thought it would be better if I explained instead of just asking for the money,” Darcy muttered, her voice lower than ever.

“How do you know Ava did this, anyway?” Annabeth said, handing the book back to Darcy before folding her arm, lifting her mug to sip more coffee. “It could have been the kid who had it after her.”

“She returned it this morning,” Darcy said.

“Oh, I don’t remember…” Annabeth glanced up at the ceiling as if she was trying to remember. “No, I don’t think so. Check whomever had it before her before you accuse my child of… _vandalism_.”

She was making fun of her. Either that or Darcy was just crazy. Maybe a little bit of both. It was an interesting choice of words, especially since the incident with her car. Darcy gave a little nod, and put the book on the bench near a tray of store-bought cookies. She didn’t want to seem humiliated so she moved between Annabeth and Flo to get a mug from the cupboard before pouring herself a cup of coffee.

It was at that moment that Steve walked in, paint on his hands, and Darcy wanted to hug him, to have him anchor her somehow. Annabeth instead interrupted:

“Is Bucky here today, Steve?”

Steve cleared his throat, his whole demeanor changing.

“I think he took a half-day,” he replied, and he met Darcy’s gaze, and there was something there she couldn’t ignore.

It made alarm bells go off in her head, so she barely heard Annabeth the first time she said:

“Well, why? He needs to fix the bulb in my classroom again. I think it’s the wiring.”

Steve shrugged, but Darcy could see he was irritated.

“He needed some time.”

Annabeth scoffed. “I hope he wasn’t acting inappropriately in front of students if he had to go home. We shouldn’t have a repeat of what happened last year. I’ll have to talk to Maria about it if that’s the case.”

Steve frowned and Darcy turned to her, unable to resist.

“What are you talking about?”

Annabeth frowned. “Falling down and screaming in front of the kindergarteners. Scarring them for life. We’ll get complaints.”

“Don’t worry yourself, Annabeth,” Steve said, and Darcy recognized the anger he’d shown toward Ian when he helped her move her books. “He left before it got any worse.”

“Good,” Annabeth said, her eyes a little wider. “This is a _school_. With _children_.”

Steve went to the main table, shaking his head, and Darcy stared at Annabeth until the other woman acknowledged her with a raised eyebrow.

“What is it now?”

“Ava destroyed that book she returned, and she owes the school fourteen dollars. I’m sending home a note, and if she doesn’t repay Sacred Heart, I’ll take it up with Maria,” she said.

Annabeth glared at her and Darcy grabbed the sugar bowl from beside her, scooping out a tea spoon to drop into the black coffee, stirring it before moving away toward the main table.

She placed the coffee in front of Steve, her lips close to his ear.

“Is he home?”

“Yeah,” he whispered, and he turned his head slightly to look at her.

“Okay.”

She thought about kissing him, hugging him, something – but she didn’t like the audience, and instead walked out of the staff room without looking back, her ears ringing. The idea that Bucky was judged for something he couldn’t control was unforgivable to Darcy. She was burning with anger by the time she got to the theatre, knocking on the door as she glanced around.

Wanda’s back was to her and she turned around, her smile falling when she saw the look on Darcy’s face.

“Can you cover lunch and the afternoon rush for me?” Darcy asked, and Wanda nodded.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

Bucky wasn’t okay, and she could spare the afternoon. She walked back out, vowing to somehow pay Wanda back, returning to the library to grab her bag and her keys.

She left the school, driving all the way to Bucky’s street before the reality of it hit her. She felt her stomach twist and she sat in her seat once she parked for several seconds, staring at her car keys in her hand.

She took a deep breath, stepping out and slammed her car door. She walked up to the intercom outside the front door and pressed Bucky’s number. There was no answer, but she didn’t lose hope. A woman was coming out and Darcy stepped inside before the door could close. Her footsteps echoed in the stairwell as she took two at a time, her heart racing as she ascended.

This might hurt a lot. He might cuss her out, tell her to never speak to him again. She might have to avoid him and Annabeth from then on, and she’d hate that, especially with how close she’d got to him, in their own little way.

She reached his door, lifting her fist to knock, taking another deep breath. She hoped she was loud enough, but not too sudden to frighten him.

She waited a full minute, sighing when she decided she should leave, turning away from the door to look at the stairs she’d have to traipse back down.

There was a click and her head whipped back toward the sound, and then the door was open, and Bucky stood there, staring back at her.

Several moments passed and she was speechless, blinking at him, feeling her cheeks flush. She hadn’t thought this through at all. This seemed like a violation. He’d gone home to rest, and she was there, barging into his personal space. And why? Because she had a crush?

There was movement at his bare feet and Darcy looked down to see the little white cat she’d seen on his phone, Alpine, peeking out from between his legs, rubbing and peering up at her.

Darcy knelt and Alpine went straight to her, sniffing her hand and beginning to circle and rub against her, and Darcy took hold of him, cuddling him as he purred loud and unapologetically, her eyes meeting Bucky’s.

“Steve said you took a half day. I… wanted to know if you were okay.”

Bucky was watching her with Alpine and he nodded, his face seeming to relax. He still looked a little spooked, and Darcy took her time, waiting for him to speak.

“I, uh… had a bad mornin’,” he finally rasped, and she nodded.

“Sorry to hear it,” she replied. She kissed Alpine’s head, leaving a little red mark of her lipstick that she rubbed away.

Bucky swallowed, moving back, pushing the door wider.

“Do you wanna come in?”

She nodded, moving closer, and stepped inside. She could hear his TV was playing some midday talk show rerun and she saw the blanket that rested on his couch as she walked in. She kept cuddling Alpine as she glanced around, seeing _American Gods_ sitting on the coffee table.

“I had a –” Bucky began, and she looked at him, his eyes averting her gaze. “I had a panic attack. I was in the shed, and I thought it’d be better to just leave rather than stay.”

“That sucks,” Darcy said, and he nodded, staring at Alpine instead of her face. “Had it been a while?”

He nodded. “Sometimes I go by months and I’m fine, and then…”

She wondered what triggered him. She didn’t have them, but she knew a little about them, and how they were unpredictable and isolating. She hoped he wasn’t punishing himself too much over it.

“Are you okay?” she asked, and he finally looked at her again, blinking hard once like a nervous tick.

“I dunno.”

She placed Alpine on the floor and bit her lip, glancing toward the kitchen.

“Have you eaten?”

He understood what she was asking and waved a hand, shaking his head.

“No, don’t – don’t worry about that. I’m…”

He looked away then and Darcy could see he was overwhelmed, unsure of what to do or say. She took a step away, toward the kitchen.

“I’m going to go check and see what you’ve got,” she said firmly, and he managed to nod, following her.

She walked into the kitchen and went to the fridge, opening it. There wasn’t a lot in there, except beer and some sauces. Darcy moved to the pantry and found bread, and then found the toaster. She caught Bucky’s gaze as she popped two pieces in, stepping back as they began to cook.

“What’ve you been up to?” she asked, and he gave a little shrug. “What about the book, did you start it yet?”

“My… readin’ assignment,” he muttered, and she saw him smirk a little, and it was a relief to see.

“Yeah. Is it any good?” she asked, and he nodded.

“Yeah, it’s… it’s really fuckin’ good,” he whispered, and she smiled at him then.

“I’m so glad,” she said.

The toast popped and she took out a plate and Bucky handed her a jar of peanut butter and she began to slather it on the toast, and licked her thumb when she replaced the lid, lifting the plate to hand it to Bucky.

“Life’s complicated, but reading doesn’t have to be,” she said, and she saw Bucky didn’t move from where he was standing, even when she put the dirty butter knife in the sink.

He frowned.

“I’m… hard to be around sometimes,” he said, his voice softer. “Harder than most people.”

“Because you have panic attacks?” Darcy said, and he winced. “Sorry.”

“No, you’re – you’re not _wrong_ , sweetheart,” he whispered, and the pet name made her stomach flip. “I just don’t wanna scare ya.”

“I’m surprised you’re letting me be this nice to you in the first place,” Darcy said, and he looked confused. “Usually I’m almost annoying with my helpfulness.”

“Don’t know if I’d call it annoying,” Bucky murmured.

They both smiled at each other then and Darcy pointed to his toast.

“You eat that and I’ll watch something with you, okay?”

He nodded, and they walked out together, Alpine already having stolen the blanket, curled up into a ball. Bucky sat in the middle of the couch and Darcy slipped in beside him.

“You don’t have to let me stay,” Darcy said, picking up the remote, as Bucky began to eat. “I can go whenever you want me to.”

Bucky met her gaze, chewing. He swallowed, shaking his head.

“Stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was wondering, most likely Alpine was in Bucky's bedroom sleeping while they were getting the bookshelves in the last chapter.
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	16. Part Sixteen: Chelsea Romano

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is short because I've had another hellish week and I feel like a massive disappointment. Please continue to coddle me in the comments. Thank you for sticking with this story.

_When I cut a hole into my skull_  
_Do you hate what you see?_  
_Like I do_  
\- **"Souvenir" by boygenius**

**Part Sixteen:**

**Chelsea Romano**

**FALL SEMESTER**

“So you’ve picked Bucky, then.”

Darcy made a face without something audible to accompany it as she flipped her black bean burger in the pan, Jane on the other end already occupied with her own dinner. It was Tuesday, and most likely Jane was eating ramen. Darcy cleared her throat finally, knowing her friend was probably already triumphant with her accusation.

“I mean, not really.”It was such a pathetic response. Darcy rolled her eyes. “That’s gross.”

“Have you not spent many hours at Bucky’s apartment alone?” Jane retorted, and Darcy jabbed the burger with her flipper.

“Yeah, but you make it sound like it’s a sure thing, it’s not. I barely talk to him when I’m there.”

That wasn’t entirely true. Over the last few weeks, Darcy had spent many afternoons with Bucky in his apartment, usually watching some trashy TV with Alpine either between them or on her lap. They talked about what they were watching, usually, or school. She felt as if they knew each other better but it wasn’t like she’d be able to tell anyone Bucky’s life story.

“And I actually spend more time with Steve, so –”

She didn’t know why she wanted to defend Steve, since it was just as unlikely she’d be able to choose Steve over Bucky. The entire topic, her two friends she was crushing on, was ridiculous. She knew Jane liked the drama of it, though it was so boring and non-eventful for the most part.

“Have you kissed Bucky and you’re just ashamed to tell me?”

“No!” Darcy half-yelled, horrified. “I’d tell you immediately. And I’d never be _ashamed_ of that, Jesus. It’d probably die from heat exhaustion.”

She remembered her day at work, when there was an adorable moment from Steve that she wished she hadn’t seen, because it was almost too cute to handle, and he was still out of reach of her. It was only a few hours ago, when the last bell had gone and he was going over the next morning’s lesson with her, and he turned away to leave. She’d watched his ass like always, feeling only a little wrong for doing so, when she suddenly exclaimed:

“Steve, the floor’s lava!”

He only turned his head toward her and lowered himself to the floor, face down, like he’d collapsed there from exhaustion. It made Darcy giggle and she moved toward him, playing along, nudging him with her toe. She’d taken off her shoes and wore her stockings underneath, and one of his eyes snapped open as he turned his head to look at her foot.

“Can’t move, I’m dead,” he murmured, and she nudged him again.

His hand came out to grab her ankle so suddenly he made her jump and she screamed, covering her mouth with her hand, eyes wide.

“Someone probably heard that,” Steve said, laughing with his hand still wrapped around her ankle.

He finally let her go and Darcy ducked her head outside to check if anyone was coming, but there was no sign of life in the adjacent corridor or beyond, and she turned back, hands on her hips.

“Note to self – you’re a screamer,” Steve murmured, turning to sit up before standing with a slight groan, exaggerating how tired he was.

Darcy was already blushing and his comment wasn’t helping. She let it hang there, untouched between them as he made his exit. She didn’t say another word until she spoke to Jane on the phone now.

“Fuck, what am I supposed to do?” she groaned into the phone piteously, while Jane laughed on her end. “I want them bo-oh-oth.”

“I don’t feel sorry for you.”

“You should. I am in perilous danger –”

“Of what, exactly?” Jane retorted, her voice muffled from a mouthful of noodles. “From being dicked down too much?”

“Imagine Yale alumni hearing you say that, Janey,” Darcy said, laughing in spite of her troubles. “And it is possible to get too much of that particular attention. This isn’t fucking… _Pride and Prejudice_ –”

“I wish it was,” Jane muttered. “Who’s my Bingley?”

“No cute interns hanging around you could offer some… _ahem_ , after-office activities to participate in?”

Jane snorted. “Hardly.”

As Jane went on to tell Darcy exactly how un-romantic her life was at the moment, Darcy was glad to be distracted. By the time she hung up, her burger was done and she sat down to eat, hoping to forget a little bit about Sacred Heart while she watched _Bridget Jones’ Diary_.

-

Bucky had pulled back from the after-school meet-ups, so Darcy didn’t see him at O’Sullivan’s the entire month of October. She hoped it didn’t show too much on her face when she was disappointed at his lack of appearances, though she knew every time by the look on Steve’s face that he was reading her perfectly.

She still drank and laughed with everyone else. She still got a little hungover. She still had to shove Wanda and then herself into a taxi to get home more often than not.

She felt safe enough to know that her job wasn’t in constant jeopardy. She just wasn’t sure about her friendship with Bucky.

She finally bit the bullet one afternoon he was watching Seinfeld rerun with her, Alpine sitting on her lap, her fingers scratching behind the little creature’s ears while Bucky watched them, his arms folded.

“When I come home now, he looks at me like he’s expectin’ you, not me,” he muttered, and Darcy flashed him a smile.

“Think I spend too much time here?”

“Maybe.”

She knew he was joking – he had to be, he didn’t seem that mean on purpose, ever. She felt her smile fade a little just the same, ducking her gaze to Alpine to feel a little braver to go on.

“I can go whenever, I don’t have to be here for politeness’ sake,” she said, and Bucky shifted a little, the mood of the room entirely changed.

It was the episode where Elaine hated _The English Patient_ , but Darcy didn’t find herself paying much attention, as always.

“I like you bein’ here,” he murmured. “I want you to stay. But not because you feel like you have to. I don’t want you and Steve worryin’ about me –”

“We’re always gonna worry, Buck,” she said, and he met her gaze, frowning a little. “He’s your best friend. I’m…”

“I think it’s not worth your time,” he said, and Darcy felt her heart sink, watching him harden, his eyes directed toward the TV.

There were several minutes of silence before Darcy finally chose to speak again, her stomach twisting.

“I know it’s not my business –”

His head turned toward her and she felt her face flush with nerves, her speech becoming a ramble like always.

“- but if you were in my position, or Steve’s, wouldn’t you, like, want to look out for either of us? You’d treat us better than… fucking… expecting us to act differently.”

He just kept staring at her as Darcy kept babbling on and on.

“And frankly, it’s rude to expect people to just abandon you when they’ve invested so much time in you. It’s a sign of respect to acknowledge a friendship, to try for the people around you.”

She sucked in a breath, rubbing her eye with one hand.

“God, I don’t mean –”

“You a therapist?” he grunted, and Darcy felt something rise up inside her, a kind of anger she’d felt toward him before, when he was trying to help her and she kept refusing it out of pride and insecurity, like when she hit her thumb with that borrowed hammer.

She stared at him.

“No, I’m not,” she breathed. “Just…”

“What, what do you wanna ask me?” he muttered, and she was momentarily lost for words, watching as he got up and went into the kitchen.

He returned with a beer he put to his lips, slumping back into his seat on the couch.

There was a lot she wanted to ask, but she didn’t know how to ask any of it without coming on too strong and upsetting him.

“You don’t owe me anything,” she muttered, and she picked up Alpine, putting him between them on the couch.

She got out her phone to check the time and she thought about seguing into leaving, and she could feel Bucky watching her, like she was a show that was put on for him to figure out.

How was this little girl going to put her foot in it this time?

“I should go.”

“I’ve killed people,” he said, and her eyes snapped to his from where she stood by the couch. “Is that what you wanted to know? If I killed people and I’ve got PTSD from that?”

“Not my… not my business,” she said, and his brows lifted.

“Really? Just the rest of it is,” he said, and she felt her face flush and she decided then that she regretted the entire visit, since this conversation had ruined it all for her.

She shook her head, at herself, at the situation… and she grabbed her bag from the floor, clearing her throat.

“I’ll see you at school.”

She walked out, the front door shutting behind her. She could hear his TV still on and she put her face in her hands, the frustration making her growl.

-

She didn’t look for Bucky the next day. She kept to the library and the school building, and she could feel that her misery from yesterday was showing in how subdued she was, since both Wanda and Sam asked her how she was within seconds of seeing her.

She liked people wanting to ask after her, but she couldn’t explain it without sounding like a fool. She was pushing Bucky too hard, and so he’d pushed back. She needed to adjust her expectations, lower them considerably, keep to herself for a while maybe. She thought of him continuing to isolate himself in that tiny apartment, her guts twisting with dread.

She didn’t bring it up with Steve when there was a lull in the literacy lesson, as the kids moved around the shelves to find new books or to read quietly in little groups upstairs while Darcy was on her computer at the circulation desk. She kept her eyes on the screen as Steve descended the stairs.

“Hey,” he said, using his regular voice instead of his teacher voice.

Darcy was in the middle of typing something back to another teacher whose upcoming literacy lesson needed to be changed because of some issue with scheduling. She glanced away from her email, lifting her brows expectantly.

“Hey. You excited for Halloween?” she asked.

Steve made a face, which told her no, he wasn’t. He was probably going to be a grump about the festivities like Wanda warned Darcy earlier in the week during her yard duty, and Darcy decided to keep her company.

“Okay, whatever,” she muttered, glancing back to her screen. “Just pretend to enjoy my costume when you see it.”

“I doubt I’ll be pretend –”

There was a knock on the door and both of them glanced to see Lois from the front office standing in the doorway, and Steve motioned for her to come in.

Lois walked over to them, her voice in a whisper as she said:

“I have some news for Chelsea Romano. I spoke to her mother on the phone. She’s getting picked up.”

Darcy pushed aside her animosity toward Annabeth and her friends and stepped out from behind her desk, whispering back:

“What is it?”

Lois licked her lips, looking at Steve and then Darcy.

“Her grandmother died.”

Darcy’s eyes swung toward the second storey, seeing Chelsea Romano giggling with two of her friends, in the middle of reading _Captain Underpants_.

“Oh, no,” Steve said, and Darcy could see he felt it, too.

“Her mom is on her way, but she won’t be here for another thirty minutes, so,” Lois whispered, and Steve glanced back at her, distracted.

“Right. I’ll talk to her.”

“You sure?” Lois said. “I could find Sister Martha. Maria’s out for the day.”

Steve shook his head, looking at Chelsea again.

“Thank you, Lois.”

Lois nodded, walking out and shutting the door behind her. Darcy reached out to touch Steve’s hand and he looked down at her.

“I can…” Darcy began, taking a deep breath. “I knew her _nonna_. I can talk to her.”

She could picture herself taking Angie Romano’s file out, crossing out her name and then filing it in the archives since it was company policy, before digitally deleting her record from the system. The process itself took less than two minutes, and she’d done it countless times before, but now she was thinking of poor little Chelsea who had probably never dealt with death before.

Steve squeezed her hand back and Darcy tried to smile.

“It’s okay, I’ll talk to her,” she said, and he looked conflicted, but she shook her head, insistent.

She walked up the steps, moving to the corner where Chelsea and her friends were squeezed into and she knelt, the girls lighting up at the sight of her.

“Chelsea, can you come with me for a minute?”

Chelsea didn’t seem upset at all, and Darcy hated that she was about to shatter her little heart. Her young life, as she knew it, was about to be over.

Chelsea followed her down the stairs and outside into the corridor and Darcy sat with her on the carpet, their legs stretched out as they leaned against the wall.

“Mrs. Allen came in before, and I have some bad news.”

Chelsea blinked at her, her eyes turning into saucers.

“Am I in trouble?”

“No, no, no,” Darcy said, and she took one of her little hands, petting it. “It’s your _nonna_. Your mommy’s on her way to pick you up.”

“Mommy said she was sick. We talked to Miss Hill about me staying with my _nonna_ for a few days…”

The little girl was already trying to bargain and she didn’t even know it. Darcy could see her panic had truly settled in, her nails biting into Darcy’s skin.

“Honey, your _nonna_ passed away.”

Chelsea stared at her for a several seconds before taking a huge gasp and bursting into tears, and Darcy watched her face crumple as she sobbed. Darcy pulled her into her lap and held her as tight as she could, rocking there as Chelsea wept.

Darcy heard the door open and the kids began to stream out, and she kept Chelsea shielded from the class as they grabbed their bags. She saw Steve with his jaw clenched as he looked at them together, supervising the class, before he told them to make a line so he could walk them back to their classroom.

“Do I have to go with Mr Rogers?” Chelsea mumbled, and Darcy shook her head, the two of them breaking apart as the other kids walked back down the corridor.

They sat there together and Steve reappeared, kneeling in front of them as Chelsea alternated between sobs and sniffles.

“Hey, kiddo,” he whispered, and Chelsea made a sad little whimper that hurt Darcy deep in her chest. “Your mom’s comin’.”

Chelsea wiped some snot away aggressively, chest heaving.

“You wanna see my secret candy stash?” Darcy asked, and Chelsea looked at her, narrowing her eyes, like she didn’t believe her. “I have sour patch kids. But you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

Chelsea looked at Steve, who mimed confusion.

“What are you talkin’ about, Miss Lewis?”

“It’s a secret!” Chelsea said, and Darcy was relieved that the child was smiling a little now, in on the joke. “Go away, Mr Rogers.”

“Go away?” he repeated, eyes wide in mock-shock. “That’s so _mean_ …”

Darcy stood up with Chelsea and took her hand, walking back into the library, Steve following after them. Darcy made a show of staring him down so that he turned his back, his hands on his hips.

Darcy showed Chelsea her little bag under the desk behind several boxes of staples, fishing out several sour patch kids for them both. They giggled together as Steve harrumphed.

“Is it okay for me to turn around now?”

Darcy winked at Chelsea. “What do you think?”

“Okay,” she replied finally. “Maybe we should give him one.”

Steve turned around, hands up now.

“Please may I have a sour patch kid, Chelsea?”

“Okay,” she said, and he put out his hand, where she deposited an orange one.

He popped it in his mouth and Chelsea giggled with Darcy again. They stayed there, just the three of them, until there was another knock on the library door and Lois stood with another woman that resembled Angie Romano to a tee, except she was about thirty years younger than her.

Chelsea raced over and was swept up in a hug. She waved at them goodbye and Darcy ducked her head once they were alone again, feeling a wave of something come over her.

“You okay?” Steve murmured, and Darcy felt her eyes prickle.

“God, that sucks,” she whispered, and she felt him grab her hand again and squeeze. “I hope she’s okay.”

“She will be,” he replied, his voice soft, void of teasing. “And you were amazing.”

Darcy shrugged. “Just did what anyone else would do. Probably shouldn’t have hugged her, though. I could see Annabeth having an issue with that.”

“Screw Annabeth,” Steve said, and Darcy let out a wet chuckle, covering her face with her hands a second later.

She had a private little cry with Steve rubbing her shoulder, her chest feeling tight, and she remembered her own grandmother all over again. Magda had been so sick for so long, and she wondered how Chelsea was meant to cope when she was only a third of the age Darcy was when she lost Magda.

“You did so well,” Steve said eventually, when Darcy fished out a tissue from her handbag to dab at her face and blow her nose.

She thought of Bucky then, and how well she didn’t take that and she grimaced.

“How come you don’t got a boyfriend?” Steve asked, and she stared at him, throwing her dirty tissue vaguely in the direction of the trash.

She picked it up and put it away properly, crossing her arms.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m serious,” he said, and she shook her head.

“I got _cheated on_ , motherfucker,” she whispered, and he smirked at her, the tension broken.

“But… why don’t you have a line out the door, is what I mean,” he said, mimicking crossing her arms, leaning against the desk now. “Seriously.”

She glanced at the ceiling, pulling in a breath.

“Beats me.”

“Yeah, I can’t figure it, either,” he murmured.

She looked at him, really looked at him, for a long minute until the bell rang and Steve turned away, sighing. Darcy knew he had yard duty, so she was quite literally saved by the bell, since she didn’t have an answer for him.

His brows lifted and he made to move toward the door, walking backwards.

“Don’t ruin Halloween for me,” she called, and he made a face.

“I meant it when I said I wouldn’t need to _pretend_ to enjoy your costume,” he retorted, and Darcy felt her face flush again.

Her body always betrayed her. With her face flushed and her stomach flipping, she watched him back out of the room.

Yeah, there was definitely no way she was choosing either of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is Halloween. ❤
> 
>   
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	17. Part Seventeen: Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm doing.

_Happy came to visit me, he bought cookies on the way_  
_I poured him tea and he told me it'll all be okay_  
**\- "Happy" by Mitski**

_I know you're tired of loving, of loving_  
_With nobody to love, nobody, nobody (Uh-huh, honey)  
**-**_ **"Bound 2" by Kanye West**

**Part Seventeen:**

**Halloween**

**FALL SEMESTER**

Darcy wore a long coat over her costume as she drove into school. She parked in her usual spot, looked around and saw no-one else hanging about the back entrance to the building and stepped out of her car.

She adjusted the belt of her coat and grabbed her bag from the passenger’s seat before straightening up and walking inside, seeing that the hallway in its black and orange decorated glory. The fake spiders’ webs to match the real ones were a nice touch and she smirked at them as she made her way down the hallways and the corridor to the library.

There was no sign of Steve anywhere in his classroom and Darcy moved on, unlocking her door to step inside and start up the computer while she sifted through the stack of returns sitting in a pile on the bottom of the chute.

Once she took of her coat, she could feel the air on her bare shoulders, but soon was moving enough that she was no longer bothered by the chill of the morning. The heating would kick in sometime soon anyway, before classes began.

Wanda knocked, stepping in as she did so, and she burst into a smile at the sight of Darcy.

“Oh, my God! You look so hot!” she yelled, and Darcy grinned at her, scanning her to figure out her friend’s outfit. Wanda put on a serious face, adjusting her short black bob of a wig and her giant spectacles.

Compared to Darcy’s Wonder Woman getup, Wanda’s costume seemed far more sophisticated and obscure.

“Edna… Mode,” Wanda said. “And guest.”

“Oh, my God!” Darcy said, beginning to laugh, and Wanda did a little twirl on the spot.

“No capes!” she added, pointing at Darcy’s own outfit.

They both heard movement at the doorway and looked, seeing Steve standing there in his usual clothes, and Darcy saw his eyes blink at her for a couple seconds before he said anything.

“Lynda Carter, who?” Wanda said, gesturing to Darcy. She rose an eyebrow at Steve. “And you’re supposed to be… Captain Grumpypants?”

“Vampire,” Steve said, lifting up his hand that held a pair of plastic vampire teeth, and Wanda looked disgusted.

“I hate you.”

He shrugged, unaffected, looking at Darcy again.

“Nice costume.”

“Thanks,” she managed to reply, moving to begin logging into her computer, and Wanda chatted with Steve about her costume, and how it was a far cry from past Halloween choices.

“I went as a hot crossing guard one year,” she said, making a face, and Darcy lifted her brows at her.

“How does one -?”

“It was last minute,” Wanda said. “Stop sign with hot pants. I didn’t get any complaints, but I was freezing at the party I went to. It was so dumb. But Jarvis gave me his jacket. Rest is history.”

“Something to tell the grandkids,” Steve said, and Wanda’s frown deepened but she was smiling at him just the same.

“I’ve got an idea. Let’s go to Steve’s place instead of O’Sullivan’s tonight,” she said, and Darcy glanced their way, Wanda’s eyes flashing with mischief.

Darcy bit her lip to suppress a wicked grin.

“Don’t see why not.”

“Uh, it’s my place?” Steve said, and then she did smile, leaning against her desk.

“It’ll be BYO,” Wanda said. “You’ve got chairs and a couch, right?”

“Yeah –”

“So that’s that,” she said, and Steve looked toward the ceiling as he sighed. “I’ll pass the news around. It’ll be fun.”

Steve gave Wanda another look, eyes dropping to her outfit.

“What are you supposed to be, anyway?”

“Edna Mode,” she retorted. “Ever watch a movie, Steeb?”

They kept bickering as Darcy moved through her early morning routine, and then the bell finally rang and Wanda skipped out, Steve lagging behind.

“You got the lasso, too?” he asked, and his eyes went to her little shorts, brows lifting. “Oh, you do.”

She tried to think of all types of innuendos about tying him up but she wasn’t quite brave enough or stupid enough to do it at 8:45 AM when she’d only had one coffee so far.

When he left her alone, she pulled her coat back on, thinking maybe Wonder Woman wasn’t the best idea for a school day.

As the day went on, she saw a lot of Ariana Grandes, Daenerys Targaryens and other inappropriate costumes for little kids. Her own outfit wasn’t that racy, and she wasn’t scary at all.

She walked into the staffroom at recess and saw Natasha wearing a Union Jack dress over leggings, and it was clear she was meant to be Ginger Spice. Other teachers were less original. There were a lot of cats and witches, and one Cleopatra. Sam wore a Knicks jersey and said his Batman suit was at the cleaners when he spotted Darcy’s costume, which made her smile.

She sat with Steve and Wanda and Lois came around to take pictures for the newsletter.

Bruce wore no costume and slipped into a chair opposite them, eyebrows hiked.

“You guys see Tommy Rumlow?”

“Why, what did he do?” Wanda asked, her tone flat.

“He’s dressed as Robb Stark.”

She and Darcy exchanged a glance and Darcy grimace.

“Oh, he did not just disrespect Richard Madden like that,” she muttered, and Wanda burst out laughing. “Richard Madden, honey, I’m so sorry.”

Annabeth had come in at this point, wearing her hair in a tall beehive, a string of pearls around her neck with a black gown with long matching gloves. She was meant to be Audrey Hepburn in _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_ , her sunglasses in her hand instead of being on her face.

“I think we should take it up with Maria. Too many adult costumes this year,” she said, her eyes resting on Darcy’s chest for a fraction of a second before she looked at Wanda.

Darcy adjusted her coat again and tried her best to not react to Annabeth in any other way. She didn’t believe her costume was that suggestive.

“Or do I always have to be the one to actually do anything around here?” she added, and Wanda frowned.

“Maria’s a little busy these days for kids wearing _Game of Thrones_ costumes,” Wanda retorted. “Probably not worth worrying about, since most likely the parents are buying them and the kids aren’t actually watching the show.”

“I would not put it past Rumlow,” Bruce muttered, and Darcy bit her lip, thinking of her car again.

“So, no leadership,” Annabeth said, putting her hands up as if she was appealing to the Heavens. “And no-one here willing to be responsible –”

“It’s one day of the year,” Steve cut in, and he hadn’t said anything in several minutes. “And it’s not hurting anyone.”

Annabeth looked irritated again, drawing in a breath and sighing loudly.

“Budget’s stretched, fine. No principal, also fine. But we’re supposed to be a good example to the kids, and having them wear outfits like this is disgusting. What’s next? Kids using whatever bathrooms they want?”

“Wait, how did we get to trans kids that fast?” Sam said, sounding horrified.

Annabeth’s face flushed. “This school is about traditional values. I don’t want to see the kids wearing perverted outfits –”

She gestured vaguely toward Darcy.

“- and I don’t think we’re setting a good example.”

“I’m wearing a coat, Annabeth!” Darcy snapped, feeling her own face blush at the sudden attention. “Are you gonna send me home with a note?”

“You couldn’t wear pants?” Annabeth said, and Darcy shoved her chair back with a loud scrape, stalking toward the door.

She could hear others coming to her defence as she walked out but she felt too annoyed. It felt like Annabeth had it out for her. Maybe the outfit was a dumb choice, but she didn’t think her being in the library most of the time wearing it would equate to showing off.

Maybe it was because her chest was so big. Maybe it was her hips sticking out like they did, her legs shapely, everything having a slight jiggle to it when she walked. She tried to not see this attack as her fault yet again…

She wrenched the library door open again, seeing Bucky standing at the circulation desk, frozen in place.

Her glare faded and she stepped inside, shutting the door behind her.

She hadn’t spoken to him since she left his apartment the other day, and she hadn’t figured out what she meant to say to him the next time they were in the same room.

She hated her stupid little outfit. Annabeth was right. She should have gone as Lizzie Bennett, arms and legs covered, neckline high, everything demure and sweet.

Bucky was wearing his usual work outfit of dirty pants and a greying white t-shirt, his hair scraped back in a low ponytail. He took her in, watching as she stalked over to the circulation desk and shoved her bag away once more.

“You needed something?” she asked.

“You’re –”

“Wonder Woman, yeah,” she said, glancing at him again.

She knew that even with her body covered, her wrists were laden with gold, plus there was the iconic tiara. Unfortunately, whenever Darcy threw it, it only bounced off of things without doing any damage.

“Wanda said there’s meant to be a party at Steve’s,” he said, his voice low.

Darcy hadn’t expected him to mention that. He’d been so withdrawn lately she was certain she’d only ever see him at school, tucked away in the yard with his head down while he worked. Yesterday morning she’d seen him raking leaves again.

“Yeah. We’re all gatecrashing his place,” Darcy said. “But I don’t really feel like going. Annabeth tried tearing into me again.”

Bucky nodded, giving a little bitter, knowing smile.

“Yeah. She talked to Maria again. Wanted to know when my contract’s up.”

“What?” Darcy snapped, and he nodded. “Seriously?”

“Said there was a genuine concern among parents,” he said, shrugging. “Or somethin’ like that. Maria’s already got enough to deal with…”

“She’s dressed as Holly Golightly today,” Darcy said, making a face. “Like, does she even know what that movie’s about? The character’s a sex worker. And then she told me I wasn’t setting a good example to the kids –”

“I woulda thought Wonder Woman was a great role model,” Bucky said, brows knitting together. “Fightin’ crime and whatnot.”

She chuckled. “The outfit’s a little…”

She gestured vaguely at her person and Bucky’s brows shifted slightly upward, his eyes falling to her coat belt tied around her middle.

“Ava’s named after Ava Gardner,” he said, smirking a little.

“ _No_ ,” Darcy said, her eyes widening. “She _can’t_ be. She had abortions. Frank Sinatra left Nancy for her –”

“I don’t get these rich conservatives,” Bucky muttered, waving a hand. “Fuckin’ hypocrites.”

They lapsed into silence, shaking their heads, and Darcy watched him think something over, whatever it was that brought him to her. Whatever it was lay heavy enough on him that he stood around waiting for her.

“You should… you should come over,” he murmured, his hand coming up to rest on the desk close to hers.

His hands were rough and grubby, the nails bitten down, some of the cuticles split. Dried blood was collecting under his thumbnail. Darcy thought of Alpine’s pristine white fur contrasting with the grime of Bucky’s hands.

“Why?” she murmured back.

“Because Steve would want you to,” he said, “Even if he’s pretendin’ he’s gonna have a bad time. He’d miss you if you weren’t there.”

“And you?” Darcy asked, and he looked right at her then.

“Yeah,” he said, and she believed him, her stomach flipping.

She looked away.

“You hurt my feelings the other day,” she said, and she saw him nod in her peripheral vision. “And I know I pushed you too hard, but – I still feel shitty about how I left things.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, and she looked at him again, his eyes steady on hers. He bit his lip, then let it go. “I’m no good at this.”

“At what.”

“Talkin’. Women,” he said, and Darcy was surprised he named it properly.

He hadn’t even referred to her as a friend before, let alone a _woman_ , something with so much weight and potential to it.

“I’m talking to you now and you seem to be doing fine,” she retorted.

“You should come to the party, even if I’m there.”

“I didn’t think you would,” Darcy said, folding her arms. “Since I barely see you out.”

“I’m… tryin’,” he said eventually, and he sounded different, like he was tired. “Could you… cut me some slack?”

Darcy licked her lips, nodding. “I guess.”

He pushed off the desk, taking a deep breath. Darcy watched him move toward the door.

“If you don’t come, I’ll come get you from your place and drag you back to Steve’s. He wouldn’t shut up about it if you weren’t there.”

She stared at him.

“I know where you live,” he added.

She nodded, ducking her head, feeling herself smile as she heard him go.

-

Steve’s place seemed more lived in than Bucky’s, but it was still bare in that male way that meant there was a lack of knowledge of interior design in general. He was able to fit everyone invited well enough. Darcy arrived with Wanda, who was already rowdy with anticipation.

They were some of the last people to arrive and Wanda ducked under Steve’s arm with ease, which told Darcy she’d been there many times before. She was left in the corridor with Steve looking down at her.

“Find the place easy enough?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she replied.

He dropped his arm and she could hear the music and people inside. She slipped past him, picturing him pulling her in by the waist and kissing her up against the door, which he kicked shut.

“This coat comin’ off any time soon?” he asked, his voice at her ear.

She turned her head slightly, his face close to hers, his eyes on her mouth as she spoke.

“I’m not drunk enough yet.”

“Then I’ll get you a beer.”

She began to giggle and they walked into the livingroom, where everyone had converged. Several people turned and cheered at Darcy’s arrival, including Clint and the woman beside him.

She walked over, feeling Steve move behind her to get to the kitchen, and she smiled at the Bartons, offering her hand.

“Darcy.”

“Laura,” Laura replied, grinning. She was dressed as Beetlejuice while Clint had worn his Robin Hood outfit all day at school. “I’ve heard so much.”

“All bad, I’m sure.”

“Oh, totally,” she said, smiling even wider. She nudged Clint. “You didn’t say she was cute.”

“I thought it was implied,” Clint said. “And aren’t you meant to be jealous if I tell you how cute my colleagues are?”

“Oh, please,” Laura retorted, rolling her eyes. “You’re a dinosaur, sweetie.”

Darcy giggled and Clint fastened an arm around his wife, kissing her temple. Darcy felt something cold nudge her hand and she saw Steve had brought her beer and she flashed a grateful smile to him. He lowered his head to whisper to her:

“You got someone waitin’ for you out back.”

Darcy stared at him, wondering what he was trying to do. What Bucky was trying to do, too, if he was so intent on her coming to Steve’s apartment as well. She felt her stomach flip and she began to weave her way through the people, waving and giving hugs along the way.

She walked into the kitchen and saw Bucky leaning against the sink, staring at the floor, and she caught his eye.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied, and he smiled at her, small but sweet.

She moved to pull him into a hug and he caught her, her cheek pressed to his, his arm wrapped around her waist.

“So glad you came,” she whispered, and he nodded.

As the night went on, Darcy ended up dancing with Wanda without the coat on, and she felt safe. She was among the crowd of dancers, everyone a little tipsy and giggling. She thought of Halloween last year, and how she’d been so bored at some party she and Ian went to. She couldn’t remember what she went as either. She didn’t mind so much not being able to recall those details. She was getting used to not caring about that part of her life anymore.

She knew that seeing Steve’s eyes and Bucky’s catching hers from across the living room made her happy. Neither of them danced, not even when Sam danced with Darcy, twirling her around and dipping her and making her cackle. She clutched her tiara as he pulled her straight back up, bowing as they parted and the song faded to a different one that had Wanda reaching for her again to dance.

It was Rihanna’s _Birthday Cake_. Darcy knew it was Wanda’s choice of song by how she kept yelling the lyrics and shimmying. At one point, she patted Darcy’s butt as they both giggled, probably looking like drunken idiots as they dissolved more as the song went on.

People began to leave after 10. The Bartons both hugged Darcy and Wanda goodnight, saying the Laura’s parents were probably already eating all the candy they got from the night.

“You deserve at least some Reese’s!” Wanda said, and Laura laughed, cuddling her.

Darcy had grabbed handfuls of M&Ms from a bowl throughout the night. They’d had some trick-or-treaters come a few times from other apartments, all of them admiring Wanda’s costume the most when they shelled out candy.

“Enough, I’m done,” she said, stepping away from the bowl, and she moved back to Wanda to waltz with her.

She attempted a dip and Wanda gave a little squeal, Darcy holding onto her with all her strength, grunting as she brought them both back up.

“Drink?”

Darcy nodded, and she was left to dance alone, Wanda walking out to the kitchen. She touched her tiara again, glancing over at the couch to see Bucky with his beer, Steve beside him.

“I can’t tempt you?”

“Sure you can,” he said, and she smirked. “But it ain’t happenin’.”

She rolled her eyes, turning in a circle, and Wanda reappeared with a shot of something clear Darcy determined to be tequila.

“You’re outta limes, Steeb,” Wanda called, licking the salt from her knuckle before throwing back the shot.

Darcy copied her and Steve said:

“Gee, I wonder why.”

The two women giggled and began to dance again, to a grungy pop song Darcy knew, and the last time she’d heard it she’d been crying over Ian.

_Your mother wouldn't approve of how my mother raised me_

_But I do, I think I do_

_And you're an all-American boy_

_I guess I couldn't help trying to be your best American girl_

Wanda went home, and Darcy knew this was how she wanted it when she first got there. Her with Bucky and Steve, cleaning up together while the music played in the background.

“Crime fighting and I take out the trash,” she murmured, which made Bucky chuckle.

She knew she didn’t want to go home but had to. She longed to curl up on the sofa, her legs draped across their knees. When she was finished with the trash bags and slumped into the couch with a sigh, Steve said:

“You want me to call you a cab?”

She nodded. “Eventually…”

She sunk a little deeper into the cushions, a slow smile forming on her face that he mirrored. He was crouched beside her, picking up a bit of trash from the floor, a candy wrapper of some kind. She watched him grab another.

She lifted herself a little as he hovered over her, her eyes falling to his mouth, his eyes meeting hers a second later.

“You’re drunk,” he whispered.

“Maybe,” she replied, feeling the butterflies in her stomach. “But you’re pretty and tomorrow I’ll be sober but you’ll still be pretty…”

Bucky was in the other room, and remembering this made her eyes dart to the doorway and Steve pulled back.

“You’re drunk,” she heard him whisper again.

She wanted him to kiss her, because she was certain she didn’t have the courage to do it herself. She knew as well that she wanted Bucky to kiss her, too. She wanted a lot of things, and not all of them were wise choices to make.

He moved to cup her cheek, his lips parting.

“Pretty,” she breathed, and he gave a tiny smile, nearly undetectable, before it faded. He let her go, straightening up.

Bucky came in as Steve slipped out, and Darcy felt as if it was like they’d changed actors in a play, but it was the same role. She was seeking him out as he sat down beside her, and she turned toward him, wanting to take hold of his hand between her two and press his knuckles to her lips.

She instead settled on her knees, and Bucky watched her watching him, Steve’s movements in the kitchen breaking the silence every few seconds. Darcy heard bottles clinking together as Steve gathered them.

“I’ll get an Uber,” Darcy murmured, taking out her phone. “I wish I could stay.”

Bucky cleared his throat.

“I’m sure Steve would let you,” he replied.

She looked up from her phone, seeing he was looking different. It might have been the wrong thing to say, by how he seemed to close off from her, his gaze shifting to the open doorway.

“If you stayed, I’d stay,” she said, and he looked at her again. “But I’m drunk.”

 _I want you both_ , she wished she could say. _I wish you knew I felt this way when I was sober._

“I’m goin’ home,” he replied.

Stay, or go home with him. Or just go home.

“You gettin’ a cab?” Steve asked, walking back in, and Darcy looked at him, his eyes trained on where her hand rested on Bucky’s wrist.

She hadn’t noticed she’d done that.

“Yeah,” she said, withdrawing her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [Edna Mode... and guest.](http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-Ij7ElJnqM)
> 
> I refuse to stop quoting Mitski. I also refuse to stop getting people drunk in this universe.
> 
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	18. Part Eighteen: Tia and Annabeth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said the weeks have been shitty but it turns out it's 2020 that's shitty so far, so I need all the well wishes imaginable. My mental health is in tatters, my sweet dudes. I am a clingy mess.
> 
> Also, this is kind of a nothing chapter. Sorry.

_The trash washes up to shore_  
_Even in this landlocked place_  
_The shit gets thicker, it's toxic_  
_Get it out of my face_  
**\- "Pot Kettle Black" by Tilly and the Wall**

**Part Eighteen:**

**Tia and Annabeth**

**FALL SEMESTER**

Wanda was lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling as she tugged a Twizzler between her teeth. Darcy was typing at the circulation desk, and it was Monday afternoon after school.

Wanda had asked for a lift home and Darcy was happy to do her the favor, and as much as she was a distraction she was also helping her get through the dreariness of the paperwork she needed to file.

Since Halloween, she hadn’t been able to be alone in a room with Steve or Bucky. She hadn’t made it known, but she was sure it was obvious, especially when she insisted her last literacy planning session with Steve was in the staff room with other teachers coming in and out. She made the excuse that she was sick of the art room smelling of varnish and the stuffiness of the library. This made little sense as the staff room was cramped and had poor ventilation.

“Did you have a crush on Steve?” Darcy asked, not pausing her typing.

She thought if she spent to long thinking about the question, she’d never ask it. She’d meant to find out weeks ago but always put it off. She knew why she didn’t want to know the answer; she didn’t want to compare herself to Wanda.

Wanda swallowed and went back for another chunk, taking a deep, contemplative breath.

“That was my very subtle way to bring this up casually,” Darcy added, her eyes meeting Wanda’s from over the desk, her brows hiking like Wanda’s were. “So…”

“Honestly? Yeah,” Wanda said, but she didn’t seem bothered too much by the admission. “But he showed no interest. He wasn’t really dating anyone then. I don’t think he even noticed me.”

Wanda frowned a little.

“Bucky had just started here and things were on edge.”

Darcy nodded, leaving the typing to lean against her desk, her chin resting in her hands.

“He doesn’t remember you trying to kiss him at the Christmas party?”

“No,” Wanda said, chuckling. “I think if he did, he would’ve never stopped talking shit about me. He’s such a troll…”

Darcy nodded, wondering if Wanda was about to ask her why she cared so much, and then maybe Darcy would have to finally talk about Halloween. She’d brushed it aside when Jane asked her about it several times. She tried to forget but it wasn’t working, no matter how busy school got.

“Would you french me?” Wanda asked.

Darcy smirked. “You ask me this every three days…”

Wanda sat up, waggling her eyebrows. “Well?”

“Obviously,” Darcy said, hands up. “But I’m trying to work right now.”

“You’re taking a break, what are you talking about?”

Darcy grinned at her and moved back to her computer despite Wanda’s protests, and they went back to their respective roles of reclining visitor and working host. They stayed that way for another fifteen minutes before Darcy heard the sound of breaking glass and her eyes snapped to Wanda’s.

“What the hell was that?”

Wanda sprang up and they dashed out together into the corridor, finding broken glass strewn across the carpet. There was a beaten up basketball against the wall, and Darcy wandered over to the gaping hole in the window to look out, seeing the retreating backs of the culprits.

“Goddamn it. Tommy Rumlow,” Wanda hissed, and she took off out the back door, yelling after them.

Darcy crouched, picking up a jagged piece of thick glass between her fingers and stared at it. Maria didn’t need this. Replacing the window would be expensive, since she was sure it was the fancy insulating kind. She sighed, putting the glass on the pile as she stood back up.

Bucky had come inside and saw the carnage on the floor, his face turning to stone.

“Wanda’s already out there,” she said, and their eyes met. “She thinks it’s Tommy Rumlow.”

“Of fuckin’ course it is,” Bucky muttered. “What was he doin’ hangin’ around out there?”

Darcy shrugged. “Search me.”

It was the most she’d said to him in two weeks. She swallowed, considering her words carefully.

“Maybe stay out of it.”

Bucky frowned and she didn’t look away from him, trying her best to brave the glowering she might receive for not minding her own business again.

Wanda had come back, out of breath, her eyes fierce.

“He says he didn’t do it,” she said, arms wide. “Like I haven’t heard that one ten thousand times already.”

“ _Why_ is he here?” Bucky asked. 

“I don’t know!” Wanda snapped. “Do I look like I know? Stay out of it.”

“Alright!” Bucky retorted, glancing at both of them with his signature brooding glare. “Jesus.”

He stalked off and Wanda watched him leave, looking even more pissed off, her hands balling into fists.

“We should tell Maria,” Darcy murmured.

“Not it,” Wanda said, and Darcy sighed.

They walked down the corridor, and Darcy could see Bucky coming out of his shed with a trash can and a broom, probably to clean up the glass. He was scowling with the cold wind blowing his hair away from his face.

They rounded the corner to walk into the front office area and Darcy glanced around, wondering if there was a chance they’d have Annabeth’s crew as an audience. Luckily, no-one was there, except for Maria when Wanda knocked on her door that stood half-open.

She was on her laptop, her brows knitted together when she looked up.

“Bad news,” Darcy said, and Maria’s face fell.

Both she and Wanda explained the situation, and Darcy watched as Maria began to deflate rapidly, getting up from her desk to follow them out and back to the scene of the crime. When they arrived, Bucky had swept up the majority of the glass.

Maria glanced over at the closed door to the art room.

“Steve see anything?”

Darcy shrugged. She hadn’t seen Steve that day. He’d been busy, as far as she could tell, with getting work done before the Thanksgiving break.

“He’s out,” grunted Bucky, who’d reappeared with his industrial strength vacuum cleaner strapped to his back.

“So, we’ve got no witnesses, only kids running away,” Maria said, and Wanda put her hands on her hips. Before she could say anything Maria kept going. “I believe you. I just don’t think we have enough to contact parents.”

“Who _else_ could have done it?” Darcy snapped, unable to help herself. “Maria, you’ve –”

“What?” she interjected, her tone sharper than usual, and Darcy knew then she shouldn’t have reacted that way. Maria glared at her. “If you have any suggestions on how to deal with this, I’m all ears.”

 _No, you’re not_ , Darcy wanted to say, but didn’t. She knew she had no right to an opinion on a matter she knew nothing about. She had no authority, no experience to draw from. She was just the girl that worked in the library. She barely had a Bachelor’s Degree.

The silence that fell between the four of them was cut short by the blast of the vacuum as Bucky began to clean. Maria took out her phone and unlocked it, swiping through pictures Wanda had sent her of the crime scene.

“This all?” she asked, over the sound of the vacuum.

Wanda nodded.

“I’m going,” Darcy said, and she went back into the library to grab her bags.

Wanda joined her, watching her as she packed away her things.

“I just need to make a pit stop before we I drop you off,” Darcy said, when they got to her car.

Wanda nodded. “Sure, of course.”

Darcy went to Best Buy and bought two cameras she installed in her car. She wasn’t about to leave it to IT or anyone else to look out for her personal property.

-

Tommy Rumlow was brought up in the next day’s meeting. There was a chorus of outraged murmurings while Maria told everyone, and Darcy watched Annabeth for any reactions. She didn’t seem as upset as the others. Even Flo and Lois had the sense to pretend to be upset, whereas Annabeth stared at her nails.

That afternoon, Darcy was stuck with gate duty for the first time as Hope was sick. She hadn’t realized she’d be stuck with Annabeth when she volunteered. She supposed with witnesses there was less likely to be some kind of verbal abuse from either side, but she already felt testy, mostly because a whole other week had gone by and Ava hadn’t reimbursed the school for the book she destroyed.

“Oh, hello,” Annabeth said, looking down at Darcy.

She was in the middle of a conversation with two mothers that dressed like her. Darcy knew she was in the presence of the elite Mom Squad. She was pretty sure they had some shit-talking monthly book club at each other’s houses. She had no idea why Annabeth had a job. She didn’t seem to need one. She had a Cartier bracelet to match the women she was chatting to.

“Miss Lewis, how are you?” one of the women asked.

Darcy gave a false smile but didn’t strain herself. “Hello.”

“My Beatrice is in the literacy class you have with Steve,” she went on. “We’re all thoroughly enjoying the lessons so far.”

Darcy felt watched. “Thanks. I make sure no-one’s hair’s on fire.”

“You’re a witty little one,” Beatrice’s mom replied, grinning. She hit Annabeth’s arm. “You didn’t tell me she was witty.”

She probably called her everything else under the sun behind Darcy’s back. Annabeth met Darcy’s eye and smirked.

“She’s being modest, she runs everything in that library. Cracks the whip.”

Darcy didn’t say anything to that, letting her eyes swing away. The women dropped their voices to whispers and she sighed, wishing she’d just gone home. A parent caught her eye, one that stood out from the rest in her pink tracksuit and platinum blonde hair extensions that reached her pert little ass. She looked like a kid’s older sister, but she was holding the hand of a kid from Steve’s literacy class. The kid’s name was Teddy and he was constantly zoning out, though he meant well. He was forever forgetting his books, and Darcy was pretty sure she’d sent home notes reminding him multiple times.

“Who’s that, with Teddy?” Darcy asked, glancing at the women.

They abruptly stopped whispering and Annabeth’s mouth pulled into a barely hidden scowl. She let out a little tut.

“That’s Tia.”

Darcy moved closer to them and Annabeth’s brows hiked.

“She’s twenty-two. Teddy’s father married her when he met her in Vegas. Brought her back to New York. She’s shameless.”

“It’s disgusting,” Beatrice’s mom chimed in. “Whenever we have a bake sale, she always brings in those store-bought cookies from Ralph’s.”

Darcy liked those cookies. She made a ‘hmm’ face, shrugging.

“She’s one of those women that gives men a reason to hate women,” Annabeth added.

She sounded like she’d thought about that particular observation for a while.

Darcy looked at her again, after watching Tia bend over to kiss Teddy on the cheek, her ample cleavage on display.

“I think the opposite of that is true, Mrs Hendrickson,” she said, and she stuck her hands into her pockets, walking away. “Excuse me.”

She took the steps, wandering through the crowd of parents and kids chatting and playing, until she got to Teddy and Tia. He smiled at her and Tia straightened up, flashing a perfect set of teeth, so white Darcy thought they could glow in the dark.

“Hi, Teddy.”

“Hi, Miss Lewis,” he said.

Tia offered her hand. “I’m Tia.”

“Darcy,” Darcy replied, shaking her hand.

“You’re the one who’s been sending home those fricking –”

Teddy nudged Tia.

“I said ‘fricking’, Ted, not ‘fucking’ – whoops,” Tia said, giggling. “Those notes about the books. I’m so sorry we haven’t been able to find those books. I meant to come by and say something, but I’m such a space cadet. By the time I get down here, I only want to kiss and cuddle my kid.”

Darcy nodded, smiling at her. She made it easy to like her. She was friendly and messy. Darcy was pretty sure she’d be like Tia if she was blonde and really into pink.

“Tell you what, I’ll come by sometime after the first bell tomorrow,” she said. “If I can roll my ass out of bed before nine. I’m not really a morning person.”

She was looking behind Darcy and her eyes ducked, her grin falling a little.

Darcy turned her eyes behind them and saw Annabeth and the other women talking together, laughing and watching them.

“Bitches,” Darcy heard Tia whisper.

Teddy seemed too preoccupied with his mitten clip to hear her curse.

“Don’t worry about them,” Darcy said. “They’re just jealous, you know that, right?”

Tia looked embarrassed, like she wasn’t expecting Darcy to hear her, either. She gave another smile, shrugging.

“I don’t know. They all went to college. I barely graduated high school.”

“What does your husband do?” Darcy asked, changing the subject.

“Lawyer,” Tia said. “I don’t really know exactly what he… does. He doesn’t like it anywhere near as much as he used to, he says.”

“He’d rather stay home with you?” Darcy asked, and Tia burst out laughing.

“Yeah, I guess so. His wife – uh, Teddy’s mom,” she said, her tone changing, “When she passed, he spent so much time at work.”

“I get that,” Darcy said. “Makes things easier, when you’re focusing on other things.”

Tia nodded. “Anyway, we’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll even write it on my hand if I have to. Say bye, Teddy.”

Teddy waved, only half listening, and Tia gave Darcy a little wave, too. Darcy turned back, making her way back to Annabeth and the two mothers.

“So, what did she say?” the third woman said.

“She looks like a child,” Annabeth said, and the women began to giggle softly.

Darcy didn’t answer the question, instead choosing to stay silent, hearing them gossip together. Eventually, she couldn’t keep quiet when a certain subject came up.

“I was hoping to see Steve today,” Beatrice’s mom said, and Annabeth shot her a look, hitting her arm.

“Gina, we all know about how you like to see him.”

“And watch him leave,” muttered the other mom.

Gina made a show of rolling her eyes. “I mean, I’ve got two eyes and I’m a woman. Darcy, what do you think?”

Darcy felt all eyes on her again and glanced at them, her arms crossed.

“About what, exactly?”

She was pretty sure they were asking her about Steve’s ass. She would never, ever soliloquize about his rear to them, even though it was in her current top two.

“He _is_ handsome,” Gina said. “Annabeth said you’re close. Does he have a girlfriend?”

“I don’t know,” Darcy said.

“He’s very close to a lot of people, Gina,” Annabeth said.

Darcy didn’t like her tone. She watched Annabeth purse her kips knowingly. She thought of Bucky and Steve together the first day of school. Had there been other moments that she hadn’t seen, that Annabeth or one of her friends had seen? The dread made Darcy’s stomach twist.

“I think he’s seeing Wanda,” she said.

“No, she’s seeing that paralegal in Manhattan,” Annabeth replied instantly. “I don’t know if we should assume we know his type.”

The other women exchanged glances and Darcy felt her unease morph to anger faster than she could blink. It may only be implied, but still…

“He’s not -?” Gina asked, making some kind of ambiguous gesture with her hand.

“I hope not,” said the second mother. “Can you imagine the kids finding out about… _that_ from school?”

“Don’t,” Annabeth said, giving a short laugh. “He won’t be working here if that were ever the case –”

“I wouldn’t put it past Maria from keeping _that_ from us, too,” Gina said.

Darcy felt her face grow hot and she listened to them giggle about Steve’s personal life, and she stared straight ahead at the shrinking group of students and parents.

It wasn’t until Annabeth acknowledged her that she snapped out of her rage-induced tunnel-vision.

“Darcy. You can go now.”

She turned to her, seeing the mothers still there. Ava was playing with Beatrice and another child Darcy hadn’t met, which she gathered belonged to the second mother. The school entrance was closer to deserted and she finally met Annabeth’s gaze.

“Ava can’t borrow books until she pays back fourteen dollars,” she said, loud and clear.

Gina made a scoffing sound while Annabeth went silent.

“She didn’t put the gum in the book, I told you,” Annabeth said. “So I won’t be paying that back, Darcy.”

“Fine,” Darcy said, glancing between the three women, flashing a smile. “I figure eventually you’ll run out of ways to call me dumb.”

Annabeth gave a little laugh, mirthless. “That’s dramatic.”

“I’m just saying – you should try to not seem like you enjoy it so much,” Darcy went on. “I will give Ava books she can read in the library during school hours, but she won’t be taking any of them home with her.”

“You would _discriminate_ -?”

Darcy held up a hand.

“I’m not.”

“Annabeth, don’t let her –”

Annabeth cut Gina off with a sharp glance.

“Do you know what people say about you?” she said, rounding on Darcy. Her voice had dropped to a harsh whisper. “Chelsea Romano’s grandmother told everyone who’d listen about the good doctor you left behind.”

She thought of Patrick in his special chair, his hand under her skirt, fingers brushing over her crotch.

“What,” she said. Her face was burning.

“Before she died, she made sure everyone knew about you being _so close_ to Patrick the Podiatrist. So no _wonder_ you were dumped.”

Darcy couldn’t believe Angie Romano would talk about her that way. It had to be a lie. It didn’t stop her heart sinking as Annabeth gave her a self-satisfied smirk, folding her arms.

“Yeah. So don’t start passing judgments on me, or my kids.”

Darcy took a step back. The children had stopped playing, sensing the adults were arguing. She looked toward the parking lot.

“My car,” she murmured, thinking aloud. She looked Annabeth in the eye again. “You did that.”

“What?”

“You did that,” she said again, not explaining it to Annabeth.

No wonder Tommy had been so distraught. He hadn’t done it. She wondered if there was a way she could prove it. She tilted her head at Annabeth, and the eyes that stared into hers looked surprised, like she couldn’t recognize Darcy’s bravery. Darcy supposed she hadn’t shown that side of her in a while.

“Maybe _don’t_ let Ava have bubble gum when I’m able to see her,” she said finally, pointing at Ava, who was chewing gum with her mouth open.

She promptly shut her mouth and Annabeth glared at her.

“Mommy –”

“ _Go_ to the car, Ava. _Now_.”

“Bye, Ava!” Darcy called, watching the child leave, and she wiggled her fingers at her. She stepped back. “Fourteen dollars, Annabeth.”

She walked back into the school building, almost running into Wanda along the way whose brows had almost merged with her hairline.

“I…”

“You saw all that?” Darcy said.

“Uh, _yeah_ , please explain what the fuck just happened?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	19. Part Nineteen: Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for so many supportive words yesterday. I'm hoping to keep at this story as a kind of therapy (along with actual therapy). I want this to be my happy place. Thank you for your loyal reading. ❤

_So have you got the guts?_  
_Been wondering if your heart's still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts_  
_Simmer down and pucker up_  
_I'm sorry to interrupt. It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you_  
**\- "Do I Wanna Know?" by Arctic Monkeys**

**Part Nineteen:**

**Thanksgiving**

**FALL SEMESTER**

Darcy walked up to the hostess and craned her head around the corner just as the woman asked her if she had a reservation. The restaurant was relatively empty, save for a seat by the window occupied by a familiar face that made Darcy instantly smile.

“I’m here for him.”

The hostess led her to the table and Gavin stood, bringing her into a tight hug. Darcy had missed in terribly, and she suspected he felt the same way – he held onto her for several seconds and when they broke apart he looked elated. Darcy took off her coat to throw on the back of her chair and they sat down opposite each other.

“Tell me everything,” he said, and Darcy began to laugh.

It was Thanksgiving, and she hadn’t wanted to travel back home to see her mother. She was already exhausted from school, and it wasn’t the first time they’d postponed visiting each other. Darcy knew she’d be spending winter break with her, and when Gavin called her earlier that week, she hadn’t thought of him offering to spend the afternoon with her.

She’d told him that Ian wanted to see him, and Gavin had attempted to reconcile with him and give Amy a chance, but as he kept telling Darcy now at lunch, they weren’t making it easy for him.

“They don’t acknowledge you. Amy talks about their anniversary they had, and I only think of you,” he murmured, his thumb rubbing Darcy’s knuckles as he held her hand on the table between them.

Darcy put down her wine glass, swallowing.

“He was sad.”

“Good,” Gavin said, and they both chuckled. “His mother and I how a row this morning when I said I was coming to meet you.”

Ian’s mother Helen had declined the invitation, not that Darcy ever expected her to pass up on Thanksgiving at home with Ian. They were meticulously crafted meals, over hours and hours of preparation. Darcy had always tried to help but Helen was the type of control freak to never let her do more than open cans or pour drinks.

“Hopefully she’ll save you a piece of pie,” Darcy said, shifting a little in her seat. She felt awkward, not wanting to cause fighting because she had no-one else to see today.

“I think she’ll forgive me. And I don’t mind the couch. It’s quite spacious and lovely,” he said, smiling at her.

Darcy took her hand back to eat more. Having Italian instead of ordinary roast turkey was exactly what she needed, and she felt doted on by the one waiter that kept coming back to see them, since they were the only people to serve.

They got onto the subject of Sacred Heart and Gavin was intrigued by the staff politics.

“I’m a real underling there, though,” she said, making a face. “Like, I’m under the janitor. He’s got the whole outside to himself, I’ve got the library –”

“But you have the keys to the books, that means a lot!” Gavin said. “You two are like rulers of lands bordering each other.”

“Slight exaggeration,” Darcy muttered, chewing. “He gets paid more than me.”

“Well,” Gavin said, shrugging a little. “That can’t be avoided, unfortunately. Is your car still getting you from A to B?”

“Barely,” Darcy said, shaking her head. “I might get the heating fixed so I don’t freeze every morning, and hopefully by the time it’s summer again I’ll have an AC…”

She glanced out the window, thinking about her car and how it was spray-painted. Something must have shown on her face because Gavin asked:

“Are you alright?”

“Yes,” she replied, swinging her eyes back to meet his, putting a smile on. “Just thinking about this woman I work with. She’s… unpleasant.”

“Right,” Gavin said, tucking his chin and narrowing his eyes slightly. “And what are you doing to cope with that?”

“ _She’s_ the one who leaves every room I walk into now,” Darcy replied, smirking a little.

It was true. Since the gate duty they did together, Annabeth had avoided her. If she was talking, she’d stop mid-sentence and walk the other direction, usually with either Lois or Flo to follow her. The staffroom was no longer a neutral territory, and she’d not come to a couple meetings. Maria had spoken to Darcy about what occurred and Darcy had told her a version of the truth she was comfortable with sharing. She skimmed past her accusing Annabeth of vandalism, as well as the speculation over Steve’s love life.

Maria had warned her not to pursue some kind of rivalry with Annabeth, advising her to avoid being alone with her, but Darcy hadn’t had to try.

Darcy told Gavin about her car and how she didn’t know how anyone ever got through a conversation with Annabeth without arguing with her. She dreaded having to deal with her eventually when she didn’t have a choice, like at the Christmas party next month, or some other event like it.

“The cameras are a fantastic idea,” Gavin said. “Caught anyone doing anything interesting lately?”

Darcy shook her head, though she had seen Tia smoking a cigarette when she’d dropped Teddy off, trying to do it discreetly as she left to drive off in her Range Rover. She didn’t think she’d catch Annabeth doing anything near her car, especially after accusing her openly. Speeding through the footage ever night after school became part of her routine, but it was all pretty uneventful.

“Nope,” she said, shaking her head.

The rest of the lunch they talked about Gavin’s semi-retirement, and how he was trying to grow three different types of chillies to make his own oils and hot sauces, but the New York State climate meant he had to grow things indoors like he was a marijuana supplier, which he found amusing but Helen did not.

“You’ll have to send me a jar of oil when you make it,” she said, and Gavin shook his head.

“I’ll hand deliver it to your flat,” he said, taking her hand in his again.

She loved him a lot. Not remembering much of her own father, it was pretty easy for Darcy to adopt him as a father figure over the years. She squeezed his hand back, nodding.

“Okay, deal.”

-

Darcy left the restaurant feeling full and cheerful, walking back to her car once she and Gavin went their separate ways.

She shivered as she slipped back into her car, putting her key in the ignition as her phone buzzed. She switched off the engine and took out her phone.

**_Want to get a drink? O’Sullivan’s is open_ **

It was from Steve. He wasn’t demanding why she hadn’t spoken to him in a while. She immediately fired back:

**_Sure. See you in an hour._ **

When she walked up to the bar, she didn’t see any sign of Bucky’s truck but Steve’s car was parked among a few others. Darcy stepped inside, hearing Creedence Clearwater Revival playing from the jukebox as she scanned the tables.

Steve sat alone with his phone out, reading something. Once he spotted her he tucked it away, smiling at her. He rose from his seat as she came over and Darcy realized this might be perceived as a date, and she felt her stomach flip with the potential of that. She tried not to think _Bad Moon Rising_ was some kind of sign.

“Hey,” he said, and he ducked down to hug her and Darcy rose her arms, standing up on tip-toes to reach him.

It felt right, being touched by him. She couldn’t deny that.

“You been here long?” she asked

He pulled out the chair beside him for her and she sat down, both of them leaning into each other to speak over the music.

“Maybe fifteen minutes. You at your mom’s?”

Darcy shook her head. “I saw my ex’s dad for lunch.”

Steve’s brows rose and he smiled. “That’s great. You want a drink?”

Darcy nodded, and he departed for the bar. She quickly fired off a text to Jane, and by the time Steve returned the song had ended and another mellower one began. Steve put her beer down in front of her on a coaster, sitting beside her once more.

Darcy lifted her beer and tapped it with Steve’s.

“To the recognition of Indigenous Americans.”

Steve nodded. “Amen.”

They drank and watched one another, lapsing into silence. Darcy leaned on her elbow, wondering what to say.

“What did you do today?”

“Not a lot,” he said. “Don’t usually do much during the holidays. It’s…”

“It’s hard,” Darcy said, and he nodded, sighing.

“Yeah, and then there’s Buck.”

Darcy nodded, wondering where he was, and if he was okay. As if sensing her train of thought, Steve added:

“He’s okay. He told me to go out. He was watching the parade on TV with Alpine, and then there was the game.”

“I’m not gonna even try to pretend I know anything about whatever game was on,” Darcy muttered, and Steve began to laugh, his smile reaching his eyes.

“Points were scored,” he said, and Darcy grinned at him.

“Touchdowns were made?”

“You betcha,” he said, and Darcy bit her lip, snorting.

They kept drinking and making dumb jokes, until Darcy hit his arm with her hand.

“Wanda said she had a crush on you,” she said.

Steve was tipping back his bottle and he made a grunt, eyes widening slightly as he shook his head, swallowing.

“No. She… she didn’t.”

“You’re pretty dense for a smart guy,” Darcy retorted, and Steve tilted his head slightly.

“Is that a backhanded compliment from Darcy Lewis?” he retorted, and she rolled her eyes. “I heard those are plentiful these days…”

“You heard about me and Annabeth?” Darcy muttered.

“Just be prepared for DEFCON 3.”

Darcy licked her lips, frowning. “I didn’t think we were at DEFCON 2. Ava brought in the fourteen dollars yesterday.”

“DEF CON 2 is worse than DEF CON 3,” Steve said. “You’re at 4 right now.”

“Maybe buy me another beer so I can prepare, then?” Darcy said, picking up her empty bottle to demonstrate her need. “And anyway, I’ve taken measures.”

Steve was getting up as she said this, but he stopped, turning back.

“What d’you mean?”

“Less talky, more drinky,” she said, waving him off.

She didn’t elaborate until he returned with another beer, pushing it toward her with an expectant look on his face.

“I got two cameras for my car just in case,” she said, and Steve’s lips parted.

He watched her take a couple sips of her beer.

“That’s… kind of brilliant,” he said slowly.

Darcy swallowed another mouthful of beer. “Thank you.”

“How long have you been recording out in the parking lot?”

She scanned his face, no longer only seeing awe, but something else. She wondered if this was the time to finally tell him what she saw on the first day of school. Had she just blown that out of proportion?

“About ten days.”

She hadn’t seen him or Bucky in the parking lot. She tended to get there before either of them and then leave before both of them at the end of the day. It was nothing new.

“I saw Tia Rothshild with a pack of Marlboro Reds on Monday, but otherwise… nothing to report,” she said, and Steve’s head ducked.

“Tia Rothschild,” he murmured, shaking his head a little.

Darcy wondered what he meant by that, leaning back in her chair a little as she waited for him to elaborate. When he didn’t, she moved on.

“Wanda definitely had a crush on you. She told me,” Darcy said.

“Why are you tellin’ me this now?” Steve asked.

She shrugged a shoulder. “I mean, she said you didn’t even notice.”

“I wasn’t really…” Steve glanced away. “It was a difficult time. I was trying to stop DEF CON 1 from happening with Bucky.”

“Right,” Darcy said. “But you would have -?”

“What does it matter, Darce?” he said, cutting her off. “She’s with Jarvis. Maybe I was attracted to her, but that doesn’t mean anything. Not if…”

He trailed off, shaking his head, most likely at himself. He sighed.

“Not if what?” Darcy pressed.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed and he shrugged. “Can’t say I knew where that sentence was going.”

He was probably lying. He wasn’t very good at it, hence why Darcy noticed him doing it so easily. She leaned forward again, pulling in a deep breath.

“Whatever it was, I’m sure I could handle hearing about it,” she said, searching his face for some kind of clue, but he was closing off.

Bucky did the same to her so many times she could notice it in other people now, too. He shook his head.

“Buck had a panic attack this mornin’,” he murmured, and Darcy blinked at him.

“What?”

“Don’t repeat that. He hates me tellin’ other people,” he said. “But I know you’d want to know, y’know, in case you talk to him next week.”

“I’m not really talking to Bucky right now,” Darcy said, the words out before she could stop them.

She sighed.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m avoiding him like I am with Annabeth. It’s…”

She felt her face flush. She stared at the label on her beer bottle, its edges beginning to peel off. She picked at it with her nail, sighing again.

“I was pretty drunk on Halloween.”

She glanced at Steve, waiting to see what would happen. She couldn’t stop the dread from seeping in.

“We were all pretty drunk,” he replied eventually.

What did they say about her, when she wasn’t around? _Did_ they talk about her? How would Steve not notice Wanda having a crush on him years ago, when she was so expressive and open? Darcy couldn't believe himor Wanda when they said he was clueless.

“Right,” Darcy said.

Would she choose Steve if she had to choose between them? She really didn’t know. She knew that if in the unlikely event of Bucky asking her to meet her at the bar, she’d probably think about choosing him, too.

“I’ve missed you,” she said, and Steve’s face changed, a little smile forming on his face, but it didn’t seem too happy to her. “I missed you both.”

“I missed you, too,” he said. “School’s been crazy.”

That was true, but it was also an excuse he was giving her. It was like he wanted her to bail on the conversation. Apologizing would probably be overkill.

“We should ask Bucky to come,” she said, and Steve looked surprised. “Seriously. Text him to come down here. I’ll buy him a beer.”

“You haven’t bought me a beer,” Steve replied, grinning.

Darcy mirrored him automatically. “Fine. I’ll buy you both beers.”

She leaned back in her chair, watching as he took out his phone and began to type, firing off a text. Within a couple minutes, there was a reply from Bucky.

“Also, I’m sending you his number, alright?” Steve muttered, and Darcy’s phone lit up with the text he sent. “So you can bother him day and night.”

“ _You_ texted _me_ to come out,” she retorted, but they were both giggling like idiots.

She began to type out a text to Bucky:

**_Come drink with me_ **

She was rewarded with the reply:

**_You buyin_ **

**_?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The slowest of burns! Things under layers and FEELINGS and STUFF. Ugh.
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	20. Part Twenty: Peanut Gallery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you still here?

_Sugar honey iced tea_  
_These bitches don't like me_  
_These bitches wanna fight me_  
_And doin' shit just to spite me_  
**\- "Sugar Honey Ice Tea (S.H.I.T.) by Princess Nokia**

**Part Twenty:**

**Peanut Gallery**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

“What are you thankful for?” Darcy asked.

She was yelling over the music and Bucky frowned, shaking his head with his arms crossed. He leaned toward her and Darcy repeated the question closer to his ear.

He pulled back, brows lifting.

“I am thankful for quiet places.”

He glanced at Steve.

“You wanna get outta here?” Steve yelled, a little too loud, and Darcy began to giggle as Bucky’s lips quirked into an embarrassed half-smile.

Bucky had only been there about fifteen minutes, enough time for Darcy to buy him (and Steve) a drink and ask how his day had been (fine, he said). He returned the hug he gave her when he walked in the door, and Darcy was sure Steve could see how happy she was that she’d managed to convince his best friend to make an appearance.

“Yeah, let’s go!” Darcy yelled, just as loud. She pointed to Steve. “Yours?”

He shrugged, the three of them standing up from their chairs. The sun had set some time ago, the air fresh as Darcy suppressed a shiver in her coat. She glanced at Steve.

“You got beer at your place?”

“You okay to drive?” he retorted.

Darcy shrugged, screwing up her face. “For… _sure_.”

There was a tug at her elbow and she felt Bucky steer her away to his truck and she didn’t protest. She liked this side of him, if she actually admitted it to herself. She liked it when he bossed her around for her own good. He’d only had one drink, and Darcy, though she’d had plenty to eat, would probably not pass a Breathalyzer test.

Though she was thoroughly aware of this not being her car, with the smells and everything – she still played with the radio while Bucky watched her, a crease between his brows. Steve was already leading the way, and Darcy had flipped him off twice already in the few minutes of their journey so far. She settled on a golden oldies station and investigated the glove box in front of her.

“Hey, that’s – you ever heard of privacy?” Bucky grunted, but when she looked at him, his lips were quirking with amusement.

“What’s private about…” Darcy lifted out a knife Rambo might have, its blade almost as long as her forearm. “I mean, maybe it’s better not to wave this around.”

“You’re right, put it back,” he retorted.

“Why do you have this in your car?”

He didn’t answer her, even after she put it away. She began to feel under his seat and found a few pieces of trash, including an empty Skittles package and an empty bottle of pills.

“You found my Valium,” he said, and Darcy realized she might have took it too far, since he probably took it for anxiety.

She shoved the bottle back, swallowing as she tried to think of what to say, since she should start apologizing…

Except when she glanced at Bucky, he was looking back at her in between watching the road, his face open to her. He scratched his beard.

“It’s empty,” she said.

“If you check the date, I’ve had it a couple of years,” he said, gesturing toward the floor beneath her. “Benzodiazepine is a bitch to get off of if you take too much of it for too long –”

“How long have you, I mean, have you -?”

“Have I been taking it a long time?” he cut in, and Darcy nodded dumbly, blindly shoving down her hand to grab the empty bottle again. “Yeah. But I only take it every…”

His face finally changed and he stared straight ahead for several seconds of silence, and then took a breath, adjusting his hand on his steering.

“I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it,” Darcy said, making sure she said it quietly and slow enough for it to not come out as a babble.

“It’s okay,” Bucky said, his voice different, somewhat rougher. “I only take it every few times I have a panic attack. Didn’t take one today.”

He took another breath, a deeper one, and then let it go.

“Steve told you, huh,” he muttered, and Darcy felt her cheeks heat. “You don’t seem shocked.”

“He didn’t want me repeating it,” she said. “I’d never talk about that behind your back.”

“Except you did,” he said, turning on his blinker to change lanes. He sighed. “I know you weren’t gossipin’.”

“Did something else work?” Darcy asked. “I mean, instead of a pill, did something else work?”

“I had to just wait it out,” Bucky said. “Those pills take about fifteen minutes to kick in anyway. I was pacin’. Drivin’ Alpine nuts…”

There was a silence for another couple of minutes while he drove and Darcy waited for him to say more.

“I try groundin’ myself,” he said. “Naming four things I can see. Sometimes a countdown. Nothin’ exactly… works.”

“But it doesn’t hurt?” Darcy added, and he nodded.

“I guess so.”

He sounded pissed off again, so she wasn’t about to try to tell him to be optimistic. She got the feeling it was the last thing he’d want to hear. They were quiet the rest of the drive to Steve’s, and when they walked up together to the apartment with him, the three of them said nothing.

Darcy broke the silence by asking if she’d imagined the gaming console she saw on Halloween, and Steve took out a controller wordlessly and handed it to her.

“What games you got? Pong?”

“Why would I have -? I’m not a dinosaur,” Steve retorted. He handed another controller to Bucky who sat beside Darcy on the couch. “You want a beer or what?”

“Beer _and_ what,” Darcy said, and Steve let out a long sigh, turning away to walk out.

The Play Station’s main menu popped up and Darcy scrolled through to a racing game she’d never heard of, but the graphics were so crystal clear she had to appreciate the effort the programmers went to rendering the precise planes of the cars.

“I’m thankful for beer,” Bucky said, and Darcy grinned at him.

“Yeah, whoever invented it, I hope they got a raise. Though I think it was probably a medieval peasant and it was on accident –”

She chose an obnoxious bright orange Lamborghini while Bucky’s was a subdued, sleek black Aston Martin.

“Medieval peasants discovered magic mushrooms first, too,” she went on, and Bucky chuckled. “Like, they ate all the shrubberies in the lord’s lands during the winter when everything was hibernating. Lean months. Like, fuck the Magna Carta, I would have been _tripping balls_ back then…”

Steve walked in as they began a race in Monaco, his eyes darting to the screen and then back at Darcy, seeing her swerving violently as she was coming dead last.

“Please tell me you don’t drive like this in real life,” he said, putting two beers on the coffee table. He took the arm chair and sipped at his beer.

“When am I gonna get a banana peel?” Darcy asked, instead of answering him.

“This is F1 racing,” Steve said, chuckling. “And when I was in the kitchen, did you say ‘fuck the Magna Carta’?”

“Yeah, fuck it,” she said, and then began to reverse so she was facing the wrong way.

Then she kept reversing, laughing.

“I’m better at this in reverse.”

“Jesus, you _are_ ,” Bucky said, and they were all laughing as Darcy managed to get through the lap by only reversing.

She finally finished the race a few minutes later, while Bucky had been waiting for her the whole time with a mixture of awe and confusion on his face.

“Bitches can’t even _spell_ Grand Prix!” Darcy yelled, hands up when she crossed the finishing line.

Steve promptly took the controller away before she could have another turn, so Darcy picked up her beer and began to boo as he and Bucky started a new race.

Darcy’s booing subsided when she realized they were suddenly super competitive.

“ _Ford vs. Ferrari_ who? _Fast and Furious_ who?”

“Would you pipe down, peanut gallery?” Steve said, and he was overtaken by Bucky because he was distracted. “Fuck!”

“Snooze you lose,” Bucky said quietly, grinning.

Their cars kept slamming into one another and Darcy cackled at Steve’s growing frustration.

“If you take out one of my tyres – _Buck!_ Cut that shit out –”

Bucky managed to push off and beat him to the finish line, and the two of them exchanged a look and Darcy giggled in her chair, sipping her beer.

“Cold-blooded,” Steve accused, pointing at Bucky and then Darcy.

-

Several days later, instead of knocking, Wanda entered the library by singing:

_Just like the white winged dove_

To which Darcy replied:

_Just like the white winged dove_

And then they harmonized badly together:

_Sings a song_

_Sounds like she's singing_

Darcy was glad it was before school and they were relatively alone, but she knew Steve would have heard it from his classroom, considering the look he gave them when he stepped in a couple minutes later.

“I thought you said you’d stop doing that,” he muttered, looking at Wanda specifically.

“Can’t help it. Darcy makes me sing,” she retorted, flashing an easy smile Darcy’s way. “Or would you rather I sang something solemn? A hymn?”

Steve frowned a little, but he smirked. “No…”

Darcy was in the middle of returning books while her friends bickered, until Wanda checked the clock on her phone.

“Darce, you ready for the pitch?”

“Yes!” Darcy said, because she had actually been excited for that morning’s staff meeting.

“What – what pitch is this?” Steve said, glancing at them both.

“Feel left out because I know a secret you don’t, Steeb?” Wanda teased. “A little jealous, maybe?”

“Jealous of what? If it’s a pitch, it’d be another thing on my giant list of shit to do,” Steve muttered, but he was frowning now, leaning against the desk with his chin in his hand, his sweater sleeves bunched up like paws as he studied Darcy’s face.

“Keep it a surprise, for optimum effect,” Wanda said, and Darcy nodded.

“Come on, no hint?”

“The meeting is in ten minutes, you can wait,” Darcy retorted coolly, which only made Steve scoff.

He pushed off the desk.

“Fine. See you soon, Stevies.”

He walked off and Wanda grinned at Darcy again.

“He’s so jealous. I love seeing him be a grumpy old bear,” she said. “Not that it takes much…”

They walked together to the staff room, and to Darcy’s surprise, Annabeth was with Flo sitting and waiting for the meeting to begin. Darcy tried to not stare, but she felt the shift in the air, like the air was taut with the knowledge that there was their rivalry Annabeth had managed to push aside.

Darcy didn’t trust it. She was still checking her cameras daily as well, and she’d made Bucky, Steve and Wanda all swear not to tell a soul about her poor excuse for a security system. She wondered why Annabeth decided _today_ to show her face again.

The meeting itself was mostly a blur, since Darcy was anticipating the drama department updates the entire time. Maria was done nodding at something Sister Martha was saying when she turned to Wanda and said:

“Okay, Wanda. Have you decided what the Spring play is going to be for the senior classes?”

“Yes, I have!” Wanda said, grinning. She cleared her throat, glancing at Darcy beside her for a couple seconds. “I’ve been asking around for ideas and Darcy has come up with something that’s really interesting. It will bring the library and the theatre together, creating more community-based activities within Sacred Heart.”

At the mention of Darcy, Annabeth crossed her arms and Darcy chose to ignore it, shifting her eyes back to Wanda as she went on.

“We will begin pre-production for _Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland_ this week.”

She looked around as this news sunk in. Steve smiled at them, nodding. This probably sounded less dreary than a Shakespeare tragedy. _King Lear_ was last year’s Spring production and Wanda regretted it deeply when she told Darcy about her ideas. It hadn’t been her decision last year.

“Darcy was hoping to have the library run special little events, fundraisers and stuff like that. The… broken window from earlier in November, for example,” Wanda said, and Darcy nodded. “We want to ease some of the school’s expenses.”

“By… decorating the library and putting on an expensive production?” Annabeth said.

Everyone looked at her and she pushed up her glasses, shrugging.

“Where will the money come from, if not the budget?”

“We can stretch things, we can get the kids to chip in,” Wanda said, her voice sounding less sweet.

“I’m a little concerned, too,” Bruce said, and Darcy was surprised at him. He held up a hand. “I’m all for the Spring play. But the labs need new equipment, and we’re putting, what, several thousand dollars into sets?”

“We haven’t signed off on anything yet,” Darcy said. “We don’t have estimates or anything, and we can improvise. There’s Goodwill –”

“We have the basement and Bucky’s got enough gear,” Wanda added, nodding at Darcy. “Maria, we can do this.”

“We’ll talk about this in more detail at a later time,” Maria said, and Wanda’s eyes widened.

“What am I meant to tell my classes when they ask me what we’re doing for the next two weeks before break? I can’t just tell them to sit around when they could be learning their scenes and painting sets.”

“Wanda, I understand that –”

“The library can help bolster production,” Darcy said, cutting Maria off, and she turned slightly in her chair to get out her laptop and open it. She had her Excel spreadsheet at the ready, with several different ideas. “We have bake sales, for instance. What about expanding that?”

Annabeth scoffed and Lois looked similarly disgusted beside her, like Darcy had just spat on the carpet in front of them.

Darcy shut her laptop and pushed it aside because Wanda gently touched her knee. Maria looked around the room.

“I know that we would like to have the things we had last year, but we will have to consider every aspect of each new project that Sacred Heart wishes to take on.”

Annabeth put up her hand but didn’t wait to be called on to speak. “The first graders are already in the middle of their Christmas production –”

“It’s the same thing every year,” Wanda snapped, her face pinched. “Nat, back me up.”

Natasha, who hadn’t said a word over the last thirty minutes, tilted her head slightly to the side and shrugged a shoulder. Wanda slumped a little at her attitude, which seemed to only encourage Annabeth.

“Darcy, what you’re doing essentially is trying to involve yourself in things you don’t have any experience with,” she said, and Darcy’s eyes swung to meet hers. Annabeth eyes narrowed slightly and she brought her hands together as if to say _Namaste_ any second now. “You’re essentially pretending to be a librarian teacher, when you’re a tech and have no expertise on teaching, let alone budgeting a school production. Isn’t that what you’re doing?”

Darcy stared at her, feeling her cheeks burn but keeping her face blank.

“Isn’t that what you’re doing?” Annabeth repeated, as if to prompt her. “Isn’t that what you’re doing? Isn’t that what you’re _doing_? _Isn’t_ that what you’re doing?”

“Y-Yes,” Darcy said finally, and she finally breathed, nodding.

Steve leaned forward.

“Annabeth, that’s uncalled for.”

“Stop focusing on me behaving inappropriately,” Annabeth retorted, glaring at him. “And look more closely at your friends. You _always_ give them a pass. I’m always the bad guy.”

Everyone watched as she sucked in a breath, standing up abruptly before walking out. The silence that fell after made Darcy’s stomach twist.

She felt like the eldest kid who was the first to be allowed to sit at the grown-ups table. She wondered if everyone else felt the same way about her, and the way that her eyes were collecting tears wasn’t helping that image.

She got up and walked out, keeping her head down.

She managed to reach the library and pressed up against the door she managed to lock in her hurry, and stared up at the ceiling as she began to blubber.

She covered her mouth, unable to keep the sobs inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	21. Part Twenty One: Alice Is On!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some more, I want to give you some good feelings. Love you. Take care of yourself. ❤
> 
> P.S. I made a [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw) for the songs featured in this fic.

_Do you wanna be my baby?_  
_Are you waiting to touch me?_  
_You look so good, but I keep my hands_  
**\- "Come into the Water" by Mitski**

**Part Twenty One:**

**Alice Is On!**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Maria’s fingers were drumming on the desk as Darcy showed her each printout of the plans she’d written for each component of the _Alice_ production. Darcy had the feeling that she’d make a pretty good serial killer, not that she’d advertise that. She was meticulous when she needed to be, to such a degree that leaders appreciated it immensely, and Maria was no exception.

Darcy liked disappearing and coming back to impress people. She considered perhaps the last few months since she got dumped was like a comeback of sorts, but only she would notice the full phoenix rising from the ashes experience.

“So, can I tell my senior classes this is happening?” Wanda asked.

She was smiling eagerly and nodding as she said this, trying to encourage Maria to do the same. The acting principal dropped the papers on her desk once more and looked from Wanda to Darcy.

“Yes, but –”

Wanda and Darcy were already clapping and cheering, which was certain to be heard from the front office, but Darcy didn’t care.

“- you use this as a guideline, do you understand? If you can beg or borrow, do it.”

Darcy grinned, mimicking Wanda.

“I can squeeze a penny until it’s under my skin, ma’am,” she said, laughing. “We’ll go to Goodwill and ask the kids to bring stuff from home, we’ll unearth the crap in the basement –”

Maria put up a hand. “Go, get out of here.”

Wanda and Darcy got up hastily and dashed out, giggling with their hands joined, nearly smacking straight into Lois who took them in with raised eyebrows.

“ _Alice_ is on, Lois!” burst Wanda, and Lois’ eyes swung to Maria’s door.

Darcy felt her confidence begin to waver. It happened more often since the last staff meeting a few days ago. She managed to piece herself back together after sobbing in the library when she stormed off, but she hadn’t spoken about it to anyone, not even Wanda. All they’d done was put aside some time with Maria for a second appeal.

By the way Lois was staring at Darcy now, she was sure Annabeth was on her mind. Darcy walked out before she could continue the conversation, hearing Lois begin congratulating Wanda as she left the front office area to walk down the corridor to the library.

She did her morning set up, returned books and checked the schedule for any literacy classes she’d be sitting in. Hope was coming by after lunch, but her day was relatively quiet on the library front. She thought about investigating the basement beneath the theater when she heard a knock on the door after the first bell went.

Tia Rothschild walked in, grinning from ear to ear. She smelt of something sweet and artificial, some body spray that triggered memories of middle school locker rooms. Tia was probably a cheerleader a few years ago back in Vegas. She was dressed in the same Juicy Couture track pants but she wore fluffy boots and a matching coat that made her resemble a snow bunny. Darcy remembered Tia saying her husband preferred to stay home with her, and it was no wonder. She came over to the circulation desk and Darcy smiled back at her.

“Hi, Darcy,” she said, her hand delving into her handbag, a fluorescent pink Birkin that matched her nails perfectly. She took out a couple books and handed them over. “Teddy forgot these last week. I mean, I forgot them. I can’t expect him to remember anything, poor baby.”

“Thanks,” Darcy replied, taking them and beginning to scan them. “Uh. Teddy’s got a couple fines, actually, if you wanted to pay them now –”

“Oh! Yeah,” Tia babbled, taking out a purse and producing her credit card, and then she looked down at it. “Wait. No, I think I have cash…”

She had plenty, the notes spilling everywhere in her handbag. Darcy could see she’d flown anything and everything in her bag, including a packet of Goldfish.

“It’s three dollars,” Darcy said, and Tia handed her three notes.

While Darcy processed the transaction, Tia leaned forward, dropping her voice.

“I heard a rumor you were going to be co-director of the play the eighth graders do?”

Darcy’s lips parted and she shook her head.

“Helping, I guess. How’d you hear about that?”

“This mommy group on Facebook. I don’t think I’m supposed to tell anyone about it, but… I don’t know if –”

She hesitated.

“Annabeth runs it, she let me join after I married Bob… I think she forgot I’m still in it.”

Darcy wondered what had been said about her and the play, and she probably didn’t have to stretch her imagination by the way Tia bit her lip.

“Annabeth wasn’t happy at the meeting. I don’t think a lot of the staff like me here.”

Tia’s brows hiked. “What? Why? You’re really nice to me, and no-one likes _me_ …”

Darcy felt a little guilty. She was at work and she was complaining to a parent about issues she should push aside. The children were the important elements here. She shrugged a little.

“You heading out? I can walk you.”

“Sure,” Tia said with another grin.

They were talking about Tia’s eyelashes as they walked out of the library, since Darcy was fascinated by them. They clearly weren’t real but they were stunning nonetheless.

“They’re great because I just brush ‘em up and the fuckers – whoops, the _things_ stay fluffy,” Tia said, reddening a little. “Oh, is that the janitor?”

Darcy’s said whipped toward the window and she saw Bucky outside, walking toward the front door. He had a hammer stuck down the front of his jeans, his hands full with other materials.

“Look at that hammer,” Tia whispered, and Darcy glanced at her, seeing her plush lip between her teeth as she grinned at Bucky through the glass. “Wonder what he can do with _that_ …”

Darcy giggled with her, covering her mouth as Bucky came to the back door and stepped inside, his eyes darting between them.

“Ladies,” he said, and he walked past them down the corridor.

Tia nudged Darcy, murmuring:

“You and him…?”

Darcy felt her face flush, certain Bucky would have heard her.

“Uh, no,” she said, shaking her head.

Tia pouted. “Oh, well. I keep telling myself, I have to think like Mr Potato Head.”

Darcy’s brows furrowed in confusion and Tia burst out laughing.

“When he says, ‘I’m a married spud, I’m a married spud’!”

Darcy began to laugh with her and Tia rolled her eyes.

“No, I think Bob’s enough for me,” she said. She was distracted for a few seconds before they began to walk again back toward the front office.

Darcy waved goodbye as she walked through without her, Flo looking their way. Darcy turned her heel and walked back down the corridor.

She made sure she stomped her feet a little as she went into the theater, seeing Bucky crouched by the pile of wooden planks he’d collected. He turned to look at her and Darcy gave a little smile.

“You seem as excited as me for _Alice_ ,” she said, walking closer.

Bucky stood up, putting the hammer in Darcy’s hand.

“Wanda told me you got it, so this is for the rugrats when they get started on props and shit,” he muttered. He cleared his throat. “But congratulations, it’ll be good.”

“Will you come opening night?” she asked, and he shook his head.

“Probably not. Not great with… crowds.”

She nodded, looking away, pointing toward the stage.

“Wanda said there’s the basement with the older stuff we can use.”

“Yeah, I got a key,” Bucky said.

They walked over and he took out his key ring laden with a bunch of keys that all looked alike. He picked out one with a purple mark on its top and bent down to unlock the padlock under the lip of the stage. Darcy watched as he opened the door that was hidden away next to a fire extinguisher. He felt around inside and a light flickered on and he ducked inside, Darcy behind him.

“Fuck, it’s freezing down here,” Darcy blurted, and Bucky let out a short laugh.

“Yeah. No radiators…”

There was junk piled everywhere, sheets strewn over furniture, broken pieces of wood and racks of costumes in dry cleaning bags against one wall. The inventory seemed endless. Darcy heard a squeak and glanced down.

Something small skittered across the floor across her shoe and she jumped back, screeching:

“Rat!”

It disappeared somewhere to the left and Bucky watched it leave, untroubled.

“Ain’t a rat. It’s a mouse,” he murmured. “Probably has friends.”

“God, don’t say that,” Darcy said, clutching her chest. The thought of finding more little furry friends made her shudder. “I mean, obviously if there’s one there’s more, but don’t _say_ that…”

“I’ll get rid of ‘em as soon as possible,” Bucky said, and she met his gaze, seeing he was serious. He pointed at something and Darcy’s eyes swung to something covered in a sheet. “You’ll wanna see a couple things before you run outta here, though.”

Darcy nodded, and Bucky moved toward the sheet and tugged it away, dust flying in the low light, and the musty smell was multiplied. An arch was revealed, covered in fake green vines and flowers. It seemed to be in good condition and Darcy’s eyes widened. She handed the hammer back to Bucky wordlessly and moved toward the arch, touching the elaborate, twisting plastic vines.

“Oh, this is perfect for some of the Chesire Cat scenes…”

She was aware of her audience and stepped back, nodding.

“Thanks. I’ll get out now before Stuart Little’s buddies come out.”

She turned away and Bucky said:

“They’re more scared of you than you are of them.”

“I seriously doubt that, Buck,” she called, and she heard his chuckle in return.

-

Darcy picked up a shirt on the rack and held it aloft, and Steve made a face.

“What, you like blue,” she said. “Who doesn’t like blue?”

“I don’t wear polos,” he retorted. “Why would he?”

She’d been with him in the men’s clothing department at the mall for only ten minutes and she already could sense just how draining it was going to be to help him shop. She put the shirt back and sighed.

“You can’t drag me out here and pretend like it’s my fault we’re doing this,” she said, folding her arms. “I could be at Goodwill right now. Or Jo-Ann. Or even better, I could be in bed right now –”

“That’s not what I wanna hear,” Steve muttered, and Darcy made an incredulous sound.

“ _Sleeping_ , obviously.”

Steve picked up a baseball cap from a mannequin and shoved it on his head, narrowing his eyes at Darcy.

“But, like, picture Buck’s face wearin’ this,” he said, and Darcy shook her head.

“Is he a hat person? Or does he just wear that same cap all the time?”

Steve pulled the hat off, running a hand over his hair. “Yeah. He just likes that one. He keeps wearin’ clothes with holes in ‘em.”

“Does he mind?” Darcy said.

“Obviously not,” Steve muttered.

Darcy thought about the male friends she’d had in her life, and usually they didn’t worry about dressing one another except if it was for a wedding or spring break. It wasn’t so much alarm bells going off at this point but more another nagging thought that kept coming to the front of Darcy’s mind.

Were Steve and Bucky dating?

“Does it bother you when he wears that shit with you in public?” Darcy asked, and Steve made a face.

“Of course not.”

“Then why all this?” Darcy asked, waving a hand.

A sales clerk that was circling them met her gaze and she flashed a smile, shaking her head at them.

“We’re okay, thank you,” she called. She glared at Steve. “I _could_ be sleeping my Saturday away. I could have my hands wrapped around a cup of coffee _in bed_ , Steve.”

She even demonstrated the motion, aware that she was being dramatic, but instead of laughing at her, Steve frowned.

“I hadn’t seen you in a little while,” he murmured. “I’m sorry.”

Darcy’s lips parted. He surprised her with his bluntness. She reached for him, taking hold of his hand and threaded their fingers together.

“Why are you sorry?” she asked, stepping a little closer.

He was looking at their hands.

“With Annabeth, and… I should have run after you.”

“Probably would’ve pushed you away. I was embarrassed,” she muttered, smiling weakly.

Steve nodded, swallowing. “Yeah, but… shoulda tried to fix it.”

“Not your job,” she said.

He didn’t seem convinced. He leaned toward her and Darcy froze, unsure of what he was about to do. His lips were level with her ear and he whispered:

“There’s this guy staring at you in the sports coats section.”

Darcy turned her head and saw Patrick across the floor, his eyes ducking down to the rack in front of him. Darcy turned back and almost collided with Steve in the process.

“Holy shit, that’s my old boss.”

Steve’s face creased and he stood up straighter, watching Patrick with narrowed eyes. He looked down at Darcy.

“That’s the prick who tried to start somethin’?”

“Hey, hey –”

Darcy put a hand on his arm, pushing him back.

“Nothing happened. We kissed, he – he put his hand up my skirt, but I… I wanted it to happen. I just didn’t go along with it in the end,” she said. The words were a jumble but she was sure that Steve understood her by how his face changed.

She turned again to watch Patrick with him. Every happy moment she could remember from the podiatry clinic had now been cheapened by the final night in his office. She knew she was a hypocrite, since she’d been attracted to him the entire time she’d worked there, too. But at least she’d never tried to have sex with him at work.

“He’s married,” Darcy added eventually.

Steve blinked a couple times as the new information sunk in.

“He’s comin’ over.”

Darcy felt her cheeks flush as she realized he wasn’t joking to get a rise out of her. Patrick bit the bullet and put up a hand, walking over to them, an awkward smile on his face.

“Hello,” he said. “Christmas shopping?”

“Yeah. Yeah,” Darcy said. “How are things?”

She noticed by looking down at the bags he was carrying in his left hand that he wasn’t wearing his wedding band. She stared for several seconds as he answered her:

“Oh, well. Big changes, but – I was hoping we could talk?”

Steve, who hadn’t said a word, stepped a little closer to Darcy and slipped an arm around her waist and Darcy felt her heart in her throat, reaching out to touch his stomach in turn to steady herself. She could feel the hard muscle of his midsection even over the layer of his thick flannel shirt.

“Sure, we can catch up,” Darcy said.

Steve pressed a kiss to her forehead and she gestured to Patrick and then back to him, laughing nervously.

“Patrick, this is Steven.”

Patrick looked surprised, but he was better at concealing his disappointment if he had any, offering his hand to Steve without hesitation.

“Nice to meet you,” he said, and Steve shook his hand.

“You’re the foot doctor,” Steve replied, and Patrick flashed his perfect teeth and Steve did the same.

“What do you do?”

“Artist,” Darcy jumped in. She felt a sudden paranoia that somehow this charade would get back to the Mom Squad.

“Wow,” Patrick said. He sounded genuine enough for Darcy to smile back at him.

He and Darcy chatted for a couple more minutes. Casey had been promoted to office manager, and she was currently training two more girls as receptionists.

“The Archive’s a mess, though,” Patrick added. He looked at Steve. “She organized your library at home yet?”

“No,” Steve said, looking down at Darcy with a fondness that made her stomach flip, his lip curling. “Maybe you can do that later when we get back…”

He was staring at her mouth and Darcy swallowed, feeling the heat pooling below her stomach, and Patrick cleared his throat, causing Darcy’s eyes to snap to his.

“Lovely to see you,” she said, and he nodded.

“Bye, Darcy.”

He walked on and Darcy stared after him, Steve’s arm still wrapped firmly around her waist. She looked up again and she saw his eyes were darker, his pupils dilated, and Darcy took a breath.

“Is this Christmas shopping for Bucky?” she whispered.

Mentioning their friend seemed to snap him out of whatever trance he was in, and he released her, nodding, pressing his lips together.

“I’ll buy you a cup of coffee after this,” he said, as they began to move around the shirts again, browsing the options. “With whatever _one_ obnoxious holiday cake pop you want.”

“Boo. I wanted unlimited cake pops,” Darcy said, exaggerating her gloom.

Their eyes met again and Steve tilted his head.

“I’m your artist boyfriend?”

“Yeah, body paint,” Darcy retorted, blushing despite her joking tone. She did a twirl, winking. “You’re not even wearing clothes right now.”

Steve burst into a smile that reached his eyes and Darcy thought it was all worth it, all the annoying crap that went with shopping with him, just because he smiled at her like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture Patrick Wilson per Podiatrist Patrick, pls
> 
>   
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	22. Part Twenty Two: Auditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I don't feel as if I'm trying SUPER HARD to make you insane from the UST. I think we're a few parts away from A KISS but I won't say who it's with or WHY it happens, so hang on? Please?

_Because lately I've come to find_  
_That all I want is one incredible waste of time_  
_It's so easy_  
_Warm and light_  
_And I'm feeling_  
_Happy cause I know our song_  
_Will go on and on and on_  
_This waste of time_  
**\- "Waste of Time" by Alex the Astronaut**

**Part Twenty Two:**

**Auditions**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Darcy dipped her brush in the pink paint and began to move it across the clay in precise, even strokes, narrowing her eyes to maintain concentration.

“Sure that’s safe, since you’re shaking from the caffeine spike you’re experiencing?” Steve said from his desk.

She was sitting at one of the tables in his otherwise empty classroom, mid-morning on the Monday after their shopping trip together. They only managed to agree on socks, and then Darcy bought a black velvet bow with a clip on its back from Claire’s.

She sensed his irony and smirked, keeping her eyes on the prize. Someone had left this little clay creation sometime last year and never claimed it. Steve had held onto it and intended to finally throw it out when Darcy jumped at the opportunity to paint it. It was a wonky teddy bear, its head too small for its body, its limbs cracking around the edges, its claws too fragile to possibly survive the kiln when it finally got stuck in it when Darcy was done painting.

“I’m doing just fine,” she replied, glancing up when she’d finished daubing a paw. “What was your title in your last job?”

Steve frowned at her sudden change of subject and he looked down at his paper for a second as if he’d forgotten temporarily.

“Uh, captain,” he said.

“Aye- _aye_ , Captain,” Darcy said, saluting with one hand and dipping into more paint with the other.

“I wasn’t in the Navy,” Steve muttered, shaking his head with his eyes on his paper. He rubbed his face with a hand and sighed.

“Oh Captain, my Captain…”

“Stop,” he said mildly, closing his eyes. “What we’re _not_ gonna do is have you verbally abusing me.”

“You get more Brooklyn depending on how tired you are,” Darcy said, and he glanced her way, a grumpy expression forming. “Or pissed off… So, you were a _Seren_.”

“What’s that?” he said.

“Captain in the Israeli Defense Force.”

“I wasn’t that, either,” Steve said. “I thought you were Polish.”

“I know all about Israel from Jane,” she said, resuming her painting. “Her father served, her mom was born in the U.S.”

“Jane’s the one you wanted to set up with Sam, right?” Steve said, and Darcy gave him a look.

“Yes. You knew that already,” she muttered. Her brow lifted. “You ought to get in line, though. I heard she met someone.”

“She met someone?” Steve repeated. “Interesting concept. That would mean having free time…”

“She doesn’t really,” Darcy said, laughing a little.

Jane had called her yesterday mid-afternoon with the news that she’d met a guy. He sounded like a total dreamboat.

Darcy kept laughing and Steve stared at her, watching as she pressed her face into the table eventually, coming up for air and sighing.

“What was in your coffee, Darcy?” Steve asked, nodding at her empty travel mug.

“I’m laughing because… she said she hit him with her car.”

“What?” Steve said.

“She took him to the hospital and he asked for her _phone number_ ,” Darcy went on, breathless from her mounting giggles. “And before you ask, no, he did not get a concussion.”

“Jesus, and they say romance is dead,” Steve said, beginning to laugh in disbelief.

When he eventually stopped laughing, he was clutching his stomach as Darcy was finishing up the next part she was painting.

“What do you think? I might use it as a prop.”

“Maybe some depth with a little darker – what am I sayin’, no-one will give a shit…”

“What about glitter?” Darcy said.

“Not very Victorian,” Steve muttered, finally picking up his pen again.

“It’s not going to be historically accurate or whatever,” Darcy retorted, scoffing. “There’s the fucking Jabberwocky for crying out loud…”

She got up from her seat, glancing around the shelf behind her, seeing no sign of glitter. She walked over to Steve’s desk, and he glanced up again.

“Can I help you?”

She flapped a hand at him and he pushed back in his swivel chair as Darcy ducked to open one of his desk drawers.

“Those are confiscated.”

“You’d confiscate _glitter_ from your students?” Darcy said with mock outrage, standing up again with a little container of Martha Stewart brand glitter pieces in varying pastel shades. “And you were an Army captain? I’m seeing a pattern here…”

“What kind of pattern?” he drawled, watching as she walked back to her table. “I don’t like that you’re implying I’m some type o’ dictator.”

“Steven, your Irish is rising,” Darcy sing-songed, and Steve let out a short laugh.

“I thought I was Brooklyn when I was pissed off,” he muttered.

“Ain’t that the same thing?” Darcy said with a grin, and he gestured toward the door.

“Y’know, you can just leave –”

“No,” Darcy said, drawing out the word. “I’m running out the clock before lunch. And since I’ve already had two coffees this hour, I’m getting thrills elsewhere.”

“It thrills you to be a pain in my ass?” Steve said, and she shrugged.

She looked down at the glitter, contemplating it.

“Do I bother glazing this and then stick on the glitter, or do I just keep it matte with glitter on top?” she muttered. “Do I bother, that is always the most important question…”

“There’s glaze behind you. I’ll put it in the kiln for you if you be quiet for a few minutes,” Steve said, not looking to look up from his paper he was grading. “You nervous about auditions?”

“No,” Darcy said, getting up to grab a pot of glaze, opening it to sniff it carefully out of curiosity. “Should I be nervous? I’m not.”

“I wasn’t implying…” Steve began, and he let out a sigh. “I’ll drop it. I’m wrecked, I can’t argue with another person today.”

Darcy grabbed a fresh brush and set to work, waiting for Steve to add to his story, but he didn’t. She stared at him for several seconds until he said:

“What.”

“Teacher-related? Student-related? Maybe… personal life-related?”

“You’re as big a gossip as the rest of ‘em,” Steve muttered, but he was smirking at her, shaking his head. He pushed aside his paper and got up from his desk, coming over to her side of the room.

He grabbed his own brush and sat beside her, dipping into the glaze to help her.

“You really have to cover it,” he said.

“Is it Bucky?” Darcy asked, her voice lower.

Steve was working faster than her, his eyes on the clay bear.

“Thought he wouldn’t mind comin’ out for once,” he muttered. “The first grade nativity scene. He never has, but since…”

“Since what?” Darcy asked, watching the side of his face.

Steve had a jawline for days. She thought about pressing her lips to it often enough. There, and definitely the space behind his ear.

“Since you,” he said. “Should’ve seen his face when he told me he’d fixed the mice problem.”

Darcy fought and lost the urge to smile at that, feeling herself blush. She swallowed.

“Hope he didn’t snap them in those old-timey traps.”

“Nah, he baited these metal cage ones,” Steve said, sounding amused.

“Then what?” Darcy asked. “Did he set them free?”

When Steve nodded, her eyes widened.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, he hates killing things,” Steve said.

Darcy saw his face fall and she felt a twist in her guts, sensing she’d hit something already tender. She stopped painting the glaze on and watched Steve, seeing his jaw clench.

“You wanna know why,” Steve said eventually, and she could hear he was tired, if the lines under his eyes weren’t enough to give him away.

“I don’t have to,” Darcy said, touching his arm. “Not my business.”

“I, uh,” Steve said. “I…”

He stared at the opposite wall for a few seconds, the clay teddy bear forgotten. He sucked in a breath and shook his head.

“Only joined the Army ‘cause of him,” he said. “Since we were kids, he looked after me. I was so scrawny and sick all the time, always gettin’ into fights…”

“Did you start them?” Darcy whispered, and he ducked his head, chuckling.

“Yeah. Then Buck would get into it…”

He sounded a little irritated with his past self.

“Then he got the idea, outta nowhere. I was goin’ to art school, doing a summer class, and he said he was going to train. Go to the Middle East.”

Steve swallowed.

“So I joined.”

The silence between them felt heavy, but Darcy didn’t want to push him in either direction. If he said nothing else on the subject, she’d have to accept that. Steve, like Bucky, was not one for divulging a lot about his life.

“You don’t like the past,” Darcy whispered.

The looked at her, a small half-life forming.

“Understatement.”

“Sorry, I sound like a jackass,” Darcy muttered. She shook her head. “I’m insensitive. I… babble, I act like everything’s a big drama.”

Steve watched her go on and on, rolling her eyes at herself.

“I can’t act like I have any idea what I’m doing. Ninety-nine percent of the time, I don’t. And I know it’s not just me. Most, if not all women feel that way. Girls, too.”

She looked at him again.

“Steve, I…”

 _Ask him. Ask him about Bucky._ She pictured him pushing off from the table and walking away, never speaking to her again. If she was wrong, he could be offended that she interpreted a close friendship as being something romantic, implying two men couldn’t be close without having that dynamic.

If she was right, then what? She’d have to file away these feelings, because that’s what they were. Not just a little crush like Patrick had been. She wanted to know everything about these two men, and she’d been putting off knowing the truth.

“What is it?” he asked, and she saw he’d grown concerned.

The questions swam around but she lost her courage, shaking her head.

“It’s nothing. I was just gonna say, I hope we can convince him to do something before winter break, at least,” she said.

Steve smirked. “If the alcohol’s free, maybe.”

-

Darcy and Wanda sat in their foldable chairs, each holding a clipboard with copies of the sign-up sheet Wanda had hung outside the theatre outside for the last few days.

There was a long line backstage of students waiting to audition, but the stage was empty, the lights beaming down as Darcy exchanged a glance with Wanda. It sounded like it was getting a little rowdy out of sight.

“We’re gonna get started, so everyone practice some _darn manners_ and we’ll get this underway! Okay?”

Wanda waited, even put a hand to her ear to cup it.

“I said, okay?!”

“Yes, Miss Maximoff!”

“And?”

“Yes, Miss Lewis!”

Wanda flashed Darcy a grin, her fierce, no-nonsense teacher façade gone.

“Okay. Let’s go. Who’s first?”

By the end of the lunch period, several decisions were made easily. Others were less certain, especially with Tommy Rumlow sauntered out onto the stage. Though Darcy had expected it since she’d read the sign-up sheet several times, she still wasn’t used to seeing him, so bold as he stood in the middle of the stage.

“Who are you reading for, Tommy?” Wanda asked, because he hadn’t specified.

“Mad Hatter.”

“You don’t say,” Wanda said, smirking a little. “Okay. Start when you’re ready.”

“Can I just say that I am loving the view,” he called, and Darcy’s eyes snapped to his. “This is like, my perfect audience. Except maybe with Ariana Grande in the mix.”

“Thanks,” Wanda deadpanned. “When you’re ready, Tommy. Unless you wanna take that charm elsewhere?”

He held up and hand, nodding.

To Darcy’s annoyance, he was really good. In fact, they’d be stupid to pick any of the previous kids. He managed to push it just far enough that it didn’t become hammy, and his expressions had Darcy glancing at Wanda, wondering if she felt the same way.

“Thanks, Tommy,” Darcy said. It was the only thing she’d said to him in weeks, since she called him a ‘fucking idiot’ in the parking lot.

He walked off with a grin that was so much like his father’s, and once they were alone, Darcy dropped her voice.

“It’s him, right? We have to pick him,” she said.

“Unless some other kid in the list knocks it out of the park,” Wanda said, nodding. She looked a little exasperated, glancing down at her list. “No-one else is auditioning for it. He’s the last one…”

“Fuck, we _can’t_ , though,” Darcy said. “He’ll be an asshole.”

“If he’s an asshole, he’ll be pulled out of the play and he won’t get to show off,” Wanda countered. “The same if he acts out of line during school time. He got taken out of the nativity play in first grade, if the story’s true.”

“Really?” Darcy said. “What the hell did he do?”

“I dunno. I don’t wanna know,” Wanda muttered. She underlined his name with her biro. “Let’s think it over. Maybe tell him the conditions. If he tries to sabotage anything, he’ll have an understudy.”

Wanda didn’t sound like she needed to think it over. It sounded already decided.

Darcy gave a sigh, glancing at the ceiling.

“Who’s next?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve has demons, too, so jot that down
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	23. Part Twenty Three: Full Elf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is dumb and short but I hope you like it just the same. ❤
> 
> Picture new character Kelly as played by Zoe Kravitz.

_Everything I have to look forward to_  
 _Has a pretty painful and very imposing before_  
\- **"O' Sailor" by Fiona Apple**

**Part Twenty Three:**

**Full Elf**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Darcy stopped abruptly as she shut the library door behind her, finding Chelsea Romano sitting beside it on the carpet.

Darcy could see she was sniffling and staring at her lap, her legs crossed as she hunched over. Darcy crouched, reaching to touch her little shoulder.

“Chelsea, what are you doing here, honey?” she whispered. “You can’t be inside all by yourself, we want to keep an eye on everyone.”

It was recess and Darcy was heading to the staff room for more coffee.

“I don’t feel well. My tummy,” Chelsea mumbled.

“Did you go to the bathroom?” Darcy asked. “Did you see the nurse?”

Chelsea shook her head. “It doesn’t hurt. I’m sad.”

Darcy had heard about how Chelsea was going by overhearing her teacher talking to other staff over breaks, and none of it was good. It was getting harder to make Chelsea participate or respond. Darcy wondered why she was in school at all, but then she heard she’d been sick last year and missed a lot of days and her family didn’t want to repeat that particular drama. It made Darcy’s heart ache for her, and seeing her cry all alone in the corridor made it that much worse.

“Come with me, okay? We’re going to the staff room.”

Chelsea’s eyes widened slightly but she still took Darcy’s offered hand, and they walked down the corridor. When they got to the staff room, there were several teachers sitting around. Bruce turned his head at one point and spotted them both.

“Hey, Chelsea,” he called.

“She’s being my special helper,” Darcy said, since Chelsea seemed too shy to say anything with so many adults staring at her. “We’re gonna have hot chocolate.”

Steve was sitting at the table and sat up a little straighter, his conversation with Natasha cut short.

“ _Hot chocolate_? I’m jealous.”

“Mr Rogers can make his own,” Darcy stage-whispered to Chelsea.

The little girl’s lips quirked in a self-conscious smile. Darcy set to work, getting mugs and spoons, taking out the mixture from the cupboard. It was Wanda’s stash, but she’d been told repeatedly she was welcome to have some whenever she wanted. Darcy saw no sign of Wanda now since she was on yard duty that day.

Darcy picked up both mugs and they walked out together again, walking back to the library. Darcy unlocked the door and they walked inside.

“We’ll go upstairs and read.”

Chelsea nodded. When they settled on the floor with a copy of _Bamboozled_ , an optical illusion picture book, Chelsea seemed to perk up in between sips of her drink as Darcy let her stare at the pictures as long as she wanted.

There was a knock downstairs and Darcy frowned.

“This is a private session, who could be calling?” she whispered to Chelsea, who grinned.

“Mr Rogers?”

“I hope not. He’s a pain in my tush,” Darcy said, pushing up from the floor with a groan. “Ugh, my old lady knees…”

She wandered down the stairs, taking two at a time, and opened the door. Her eyebrows hiked.

Bucky stood with Ricky in the background, flailing his arms around like a windmill. Bucky’s eyes fell to Darcy’s stockinged feet. She left her shoes upstairs with Chelsea.

“Steve said something about you takin’ helpers?” Bucky asked, and Darcy smiled at him.

“Of course. I need apprentices…”

She took it as an excuse to touch Bucky’s arm to crane her head around to look at Ricky.

“Hey, buddy, you wanna come inside where it’s quiet?”

Ricky dropped his arms and nodded wordlessly. His face had gone blank. He moved to duck inside and Bucky gave a muted smile.

“Thanks, for this.”

“It’s fine, the more invalids the better,” she whispered.

She turned to leave and she felt him reach out and squeeze her hand and Darcy froze, whipping her head back to stare and she felt the heat rise in her cheeks.

“You comin’ to the Christmas play?” he asked, voice low. She couldn’t ignore the hint of hope in his tone.

“Yeah,” she breathed, and then cleared her throat to compose herself. “Should be good.”

“Okay, maybe I’ll stop by, then,” he said. He let go of her, balling his hand into a fist. “See you around.”

Darcy watched him leave. At the last second as he was ducking outside again, he glanced at her and rose his eyebrows. She couldn’t keep straight-faced and snorted, covering her mouth with her hand as he disappeared.

She walked Ricky up the stairs and Chelsea glanced up with a frown. She most likely knew of Ricky but hadn’t met him officially.

“Ricky’s gonna sit with us,” Darcy said to Chelsea, who was starting at Ricky.

He’d taken out his Matchbox car and held in his hand, too distracted to pay Chelsea any attention. Darcy touched his shoulder.

“You good?”

He nodded and then plonked himself on the floor at her feet. Darcy proceeded to sit with Chelsea once more and they continued their reading while Ricky lay on the carpet, running his car in a long line slowly, over and over.

Later that day, Darcy’s thoughts kept going back to Bucky, even when they were gathering the senior drama kids together in the theatre to announce the cast list.

They decided to have Tommy Rumlow, though it was probably a bad idea. Once the cast was called out, they went back to working on set pieces.

Wanda and Darcy were circling the group of kids, supervising. Eventually, Wanda crooked her finger toward Darcy from across the room and Darcy walked toward her.

“Yes?”

“You free on Thursday night?” Wanda asked.

Darcy burst into a grin. “I may have already answered that question to someone else. I mean, in a way. But maybe I shouldn’t read into it.”

She was about to launch into her indecisiveness on what type of outfit she wanted to wear to the nativity play when Wanda tilted her head.

“I need someone to be usher. Lois said her kid’s got chicken pox.”

Darcy’s eyes widened and she shook her head. “I’m… not doing anything, I guess.”

Wanda’s voice dropped and she glanced around to check if there were any listeners. Deeming it safe, she whispered:

“You mean, like a date?”

“No, just Bucky said he’d come,” Darcy replied. “Maybe.”

Wanda made a show of moving back a little, intrigued.

“Not like… not like that.”

“Then what is it like?” Wanda retorted.

Darcy scrunched up her face. “What kind of outfit am I meant to wear?”

“There are elf ears involved,” Wanda said. “Possibly. From one Jew to another, I’ll be feeling your pain. I have to dress up, too.”

“While the first graders are in Jerusalem?” Darcy hissed, and Wanda burst into a cheeky smile.

“What, you’ll look _adorable_ …”

-

Darcy’s outfit made her look more like an older sister of a student than someone who worked at Sacred Heart. She stayed back on Thursday and was handed the dreaded costume while Wanda winced at her in solidarity.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. It’s just the least sexually appealing thing I’ll probably ever wear in my entire… life,” Darcy muttered, holding it up. There were even little bells that jingled as she shook the little green and red number.

“But then after, we’ll get drunk,” Wanda said, moving to pinch Darcy’s cheek encouragingly. “You’re not paying for a single drink tonight. I can think of a couple guys who’d like to give an elf a… shelf.”

Darcy shot her an unamused look and sighed.

They kept skirting around the subject of Bucky and Steve. It was obvious that Darcy was attracted to them both, but she hoped anyone else who noticed it wouldn’t confront her on it like Wanda was prone to nowadays.

Wanda waited as Darcy ducked into the staff bathroom to change. She remerged.

“I am disgusted,” Darcy began. “I am ordering Grey Goose all night. Second we get to O’Sullivan’s I am blacking the fuck… _out_.”

She had her finger pointing at Wanda as she said this, moving closer to her to grab her shoulders and shake her. She couldn’t help laughing because she felt ridiculous.

They both pushed against each other, laughing as they slowly walked out. Wanda got changed in the theatre ten minutes before the kids and parents started to turn up to get ready. Darcy watched as Natasha, Wanda and the other first grade teacher gave them a pep talk.

Darcy felt the nervous twists of her guts as she made her way to the entrance to the theatre via the parking lot. She was shivering with the door open wide but smiled through it, nodding and handing out pamphlets.

Sam was the first teacher to arrive with a skinny, small woman with long dreads and tattoos with hoop earrings. Sam grinned at her, gesturing to the woman on his arm.

“Hi,” Darcy said, trying and failing to suppress her grin. “You must be a _very special lady_.”

“Darcy, this is Kelly,” Sam said. “Kelly, this is Darcy. She works in the library.”

“Not Santa’s workshop?” Kelly said, smiling at her.

“I’m Jewish, I think that would be a little odd,” Darcy replied. “Also, technically not an elf.”

“Oh, me, too,” Kelly said, laughing. “I mean, Jewish. Half. I’m _full_ elf.”

She waved them off as some more people began to approach.

“You’re coming to the bar later, right?” she muttered to Sam, and he nodded vigorously. “Okay, see you later…”

There were plenty of people that looked at Darcy and seemed confused, since she wasn’t a teacher they recognized. By the time it was five minutes before the performance was meant to begin, Darcy was glancing around the parking lot, wondering if Bucky and decided to bail.

She saw a familiar truck pull up and her heart leapt, seeing not only Bucky but Steve step out, their breaths in front of their faces. The opening piano chords had begun and Darcy motioned them to hurry.

Steve and Bucky jogged over and she felt her cheeks burn, since she temporarily forgot her outfit.

“You look so cute,” Steve said, and Darcy’s stomach flipped as she smiled up at them both as they reached her.

“Really?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah. Get inside, it’s freezing…”

Darcy shook her head, pushing them both awkwardly.

“I still have to wait for any latecomers. Go watch. I’ll see you guys later at the bar.”

She looked at Bucky, hoping for a confirmation.

He nodded, silent. She looked at Steve and he motioned her following.

“Come sit with us.”

“No! I have elf… duties,” she said, stepping back. “I’ll see you later.”

They left her and she let out a deep breath, passing a hand over her face. It was ten minutes into the play when she shut the door and moved into the very back of the long rows of the audience. She searched for Steve and Bucky and ducked down and raced over, slipping into the chair between them they’d saved. She shivered, picking up whoever’s hoodie was sitting on the chair and covered her bare arms with it.

She glanced at Bucky who smiled at her slowly, and then to Steve who put his finger to his lips, whispering:

“Oh, my God, Darcy. Be _quiet_.”

Darcy kicked his leg and he poked her ribs, which caused her to squeak and cover her mouth to desperately smother the sound of her snort, and Steve bit his lip hard, looking pleased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's going to be KISSING in the next part, so hold onto your butts!
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	24. Part Twenty Four: What, Little Old Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😬😬😬❗❗❗

_So be it, I'm your crowbar  
If that's what I am so far  
Until you get out of this mess  
And I will pretend  
That I don't know of your sins  
Until you are ready to confess  
But all the time, all the time  
I'll know, I'll know  
_ **\- "I Know" by King Princess and Fiona Apple**

**Part Twenty Four:**

**What, Little Old Me?**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

_“It’s official. I am on vacation, and I am free of children until January!”_

Wanda screamed this as she exited her stall, joining Darcy at the sinks. Darcy rose her hands to cheer with her, laughing as Wanda added:

“And I haven’t even started drinking yet and I’m rowdy.”

Darcy was fixing her makeup, wearing a red form-fitting dress over tights and boots with a leather jacket. She looked drastically different to her elf-like self she was less than an hour ago. She and Wanda spend time clearing up the chairs with some volunteer parents and students, and Darcy was exhausted but hoped to get her second wind, preferably at the bar after her first drink.

Wanda had changed into another one of her 90s-inspired outfits, a pair of high-waisted denim jeans with a grey shirt and blazer with her hair down in loose waves. She grinned at Darcy in the mirror.

“You look so hot.”

“Thanks, so do you,” Darcy murmured, taking out her lipstick.

She tried bunching her hair at the bottom of it to fiddle with how it lay, but she sensed Wanda watching her keenly and glanced at her.

“They’re not dating anyone? Steve or Bucky?” Darcy asked, her stomach flipping.

Wanda smiled again, her lip between her teeth. “No…”

“Okay, so. I could blame it on alcohol if everything goes south fast, right? I mean, some people argue that they’re most like themselves when they’re drunk, but I could use it as a good excuse. Right? I’m babbling. I’m fine. This is fine. But I could bail early, right -?”

Wanda yanked her by the hand and Darcy grabbed her bag as she was dragged out. Wanda fed her arm through hers, patting her hand as they walked out into the empty theater toward the exit.

“Those two have been circling you for months,” Wanda said. She flipped off the light and then shut the door behind them. She grabbed a set of keys from her handbag and locked the door. “They’re probably going to fight for your attention all night.”

“I don’t…” Darcy was about to disagree when Wanda shot her a look.

“Girl.”

“I just don’t want to have these expectations. Do you know how disappointing men can be, or has life with Jarvis just been perfect and you’ve forgotten what other women go through?” Darcy muttered. “My ex, for example. My dad. Ew, Brock Rumlow –”

Wanda pretended to spit over her shoulder at the mention of the name ‘Rumlow’.

“- I’m just saying that if something sounds too good to be true…” Darcy trailed off.

The cold had begun to seep into her bones and she thought about running home to her bed with a book and a mug of sugary tea, but she knew she didn’t want to be alone. She liked seeing everyone outside of work. Wanda was in a good mood that she didn’t want to diminish.

“I need tequila,” Wanda whispered as Darcy started her car.

They arrived at O’Sullivan’s and she felt the nerves set in once more. Wanda sat with her for several seconds, seeing the thoughts roll over and over.

“It’ll be fun. And if it’s too much, we’ll just dance the whole time,” Wanda said, shrugging her shoulder. “You’re on vacation now, so you can relax.”

She pulled Darcy into a hug when they were halfway to the front door. Darcy nodded at her silently, to tell her she was ready. They walked the rest of the way hands joined.

Walking in, the bar was packed, regulars that Darcy had begun to recognize were sitting in their usual places. The jukebox was playing Creedence like it seemed to always do whenever Darcy arrived at O’Sullivan’s. The crowd from Sacred Heart was sitting at several tables pushed together and several people burst into yells as they spotted Darcy and Wanda arrive.

Darcy felt watched, her face flushing self-consciously as they approached. It was supposed to be an impromptu Christmas party, since Maria said the school had to forego a formal one because of budget constraints, which Darcy didn’t mind. It meant Annabeth and anyone who liked her wasn’t there, along with several partners of teachers that would have otherwise missed out.

Darcy’s boss was sitting at the table with her drink, lifting it to her.

“I don’t know what’s that for,” Darcy yelled over the music. “I went straight home after work.”

Wanda nudged her. “There was this elf, though. Very familiar. Adorable.”

“She was so helpful, too, you would’ve loved her,” Sam yelled, and Darcy grinned a little wider.

She was aware of Steve and Bucky sitting toward the other end of the long tables fitted together. She waved hello to Bruce and Betty as well as Nat and Clint, feeling Wanda squeeze her hand.

“You go sit while I get you started on that vodka?” she said, and Darcy smiled, distracted by how Bucky’s eyes met hers and Steve then turned his head, a half-smile appearing on his face.

Darcy looked at Wanda whose eyes were twinkling.

“Have fun,” Wanda said in her ear before departing.

Darcy squeezed behind several people to reach the end of the table and Steve and Bucky were up, moving toward her. She kissed Steve’s cheek first, feeling his hand graze her side. She turned to Bucky and smiled a little wider, grateful that he was open to touch.

“You want a cuddle?” she said, and he smiled at her, unbridled.

They kissed one another on the cheek and Darcy could feel how surprisingly soft his beard was, her arms coming up to hug him. Though she was wearing boots with a slight heel she still had to stand up on tip-toe to reach him but it felt too delightful, his arms around her for a brief moment or two.

They broke apart and Darcy sat down at the seat between them, leaning on her elbow as Steve’s knee nudged hers under the table.

“Wanda said you’re not allowed to buy _any_ drinks tonight,” he said, leaning into speak by her ear.

Darcy felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up with his mouth in close proximity to her so soon. He pulled back, brows lifting.

Sam was moving toward them and Darcy smiled, seeing a drink and a plate laden with fries. He placed the drink in front of Darcy.

“From Miss Maximoff, and these sweet potato fries are from Kelly,” Sam half-yelled, and Darcy pressed a kiss to his face, rubbing his arm.

“She’s so beautiful, I can be your wingman tonight, if –”

Sam cut her off with a smile. “Nice try, Lewis. But I don’t need you stealing her from me.”

“What, little old me?” Darcy grinned, looking toward Kelly, who gave her a cheeky little wave.

She could see Bucky chuckle in the corner of her eye. Sam pushed the glass closer to her and turned away, smiling fondly at Kelly as he joined her once more.

There was drinking and chatting, people asking about how _Alice_ was going. Darcy felt a little looser after a couple drinks, eating her fries happily as Wanda kept threatening to dance. Everyone kept volunteering to get Darcy drinks and she’d shake her head, determined to not get trashed too fast. She wasn’t sure where the night would go but despite what she said earlier, she wanted to be semi-conscious.

“Annabeth said she didn’t think the play would be appropriate,” Hope said, leaning forward in her seat. She looked at Maria. “Did she actually complain to you?”

“Not formally, but it was brought up a couple times,” Maria said, draining her whiskey with a roll of her eyes.

“Of course she wouldn’t approve of one of the cooler ideas we’ve had,” Wanda said, shrugging. “Like, why would she approve unless it was her idea?”

“What was her suggestion?” Darcy said, and Maria shrugged.

“Huckleberry Finn, I think,” she replied, making a face.

“Hard, hard ‘R’ ‘N’ words instead of _Alice in Wonderland_?” Kelly said, and Maria’s eyes widened slightly, nodding. “That’s… gross.”

“Could be worse,” Steve spoke up. He shot Sam a look, folding his arms in the way that told Darcy he was remembering some injustice witnessed.

“That’s… reaching. I don’t think she was –” Sam began, but Kelly frowned.

“Annabeth’s the one who didn’t want her son in your class?” she said, mouth falling open. “You said it was a _parent_ –”

“She _is_ a parent,” Sam said. “And a teacher. Makes it sound like she was wearing a white hood at the time, but she just doesn’t like me that much.”

“It’s _not_ a race thing? Aren’t male teachers in low supply?” Kelly countered.

They argued about it for some time and Darcy was horrified. She never knew that when Sam was first introduced as one of the new sixth grade teachers before summer that Annabeth had specifically asked for her middle child to not be in his class. By the time Sam and Kelly were done on the subject, Sam said:

“I need a fucking drink. Who wants one?”

Everyone began to laugh and the tension was cut, Kelly rising with him.

“Darcy?” Sam added, and Darcy shook her head, lifting her vodka soda for another sip.

Wanda took it as a chance to jump up from her seat, gesturing her thumb toward the dance floor.

“Who’s dancing? I need quarters for the machine.”

Darcy thought about asking either Steve or Bucky for a dance, but she knew it was futile, even by the looks they kept giving her, with their warm, easy smiles.

Wanda began feeding coins into the machine and picking songs while Darcy sipped her drink. She sensed Bucky shift and little closer and she swung her eyes toward him.

“Got plans for the break?” he asked.

“I’m visiting my mom in Rochester,” she replied, as the rock ballad in the background began to fade. “It’s where I’m from. What about you? Hanging out with Alpine?”

He flashed a smile he couldn’t suppress. “Yeah, pretty much.”

A few familiar opening beats had Darcy turning her head back toward the dance floor. Wanda curled her finger toward her and then Nat and Hope. It was Britney Spears’ _Gimme More_.

“I better go.”

“You want a refill?” Bucky asked, as she got up.

“Yeah, but I might switch to beer…”

She raced off, weaving through the people to reach Wanda. She knew they looked dorky together, but it was fun, and she didn’t want to have to try and impress either Bucky or Steve. They’d seen her be ridiculous before many, many times.

Hope and Scott joined them and they were laughing and bouncing around, the vodka starting to work, making her feel looser and mischievous. She and Wanda were quickly becoming the rowdiest people in the group, as well as the rowdiest dancers in front of the jukebox.

“What if we put Fleetwood Mac on?” Wanda said, and Darcy watched as she flipped through the choices by pushing an arrow button on the machine. “Think it would get a certain blue-eyed, long-haired cat-dad to dance?”

“No, he’s not drunk enough,” Darcy said.

She’d had several drinks now and was wonderfully tipsy, and she could see Bucky had been drinking steadily like Steve had been for more than an hour. Steve was busy talking with Bucky as he sat with his phone under his nose. Darcy saw him stuff it back into his jacket pocket and then glance their way, catching her.

Wanda selected Seven Wonders and Darcy’s heart began to beat a little faster as Wanda grabbed her by the arm and tugged her back toward their tables.

“It’s an emergency,” Wanda declared, motioning Bucky stand up.

He’s eyes had widened and he shook his head. Darcy could see him calculating the number of the little crowd gathered on the dance floor. The majority of their group had got up to dance except for Maria, Steve and himself.

“I’m sorry,” Darcy said, and he looked at her, lips parting.

“’S’fine.”

“Dance with her!” Wanda said. “You know you wanna dance with her!”

Steve turned his head, nodding. Bucky shot him a mild glare.

“Fuckin’ punk,” he said, finally standing and punching Steve’s shoulder.

In turn, Steve jabbed at his friend’s ribs before pushing him toward Darcy and Wanda grabbed his jacket sleeve.

It was like some mesmerising magic trick, seeing Bucky actually give it a chance. He was probably liquored up enough to fold, letting Darcy take his wrist and Wanda let go, flashing another encouraging smile as she left them on the edge of the dance floor.

Darcy thought of Steve being able to watch them and tried to shove down how shy she suddenly felt, because she could see Bucky was way more lost than her, looking down at her hand holding his. She moved a little closer, placing his hand on her waist. She carefully lifted her arms to latch herself to his neck.

“Like prom. You okay?” she said, and he nodded.

“Don’t really remember prom.”

“I hated prom,” Darcy said a little louder, trying to lighten the mood.

“I think I did, too,” he replied.

They moved in a slow circle, Bucky’s eyes lingering on places other than her face, or darting to the people around them. Darcy let her finger stroke his neck to bring him back to her.

“You okay?” she murmured, and he nodded, eyes dipping to her mouth.

“Yeah,” he said, eyes not focusing.

She felt a wave of immense guilt that managed to reach every edge of her despite the booze and good spirits. She moved a hand up to touch the side of his face.

“We can stop?”

To her utter surprise, Bucky dropped his face to speak by her ear. She went still, the entire bar disappearing as the moment stretched out. She held her breath in anticipation, her face burning.

“I really wanna kiss you,” he said, and Darcy remained perfectly still as he moved back, searching her face.

She thought of all the afternoons she spent with him in her apartment. She thought of Halloween, the nights they spent here together. Had it been leading up to this?

“You’re drunk,” she said, and his brows knitted slightly in the middle.

“Yeah, but,” he replied. “I still wanna kiss you.”

It sounded too good to be true, and she remembered what she said to Wanda earlier. She wanted it, so badly, to be kissed by Bucky. But she thought of Steve, and how much she wanted to kiss him, too. Like when they went shopping together.

For Bucky.

She dropped her gaze.

“Uh. I need a second.”

She held his hand, making sure he couldn’t doubt her intentions.

“I’m not running away. I need a minute,” she said, and he nodded at her. “I… I wish we could go somewhere, the three of us.”

“School?” Bucky said.

Darcy finally looked over at Maria and Steve together, and she was met with Steve’s gaze on them, her stomach dropping.

“Okay. We can go to school.”

She remembered Bucky had keys. She could tell them how she felt. Maybe if she spelled it all out, it would be fine. Or maybe it was the worst idea ever. She shook her head slightly.

“The library? We’ll go to the library?” Bucky said. “I haven’t been in a few days, and I like how it feels.”

She knew he meant it was safe to him, and that compliment was enough to push her over the edge of hesitancy and she nodded, breaking away from him to turn and find Wanda.

“Bucky’s gonna give me a lift,” Darcy said, and Wanda’s eyebrows skyrocketed. “I’ll text you later. I think I’m just tired.”

Normally, Wanda would tell Darcy to stay, but she was only nodding at her now.

“Go…”

She began to say goodnight to everyone. She hoped she wouldn’t lose her nerve when she began to walk back to their tables. She grabbed her nearly full bottle of beer when she reached Steve’s side.

“We’re headin’ out?” he asked and she nodded. “Okay. I’ll drive.”

Maria said goodnight and Darcy felt strange, leaving with them. She shivered, and didn’t stop the entire ride back to the school. Steve seemed sober, while Bucky was leaning against his windowsill. Darcy half wished he’d got in the back seat with her, just so she could hold his hand.

Steve glanced at Darcy a few times in the rear view mirror.

“I wanted the quiet,” she said.

She was trying to think several steps ahead. If she was left alone with Bucky, would she kiss him? Was she picking Bucky?

She thought of Steve’s arm around her waist, and how it felt so right. The way he looked down at her like he meant it… she knew he was a terrible liar. He did flirt with her, but maybe it was harmless.

She couldn’t concentrate when she got out her keys as they reached the library, the metal jangling as she fumbled. She eventually got it, pushing the door open. She kicked off her shoes the instant they were inside, sighing as she traipsed up the stairs, Bucky and Steve behind her.

She tipped back her bottle as she sunk to the floor, her back resting against a shelf. Bucky followed her while Steve leaned against the railing.

“Never been in a library after hours?” she asked them both, and Bucky nodded.

“Mice. Last year,” he whispered.

Darcy’s eyes widened and he knocked her shoulder with his playfully.

“Long gone.”

“That makes me feel slightly better…” She glanced over at Steve, sipping her beer. “Not you, Steeb?”

He smirked. “Nah. I can see the appeal, though.”

Darcy tried to think of some saucy reply but she could feel the night catching up with her, the weeks piling up. Her body seemed to be acknowledging that she was allowed to rest for the next twelve days. She closed her eyes, her bottle taken from her by Bucky, and she heard him take a sip.

“Is it the staff that’s appealing?” she whispered, and she heard Steve make a humming sound…

She fell asleep. She had no idea for how long, but next thing she felt was her dry mouth, and then a sound too familiar to ignore. It sounded like two people moving together, the air hushed but charged.

She blinked back the library and then felt her stomach drop as she saw Steve and Bucky together, eyes closed as they pushed and pulled against each other. Steve’s hand was gripping Bucky’s jaw as Bucky’s hand held his shirt in his fist. Their mouths were slightly open, their pinks tongues visible as they kissed, with a practised passion that was completely undeniable.

Darcy felt her face burn and her eyes stung with hot tears as she forced herself to be still, to breathe as normally as she could manage. There was another ten seconds of this that dragged on and on, Darcy’s chest feeling tighter as she counted, before she heard Steve murmur, his voice a husky rumble:

“You’re drunk.”

The voice could have made Darcy wet, but instead, she felt an anger rise up inside her and she said loud and clear:

“Yeah, but you’re not.”

They let go of one another, eyes wide, and Darcy glared at them both, feeling her tears begin to spill over. She was such an idiot. She should have stayed the hell away from them from the very start, especially after the first day of school. She was furious with them both, but she was more so with herself, for deluding herself for _months_ that she could cherish these bonds with them and never get hurt.

“Darcy,” Steve said, just as Bucky whispered:

“Oh, fuck.”

Bucky’s reaction was delayed, his shock not enough to sober him.

Darcy began to push off from the floor, her back sore from resting against the shelves.

“You lied to me,” she said to Steve. She looked at Bucky, narrowing her eyes. “You _both_ lied to me.”

“You _asked_ me if I was gay,” Steve said, and then she could see his instant regret – he didn’t want to give himself an excuse, but it slipped out.

“Are you – are you fucking serious?” she spat. “Because I didn’t ask if you were sleeping with Bucky, that doesn’t mean you were lying to me this _entire time_? What about by omission?”

Steve waited for more of her onslaught, while Bucky covered his face with one hand, his other balling into a fist so tight his knuckles went white.

“When were you going to tell me? Seriously, when?”

“I – I thought maybe tonight,” Bucky said, his voice going quiet. He was shutting down.

“I am such a fucking idiot,” Darcy snapped.

She couldn’t stand it anymore, all the secrets they had. She snatched her bag from the top of the stairs and began her descent, Steve following her.

“Darcy. Darcy, please. I’ll call you a cab. I’ll drive you home –”

Darcy darted out of the way, in case he attempted to touch her.

“Get the fuck away from me…”

She’d began to sob and she hated it, how snivelly and gross she was already from the shock of it all, her heart feeling like it could burst.

“Darcy, please. Please listen to me.”

“I’m not going to rat on you!” she yelled, spinning around as they were in the corridor. “I’m not outing you!”

“I didn’t say you _would_ ,” Steve said, frowning.

“Be offended, I don’t give a shit,” she added. “You can be grumpy and judgmental in your little fucking classroom for the next six months, I don’t give a shit.”

It was a lie. It would be agonizing, being here after all this, but Darcy refused to give into another man and start over somewhere else.

“And Bucky, he can brood and shut me out, too. I welcome it as part of my New Year’s Resolutions.”

She flung her arms wide as she said this.

“And I can call my own Uber.”

She stalked off, a little off balance. She felt watched, could feel eyes on her back as she walked out of the building and into the parents’ parking lot. She didn’t look back once as she waited to be picked up.

She made herself stay still, her breathing shaky. She made herself not turn back and race into Sacred Heart to comfort them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peeks out from behind my laptop screen* So, how are we feeling?
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	25. Part Twenty Five: Fantasie Impromptu

_All that I want_   
_Is to wake up fine_   
_Tell me that I'm alright_   
_That I ain't gonna die_   
_All that I want_   
_Is a hole in the ground_   
_You can tell me when it's alright_   
_For me to come out_   
**\- "Hard Times" by Paramore**

**Part Twenty Five:**

**Fantasie Impromptu**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

“Get up, Darcy.”

Darcy grumbled and buried further into the blankets. It was the third morning she’d done this. Since arriving in Rochester to stay with her mother Rachel, she’d been like a zombie. She hadn’t said a word to Jane or Wanda about what had happened. The morning after the nativity play, she was emotionally hungover and cried on and off for hours.

The humiliation came in waves. She woke that first morning with five missed calls from Steve and several pleading texts. There was nothing from Bucky, and Wanda had asked if anything happened. She only replied to Wanda because she didn’t want to be cruel, at least not to her, but deleted everything else from Steve.

It was Christmas Eve and Darcy wasn’t looking forward to any of it. Being Jewish meant her mom only celebrated it in a nuanced way that most of Darcy’s friends never understood growing up. Since Christmas and Hannukah fell around the same week that year, Darcy had been playing dreidel with her cousins’ kids while everyone asked her questions about her job. That found it hilarious that she worked at a Catholic school, which only made Darcy want to tell them about her two male co-workers who had been screwing for God knows how long. Rachel would throw her looks every so often, broadcasting with the irritated expression on her face that Darcy needed to lighten up.

Darcy yelped as her mother’s cold hand grabbed one of her toes under the covers and she sat up, her hair falling into her face. She watched as Rachel threw the curtains open and crossed her arms.

“Come on, I said we were going shopping. It’s after 10.”

“I’m on vacation, Mom,” Darcy groaned. “The stores are gonna be swamped.”

“Not if we have an appointment,” Rachel retorted.

Darcy threw back her blankets and forced herself to get up, grabbing her hoodie from the end of her bed and pulled it over her head.

“Why, where are we going?” Darcy muttered, dreading whatever the answer was.

“Your boobs are droopy, Darcy,” Rachel. “You don’t wear the right sized bra.”

“Mom!” Darcy said, laughing with embarrassment. “I don’t get any complaints…”

“I was wearing the wrong size for years,” Rachel said. Darcy narrowed her eyes at her and her mother added: “Even with my breast lift ten years ago. I see plenty of eighteen year-olds with their boobs down to their stomachs…”

“Jesus Christ,” Darcy whispered, looking at the ceiling. “Fine. I’ll come with you if you stop talking about it.”

“Wear something other than those sweatpants, please!” Rachel called over her shoulder as she walked out.

Darcy slammed the door shut behind her and sighed, wishing she could feel less stressed around her family for once. Last night she was stuck between two of Rachel’s friends and they only talked about people Darcy didn’t know and would hit her arm to get her to join in with the conversation.

Darcy ran her brush through her hair and texted Jane:

**_Are my tits saggy?_ **

She desperately wished Jane was there to help her get through it all. She’d be able to relate to all the nosy, bossy Jewish folk overlapping one another at the dinner table, arguing about the most trivial of things. She was sick of hearing about some _hitsiger_ cutting off someone at the grocery store. She couldn’t stop thinking about Steve and Bucky instead and how stupid she felt.

She knew distractions would probably help but it wasn’t working. She couldn’t focus on the things that used to make her talk for hours. She’d use her limited Yiddish and mimic her mother’s friends good-naturedly. She’d laugh with her cousins and their little ankle biters.

Darcy walked into the kitchen and picked up the coffee pot waiting for her, murmuring:

“You know, my bra will probably fit one week of the month.”

She was referring to the fact that if she bought a bra with her current measurements, her extra four or so pounds from all the oily food she ate this time of year, she’d only fill it out perfectly when she was bloated and hormonal.

“You’re exaggerating,” Rachel said, waving a hand. She looked down at Darcy’s clothes. “I told you no sweatpants!”

“You said those sweatpants, Mother,” Darcy retorted, sipping her coffee. “I can dress however I want, I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“You dress like a kid,” Rachel said, brows lifting slightly. “I don’t need this teenage attitude from you anymore. We’re celebrating our people with _our people_ and you ought to be happy. And you’re getting a Christmas present tomorrow, too. Please.”

Darcy looked out the window to see it had snowed and sighed. She knew Rachel was right.

“Darcy, I’m sorry you don’t have Ian here –”

“I don’t miss him,” Darcy said, putting up a hand. She was reminded that her mother had no idea what she was going through. “I’m not in love with him anymore. I just feel tired, and _lonely_ …”

God, she was so lonely. She hated how alone she felt. Everyone seemed to have someone, even her perpetually single mother. She kept thinking of their kissing in the library. Yesterday, she’d become fixated and slipped her hand into her pyjamas and brought herself off in only a couple minutes, and then she felt pathetic and not at all sated.

Darcy compromised, wearing jeans with her sweatshirt when they were out. People were everywhere, the crowds enough to make Darcy wish she’d pretended she was sick to stay in bed all day. She’d rather sleep until the New Year, but she knew her mom would have more visitors that night. The bras she got were beautiful, lacy things that didn’t cut into her like her other bras, so maybe Rachel had a point.

Jane’s reply came when they were out:

**_Is that a serious question? Your boobs are legendary._ **

She smirked, wishing she could take the compliment to heart, but it just made her miss Jane even more. She called her when they returned home.

“How’s Miami?”

“Humid. I hate it,” Jane muttered. “I am literally playing shuffleboard.”

Jane’s parents were retirees, and she always stayed with them in the winter time and always complained non-stop.

“Don’t they know Israelites get frizziest in that weather?” Darcy muttered, and Jane let out a bitter little laugh. “Why couldn’t my mom have _me_ when she was forty?”

Rachel, whose brows lifted at the mention of her as Darcy was cutting the tags off her new bras at the kitchen bench with the fancy herb scissors, replied:

“You’re papa didn’t like condoms.”

“Please tell me you heard that so I have someone else to bear the emotional weight of that with,” Darcy said into her phone, making a disgusted face at her Rachel.

“Unfortunately, I did,” Jane replied. “And I know you love old people stuff, but it gets boring fast.”

“Doubt it. Are you playing bingo?” Darcy asked.

“Every fucking day.”

“Ugh, don’t tease me,” Darcy whined. “We can swap…”

She walked upstairs with her bras, dropping her voice to stop Rachel from hearing as she changed the subject.

“You seeing that guy again? The one you hit with your car?” she asked.

She heard Jane laugh self-consciously. “Uh, yeah.”

“And? Do you guys hook up the last time?”

The following silence answered Darcy’s question.

“Jesus, now I’m jealous of you,” she whispered. “What’s his name again?”

Jane let out a giggle. “I didn’t tell you? It’s Thor.”

Darcy stopped mid-step, standing up straighter, the name repeating itself in her head. She blinked a couple times.

“Thor?”

“Yeah. It suits him,” Jane replied.

“God, how are you suddenly getting more action than me?” Darcy said, laughing a little. She was happy for her friend. It had been so long since she’d had male attention, and she deserved it.

“You tell me. I thought you were planning to pick one of your guys. Catch ‘em under the mistletoe.”

Darcy regretted her joke, wishing she could lie convincingly, but Jane knew her too well.

“Nah, I decided to leave it. Deciding’s too hard, with everything going on.”

There was a brief silence on Jane’s end and then she finally murmured:

“That’s not like you.”

“I guess not,” Darcy said. “I should go. I need to help Mom with latkes again. Prune up my hands again with the potato side of the business.”

“Sure.”

Darcy hung up, feeling like Jane was probably going to try and decipher exactly what happened. She might come back with several intrusive questions she’d rather not answer. She wasn’t going to tell the truth. She meant what she yelled to Steve. She wasn’t going to tell anyone about him and Bucky. It wasn’t anyone else’s business, no matter how hurt she was.

Hours later, when dinner was over and Darcy was three glasses of wine in and feeling tired and sadder, Rachel sat her in front of the piano like she always did to make her play a song for their guests.

At first, Darcy was cheeky and played Chopsticks, but Rachel shot her that look and she sat up straighter, taking out a few books from the stack beside the piano, leafing through for something. She used to remember some of these by heart, but over the years she’d neglected practicing, something Rachel never stopped telling her, so she needed a refresher. She began _Clair de Lune_ with little complaint from the crowd at the dining table, eventually not reading the music and playing it fluently. People were busy talking all the while anyway, so any mistakes she may have made weren’t noticed.

Ruby, a friend whose husband loaned Rachel his mower once a month, called out:

“What about a Polish song, Darcy?”

Darcy was playing idle notes during this outburst and turned her head slightly to regard Ruby, her brow quirking.

“You mean like… Chopin?” she said.

“I don’t need the know-it-all attitude,” she retorted, but she was laughing. “I don’t know any of the fancy composers. Except Beethoven or whatever.”

Darcy began a simpler Chopin, from the book she had. _Prelude in E Minor_ , and there were a few groans from her audience. Darcy switched to the Funeral March partway through and Rachel said loud enough to rise above the crowd:

“She can do more difficult pieces.”

Chopin was not easy by any stretch of the imagination, and Darcy frequently argued with her instructors about how nerve-wracking it was to even attempt to play him. Her fantasy as a kid had always been to master his _Fantasie Impromptu_ and she never managed it.

Darcy took a deep breath, staring at her mother. Rachel didn’t back down, and so Darcy let out a little sigh, picking up her glass of wine that rested on top of the piano to take a sip to fortify herself before she sat back down, flipping through her pages.

She began to play _Nocturne in G minor_. Whenever she played the piano, it gave her the same feeling her iPod did when she was walking with her headphones in. She was able to be completely absorbed by the music, moving through each note and line like a dancer. She remembered the weeks of practice, the way Rachel would lose her temper every time Darcy told her she didn’t want to do it again, to try to play Chopin for the hundredth time instead of something simpler.

Every time she came back, even when she was a kid with no patience for the long haul, she found she was happier when she fell into a piece of music.

“What grade is this one?” someone said.

The voice was barely detectable in her little world of the piano and her fingers dancing along.

“Eight,” Darcy called, not turning around.

“Is that high?”

Someone confirmed it in the background, crying: “Uh, _yeah_.”

It was six minutes filled with Darcy’s playing. Over time, everyone fell silent to listen, and Darcy could feel it, the years of this artist’s life, his soul poured into something that came out of his own head.

She finished, and it felt abrupt, though she saw it coming and knew its conclusion. The dining room filled with applause and Darcy let out a self-conscious chuckle. She picked up her wine and went back to the table to sit down, picking up a leftover latke and dabbed it in the applesauce on her plate.

“You wanna work in libraries when you can play like that?” Francine, one of their neighbors, said.

“I’m not very good,” Darcy mumbled, her mouth full. “Not by professional standards.”

Ruby scoffed. “That’s the best piano I ever heard.”

“Do you even know Chopin?” Rachel laughed.

Ruby smirked. “Sure, I do. He’s Polish and he sounds like that.”

-

Darcy woke on Christmas morning around sunrise, her body tricking her yet again that it was another school morning. She knew she had plenty of time to roll over and go back to sleep, since she and Rachel usually had a lazy Christmas together with leftovers and margaritas, a long, liquid lunch that was spent in front of the TV watching movies and 80s music videos.

She heard her phone vibrate and she fumbled for it, seeing it was a message from Steve. Before she could stop herself, she read it.

**_Has Bucky called you?_ **

She frowned, shifting to unlock her phone and see there were several missed calls from Steve again, the first couple of call times were after 2AM, and then there was another three an hour or so apart. She put her phone to her ear and listened, despite telling herself she didn’t have to.

_“Hey, Darcy. I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I was out and I came home and Bucky… he wasn’t here. It’s late, it’s like, 2:30. I’m sorry, I know it’s not…”_

She heard him let out an almighty sigh.

_“If he calls you, tell him I’m lookin’ for him. Thanks.”_

Darcy listened to the rest. Her heart began to hammer in her chest.

_“Darce, he’s not pickin’ up. He’s not at his place. He’s not at mine, or school. It’s four. I… I wanna call some hospitals but if you get this, can you call him for me?”_

_“Darce, I’m sorry I keep – fuck, I’m probably overreactin’, but I’m… Fuck, please tell him to call me.”_

_“Darce, I can’t… I can’t find him.”_

_“Darce, I’m sorry, I hope I’m wrong.”_

Darcy was out of bed, grabbing her pants from last night to pull them on, tugging on a pair of socks. She heard the final message:

_“I can’t find him. I don’t know what to do. Fuck…”_

She hung up her Voicemail and called Bucky, putting him on speaker as she pulled on the rest of her clothes. She reached his Voicemail and hovered over her phone.

“Bucky, it’s Darcy. Steve’s worried, just give him a call and he’ll get off your back, okay?”

She hung up, feeling a little sick. She walked out of her room, moving so fast she almost tripped down the stairs. Rachel hadn’t got up yet and she looked around the empty kitchen, before looking back down at her phone in her hand.

She called Bucky again, putting her phone to her ear.

“Bucky, I need you to do it for me, okay? Tell me you’re okay. I’m not mad, and Steve’s not mad, he just needs to know you’re safe. Okay?”

She snatched the notepad from the fridge and scribbled a note to Rachel, saying she was sorry, but she needed to leave in a hurry and she’d call her.

She took her handbag and snatched up her car keys. She knew driving would take six hours, and something told her she didn’t have the time. She could feel her body tingling as the panic set in, and she was gasping for breath as she started her car. She switched it off again, taking as deep a breath as she could manage, glancing around the snowy neighborhood.

“Come on,” she whispered.

She drove to the airport and took the next available flight. Rachel got up and found her note in the time it took to book it and wait in the lounge. She called and explained her friend at work was having an emergency and she’d explain later, hanging up on her mom sooner than Rachel probably liked. She could see other people milling around, exhausted. There was tinsel everywhere, with snowflakes made out of paper. It didn’t feel very special to Darcy, not even when she was handed a little chocolate on the plane shaped like a snowman.

“Merry Christmas!” the flight attendant whispered.

Darcy appreciated her working during the holidays. The girl was either a saint or dead inside, and Darcy wasn’t sure which by the end of the flight. She hoped her the best, since she seemed to bear the brunt of everything well, including the asshole across the aisle from Darcy complaining about the coffee being sour. The attendant was perfectly groomed, her honey colored hair in a chic bun with a bright red lip and a matching little silk scarf around her neck.

Darcy could sense herself becoming one of those annoying people that tried to jump off the plane as fast as possible, getting up as soon as the seatbelt sign was off once they landed. She pushed past people to race through the airport, hoping to God that she could get a cab.

She rang Steve as she tried signalling for a taxi at the ranks, flipping someone off for speeding right past her.

“Darcy?”

“I’m here, I’m still half an hour away, but –”

She ducked into a cab and told the driver Steve’s address. She was trying to not overthink that she was hearing Steve’s voice again in this context.

“- did he try calling you?”

“No,” Steve said. He sounded rough. “I keep circling the park near his place. I keep callin’ and callin’ him…”

“I left a message, but I didn’t get a reply. Maybe we have to call the police.”

She knew it hadn’t even been 24 hours, but considering Bucky’s past, maybe it was the safest option. She heard Steve sigh.

“Okay. Yeah. Hurry.”

The trip back felt way too long. She kept biting her nails, checking her phone, seeing Steve update her three times in messages. Still no sign of Bucky, and he wasn’t picking up his phone. Darcy paid for her cab and raced out, seeing Steve’s car across the street.

She slipped into the passenger’s side, their eyes meeting.

“I’m here,” she said, and he nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

She didn’t know what for, whether it was for the other night, whether it was for worrying her now, or whether it was for lying to her since he met her. She didn’t think it mattered so much right now.

“How was he?” she asked.

“After…” Steve looked down at his lap, pulling in a breath. “After you left, I took him back to my place. He stayed over a few nights. He just wouldn’t get out of bed…”

Darcy felt her eyes prickle and Steve pushed on.

“I go to midnight mass every Christmas Eve night, and he said I should go. He perked up a little, I think he was really tryin’,” he murmured. He shook his head. “I came home, and he was gone. I couldn’t…”

“Has he done this before?” Darcy whispered.

“Couple years back. Rough patch,” Steve murmured. “Found him in a park a couple blocks away, lying on the ground. Dissociation.”

“When’d you check school?” she asked.

Steve rubbed his eyes. “Five. I think. Five-thirty, maybe.”

“Lemme drive, I slept,” Darcy said, and she was putting out her hand for him.

Steve took the keys out of the ignition and Darcy ducked out. There was an awkward musical chairs type of exchange and Darcy slipped into the driver’s seat, adjusting the mirrors as quickly as possible.

“Let’s go to school,” she whispered.

She began to narrate every move. Taking the car out of park, reversing, drive again, using the blinker to turn a corner. She kept checking Steve, hoping this was all just a silly mistake. She couldn’t think of how this wasn’t on purpose, though, especially since every call rang and rang before going to Voicemail.

Steve looked sick, staring out the window.

When they pulled up at the school, Steve didn’t wait for her. He took off, Darcy racing after him, and he was unlocking the back door and they were jogging down the corridors to theirs. They ducked into the art room and Darcy couldn’t hear or smell anyone else around.

“Buck?”

“Bucky!” Darcy yelled.

The library was empty, too. Steve passed a hand over his face, closing his eyes.

“We call the police. Okay?” she whispered. “Steve.”

She took his other hand, squeezing it.

He looked at her properly, throat bobbing.

“Maybe one other place. Did you check the theater?” she said.

Steve frowned. “Yeah. I checked everywhere.”

“Well, if I’m wrong, then we go to the police. But I’m usually right, remember?” she said, trying to put in a lame little joke. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve breathed.

They walked out of the library, and by the time they reached the theater, Darcy was out of breath, her heart racing. She saw no sign of life. The chairs were all up against the walls, the stage was empty. Darcy moved in the dark, crouching low.

Her hand found the little handle for the basement and she knocked with her other, pressing her ear to the door. Steve was crouched beside her as she heard nothing on the other side.

“Bucky, it’s Darcy.”

She turned the knob, pulling the door open. Steve felt around in the dark and the light flipped on, flooding the tiny room with yellow light. Darcy’s eyes fell to the shape on the floor, a familiar figure with his knees drawn up, his long hair curtaining his face.

“Buck?” she heard Steve whisper.

Darcy moved toward him slowly on all fours.

“Buck, it’s Darcy. It’s really cold down here…”

She reached to tug of her hoodie, dislodging her glasses, replacing them as she carefully placed it around him. It wasn’t big enough, but she began to rub his arms, his face still hidden.

He wasn’t flinching, but he was tensed all over. She looked over at Steve and then back down at Bucky.

“Can I look at you?” she whispered, her hand hovering over his head.

She moved so slowly, but murmured:

“I’m going to touch your hair, okay?”

She swallowed.

“Bucky, honey, you’re with me. We’re in Sacred Heart, and Steve’s here. We’re in the basement…”

He let out a little puff of breath when she placed her hand on his crown, her fingers gliding down through his hair. She began brushing it gently away.

“You’re okay.”

His eyes were squeezed shut and she watched as he sucked in a breath, his knee beginning to jiggle, knocking against her.

“Bucky, it’s Darcy,” she whispered. “It’s okay. I promise it’s okay. You’re here, now. With me and Steve.”

“I’m here, sweetheart,” Steve said, and he was reaching, too, touching one of Bucky’s hands and squeezing it.

The three of them together, Darcy felt her chest squeezing around her heart, remembering how hurt she was. She felt like she was intruding, but Steve surprised her and let go, nodding at Darcy.

“Keep talkin’ to him,” he whispered.

“Buck,” she said, a little louder, her hands dipping lower to touch his face. “Your knees. Stretch your legs for me. For me, honey. Please.”

She waited another minute before he moved, one leg and then the other. She let out her held breath.

“That’s good, Bucky. Can you open your eyes?”

He winced, shaking his head.

“Okay, okay,” she added hastily. “Take your time.”

She shuffled a little closer, glancing over at Steve, who was staring at the floor with his arms crossed. She turned back to Bucky.

“Bucky, you’re here with me and you’re safe. You’ve got my hoodie on your big, stupid shoulders. You’re way too big for my clothes. Can you feel me when I touch you?”

She stroked his face.

“Bucky…”

She moved in closer still, closing her eyes. She whispered by his ear, kissing his cheek.

_“Baby…”_

She waited, breathing with him, in and then out, in and then out… in and then out.

Bucky’s hand flexed on her thigh, and then she pulled back, watching as he blinked up at her, like he was waking from a dream.

“Darcy,” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You still mad at me?
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	26. Part Twenty Six: I Came Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is messy, but I'm trying to push through the constant brain fog I've been experiencing. Please be kind to one another. Please call your family and check on them. Please don't tell your friends to lighten up. Just be there for them, and thank the people who are treating the sick during this time.

_Are we still friends?_   
_Can we be friends?_   
_Are we still friends?_   
_I've got to know_   
**\- "ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?" by Tyler, the Creator**

_  
She cut a hole in the fence and she ran_   
_She left her troublesome prison behind_   
**\- "She" by Alice Phoebe Lou**

_Then you tell her that the only way her heart will mend_  
 _Is when she learns to love again_  
 _And it won't make sense right now but you're still her friend_ **  
\- "Call Your Girlfriend" by Robyn**

**Part Twenty Six:**

**I Came Back**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Darcy touched the side of Bucky’s face, searching him. He seemed mostly out of it, his eyes falling to her mouth, his lids heavy.

“Let’s move,” she whispered.

She shuffled back and got up, offering her hand. Steve moved toward them and did the same, both he and Darcy taking Bucky by the elbows to bring him to his feet and begin to walk out. Darcy moved his arm to lie it across her shoulders for him to lean against her as Steve paused to switch off the light.

“Thought you were in Rochester,” Bucky murmured, and Darcy glanced up at him.

“I came back,” she whispered, smiling to assure him. He kept trying to strain his eyes to look at her.

Darcy adjusted her hoodie on his shoulders, trying to subtly check him for any marks. He didn’t seem to have anything. She didn’t know if he ever hurt himself when he got in this state. He could have stumbled into something, too. She didn’t know if he’d taken anything or been drinking.

They walked out of the theater into the parking lot, the frigid air causing Darcy to shiver in her thin long-sleeved shirt. When they reached Steve’s car, she paused with Bucky, unsure.

“Get in the back,” Steve said, and she nodded, thankful for his prompting.

She didn’t want to overstep anything. Steve didn’t seem to mind at all, and Bucky didn’t argue. She heard the car unlock and she grabbed hold of the handle, pulling it open. She looked toward Bucky, who seemed exhausted, his eyes shutting again.

“Buck?”

“Sorry, I’m just…”

His voice trailed off. Darcy took his hand, tugging him gently, and he stepped forward.

“Duck your head,” she murmured, and he did.

She shut the door behind him and raced to the other side, slipping into the seat behind the passenger’s seat. She met Steve’s eyes by accident and he nodded at her, so she took Bucky’s hand again, watching him slowly put on his seat belt.

He was confused and so much slower. It reminded Darcy of her grandmother Magda on morphine, though the comparison was probably a little extreme. She touched his hand, his eyes falling shut.

“Do you want to go to your place?”

He nodded.

Steve started the car and Darcy watched Bucky the entire ride. As they parked, he drew in a breath and looked around, remembering again where he was. He blinked at Darcy.

He took her hand when they stepped out and Darcy felt her stomach flip, their fingers twining together. She walked with him behind Steve, who took out his own key to let them into the lobby. They walked up the stairs and Steve unlocked the front door. Alpine shot out, circling Bucky’s legs and meowing, before he recognized Darcy.

She scooped him up, kissing his little face and he began to purr, rubbing against her as she carried him like a baby inside, Bucky watching her.

“I…” His voice trailed off.

Darcy stepped closer to him, touching his arm.

“I’m awake, right?” he said, and she nodded.

She put Alpine down and she helped take the hoodie from his shoulders and then his jacket off. Steve went into the kitchen and Darcy could hear him putting on coffee. Darcy touched Bucky more, reminding him she was there, eventually tilting her toward the hallway.

“Wanna nap?”

He gave a half-smile, his face slackening a second later, and he took the hand she offered to walk him down the hallway to his bedroom. Darcy had never been in there before. His scent was amplified, a vaguely sweet musk, with his worn clothes strewn all over the floor. The sheet on the mattress had come off at one of the corners, and his pillow’s cover was missing. She turned to him as Alpine jumped onto the bed and began to knead a patch of blanket at the end of the bed.

“You want help?”

“My arms are heavy,” he mumbled. “My fuckin’ head…”

Darcy moved closer, helping him pull off his Henley, feeling her cheeks heat at the sight of his bare skin. He rubbed his eyes, using his other hand to undo his sweatpants before shoving them down. His navy boxer briefs hugged every curve of him and Darcy looked away, moving to pull back a bit of his blanket.

He practically fell onto the mattress with a sigh, Alpine bouncing but otherwise unperturbed. Darcy hovered, Bucky’s eyes staring up at her.

“You want a pill or something?” she murmured.

“Yeah. Cabinet,” he said.

She walked out and into the bathroom, going straight to the cabinet. She found a pill bottle with his name on it, beside some Advil. She picked up an empty glass she found and attempted to clean it with her finger under the water before filling it and walking back out again.

She sat on the edge and Bucky sat up a little, taking the water as she uncapped the bottle and shelled out a pill, handing it to him. He swallowed it with a sip of water and sighed, already beginning to deflate once more.

“What’re you doin’ here?” he whispered, and Darcy swallowed hard, feeling her eyes prickle. “Shouldn’t’ve come back…”

He was fading fast, and Darcy began to stroke his hair, shaking her head.

“Sleep.”

He drifted off after a couple minutes and she looked over at Alpine, who’d begun to wander closer, sitting down by Bucky’s scarred shoulder, sniffing his skin. Darcy could hear the soft rasps of his tongue as he licked Bucky a few times before settling into a loaf shape beside him and closed his eyes.

Darcy got up slowly to not disturb them both and tip-toed into the hallway, pulling the door partway shut behind her. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and walked into the kitchen. She found Steve leaning against the sink with his arms crossed before she spotted the cup of black coffee steaming on the bench.

Steve looked up from the floor. “Outta milk.”

Darcy took the cup and sipped it. She looked around and saw the sink was piled with dishes, the little table was just as messy. She noticed before that the living room was in a similar state. She thought of his clothes on the floor in the bedroom. She put down the cup and walked back to Bucky’s bedroom and began gathering his clothes in her arms, shuffling into the hallway and dropping them on the floor in front of the tiny washer and dryer he had stowed away behind a little door.

She used spray on his shirts, shoved what she could into the machine and loaded it with detergent, studying the options. She chose the mixed cycle and put the rest of the clothes on top of the washer as she shut the doors again. Steve had come up behind her at some point and watched as she moved past him.

“I’ll start on the dishes,” he said, and she nodded, going to the living room to start moving things out of the way.

They worked in silence for about an hour, and Darcy felt so much better knowing that when Bucky woke later he wouldn’t have to worry about the mess. Not that it was ever this clean when she was over, but she knew things had got out of hand, and he wouldn’t have to energy to fix it any time soon. She felt her stomach grumble and checked her phone, seeing it was close to noon and she h/adn’t eaten anything since that chocolate snowman on the plane.

Reality began to come back to her. When she’d put the clothes in the dryer and put another load in the washer, she had run out of tasks to occupy her mind, and she was forced to acknowledge what she’d done.

She’d dropped everything and took a plane on Christmas morning to be by their side, not just Bucky’s, but Steve’s as well.

She pushed the door to the washer and dryer shut and covered her face with her hands, taking what she hoped to be a steadying breath. She moved away, walking back to the living room. Steve watched something on TV with the sound off and she slipped in beside him.

He seemed surprised she came so close to him, eyes swivelling to hers as she leaned her elbow on the back of the couch, tucking her feet under her, staring straight at him instead of the TV.

“I thought we should talk,” she said.

He nodded, lips quirking for a second, but he seemed so sad.

“Yeah.”

She didn’t know where to begin. They should start over, start from the beginning. They only watched one another for some time before Steve looked down at his hands.

“I lied to you,” he said. “I lied to you all the time.”

Darcy didn’t speak, because she didn’t want him to stop. She didn’t want it to turn into her scolding him again, since they’d already been through a lot that morning.

“I don’t have an excuse, except that I was afraid of being caught by someone at school,” he said. He met her eye once more. “I should’ve told you months ago.”

“How long have you two been…?”

Steve passed a hand over his face. “Since… I dunno, maybe since we were sixteen. I always – I don’t know about Buck, but I always loved him to bits.”

Darcy felt her lips curve a little, since it was the nicest thing she’d ever heard him say about Bucky.

“We haven’t told anyone else, but I think Sam knows,” he said. “He doesn’t try to set me up with anyone, or Buck, either. We can’t be out, because… I’d lose my job, and Buck has trouble keepin’ a job to begin with.”

Darcy nodded, feeling her guts twist.

“I knew Wanda was interested, I just avoided it. Buck wasn’t well. Kept having flashbacks all the time, and I couldn’t do that to him. Not then, at least.”

“You’ve slept with women before?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, nodding. “We both have. Used to happen more to Buck before he enlisted. We agreed to have things open, but we always had each other. I just… not with Wanda. He needed me.”

Darcy nodded, biting her lip.

“So I haven’t… I haven’t misread anything?” she said eventually.

She gave a little nervous laugh, and Steve joined her, shaking his head.

“No. No fuckin’ way,” she heard him say, even after she covered her face with her hands and groaned.

When she put her hands down, she could feel her face burning with embarrassment, but she sensed Steve had sobered, his throat bobbing as he looked away.

Darcy sucked in a breath.

“You didn’t trust me? Even after all that time we spent together in those literacy classes? Even after Rosh Hashanah and Halloween?”

Steve closed his eyes. “I… I _did_ , but I didn’t know how to start bein’ honest. Because we have to talk about it, really talk about it. What we want, I mean.”

Darcy rolled her eyes. “I think what I want and what I need are two very different things.”

She stared at the muted TV for several seconds, until Steve said quietly:

“I don’t think so. I think you’re one of the few people I know whose wants and needs are the same thing.”

Darcy stared at him, wondering exactly what he thought she needed.

“Steve.”

She didn’t know what she meant to say, and any vague idea was long forgotten when Steve said in a clear voice, his eyes glued to hers:

“I like you. I really, really like you.”

She nodded and ducked her head.

“I like you, too,” she whispered. “Except I’m still stuck on what happened in the library. It was a safe space, and I was sleeping.”

Steve’s face fell, his jaw tensing. She was saying things he seemed to already know.

“I know Bucky was drunk, but –”

“I wasn’t,” he said. “You’re right.”

Darcy sat back a little, considering what else to say. She didn’t want to get the last word in. She wanted to feel better, but she wasn’t one for moving on fast. She knew she’d still loved Ian for a little while even after he broke her heart back in August.

“So now what?” she asked.

Steve looked at her. “I just want you to be happy. I wish I could make you happy.”

His eyes shifted to the side, down toward the hallway to Bucky’s room.

“But if it ain’t me, then that’s how it is.”

“Steve, that’s so sad,” she said, unable to stop herself. “And so untrue. You make me happy. I’m just hurt. Life was starting to make sense and then you just – why, why didn’t you just tell me? I already thought it was possible. I feel stupid because I didn’t just _ask_ you…”

“Why didn’t you?” Steve said.

“I didn’t want you to reject me,” she said, shrugging. “And I know that sounds ridiculous. You’re the men in a secret relationship, but I was scared of you pushing _me_ away. But now I want time away from you and I can’t – I can’t…”

She began to cry, the tears too much for her to suppress any longer. She covered her eyes and sobbed, moving toward him as Steve pulled her into a hug. She buried her face into his neck and shook in his arms, a long-needed weeping from deep within.

When she pulled back, sniffling, Steve wiped away some of her tears with his fingers, and Darcy chuckled.

“Your fucking bratwurst digits,” she muttered. Her chin quivered. “I really, really like you.”

“It’s okay,” he whispered, and she could see he was making himself smile at her, lying to her to help her. “It’s okay.”

She went to the kitchen to grab a paper towel to blow her nose with and contemplated lunch. She made them each a bowl of soup from a can she found in the pantry, but Bucky’s stash was otherwise pretty sparse. She sat with Steve at the table until they were both finished and she checked the clock on her phone, hearing the dryer turn off.

“I should check on him,” she said. “Is that okay?”

“Go ahead, I’ll clean up,” Steve said.

She knew she was asking him because Bucky was his boyfriend. A week ago, she would have gone straight away. The difference was enough that she paused outside Bucky’s room before pushing the door open again to let herself in.

Alpine was curled into a little white swirl by Bucky, while he lay on his side, taking a deep breath when Darcy settled on the edge of his bed.

He lifted a hand to rub his eyes and he blinked up at her, grunting as he recognized her.

“How’re you feeling?” she whispered.

His hand reached for hers.

“Fuzzy,” he mumbled. “What time is it?”

“About 1.30,” Darcy said. She couldn’t help smiling at him, since he was so rumpled and adorable, looking warm with flushed cheeks.

She hadn’t seen him without a shirt since September, and she’d missed it. She felt herself blush as Bucky narrowed his eyes slightly at her, a smile forming.

“This all I have to do to get you for a nurse?” he said, and Darcy felt her smile fade. “Have a fuckin’ breakdown?”

“That’s not funny,” she muttered. “You really scared us both.”

“M’sorry,” Bucky said. He stroked this thumb over the back of her hand.

“We don’t have to talk about it –”

“It’s not your fault I dissociated, alright?” he said, cutting her off. “It happened over hours. A lost a whole fuckin’ twelve hours, sweetheart. Isn’t it Christmas?”

“Yeah,” Darcy breathed. “But I don’t care.”

It didn’t matter if he wasn’t okay. She knew her mom would be confused, since she hadn’t explained who her friend was that she’d gone to see, but she’d tell her now, that his name was Bucky, and she wanted to take care of him.

She _needed_ to take care of him.

“That was fucking scary, Buck,” she admitted.

“I’m sorry –”

“No, don’t,” she whispered, moving closer, pulling him into a hug. “Don’t do that…”

His arms wrapped around her and he shifted, until he was lying down again, and Alpine jumped up, stretching. He began to wash himself as Darcy lay her head on Bucky’s chest, hearing his heartbeat.

“This okay?” he murmured.

“Yeah…”

They watched Alpine for a while, until Bucky clicked his fingers and he waltzed over, purring. He went to Darcy instead and she giggled. Alpine sniffed her nose and gave her little licks, before Bucky nudged him away.

“Enough. C’mon…”

Alpine bounced off the bed and walked out again, tail swinging. Darcy rolled onto her back and Bucky peered down at her, a slow smile forming.

“Are you feeling jealous?” she whispered.

“Little bit,” he murmured.

Darcy’s heart was hammering, her stomach flipping. She was sure she was bright red, too. She stayed still, waiting, hoping. She even held her breath, her eyes widening as he dropped down…

Their noses brushed and Darcy licked her lips, his two blue eyes becoming one. She kept hers open, while his fluttered shut as he pressed his mouth to hers in a slow kiss, her lip between his two. She shut her eyes finally as she tried to commit it to memory. Their first kiss.

The sigh he gave her made Darcy raise a hand to touch the side of his face, because she could hardly bear the vulnerability of it. Bucky pulled back, his eyes searching her.

She slid her fingers down to his beard, idly stroking the soft hair as he pushed the hair away from her brow, kissing her forehead.

He settled down on his side, Darcy doing the same, watching one another as it became clear that Bucky was still exhausted. His eyelids were heavy, his breathing slowing as Darcy moved to stroke his hair.

“Sleep.”

“Wanna stay up,” he whispered. “Wanna kiss you…”

“Later,” she whispered back.

She didn’t have to wait long for him to fall asleep again. She moved up from her spot, seeing Steve in the doorway.

“He’s out,” she whispered.

Steve’s eyes fell to Bucky and he pressed his lips together, eyes drifting back to Darcy.

“Do you wanna swap?” she asked, and he shook his head.

She’d seen that expression on his face before, when his arm was around her waist at the mall, the time he pretended to be her boyfriend to save her from Patrick.

“I’m gonna go get some food,” he said, a little smile appearing. “For dinner. If you wanna stay?”

Darcy got up from the bed and followed him out the door.

“You’re not _cooking_?” she whispered.

“No,” he said. “It’s already been a rough day.”

Darcy snorted. 

“Guess I’ll have to stay, make sure nothing falls apart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	27. Part Twenty Seven: Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this part reads as wayyyyyyy up and down, but that's the point. Or, at least, that's what I'm saying to convince myself to stick with this messy fucking part. God.  
>  **cw: anxiety and panic attacks**

_Falling for you was a walk off a cliff_   
_A dream of a car with the brake lines cut_   
_The only way you can stop it is if_   
_You turn around, keep the windows shut_   
**\- "Poor Judge" by Aimee Mann**

**Part Twenty Seven:**

**Christmas**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Darcy gave Steve a list along with her apartment key and he left her alone in the living room with Alpine on her lap, the TV’s volume down low as it played _A Charlie Brown Christmas._ It had been several years since Darcy had watched it but she still knew the story virtually back to front.

She was mostly distracted by the cat and her own thoughts. Alpine kneaded her pants over and over, poking little holes in the material, rubbed himself all over her and left plenty of hairs as proof. He then fell asleep and began to twitch while Darcy found herself staring at the front door as she chewed her nail.

She kept thinking of her mother, whose messages were piling up in her phone, wondering what the drama was. She thought about calling and explaining, but she felt another wave of anxiety. She didn’t want to put a label on anything, whatever this had become. She didn’t want Rachel to think she was racing across the state for men, though she absolutely was, because she’d done it before with Ian years ago. She knew Rachel was already concerned because she gave her no warning, just left a note at dawn to race to the airport. What was she even meant to tell her?

She knew she should care more, but the kiss she had with Bucky earlier on his bed was invasive, bringing her into a warm little dream world. She could still feel his soft but firm lips, the way his beard scratched her and made her tingle all over. Even his warm breath on her skin made her melt, the heat of desire stirring in her guts.

She scooped Alpine up, kissing him roughly on his face, and he took it without complaint, only shaking his head a little as she walked back down the hallway to slip into Bucky’s bedroom again. She placed Alpine on the bed and crawled on the empty side of the mattress to lay down beside Bucky again, leaning on her elbow.

Every so often, she heard a soft click of his tongue while he slept, and she felt herself smile, seeing him be the closest thing to blissful. Alpine squeezed between them, sniffing Bucky’s face, making him frown and twitch.

“Quit it,” he grunted, and Alpine began to purr loudly, licking Bucky’s cheek.

He rose a hand to push him off, rubbing his eye. He blinked at Darcy, noticing she was there.

“Hey…”

“Hey,” she breathed. “Steve went out to get food.”

He swallowed, shifted a little to sit up, pushing his pillow to behind his back and Darcy moved back to sit on her knees, idly scratching Alpine behind his ears. Bucky turned his head, then his eyes swung back to Darcy’s.

“That the dryer?”

“Yeah. I washed some things.”

He looked around his room, frowning.

“Did you wash my clothes?”

Darcy felt a twist in her guts, thinking she’d maybe overstepped by picking up his things without asking. If that was the case, he was about to get a rude shock since the rest of the apartment was pretty spotless. She bit her lip.

“Uh, yeah.”

“All of ‘em?” he asked, and she nodded.

He did nothing but stare at her for several moments until he looked away. Darcy realized then that this was the most eye contact he’d given her in all the time they knew each other. She felt her stomach flip at the discovery that he felt safe enough with her to look at her. Her cheeks heated and she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear self-consciously as she paid more attention to Alpine.

She didn’t have time to prepare as he scooted closer, his hands taking hold of her face to tip her head toward his in a soft kiss and she hummed into it, closing her eyes. He pulled back with a soft smack of their lips and he threw the blankets back, swinging his legs over the bed to get up.

Darcy’s eyes fell to his rear in his dark underwear and she glanced away, a little smile on her lips she couldn’t deny. Bucky pulled on some clothes from the closet, a grey Henley with navy sweatpants as Darcy watched him.

“You want something to eat?” she murmured, and he pushed the hair out of his face, scratching his beard with his other.

Before he could answer, Darcy’s phone began to buzz in her pocket and she took it out, seeing Rachel was calling her again instead of leaving her texts. Darcy considered ignoring it, but the sooner she dealt with her, the better. She unlocked it and Bucky walked out, Alpine bounding after him. Darcy settled back down and closed her eyes.

“Hi, Mom.”

“What the hell, Darcy? Please reply to my messages when I send them! We both know it drives me up the wall when people don’t communicate with me.”

She was of course referring to her ex-husband, Darcy’s father, who had a habit of ‘forgetting’ to notify Rachel of his whereabouts. It was one of his many strategies while he cheated on her.

“Mom, I told you, it was an emergency. My friend was in trouble.”

“So why didn’t she just call the police, when you’re six hours away from there?” Rachel retorted.

Darcy winced. “Uh… he needed someone to just be there.”

There was a pause and Darcy could picture her mother crossing her arms, her brows reaching her hairline if they were having the conversation face-to-face. Thank God Rachel hadn’t ever bothered with Skype or anything like that before.

“He?”

“Mom –”

“Darcy, I know you won’t listen to me, but as a woman who threw her life away for a man, just know that I have some idea over it not being worth it in the end.”

“Mom, you had me!” Darcy said, a little incredulous, a laugh escaping. “Or was that not worth it?”

“I didn’t say that,” Rachel said, impatient.

Darcy hated when her mom was like this, dismissive of her feelings, treating her like a child just because she was older and hurt badly. She seemed to forget that her ex-husband hurt Darcy, too.

“I’m _worried_ ,” she added, and Darcy sighed.

“I’m not going to get hurt,” she replied, her voice lower.

If she was honest, she didn’t want Bucky hearing all of this, but she didn’t have to bother with the secrecy, because then Rachel said:

“I’m not worried about that. I’m worried about the money.”

Darcy stared up at the ceiling.

“You know, for someone who hates stereotypes –”

“I am not obsessed with money, you’re just bad at managing it, Darcy Lewis!” Rachel retorted.

Darcy frowned, pulling back her phone to check the time, seeing it was nearly 3PM.

“Did you have margaritas without me?” she asked, and Rachel scoffed loudly.

“So what if I did? Francine came over, it’s Christmas…”

Darcy couldn’t be mad at her mother if she was getting drunk and being ridiculous with her friend. She knew it was where she got her own dramatic streak from, and she was glad Rachel wasn’t alone.

“Mom, I’ll make it up to you,” she said, a little louder. “I’m sorry I bailed, but I had to be here.”

“I hope he’s worth it…”

“Well,” Darcy murmured. “Safe to say, _yeah_.”

She wished she had the guts to say more, but Bucky walked back in and Darcy said goodbye, hanging up. He had a piece of toast in his mouth and held out a beer bottle for her. She took it, smiling up at him.

He took the toast out of his mouth, chewing.

“You look like you could use that.”

She sipped it gratefully and followed him back out to the couch and they sat side by side while watching the rest of the movie. Darcy wished he would put his arm around her, but he was keeping perfectly still and she didn’t want to invade his space any further.

“How’re you feeling?” she asked.

He looked like he was somewhere else and blinked down at her, shrugging a shoulder.

“Fuckin’ wrecked,” he mumbled. He wasn’t as smiley, now. Being awake for longer than a few minutes seemed to rebuild the wall he put up around her.

Darcy tried to not take it to heart. They’d kissed and he didn’t seem to regret it. She hoped she didn’t do anything to make it so. She got the impression that people fussing over him sometimes infuriated him. Darcy kept watching him, trying to decipher the way he stared at the TV with a near-blank expression.

“I’m remembering last night, a little,” he murmured, the sound almost startling her.

“Yeah?”

He nodded. “Steve went to mass. Then just…”

He motioned a plane nosediving by lifting his hand and then dropping it to his side. Darcy took a sip of beer.

“This time of year must be hard,” she murmured. She nudged the edge of the label on her bottle with her thumbnail.

“Thought he’d left for good,” Bucky said, seeming to ignoring her comment. “Thought, ‘he’s really left this time’. Forgot I was at his apartment. Fuckin’ idiot…”

“Don’t call yourself that,” Darcy said, and he finally looked at her, his face stone-like. “I don’t think it’s stupid because you got confused. Your brain _convinced_ you –”

“My brain somehow, don’t know why, never processed memories the right way. So I’m living them over and over, even though I know that. I know it’s not real.”

He tapped his temple with a finger.

“This fucker doesn’t know I’m here. Didn’t know where I was last night. I probably fuckin’ walked to school and let myself in.”

“What triggered you?” Darcy asked.

“It’d be faster to tell you what _doesn’t_ trigger me,” he retorted, lips quirking a little at his attempt at black humor.

He held her gaze for a full minute until he looked back at the TV. Darcy could see he was frustrated, and he got up abruptly, going to the window to look out. He waved a hand around.

“You cleaned everything,” he said. “While I slept. And Steve’s out gettin’ food –”

“I asked him to,” Darcy said, her voice rising. “And I cleaned because I wanted to.”

“I didn’t ask you to come back!”

His voice was dramatically sharper and Darcy flinched, but she was still able to see him deflate a little at her reaction.

“I came back because it was you,” she said eventually. She watched Bucky begin to pace with his arms crossed. “If it was Steve, I would have done the same –”

“You’re gonna be like him sooner or later, don’t you get that?” he interrupted, and Darcy stared at him, feeling her face flush. “He keeps waitin’ for me to snap outta this. I see it every time this happens, I see a part of him realizin’ every time –”

“ _What_ are you talking about?” Darcy said. His words were horrifying. He was so full of conviction.

She couldn’t quite believe they were having this argument when only minutes ago he’d kissed her again, and not even a day ago she’d raced to his side to help him.

“He remembers the guy before my arm was fucked up,” Bucky said. “But I don’t. I don’t…”

Darcy felt tears rise up inside her, threatening to spill over and she shook her head, getting up from her seat to join him.

“No, Bucky. No…”

“Don’t touch me!” he hissed, and she stopped mid-step, hands raised. “Jesus. My fuckin’ chest…”

She knew then that he was having a panic attack, and she watched as he sunk to the floor, breathing heavily, and she crouched in front of him, watching as his eyes widened and he covered his ears with his hands.

“It’s okay, you’re here…”

She hated how useless she was in the moment, fumbling to find the right words but knowing he couldn’t hear her anyway. He brought his knees up and began to shake. Darcy didn’t dare move, in case it made things worse.

His eyes flew shut and he was still shaking, his breaths coming in sharp bursts.

Darcy lost track of time, since her fear seemed to stretch out the minutes. She didn’t know how anyone coped with this, especially from within the panic attack itself, since it seemed endless. She thought about more pills, but she was certain he couldn’t take another for a while. She thought about the emergency room, and then wondered if calling Steve was the best solution.

She felt responsible. She shouldn’t have argued. She should have changed the subject, not asked personal questions, no matter how much she wanted to know more about Bucky.

He lay down on his back and Darcy heard him groan softly, stretching out his legs with his eyes still tightly shut.

“Darce?”

“I’m here,” she said automatically, darting toward him, and she felt him reach blindly for her and grip her thigh like she was a lifeline. “You’re safe. You’re okay.”

She wanted to cry but something told her that was the last thing he needed. He scared her, but she didn’t blame him for it, but trying to explain that to him seemed impossible. He sounded so sure that Steve missed this past version of him, when she was certain he loved Bucky just as fiercely, at least by how he spoke about him earlier.

Bucky blinked up at her, out of breath, covered in a sheen of sweat.

“Fuck,” he whispered.

Darcy stayed still, Bucky staring up at her. There was a distance jangling of keys and Darcy glanced over at the front door, hearing the key in the lock before Steve appeared, his arms full.

“Hi,” she said.

He looked at Bucky on the floor, who’d put a hand over his eyes and sighed deeply. Steve frowned, moving to kick the door shut and place the bags on the floor.

“Buck?”

“Don’t,” Bucky muttered. “She already saw what happened. I don’t need to talk about it…”

“I was gonna say, I got chicken.”

Bucky lifted his hand from his face, frowning at Steve uncertainly.

“And Reese’s,” Steve added.

“Hmm?”

“Does candy help?” Darcy asked, and then Bucky burst out laughing, the sound such a surprise that she froze.

Steve walked over, inspecting Bucky on the floor with Darcy, his eyes landing on the hand Bucky still had resting on her thigh. Darcy felt her cheeks flush and scrambled to stand up, moving toward the bags at the front door to distract herself.

They whispered together as she inspected the haul, and she wasn’t able to make out anything that was said, but she knew it was serious by the glare Bucky was giving Steve when she glanced over.

She began putting things away in the pantry and fridge, taking out the packet of Reese’s peanut butter cups to hand a package to Bucky. By the time she reached him, Bucky was sitting up while Steve went back out to the car.

“Would you stop?” he said to her, and Darcy frowned.

“I’m just helping. Grow up,” she retorted. “Stop being so stubborn.”

“Hey –”

He reached for her, managing to take hold of her wrist to stop her from moving away. He looked deep into her eyes. He looked less grumpy.

“I appreciate you. Look at me,” he said, and she did again, frowning at him. “I _appreciate_ you.”

“I got the menorah,” Steve called, shutting the door again.

He held it up and Darcy saw him inspect it, turning it around.

“What day are you on?”

“Sixth,” she murmured.

Bucky let go off her to unwrap his candy and take a bite, sighing quietly to himself as he chewed. She stood up, walking over to Steve to take it from him.

“You get the dreidel, too?”

“I panicked,” Steve said, and she threw him a smirk over her shoulder as she walked over to the table to place the menorah in the middle. “You had several.”

He took it out of his pocket, a white one with purple, red, green and blue letters on it.

“Not a bad choice,” she murmured, and he tossed it to her across the room. Darcy caught it, promptly spinning it on the table.

Steve joined her, watching as she spun it again and again.

“What do the words say?”

“They’re letters,” Darcy corrected, feeling a little smug.

Steve frowned at her. “What are the _letters_?”

“You called my bluff, I don’t know Yiddish that well,” Darcy muttered. “But I can tell you that it all represents the phrase _nes gadol hayah sham_ , ‘a great miracle happened there’.”

She put up a finger. “And, in Israel their phrase is ‘a great miracle happened here’.”

“Right, with the McDonalds and the oil,” Steve said, nodding and pretending to be deep in thought.

Darcy side-eyed him. “You know what? Never mind. Where’s that chicken?”

She made a salad. Bucky set the table with Christmas crackers and then pointed at the menorah when Darcy looked up from the chopping board.

“Do you want me to do the thing?”

She nodded, gesturing with the knife. She watched him take out the box of matches and lit one candle, using it to light the rest. She wondered how he knew to do that, and then remembered him watching Wanda during Rosh Hashanah.

Darcy put the salad away and ordered Steve to cut up the potatoes he was peeling while she fixed up the chicken she planned on roasting. Bucky had begun to pace the living room with Alpine and she looked at Steve to see he was watching him, too.

“Okay?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, a little terse. “How long ‘til we eat?”

“Couple hours,” Darcy said. “You want more candy?”

“No…”

She put down the lemon she’d cut in half and brushed her hands on her pants, walking over to him. Bucky stopped, as if he didn’t know he was moving that much.

“Sorry.”

“Come here,” she said, her voice softer. She held out her hand and he took it, and she led him back to the couch.

She picked up a book he’d borrowed from her, taking out the bookmark and inspecting his place.

“Where’d you get up to?”

“I dunno. Haven’t touched that in days,” Bucky said, but when she looked at him, she could see he was smiling at her. “Some part with Tyrion, I think.”

“Who’s your favourite?”

“Arya,” he said. “Or maybe Dany. She’s like you.”

Darcy heard a chuckle from the kitchen bench and glanced over, seeing Steve smirking as he chopped vegetables.

“How am I like Dany?”

“Short,” Bucky said.

“Oh, that all?” Darcy retorted.

“Yeah, nothing else comes to mind,” he teased, his eyes falling to her mouth as her lips curled at him.

Darcy glanced down at the page, seeing it was Tyrion speaking, and she began to read aloud. She read until Steve finished putting the vegetables and the chicken into a pan that he stowed in the oven. He slipped in beside her on the couch, and Darcy was then squished between them, feeling her face flush from the contact of their bodies.

“Who dies in this one?” Steve murmured, looking at the book cover. “Everyone, I’m guessin’.”

Over time, the apartment was filled with scents of their dinner and Darcy found she liked it. It felt right, making a meal and then seeing it come together.

“What did you do last year for Christmas?” she asked, when they’d served their meal and sat on the couch together, plates on their laps.

There was a silence between them and Bucky said eventually:

“Got drunk and stayed in bed all day.”

Darcy snorted, leaning forward and giggling. “So, not the worst way to live.”

“This is better,” Bucky said, and Steve scoffed.

“The fuck?”

“That’s not me sayin’ –” Bucky began, only to shove Steve’s shoulder with his hand behind Darcy’s head. “Fuckin’ _punk_. Tryin’ to start shit.”

Darcy pictured it, the pair of them passed out together, unable to stop herself. She’d had some drinks already, her wine filled more than a couple times since Steve opened the bottle he bought. She fogged up her glass as she giggled, watching them bicker.

“Our guest is laughin’ at us,” Steve said, shoving another hunk of chicken in his mouth, nudging her knee with his.

“You don’t live here,” Bucky retorted.

“Because you won’t let me move in,” Steve said, eyes widening.

“Imagine how that would go down!” Bucky said. “Hey, Steve, why’d you move in with the janitor?”

Darcy giggled as Bucky mimed thinking it over, stroking his chin.

“‘Hmm, we’re best friends. The best of _friends_ –’”

“Shut the fuck up,” Steve laughed. He nudged Darcy again. “What does he sound like, huh?”

Darcy grinned at him, lowering her voice to sound almost like the Cookie Monster. “Grr, I’m Bucky.”

“Are you fuckin’ –”

Darcy was jabbed in the ribs and she gave a squeal, almost knocking her plate as Bucky tickled her sides.

“No, don’t – Buck – it was a joke!”

He kissed her, cutting her off, and Darcy went still, so aware of Steve being there. She felt her face flush, and when she drew back, her insides melting, she wondered how the hell she was meant to handle anything more than a peck on the lips from Bucky.

“You made her go bright red,” Steve said, and Darcy looked at him.

He only smirked at her, chewing his mouthful.

Because she didn’t know what else to do, Darcy bolted, putting her plate on the floor and snatched Steve’s beer bottle from him and raced out of the living room as Bucky laughed in surprise. Steve chased after her, nearly stepping on Alpine in the process.

“I’m a guest, I wanted beer!”

“Give it back!”

He cornered her in the hallway, and she collapsed in giggles as he took the bottle back, chugging the rest, putting the empty bottle on his head as he panted, shaking his head at her.

“Miss Lewis, you’re a fuckin’ maniac.”

Darcy stared up at him with breathless giggles still ebbing from her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's official, the Panic Attack Comfort tag has been added. Next part - New Year's Eve with Wanda and Jarvis! ❤
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com)


	28. Part Twenty Eight: Happy New Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's so fluffy I'm gonna die

_I'm just wanna dance all night_  
 _And I'm all messed up, I'm so out of line_  
\- **"Dancing On My Own" by Robyn**

**Part Twenty Eight:**

**Happy New Year**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Wanda opened the front door with a grin on her face that Darcy had missed so badly, but hadn’t realized, until that very moment.

She opened her arms wide for her and Darcy hugged her, both of them swaying for a few seconds as Wanda clung to her. Wanda pulled back to look her up and down.

“You look incredible.”

“I gained, like, five pounds,” Darcy muttered, scoffing.

“Probably went to your boobs,” Wanda whispered. “Anyway, come in, come in!”

Darcy decided to take Wanda up on her invitation to spend New Year’s Eve with her and Jarvis in Manhattan. It took a couple trains and the subway plus a walk to get there, but Darcy was glad to make the trip up. She’d never done New Year’s in the city and always meant to. Wanda pulled her by the hand down the hallway, moving into the living room where an older man stood leaning against the back of a leather couch, his eyes meeting Darcy’s as she came in.

“Jarvis, this is Darcy,” Wanda said, leading her to him.

“So lovely to meet you,” he said, smiling at her. “Thank you for coming all this way.”

Darcy moved to kiss his cheek and his touched her arm, his eyes ducking when they broke apart. Darcy sensed already that Jarvis was a little shy, which only made the effort he made to talk to her more endearing.

“Would you like something to drink?”

“Yes, please,” Darcy said, and Wanda pointed to Jarvis, then winked at Darcy. “I’m going to put on some makeup before we go out.”

“Is what I’m wearing okay?” Darcy called as Wanda dashed down the hallway to the bathroom.

“Yes!” came Wanda’s reply. “But I have other options!”

Jarvis was left with her and she smiled at him, looking around the living room as he walked over to the bar by the tall windows overlooking the skyline.

“This view is insane.”

Jarvis flashed a self-conscious smile. “Certainly better than my last place. I was living in a hotel for a while. I think I had mice.”

“Well, if you had mice here, they’d be very fashionable, ambitious mice that vacationed in the Hamptons,” Darcy murmured.

Jarvis opened a bottle of champagne and Darcy’s brows rose at the pop, watching him pour her a glass. He made himself a glass of scotch and Darcy remembered something from her handbag.

“Hold on!”

“What?” Jarvis said, confused.

She dashed to her bag and then came back, holding a little wrapped present that she handed to Jarvis.

“You didn’t have to-”

“No, open it,” she said, and he took it, unwrapping it. He turned the box over, inspecting it.

“Whisky stones. You put them in your freezer, but they don’t dilute the alcohol at all like ice does,” Darcy said, and Jarvis looked up, a smile forming.

“Darling!” he called. “Can Darcy stay forever?”

Darcy burst into a smile, taking her glass of champagne and tapping it with his whisky. While they drank and chatted, every so often Wanda would come in with her makeup beginning to form, first her base and eyebrows, and then her eye makeup.

“Pink’s a fun color, right?” she said. “I’m so bad at my liner. I don’t know how you do it every day, Darce.”

“I’m stubborn, I don’t let the bastards get me down,” she said, sipping. “The bastards being the beauty standards we put on ourselves. My wings are never even.”

Wanda shrugged. “You always look nice.”

Jarvis leaned forward, dropping his voice as Wanda walked back to the bathroom.

“I had an interesting dream last night.”

“Oh, no,” Darcy murmured. “I’m gonna have to feign interest, aren’t I? That’s some unnecessary pressure on your guest, Jarvis.”

He grinned. “No, well… the dream itself, not a lot happened, except at one point I was in Midtown and opened a manhole and then someone put a pastry lid on top.”

Darcy frowned. “Oh?”

“So then Wanda told me it meant I had pie on my mind, so she sent me out this morning to get something. There’s a bakery a block away, but then she sent me to that lovely place, Sephora –”

Darcy giggled.

Jarvis whispered conspiratorially:

“These fake eyelashes she sent me in there for. Faux mink, and they look like exotic butterflies…”

Wanda’s voice carried from the bathroom:

“Is he telling you about the eyelashes he bought me?”

She walked out, her makeup close to finished, gesturing to her eyes.

“These are the lashes,” she said, fluttering them. She kissed Jarvis on the cheek, her hand on his chest. “Would you like me to put some on you?”

“No, darling. I’d need at least three more of these to let you do that,” Jarvis replied, taking another sip of his drink.

Wanda pulled Darcy into the bedroom to show her a dress she thought she could wear, a purple one with wet-looking material, and Darcy made a face.

“I… I don’t think it’s forgiving,” she said, and Wanda shook her head.

“Try it on. And then we’ll have so much champagne it won’t matter how we feel,” she said.

Darcy managed to squeeze in it, but it did look at least a size too small for her in the chest area. Her breasts were pushed together and up.

“Holy shit,” Wanda said, her mouth gaping. “Let’s show Jarvis!”

“No!” Darcy said, covering her chest with her arms, her cheeks flushing. “Give me a second, the booze hasn’t started working yet…”

Wanda got out her phone in the meantime as Darcy contemplated the lipstick options Wanda had for her. Wanda did a couple poses with Darcy in the background peering at herself in the mirror. Wanda began to giggle as Darcy pressed her lips together.

“What?”

Darcy’s phone began to buzz and she picked it up to look it. Wanda kept giggling.

“Did Steve text you already?”

Darcy unlocked her phone and saw he had messaged her, simply the eyes emoji and Darcy narrowed her eyes at Wanda.

“I sent some photos,” she said with a little shrug. She moved to pick up her highlighter brush to dust her shoulder and cheekbones. She brushed Darcy with it, too, smiling. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Darcy spent Christmas night on the couch, but she wasn’t alone. At one point, Bucky fell asleep with his head on her shoulder during a movie. Darcy could feel her whole left side going to sleep under the weight of him, but she didn’t want to move, so she eventually passed out as well.

Steve shook her shoulder and she sat up a little straighter, disturbing Bucky a little, who was properly wrapped around her now, his nose brushing her neck. Darcy blushed and glanced up at Steve.

“Uh.”

“You want me to drive you home?” he said.

Darcy swallowed, trying to think of what to say. She didn’t want to leave to go back to her empty apartment.

“He ain’t sleepin’,” Steve added, prodding Bucky’s arm. “Buck.”

“Fuck off,” Bucky mumbled, not letting go of Darcy.

Steve tutted. “Well, _I’m_ sleeping on a bed. ‘Night.”

“Goodnight,” Darcy said.

When she was left alone with Bucky again, she felt his lashes flutter against her skin.

“Is this okay?” she said eventually, and he yawned.

“Yeah, just…”

He pulled her down to lie next to him, his arm wrapping around her middle to pull her close. She felt warm and safe, being his little spoon. She didn’t fall asleep for a long time, thinking too much about how it was Bucky sleeping behind her, his soft snoring against her hair.

The next morning, they drove her to the airport, and she kissed both of them on the cheek goodbye. She needed to go back to Rochester to make it up to Rachel. Then on the 30th she’d driven back.

She hadn’t spoken to either Steve or Bucky on the phone, but they’d texted a lot. She kept thinking about Bucky’s kisses and what they meant. She hoped with the space between them he’d let her know, sooner or later, what would happen next.

Standing in Wanda’s bathroom, she peered down at her phone, seeing herself in the background of the photo, bending at the waist.

“Your _butt_ , though,” Wanda murmured, and Darcy rolled her eyes.

“Are we done?”

“Just about. Want to do a shot before we go?”

Darcy shook her head. “Can we get something bougie at the club?”

Wanda had a shot of Patron anyway while she and Jarvis watched. He checked his watch.

“After ten. When we get there, the time will evaporate,” he said.

“God, I hope so,” Darcy muttered, her dress making her feel like she was stuffed in a sausage casing, and the heels she decided to change into weren’t much better in terms of comfort.

Jarvis gave her a sympathetic look. “Yes, me, too.”

Wanda was in high spirits, and when they arrived at a club with people dressed to the nines, she was like a breath of life. Jarvis waved at someone he recognised while Darcy found them a little corner to hide in.

“I hope they play some songs I like,” Wanda said, making a face. “Kind of wish this was like O’Sullivan’s that way.”

Wanda looped her arm through Darcy’s and looked at Jarvis.

“You okay?”

“Yes,” Jarvis said, seeming relieved that he wasn’t chosen to dance with. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Wanda said, pulling Darcy along.

It didn’t take long for Darcy to stop being self-conscious. Wanda had that effect on her every time they were together. The rest of the dancing people were already drunk and rowdy, so Darcy dropped her guard and danced like she had two left feet whole-heartedly.

One of the highlights was _Walk Like An Egyptian_ coming on, and it was discovered that both Wanda and Darcy knew all the lyrics and liked to whistle along. Darcy’s face hurt from smiling and laughing so much, her face flushed with exertion.

She kept pushing aside how much she missed Steve and Bucky, since a lot of couples spent their New Year’s Eve together. Wanda managed to coax Jarvis to dance, the three of them together. Darcy just shrugged at Jarvis and he began to laugh.

When they took a break and Wanda kept going, Darcy sat with Jarvis at their table, watching her.

“I met her at a costume party,” he said, and Darcy nodded.

“I remember. She said she was a sexy crossing guard,” she replied, and Jarvis broke into a smile.

“I’m so glad you came,” he said, and Darcy met his gaze, seeing he was sincere.

“Me, too.”

She was touched, feeling her eyes mist. She blamed the look on his face and the champagne she’d been throwing back.

“She changed my life,” he said. “I was so – I just never thought I’d meet someone like her in all my life. And she couldn’t wait to invite you here. This time of year can be really difficult for her.”

“Yes,” Darcy said, nodding. “I know exactly what you mean.”

They watched Wanda together until the song ended, and Jarvis said:

“Only a couple minutes until midnight.”

“Oh!” Darcy said, getting up. “I guess we better start dancing again…”

He relented, following her as they joined Wanda once more. When the DJ signalled it was time for the countdown, Darcy looked out the window, remembering there was meant to be fireworks.

It got to five when Darcy looked at Wanda, seeing her gazing up at Jarvis, her arms around her neck. She glanced away, feeling for the first time that night that she was alone.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

There was a burst of color behind a skyscraper and several more, fireworks going off as people cheered. Darcy stared out the window, thinking of that couch the three of them sat on at Bucky’s apartment.

She saw Wanda kissing Jarvis and then felt her phone begin to buzz in her bag, and she retrieved it, seeing the caller ID, her heart swelling. She walked off the dance floor, unlocking it to answer.

“Hello.”

“Happy New Year,” said Bucky on the other end.

Wherever he was sounded quiet, a TV playing in the background. She knew it wasn’t his style to be out in public like her for a big celebration.

“Happy New Year,” she murmured. She took a deep breath. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” he said. He cleared his throat. “I, uh, I’m not great on the phone, but I thought I’d call. Can I give you to Steve?”

“Okay. Bye,” she said, and then she heard the shuffle and then Steve said:

“Hi, Miss Lewis.”

“Hi, Mr Rogers,” she replied, giggling. “Happy New Year. How’s Alpine?”

“Missin’ you.”

“I miss him, too,” she said. Her stomach flipped. “Steve…”

She saw the other people begin to dance again and she closed her eyes.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” she said. “But… I’m sort of scared. Like maybe I won’t be able to handle it.”

“You’re amazing. You’re more than enough for him,” he said, and she felt her eyes prickle.

She remembered the way his smile was so sad when he told her he liked her. She knew it was more than that, but neither of them chose to name it. She was falling for them both, swiftly.

“Okay. I’ll see you in a couple days,” she said.

She hung up, walking back to their table. Wanda came back over with Jarvis out of breath, and Darcy broke into a smile, unable to keep herself down for long.

“Hey.”

“How’s your year been?”

“So far, so good,” Darcy said, and Wanda giggled.

Darcy’s phone buzzed and she looked down at it, seeing a message from Steve.

It was a picture of Bucky curled up with Alpine, their eyes closed. The caption read:

**_Afternoon nap today_ **

Darcy smiled down at it, wishing she could reach out to touch both the cat and Bucky. She was ripped away from her thoughts as a new song began to play, one that had several people cheering, and Wanda’s eyes met Darcy.

“I love this song!” Darcy yelled, and Jarvis laughed. “I have to dance by myself, though.”

She got up from the table, racing over to the dance floor as the opening lyrics began:

_Somebody said you got a new friend_

_Does she love you better than I can?_

Darcy was moving in a small circle, putting her hands up.

_There's a big black sky over my town_

_I know where you're at, I bet she's around_

Darcy couldn’t stop herself from smiling and singing along.

_And yeah, I know it's stupid_

_But I just gotta see it for myself_

The rest of the crowd seemed to sing along and Darcy tossed her head, belting out the lyrics along with them:

_I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh oh oh_

_I'm right over here, why can't you see me, oh oh oh_

_And I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the guy you're taking home, ooh_

_I keep dancing on my own…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com)


	29. Part Twenty Nine: The Couch, The Shelves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had writing stage fright for a few days because some of the feedback I've been receiving here and anonymously through my Tumblr ask box really got to me, but I'm back.

_How come I end up where I started_  
_How come I end up where I belong_  
_Won't take my eyes off the ball again_  
_You reel me out then you cut the string_  
\- **"15 Steps" by Radiohead**

_I'm so tired_  
_Of playing_  
_Playing with this bow and arrow_  
_Gonna give my heart away  
**-**_ **Glory Box by Portishead**

**Part Twenty Nine:**

**The Couch, The Shelves**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

She almost collided with Clint as he reached the door at the same time as her, letting out a long sigh as Darcy jumped out of his way.

“I lay down on my bed a couple days before Christmas, and then I roll over and it’s the New Year,” he muttered, drawing her into a half-hug. “How are you?”

“I’m okay.”

“Same thing happens when you turn thirty,” he said. “You’re thirty and then you roll over and you’re suddenly forty.”

Darcy smirked, watching him dash toward his car.

“What about your fifties?” she called.

Clint turned his head, frowning at her. “You think I’m _fifty_?”

Darcy was only teasing, but shrugged elaborately. “No idea, Coach.”

It was the first day back. She was already behind by the time the first bell rang, and she hadn’t managed to see Steve or Bucky or even Wanda until the first break of the morning. She processed the stacks of returns that waited for her, the menial task a welcome distraction. She hadn’t stopped thinking about the last couple weeks, and coming back to Sacred Heart made her all the more uncertain. She had to be the library tech again, with so many people around her as potential witnesses.

She walked into the staff room, shivering. It was clear the heating wasn’t working as people huddled around the table in the middle, clutching mugs of coffee. Hope rose her hand to wave and Darcy mirrored her, before spotting Annabeth and Lois staring at her. She turned away, moving to fill up her travel mug instead of staying. There was a gingerbread house sitting on the bench and she took a corner of the roof, licking her fingers as she walked out.

Sam was coming in and she burst into a smile, so thankful to finally see him again. She’d heard from Steve that he’d proposed to Kelly.

“Congratulations!” she said, hugging him tightly. “When did you propose?”

“Christmas Day. Not original, but she lost her mind anyway,” he said with a grin. He nodded at the travel mug Darcy sipped from. “You on the move?”

“I’m freezing, so it’s better to keep the blood going,” Darcy replied, stopping Sam from mentioning Steve or anyone else she may be on her way to see. “I got work to do, sorry.”

She walked back down the corridor and ducked her head into the art room, seeing no sign of Steve, but he’d left behind his mug from earlier. She suspected he was on yard duty, probably with Wanda. She never got a chance to walk outside to find Bucky, either, because nothing slowed down. When she wasn’t processing loans or returns, she was covering new books and trying to work out if she could fit new materials among the cramped collection.

She didn’t have any literacy lessons today, but she had plenty of students coming in at lunch and then after school. She needed to plan with Wanda and go over costumes and integrating the library activities with the play, like a cross promotion. She barely had a chance to sit down, and when she did, she felt heavy with how tired she suddenly was, taking off her reading glasses to rub her eyes with a groan.

Rehearsals began after Darcy closed the library, locking everything up before she dashed off down the corridor toward the theater, almost tripping on a fallen leaf that must have been on a kid’s shoe, clutching her papers to her chest, her bag smacking into her side.

“You good, Miss?”

Darcy turned toward the voice, seeing Tommy Rumlow with his two friends standing in the yard watching her.

“You heading to rehearsals?” she called, shielding her eyes from the sun awkwardly. A part of her hoped for any excuse to kick the kid out, but she knew he was way more talented than his understudy.

She could hear them playing hip hop through one of their phones and she wondered where the hell anyone was, and why he always seemed to get out from under supervision.

“Go, now,” she added, and she kept walking, not bothering to wait for him to follow.

She walked into the theater, hearing _The Safety Dance_ playing, the kids moving around and laughing while Wanda watched them. She turned toward Darcy, smiling, only for her to falter when she saw Tommy beside her.

“You’re late,” Wanda said to him, and he shrugged.

“I was getting my books from my locker,” he replied smoothly, such a blatant lie since he had no bag on his shoulders, or anything in his hands except his cell phone.

Darcy walked over to Wanda, waiting until he was out of earshot before she spoke again.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Wanda said, touching her shoulder. “It’s been chaotic today –”

“Don’t worry about it,” Darcy said, sighing. “I’ve barely had a chance to sit down.”

The few songs Wanda played were warm-ups for the kids, and it was also a chance for Darcy to share peanut M&Ms with her.

“We’re gonna do a read-through,” Darcy said, once the kids had all settled on the floor again. “While this happens, we’ll have set crew painting –”

“Are we gonna get costumes started?” their Alice, real name Riley said, her hand shooting up.

“Riley, I’ll talk to you about options soon, we just have to figure out more of the play itself,” Wanda said, and Riley drooped.

“You get to wear a wig,” Darcy added, which she knew would warrant a response, and Riley burst into a grin. She glanced around stage. “You’ll all get wigs.”

That trip to Party City was going to be interesting. She already had several lists worked out for next weekend.

Over the next hour, they ran through what they could of the play, and it was clear who the stronger performers were from their voice alone. Riley and Tommy were head and shoulders above the rest, which made it more difficult to want to get rid of their Mad Hatter. The students began to depart and Darcy lingered, hoping to avoid whichever Rumlow was picking their son up.

Her phone began to buzz as she scooped up papers from the floor, after she checked everything else was locked up.

“Hey,” she breathed, feeling immediate butterflies.

“You nearby? I thought we could go back to my place,” Bucky said, sounding like he was somewhere enclosed, like his shed in the yard.

“Yeah,” she said, grinning. “I’d love to. I’ll be a few minutes.”

She said goodbye to Wanda, stopping herself from just running out of there, feeling her heart beat faster as she saw Bucky in the yard, coming out of his shed.

She thought about hugging him but didn’t know if there was anyone else around, and she wasn’t sure how Bucky felt about anyone knowing they were – well, whatever they were. It was still early days, and they hadn’t spoken about it.

He looked good, like always. His hair was tied back and out of his face, the freezing air putting some color in his cheeks, and he smiled down at her, his hands in his jacket pockets. Darcy shivered, smiling back at him.

“Let’s go.”

They walked inside together, then out into the parking lot. She didn’t see Steve’s car, since she automatically searched for it. Bucky began to walk toward his truck.

“I’ll follow you,” Darcy said.

She didn’t get a moment alone with him until she was stepping out of her car on the street his apartment building was on. He shut her car door for her, taking her hand in his, and he was so quiet Darcy wasn’t sure if speaking could break the spell.

She bit the bullet and tugged him toward her when he apartment door shut behind him, tilting her head as he bent down to kiss her, a peck on the lips.

“I’m nervous,” she whispered.

“Me, too,” he whispered back.

Alpine began to circle her and she picked him up, kissing his face, leaving a lipstick mark on his fur. He didn’t mind, but immediately began to wash himself as she sat him on the ground again. She practically fell on the couch with a sigh, Bucky beside her and pulling her into his arms. He kissed her forehead, then her cheek.

“I’m… I’m rusty, I think,” she murmured, and he pulled back a little to look her in the eye, and Darcy could feel herself getting hotter, melting under those baby blues. “Jesus.”

“Hmm?”

“Do you – you remember seven minutes in heaven?” she murmured, and his lip curled, his eyes creasing at the sides.

“Refresh my memory,” he murmured, his thumb brushing her lower lip.

She hadn’t ever played it. She only heard about classmates playing it over the weekend, at parties she wasn’t invited to. Darcy’s first kiss came in high school, during the summer when her neighbor Kyle was home from boarding school. It was the first time she drank beer, too. It wasn’t fun.

She thought about how bad this could go, because she wasn’t sure anymore just how good she was at kissing. She knew it was irrational, considering she was with the same person for several years and there was plenty of kissing, but toward the end of that relationship, she didn’t remember a lot of kissing happening for kissing’s sake.

“We set a timer and kiss for seven minutes,” she said.

She took out her phone, briefly out of his embrace, opening her timer app and dialed it to seven minutes. She held it up, pressing the start button.

 _Seize this moment_ , she thought. The way he was looking at her, and how happy she was, she needed to remember this for however long she could.

She cleared her throat, putting her phone down on the coffee table. Alpine was still washing himself on the floor, unaware of the charged air of the room.

She moved closer to Bucky, sitting on her knees, their noses brushing. She sealed her mouth over his, taking a deep breath as his hands went to her hair and she did the same, making his hair come loose from the tie.

He gave a soft groan as she opened her mouth to his, the first pass of his tongue bringing all her need to the surface instantly. The bristles of his beard tickled her, made it feel more real. She could taste him, could feel one of his hands moving down to her waist to grab at her side.

She pulled back, panting a little, just enough to get some air, feeling his breath on her lips as she stared back at him.

She went back in again, moaning as he grew more demanding, taking from her as she grabbed a fistful of his shirt. Neither of them seemed capable of keeping still, and she felt possessed with the need to feel him everywhere, her mouth moving down his neck, nipping at his Adam’s apple as he grunted with grit teeth, his hand under her shirt and stroking the skin of her back –

They kept at it, until the timer began to chirp somewhere in the distance, Bucky’s hands on either side of her face now, breaking away from her, all out of breath.

She liked him best this way, she decided, all heady with want, his eyes glazed and his lips bitten. He kissed her lightly, ignoring the timer.

“ _Bucky_ ,” she whispered. She wanted to say his name over and over, like a mantra.

She melted into him, his mouth slanting over hers, her eyes shutting as he drank from her, the kiss ending with his forehead pressed to hers.

Finally picking up her phone to silence it, she saw the time was after six. She thought of the research she was meant to be doing for the play and passed a hand over her face.

“You wanna go?” Bucky asked, and she nodded, feeling guilty.

He gave her a little smile and rubbed her arm, pressing a kiss to her neck.

“Don’t worry about it…”

Darcy frowned at him, still busy catching up with reality, the way he was tussling with her moments ago still replaying in her head.

“You want a quickie on the couch as our first time?” he added, which surprised her. “I mean to make it a little longer than that.”

“How am I supposed to go home and work with _that_ in my head?” she said toward the ceiling, before putting her face in her hands, groaning dramatically.

His hand was massaging the back of her neck and Darcy hummed, taking her hands away and smiling slowly.

“Can we go get dinner sometime?” Bucky said, and Darcy nodded, distracted. “Darce.”

“Yeah, of course,” she said, glancing at him. “Is that – I mean, are we -?”

“Are we dating?” he said, and she nodded. “I hoped… I hoped we were.”

“We are,” Darcy said, turning to cradle his face in her hands. “If that’s what you want.”

He frowned a little at that. “Sweetheart, it ain’t about what _I_ want. What about you?”

“Yes, I want you,” she said, kissing him on the lips once, twice. “I want to date you. I want to kiss you, I want everything. I’ve wanted it for a while…”

“But you’re worried about Steve,” he said, and her brows hiked.

“Oh, that minor issue of you already having a boyfriend?” she retorted, and his fingers pinched her thigh and she jumped slightly, laughing in surprise a second later.

“You want him to be your boyfriend, too?” he said, nuzzling her. “Huh? Do you want him, too?”

Darcy sighed as he kissed her neck, his teeth grazing her skin and making her shiver.

“Huh?”

“I can’t think,” she whispered. She cleared her throat. “I didn’t see him once today. I missed him. I just haven’t been in this situation before.”

“Neither have we,” Bucky murmured. “We never wanted the same person before, at the same time.”

They made out for a few more minutes, Darcy’s mouth feeling rubbed raw by the time Bucky finally drew back, a wolfish grin she hadn’t seen before spreading across his face.

“Your lipstick’s fuckin’ ruined,” he murmured, his voice making Darcy wetter than ever, since it was all low and rough.

“I have to go,” she babbled.

She walked out of his apartment, feeling light-headed and dumb with how sexed up she felt without anything going beyond second base, Bucky’s hand squeezing hers as she gave him a final kiss.

“Think about a place we’ll go,” she murmured, and he nodded, his throat working.

She wasn’t selfish enough to expect him to go along with whatever she wanted, because she knew he’d be reluctant to go somewhere unfamiliar and scary. She kept thinking of his mouth on hers with his tender eyes taking her in as she spent the rest of her night alone at home.

She was buzzing with arousal for hours and didn’t know what to do with herself, except the obvious.

-

Darcy saw Steve for the first time when he brought the second-graders into the library for the literacy lesson. They’d been messaging through Google docs about the lesson, but otherwise they hadn’t caught up since New Year’s.

Darcy kept watching him, kept sharing eye-contact over the students and in between the shelves when it was quiet reading and borrowing time. She repeated what Bucky asked her yesterday, the question she hadn’t answered him:

_Do you want him, too?_

God, yes. If he asked her again, she’d give Bucky an emphatic _fuck, yeah_ but they were in the middle of class.

It didn’t stop her from admiring his red flannel shirt or the way his slacks hugged his ass. It didn’t stop her from wearing a cute outfit as she anticipated seeing him. Her short skirt with thick black tights underneath seemed to do the trick, by the way his eyes fell to her legs more than once during the hour-long lesson.

Had he been avoiding her? She stared at the back of his head while a student tried to get her attention at the circulation desk, and she felt her face flush when Steve turned to look at her, catching her.

“Sorry, honey,” she murmured to Teddy. She borrowed the book for him, putting a pink Post-It note inside reminding Tia exactly when it was due in large marker print with an improvised smiley-face.

“Everyone, we’re heading back to the classroom,” Steve called, and everyone began to scramble to get in line, including Teddy.

Darcy was left alone, letting out a long raspberry under her breath as she leaned against the circulation desk.

The rest of the day was a lot like yesterday, a flurry of things Darcy could barely keep up with. Someone brought in lemon squares and she ate it on the go, waving to Bruce on her way to see Wanda before the end of school. They agreed to cut library time a few minutes short and extend the morning time to not interfere with rehearsals or kids getting the chance to use the library.

She was packing books away, kids filing out after she rung her little bell, when she finally had a chance to catch her breath, sighing as she pressed her forehead to the shelf.

She heard a creak on the staircase and moved back a little to see Steve walking up, hand up. She felt her stomach flip, her face flushing.

“Hey,” he whispered, and she felt herself smile.

He was always just so goddamn _nice_ to her, unprovoked. He touched the back of his head, smiling back at her as he moved closer.

“I missed you so much,” she whispered back, the words spilling out of her. “I didn’t see you at all yesterday –”

“It’s fine,” he cut in. “Everyone was busy…”

“Steve…”

They only looked at one another for a long time. Darcy thought of the day she came back here, after she had her interview with Maria, how he was so happy for her.

_You got the job!_

“Steve –”

He took the half a stride to reach her, cutting her off with a kiss, crashing his lips into hers with a force she hadn’t expected. She thought made he’d be tentative like Bucky, keeping his distance, but he took no time at all to push his tongue between her lips, swallowing her moan as he took hold of her by the waist, his other hand deep in her hair.

He backed her into the shelf and he ducked to scoop her up properly, both hands on her hips, and Darcy thought of her initial fantasy of him kissing her just like this, pushing her up the shelves with her thighs wrapped around his middle.

“Fuck – Steve,” she hissed, his lips breaking away from hers to mouth at her neck, his breath hot and ragged, fumbling and slamming her into the shelf again. “ _Fuck_.”

She thought about shoving his hand between her legs, she was suddenly so possessed with need that she rolled her hips against him, the movement not quite fluent as she was pinned between the books and his broad chest.

He huffed, managing to reach the skin of her chest and Darcy moaned again, her fingers like claws in his hair as he sucked at her breast, trying to push down her bra cup to reach her nipple –

Darcy’s phone began to chime, signifying it was time for rehearsal, and Steve reeled back.

“Fuck…”

“Wanda’s waiting for me,” Darcy managed to whisper.

“Yeah,” he murmured.

He placed her on the floor, both of them adjusting their clothes. Darcy saw the unmistakable outline of his erection in his slacks. So she hadn’t imagined that nudging her crotch just seconds ago…

She stumbled out of the shelves and down the stairs to fix her makeup in the forward-facing camera of her phone. Steve eventually walked down, still panting a little like Darcy was, fingers running through his hair.

“I, uh –”

“It’s fine, don’t wait up for me,” Darcy cut in.

“I was gonna say, I was hopin’ you’d give Wanda a rain check,” he admitted, and Darcy bit her lip.

His eyes were almost black.

“No rush though,” he added. “I mean, I can wait.”

He meant he could wait for her like Bucky was yesterday. They could take this further some other time, no matter how painfully frustrating it was. Darcy thought of her vibrator she was charging at home.

“I hope that’s not for long,” she said.

“God, I hope so, too,” Steve replied.

She couldn’t quite believe he’d just done that to her. This sweet, polite man was a complete animal underneath his button-down shirts and manners. She hoped she could bring that out of him again.

She bent over to retrieve her bag and she threw him a little smirk over her shoulder, straightening up again a second later.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she murmured, moving to walk past him.

He tugged her back by the wrist and she was kissed hard, her hand resting against his belt buckle for a few seconds as he sucked the breath out of her. He pulled back with a smack of their lips, his hand gripping the front of her shirt.

“We have to be good,” she whispered into his open mouth. He kissed her without closing his eyes, and Darcy pushed him with a hand to his chest. “Steve –”

“Fuck,” he whispered, finally conceding, letting her go.

Darcy began to walk out of the library, looking back at him.

“When you’re done in here, lock the door,” she said.

She lost her composure when she was alone in the corridor, her legs like jelly as everything sunk in, her cheeks ablaze as she tried to piece herself back together, to head toward the theater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *stares at the camera like I'm on The Office*  
> *sighs*  
> *files nails*
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com)


	30. Part Thirty: Desk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are 30 fucking chapters already, what the fuck

_You've got this golden way_  
 _Of making my body sway_  
 _Of making my mind fly away_  
 _Of making it fly_  
\- **"Witches" by Alice Phoebe Lou**

**Part Thirty:**

**Desk**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Darcy was too excited to sleep that night. She managed to drift off, and she was sure she’d dreamed about Bucky or Steve or possibly the pair of them with her by how she woke up a few minutes before her alarm sweaty and needy between her legs.

Yesterday she’d left the theater and pouted about being left alone in the parking lot despite what she said to Steve – specifically, ‘don’t wait up for me’. In all honesty, she couldn’t get a hold on the situation even more than twelve hours later. If that was how he kissed, what would it be like if things escalated? She kept feeling hot all over and restless as she got ready for the day.

“Okay, get it together,” she muttered to herself, after she put her face in her hands in front of the bathroom mirror.

Opening the library in the morning ten minutes earlier meant very little to the children, who all seemed to swarm around the same time anyway. Darcy managed to keep up with the returns and loans but had to deal with one spoiled book that was covered in what she suspected was strawberry soy milk. She ran out of tissues just as Steve walked in, Darcy’s heartbeat picking up the second she saw him.

“Hey,” he said, grinning at her, then his eyes scanned the upstairs area to see several children hanging around. He lowered his voice slightly. “How was rehearsals yesterday?”

“Okay. I think Riley’s wiping the floor with the rest of the cast,” Darcy muttered, throwing out the tissues. She sighed, putting her hands to her nose to sniff. “Gross.”

“You need help?”

Darcy met his eyes, a dangerous game, since he looked like there was more to what he was saying, but this wasn’t the time or place to reciprocate any potential flirting. She shook her head, feeling herself flush further.

“Riley’s amazing,” Steve went on. “I think she’s just one of those girls – she’s good at everything she does. Except maybe her choices in boys.”

“Oh?” Darcy said, pushing aside the ruined book, moving back to the computer to check her email. “Someone I know?”

“Well,” Steve said, and by the look he gave her, his brows raised pointedly, Darcy slumped, thinking the worst.

“No.”

“Well,” Steve said again. “He’s kind of popular with the girls–”

Darcy dropped her voice to a harsh whisper. “What is wrong with kids these days? How is Tommy Rumlow cute to them? He’s such a little… _prick_ –”

She closed her eyes, groaning, remembering she had seen Riley and Tommy whispering together yesterday when they were meant to be running lines.

“I’ll talk to her,” Darcy said, and Steve shook his head.

“Don’t, she’ll only like him more,” he said.

Darcy made a face. “I’m… cool. The kids like me.”

Steve chuckled, glancing away to a student who was coughing with his mouth open and he motioned coughing into his elbow. The kid retroactively copied him, and Steve sighed.

“Didn’t you just say ‘what’s wrong with kids these days’?” he murmured.

The way he was looking at her, teasing and boyish, made Darcy want to grab him by the front of his shirt like he did to her yesterday. She narrowed her eyes slightly instead.

“Nice dress,” he added.

It made her think of all the other times he complimented her outfits. Back then, she assumed he was just admiring something to do with colors and shapes, being an art teacher. She felt a little stupid then, cringing inwardly as Steve watched her overthink.

She passed a hand over her face, glancing at her screen and then back to Steve.

“Thanks. I like those shirts you wear,” she said.

It was off-handed but he looked down, as if he’d forgotten what he was wearing. It was a navy flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He wore the same slacks as yesterday, with the same black belt with a silver buckle Darcy grabbed.

“This?”

“Yeah,” Darcy said.

He went quiet, leaning against the desk as Darcy scrolled, barely concentrating on her screen. She thought of those big hands wrapped around her waist as he lifted her up –

“You got a planning session?” Darcy asked.

“After lunch, yeah,” Steve murmured. “You?”

He knew she did. He wanted her to say it out loud. Darcy’s eyes swiveled to meet his and she felt grounded to the spot with how he was looking at her, completely inappropriate for so early in the morning.

“Yeah,” she murmured.

“What’s up?”

Steve stepped back from the desk as Wanda walked in, sipping her coffee and smirking at them. Darcy hadn’t told her a thing about yesterday, and she didn’t know if she could keep it secret by how obviously she tried to snap out of her needy haze.

“I told her about Riley’s crush,” Steve said, and Wanda rolled her eyes.

Darcy was grateful for the change of subject. They talked about the play for several minutes, until it was close to the first bell. Wanda shot them both a look.

“Annabeth’s complaining about the heating again, is Bucky on that?”

Darcy shrugged. Being reminded of Bucky made her feel something indiscernible, something that made her guts twist as Steve began to answer:

“I dunno, he’s probably got other shit to contend with than whether or not Mrs Hendrickson’s got a little chill.”

Wanda made a show of folding her arms, scoffing loudly, then gestured to him as she shot Darcy a look.

“Do you hear this guy giving me attitude at barely after 8.30 on a Wednesday?” she said, and Darcy felt her lips quirk. “Swearing and telling me 35 degrees constitutes _a little chill_? Steeb.”

Steve frowned, putting a hand on his hip. “Look –”

“Whatever, I’m sure you won’t mind me turning off the radiators in your class room, since you’re fine,” Wanda cut in, and Darcy began to giggle. “Or when it’s June and you’re sweating again, I’ll tell you not to complain about how suffocating it is in this ancient building…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve grumbled.

The bell went and Wanda shrugged. “Saved. I think I won that argument pretty conclusively.”

The students began to file out as Wanda retreated, wriggling her fingers at Darcy. When they were left alone, the door was still wide open and Steve glanced at it, then his head turned back to her.

His eyes dipped to her mouth and Darcy’s brows rose ever so slightly.

“Buck busy this morning?” she murmured.

He flashed a little smile. “You thinkin’ about him right now?”

“Trying not to,” she said.

“Why?”

“Because you’re gonna break my brain,” she admitted. “The pair of you.”

She heard a barrage of footsteps in the corridor and Steve was momentarily distracted, glancing toward the sound.

“We’d put you back together again,” he murmured, and Darcy shook her head, moving back.

“Get away from me,” she whispered, but she was smiling at him, feeling hot.

Steve put up his hands, beginning to back away. Darcy watched him leave, letting out a long breath when she was alone once more.

-

Hope’s class was a little out of sorts when Darcy had to deal with them running around her library, so she was distracted for most of the morning with the aftermath, putting books away and trying to straighten things that had been literally knocked over.

When the hell was shit supposed to slow down? It was their third day back and everything felt so overwhelming. By the time she got to the afternoon and she knew she’d be seeing Steve again, she couldn’t stop worrying about all that could go wrong, unrelated to either Bucky or Steve.

She leaned her face against her desk and sighed, feeling like she could fall asleep like a horse, her eyes feeling heavy. She could hear Steve was next door while the rest of their little corner of the building was otherwise silent. Darcy wiped down the circulation desk to buy herself some more time before she picked up her folder and walked out.

She knocked lightly on Steve’s door that stood ajar, and she saw he was sat at his desk with his concentration frown in full effect. He glanced up, instantly relaxing, and Darcy felt herself blush all over.

“Hey.”

She always seemed to go all light and breathy around him nowadays. She wasn’t sure when that started, but she needed to not be so obvious. She thought of the other people who could see her turning to goo, prompting her to shut the door behind her and press the button on the door knob to lock it.

He sat back a little, his chair squeaking, and Darcy walked over, putting her folder down on his desk. She used to do this constantly – just be around him while she did her work, but now it felt so different, like starting over. The problem was that she was hyper aware of where his body was in relation to hers. Before, she was able to orient herself with an interest, but she didn’t want to sweat and shiver in delight. Before, she only knew what it felt like to have him kiss her cheek or give her a friendly hug. She remembered his mouth on her chest yesterday and swallowed, opening her folder and picking up a pen from the holder on his desk.

He hadn’t said a word for a few minutes when Darcy glanced up at him, to check if he was working. She wasn’t doing so well, reading the same line several times, the words jumbling. It was about their intention for comprehension. The class was meant to talk about their familiarity with the story of _Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland_. They had themes to cover, and Darcy had a lot of ideas, but right now nothing was coming to mind.

Their eyes met and Darcy tapped her pen against her cheek, once, twice –

“You’re distractin’ me,” Steve whispered, and she swallowed, her throat dry.

“Yeah?’

“Mm-hmm,” he replied, a smile forming, and he put down his pen, leaning closer so he was glancing at her paper upside down on the desk between them. “What’s this?”

“Victorian childhood,” Darcy murmured.

His fingers wrapped around her wrist as he stroked her skin idly, his eyes roving her. Darcy felt her heartbeat pick up, a heat of pleasure stirring inside her.

“What’re you writing about?” she asked.

“Depth and shadow,” he replied, his other hand reaching to stroke her cheek with his thumb.

He was touching her like she was his. Finally acknowledging that instead of pretending she had any intention of doing any work made Darcy flood with fresh arousal, her eyes meeting his, and she breathed his scent in. He smelt a lot like Bucky, vaguely sweet among his masculine musk. They smelt of one another, rubbing off each other. She thought of them kissing in the library and she looked down again, biting her lip.

“I’m, uh,” she muttered, then shook her head, his hand leaving her face. “Sorry, I…”

She looked at him again, seeing the steady way he took her in, his eyes darker than normal.

“Fuck it,” she whispered, and stood up, taking his face in her hands to kiss him.

He placed his hands on her waist again and she gasped, his tongue hot and demanding as he slipped into her mouth, and she was overcome from his searing touch.

So she hadn’t dreamed just how intense it was to kiss Steve Rogers. She thought maybe her memories had amplified it, but she was wrong – he was kissing her like he couldn’t get enough of her, making her whimper against him as he began to pull her over the desk, pens and papers falling to the floor.

“C’mere, c’mere,” he hissed, and he sat back down in his chair, Darcy in his lap as his hands squeezed her thighs, their hips grinding together as he captured her in another kiss.

She felt dizzy as he felt her all over, his mouth moving down her neck, Darcy’s hands trying to grip his shirt, to feel his skin somewhere. She was even turned on by the feel of the tendons on his thick forearms.

“This what you meant by a rain check?” she gasped, his lips sealing over her pulse point as he grabbed a handful of her ass. “Christ –”

He pulled back a little to nip at her chin, his eyes bright. He lifted her to place her on the desk, her legs slightly apart.

“Maybe,” he replied, moving in to kiss her without closing his eyes. His hand moved from her rear to the side of her thigh and then lower to the hem of her dress. “Except you wouldn’t be wearin’ tights.”

“Yeah?” she whispered, just because she wanted to elaborate.

Darcy guided his hand under her skirt with their eyes glued to one another and Darcy watched his cheeks flush as he reached the top of the garment, Darcy’s hips lifting to pull down the material.

“What’re we doing?” she whispered, and he shook his head.

“Shouldn’t do this here…”

“No, but you want to,” she retorted, and her tights her down to her knees, her heart racing.

She heard footsteps outside, a child screaming and then a teacher telling them off, and Darcy froze, her eyes widening.

Something snapped back into place and she moved back, her eyes flying shut.

“Oh, God.”

“It’s okay, I need to keep it –” Steve said, his hand withdrawing from under her dress. “We got a little carried away, it’s fine.”

She could see the outline of his erection and she wanted to reach out and squeeze him, to make it feel more real, as if his hand so close to her crotch hadn’t already done just that.

She shifted, pulling her tights back up, smoothing her dress down. She felt out of breath, panting as she stared at him, his hand rubbing his face.

“You sure it’s okay?” she said, unable to stop herself from teasing him.

She gave a little giggle as he sighed. He moved up from his seat, moving to stand between her open legs, taking hold of her face by the chin to kiss her.

She moaned at how thorough he was, only pulling back for air, his chest heaving.

“No-one around, you’d fuck me?” she whispered, and his jaw grit for a second. “Wouldn’t expect Mr Steve Rogers, gentle sweetheart, to be so naughty…”

“I’d fuck you,” he replied, and Darcy wished she could remember the way he looked at her when he said it, a real hunger to his expression.

“How?”

“Don’t,” he said, and she gave a wicked smile.

“I should probably get the fuck outta here, before either of us get fired.”

He glanced at her mouth again.

“Not done kissin’ you,” he murmured, sounding different. “You sure you’re okay?”

Darcy frowned, feeling confused. “About us?”

He nodded. “I know you n’ Buck are already startin’ somethin’…”

“You’re getting more Brooklyn, baby,” Darcy said, and he gave her a fond smile in return.

“I get more Brooklyn the dumber I am,” he murmured. “Can’t think when I’m around ya…”

He was saying all the right things. She hated to burst his bubble, but he read it on her face, how she was beginning to hesitate and suspect things were too good to be true.

“I can wait,” he said.

“No, I’m just – I’m just not used to any of this,” she admitted. “Having two people want me at the same time. I’ve always been monogamous.”

“We are –”

“Steve, it’s not the same thing,” Darcy cut in, laughing a little. “And having both of you wanting to kiss me, and be with me? It’s a lot.”

“So we take a second.”

“We don’t have sex at work, for a start,” Darcy retorted. “Hand up my dress or not…”

“Okay, okay,” he said, and he pressed a kiss to her nose. “I just wanted to – just wanted to touch you…”

He slanted his mouth over hers and Darcy sighed into it, clutching his shirt as he drank from her. She loved to see the little freckles and moles that dotted his skin up close, his lashes against his cheeks.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” she whispered as they drew apart, and he gave a little smile.

“You’re gorgeous,” he retorted. “I’d tell ya exactly where to pinch me, ‘cause it feels like I’m dreamin'-”

“Mr Rogers, we’re at school,” Darcy murmured, her hand still dipping under his shirt to feel his stomach. “We need to plan. And work. This is a workplace –”

He peppered her face with kisses, and Darcy heard him grunt when she retaliated with a hand ghosting over the length of him below his belt.

“Stop.”

“Okay,” he said, pulling back with a smack of their lips. “But stay on my desk.”

They were able to keep apart from one another for another couple minutes, before Steve’s hand came to rest on Darcy’s knee as they talked through the next literacy lesson they had together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this chapter a little plotless? I mean, yes? But you're not mad about it.
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	31. Part Thirty One: I Like You So Much

_In the end, it's stronger than I know how to be_  
_And I can't just spend my whole lifetime wondering_  
**\- "The Moment" by Tame Impala**

_Know you got your own shit, and all of it together_  
_And you know you got your own space, right here forever, baby_  
**\- "GINGER" by BROCKHAMPTON**

**Part Thirty One:**

**I Like You So Much**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

“Words are hard right now,” Wanda mumbled, rubbing her eyes with both hands.

She glanced at Darcy, who was currently eating a sad peanut butter and jelly sandwich at the circulation desk. Wanda cleared her throat. The library was empty.

“Did that… did that make sense?” she added. “What I said?”

“Yeah,” Darcy replied, swallowing.

She hadn’t seen either Steve or Bucky all of that day. She thought maybe something was crashing inside her, because she could barely keep upright. She wanted to sit all the time, or at least lean against something. She still had that afternoon with rehearsals and the whole of Friday to go. Lunchtime was already twenty minutes gone, and she’d barely had a chance to rest. Wanda had to worry about elaborate lessons on top of the _Alice_ production.

Darcy could see why Wanda said she missed Jarvis all the time. She loved making out with Steve yesterday. It was like a little escape from her responsibilities, among all the giddiness. She felt so good, being held and touched that way. She knew it was so much wiser to draw a line. She didn’t want to be a hypocrite and actually have sex at work. She thought of Patrick again and tried to not draw comparisons. She undoubtedly liked being kissed by Steve and Bucky so much more than her old boss.

“Darcy.”

“Hmm?” Darcy said, giving a deep sigh. “I swear I’m here.”

She glanced at where Wanda was pointing and saw Annabeth standing in the doorway, her hand on her hip.

“Come in,” she said, feeling the dread set in immediately.

She hadn’t said a word to Annabeth in weeks. It seemed like they were purposely avoiding one another, which was fine with Darcy. Whatever Annabeth had to say had to be deeply important enough for her to condescend to speak to her. She tried to not roll her eyes as Annabeth approached, her arms folding over her chest.

“I thought I’d let you know that we’re planning on having a bake sale next week.”

Darcy frowned, Wanda doing the same.

“We were –”

Annabeth put up a hand. “Ours was planned six months ago.”

“Can’t we combine them?” Darcy suggested.

“That would confuse people. I thought you should have a heads up, in case the play is seriously affected by it,” Annabeth said. “I spoke to Maria already, and she agrees.”

Darcy doubted Maria folded that easily. Wanda shrugged.

“I’m fine with confusion. Maybe we could advertise in the newsletter,” Wanda said. “Or go on Facebook.”

“How’s the play coming along, anyway?” Annabeth asked, smiling and glancing between them, ignoring Wanda’s suggestion. “Carrie’s mom said the kids were told to bring in old bed sheets.”

“We’re being thrifty,” Darcy said.

“I would be more than happy to race down to Joann’s myself and buy you some yards of fabric if it’s really that bad,” Annabeth said, putting a hand on her chest.

Darcy wondered how many ways Annabeth would try to make her feel poor. She was sure there had to be some limit, but she seemed to be inviting Darcy to retort with something nasty. Darcy wasn’t dumb enough to stoop to her level, or maybe she was just too tired.

All she did was stare at her for several seconds, until Annabeth made a face to emphasise how awkward Darcy was making things. Wanda suppressed a smirk but looking away and tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Thought I’d put it out there,” Annabeth eventually said, shrugging. She turned to leave, before pausing, her finger raised. “By the way, have you seen Bucky anywhere? He’s not responding to any requests –”

“About what?” Darcy cut in, immediately defensive.

“Very _reasonable_ requests that he does something about the light bulbs in my room again. I don’t know how many times he has to keep _changing_ them –”

“Could be the wiring,” Darcy said.

“Why do we even have him if he’s not doing anything about that?”

Darcy recalled the snow that wasn’t covering the pathways, or how the yard was always perfectly manicured, every plant in its right place. She made herself shrug instead of giving her usual snarky response.

Annabeth left, and Darcy let out a scoff, her eyes meeting Wanda’s.

“That woman is exhausting.”

“Why does she work here?” Darcy asked. “Why does she work at all?”

“She can’t be as much of a control freak at home, with all her maids and whatever,” Wanda muttered. “And I _knew_ she was going to ask about the goddamn bake sale. I saw her cross out a name on the volunteer list, the one parents sign.”

“Whose name -?”

“Tia Rothschild, who else,” Wanda muttered. “And I know why they hate her – she’s white trash. She got to where she is by her looks alone and they hate her for it, though she’s so sweet. She’s like the popular girl at school that was nice when she didn’t have to be.”

“If she’s on the warpath with Bucky, I don’t want to be the one to get in her way,” Darcy said, feeling herself become more irritable. “She’ll get a black eye from me, and then I’ll definitely get fired.”

Wanda let out a little giggle, before it faded fast. Darcy reached out to touch her hand, since Wanda deflated so suddenly, a faraway look in her eye.

“It’s my brother,” she muttered. “I sort of pushed away all the bad feelings for a while. The holidays are the worst. Having no family and the anniversary –”

She cut herself off, letting out a shaky breath.

“When people say that you value life more when you lose someone, I don’t think it’s that way for everyone,” she went on. “At least, it wasn’t that way for me.”

“I know,” Darcy murmured.

She’d felt that way, too. When her grandma died, she’d been angry at anyone who told her what Magda would have wanted was Darcy moving on with life and living to the fullest. Life wasn’t beautiful for the longest time, simply because the universe seemed indifferent to Darcy’s pain.

“You know what he said to me, the last thing Pietro said to me?” Wanda said, and Darcy shook her head. “He said, ‘see you’. The final irony.”

She shook her head. Her eyes snapped to Darcy’s, full of tears.

“Sorry for being such a downer –”

Darcy came around and hugged her tight, unsure of what to say. Wanda let out a little sniff, pulling back.

“God, today of all days, you turned it the fuck out,” she mumbled, giving a wet smile. “Your outfit-”

Darcy wore her little wiggle dress, a deep aubergine one she teamed with a black cardigan and shiny Mary Janes, anticipating either Steve or Bucky would see her in it and admire it closely.

“Thanks.”

“Life is fucking short,” Wanda said, wiping her eyes. “I mean, do you _know_ how short life is?”

She checked the time on her phone, tutting.

“You need to go?” Darcy asked, and Wanda nodded.

“I’ll see you after. I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Darcy said, squeezing Wanda’s hand as she turned to leave.

She stared at the circulation desk for a whole minute before she decided to move. The bell rang just as she finished processing some more returns, a student racing in at the last minute. When Darcy was alone again, she checked her phone, seeing Bucky had replied to her last text but hadn’t added anything else. Their conversations were usually about Alpine or dumb little things, but every time her phone vibrated, her stomach flipped automatically.

She waited until she was sure that all the kids had gone into their classrooms and no one else was out in the yard before she ducked out, keeping her eyes on the ground as she walked swiftly toward the shed. She gave a couple knocks, hearing Bucky grunt something within, and she couldn’t help smirking.

She opened the door, peeking around the corner to smile at Bucky who’d turned in his chair. She slipped inside, shutting the door behind her and leaned against it.

“Hi,” she said, grinning at him.

He’d gone a little pink, and Darcy was flattered that her giving him the slightest bit of attention warranted that reaction from him. He ran a hand through his hair.

“What’s… uh, what’s the occasion?” he asked, and she stepped forward, moving into his personal space, since she was drawn to him like a magnet.

“Thought I’d stop by, tell you Mrs Hendrickson is wanting her wiring checked,” she said, coming close enough that she was standing over him, his hand reaching out to touch the bottom of her dress. “That and I missed your face.”

“This particular face?” he murmured, and she nodded. “I should be tellin’ you off for the stunt you pulled yesterday –”

Darcy frowned, tilting her head. “What?”

He let go of her dress to reach for his shirt, pushing the neckline down far enough to reveal a purple mark on his neck close to his clavicle, his lip curling in a smirk as Darcy took it in.

“That’s what I got yesterday, on account of you bein’ on Steve’s lap.”

“You’re complaining to me that you got laid?” Darcy retorted. “Is that what you’re doing now?”

Him revealing this part of his life to her without shame made her feel that much closer to the pair of them, and she bit her lip, grinning at him. She was undoubtedly jealous, but only because she hadn’t witnessed it herself. She rose a hand to brush her fingers over the mark, her eyes falling to Bucky’s, seeing his lips part at her touch.

“That date?” he said, and she nodded at him, watching his lips move. “That still happenin’? ‘Cause Steve made it sound like he’d be there, too.”

“Bit presumptuous,” Darcy murmured, and Bucky grinned, the sight making her insides melt all the more.

“I thought so, too,” he replied. “What’d he do, to put the moves on you yesterday?”

“He said ‘come here’, I think. I practically ran,” Darcy said, giggling at how Bucky’s head tilted. “He caught me off-guard the other day.”

“Grabbin’ you in the library?” Bucky said, and Darcy nodded. “He’s a bossy jackass that way.”

God, she could hardly wait to see how that further translated, especially with that look he got in his eye when she teased him yesterday.

“You’re pretty charming, too,” she murmured. “From what I remember.”

“Yeah?” he said, and she nodded. His hand let go of his shirt finally and he placed the tips of his forefinger and middle finger on her lips. “What's that on your lips?”

“Hmm?”

He took the short distance to reach her mouth and kissed her lightly, and Darcy giggled.

“My lips,” he whispered.

She kissed him, but Bucky was the one to deepen it, plying her mouth open gently, with a reverence that made her grip him by the hair tighter, causing him to sigh against her, his hands on her waist. She drew back slowly, lips brushing over his to delay fully letting him go.

“I want that date now,” she whispered.

“Yeah. Me, too,” he murmured. He swallowed, something else clearly on his mind by how quiet he went again. He seemed almost shy.

She searched him, stroking his cheekbone.

“I don’t want to be a let down,” he murmured.

“You couldn’t ever be,” Darcy said, shaking her head adamantly.

“Don’t,” he whispered. “Just – maybe lower your expectations. This week’s been shitty.”

She hadn’t asked him about his symptoms in a little while. She let out a soft groan, shutting her eyes briefly.

“I’m so selfish,” she whispered, pulling him into a hug, his face pressed into her chest with her arms around him. “I’m sorry. Am I pushing you too much?”

He shook his head, moving back to look up at her, but he didn’t commit to eye contact, his eyes shifting to her hand that held one of his, their fingers twining.

“I think if it’s the three of us, you won’t have a complete disaster,” he murmured.

“Do you mean that?” she said. “Because I don’t think it could ever be like that. You asked me on a date first, your boyfriend hasn’t said shit to me.”

“What a punk,” Bucky said, a little smile there before it faded again. “He’s easier to talk to.”

“I like you,” she said, her words firm. “I like you _so much_ , alright?”

She held his gaze, until he nodded. She wasn’t sure if he believed her, but she dropped the subject, giving him another hug, kissing his crown.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she murmured. “Even though… you know, I have to go now to go back to the library.”

He let out a little chuckle and they separated.

“TFIF tomorrow,” she added, and he nodded.

Thank Fuck It’s Friday tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	32. Part Thirty Two: The First Date Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a bad week. I hope yours is better. ❤

_I remember when your head caught flame_  
 _It kissed your scalp and caressed your brain_  
\- "Buzzcutt Season" by Lorde

**Part Thirty Two:**

**The First Date Part I**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Darcy didn’t know how Maria managed to look so good when she had even more to stress about that Wanda or herself.

She sat opposite her at lunchtime on Friday, both of them eating on the desk while Maria conducted their brief meeting. It was the only chance Darcy had to see her all week. Even the staff meeting on Tuesday morning had been full of other issues, like how much they were going to cover before Martin Luther King Jr. weekend. It felt as though the entirety of Sacred Heart was racing to catch up, as if the short vacation had only derailed them further.

Maria stabbed a cherry tomato with her fork. “Go ahead.”

“The bake sale next week-”

She watched as Maria gave a short sigh, but she pressed on.

“- I think we can still make it work. The production could really use the donations. We’ll sell in another area to wherever Annabeth is.”

“There are parent-teacher committee reps, too,” Maria said. “Not just Annabeth or Lois or Flo.”

“I’m really grateful you’ve given me this time when you know the rehearsals are every day after school,” Darcy said, pushing aside her sandwich, making sure she remained eye contact with Maria to drive her point home. “But we can’t let her bully us into everything like always.”

“Am I not authoritative enough?” Maria said, one brow lifting.

“I didn’t mean that,” Darcy said immediately, regretting her approach. “I just know that she tries to execute her control beyond what she’s entitled to-”

“This isn’t anything new, Darcy,” Maria said, a little bitter laugh escaping. “It’s just the perception of others that there’s some kind of power vacuum since the principal left.”

Darcy nodded, choosing to fall silent instead of arguing further, but Maria waited for her, her fork still in her Tupperware container.

“I worry about people like Bucky,” Darcy admitted, hoping that for once she wouldn’t physically react to the abrupt change of subject by blushing all over. “It’s like she’s trying to get him fired at any chance she gets. What did he ever do to her?”

“He hasn’t told you?” Maria said, and Darcy shook her head, feeling her stomach drop. “There was an incident two years ago, when he first started working here. The principal had him on probation and Annabeth complained that he didn’t look fit to work here, that it gave parents the wrong impression about the school’s reputation-”

“Why?” Darcy said, folding her arms.

At that moment, she pictured grabbing Annabeth by her chestnut hair and throwing her against the wall in the corridor outside the library, but she couldn’t quite capture the sound, how the older woman would cry out in fright.

“He had some type of…” Maria looked away, at the shut door behind Darcy. “He wasn’t completely conscious, and Annabeth told him to get out of sight, to leave the yard. She was on duty and he was shaking while he was trying to rake leaves.”

Maria took a deep breath.

“She touched him without asking. It’s a common mistake, but he struck her, a back hand to her face.”

Bucky would never have meant to do that. Darcy could recall his panic attack at Christmas, and how embarrassed he was in the aftermath, how it completely sapped him of all of his energy.

“There was a whole thing about it,” Maria added, and Darcy stared at a spot on her desk, listening. “He’s great at the rest of his job, but Annabeth said she’d sue, she threatened all types of repercussions. We barely convinced her not to charge him with assault.”

Darcy swallowed. “So she can do whatever she wants as long as he’s here?”

“I know he avoids her mostly, but she went above and beyond,” Maria said, nodding. “She wanted him to wear a uniform. She wanted us to tell parents that he was here as a type of charity thing the school was participating in.”

“So no-one would believe he was here because he’s good at his job?” Darcy snapped, and Maria nodded.

“I’m trying my best just to appease her so she doesn’t retaliate. She knows I have a soft spot for him,” Maria muttered. “I’m sorry that it feels like you’ve been abandoned.”

Darcy shook her head, feeling worse.

“No, I was being unfair, I know you don’t let her get away with everything,” she said hurriedly. “I don’t know why she has it out for me, is all.”

“Because you’re close to him,” Maria said, and Darcy did blush then, much to her annoyance. “I think for a while she tried her best to get Steve to come over to her side, to get Bucky to quit.”

It was hard for Bucky to keep a job. Darcy remembered Steve saying that. She passed a hand over her face.

“But Steve’s Steve,” she murmured, feeling her lips quirk slightly.

“Yeah,” Maria breathed.

They sat in silence for a minute or so, while Darcy stared at the same spot on Maria’s desk. She felt her stomach twist with anxiety, thinking about how she was planning to date Bucky, and if anyone were to find out that things could get worse.

“She probably hoped you’d be another one of her friends,” Maria added with a sigh. “Except you turned out like Wanda, young and opinionated.”

Darcy shrugged. “My mom would tell me to keep it together. It’s one of my worst attributes, having a big mouth.”

Maria smirked. “You can make it up to your boss by buying her a drink tonight.”

Darcy had somehow forgotten about O’Sullivan’s. Being Friday night, all of the usual group would be planning to go. Darcy hadn’t figured out what her excuse was for bailing tonight. She could only blame how tired she was on her lack of ideas, so she should go with that.

“Rain check?” she said, making a show of stretching, the yawn coming naturally.

Maria waved at her, covering her mouth. “Don’t, don’t start or I won’t stop…”

She didn’t seem to need extra convincing, and Darcy departed from her office a few moments later.

-

“We can’t keep doing this, right?” Darcy muttered to Wanda through the corner of her mouth.

They were watching the kids from their two foldable chairs in the centre of the floor. They had been doing the same scene over and over, the Caucus Race, and Darcy could see Riley was beginning to lose her composure. She hadn’t put a foot wrong, while every other cast member kept flubbing their lines and stepping over one another in the process.

Riley glanced toward the ceiling, sighing dramatically.

“It’s like, eight more minutes,” Wanda muttered back.

“No, I mean doing this every afternoon,” Darcy said. “Riley’s going to kill someone–”

Wanda chuckled. “We’re meant to space out the rehearsals, the first couple weeks are always the worst.”

They both closed their eyes when the same kid missed their cue from last time and Wanda added:

“It’s Friday. May as well finish early.”

She got up from her chair, Darcy copying her.

“Okay, let’s call it for tonight, everyone. Thank you so much! Remember we’re back here on Monday, same time. Use this weekend wisely, please. I’m looking at you, Lenny.”

Lenny hadn’t got a single word right all week, and he was still their best White Rabbit. Lenny rose a hand to salute Wanda, who mirrored him with a little sigh.

She turned to Darcy as the kids began to put things away.

“Tequila time?”

“No, I’m wrecked,” Darcy said, putting up a hand. “Maybe next week. I just want a bubble bath and my bed…”

This lying was coming way too easily for her. She felt a little guilty because Wanda seemed to know everything else about her, but she didn’t want to confide in her things she hadn’t fully discussed with either Bucky or Steve. They walked out together as the kids were hanging around the parking lot, waiting to be picked up.

Darcy had checked her messages earlier and saw that Bucky hadn’t replied to her question, namely the one about where they were going tonight. She didn’t see any new messages from Steve either. Before she could call either of them, she spotted Tommy Rumlow with Riley.

Riley’s head was thrown back as she laughed, Tommy smiling down at her. There was undoubtedly some kind of flirting going on and it made Darcy’s heart sink a little, and she had to remind herself that they were teenagers and it wasn’t her business.

She saw Tommy touch Riley’s arm and Darcy set off toward them, her feet moving of their own accord. Riley’s smile faltered slightly as she spotted Darcy coming toward them, but Tommy seemed only amused by her arrival.

“Hey, Miss-”

She ignored him, looking at Riley.

“Riley, are your parents far away?”

“My mom’s probably stuck in traffic, but we’re okay,” she replied, biting her lip self-consciously.

Darcy could vaguely remember being thirteen. Back then, she thought she knew more than she actually did. It was bizarre that the older Darcy got, the less she felt she truly knew, at least compared to when she was first a teenager. She could recall thinking her mom was so annoying and embarrassing, when in reality Rachel was probably perfectly normal, just a typically nosy Jewish mom. She felt for her mom then, especially when Tommy gave her a smartass smirk.

“Yeah, we’re okay,” he added. “You can go home, Miss Lewis. Unless you want us to run lines again.”

“Where are your parents?” she replied, not addressing him by name.

“Somewhere,” he said, that smirk still on his handsome face.

She decided to hang around the front of the school, watching them until Tommy’s mom picked him up, leaving Riley with a little wave. When he was gone, Darcy walked back down, Riley’s head whipping toward her.

“Riley, listen to me.”

“What is it?”

“I know it’s not my business, but you can do better,” she said, and Riley frowned.

“You’re right, that’s not your business,” she replied, frowning. “Were you lying yesterday when you said I was smart?”

That caught Darcy off-guard, and stammered back:

“N-No, I meant that. You are smart.”

“So wouldn’t I be smart enough to make my own decisions?” she retorted. She put her hands on her narrow hips. “And why are _you_ judging _me_?”

Darcy’s eyes widened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re not a teacher,” Riley said. “My mom said you made Miss Maximoff make you co-director. She said you were a receptionist before you came here.”

Darcy couldn’t believe that Riley of all people was giving her grief today. She thought she’d at least give her a chance, but maybe she was a better actor that she’d ever known, making her believe she respected her enough to follow her instructions at school.

“Tommy said you tried to frame him for what happened to your car,” Riley added. “You pick on him because you got dumped. Everyone talks about you, all the time. You’re jealous of me because I have a boyfriend and you _don’t_.”

She gave Darcy one last look, her eyes running up and down her.

Darcy burst out laughing, which only made Riley glare at her. She kept laughing for several moments, just as a car pulled up at the curb and beeped at Riley. Darcy met the eyes of the woman in the front seat, a dark-skinned woman she assumed was the au pair and she rose a hand to her to wave.

Riley stalked off and Darcy watched her leave, sighing a little when she was standing alone again. She glanced up, seeing it had begun to snow. She shivered, walking toward the teachers’ parking lot to reach her car.

She slipped inside and took out her phone, dialling Bucky’s number with a press of a button, putting the device to her ear.

“Hey,” she said, before he could get a word in. “I’m finishing up.”

“I don’t know if, uh, I can…”

She felt her heart sink and she stuck her keys in the ignition, hastily starting the engine.

“Are you okay?”

“I meant to book a table somewhere but I couldn’t decide.”

“I’ll get us pizza, then,” Darcy said.

There was a pause and she listened to him breathe, picturing him with his face like stone. He sounded out of it.

“Buck, are you there? Are you home, or are you stuck?”

“Don’t know,” he answered after several seconds. “Steve ain’t here.”

“I’m asking about you, though, babe,” Darcy said, trying to sound less urgent. “What’s something you can do to ground yourself?”

There was a rustling and Darcy could hear he was pacing.

“Buck?”

“I name things I can see. Things in the room,” he muttered. “Four of ‘em.”

There was another pause and he drew in a breath.

“Uh. TV, lamp, table, couch.”

“Good,” Darcy said, feeling her eyes prickle. “That’s so good. Why don’t you sit down and I’ll be there _so_ fast, I promise.”

He didn’t say much else before she hung up and Darcy peeled out of the parking lot, hoping she wasn’t making a mistake by ending the call. She had to stop herself from speeding through the streets to Bucky’s place, the minutes crawling as she made her way over, parking outside his building. She almost fell on the sidewalk in her haste, the ground slippery, but she managed to get inside fast and safely.

She knocked on his door, trying to keep the fear out of her voice as she called out to him. She could hear him moving inside, the door opening a second later as Alpine snuck out.

Darcy stared up at him, taking one of his hands between hers.

“Hey.”

She leaned toward him, brushing his lips with hers in a brief kiss, Alpine rubbing her legs. She went inside, hearing the TV on as Bucky walked back to sit down on the couch, his face blank. He hadn’t returned their kiss.

“How are you?” she asked, and he glanced at her, the lines deep under his eyes.

She thought of yesterday in the shed, how he’d been quiet then, but he was worse now. She could feel the lump forming in her throat and she tried to swallow around it, kneeling at his feet, her hand on his knee.

“Buck.”

“Really shitty,” he grunted, and she nodded, face flushing. “Steve left before.”

Had they had a fight? Darcy blinked at him, gripping his knee a little tighter.

“Four things.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “That shit never fuckin’ works. I keep –”

He shot up, going back to pacing by the window, Darcy frozen on the floor.

“What can you feel, what is it?”

“I can smell the clay, the earth explodin’ next to me, I can feel the blood on my face,” he snapped, closing his eyes.

“Four things,” Darcy said, managing to get up from the floor.

Bucky’s eyes opened and he glared at her. “Why?”

“Because I want you to try. Four things.”

Bucky let out a shaky breath, eyes darting around the room.

“Alpine. TV. Remote. Bag.”

“Good,” Darcy said, giving a little smile.

The silence that followed made Darcy want to hide her face from him, he was looking at her like he hated her. He knew he was frustrated and afraid, but it made her feel guilty for ever trying to push him. Yesterday should have been enough warning for her to call this off.

“I’m sorry,” she said, ducking her head. “I should have-”

“You couldn’t’ve known how sick I was,” he snapped, and she nodded, her eyes stinging.

She wanted to go back to kissing him, but that would be a lie. If he was anyone else, she would have slept with him by now.

“I yelled at Steve,” he said, her voice a little quieter.

Darcy’s eyes met his. She took a deep breath.

“Maria told me about Annabeth. About – about how two years ago –”

His eyes widened considerably and she came closer to him, shaking her head.

“No, I’m _not_ mentioning it because I’m afraid of you or something, I promise I’m not,” she babbled. “I’m just nervous, I mean – fuck, Bucky…”

“You should call Steve, ask him to take you out,” Bucky said, moving back until he hit the wall, Darcy’s hands reaching for him. He tried to twist away from her. 

“Bucky, this is all my fault. I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Darcy said, feeling her eyes begin to well with tears.

Everything seemed to catch up with her. The stress, the exhaustion, the way Bucky was now. She only seemed to screw up, so she began to cry, putting her face in her hands.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I’m so sorry…”

She felt his arms wrap around her and she sniffled, her face buried in his neck as he kissed her face, murmuring:

“Don’t cry over me. Don’t do that.”

“I can’t help it,” she sobbed. “I just want you and I’m fucking it up again.”

He shushed her gently, stroking her hair, pressing his lips to her skin again and again. She drew back when she’d stopped crying, feeling wretched as she looked up at him, his thumb brushing away a stray tear.

“Steve said maybe I could cut my hair,” Bucky murmured. “S’all he did, and I yelled at him for it.”

“Where’d he go?” Darcy replied, her voice thick with tears.

“Think he went to get some food.”

She wished he was there. She wished she was being held by them both, her guts twisting.

“I want you both,” she murmured. “But I’m not – I’m not equipped for this.”

Bucky stroked her cheek.

“I want you,” she said, tilting her head. “Bucky…”

He kissed her, his mouth slanting over hers, his hand on her face cupping her cheek. She sighed, her eyes closing as his tongue slipped into her mouth, her fingers curling into his jacket. She felt out of control, taking over, arching into his touch as he moaned softly. Her fingers were deep in his hair, attempting to get him impossibly closer to her. He pulled back, panting against her.

“Darce-”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, but she wasn’t really. Maybe a little embarrassed at how worked up she was, but she wasn’t sorry that she’d kissed him like she was starved.

Bucky shut his eyes, shaking his head.

“Four things,” she whispered, breathless. “Four things again.”

He blinked hard, gazing around. “Doesn’t work. Fuck, it doesn’t work. I don’t know why I’m so fucked up lately-”

 _It’s me_ , Darcy thought before she could stop herself. _It’s me. I’m triggering him._

He was doing okay before she got this close to him, as far as she knew. She took a gulp of air, pushing out of his embrace and turning away, looking over at her bag, moving to pick it up.

She dropped the bag again and sat on the couch, putting her face in her hands.

“Four things,” she said, her voice hollow.

She let her hands drop, glancing over at him at the window. He swallowed.

“Uh.”

He pointed as if to prompt himself.

“TV. Alpine. Table.”

Darcy wanted to cry. She wanted to lie down and sob. She wanted the day to start all over again. She thought of Riley and how she was constantly fighting against people looking down their nose at her.

“You,” he finished, and her eyes snapped to his.

She burst into tears and he came toward her, and to Darcy’s surprise, he lifted her from the couch and walked down the hallway, all the way to the bedroom. He lay her on his unmade bed and joined her.

“We’re gonna stay here,” he whispered. “Okay? Together.”

Darcy wept silently, the exhaustion overtaking. Her head felt dizzy as Bucky lay beside her, both of them on their sides as he hugged her from behind.

“It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He kissed her behind her ear.

“Stop that,” he whispered back.

Darcy’s eyes drifted shut, just as Alpine bounded onto the bed, padding over to her to curl up beside her head on Bucky’s pillow.

He began to purr as Darcy fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part II tomorrow. Kissing, and feelings! 
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	33. Part Thirty Three: The First Date Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **cw:** mentions of war, violence and torture
> 
> I know a lot of us aren't at work but this is NSFW, too. ❤

_Nothing's gonna hurt you baby_  
_As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine_  
_Nothing's gonna hurt you baby_  
_Nothing's gonna take you from my side_  
**\- "Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby" by Cigarettes After Sex**

**Part Thirty Three:**

**The First Date Part II**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

There was the thick, enveloping scent of Bucky’s bedroom, his signature sweetness.

It took Darcy several seconds to remember where she was as she blinked in the semi-dark. She could see the hall light was on outside the doorway, and there was no sign of Alpine beside her. She assumed he was on the other side with Bucky or somewhere else, and she shifted, stretching her legs. Bucky was behind her, his hand resting on her stomach, his lips brushing the back of her neck.

“How long was I out?” she mumbled.

Her eyes stung from crying, and she felt congested and sore.

“Maybe twenty minutes,” Bucky murmured.

She rolled over, leaning on her elbow. His eyes didn’t reach hers, he was looking at their hands as she took his in hers. She reached up, her fingers tracing the skin of his face. First, his hairline, then down his temple and where his eyes creased when he smiled in those rare, unrestrained times. She trailed down to his beard, the bristles soft under her fingertips. She cupped his jaw, his eyes meeting hers.

“How’re you feeling?” she asked.

He swallowed. “Better, I guess. I didn’t take a pill. I might later, if I can’t sleep.”

She nodded, fingers moving to trace his lips. Her stomach flipped, feeling his breath on the tips of her fingers as she explored without haste.

“I had a really bad day,” she whispered, and Bucky nodded. “And I think I haven’t fully processed everything since Christmas. Like, how I get to touch you now. Both of you.”

“Do you want Steve?” he murmured. “He’s not back yet.”

Darcy nodded, brushing his lip with her thumb. “I think we should talk. The three of us, when he gets back.”

Something passed over Bucky’s face, something like fear that quickly melted away. Darcy looked him in the eye again and he held her gaze for longer than usual. Darcy waited for him to speak, which was a full minute, and then he looked down between them self-consciously.

“What do you know, about the Army?” he murmured.

“Not a lot,” Darcy said. “I didn’t think it was my place to ask Steve what happened. I hoped you’d tell me eventually.”

“What do you wanna know?” he asked, his voice rougher.

Darcy didn’t know how to ask without it being insensitive, but she wanted to know everything. She wanted to know _everything_ about him.

“Is it – is it my arm?”

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Darcy said. “If you don’t want to.”

Bucky shook his head. “Doesn’t seem fair.”

“Why don’t you ask about me?” Darcy said, moving her hand up to stroke his hair, and he frowned a little. “What do you wanna know about me?”

For the first time that night, he gave her a cheeky look, smirking as his eyes travelled down her front. Darcy grinned at him, wanting to encourage that side of him, but instead waited for him to ask something, anything.

“That necklace,” he said, nodding at the gold chain that peeked out of Darcy’s neckline. “Did you get that for your Bat Mitzvah?”

The question caught Darcy off-guard and she went to touch the pendant that lay against her sternum under her dress. She thought honesty was the best policy, so she took a second to find the right words, to answer him as best she could.

“I didn’t- I mean, I didn’t have a Bat Mitzvah,” she said, taking out the pendant to show Bucky, and he reached for it, looking down at it as best he could in the darkened room. “I got it when my grandma was dying.”

She pressed on, remembering how much she cried before, not wanting to have tears take over her again so soon.

“I grew up with her around me all the time, but I didn’t know a lot about her childhood,” she murmured. She took a deep breath. “One year we were learning about the Holocaust at school and she told me she was born in a concentration camp.”

She looked at Bucky then, shaking her head.

“I said, ‘how is that possible’, and she said she was, she was born in Auschwitz. I don’t know how she survived, let alone how my grandfather managed to get her out…”

Darcy felt her eyes prickle.

“My family, I mean, my _people_ have a lot to carry all the time. She said the necklace was too heavy for her, when she was in hospital. I kind of knew what she meant, but then – I guess she was giving it to me because she wanted to pass it on, the legacy.”

Bucky suddenly moved to kiss her forehead, his hand brushing the hair from Darcy’s face as she kept talking.

“She didn’t talk anymore about it. It was too much. Every time I’d try to ask, she’d push me away and I’d feel guilty, but I was still curious,” she muttered. “I think I was being selfish, demanding she tell me her trauma. Her father’s trauma, too.”

Bucky’s jaw had tensed. She met his eye again.

“I don’t mean to push, I just want you to know that I don’t judge you for whatever happened. Whatever you did after, too, because you did it to survive.”

“Right,” he said, his voice small. Darcy supposed it was the best answer she could get.

“Bucky –”

“You’re wondering if I’ve killed anyone.”

“I expected you had if you were in Iraq,” Darcy murmured.

His brows lifted a fraction before his face slackened again.

“Yeah, I shot people. I was really good.”

He drew in a breath. He rubbed his eye.

“We were in this fuckin’ cave, after we were stakin’ out this village below. Our translator ratted us out, but we didn’t know until an IED went off. My arm was sliced up, the guys with me were gone or gettin’ there, burned or cut up…”

It was Darcy’s turn to give him comforting caresses on his face and hair, her guts twisting as she knew there was no way she could truly imagine just how awful the experience was for him.

“They took me, these guys the translator was workin' for,” Bucky said, his voice turning flat. “Someone said I was there for three days. They wanted me to tell ‘em where the rest of us were hidden around the village.”

Darcy didn’t need him to draw her a map. He’d been tortured. No wonder he didn’t trust people. No wonder he flinched and had flashbacks. No wonder he pushed back when Darcy pressed him.

“Steve got me out.”

“Steve?” Darcy said, and Bucky nodded.

“Saved my life. Dropped everythin’ to find me. When he got me out, he left along wit’ me.”

Darcy stared at him. Steve hadn’t shared that he’d carried that particular burden.

“He went back to art school, got his Bachelors and then got a Masters so he could teach. I went from job to job, I never really – I never really healed,” Bucky said, his voice shaky toward the end.

Darcy pulled him into a hug, kissing his face as he wrapped her arms around him, their legs tangling together.

“Maybe it’s karma,” Bucky whispered. “Because I was a hell of a sniper –”

“No, Buck,” she said, pulling back to shake her head at him, cupping his cheek. “No…”

He turned his head slightly to kiss her palm.

“M’sorry this ain’t… normal,” he whispered. “Won’t ever be normal.”

 _I love you,_ she wanted to say. She didn’t want to put more pressure on him, since telling him how she felt would mean he had to say something in return. Instead, she pressed a kiss to his lips, as tenderly as she could. His eyes were shining as he drew back and he cleared his throat, his eyes darting behind her, narrowing slightly.

“Where’s that cat?”

“Somewhere,” Darcy whispered.

Bucky clicked his fingers and there was a happy chirp in return, and then Alpine appeared in the doorway, tail curling like a question mark. He wandered over and jumped on the bed, coming up to squeeze between them, lowering himself to tuck his paws under his heft as he purred.

“That didn’t mean you could intrude,” Bucky murmured, and he scratched Alpine behind his ears. Alpine licked his thumb and then gave an affectionate nibble, and Bucky smiled at him. “That’s not for eatin’…”

“He’s giving you eye kisses,” Darcy said, and Bucky looked at her, then back down at the cat. “When he blinks at you slowly, it means he trusts you. Eye kisses. Do it back to him.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes slightly at Alpine, then blinked at him once, twice. He glanced at Darcy then and winked, and she gave a soft giggle.

He shifted closer, pulling her into a kiss. It was a slow press of their lips together and he tilted his head to deepen it and Darcy sighed, closing her eyes. His hand reached out to squeeze her side, slipping further down to her hip, his fingers laying on the top of her ass, and Alpine bounded out of the way as Bucky pulled her ever closer, until she lay under him in his arms.

She tingled from how his beard rubbed against her face, and she felt instantly warmer with the weight of him on top of her, her legs parting as he shifted up to slot into place, their kisses growing feverish. Darcy felt the excited blood run through her, her breath hitching as one of his hands went under her dress, gripping her stockinged thigh.

Bucky pulled back, breathless, pressing kisses to her cheek and jaw, Darcy’s hands gripping the material of his Henley, a neediness nagging at her between her legs.

“Can I touch you?” she whispered, and he looked down at her, licking his wet lips.

She was already touching him, her hands never staying still for long. She wanted to feel him all over, map out every line and curve of him. Her hands were on both his shoulders, fingers curling into his shirt as she stared up at him, probably looking a demon possessed with lust.

His eyes dipped down and she saw him blush, and it was completely irresistible, seeing Bucky so shy with his erection clearly between them. He nodded, pulling her into another kiss.

Darcy moaned, because his hand was on her breast and squeezing gently. She dropped her hands between them as Bucky lay half on top of her still, kissing down her throat as Darcy reached for the drawstring on his sweatpants.

“We can go slow,” she whispered.

“Keep goin’,” he whispered, and then he gasped when she reached inside his pants.

He felt so warm, thick and hard as she palmed at him over his boxer briefs. It wasn’t the ideal angle but the response she got, his gasp followed by him pressing into her hand, was worth it.

“Let’s get these off,” Darcy whispered, pulling her hand out and snapping his waistband.

Bucky moved to lean back on his knees, shoving down his sweatpants and kicking them aside, Darcy’s legs clamping together as she watched him. She moved toward him, climbing to sit in his lap as she reached between them again, his arms wrapping around her to hold her and kiss her neck as he rocked into her hand again.

She reached to tug down his underwear enough to expose him, her face burning at the sight of his thick, uncut cock standing to attention. She licked her palm, meeting his eyes again as she wrapped a hand around him and began to stroke.

“Fuck,” he moaned, and he curled around her, Darcy’s pace growing steadily as he kissed her neck, rocking up into her.

If he reached into her underwear, he’d find her soaking. Darcy had no idea how long she was there with her hand on him, but she knew she’d never forget it, especially when he gasped her name and gave a broken moan as he came in her fist.

He kissed her breathless in the aftermath, both of them panting when they parted, and Darcy managed to climb off of his lap without stumbling and went to the bathroom to wash her hands. She glimpsed herself in the mirror and saw her makeup was ruined from crying and kissing, so she picked up a wash cloth and began to scrub the rest of it away. When she was done, she was pink from rubbing but she felt a little better.

Bucky walked in as she got the last smear of eyeliner off, going straight to the toilet and put the seat up, glancing at her when he began to pee. The intimacy of the moment had Darcy staring back at him, her stomach flipping.

“Steve said he got pizza.”

“Okay,” Darcy said.

She moved back when he flushed and washed his hands. When he’d dried his hands, Darcy was still staring at him, feeling so much but not wanting to scare him away. He took hold of her chin and kissed her and Darcy sighed.

She heard the distant sound of the front door opening and then closing and they broke apart, Darcy’s eyes darting to see Alpine race down the hallway to greet Steve. Darcy sensed Bucky’s eyes on her as she stared out into the hallway, waiting.

Steve appeared a minute later, stopping dead as he took them in.

“Hey,” Darcy said. “We should talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	34. Part Thirty Four: The First Date Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone user-subscribed to me may have received an email for this chapter accidentally being published under another fic of mine. That was a super fun, stressful ten seconds of my life I hope to forget. Yikes... and back to our regular programming.
> 
> steeb. also **nsfw** or don't read this around your kids when you're homeschooling.

_You've done nothing wrong_  
_Slide your hand_  
_Jump off the end_  
\- **"Codex" by Radiohead**

**Part Thirty Four:**

**The First Date Part III**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

“Okay.”

Steve said it on exhale, his eyes shifting from Darcy to Bucky and back again. Darcy’s stomach flipped, and she felt as though she was being examined.

“Before or after pizza?” Steve added.

Darcy’s choice of words had been quite dramatic, she realized. She hadn’t meant to make it sound so dire, but since what happened in Bucky’s room only minutes ago, she wasn’t going to keep it inside to spare herself from any embarrassment.

She wasn’t _embarrassed_ , exactly. Maybe a little self-conscious. She knew it showed in how she blushed all over, nodding at Steve.

“We should eat.”

Steve nodded back at her and turned his heel to walk back down the hallway and Darcy followed him with Bucky behind her. When she reached the kitchen table, she found two pizza boxes and a bottle of wine. It was Shiraz, her favorite, and she opened the screw top and gave it a sniff.

She poured herself a little in a water glass as she sat down, the boxes opening. She sipped for courage, looking at Steve beside her as he took his first bite.

She hadn’t seen him since they were in his class room planning for next week together. As he leaned back in his chair, she could see he was tired but his eyes that fell on her face as he chewed were warm and friendly. Darcy picked up a piece of cheese pizza and took a bite, licking her lips as she swallowed.

“Are we gonna talk now, or -?” Steve said, and his looked at Bucky, who was silent. “’Cause somethin’ definitely happened.”

Darcy figured he knew what Bucky’s face of satisfaction looked like, everything mellowed out compared to his usual stone-like expression with deadened eyes. Bucky looked younger now, eating happily as Steve studied him. He shot him a look with a frown forming, no divulging anything.

“I took a nap,” Darcy said, picking up her glass to take another sip of wine. “And after I woke up, we made out, and –”

Steve’s brow lifted, a smirk forming.

“I _knew_ you already knew!” Darcy said, pointing at him. She leaned closer to him, poking him in the ribs, Steve’s hand darting out to grab hers to stop her doing it again, a chuckle escaping him. “You just wanted me to get all flustered. I jerked him off, you happy?”

“Is _he_ happy, more like,” Steve said, and Darcy looked at Bucky then, feeling her face burn.

Bucky took another bite of pizza and said nothing, a slow smile spreading across his face. Darcy’s hand was still in Steve’s and she moved toward him, letting him pull her close.

“Careful with my wine,” she murmured, and he managed to sit her on his lap, her arm slung around his neck.

He kept eating, glancing up at her every few seconds, Darcy’s glass quickly emptying. She looked at Bucky, who was watching them in turn. She put down the glass and turned her attention to Steve.

“I haven’t seen you since Wednesday,” she murmured, her hands reaching to brush his hair back, and Steve sighed, eyes shifting to meet hers.

“Yeah, you must be beside yourself,” he muttered, and Darcy frowned at him.

She was rewarded with his arm wrapping around her waist, his hand resting on her hip.

“Did you guys have a fight before I got here?” she asked.

Steve’s face fell, his eyes shifting to his plate. Darcy looked at Bucky again, seeing him tense up. She wasn’t about to let this go.

“It wasn’t really a fight,” Steve said.

Bucky shook his head. “I was an asshole. He’s so used to it, he doesn’t even see it as a fight anymore.”

“You had a rough week,” Steve retorted, and Bucky rolled his eyes.

“You say that every time,” he muttered. “It ain’t just that. I yelled at ya and then ya got us pizza…”

He trailed off, sighing. He scratched his beard, shaking his head.

“Buck, it’s okay,” Steve said. “Whatever you need, it’s okay.”

“What?” Bucky said, his face screwing up. “What do you -?”

Steve cut in, turning his head slightly to Darcy. “It was your first date, I was oversteppin’. It’s fine.”

Darcy frowned. “We never really talked about it, we haven’t really talked about anything since Christmas.”

“I didn’t want you to feel obligated,” Steve said, his voice a little quieter. “You don’t have to – not with me, you don’t have to.”

“Does this look like pity to you?” Darcy snapped. “To either of you?”

She glared at Bucky.

“Seriously, do you think I’m doing this because I feel sorry for you?”

“We didn’t give it a chance to breathe exactly,” Bucky muttered. “You found out about us and then I got sick –”

“I’m not choosing one over the other,” Darcy went on. “I could still be mad at you. I tried to at first, but it didn’t work. I spent months not acting on feelings. I should have asked you if you were dating and I chose not to, because I didn’t want anything to change.”

“We should’ve told you,” Steve murmured.

“Yeah, but –” Darcy shifted, shrugging a shoulder. “It happened already. So we move on.”

“How,” Bucky said. “How do we do this.”

“I honestly don’t know,” Darcy said, feeling so much better already for being honest, and yet her stomach twisted with anxiety. “I… want to be selfish. I want to be greedy and have both of you-”

“It’s not greedy, Darce,” Steve murmured. “We’ve been open for years, just not like this. We haven’t wanted the same girl.”

Being referred to as a ‘girl’ instead of a ‘woman’ had Darcy frowning down at him, and Steve smirked, his fingers flexing on her hip.

“You don’t like that?” he murmured, and Darcy couldn’t help smiling down at him, since his eyes twinkled with mischief. “You’re not our girl?”

“She’s our girl,” Bucky said, before Darcy got a chance to answer. He lifted a brow at her, his beer bottle lifted to his lips.

Darcy stared at him as she felt Steve’s lips brush her throat and she shivered, distracted. He pulled back to grab two more slices of pizza, handing one to Darcy. They ate in silence for a couple minutes while Alpine circled, chirruping when Darcy looked down at him.

“Don’t,” Bucky warned, but Darcy took a little corner of her slice to throw on the floor.

Alpine ate it in one gulp, licking his lips before he began to wash himself.

“You spoil him,” Bucky chided, and Darcy shrugged.

Alpine reached up for more and Darcy pushed him back gently, and he wandered off to his water bowl beneath the kitchen bench to drink.

“You’ve been together since you were sixteen?” Darcy asked Bucky, and he nodded. “What was that like?”

“In a boys’ home run by nuns?” Bucky muttered, and Steve chuckled. “Difficult.”

She thought of them sneaking around, the thrill of it, secretive little touches and moments between them whenever they got the chance.

“How do you manage it at school?” Darcy asked, and Bucky exchanged a look with Steve across the table.

“Believe it or not, _I_ ain’t the problem at school,” Bucky said.

“You don’t say,” Darcy murmured, looking down at Steve again. “And I saw the hickey you left behind.”

“You did?” Steve said, and he bit his lip, letting it go a second later.

To Darcy’s surprise, he blushed and Bucky gave a low chuckle at the sight of Steve turning pink, earning him a kick under the table.

“Punk,” Bucky said, moving toward them both.

“What, what are you gonna do?” Steve retorted. “Huh, sweetheart?”

Steve had him by the shirt, Bucky’s lips hovering over his. The intimacy of the moment between them had Darcy blushing, too, and she went still as she stared.

The kiss he gave Bucky was hungry, their heads tilting, mouths meeting in the middle. Darcy heard the hitch in Bucky’s breath as Steve looked determined to tear him apart, his fist still full of his shirt. Bucky pulled back with a hiss, eyes meeting Darcy’s.

“Hey –”

He kissed her roughly and she gasped, Steve’s hand gripping her tighter, and she felt it, just how hard he was beneath her as Bucky sucked the air out of her. She felt rubbed raw by the end of it, breaking away to pant, feeling dazed.

She looked at Steve, licking her lips.

“I don’t know if – I mean, I don’t want to ruin this,” she whispered. “I’ve never felt so amazing in my entire fucking life I think –”

She was met with smiles for this, but she shook her head.

“I’m not ready for – I need time, I just…”

“It’s fine,” Bucky whispered, kissing her cheek. “Go slow.”

“Stevie,” she murmured, looking at him. “I missed you…”

She took his face in her hands, sealing her mouth over his, and he wrapped both arms around her, licking into her mouth as she opened for him, moaning at the heat of it.

Her beautiful friend, the one who was always so kind, and he always drove her a little nuts… he was melting into the kisses, moaning with her, everything turning frantic. He pulled back when he needed air, his eyes dark, his hair mussed.

“What happens now?” he murmured. He looked at Bucky.

Darcy took hold of his chin, turning his head back her way.

“You should catch up,” she whispered, and he swallowed thickly, nodding.

It made Darcy giggle, the butterflies in her stomach intensifying.

“Okay?” she whispered, and he nodded again. “So take me to bed.”

He did as he was told, lifting her up to walk them out of the room, and Darcy glanced at Bucky over his shoulder, her legs wrapped around Steve’s middle. Bucky only nodded at her, assuring her, and she turned her head to kiss Steve on the lips again, softer than before.

They reached the bedroom and he lay her down, turning his gaze toward the doorway. Darcy moved up to her knees to reach for him, her hands beginning to unbutton his shirt.

“He didn’t have an audience, so you don’t have one, okay?” she whispered.

Steve nodded. “You sure?”

“I want you,” she said, nodding. “Take this off, I wanna see you.”

He took off his flannel shirt and the plain white t-shirt underneath, and Darcy’s eyes widened at the sight of his bare chest. She hadn’t realized just how turned on she could be from all that raw masculine strength he’d kept hidden from her. She’d never been into muscles before she met Bucky or Steve, and now she understood why they were something to swoon over.

“Fucking hell,” she hissed, her hands reaching out to touch him, anywhere, just _anywhere_ she hadn’t before.

She glided down his front, his muscles jumping as she skirted down his hard stomach. He was so warm and firm. It was a crime that she’d spent months sitting next to him at meetings and during planning and at the bar _not_ touching him.

She kissed him hard, and Steve lowered them both onto the mattress, the weight of him anchoring her to reality. She hadn’t had him lie on top of her before, and it felt _amazing_. She wrapped her legs back around him and dug her fingers deep into his hair as he kissed her back, the glide of him needy in her mouth, the vibrations of his moans apparent in his chest pressed against hers.

“You feel so good,” she whispered. “You’re so fucking pretty I can’t stand it…”

He moved down her chin and neck, pressing hot kisses to her, his hands moving under her dress and grabbing hold of her thighs. Darcy leaned on her elbows as Steve pulled back enough to look her in the eye in the semi-dark.

“Can I kiss you, down -?”

He nodded toward the space between her thighs and Darcy felt her face burn.

“I, uh,” she gulped. “What kind of question is that?”

“It’s been a few years,” Steve said, and Darcy blinked at him. “Please can I? I – fuck, I’m dyin’ to, if I’m honest…”

She’d never heard a man say that about her pussy before. She nodded, her heart hammering in her chest as Steve’s fingers found the waistband of her tights. He tugged them down, Darcy helping him with a lift of her hips. Her underwear was next and Darcy bit her lip hard as he moved further down the bed, licking his lips as he lifted her leg to lay her thigh against his shoulder, and fuck if that didn’t make her wetter than ever, just the sight of his face against her flesh.

His face was obstructed by the material of her hitched up dress, so Darcy jolted slightly when his open mouth settled over the opening of her, his tongue swiping up for the first time. Darcy sat up a little to see his eyes staring back at her as he began to caress her folds, her breath held.

“Fuck,” she hissed on rough exhale, closing her eyes for a second as the sensation rendered her helpless, his broad tongue beginning to lap at her again and again.

He groaned, his eyes falling shut as he tasted her. His breath was hot against her cunt he pulled back a little, diving back in a second later with a moan:

“God…”

His enthusiasm was second to none, and all Darcy could do was feel all of it, her body beginning to tingle as he sucked and licked her, his nose pressed up against her pubic hair as he got lost in the taste and feel of her. She had to be dripping with arousal and his spit, and he didn’t waste a drop of her, kissing her like he was starved as she moaned and keened, her fingers gripping his arms that wrapped around her thighs.

“Steve,” she breathed. “Please…”

“I’m still rusty, I need to make sure,” he whispered, and it was like Darcy could _feel_ the smirk he had on his face by how his mouth was pressed up against her. “Gotta be thorough…”

“Please,” she whispered.

“I got you,” he whispered back, and he sealed his mouth over her clit, Darcy’s breath hitching.

The heat of pleasure flooded her, her thighs beginning to shake as he sucked and pulled lightly on it, testing what made her claw at him. He pulled off of her and their eyes met again, both of them panting.

“Let go,” he said, and she nodded. “Let go, sweetheart…”

She lay back, her hands reaching for his hair to grip him, and she felt his finger pet at her, slipping into her past the second knuckle with ease. He added a second finger as he sucked her clit gently, pulling the moans out of her. She throbbed with pleasure, her body tightening around him as he pushed into her while he pulled on her clit with sloppier sucks.

“I’m gonna – I’m –”

She let out a choked sound and went perfectly still, the wave cresting as the world disappeared, a flush of heat going straight through her as she came apart on his fingers. She panted, crash landing as Steve licked her through it, Darcy’s grip on his scalp loosening as she felt everything slacken, and she still twitched as he pulled out of her, sucking on his fingers.

He wiped his mouth on his bare shoulder hastily, moving back up, his nose brushing hers.

She was so tired, but so warm and liquid with pleasure, sighing into a languid kiss as he drank from her, her musk on his lips and tongue. He pulled back, his hand pulling down her dress, and then grabbing the blanket she lay on top of.

“Get in,” he said.

“What about you?” she whispered, her arms useless as she tried to reach for his belt.

He only smiled down at her, cupping her pink cheek.

“I’m okay,” he said. “I think you need an early night. Unless you want me to drive you home?”

She shook her head.

“Can we all fit in this bed?” she whispered.

“Worth tryin’. Might be a squeeze,” he whispered.

There was a creak of the floorboards and Steve turned, and Bucky stood in the doorway. Darcy didn’t catch everything that was said, her eyelids feeling too heavy.

The last thing she remembered was Steve kissing her forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	35. Part Thirty Five: Early Bird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi I'm a mess

_Flow sweetly hang heavy_  
_You suddenly complete me_  
**\- "Hysteric" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs**

**Part Thirty Five:**

**Early Bird**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Darcy woke before dawn. She remembered it was Saturday, sometime in between the world coming back to her and the moment she realized she was wedged between two larger bodies.

Darcy could remember last night, how’d she’d cried and kissed them both. How she’d touched Bucky and Steve had made love to her with his mouth. She was lying on her back, which was unusual for her. She tended to sleep face-first into her pillow.

Someone’s arm – Bucky’s, she realized – was slung across her stomach, his breath on her cheek as he snored softly. Darcy’s nose twitched, his long hair tickling her as she began to wake up. She shifted slightly and Bucky drew in a breath, sighing as she went still again to not wake him.

She carefully lay her hand over Bucky’s wrist and lifted his arm from her midsection. She didn’t want to move if it meant going back to sleep, but she needed the bathroom. She winced as Bucky took another deep breath, but he rolled over, bumping Darcy in the process. She glanced at Steve on her left, at his bare back that faced her and she reached out, not wanting to deny herself the chance to touch him.

Her fingers brushed his skin, and she could feel he was warm as always. She scooted closer, breathing in the scent of him behind his ear and pressed a kiss there. There was a shuffle under the blanket and his hand reached out to touch her bare leg, squeezing her calf muscle.

“You awake?” she whispered, and he made a soft affirming sound in reply.

The bed frame creaked as Steve rolled over, scrubbing his face as Darcy reached to stroke his hair. He blinked at her slowly, a smile forming as he took her in.

“How’d you sleep?” he whispered, and she smiled at him.

“Good, I guess... I must’ve been out cold, I don’t remember you guys coming in…”

“You were spread out,” Steve said, and Darcy could picture it, since she was getting used to sleeping alone at home, sometimes diagonally for no reason other than she knew she could get away with it.

Darcy kept stroking his hair, his hand reaching up to cup her cheek. He pulled her into a kiss, her lip between his two, and Darcy sighed, closing her eyes.

It was over as fast as it began but when they broke apart, Darcy still whispered with her lips brushing his.

“I meant to return the favor last night.”

“Oh, really?” he murmured.

“I’m guessing you and Bucky had fun without me instead,” she whispered.

She wasn’t used to seeing them kiss. Last night when it was the three of them together at the table, she had to stop herself from feeling like an intruder. All that history between them was intimidating.

Steve smirked. “No…”

That surprised her, and then she felt guilty – she was definitely changing the way they behaved, if they weren’t screwing when she was around.

“Darce?” Steve said, frowning a little.

There came the sudden grunt from behind Darcy:

“You two wanna shut up? I’m tryin’ to sleep.”

Darcy let out a snort, her troubles forgotten. She covered her mouth as she giggled and then rolled back over in the tiny space between the two men to reach Bucky, moving up to kiss his cheek.

“I’m sorry.”

“Go back to sleep,” he whispered back, sounding less annoyed.

Darcy knew then that she was wide awake. She remembered what Steve said about his typical weekends. He tended to sleep through his whole Saturday. She moved up a little to slip her legs out of the bed, while Bucky settled back into dozing. Steve lay on his back, watching her crawl toward the end of the bed.

She gave Steve a little wave with her fingers, appreciating the view of the sandwich she’d been part of. She remembered then that she wasn’t wearing any underwear, spotting the garment on the floor with her tights in a little bundle that someone – probably Steve - had folded. She stepped into them and pulled them back on, catching Steve still watching her, a smirk on his face.

In a rare moment of emboldened cheekiness, Darcy lifted her dress to flash her underwear for a lightning second before walking out of the bedroom to slip into the bathroom.

The apartment was much colder than last night. Darcy shivered as she shuffled around the kitchen, making a pot of coffee as Alpine circled her and mewed hopefully. She opened the cupboard and filled his bowl with some expensive looking dried food before she made herself some peanut butter toast to eat while standing by the sink.

She moved the curtain out of the way to see the sun had come up, but the sky was full of falling snow. She shivered through another cup of coffee, Alpine watching her from his spot on the floor.

“What is it, baby?” she murmured, and she crouched to scratch his chin and he began to purr. “You don’t have someone to play with this early usually.”

Alpine rubbed her face and licked her cheek.

“Do you? Do you?”

She kept cooing at him, indulging him by scooping him up and cradling him. She went to sit down with him on the couch and turned on the TV to watch cartoons with the volume at a minimum.

“Widdle baby kitty,” she murmured, kissing Alpine and rubbing his belly. “You’re just a widdle _baby_ kitty…”

It was after nine when she decided to go back into the bedroom to attempt to rouse either of the sleeping beauties. Sometime in between now and when she first left them alone, Bucky had moved over to Steve’s side and wrapped an arm around his middle to spoon him. Darcy’s face flushed when she walked in with Alpine in her arms. She went still, thinking she should turn around and walk back out, but Steve’s eye snapped open and he smiled at her sleepily.

“C’mere.”

Bucky stirred with a soft groan, eyes blinking open as Darcy moved toward the bed and set Alpine upon it before beginning her crawl back toward them. She knelt as they watched her, feeling her cheeks heat at the sudden attention.

“I was hoping to go to Goodwill at some point today. And Party City,” she said, and Bucky rubbed his eye with his fingers, squinting up at her.

Alpine had already made himself comfortable beside her, tucking his feet under him as he purred. She petted him as she glanced from Bucky to Steve, her brows hiking.

“Early bird gets the worm,” she added, and Steve chuckled as Bucky smirked, pressing a kiss to Steve’s shoulder. “We… should get up.”

By ‘we’ she clearly meant ‘you’, and she meant the two of them.

“Get going or get got,” she murmured.

Bucky moved to sit up, glancing at Alpine. His eyes had closed and Bucky’s eyes met Darcy’s again.

“I guess we could get goin’,” he said. “After some coffee.”

Steve’s eyes were closed and Darcy knew he was doing it to wind her up, so she leaned over to poke him in the ribs, and Steve kicked in surprise, laughing beneath her.

“Hey, c’mon, I worked all week,” he groaned.

He put a hand over his eyes and Darcy scoffed.

“So did I,” she retorted. “And this is for the play. You can’t be the art teacher and not support the arts.”

“The school pays me to be the art teacher, Darce,” he sighed. “The school pays me to be the art teacher –”

“So you’d be comfortable with us using smelly old wigs and fabric?” Darcy drawled.

“Can’t be any worse than what the eighth graders smell like by the afternoon period,” Steve muttered, but he glanced up at Darcy, smirking.

Darcy chose to ignore him, looking at Bucky.

“Can I borrow something to wear?”

Bucky got out of bed to help find her a clean shirt and a pair of sweatpants from his drawers and Darcy went into the bathroom after she gave Bucky a grateful kiss on the lips. She caught Steve watching her go and narrowed her eyes at him.

“No kiss for me?”

“Maybe if you get out of bed,” she called over her shoulder, disappearing into the bathroom.

Darcy showered and put on the clean clothes, running her hands over the material as she tried to remember seeing Bucky wearing those particular clothes. She walked into the kitchen to find both Steve and Bucky up and drinking coffee as they ate toast, and Darcy flashed them both a smile.

-

“This’ll be fun!” Darcy said, slamming her car door.

She glanced at them both and Steve blinked, while Bucky shoved his hands in his pockets, frowning.

“I have a list,” she added. “I need twenty minutes at the most.”

Steve nudged Bucky. “We’re fine. This is nothing. _Buck_.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re good,” Bucky muttered.

He was watching people walk past with his eyes narrowed, assessing. Darcy took hold of his arm to pull his out of his pocket to entwine their fingers, looking up at him.

“I’m fine,” he murmured. He bent his head to kiss her on the lips. “Promise.”

Darcy knew he didn’t like being out in public, or strangers, or shopping. It was a big deal that he was doing this for her. She tried to think of that instead of how she felt like the third wheel, or a piece in a puzzle that didn’t fit properly.

She began to walk through the parking lot and into Goodwill with Bucky by her side and Steve walking ahead.

Darcy separated from them to skim through clothes on racks. Steve gravitated towards the books and Bucky was looking at the furniture on display in the window. The store wasn’t overflowing with people, and she’d managed to come early enough to find things she knew would be snapped up fairly quickly. She found a waistcoat she could modify for the White Rabbit, and the fabric corner of the store had plenty of options.

She snapped her fingers, hoping to get Steve’s attention. His nose was in a book and he glanced her way, making a face at her across the floor.

 _“Come here!”_ she mouthed, and he wandered over.

“Yes, Miss Lewis?” he said, and she pulled him closer, putting a piece of fabric under his chin.

She frowned, examining how the purple looked with his skin tone and eyes.

“No…”

“What’re you doin’?” Bucky said, coming up behind them. He was holding a lamp in the crook of his arm, looking amused.

Darcy took another swathe of fabric from the stack and put it under Steve’s face again, smiling at the discovery.

“ _Way_ better. I’m gonna get this.”

She pushed Steve out of the way before tugging him back and kissing him on the lips for his help, and he chuckled, watching her walk toward the children’s shoe section.

She managed to fill a whole two bags full with fabric and clothes, including a pair of boots she thought Riley could wear as Alice. Darcy tried her best to push all other thoughts of Riley away, determined to not ruin her good mood brought on by how productive her weekend had already turned out to be.

“What’re you doin’ with that lamp?” Steve asked Bucky, who shrugged.

“Fixin’ it. Make it not look like shit,” he said. “What’s it to ya?”

They were chatting as Darcy drove, and Steve exchanged a look with Bucky in the rear-view mirror, as he sat behind Darcy in the back seat.

“You’re always tellin’ me to avoid stereotypes –”

“I’m not _restoring furniture in Vermont_ or some bullshit,” Bucky snapped, but he was smiling. “I ain’t that gay.”

“I dunno, Buck,” Steve said, pulling a face. “You bought a lamp.”

Darcy snorted, and Bucky shot her a look.

“Really, you’re on his side?”

“There’re no _sides_ ,” Steve said. “And it works in my favor, anyway –”

“You bought _Babysitter’s Club_ books!” Bucky said, turning around in his seat.

Steve had in fact bought a stack of them, most of them the summer specials, but he maintained his composure, embracing his decision.

“Hell yeah, I did,” he said, puffing out his chest. “And a _Cardcaptor Sakura_ bind-up I won’t be sharin’.”

Darcy looked in the rear-view mirror, catching his eye.

“Can I borrow it?”

“Of course you can,” he said, flashing a grin at her and then Bucky.

Bucky rolled his eyes as Darcy failed to suppress a giggle.

When they got out of the car outside of Party City, Steve tugged Bucky by the sleeve toward him.

“You can buy all the lamps you want…”

They both smiled into the kiss they shared and Darcy turned away, beginning to walk toward the store. She tried to focus on the task at hand, which was the list of wigs she needed. The crowning glory was Alice’s blonde tresses that more or less copied the style of the Disney animated movie adaptation.

Darcy moved through each aisle at the store, examining the row of wigs. They all looked pretty cheap, but she hoped they’d be able to make do with the options they had. The first blonde wig she found was too shiny and she put it back, sighing in frustration.

She sensed Steve behind her and watched him move toward the rejected wig and pick it up, looking at it closely.

“Verdict?” she said. “’Cause I think it’s trash.”

He placed it on Darcy’s head, smiling down at her as he pushed a few strands of hair out of her eyes.

“Not really my type,” he murmured.

“Yeah?”

“Nah,” he said, and then he took it off her, putting it back on the shelf.

Darcy saw Bucky walking down another aisle, looking at masks. Steve was looking at her when her eyes swung back to him and she averted her gaze, checking the time on her phone.

“Should have lunch soon.”

“You okay?” he murmured, and she looked up.

“I just –” she shook her head, feeling silly. “I’m not used to whatever this is. I keep saying that, but it’s my excuse. I love being around you two, but I feel sort of…”

“It feels weird?” Steve said, and she nodded.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said. “What’ve you got to be sorry for?”

She went quiet, shaking her head some more. He pulled her flush against him, kissing the top of her head.

“This is the most time we’ve spent outside his apartment in months,” Steve muttered, and Darcy stared up at him, surprised.

Bucky was running a hand through his hair and looking up at the ceiling.

“Why?”

“He hates this,” Steve whispered. “All of it.”

She remembered what Bucky said yesterday – Christ, _yesterday_ – about how it would never be normal between them. He meant _dating_ wouldn’t be normal.

She needed to appreciate that he was trying. She nodded.

“I’m trying not to feel like I shouldn’t be here,” she admitted.

Steve pressed another kiss to her forehead.

“But… I really liked some of last night,” she added.

She felt a little shy by the way he was looking at her, his eyes darker as his arms stayed wrapped around her.

“Gotta admit, it’s doin’ things to me, you in his clothes,” he murmured, and Darcy felt herself burst into a smile.

“Yeah?”

“Tell me if I’m pushin’ you,” he said, and Darcy nodded, her stomach flipping. “If you want to spend more time with him.”

“Stop trying to be noble,” she said, prodding him in the chest. “I’m not playing favorites, and you’re not bowing out.”

Steve pulled back a little, brow lifting.

“You can either reject me or be jealous,” she said. “But not both.”

“I’m not,” he said, ducking a little to brush her nose with his. “But I _am_ jealous as fuck, you deserve to know that. Drove me crazy every time you raced out to his shed. You’d go red all over…”

“What are you talking about?” Darcy murmured, before he pressed a kiss to her lips. “You’re too handsome, it’s like you’re Prom King…”

“And you’re not good enough to eat?” he retorted.

He kissed her properly, taking hold of her waist and jaw, and Darcy sighed, feeling light-headed by the time he let her go, his forehead pressed to hers.

“I don’t feel sorry for you,” Darcy whispered, her face burning.

She was self-conscious, hoping no-one came by to overhear them, and luckily the store had been pretty quiet so far.

“You still got to fuck Bucky,” she added.

“I was _beside_ myself,” Steve whispered, closing in on her again.

He pressed a kiss to her cheek and drew back, and Darcy held his hand tightly to steady herself. She needed to cool down. She spotted Bucky in the corner of her eye and turned her head toward him, shaking his head at them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, that is exactly how I talk to my 6 month-old kitten.
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	36. Part Thirty Six: La Dolce Vita

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **nsfw** , if you're around anyone that is...

_No matter what you know, I'll_   
_I'll fix you with my love_   
_And if you say you're okay_   
_I'm gonna heal you anyway_   
_Promise I'll always be there_   
**\- "The Cure" by Lady GaGa**

**Part Thirty Six:**

**La Dolce Vita**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Darcy took the thrift store purchases home, after dropping Bucky and Steve back at Bucky’s apartment. She decided after they left Party City that she needed some time alone.

She felt immediately different when she was by herself in the car, driving through the streets to her apartment building. She knew she needed to go home eventually, but it was a bizarre switch from the bubble-like quality of their atmosphere when it was the three of them together. At least, that was how she interpreted it.

As she trudged up the stairs to her place, her landlord shooting her a glare for making too much sound yet again, she felt all types of insecure. Without them there, she was faced with reality. She meant to have one date last night and instead fell into a crying heap, then jerked off one of her friends and then the other friend went down on her. Every time she broke it down into those little stages that made up an epic 24 hours, Darcy’s mind reeled with the implications. And also, along the way, she knew she was in love. The big L. She’d stopped herself from saying it to Bucky, and she knew she felt it for Steve as well.

“Get it together, Lewis,” she muttered, shoving her key into her door.

Maureen called out downstairs.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” she yelled back, cringing.

She let herself in and dumped everything on her rickety card table she used for eating breakfast most mornings. The bag of wigs from Party City would go straight to school on Monday, and Darcy needed to decide what she was going to make for the bake sale on Tuesday. Thinking about how it was only Saturday afternoon and she was already feeling overwhelmed by the upcoming week made Darcy feel tired all over again. She made herself some ramen and lay down on her bed, staring at the ceiling with her stomach full and her eyelids heavy.

Did she intend to stay over at Bucky’s place again tonight? If she did, there could be some confusion about her sexual intentions. She had never been like this before with anyone. If she liked someone, she tended to show it openly and then sex inevitably followed. She was taking her time now because she was afraid. Not of either Steve or Bucky, but the idea of her backing out if something began with the three of them. Something as simple as watching the two of them kiss made her feel intrusive and shy, and the idea of watching them touch one another in between touching her was almost too much. She’d never had a threesome before, and she was sure it showed with how she hesitated last night, drawing back in between kissing them.

If she loved them, shouldn’t she just go along with it?

Darcy cringed, passing a hand over her face. It probably had something to do with how good-looking they both were, along with them being together since they were teenagers. She’d probably be a disappointing lay for either of them by themselves.

Her phone began to buzz and she picked it up, answering it.

“Hey.”

“Hey, I got an idea,” Steve said, and Darcy sat up a little.

“Okay.”

“There’s a little Italian place we’ve been to before. I could book us a table, the three of us.”

Darcy felt herself smile despite her nerves.

“That sounds perfect. You can text me the address,” she said.

 _Be the Comeback Kid_ , she thought.

When they hung up, she lay back down, setting a timer for her phone for an hour away. She closed her eyes, hoping she’d nap.

-

Darcy woke and decided to have a second shower. At times like these, she really wished she had a tub, missing the one she had with Ian at their old apartment.

She remembered the dates they’d go on, and how she’d begun to phone them in because she was comfortable. There was nothing wrong with that, but maybe it meant more than that – had she stopped caring because she didn’t think she was worth the effort?

Why had she settled into being a receptionist for so long when her intention always was to work in libraries? She didn’t get that qualification for nothing. She knew it was easier to settle. It was easier to not ask for more of herself.

Maybe tonight she’d kiss Bucky and Steve, touch both of them. As she got dressed and put on makeup, she thought of the other times she’d felt wanted by them and not known it was real. The Christmas pageant was a prime example. They were clearly attracted to her and she’d dismissed it because it was harder to accept she was worthy of that type of attention.

She liked to play it off, but what happened with Ian really messed her up. She hated that a man did that to her, but it was the reality. She thought of Annabeth, too, and knew she couldn’t settle for feeling like shit because of another woman’s opinion of her. And Riley, too – a teenager having power over her? Fuck that.

She arrived at the restaurant and parked out back. From the reviews she’d read online, the place was well-known for its friendly service, surviving the gentrification of the neighborhood through word-of-mouth and returning customers. Darcy tried not to think too far ahead, picturing the three of them coming there every couple weeks, having a usual table, a happy little routine…

Darcy pushed open the door and glanced behind the host’s station and saw Bucky facing the door, Steve’s back to her. They were in a booth toward the back and Darcy held up a hand to wave. The host smiled at her, letting her through.

It was dimly lit, with red accents to the décor. There were pictures all over the walls of scenes of Rome. They sat under a still photograph from Fellini’s _La Dolce Vita_ and Darcy could picture the scene of the fountain at night, Marcello kissing Sylvia.

As Darcy walked over to them, Bucky and Steve rose from their seats. Bucky touched his hair self-consciously, pushing it out of his face as she came to him first to kiss his cheek.

“Hi.”

“Hello,” he replied, and Darcy turned to Steve, kissing his cheek.

He pulled her into a hug and she returned it with a smile.

“We ordered wine,” Steve said.

Darcy sat down beside Bucky and saw his glass was already empty with a few drops left over and she glanced at Bucky’s face, seeing he was pinker.

“Breadsticks are comin’,” he murmured.

Darcy nodded, picking up a menu and studying it.

“You look amazing,” Steve said, and Darcy looked up from her page, flashing a grin.

“Thank you, honey.”

“Yeah, you look…” Bucky began, and Darcy looked at him, blinking. “I mean, you always do.”

She reached to stroke his cheek for a second, smiling.

“Thank you.”

She could see he’d put on a buttoned-down shirt, its material crinkled, but the gesture was still touching. Steve was dressed similarly to how he did for school, but he’d spritzed himself with some type of cologne, a woodsy fragrance, and his cheeks were smoother than earlier.

“You both look very handsome.”

Darcy moved to take off her coat and threw it over the back of her chair. Her cashmere sweater showed a decent amount of cleavage and she flashed a little smile at Steve who was watching her as he fiddle with the stem of his wine glass. Bucky was looking outside the window, before he grabbed the wine bottle to pour himself more wine. He filled the glass in front of Darcy as her eyes settled on the spaghetti.

“Do I go kosher or not?” she murmured. She picked up her wine, sipping. “That’s yummy.”

Bucky turned the bottle over, squinting at it.

“I don’t know what it is.”

“Shiraz,” Steve and Darcy said together.

“Huh,” Bucky muttered, taking a gulp.

The waiter brought breadsticks. As they waited for their mains, Bucky was working steadily through the rest of the bottle of wine, sipping every couple of minutes. Darcy spoke about Maureen again and Steve laughed, but she knew Bucky was distracted by how he kept going quiet and glancing around the restaurant.

“Buck’s tipsy,” Steve announced, when they were first twirling their spaghetti on their forks.

Bucky began to giggle and Darcy joined in with him, watching as he was clumsy with his movements, a hand passing over his face.

“You want some help? I can cut it up for you like my mom used to,” she whispered, nudging him.

He and kissed her on the lips, shaking his head. The kiss wasn’t altogether innocent, and Darcy licked her lips, tasting the wine.

“You sure?” Darcy murmured.

“I mean, I’m pretty drunk,” he admitted.

He ate slower than Steve or Darcy, and he didn’t end up finishing his plate. He glanced across the table to Steve, a slow smile forming.

“Stevie,” he murmured.

“We should get you home,” Steve said, and he looked at Darcy. “We got dessert before.”

Darcy sat up a little straighter, making Steve chuckle.

“Why didn’t you say so, let’s go…”

As they were leaving, she took Bucky by the arm, walking them out as Steve lead the way. The cold air hit them and Darcy began to shiver, pulling Bucky toward her car.

“We’ll meet you there?” she called to Steve, who nodded.

She put Bucky in the front seat before slipping into hers, turning the car on the crank up the heat.

“You’re so _little_ ,” Bucky said, eyes unfocused as he looked at her.

Darcy checked her mirrors.

“Too much to drink,” he added, more to himself than her, as Darcy pulled out of her parking space to reverse and leave the lot. “Fuckin’ idiot…”

“Happens to all of us,” Darcy said. She turned her head slightly to give him a little smile.

“I got nervous,” Bucky said, and Darcy felt her heart sink a little.

“Oh, Buck…”

She reached for his hand and squeezed it.

“You don’t have to be nervous with me,” she said. “I’m scared about you guys, honestly.”

He screwed up his face, confused. “Why? We’ve both had crushes on you since the summer. If anythin’, I should be worried you’ll…”

He shook his head, abruptly cutting himself off.

“Never mind.”

“Worried I’ll what, babe?” she murmured.

He didn’t answer for a couple minutes, only when she’d stopped at an intersection, Steve’s car in the distance and turning a corner.

“I’m worried you’ll be disappointed. I got, uh, touch aversion sometimes,” he mumbled. He rubbed his eyes. “And then other times I’m all over Steve.”

That didn’t exactly surprise Darcy, considering how he didn’t want her touching him when she witnessed his last flashback on Christmas Day.

“What’re you scared about?” he asked.

Darcy felt her stomach flip.

“Just… I haven’t had sex in a while. I, um… I usually have sex with one person at a time,” she murmured, feeling her face flush. “But it’s okay. We’re not in a rush.”

They went quiet again, arriving back at the apartment and Bucky was holding her hand, pulling her into a kiss when she let them inside. Steve sat on the couch several feet away, the TV on.

“I like your… outfit,” Bucky murmured.

His eyes fell to her chest and he kissed her again, catching her lip between his two, his hands going to either side of her face. Darcy returned the heat of it, until he overtook her and they nearly fell over, his hand on her rear as Darcy’s fingers thread through his hair.

Darcy pulled back, her eyes meeting Steve’s across the room as Bucky’s mouth moved down the column of her neck.

“You gonna stay tonight, again?” he murmured, pulling back finally to kiss her on the mouth again, hands all over.

“I, uh – I would like to, if…”

Steve watched, the TV forgotten, as Darcy bit back a moan, Bucky’s teeth grazing her throat. She didn’t want to ruin the mood, but she wanted to breathe and make sense of what was happening.

“Just a sec,” she said, pushing his chest with her hands, and Bucky stepped back, blinking hard.

“M’Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Hey, it’s okay…”

She took off her coat, dropping it by the door with her bag, and took Bucky by his sleeve to pull him toward Steve and the couch.

She was wedged between them, Bucky’s hand on her thigh and squeezing, already back to kissing her face as Steve turned his head to watch them, his eyes meeting Darcy’s.

“You feelin’ left out?” Bucky murmured, and he moved toward Steve.

His kiss was sloppier than last night, but Darcy still couldn’t look away, feeling her whole body respond as they kissed, Steve’s eyes snapping open at one point before he pulled back with a smack of their lips.

“Horny, drunk Bucky,” he murmured, and Darcy snorted.

“Hornier,” Bucky corrected, and Darcy was still pressed up between them, the air thin and taut.

Bucky looked at her, too, Steve’s nose nuzzling his cheek, his lips nipping at him.

“C’mere,” Bucky murmured, and she did with a simple lifting of her face toward them.

She kissed Bucky hard, Steve’s mouth on his throat and biting down. Darcy’s hands fell to the buttons she could reach, her fingers working the first couple buttons in between panting breaths. She moved on instinct, her eyes meeting Steve’s as they both took turns kissing Bucky and gliding their hands over his chest and through his long hair.

Darcy pulled back when she needed more air, her chest feeling tighter.

“You okay?” Steve said, more sobered than Darcy expected. “Maybe we should put you to bed, Buck.”

“My head hurts,” he admitted, shutting his eyes for a second and shaking his head. “If the fuckin’… recrimination’s already sunk in, that’s a bad sign…”

“Big word,” Steve said, kissing his cheek fondly. “C’mon.”

Darcy stayed on the couch, biting her nail as she waited, feeling hot all over. She picked up the remote, hearing the soft rumbling murmurs from the bedroom, wondering what was happening. She thought about joining them but hunted for _La Dolce Vita_ instead, finding it on Amazon to stream. By the time she’d set it up, she heard Steve come back in and he slipped in beside her on the couch, draping his arm around her.

He seemed to do it on instinct and the gesture instantly comforted her, Darcy’s feet tucking under her as she rose a hand to touch Steve’s chest.

“He okay?”

“Out cold,” he murmured into her hair, kissing her crown. “Didn’t take a lot.”

“Like me last night?” Darcy whispered, and Steve chuckled.

“Uh, no,” he said. “I didn’t need to do _that_ for him to sleep.”

Darcy turned her head, looking up at him.

“I haven’t kissed you in a while,” she whispered.

He cupped her cheek, slanting his mouth over hers, sighing into it as Darcy’s mouth opened to his for him to deepen it. She wrapped her arms around his neck, tilting her head this way and that, her fingers threading through the hair at the base of his skull. It was slow but nonetheless heady, Darcy’s stomach reigniting with desire, her hips canting slightly when Steve’s hand trailed down her face to her arm and then finally down to her ass to grab a handful.

“I like these pants,” he murmured against her lips.

They were tight-fitting slacks that flared out at the bottom, hugging her curves. It meant wearing a thong, which Darcy wasn’t a fan of generally, but the silhouette was appreciated.

“Bucky said you’re scared,” he said, and Darcy felt her face fall.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “He said he drank because he got nervous.”

“It happens,” Steve whispered.

The arm that wrapped around her stroked her lower back, his nose brushing hers.

“I’m scared because I’m afraid of disappointing both of you,” she whispered. “And I know it’s dumb, but I worry about the sex being this letdown, and…”

Steve shook his head. “That’s impossible, Darce.”

“I didn’t get to touch you last night,” she said. “You… went down on me. Guys don’t tend to do that without me prompting them, and – you haven’t even seen me naked. I haven’t seen _you_ naked.”

The silence between them was filled with another long kiss, Steve’s thoroughness enough to make Darcy light-headed when she resurfaced.

“What’re you thinkin’?”

“I’m trying to not feel guilty,” Darcy admitted. “If one of you isn’t here, am I supposed to wait? Bucky said something about touch aversion…”

“He told you about that?” Steve asked, and Darcy nodded.

“I think he thinks you and I are gonna be without him or something,” Darcy said. “More than before, I mean. I told him no.”

“So you need to believe me when I say that you’re not gonna disappoint either of us,” Steve said, and Darcy frowned a little. “Since you want Bucky to believe that you and I won’t do that to him.”

“I know, I know,” she whispered. “I just don’t want it to be… like our first time isn’t together. Even though I’m worried about it still. I mean, I _really_ want it…”

“It’s okay,” Steve said, laughing a little. “Let’s watch the movie…”

Darcy shook her head and he laughed again. She kissed him, taking hold of his face to pour herself into it, his soft moan echoing in her ears as she pushed on, ignoring her doubt.

When she broke away for air, her hand reached between them for Steve’s belt buckle and his eyes flashed as he realized her intention, his lips red and wet from kissing.

“Okay?” she whispered, and he nodded.

She reached into his slacks and Steve moaned, taking hold of her face by the chin. He was thick, hard and so, so warm in her hand as she pulled him out of his underwear.

“Fuck,” he groaned, pulling her into a rough kiss as she began to stroke.

His other hand moved to cup her through her pants and Darcy gasped, their foreheads bumping. There was a shuffling and his hand shoved down her pants and under the waistband of her underwear, his middle finger pressing down between her wet folds.

When he managed to reach that part of her, he pressed into her hand, a rough groan escaping, and Darcy sucked his tongue into her mouth, moving faster as he rubbed her.

Her breath was coming in sharp pants, all sensations focusing to the space between her thighs and she stopped completely, fighting against the feeling, and Steve pulled back a little, whispering:

“I wanna see your face when you come, Darce. So beautiful, you feel so fuckin’… good…”

Darcy gave a little cry as she came, clenching on nothing, seeing spots at the edge of her vision. It was perfect, for something so simple, and she slumped against him as she recovered, her hand still wrapped around his cock, Steve’s kisses pressing into her face.

“So beautiful,” he whispered, and Darcy gave a breathless laugh.

She turned her head to kiss him on the mouth again, her hand beginning to move, stroking him faster as Steve kissed her back with a fierceness, chasing his own end.

He began to huff, and Darcy glanced down, feeling him change in her hand. His eyes flew shut.

“Darcy – _fuck_ …”

He was flushed and beautifully wounded when he came, the mess spilling into her fist, and he caught her in one last sloppy kiss before it was all over, his other hand coming down to grip her wrist, laughing weakly.

Darcy moved off to find the paper towels in the kitchen and she cleaned up, returning to his side as Steve pulled his pants back on. He wrapped an arm around her, staring deep into her eyes, humming with a deep satisfaction. Darcy grinned up at him.

“Watch the movie, Miss Lewis.”

“You watch it, too, Mr Rogers,” she replied.

He kissed her again and again, and Darcy could hear Marcello and Sylvia in the fountain somewhere far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this over the last few days. I think I've been trying to live up to expectations. It is not lost on me that Darcy's been putting off sex due to nerves, the same as my smut's been only certain bases... Not to get everyone revved up but it's _fucking happening_ next chapter. I'm sure I'll probably have some kind of mental breakdown in the mean time, but it's fine. Please be nice to me in the comments, [I'm a stupid baby](https://youtu.be/A880UBloIdY?t=20)
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	37. Part Thirty Seven: I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **nsfw** , Jesus has risen

_Now my life is sweet like cinnamon_  
_Like a fucking dream I'm living in_  
**\- "Radio" by Lana Del Rey**

**Part Thirty Seven:**

**I Love You**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Darcy woke on Sunday morning in the same place she did yesterday, between Bucky and Steve.

Her eyes shifted across the ceiling as she blinked, rubbing her eyes as she reoriented herself, remembering where she was. She’d gone to bed later than Friday, so she’d woken after dawn. If she had to guess, she’d say it was after 8am, which she considered a thorough sleep-in those days.

When they’d finished watching the movie last night, she went to her bag to get her toothbrush and she stood with Steve at the sink together as they brushed. They kept giggling at one another, making faces in the mirror and at one another with a turn of their heads. Darcy went back out to her bag to take out her pajamas and slipped them on in the dark, moving as quietly as she could into the bedroom, flipping off the hall light along the way.

Steve was waiting for her, shirtless and under the covers. Alpine slept at the end of the bed and Darcy moved to crawl across the blankets. She felt Steve’s hand slip up to touch the back of her thigh once she was under the covers. She lay on her stomach, his fingers stroking her skin as Bucky’s soft snores filled the silence.

She was sure her brain wouldn’t allow her to sleep for some time, and she was right, especially with Steve’s hand still on her. She bit her lip in the dark, wondering if she was masochistic enough to let him tease her if she circled her hips in invitation. He gave her butt a little pat and she giggled, smothering the sound in the mattress as she heard his accompanying soft chuckle. He gripped her left butt cheek and Darcy made a little sound low in her throat, keeping perfectly still, but instead of going further, she felt Steve’s lips brush her ear, whispering:

“Go to sleep.”

She could hear they were both asleep, their backs to her. Darcy moved a little closer to Bucky, lifting up enough to inspect him. His lips were parted, his face relaxed and blissful, his long hair fanned out on his pillow. She scooted closer still, lifting a hand to stroke his cheek with her knuckles, waiting. He pulled in a deep breath. He began to move, shifting to lie on his back, his eyes blinking up at her.

“Darcy,” he whispered, and he was smiling at her.

It was liking trying to stare into the sun. Maybe it was too early for a Bucky megawatt smile, when she was the one waking him up, demanding _his_ attention. She smiled back, his hand coming up to touch the side of her face. His eyes fell to her mouth as he spoke:

“You stayed over again.”

“Yeah,” she breathed. “You want breakfast?”

He nodded, letting her slip out of his grasp. She walked into the kitchen and fed Alpine, going to the fridge before returning to Bucky’s side of the bed to sit down with a plate.

“Here you go,” she whispered, and he was sitting up for her, smiling at what she’d brought. “Highly nutritious breakfast…”

It was a slice of lemon meringue pie, the dessert Darcy had been promised. She sipped her mug of coffee as Bucky took the plate and had a couple bites. She’d had her own serving last night with Steve stealing a few mouthfuls when they were curled up together on the couch.

“How are you feeling?” she murmured, and Bucky chewed and swallowed.

“Okay. I had some water when I got up before to take a leak,” he muttered. He put the plate down on the nightstand and wiped his mouth with his hand like a boy.

Darcy put her mug aside and Bucky lifted the blanket for her to slip under again. She gave a little giggle as she moved under, more or less lying on top of Bucky in the process. She felt the reality of it sink in, being in his arms, after the night she’d had with them both, the things that were said.

“You’re not hungover?” she said, to break the silence.

Everything suddenly felt so serious, her skin tingling under his gaze, the way his eyes were trained on her face as she spoke. She rested her chin on his chest, his head tilted, their noses brushing. His hand was on her back, fingers tracing the skin that was exposed by how her tank top was hitching up.

“Nah,” he replied, his voice soft. “I didn’t shower yesterday though, do I stink?”

Darcy moved up, making him chuckle as she shoved her nose toward his arm pit he’d exposed with his hand behind his head. She shook her head.

“Not in a bad way,” she murmured.

“I stink in a good way?” he replied, and Darcy shrugged a shoulder, knowing it didn’t make a lot of sense.

She barely lifted up to reach him, catching his lip between her two. He smiled into the kiss, his hand coming down from behind his head to delve deep into her hair. He deepened it immediately, his tongue plying her lips open to him, Darcy’s breath hitching as he gripped her a little tighter, tugging her hair.

Being this close to him, she could feel him hardening against her hip, the tanginess of the lemon on his tongue as he drank from her, Darcy’s moan breaking through as he tried to hold onto some part of him for purchase, her hands settling on either side of his head on the pillow.

They broke apart eventually and Darcy’s eyes fell to the movement beside her, seeing Steve roll onto his side, watching Bucky hold her flush against him, his lips brushing hers as they panted.

“Did you guys -?” Bucky asked, eyes darting to Steve. “Last night?”

“Rubbed one out,” Steve said, and Darcy felt Bucky’s hand flex against her back at Steve’s choice of words.

“I didn’t want to do anything more without you,” Darcy whispered.

She kept thinking of jumping off of a diving board. It was better not to overthink. She didn’t see herself stopping what she was doing now, especially with how he responded when the tip of her tongue met his bottom lip, stroking upwards.

He groaned, capturing her in another long kiss, his hips canting into hers. Darcy’s gasp was smothered by Bucky’s mouth, the mattress creaking as Steve moved closer to them.

Darcy pulled back and Steve took her by the jaw, bringing her toward him in a rough kiss, and it was overwhelming. Everything felt too hot and Darcy whimpered, pulling back with a smack of their lips.

“Just a sec –”

She was breathless, her hands going to the hem of her top to pull it off, and she could feel her face blushing as she tossed it aside somewhere on the floor, two pairs of eyes on her naked chest.

Steve dove, Bucky following him. Steve went straight to her right nipple, latching onto it with Bucky’s hand kneading her other breast, tugging her into another kiss. She groaned, feeling everything go straight to her cunt. Steve was thorough, pulling back with a loud suck, her nipple wet and hard, Bucky’s hand rolling her as he moved down her face and neck.

Steve was watching Bucky suck on Darcy’s other nipple, his hand disappearing down under the blankets and smoothing over her rear. His eyes met Darcy’s and he snapped the waistband of her shorts.

“You wanna take these off?” he whispered, and she nodded, her eyes falling back to Bucky’s.

All three of them tugged down the shorts and Darcy bit her lip, anticipating Bucky now touching her, his hand gliding up from her knee to her hip, fingers curling into her underwear.

He pulled off of her nipple finally, eyes glued to hers.

“Someone – please, I want someone to…”

Darcy let out a moan, her eyes fluttering shut when a hand felt between her legs over the cotton fabric. By the look on his face, it was Bucky, finding her already damp.

“Fuck,” he hissed. “Darce…”

“Bucky,” she moaned, forcing her eyes to meet his. “Please… I want you. _Please_.”

There was a shuffling and Darcy shoved down her underwear, kicking them away, climbing on top of Bucky, feeling his cock was between them. She glanced down, seeing him naked and beautiful and she thought she might cry, everything seeming to rise up from her throat.

“Stevie,” she whispered, pulling him into a kiss, glancing down to his underwear he still wore.

He was pressed up against them, kissing Bucky’s face every few seconds, checking him with little glances.

“I wanna see both of you,” she whispered, and Steve obliged, everything gone in seconds.

“You okay?” he whispered, and she nodded, her stomach flipping.

“I’m a little nervous.”

“Go slow,” he said, smiling up at her. “You’re so beautiful.”

Darcy bit her lip, overcome. “I, uh…”

Her eyes drifted from Steve to Bucky and back again.

“I have something to tell you.”

Neither of them said anything and Darcy took a deep breath, exhaling shakily.

“I love you,” she whispered. “I love both of you.”

She moved to kiss Steve and then Bucky, feeling her eyes prickle. She scrubbed her face, feeling hands from the two of them stroke her skin to soothe her.

“I love you,” Steve said, and she bit her lip hard, nodding at him.

Bucky pulled her into another kiss, longer and hungry, breaking apart enough to whisper:

“I love you.”

She sunk onto him, gasping at the stretch, his breath hot on her face as he groaned in return. He pulled her closer, drawing his knees up until his thighs brushed hers.

Something about that gesture drove her wild, him holding onto her as tight as he could, moving to get better leverage as they began to move in shallow thrusts of their bodies.

She felt as if she was filled to the brim, physically and emotionally. She tried not to picture how she must look, so overcome by everything in and all around her. She didn’t want to ruin this in any way.

She kept alternating kisses between the two of them, her hand slipping down to take hold of Steve, wanting to touch both of them at once.

The intensity of it all was making her eyes mist, her whole body alight with the sensations of so many hands and lips. She stroked Steve blindly, her eyes squeezed shut as Bucky pushed into her, and everything was increasing by each degree of pleasure, her moans filling the bedroom. She felt a hand pass down her stomach to where she and Bucky joined and she tightened on instinct, her clit rubbed. She glanced down, blinking blearily at Bucky’s thumb teasing her clit before Steve captured her in another kiss, his tongue probing.

She lost all sense of herself, everything swooping as she came, sweat breaking out on her chest. She felt as though she’d never stop trembling, clenching and slackening, Bucky’s groan beneath her the only thing to anchor her to reality.

She slumped forward and he caught her, bucking into her faster, chasing his own pleasure. Darcy took hold of his face, panting into possessive kisses, wanting to feel him come apart beneath him. He began to huff, breaking off their kiss.

“I’m gonna come…”

Darcy was about to remind him he could if that’s what he wanted, since she was on the pill. They’d both seen her take it before, but he was pulling out of her and came in his fist, his eyes squeezed shut as the tendon on his neck stood out.

There was a pause and Bucky moved to wash his hands, Darcy’s eyes darting to his bare ass as he walked out, and Steve tugged into the center of the bed a second later with a surprised squeal escaping her.

He pushed her legs apart and moved between them until he lay in the cradle of her hips, his kiss filthy, as if he was fucking her with his tongue as a prelude of what was to come. Darcy, still recovering from what had just happened with Bucky, was panting and whimpering, pinned beneath Steve as he brought a thigh over his hip, his hand gliding down to grab a handful of her ass.

He started to grind against her, rubbing the length of him against her sensitive clit, groaning in appreciation at the slipperiness of her, pulling back with dark eyes, sharing a panting breath with her. It reminded her of the first time they kissed with her slammed into the library shelves. She felt stalked, and he was ready to pounce.

She let out a little needy sound as he was briefly distracted, the mattress dipping as Bucky re-joined them, and she moved to bite Steve on the neck.

“Hey,” he whispered, and he kissed her hard in retaliation, grinding against her clit for several seconds. He pulled back, Darcy’s legs falling open as he moved toward the bedside table on his side, fishing out a little bottle.

“Lil’ bead of lube,” he whispered, squeezing out a little on his first and middle finger tips. “Force of habit.”

Darcy sighed as he felt between her legs, everything feeling silkier once more, and he capped the bottle again to throw it aside and she giggled at him, getting a smile in return.

From his lying position on his side, Bucky’s lips brushed Darcy’s temple before Steve pulled her back under him, lining himself up with her.

“Okay?” he whispered, and Darcy nodded.

Steve began to push inside her with a grunt, Darcy’s eyes closing as she felt stretched again, despite how wet and willing she already felt.

“Tight,” Steve whispered, looking at Bucky, who nodded at him with a grin spreading across his face.

Steve went still when he was fully seated inside her and Bucky took Darcy by the chin, kissing her tenderly. It made a sharp contrast when Steve began to slip back out of her, before slamming into Darcy, her cry smothered by Bucky’s lips.

She broke away from him. “Oh, my God.”

Steve moved faster than Bucky, and harder, Darcy’s fingers gripping like claws to Bucky’s shoulder and the blanket beside her.

She couldn’t keep still or quiet, Steve’s hand coming under her backside to angle her hips a little higher, hitting a spot that made her moan, her eyes widening. He fucked her with a rough precision.

“Steve- Steve-Steve – _Steve_ -!”

Her back arched off of the bed when Bucky’s hand snaked down between them, his eyes on her face like Steve's were, watching her fall apart, her head thrown back.

It was nothing short of euphoria, and she could feel the world coming back in little pieces, Steve’s moaning growing louder, his body smacking into hers with mounting speed.

He brought her into a kiss, bucking into her until he was wrung out, groaning and shuddering above her. He pulled back, kissing her face, her forehead.

The three of them together, Darcy was light-headed and made of liquid, Steve slipping out of her but still holding her beneath him, his face buried in her neck.

“I need a second,” she slurred. “I just need a second and then I’ll move…”

She was pretty sure she’d have trouble walking for a few minutes anyway. She might have to be carried out of there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	38. Part Thirty Eight: Sunday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤

_And I don't have the guts to carry on without you_   
_When storm breaks through I'll be standing there_   
_Waiting for you_   
**\- "Confess" by Jack River**

**Part Thirty Eight:**

**Sunday**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

“Are we going to do anything today?”

Bucky’s arm was around Darcy, her head resting on his chest with Steve sat up beside her with the newspaper. Alpine was licking her fingers in between the head scratches Darcy gave him. No-one was wearing clothes under the blankets.

“What are you talkin’ about?” Bucky murmured, kissing her head. “We’ve done plenty today.”

After she went to clean up earlier, she come back to bed and slept another two hours. Bucky and Steve had done the same, until Steve decided to make more coffee and get the paper, leaving Bucky and Darcy to sleep while he was gone.

“Are you complainin’?” he added, and she tilted her head up to smile at him.

“No, never.”

“We could use a shower,” Steve muttered, flipping a page. Darcy shot him a look over her shoulder and he rose an eyebrow. “Really, you _don’t_ think Buck’s gettin’ ripe?”

“She likes it,” Bucky cut in. “And don’t act like you don’t, either...”

Steve went back to reading and Darcy giggled, earning a hand under the blankets reach to pinch her thigh and she jolted in surprise, angling away from Steve. He pulled the blanket off of him, folding the newspaper and swinging his legs over to place his feet on the floor.

“I’m gettin’ up,” he muttered to himself. “Tryin’ to have a civilisation…”

Darcy stared at him openly as he redressed, pulling back on his underwear and a pair of sweatpants, then his shirt and a hoodie whose owner Darcy didn’t know. It was olive green and looked soft. When he left them behind, Bucky muttered:

“He’s full of shit. He’s the one who’s always stayin’ in bed all weekend.”

“Shut up, Buck,” Steve called, and Darcy giggled.

A few minutes later, the toilet flushed and Steve returned, eyes falling to Darcy still wrapped in Bucky’s embrace, his eyes falling to Alpine.

“I’m takin’ the cat.”

“No!” Darcy said, reaching to cuddle Alpine to her, the cat enjoying all the sudden attention and purring loudly. “He’s my baby. He _loves_ me.”

Alpine began to wriggle out, shaking himself when he was free. He began to wash his face as Steve reached toward him to pet his head gingerly with his big fingers. Alpine gave Steve a nibble and Darcy chuckled.

“He’s still comin’ with me,” Steve whispered, moving to scoop him up.

Darcy pouted. “But then it’ll be just us two.”

“Buck doesn’t seem to mind,” Steve muttered.

“Are you jealous?” Darcy teased, sitting up a little, the blanket falling from covering her upper half, and Steve’s eyes fell to her bare chest.

“Yes,” he said.

“Stevie…”

“No, I’m up.”

He turned to leave but Darcy said:

“I think we should talk about this, properly,” she said.

Steve stopped, placing Alpine on the mattress again. He folded his arms, waiting. Darcy glanced at Bucky, who’d seemed to have sobered, too.

“This is nuts, the three of us,” she said, and Steve let out a breath of a laugh. “You know it is, right? I’ve never done this before, but two guys and one girl is a terrible idea.”

“Kinda missin’ an integral part of the dynamics, hon,” Steve said, smirking.

“Right, so you can see why I’d feel like I’m a usurper,” she said, and Steve shook his head. “Or, maybe less dramatic language – I’m intruding.”

“You ain’t,” Bucky grunted.

“I’m gonna need you both to remind me of that every so often, then,” Darcy admitted. “Because I’m still learning, and it’s a steep curve so far. We should have a few rules, at least.”

“Like what?” Bucky asked, and she bit her lip.

“Major one, sort of obvious, but I’d rather have it out in the open,” Darcy said, clearing her throat. “We can’t always have the three of us together, and we have to allow for that restriction.”

Steve’s brow lifted slightly, glancing at Bucky. “You hear that, sweetheart?”

“How will we live with ourselves,” Bucky muttered, and she hit Bucky’s arm.

“I’m serious. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being jealous, but I’m being realistic. You’ve obviously had more time together,” she said. Bucky caught her hand and kissed her fingers. “I want us to be able to explore each relationship.”

She swallowed, meeting Bucky’s gaze and then Steve’s.

“Because I love you, both of you,” she said. “And sometimes I’ll feel left out –”

“And sometimes we’ll feel left out,” Steve said, and she nodded.

“Like you are, now,” she said, with a little grin.

Steve shook his head. “Oh, no. I’m fine – I’ve got the _cat_.”

“What else,” Bucky said, and Darcy looked away, trying to think.

“I don’t know if we can tell anyone,” she said eventually. “Same as you two haven’t really told anyone. Catholic school, the three of us?”

“If it feels good, it’s wrong,” Steve muttered, passing a hand over his face with a sigh. “Motto of the Catholic Church.”

Darcy swallowed. “And I’ll need time.”

She tried to think of a way to phrase it without sounding juvenile. She bit her lip, considering her words. Finally, she took a deep breath.

“I’ve barely seen you two kiss, I’m still getting used to seeing you two together, with me,” she murmured. “I’m trying to say that I know that there’s more to it than that, but I’m not sure how ready I am to witness it…”

She had some idea what it might be like. She couldn’t ignore the lack of surprise on Bucky’s face when Steve drove into her hard and fast hours before. She remembered how Bucky said he bossed him around, and there was that bottle of lube Steve got out…

“I don’t know how to phrase it without sounding like a prude,” Darcy groaned, putting her face in her hands.

Bucky kissed the side of her face, both men laughing softly.

“It’s okay.”

“You’re not a prude,” Steve added.

“I hope I’m not!” Darcy said, taking her hands away. “I mean, I’m turned on but terrified at the same time, whatever that means…”

“Sounds about right,” Bucky muttered.

“I should get up,” Darcy babbled, moving to get out of bed.

She dressed and the three of them made toast for lunch. They ate at the table and Darcy tried to think of school, of all the thing she meant to do. It was harder with Steve and Bucky with her. Steve got out papers to mark and stayed at the table while Darcy and Bucky watched a movie on the couch. Darcy kept checking the clock on her phone, not wanting to leave but knowing it was inevitable.

Eventually, Bucky stretched and kissed Darcy on the cheek, making a face when he drew back from her.

“I really should shower.”

He got up, moving toward Steve and tipped his head upward from the paper he was staring down at, kissing him. Steve gave a chuckle, his hand coming up to rest on Bucky’s lower back for a few seconds. Bucky broke away, walking down the hall.

Darcy turned her head away, back toward the TV screen as she heard the shower come on in the distance. Then she felt the air change, the couch dipping beside her, and then she was pulled toward Steve. She hovered above him, seeing him up-close again, his lips parted and his eyes searching her face. She’d missed him, even when he was sitting just a few feet away from her while she was on the couch.

“Steve,” she whispered, and he kissed her with a soft groan, their mouths opening and Darcy was filled with hot blood, her shirt in his fist.

She had no chance getting either of them out of her head. Kisses grew frantic and clumsy as Darcy panted, Steve’s mouth on her lips and face.

“C’mere,” he said, into her mouth, shoving his sweatpants down, his hand between them to stroke his cock, aiming it upward.

Darcy took off her leggings she’d pulled on earlier and he gathered her into his lap. She was desperate, whimpering little needy sounds when Steve licked his palm, stroking himself.

“I got you,” he whispered. “I got you.”

Darcy was lowered onto him, trembling with each inch of him filling her until he bottomed out with a sigh, one hand on her hip and his other in her hair, gathering her mane into his fist. They went still for several seconds as Darcy felt her face tingle with the overwhelming stretch below. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, huffing with her eyes squeezed shut.

She finally began to ride, her fingers curling like claws into Steve’s shirt, his mouth sealing over hers.

“Holy… shit,” she whispered, when he began to work against the grain, the friction making her toes curl.

Steve took over, holding her tight as he pushed up into her, murmuring to her:

“Only thing stoppin’ me from comin’ is how fuckin’ _good_ you feel…”

Darcy let out a louder moan, his thumb rubbing her clit in rough circles as she tensed up, her hips losing rhythm as she pushed back against him.

“ _Yes_ ,” Steve whispered, groaning when Darcy came, clenching around him with a broken cry.

He fucked her through it and Darcy went limp, shivering with pleasure as she crashed back down, panting into his mouth.

“What the hell. I was gone for five minutes,” came a voice, and she glanced up, seeing Bucky had returned, hair wet, frowning at them both with his hands on his hips.

Darcy whimpered, and Steve picked up speed.

“She couldn’t take it,” he said to Bucky, his voice strained.

He clung Darcy to him and came deep inside her with a long groan in her neck, hips stuttering.

-

Much later, Darcy left them to return to her apartment.

She was quite certain that Maureen could see she’d been well fucked, by how messy Darcy’s hair was. She probably smelt of both Bucky and Steve, too...

“Nice weekend, Maureen?” she called, walking up the steps without looking back.

“Wouldn’t know anything about that,” Darcy’s landlord grumbled.

Inside her place, it felt pretty empty. She gave a little sigh, glancing around the living room. Her eyes landed on the Party City bags and she thought about crawling into bed alone, the idea miserable to her.

It took two rings for Bucky to pick up, a new record.

“I miss you,” she said immediately. “I know it’s dumb, and maybe I’m just needy. But I miss both of you already. I just wanted you to know.”

There was a beat.

“I was already gonna call you,” Bucky admitted, and Darcy could hear the familiar sound of Steve’s chuckle in the background.

“Oh,” Darcy managed to reply.

She smiled, feeling her heart swell. Bucky let out a long-suffering sigh.

"Jesus Christ. What am I supposed to do with you two?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	39. Part Thirty Nine: Lemon Squares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **nsfw**

_People like us, we play with a heavy balloon_   
_We keep it up to keep the devil at bay, but it always falls way too soon_   
**\- "Heavy" by Fiona Apple**

**Part Thirty Nine:**

**Lemon Squares**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Darcy decided that she’d grown out of waking up alone. It was a miserable business on the cold Monday morning following the longest weekend of her life so far.

Her car’s windscreen covered in frost didn’t help things, either, not when Darcy neglected to buy a de-icer for the umpteenth weekend in a row. She meant to do it, it was on her long mental list that steadily grew each working week. Now she was pouring water on the glass and hopelessly scraping away with whatever she could find, and managed to make her way to Sacred Heart without crashing.

She felt better, knowing that she’d be seeing Bucky and Steve again, which was why she gave Clint a big smile on her way to the back door as he arrived at the same time as her. His kids ran ahead like always, and Clint lagging behind with a frown on his face.

“Hello!” Darcy said with a wave. She was everything bright and bubbly she hadn’t felt in quite some time, hence the reaction she warranted from the coach whose eyes were still slightly puffy from waking up.

“What the hell happened to you?”

“What?”

“Every time I’ve seen you first thing in the morning for the last few months, you’ve only ever given the impression you needed a stiff drink – wait, there it is. There’s the look.”

Darcy had frowned, and Clint smirked at her.

“I had a nice weekend,” she mumbled.

She felt a little better when Wanda wandered into the library ten minutes later, seeing _Islands In The Stream_. Naturally, Darcy sang as Dolly Parton back to her. Wanda began to rummage through the bags of wigs Darcy brought, as Darcy recounted her run-in with Riley on Friday.

“Of course she did,” Wanda said with a little sigh, when Darcy was through. “God. I hope she doesn’t get worse with age. I always thought she was a little intense, but…”

She made a face.

“Makes me not want to give her the cute little thing I made.”

“What?”

Wanda rummaged through her bag on the floor next to the circulation desk, before holding up a pair of long white knee socks, handing them over to Darcy.

There was a little outline of a blue rabbit on each ankle in neat cross-stitch. Darcy’s lips parted.

“Oh, she won’t appreciate these,” Darcy murmured. “But they’re so cute.”

“Whatever,” Wanda said. “ _I’ll_ appreciate them.”

-

Darcy didn’t manage to see either Steve or Bucky before school, though she’d been texting them pretty much non-stop since yesterday. Every time she thought of them she was transported, and she wondered how other people managed to do this. She thought about watching Betty and Bruce to see how they coped with being professional. It wasn’t spoken about ever during school hours, but they were definitely dating.

The mundane routine of Darcy’s morning meant she wasn’t present a lot of the time. She’d do a menial task and then snap out of her reverie when the bell rang outside the library.

It wasn’t until lunch that she saw Steve racing out of his class room. She managed to catch him when she ducked out of the library, headed for the staff room. He was pulling on his whistle for yard duty and he glanced her way, taking a second for her face to sink in.

“Hey. Hey!” he said it twice and Darcy felt herself burst into a smile.

He came toward her, copying the hand she put up in a little wave.

“You busy?”

“Yard duty,” he said, voice soft.

Several children ran past them and they called after them in unison:

“Walk, don’t run!”

They fell silent when they were alone, and Steve moved a little closer to her, resting his hand over her head on the door frame she leant against.

“You doin’ anything this afternoon?” he murmured, his eyes falling to her mouth before they snapped back up to her eyes. “After rehearsals?”

“Baking,” she said. “For the sale tomorrow.”

“I’ve got an oven,” he murmured. “Bring it over.”

“You’ve got a tub, too, if I remember correctly,” she murmured back.

He smirked. “Woulda thought me being there would be incentive enough…”

“You’re the one pointing out you have things I can use,” Darcy retorted.

Steve pushed off of the door frame, walking backwards with his arms wide.

“Use anything of mine you need, hon,” he said, and Darcy felt her stomach flip, thinking of yesterday and how he liked to pounce on her.

He walked off and Darcy chuckled to herself, feeling better. She wished she could be more affectionate, but even that little exchange was enough to raise some eyebrows. She knew she wasn’t about to be completely unprofessional with children and staff present.

It didn’t stop her from having heart eyes, and it didn’t stop her from going to visit Bucky’s shed after recess, with the ready excuse in her head if someone asked her what her business was outside of the library.

She knocked on his shed, heard him grunt from within and opened the door, stepping inside and leaning against the door.

He looked the same as before, and yet after the weekend, like Steve was, he was ten times lovelier to her. She saw it in the warmth of his eyes that regarded her, and he put down the metal piece he had in his hand, turning in his chair as Darcy came over to him.

She held his face in her hands, leaning down to kiss him, sighing into it. It ended faster than she liked, Bucky’s head bowing slightly so they broke apart, and Darcy moved back, dropping her hands, hoping the disappointment didn’t show too much on her face.

“Missed you,” she murmured.

“Missed you, too,” Bucky said, looking up at her. “What brings you to my lair?”

He was truly beautiful. Even when she didn’t know him at all he was undeniably attractive to her, and knowing him better now only amplified all the sappiness she was feeling. She smiled at him, and he smiled back, a little hesitant.

“I need something for the ice on my car in the mornings. Scraper of some kind,” she said, shoving her hands into her pockets.

Even though it was warmer in the shed, the air was still bitterly cold like it had been all morning, and she felt herself begin to shiver in earnest.

“What you use this morning?” he asked, making a face.

“Old laminated sign from the library,” Darcy said, widening her eyes slightly. “Not ideal. I meant to buy one this weekend, but…”

“It got away from you?” Bucky murmured, and the smile was back, less shy than before.

“The weekend got away from me, yeah,” she replied, grinning.

He got up, moved toward the shelf and reached over several cans of chemicals for something at the back, producing a can of de-icer he handed her.

“Thank you,” she said, leaning up to kiss him on the lips.

He didn’t return the heat of it, instead tensing as Darcy’s hand touched his that was speckled with motor oil.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t,” Darcy muttered, feeling a little foolish. “I’ll go.”

“M’sorry,” Bucky mumbled, and Darcy frowned, seeing his eyes close for a few seconds.

He seemed to be collecting himself and he sighed.

“It’s nothin’,” he said, gentler, before she could ask questions.

Darcy left him feeling uneasy, her stomach twisting as she walked back inside and into the library once more. She hadn’t expected him to act this way, after all they’d been through on the weekend. Minus the bedroom fun, there had been love confessions and tears.

It made it harder to be patient with the kids during rehearsals, especially the ones who decided to misbehave. Wanda wasn’t feeling much better than Darcy, finally snapping at Tommy Rumlow:

“You don’t wanna be here? I’ve got an understudy, you can leave.”

Tommy stopped laughing at his own joke, his smile dropping as his gaze ducked to the floor. He was meant to be quietly waiting for his next scene in the wings while Riley occupied the stage. Darcy’s eyes kept locking with his throughout the rehearsals, and she didn’t like that he was still managing to get under her skin so well.

“I’m staying,” Tommy grumbled, sounding younger.

Riley didn’t seem to appreciate it either, her hands on her hips as she waited for silence. She was wearing her new wig, managing to look perfect despite what Darcy knew about her bratty attitude. She even smiled at the socks Wanda gave her, pulling them on to wear with the thrifted shoes Darcy gave her.

“Go ahead, Riley,” Wanda said.

Darcy shifted in her seated position on the edge of the stage, facing inward with Wanda beside her. They shared a bag of Haribo gummi bears as they watched Riley move through the scene with ease.

“What’re you baking for tomorrow?” Darcy asked through the corner of her mouth.

“Black-bean fudge brownies,” Wanda answered with a little smile. “Technically vegan, but definitely not healthy. If anyone complains we’re not teaching nutrition –”

“Not that it’s our jobs,” Darcy cut in, stopping herself from rolling her eyes.

“- I can say they’re not entirely bad, with the black beans,” Wanda said, winking at Darcy as she popped another gummi bear in her mouth. “What about you?”

“Lemon squares,” Darcy mumbled with her mouth full.

There was a scream and they whipped their heads toward the sound, seeing Riley on the floor, Tommy standing above her, frozen still.

Wanda was up first, racing over with Darcy right behind her, while Riley sobbed on the floor, a circle forming around them as Wanda dropped to the floor beside Riley.

“What happened?” Wanda said, looking at Riley’s wrist she was clutching with her other hand as she wailed.

“Tommy threw me on the floor!” Riley sobbed, and Wanda glared up at him.

“I didn’t!” Tommy said immediately, his face going red. “I did the spin like we practiced and I dropped her by accident. I swear! I swear to God.”

Riley didn’t seem convinced, beginning to howl, and Wanda let out a sigh, putting her hand under her back to help her sit up.

“Come on, Riley. We’ll call your mom.”

“What about practice?” yelled one of the quieter kids that worked on the sets.

“I think we should call it a night,” Wanda called over her shoulder. “We’ll finish up early.”

“But the sale tomorrow will eat up more time!”

“Be quiet, David!” Wanda snapped. “Everyone go home.”

Darcy watched as the other kids began to pack up their things and file out of the theater. Tommy didn’t wait, stalking off in the other direction. Against better judgment, Darcy went looking for him on her way out, finding him sitting on the steps with his chin in his hands.

“What?” he snapped. “Someone called my dad yet? I didn’t _do_ anything.”

He glared at Darcy then, standing up. He was taller than her by a few inches, but Darcy didn’t freeze or shrink away. It didn’t stop her from glaring back at him.

“I _believe_ you,” she snapped. “I came to check on you.”

He blinked at her, confused. “What?”

“I believe you, Tommy,” she said, crossing her arms. “But you can make a scene without making a scene, you know what I mean?”

Tommy didn’t seem to follow, shaking his head. He looked more like his mother when he wasn’t scowling.

“Don’t be a little shit all the time,” Darcy said. “Maybe it’d be easier to take you seriously if you took everyone else seriously.”

He averted his gaze, giving a teenage nonchalant shrug.

“Whatever.”

His eyes were narrowed and Darcy saw a familiar figure coming out the front of the school, and her eyes swung to meet Steve’s as he came down the steps two at a time, his bag slung over his shoulder.

“Rumlow.”

“Sir,” Tommy said, taking a step away from Darcy, hunching over a little.

“Rehearsals ended early,” Darcy said, and Steve nodded, eyes still glued to Tommy.

“I heard. Riley’s convinced her wrist is broken, but she has to make do with an icepack Miss Maximoff got her from the first-aid closet for now,” he said. “Tommy, your dad pickin’ you up?”

Tommy shrugged. “I dunno.”

He went to sit back down and Steve rose his eyebrows at Darcy for a split second, his tough teacher façade momentarily gone. Darcy knew there’d be a lot of grilling after this. The three of them waited until the familiar SUV pulled up with Mrs Rumlow in the driver’s seat, her glasses lowering to regard Darcy and Steve.

“See you tomorrow, Tommy,” Steve called after him, but he wasn’t acknowledged.

When the car had driven off, Steve let out a long breath, their eyes meeting.

“What the fuck?”

“He dropped Riley by accident,” Darcy said, and Steve frowned.

“Really?” he said, and his eyes swung toward the school. “Wanda didn’t seem –”

“She’s wrong, I know a guilty asshole when I see one, and Tommy’s innocent,” Darcy cut in. She bit her lip. “I don’t see him coping well with that type of accusation, though. I won’t let him get cut from the play over this, that ain’t fair.”

She could feel herself getting worked up, and then she remembered something from earlier and passed a hand over her face with a groan.

“I called him ‘a little shit’ to his face.”

Steve chuckled. “I wouldn’t worry.”

“It’s not funny!” Darcy said, shoving his arm. “I can’t stop swearing around him, it’s fucking awful.”

“I like it, I like that you’re naughty,” Steve murmured, and Darcy sighed.

“Of course you do.”

Darcy glanced toward the side of the school where the teachers’ parking lot was. She gave a little shiver, looking back at Steve.

“Riley didn’t break her wrist, so -?”

“I heard Maria bein’ screamed at by Riley’s mom,” Steve muttered. “I know how that feels.”

“What?”

“Couple years back, Riley turned in a project worth a quarter of her grade,” Steve said, keeping his voice low as he watched the school’s entrance. His eyes swung back to Darcy’s. “I told her she needed to put more theory into the work. Granted, it was sixth grade pottery, not exactly high-brow stuff. But she had to write a report.”

“What did she do?” Darcy asked.

“Told me it was conceptual and when her mom found out the grade I gave her, she made a formal complaint,” Steve said. “Principal at the time was not happy. Felt like my eardrum could burst…”

“I’m sorry,” Darcy said, and Steve shrugged. “She was… a lot the other night.”

“If we’re gonna talk about this, you should at least be baking at the same time,” Steve said, leaning a little closer to her, a small smile forming. “Unless…?”

“I’ll meet you at your place,” Darcy said, feeling her stomach flip with the anticipation.

-

Darcy blasted Tears for Fears through her phone as she bustled around Steve’s kitchen. He was sitting on a stool at the bench, watching her with his elbow propped up.

“I love this song,” he murmured, and Darcy threw a bright smile his way.

“So why don’t you dance to it?”

“Because I don’t wanna responsible for that hate crime,” he retorted, and Darcy snorted.

She was reading the recipe, gathering the ingredients from the plastic bag she brought over. She sunk down to turn on the oven and adjusting the settings.

 _Walk Like A Man_ came on and Steve hung his head, laughing softly as Darcy began to sing along in falsetto, swinging her hips. She lifted her arms and flexed her biceps, giggling as Steve watched her messy performance.

She moved back to her work and cracked a couple eggs as she danced on the spot clumsily. Steve reached out to grab her by the wrist and she laughed into the kiss her gave her. The song faded to something newer and much faster but Darcy took no notice, as Steve poured himself into each kiss.

Darcy came up for air, Steve’s nose bumping her cheek as his hand stayed firmly in her hair.

“I hate to bring him up right now…”

“I asked Buck to come over,” Steve said. He still smiled at her slowly, his voice low and his eyes warm. “He’s okay, he’s just resting.”

“He was weird with me today.”

“Weird how?” Steve asked.

She finally pulled away, moving back to check the recipe on her phone. She measured out the baking powder and tapped her spoon against the mixing bowl as she shrugged.

“I dunno. Didn’t want to be kissed,” she murmured. “But… I didn’t think I did anything wrong.”

“It’s not you, sweetheart,” Steve murmured, and she looked at him, seeing his smile fading.

“He told me the other night, about touch aversion,” she went on. “I… should’ve listened then, I’m guessing. I thought maybe it was his mood changing.”

“No, he meant what he said,” Steve said, running a hand through his hair with a sigh. His eyes were watching her hands as she worked. “I’ve gone weeks sometimes not touchin’ him, ‘cause he can’t stand it. I can’t do anything to help but tell him he’s safe. And I keep my hands to myself.”

“And that other thing?” Darcy asked, picking up the wooden spoon to mix some more. “About him not getting enough of you?”

“Hypersexuality,” Steve said, and Darcy stopped completely, staring at him. “And it’s what it sounds like. He’s constant.”

“Okay,” Darcy murmured eventually, saying it on exhale.

“And then there’s the automatic obedience,” Steve added. His eyes fell back to her hands. “But that’s rarer. That’s when he shuts down, does whatever you tell him to do. I guess it’s like fawning.”

“What?” Darcy said.

“There’s flight, fight, freeze and fawn,” Steve said, putting up a finger for each one. “Fawning is usually going along with whatever the abuser says or does.”

They fell silent, the song playing through her phone like a distant voice in a fog.

“I am so selfish,” Darcy whispered. “Christ, I thought he was rejecting me and then I made it weird, and – Jesus, that’s just like me. That’s so childish –”

“No,” Steve said, reaching over to touch her hand. “No, no, no.”

Darcy passed her other hand over her face.

“Darce, you make him happy,” Steve whispered, and she looked at him again. “It’s a lot to take in, for anyone.”

“I’m not gonna leave him because it gets too hard,” Darcy said. “He thinks I’m gonna.”

“Yeah, he thinks that about everyone,” Steve murmured. “He thinks I miss the guy he was before he joined the Army, but… he’s the same guy. People change.”

Darcy finished making the batch of lemon squares and put them in the oven. Steve helped clean up, placing the dirty dishes in the machine. There was something comforting about the familiar scent of Steve mixing with the soapy water in the sink, and there was the aroma wafting up from the oven, a delightful richness.

“You’ll have to wait until tomorrow afternoon to eat any of ‘em,” Darcy murmured, watching Steve watch the oven.

“That sucks,” he murmured, smiling down at her.

Darcy slung her arms around his neck, standing up on tip-toe to kiss him lightly, smiling back at him.

“I can make you something else,” she said.

She made a mug cake, melting a candy bar in its centre so it was molten and exceptionally sweet, both of them taking spoonfuls as they sat on the stools together.

She watched him, reaching out to lay her hand on his thigh, Steve’s hands occupied with the mug and spoon, eating contentedly. He looked up, putting the spoon in his mouth and sucking.

“Thanks, for this,” he said, went he was finished and put aside the mug with the spoon clinking against the edge. “Spoilin’ me.”

“No, not spoiling,” Darcy murmured. “I like taking care of you.”

She rubbed his leg, her heart swelling.

“It’s what you deserve, since you take care of so many other people,” she added.

“Darce…”

He sounded like he was going to brush her off, but Darcy scooted her stool slightly closer, taking hold of his hands.

“Bucky told me you were the one who got him out of there,” she whispered. “When he was taken hostage overseas. I know you saved him.”

“I coulda been court-martialled,” he muttered.

“You did what you always do,” Darcy amended. “You did the right thing. You fought for him.”

She held his gaze, and he gave her his first shy smile in a while.

“It’s one of the reasons why I love you,” she said. “And I love you so much.”

She got up from her seat, taking the half a step to reach him. She leaned down to kiss him when the timer on her phone began to chirp incessantly and Darcy whipped her head toward the sound, remembering her baking. She stepped away and quickly grabbed an oven mitt Steve pointed to before ducking down to retrieve the lemon squares. She shut the oven and placed the tray on the stove, inspecting them.

“How’re they lookin’?” Steve murmured.

He was right behind her, hands wrapping around her middle.

“Good.”

“Okay, good.”

He lifted her up and Darcy laughed in surprise, her feet leaving the floor as he pulled her away from the stove and hitched her over one shoulder. Darcy kicked her legs and giggled as he walked them down the hallway to his bedroom.

He threw her down on the mattress and they both were laughing, hands going between them to unbutton his slacks and her trousers.

Everything still felt new, so Darcy felt her cheeks heat as she ducked down to take Steve in her mouth, his hand coming down on her shoulder and squeezing.

She was kneeling on the mattress as he stood over her, his eyes shutting for several seconds as Darcy took him to the back of her throat, gasping when she let him go, her eyes misting from the effort. It didn’t take long until he was grabbing her to pull her off, pushing her onto her back and moving between her open thighs.

He hovered above her, hands reaching down to tug her pants off completely, then her underwear in rapid succession, Darcy’s breath hitching when he felt between her legs with his eyes glued to hers.

Her heart felt like it was in her throat when he finally sunk into her, her hands coming up to grip him as tight as she could. He wrapped her thighs around him as he set a fast, hard pace.

Darcy was moaning and whimpering in between the pants they shared.

He sucked his fingers and trailed them down her front, pressing down on her clit as Darcy gasped, her back bowing.

“Fuck, fuck –”

She came with a little cry, going rigid as he groaned into her mouth, his hips picking up speed, and Darcy took it all.

After, lying in his arms, she stroked his cheek, his eyes watching her face, from top to bottom and back again.

“I love you,” he breathed.

It was like a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Kenny Rogers, I unironically adore Islands In The Stream and will physically fight people over it because it's one of my favorite songs of all time. I love love, okay
> 
> [Fiona Apple voice] Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies...
> 
> P.S. This fic was recently featured in the [I Ship It](https://www.ishipitpod.com/listen/they-were-still-quarantined) Podcast, which made my heart grow by ten sizes, and I love how she aptly describes my pen name as one of her faves and 'so gross'. Love you, Em_Jaye. I kiss your face. ❤
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	40. Part Forty: Proud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW for real this time, like... oh, my God... do not read this while homeschooling your kids, I'm begging you

_I feel so unstable, fucking hate these people_   
_How they're making me feel lately_   
_They're making me weird baby, lately_   
**\- "Gone" by Charli XCX and Christine and the Queens**

_But I tell myself that I was doin' all right_   
_There's nothin' left to do at night_   
_But go crazy on you_   
_Crazy on you_   
_Let me go crazy, crazy on you_   
**\- "Crazy On You" by Heart**

**Part Forty:**

**Proud**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Darcy did her best to keep out of the way when she arrived at Sacred Heart on the Tuesday morning, shivering as per usual.

She managed to avoid Annabeth and her friends that were planning to do their bake sale before school, slipping into the library to begin the routine of returning books and going through her emails. She had the literacy lesson with Steve as well, so it was easy to keep distracted, at least until Hope came in, out of breath.

“What’s up?”

“You better – it’s Tia Rothschild,” Hope said, gesturing toward the door.

Darcy’s heart sunk. She’d completely forgotten what Wanda told her last week – that Annabeth had removed Tia’s name from the volunteering parents list they’d put up for the bake sale. Darcy closed her eyes for a second, cursing inwardly.

“Can you hang around here?” she asked, and Hope nodded. She looked over at the two students that were standing in the aisles of shelves upstairs. “Thanks.”

She dashed out of the library, almost colliding with an eighth-grader as she turned down the corridor. She burst out of the front door, seeing a group of adults and students hanging around.

Tia was crowding Annabeth, a plate of pink sugar cookies in her hands, her face red. Annabeth’s arms were folded, looking the closest thing to smug Darcy had seen her in a while. Darcy managed to squeeze past a parent to reach Tia’s side, and Annabeth narrowed her eyes at her.

“What is it, _now_?” she snapped.

“What’s going on?” Darcy asked Tia, ignoring her.

“I wrote my name down for the bake sale, and she’s not letting me give my cookies to sell,” Tia mumbled. She looked embarrassed and close to tears, and Darcy’s eyes flitted to Annabeth.

“What’s the problem? She’s helping you out.”

“She wasn’t on the list,” Annabeth replied. Not a lie, technically, but she wasn’t saying how that had come to be. “Do we need to involve Miss Hill, Miss Lewis? She’s already got enough on her plate.”

Darcy went silent. Annabeth smirked.

“I haven’t done anything wrong!” Tia exploded, startling Darcy. Tia looked behind Annabeth at the group of mothers. “Why are you all so mean to me all the time?”

“Let it go, dear,” Annabeth said. She looked at Darcy. “Both of you. For everyone’s sakes.”

“Come on, Tia,” Darcy murmured, tugging her by one of the puffy sleeves of her pink jacket, and she managed to turn them toward the parking lot and they walked away.

Darcy could feel her rage slowly bubbling away beneath the surface but she reminded herself yet again that there were witnesses, parents, plenty of students… it wasn’t worth it, no matter how satisfying it would be to knock Annabeth off her ass.

Tia was crying by the time they reached her car, and Darcy fished out her car keys and opened the door for her to climb in, before she raced over to the passenger’s side to slip in beside her.

People were occasionally glancing their way but she ignored them, letting Tia sob quietly to herself, the plate of cookies between them.

Darcy took out her phone, noting the time but saying nothing. Tia sniffled.

“Go, go,” she said hoarsely. “You have to work…”

“No, I wanna make sure you’re okay,” Darcy murmured. Tia grimaced. “Hey, I mean it. Fuck those bitches.”

Tia let out a teary laugh, nodding. Her chin quivered.

“God, I know exactly what they think of me,” she whispered. “I know why they treat me like shit. I just wanted one of them to say it out loud for once.”

Darcy knew what she meant. She wished Annabeth and she would just hash it out properly, but then blood might be drawn, and then she’d definitely be fired.

“They think I’m a slut,” she went on. “But… but I love Bob.”

“You don’t have to explain it to me,” Darcy said, and Tia met her gaze, nodding. “And they’re jealous. They know you’re happy. How old are you?”

“Twenty-two,” Tia said. “And yeah, I was a slut back in Vegas…”

“Tia,” Darcy said, shaking her head.

“But Bob got something out of it, too… and I didn’t think he’d make me laugh so much. And then he showed me a picture of Teddy,” she said, smiling now. “And I know I’m barely old enough to be his mom, but he’s my kid, too.”

“When I first saw you, I saw love,” Darcy said, and Tia pressed her lips together, her throat bobbing. “Teddy’s so lucky to have you. And Bob. Fuck those bitches, Tia. Fuck them.”

Tia let out another teary laugh.

“And who cares if they think you’re a gold digger?” Darcy said. She shrugged. “Who _cares_? It’s not like Bob is in agony over how ugly his wife is, right?”

Tia wiped her eyes clumsily.

“Tell you what,” Darcy said, sitting up in her seat and pointing at the cookies. “Bring those back this afternoon for my bake sale. Bring Teddy over after the last bell.”

“That… would be okay?” Tia said, hesitantly.

“Of course,” Darcy said.

“You’re… like the coolest girl I’ve ever met,” Tia said, and Darcy snorted. “No, really…”

Darcy found that difficult to believe. She glanced over at the school, drawing in a breath.

“Come back at three-thirty, okay?”

“Okay,” Tia murmured, picking up her car keys. “Teddy’s got literacy with you today.”

“Yeah, it’s Tuesday,” Darcy whispered.

She opened the car door and stepped out, flashing a smile Tia’s way. She dug her hands in her pockets and walked back toward the school, past the crowd of people at the bake sale.

-

Riley didn’t show up. Wanda heard that her wrist was mildly sprained but she’d taken the day off, which only solidified Darcy’s opinion of Riley being a complete drama queen.

Wanda spoke out of the corner of her mouth as she relayed everything to Darcy, the play’s cast and crew setting up for the sale in front of the theatre around them.

“She wouldn’t stop screaming, and it got worse when her mom showed up yesterday.”

Darcy bit her lip to stop herself from smirking, and Wanda hit her arm lightly.

“I need to apologize to Tommy,” she added, and they watched him help tape a sign to the brick wall behind them. “I feel really bad.”

“He’s okay,” Darcy murmured back. “I think.”

He’d behaved like a model student that afternoon, on time for the first time ever, quietly complying to every instruction Wanda gave him.

“Hey, Tommy?” Wanda called, and he turned his head, frowning. “Can we talk for a sec?”

Darcy watched as Wanda touched his arm, steering him out of earshot, smiling to him when she spoke. She patted his shoulder and Darcy found herself smiling, glad at least that Wanda didn’t need convincing of anything.

Tia arrived with several other mothers, and soon the tables were full of food. Darcy clapped her hands and every student turned her way.

“Okay, I need David and – Tommy, you take the sign out front to direct parents to the theater. The rest of us will keep our best smiles on. Remember, we’re advertising the play!”

Wanda beamed at her, adding:

“Why are we advertising the play, everyone?”

“Because the arts matter!” chorused the cast and crew.

“Heck, yes!”

Soon enough there were a few long line forming for the bake sale and Darcy stood by, watching as the children served parents and students, as well as some teachers that came by.

Darcy turned her head slightly toward a two familiar figures coming around the corner.

“Mr Rogers!” yelled one of the serving girls, Erica. “Are you gonna buy something?”

Steve rubbed his hands together. “Teacher discount?”

Several kids booed at him, and Darcy joined in. Bucky ducked his head and laughed softly on Darcy’s other side. Darcy gave a thumbs-down to Steve.

“Make him pay _double_ , Erica,” Darcy called.

-

“Here’s to the entrepreneurs,” Clint declared, his beer lifted as he stood up. “Godspeed.”

Everyone at the table at O’Sullivan’s rose their drink for the toast, clinking their glasses together. Friday night, another week down. The bake sale only rose a couple hundred dollars but the good feelings had kept going for the rest of the week, and Darcy was so glad she managed to get through it all.

“Godspeed,” Darcy echoed, laughing. She threw back her shot with Wanda a second later, grabbing the lime wedge to shove into her mouth. “Fucking… _gasoline_.”

She sat between Wanda and Bucky, with Steve opposite her with Sam. They managed to coax Bruce into making an appearance, too, with Betty squeezed in between Maria and Laura Barton.

“So who’s dancing with me?” Wanda said, licking the lime juice from her lips and glancing around the table. “Laura?”

“Wife, wife – _wife!_ ” Clint called after them, and Darcy giggled at him.

“You yellin’ that to remind her she’s married?” Bucky said, and Clint shot him a look, sipping his beer.

“I dunno, my brain misfired or something.”

Clint got up to join them with Sam, leaving Steve, Bucky and Darcy their own end of the table. Maria was busy chatting with Bruce and Betty, not noticing the look Steve gave Darcy, his chin lifting at her before he slipped in the chair beside her.

Darcy gestured he move closer and she said into his ear:

“Bit presumptuous, Mr Rogers.”

“Is it?” he murmured, drawing back a little.

She wished someone would put their hand on her thigh. She could feel the need building inside her, the anticipation of the weekend ahead. She’d do anything she wanted. She’d been holding on to that all week.

That morning, she’d visited Bucky in his shed and did a double-take, seeing his bare face for the first time ever.

“You look like a baby,” she blurted, and he’d gone pink, smiling shyly.

She longed to reach out and trace his mouth with her fingers like she did earlier. She knew the tequila was making her cuddlier.

Wanda came over after the first song they danced to, draping herself over Darcy, kissing her cheek.

“Dance with me,” she whined, and Darcy smiled, petting her hair.

“Go,” Bucky murmured, and she glanced his way, lifting a brow.

“Come with…”

He shook his head. Wanda tried yanking her out of the chair, and Darcy ducked her head back down to whisper in Steve’s ear:

“Watch me.”

When she drew back, Steve’s eyes were darker, a smirk forming on his face as he tipped his beer back.

“No,” he murmured, pretending she’d asked him to dance.

Darcy made a show off pouting, letting Wanda drag her away.

A couple hours later, they were the last ones to leave, and like always they ordered Wanda a cab and put her in it. Darcy was glad she hadn’t kept up with her, since she was nearly falling over, but thankfully Wanda was always a blissful drunk.

When the cab was out of sight, Darcy finally spoke, looking up at them both:

“We going back to Buck’s?” she asked. “I haven’t seen Alpine in a little while.”

“Does he want to see you, though?” Bucky countered. There was a beat and he smiled down at her. “I’m just jealous, I can tell he wants to ask after you.”

“He just doesn’t speak English,” Darcy said, and he chuckled.

“Yeah.”

She looked at Steve, who’d rose a hand to squeeze the back of Bucky’s neck. He was watching him fondly, and Darcy found herself staring, missing their open affection with one another.

Steve drove her car back to Bucky’s apartment, and the three of them wandered up, Darcy’s stomach flipping with excitement.

Once they were inside, she dropped to the floor, and Alpine sidled up to her, rubbing her face with his, licking her cheek eagerly. She giggled, scooping him up to squeeze and kiss his warm, soft body. He purred loudly, loving the attention, and Bucky gave a sigh.

“Turncoat.”

“He loves me,” Darcy cooed. “He’s only a widdle _baby_ …”

They sat on the couch and Bucky got beers, Darcy between them as they drank, Alpine’s happy purrs filling the comfortable silence. At one point, he wriggled out of her grip to flop on the floor and roll around, and Darcy sat up a little, turning her head to look at Bucky.

She moved in to kiss him on the lips, slow at first, but then Bucky turned his head to the side to deepen it, and she gave a soft moan. She pulled back, eyes swinging to Steve’s, who’d been watching.

“It’s like… I’m not used to it,” she whispered, rubbing Bucky’s lower lip with a thumb. “Why’d you get rid of the beard?”

“You hate it,” Bucky said, and she shook her head.

“No, it’s just so different. I can feel everything, it’s like Steve –”

Bucky smirked. “I don’t kiss like Steve, too?”

“No, actually, you don’t,” Darcy murmured. “You don’t… you don’t fuck like him, either.”

Bucky’s eyes traveled over to Steve and Darcy felt a stir in her guts, seeing unbridled desire between them clear as day. She drew in a breath when Bucky grabbed Steve to pull him closer.

“How is it?” Bucky murmured, only just managing to get the question out before Steve kissed him on the mouth, all but devouring him, Darcy’s face growing hot at the sight.

She saw the pink of their tongues tangling together as Steve cupped Bucky’s jaw, pulling back slowly, with a peck on Bucky’s nose to finish it.

“Darce’s right, I can feel everything,” Steve murmured, his voice a low rumble.

“Can we go to bed?” she said, and both sets of eyes fell to her face. “Except –”

“Hmm?” Steve said, his hand gliding up her shoulder to reach the back of her neck, squeezing her.

“I haven’t seen you two,” she murmured. “I haven’t seen what you two are like together.”

Darcy took a deep breath, twisting to pick up her beer again and took a gulp, swallowing it down with her nerves.

“I want to watch you two together,” she said.

Steve and Bucky were dead silent, and Darcy’s heartbeat picked up, and for a second she thought she’d gone too far somehow. She thought of Bucky’s touch aversion, and perhaps it wasn’t appropriate, but so far he’d been fine from what she could discern…

“I’m – I mean, _if_ you’re okay with that,” she added, shutting her eyes for a second to gather herself.

Steve glanced at Bucky, and Darcy sensed a conversation happening in front of her that she couldn’t hear. They seemed to communicate with a single look between them.

“Okay,” Bucky said.

There was a beat, and he frowned, tilting his head.

“Do you like to watch men having sex?”

Darcy let out a surprised laugh, Steve chuckling as he passed a hand over his face.

“I – I guess so,” she said eventually. “I haven’t seen it up close before.”

“I’m teasin’,” Bucky murmured, and he was reaching for her, kissing her once on the lips. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just – come on…”

She managed to get up and walked out and down the hallway, hearing Steve and Bucky close behind her. She flipped on the light in Bucky’s bedroom and leaned against the wall on Bucky’s side of the bed. She waited, watching as Bucky took off his jacket, running a hand through his hair as Steve shut the door behind him.

“You’re not gonna cut your hair, too?” Darcy said, half-whining.

Bucky let out a breath of a laugh. “I dunno, sometimes it drives me nuts…”

“Don’t, please don’t,” Darcy whispered, and he smiled at her, eyes dropping to her bare feet for a second.

“I promise I won’t,” he murmured.

He glanced over at Steve, whose jacket was on the floor.

“C’mere,” Bucky said, and Steve smiled, moving toward him.

Together, they moved with a fluency. Darcy swallowed as Steve took hold of Bucky and kissed him hard, their hands moving over each other to tug off each other’s shirts.

Steve pushed Bucky back until he was under him on top of the blankets, their mouths slanting together as they kissed, one of Steve’s hands moving down to grab a handful of Bucky’s ass over his jeans, Bucky’s moan muffled against Steve’s lips.

Darcy balled her hands into fists at her sides, her stomach fluttering as Steve kissed Bucky breathless, sucking the air out of him as he grabbed and stroked, their legs tangling.

Steve moved back on his knees, Bucky panting under him as their eyes stayed locked, and Darcy felt that urge to duck and hide – she was intruding. She made herself stay rooted to the spot, her lip between her teeth as she refused to look away.

Steve unbuttoned his slacks and pulled out his cock, palming it as Bucky’s own hand snaked down to unbutton his jeans, lifting his hips to shuck everything down.

“You okay, Darce?” Steve murmured, not taking his eyes off Bucky, moving toward him with purpose.

“Yeah,” she breathed, stomach flipping. “Don’t stop.”

She watched Steve sink down, kissing Bucky’s bare chest and stomach, Bucky’s eyes fluttering shut when Steve took him in his mouth, cheeks hollowed out as he moaned into it.

“Fuck,” Darcy whispered, staring and staring at Steve work Bucky over with greedy sucks, Bucky’s hand gripping his broad shoulder.

Darcy was reminded of the first time Steve put his mouth on her, his enthusiasm second to none, rendering Bucky helpless as he put everything into it. Her eyes fell to Steve’s hand he’d snaked under his front, and she could see he was jerking himself lazily, warming up to the idea.

Steve pulled back with a pop, his hair mussed from Bucky’s other hand gripping him tight, and he smiled up at him, pulling him down for a rough kiss, ending it with Bucky’s lip between his teeth.

He was whispering something Darcy could only just make out, her eyes falling to one of Steve’s hands moving down, past Bucky’s wet, pink cock that twitched between them.

“Wanna feel ya…”

Bucky let out a sound Darcy had never heard him make before, a kind of broken moan, his eyes flying shut as Steve’s hand disappeared under his rear.

“ _Stevie_ …”

Steve kissed the side of Bucky’s mouth, his hand working back and forth, and Darcy could see Bucky’s face had flushed.

They were silent except for their panting, and the desperate sounds Bucky was starting to make, one of his arms wrapping around Steve’s shoulder, his fingers digging in.

“Stevie, please… _please_ …”

“I got you, sweetheart,” Steve whispered, nuzzling him. “I got you…”

Steve pulled away, and Bucky lay there, he and Darcy watching Steve move toward the bedside table, fishing out the bottle of lube Darcy knew resided there.

“Fucker,” she heard Bucky pant, a little dazed, and Steve flashed a smile.

He tugged off his slacks the rest of the way, his cock heavy in his palm as he jerked himself a couple times, taking a second to glance over at Darcy.

His eyes fell back down to Bucky as he slicked himself up, moving back between Bucky’s legs. He gave Bucky a slow, tender kiss, so intimate that Darcy felt her throat tighten at the sight of them, and then she heard Bucky suck in a breath, that broken moan falling from his lips again.

She watched as Steve inched his way inside. Seeing them as close as they could possibly be, they were undeniably beautiful together, seemingly endless muscles and skin moving together.

“You with me?” Steve whispered, and Bucky nodded, eyes squeezed shut as Steve began to pull back and push in, a slow grind.

“Fuck,” Bucky moaned, the word drawn out, and Steve gave a little chuckle, the sound strained.

She could see Bucky shivering with the feeling of being stretched, burning up with it, his skin turning a brighter pink, and Steve’s own face blotched with colour.

They both moaned, overlapping each other, but Bucky was more desperate, his fingers like claws in Steve’s back as Steve began to bear down, his hips gathering speed.

“ _Stevie_ …”

“So beautiful, fuckin’ lost in you,” Steve whispered. “You feel so fuckin’ good…”

Bucky’s chest was heaving, their kisses missing each other’s mouths, and then Bucky was being turned, Steve pulling out to push him on his stomach.

Steve’s hand brushed Bucky’s long hair out of his face, kissing his cheek.

“Wanna see you…”

He pushed Bucky’s knee up and Darcy watched as Steve took more lube, rubbing Bucky’s rear fondly before he rubbed between his cheeks again, tucking back inside with a hiss.

Darcy stared at Steve’s hips sitting against Bucky’s ass, her throat dry, her face burning with want. She didn’t know who she was more jealous of – Bucky, for how Steve was ripping the pleasure out of him, or Steve for how he was making Bucky feel.

Bucky looked drunk, mouth open as their flesh beat together.

His eyes swung to hers and Darcy held her breath, hearing him give a guttural moan, as if he’d only let himself see her there for the first time now.

“Oh, _God_ ,” he groaned.

Steve began to slam into him without reprieve, and Darcy sucked in a breath, wondering how on Earth she was going to _function_ after this…

Steve was growing louder, huffing his breaths, biting into Bucky’s scarred shoulder at one point, eyes squeezing shut.

“I’m coming –”

He tensed, shoving into Bucky as deep as possible with a groan, holding on for dear life, and Bucky went still with him, waiting for the all clear.

Steve turned Bucky’s head to kiss him, panting as he began to pull out. Bucky shivered, before turning over to grab Steve by the neck and kiss him hard.

When Bucky pulled back, Steve kept kissing his neck, looking blissed out. Darcy didn’t recall Bucky coming, and she looked down at his cock that still stood to attention.

“I’m gonna shower,” Steve murmured.

“Be right there,” Bucky said, eyes still on Darcy as Steve rose to walk out.

Left alone, the shower running in the background, Bucky’s chest was still rising and falling like he’d run a marathon. Darcy didn’t know what to say. It seemed to happen all so fast, her brain will still needed time to catch up.

“What’re you thinkin’,” Bucky murmured.

She realized that he seemed afraid, like seeing them together would change things beyond repair. Darcy pushed off of the wall, dropping to her knees in front of him, taking a hand in hers to kiss his knuckles.

“I love you,” she whispered. She looked up at him, his spare hand touching the side of her face. She glanced at the sweat that gathered on his hairline. “And I love this side of you.”

“The… queer side?” he murmured, and Darcy shook her head.

“I mean, yes, but I meant I love this side of you that’s free and expressive,” she said. “The part of you that’s proud.”

His eyes fell to her mouth, his hand gripping hers a little tighter.

“I didn’t know,” she said, before she could stop herself. “What it would be like.”

His lip quirked. “You mean, you didn’t know I liked getting fucked by Steve.”

“We have that in common, baby,” Darcy said, and they smiled at one another.

Something was blooming in her chest, and she wished words could properly articulate it. There was so much feeling inside her that Darcy didn’t know what to do with herself.

She bridged the gap between them and kissed him, melting into it when Bucky took control, his hands reaching for her to pull her up and into his lap.

“I’m gonna make a mess, I should throw somethin’ down,” he murmured, and he tugged his shirt from the floor and sat on top of it. “Occupational hazard.”

Darcy began to giggle and she didn’t stop, not until he managed to tug her tights down and reach between her thighs to feel that she was practically soaking.

She hissed, Bucky’s eyes widening at her slick.

“Fuck, you’re wet…”

“It’s not gonna take a lot,” she whispered, and then he was kissing her hard, their hands fumbling to get her clothes off.

She sunk onto him, feeling the air leave her lungs, tightening around him, already so desperate. With his arms wrapped around her waist and his face buried in her neck, Bucky began to rock up into her.

“’M so close already,” he warned, laughing a little. “Fuck, Darce… I can’t…”

He sucked his fingers, snaking them down between them to find her clit, rubbing her as Darcy rocked, his hair in her fist as she clenched, everything shrinking down to where they were joined…

“Please, please,” he whispered. “Come for me, come for me…”

She did, like a hard, rolling throb, and she cried out, seeing spots and shaking all over, slumping forward. It took one, two more pumps and Bucky followed her, his breath hot on her neck.

He held her to him as she floated back down, her ears ringing as his bedroom came back to her, and she pulled back enough to look down at him, sighing and smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to "Crazy On You" like five hundred times while writing this, also I need a lie down and a glass of absinthe or something
> 
> [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	41. Part Forty One: Fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy these things you'll read with a straight face in front of you iso-family.

_Dream of the perfect life_   
_This heaven gives me migraine_   
_The problem of leisure_   
_What to do for pleasure_   
**\- "Natural's Not In It" by Gang Of Four**

**Part Forty One:**

**Fuck**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Darcy’s hand reached out, taking a fistful of the bed sheet to anchor her, pushing back to meet each thrust of Bucky’s pistoning hips.

The blanket was lost, partway over the side of the mattress and spilling onto the floor. They’d kicked Alpine out some time ago, when Darcy was first scooped up from the couch and carried to the back of the apartment to Bucky’s room.

Steve had joked that they’d have to entertain themselves that afternoon while he was at a parent-teacher conference. Darcy knew it was code for ‘I’m jealous as fuck’, but he didn’t want to deter Darcy. She still was getting used to having more than one person’s needs to think about, and she knew she oftentimes still put other people first. It was just like her to want to nurture constantly, even if she wanted to be selfish and climb on top of someone.

She was currently _under_ Bucky, his hand lifting her hips and in turn gripping her ass, his other hand on her breast with her nipple between his fingers. She loved that he’d begun to grab her, to feel her and take what he wanted, which Steve had done all along. She wanted to know she belonged to him, not just his lover. She wanted to show him he had as much right to drive into her with abandon, if he felt like doing that. She appreciated his tender side, but the slightly rougher stuff wasn’t something she wanted him to keep in check anymore.

He slowed down, a smile forming on his face, open-mouthed with his eyes glued to hers as he took her in long, deep strokes. Darcy shifted, passing her hand down between them, playing with herself as she dug a heel into his ass to encourage him.

“Keep going,” she whispered. “Keep going…”

He slowed down, and she hissed, rubbing herself in a kind of frenzy, trying to chase her release. She could feel she was getting louder and shivering with it, desperate for the friction, feeling herself begin to tense and tremble with the effort.

She was sure she gasped some nonsense word and Bucky began to chuckle breathlessly, watching her fall apart, and he grunted as her cunt gripped him in earnest, her face burning from exertion. He crowded her, nose brushing hers as he hovered and smiled.

“You okay?” he whispered, and she moved her hand from under him to lift it above his ass and give him a good slap, and he snorted.

“You’re as bad as him,” she whispered, meaning Steve.

He always came out with some smartass thing to say, like ‘are you sure you’re okay’ when she’d gushed down his wrist the last weekend, and she’d screamed into the mattress.

“I’m like a new toy, you’re both too greedy…”

“Yeah?” Bucky whispered, and he kissed her without closing his eyes, a short press of his lips to hers. He swallowed. “You feel used?”

“Not… not enough, I guess,” Darcy whispered back, starting to giggle, and Bucky broke into another smile. “I don’t know if I’m for it or against it, being used…”

“I don’t want you pissed off either way,” he whispered, pulling back and stroking her hair. He nuzzled her nose and face, pressing kisses to her skin.

He made his way down her front, Darcy’s hands in his hair when he latched onto her nipple, the sensation going straight to her still-twitching cunt, and she sucked in a breath, closing her eyes as he moved still further down. It was still a lot to deal with, seeing either Steve or Bucky between her thighs, thumbing her open and lapping at her.

Bucky laved her with his tongue, sighing his hot breath against her, and she moaned, her hand deep in his hair, her other held by his.

“Shit,” she whispered, her face burning, as she tried to lay back and feel it all.

His licking turned to measured strokes over her clit and deep inside her, and she dared to look down, to see him staring back at her, watching her reactions. She closed her eyes again, feeling the vibrations of his chuckle more than hearing the sound as she melted some more on his face.

He moved up, latching onto her clit and suckling it with a deep breath, and Darcy’s grip on his scalp tightened, her thighs beginning to tremble once more.

He was thorough like Steve, but never hurried. He never did this like he was trying to make a point – Steve’s being always ‘I can hardly wait to fuck you’. She’d seen Steve eat Bucky out recently, and she knew it was universal. Steve liked to wreck people with his mouth. Bucky liked to pull her apart sweetly, with near-excruciating patience.

He lifted his head with a sigh, pushing his hair out of his wet face, hovering above her a second later with his mouth open, his tongue running along the cut of her. Darcy hissed, biting her lip when he sucked her clit into his mouth again.

“Bucky…”

“You still pissed off?”

_“Fuck…”_

“Must be so unfair,” he murmured, and he sunk two fingers into her past the second knuckle, licking her slowly, deliberately. “You must be _furious_.”

“Fuck me, you fucking tease,” she gasped, and he chuckled, sucking her a little harder in retaliation.

It felt fucking perfect, his fingers working her as his tongue was unyielding, and Darcy’s hips stuttered, her body crying out for the release.

“Bucky….”

Her vision was gone, she breathless and lost, so warm for such a cold day, and she had so little time to recover before Bucky pulled back and turned her over, his hand on her back to bend her at the waist.

He tucked back inside her and Darcy craned her head, her hair sticking to her sweaty face as her eyes fell to his mouth, watching his lip between his teeth as he began to buck hard and fast, with less precision, everything building and building again, Darcy’s toes curling…

His hands wrapped around her waist as his hips snapped, and Darcy began to cry out with each stroke, each smack of their bodies together.

She’d broken something down, he was finally giving into his want, driven by his need to reach his end, his hands slipping down, gripping her ass. He was huffing and losing momentum, and shoved into her as far as he could, falling forward, his chest hitting her back as he came.

Darcy went still, taking all that he gave, his chin brushing the back of her head as he panted raggedly, turning her head to give her a sloppy kiss.

“Fuck,” he panted, and he began to laugh.

Darcy smiled at him, circling her hips, backing into him as he lingered inside her. He kissed her again, sucking the breath out of her, until she was breaking away with a pant of her own, dizzy with it all.

“I’ll…”

His words were slurred and he gulped, moving to slip out of her. Darcy slumped forward and rolled onto her side, panting up at him. Bucky’s hands didn’t leave her, caressing her arms and sides, her thighs and hips…

He dove in for another kiss, with more heat than Darcy could handle, and she whimpered. His hands were on her thighs, pushing them apart, and he pushed inside her again, still hard.

Darcy made a little sound of surprise against his lips and he drew back, looking drunk.

“Please, please, please…” he whispered, and she nodded.

By the time he was finished with her, Darcy’s eyes were leaking with tears, feeling rubbed raw, her legs aching from tensing so much. She got up to pee and returned to Bucky’s side, and then he slumped across her, Darcy’s fingers stroking his hair.

She liked lying in their own filth. She gave a happy sigh when he sucked her nipple idly, rubbing it with his thumb and murmuring:

“I love you.”

She watched him sleep, until she heard her phone begin to buzz in the bundle of her jeans on the floor, and she peeled Bucky off of her to slip out from under him and retrieve it.

Her mom Rachel was calling. Darcy felt a nervous twist of her guts, because she knew she inevitably needed to speak to her again. She’d been avoiding it, since she started sleeping with both Bucky and Steve. She’d only given her mom the barest of details – she had friends she was spending a lot of time with, and she was a busy little library tech with extracurricular activities, like the play.

She didn’t know what she was meant to tell her. She didn’t want to lie, but telling the truth wouldn’t mean her mom being completely understanding of the situation, either. Rachel had the tendency to judge.

She answered it, pressing her phone to her ear as she turned around to look at Bucky, who was lying on his side, his butt on display, and she smirked.

“Hello?”

“Finally. You got time to speak to your mother?”

“Sure,” Darcy said, with a little sigh, sensing her mom was already in full-sass mode. It was no wonder she was the way she was.

She picked up her t-shirt and shoved it awkwardly over her head, one-handed, walking out into the hallway and into the kitchen as Rachel told her the latest about her cousins. Darcy was able to make the appropriate little hums in between sentences as she found a clean glass to fill with water.

Then Rachel went into the not-so subtle territory of Darcy’s dating life, as was always predicted.

“You have any plans for Valentine’s Day?” she asked, and Darcy swallowed her mouthful of water.

“Uh… it’s hard to say,” she said, which wasn’t a complete lie.

She had a long to-do list for the play, and there was always something she needed to chip away at with the literacy classes. She still needed to start decorating the library to advertise the play, and she’d been researching sewing techniques as she tried to figure out costumes still.

The play had mercifully been steadily cruising along, despite the rift between Riley and Tommy. Darcy had managed to keep herself out of trouble with Annabeth, too, avoiding the front office and staff room as much as possible.

“Six more weeks until the play opens,” she murmured, wiping her face and smelling herself and Bucky on her hand. She should probably shower after this conversation was over.

“Why not come over and we’ll have a girl’s night?” Rachel said, ignoring Darcy’s change of the subject. "Or we could do a spa day, unless…?”

She left the sentence hang there and Darcy let out a sigh.

“Unless what?”

“ _Unless_ you’ve got someone you’re seeing. Like whoever it was you ditched me for on Christmas,” Rachel said. “Is it really a boy or is it Wanda?”

Darcy snorted. She and Wanda had begun whining in unison ‘why does everyone think we’re _gay_ ’ whenever they did something cutesy of the tooth-rotting variety. The first time they said it was at O’Sullivan’s when Wanda wiped a bit of ketchup from Darcy’s chin before she sucked her thumb, and Sam tilted his head at them with a smirk on his face.

“I’ll be busy, Mom,” Darcy muttered, not replying, thinking it was better to let her mom think whatever she was already thinking than bother explaining Christmas any more. “But it’s a nice offer.”

There was a pause and she said a little more forcefully:

“Mom, I’m fine.”

“Alright,” Rachel said with a sigh. “I just don’t want you wallowing in this crap with Ian and that Amy.”

Darcy snorted. “I’m hardly inconsolable. As far as Amy’s concerned, she can _have_ him --”

She heard the front door open and shut, and she winced, hoping –

“What’s that?” Rachel asked, and Darcy tried to think of a decent lie as Steve walked into the kitchen, his eyes falling to Darcy’s naked lower half.

She’d forgotten she hadn’t put on underwear, and felt her face flush, and Steve smiled at her, moving toward her.

“Uh, nothing – just my neighbor. Walls are thin as paper here, you’ll have to come by some time to see for yourself.”

Rachel didn’t sound entirely convinced.

“Okay.”

Steve managed to pin her to the edge of the bench and Darcy bit her lip, his mouth at her throat. He was already pulling off his sweater.

“Uh-huh,” Darcy said. “I should go, Mom. I’ve got a hem to… hem.”

“Alright –”

Darcy fumbled her phone and hung up without another word, pushing aside all concern for the outside world as Steve’s mouth sealed over her cunt, his appreciative groan blending with her wanton moan.

He pulled back, eyes bright.

“Sloppy seconds for me?”

“That’s what happens when you be a good teacher and stay after – _school!_ ”

Darcy went light and breathy at the end as he flicked her clit with his tongue, three fingers deep inside her. Her legs were like jelly again and she gripped the back of Steve’s head to keep her balance.

“Fuck, I can’t…”

“You weren’t wearin’ any pants, you can hardly blame a guy for wantin’ a taste.”

“ _Fuck,”_ she gasped, and she came with a wail, slamming her eyes shut.

Steve groaned, licking it all up, kissing her abused clit, kissing her mound and pubic hair. He stood up, sliding Darcy onto her back to spread her out as he pulled off the rest of his clothes, Darcy’s hands reaching for him.

They made her needy. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

Steve pushed inside her, one of Darcy’s legs on his shoulder as he crowded her, Darcy’s arms wrapping around him. It was all rough kisses and the push and pull of their bodies, and Darcy was dissolving with it all, knowing it wasn’t enough, it would never be enough…

She knew she was delirious with want, with being this wanted, Steve filling her to the hilt, the wet slam of him with the hard bench beneath her.

“You smell o’ him,” he panted, and they laughed together, Darcy’s body tightening with the swipe of his thumb on her clit. “Fuck, you’re gonna smell o’ me, too, sweetheart –”

He seemed to fight it, but Darcy held his face in her hands, chasing his lips, sucking his tongue, wanting to make him lose control like Bucky had before.

He whimpered, face screwing up as he fucked hard and fast, Darcy’s heart in her throat, everything turning to a pinpoint between her legs –

“Fuck,” he grunted, as she came with a broken cry, squeezing him as tight as she could.

He came, shoving her, the air pressed out of her lungs, and she went limp.

In the afterglow, he stroked her face, eyes heavy-lidded, and Darcy’s heart was still racing, her limbs useless.

“Love you,” he whispered, kissing her slow, holding her jaw. “Love you so much…”

“Hmm…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	42. Part Forty Two: Concord

_You know there'll never be a lonely day, if it's you and I_  
_It's taking everything to realize, it's just human nature_  
**\- "You & I" by Kita Alexander**

_My baby don't care for shows_  
_My baby don't care for clothes_  
_My baby just cares for me_  
**\- "My Baby Just Cares for Me" by Nina Simone**

**Part Forty Two:**

**Concord**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

Valentine’s Day began like most school days. Cold and exhausted, Darcy would drag herself from her bed to the bathroom way too early after spending most of her night at either Bucky’s or Steve’s apartment.

She’d make do with what little energy she had to get ready, drink a lot of coffee in the meantime, and then get herself to school to open the library and get through the morning routine.

Valentine’s Day was on a Wednesday, and she’d managed to avoid the holiday for all of ninety minutes of her morning, because as usual Clint arrived at the same time as her, his kids racing off as he lagged behind, rubbing his eyes and grumbling to himself and whoever else would listen.

“Darcy,” he said, lifting a hand, and she copied him, sipping from her travel mug.

“Hey,” she replied.

On their way in, one of his kids handed her a chocolate wordlessly and she didn’t have a chance to acknowledge it. They were gone by the time she realized what had happened, and she was holding the back door open for Clint, who was carrying a few orange cones under one arm.

“Tell them thanks,” she said, holding up the little chocolate heart wrapped in red foil. “You got plans?”

“Every year I tend to disappoint Laura more and more,” Clint replied with a wry smirk. “It’s a Wednesday, anyway. Worst time to go out on a date. It’s not called Hump Day for fun reasons…”

Darcy snorted, falling into step with him. Sam was coming from the other direction and nearly bumped into them.

“Hey, Happy Valentine’s –”

“Don’t,” Clint cut in, shaking his head.

Sam’s eyebrows skyrocketed and he glanced Darcy’s way, turning his heel to walk with them.

“What’s up with him?”

“His marriage is over,” Darcy said. “He’s enlisting me for advice –”

“My marriage is doing just fine, little lady,” Clint retorted, putting up a hand. “How’s single life?”

Darcy supposed it was his attempt at a jibe but she smirked, sipping more coffee.

“Oh, so much free time on weekends, all the disposable income. I get to poop alone –”

Sam snorted, and Clint frowned at her.

“I told you that in _confidence_ –”

“I didn’t _ask_ to hear about your bathroom sit-down visits, Coach!” Darcy exclaimed.

They turned the corner and Steve was standing in the corridor, reading something he most likely Xeroxed moments ago, the fresh ink scent pungent, and Darcy stopped at his side, touching the paper with her icy hand.

“Ah, that’s warm…”

“Happy Valentines –” Sam began, and Clint shot him a look. “Never mind. Happy Wednesday.”

Clint walked on, shaking his head. Sam stayed behind.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he said, smiling at them. “I take chocolate or checks.”

“Noted,” Steve replied, and he glanced at Darcy. “Morning, Miss Lewis.”

Darcy smirked at him. He’d tried convincing her yesterday to stay overnight, which she maintained was not going to happen during a working week. He argued that no-one had to know if she left clothes at his or Bucky’s place, which was when Darcy changed the subject by cutting him off with a kiss, grabbing her bag and car keys to leave.

“Morning,” she replied, folding her arms. She rose an eyebrow at Sam. “Is it higher stakes now that Kelly’s your betrothed? How’s the planning coming along, anyway?”

“I got to taste-test cakes,” Sam said, shrugging. “The rest sort of… goes over my head. I’m learning I don’t see a lot of the shades Kelly sees. Y’know, off-white, cream, white…”

“Huh,” Darcy said. “What was the best cake?”

“Not telling,” Sam replied, flashing a smile. “You’ll have to wait for the wedding.”

He and Kelly had tentatively set the date as July 5th.

“I ate a nice lemon one at a cousin’s,” Darcy said. “Similar ballpark?”

“Not the fruit variety,” Sam said, narrowing his eyes. “No more clues, though…”

Steve chuckled as Darcy dropped her voice conspiratorially:

“Funfetti, then?”

“Darcy –”

“Alright, alright,” she murmured, and Sam pointedly turned to Steve.

“You got anything planned for Valentine’s?”

Steve frowned, shrugging. “Uh, working? I’m up to my ears in seventh grade papers –”

“Alright, forget I asked,” Sam said, looking at Darcy again. “Lewis, you got a date?”

“Why, is Kelly offering?” Darcy said with a smirk.

“Forget I asked, again,” he said, and he stepped back, turning to walk the way they came. “I was going back to my car to get chocolates for my kids. I like to hide ‘em in their desks before they get to school…”

He left them alone and Darcy turned to Steve, reaching out to touch his shirt, tugging it a little out from where he’d tucked it into his slacks.

“Quit it…”

Steve took hold of her wrist without looking down, deliberately ignoring her as he re-read something on his papers, and Darcy craned her head to see.

“No, it’s not library-related…”

“Is this you getting back at me for not staying over?” Darcy whispered, and he finally glanced up.

“Got no idea what you mean, honey,” he replied, and Darcy tilted her head, pouting a little.

“Are you serious? You’re mad because I want to be responsible?” she whispered. “I can’t start staying over at your apartment…”

“Right, because it’s so much easier to drive yourself home at midnight, then drag yourself up to your apartment to get up six hours later?”

“ _My apartment_ is closer to Sacred Heart than _yours_!” Darcy hissed, and he smirked at her. “What?”

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he said, and she shut her mouth, blinking at him.

She ducked her eyes. “Yeah, alright, Happy Valentine’s Day…”

She turned to make her way toward the library, draining the rest of her coffee. She glanced at him at the last second, as she reached for the door handle.

“I love you,” she whispered, still grumpy, and Steve smiled at her.

“ _I love, you, too_ ,” he mouthed. 

For most of the day, she didn’t have to ponder her dating life. She supposed it was nicer to have a secret relationship – two secret relationships – than none, but it didn’t stop the air of pity that attempted to engulf her from a few sides of her life. Wanda gave her a big hug, telling her men were overrated, which only made them chorus ‘why do people think we’re gay’.

“Kind of a convenient stance to have, when you’ve got Jarvis,” Darcy muttered, crossing her arms.

She left out the part that he was a certifiable catch. Jane also reached out with a text about Thor and how she wasn’t seeing him for a little while because of work. Valentine’s Day was never something she cared too much about when she had Ian, anyway.

It was easier to not expect much from him over the years. Admitting this to Wanda at lunch made her feel a little flat. She’d spent so long with him, semi-disappointed, without really admitting it to herself. Her love life used to make her think ‘this will have to do’. She didn’t have to wonder what he’d done with Amy. She snuck onto her Instagram with Wanda, seeing Amy’s desk was covered with flowers and a massive white teddy bear clutching a satin heart that read ‘I Wuv You’.

“She’s rewarding illiteracy,” she muttered to Wanda, who’d motioned jerking off when Darcy showed her the photo.

-

Rachel called her in the afternoon while Steve and Darcy were meant to be planning, and she shot him an apologetic look as she took the call, deciding to cut off her mom as fast as possible instead of having to deal with her trying to reach her for the rest of the day.

“Mom, I’m in the middle of something,” she hissed into her phone. She was already beginning to pace.

“Good, so that means you’re not being whisked away by someone for a Valentine lunch date.”

“Mom,” Darcy groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “It’s a literacy lesson I’m planning. Steve’s with me.”

Steve was watching her with raised brows, his lips pressed together, and his gaze ducked to his notepad and he wrote something down with biro as Rachel launched into a long speech about work-life balance that Darcy didn’t pay attention to.

He turned the pad around.

_Hang up._

He underlined it when Darcy shook her head, waving him off. He tapped it with his pen.

“Mom, please. I am fine. I don’t miss Ian. I don’t care about Valentine’s Day. It’s all bullshit Hallmark crap anyway. This time tomorrow, I’ll be buying the discount chocolate and it’ll be one day closer to death, thank God…”

“Darcy, that is very, very morbid and I hope this Steve understands you’re being sarcastic –”

Darcy glanced at Steve. “He has some idea. Though I honestly don’t know how much more of this school I can take, since each week requires exactly one metric fuck-ton of patience and sheer willpower.”

“Very droll,” Rachel replied. “Can you come this weekend, still?”

“I never agreed to that,” Darcy retorted.

“Darcy,” Steve murmured, and she glared at him. He shrugged. “What?”

“I have to go. I’m not coming this weekend. I have shit to do,” she said into the phone. “I’d appreciate it if you took me seriously for once, Mom.”

Rachel sounded hurt. “It’s not worth whichever _boy_ you’re choosing over me –”

“Make up your mind!” Darcy snapped. She was sick of taking it from all sides. “It’s either me pining over Ian or it’s a stupid boy, but you can’t act you’re number one. I’m not coming to Rochester anytime soon.”

“I’m saying that if I haven’t met him, most likely he’s not exactly stellar, Darcy Lewis,” Rachel retorted. “You should trust your mother’s opinions about men.”

“Why?” Darcy snapped. “You married my father.”

She hung up then, and for a whole two seconds, she felt nothing. And then immense guilt took over and she covered her eyes with her hand.

“Oh, God…”

She looked down at her phone, and then her eyes met Steve’s. His lips were parted in shock.

“I went a little overboard, didn’t I?” Darcy whispered, and she grimaced.

Steve nodded, holding up his thumb and forefinger less than an inch apart.

“Yeah, lil’ bit…”

“Oh, God,” Darcy said again, and she slid back into her seat, groaning.

A minute of silence passed and she took a deep breath, picking up her papers to read back over her notes. She looked at Steve, who’d stopped working.

“You… really hate Valentine’s Day?” he asked.

“Hate’s a strong word,” she murmured. “It’s, uh, not my favorite.”

She went on to explain her last Valentine’s Day with Ian and how he was already sleeping with Amy at that point, so he’d phoned it in with the pizza he got, plus the _Jurassic Park_ DVD he’d unearthed. They’d only got halfway through the movie before he’d passed out, and Darcy hadn’t made much effort, either.

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t even offer a… pity hand job,” she murmured, and Steve ducked his head, snorting.

“There’s no obligation, in case you’re wonderin’,” he replied, and Darcy felt her lips quirk. “But I had an idea for this weekend –”

“Why, why can’t we just stay home in bed like always?” she asked, and his shoulders slumped a little and Darcy groaned. “Sorry, go ahead…”

“I thought maybe we’d drive on the Friday, straight after rehearsals. To Concord.”

Darcy blinked at him, the pieces not fitting into place.

Steve blinked back at her.

“I thought it would have more of an impact – I mean, it’s where the Orchard House is. Louisa May Alcott’s house -”

“OH!” Darcy yelled, eyes widening, and Steve covered one ear with his hand. “Right. Sorry, I know I’m meant to use my indoor voice…”

“I’m surprised you didn’t know it,” Steve said. “I spent a good two hours doing research.”

Darcy smirked. “Uh, as well-read as I am, I’m extremely uncultured. I’m about as cultured as fried chicken in buckets.”

-

It wasn’t a lot of warning, having two days to prepare for a weekend getaway, but Darcy supposed the ideas Steve had tended to work out – except the time he kissed Bucky in the library and they had their first big fight in December… but she knew this was different.

He’d booked a bed and breakfast. He managed to cajole Bucky into it, though Darcy sensed he was still reluctant to leave bed to be in public.

Darcy knew it had something to do with her complaining about Ian that pushed Steve further into this task of bringing them together, to go away together, as their little unit.

She packed a bag and stuffed it under her car seat, hoping to go straight to Bucky’s where they’d take the truck to Concord. It was more than three hours’ drive, and usually, Darcy would dread that. If she was completely honest, Steve and Bucky made everything she used to hate so much more tolerable, road trips included.

She said goodbye to Wanda, told her she was going to drive to see her mother. Wanda was already planning to spend her weekend in Manhattan with Jarvis, and Darcy’s lie came smoothly. She felt a wave of guilt, when she saw the concern on her friend’s face for her.

“I’ll be fine,” Darcy said truthfully. She was going to have a great time, she just couldn’t tell anyone else about it. “I promise.”

“Okay, I love you,” Wanda whispered, and she hugged her tight.

She waved her goodbye and walked over to her car. Darcy lingered by her car, looking around for any other teachers. Bucky and Steve appeared a minute later, and Darcy’s stomach flipped. Bucky smiled at her, having not seen her all day.

Darcy looked behind them at the school’s entrance, and there was no-one around, but she felt paranoid. She’d been checking her cameras in her car every night just the same, and there hadn’t been anyone hanging around recently.

“So, we’ll go back to Buck’s, then take Buck’s -?” Steve asked, and Darcy nodded, smiling up at him.

“Yeah, meet you there,” she whispered.

Bucky kissed her, and she smiled into it. She turned to Steve a second later, his kiss a little deeper, his hand clutching her jaw.

“Alright, Mr Rogers, you made your point,” she murmured when they broke apart, his eyes bright.

“You look real cute when you’re excited…”

They separated and Darcy slipped into her car. It was another twenty minutes later that she sat in the front seat, Steve driving the truck as Bucky was in the backseat, reading.

“It’s his super power,” Steve said, looking at Bucky in the rear view mirror. “He never gets car sick.”

Bucky flipped him off without looking up, and Steve smirked, his eyes sliding back to the traffic. Darcy chuckled, watching the side of Steve’s face.

“What’s your super power, then?” she murmured.

“Cut it out,” Bucky called, before Steve could answer.

“Excuse me?” Darcy said, shifting in her seat to look around her chair, her eyes meeting Bucky’s. “You got something to say, baby?”

“No, I do not. I’m tryin’ not to regret taking the backseat,” he muttered. His eyes went to the back of Steve’s head. “Keep drivin’.”

Darcy snorted, and then reached over to take Bucky’s hand and squeezed it. He softened instantly, leaning forward to cup her cheek and kiss her.

“Unbelievable,” Darcy heard Steve mutter. “He’s full o’ shit…”

Bucky licked into her mouth and Darcy moaned, his hands on either side of her face, kissing her deeper. Darcy found herself not caring, wanting to encourage them both to behave badly. She had the whole weekend with them, to do whatever they wanted, including fight over her if it came to it.

Bucky pulled back, his eyes darker.

“Are we gonna turn her inside out, Stevie?” he murmured, and Darcy let out a little whimper, her fingers curling in Bucky’s jacket. “When we go to bed later?”

“Fuck that, pull me into the backseat now,” Darcy whispered, and Bucky’s mouth pulled into a smile, his eyes on her mouth. “Do it.”

“She’s outta control,” Bucky murmured.

Steve’s hand gripped her thigh and Darcy’s hand reached around blindly to grab his hand.

Bucky kissed her again, and Darcy wanted them now, she could bypass all her stress this way. Bucky pulled back, and Darcy tried to chase his mouth, but he moved back into his seat, out of reach. Darcy frowned, then looked at Steve.

“You’re gonna cause a car accident,” he said, not taking his eyes off the road.

Darcy settled in her seat, her heart hammering.

-

They had burgers when they reached Concord at a restaurant in an old Colonial before they checked in at the little bed and breakfast Steve had booked.

The front entrance was covered in American flags and little historically-themed trinkets. Steve approached the front desk as Bucky lagged behind outside, and Darcy looked around the walls of photographs and commemorative decorations. The old couple wearing historical clothing behind the desk lit up as Steve greeted them.

“Hello, there.”

“Hi, we’ve got a booking under Rogers?” Steve said, and Darcy spun around, wondering how he’d decided the arrangement would sound to outsiders.

“Oh, you the brother and sister from Nassau County?” said the husband, pushing back his glasses.

“Yes!” Darcy said, grinning at them, before Steve could say anything.

“I see the family resemblance,” the wife replied, pointing from Steve to Darcy. “That’s wonderful that you’re close at your age.”

“Yes, it is,” Darcy said, thoroughly enjoying herself and nodding.

The husband glanced out the window at Bucky, who was kicking a stray leaf with his boot.

“My husband,” Darcy said, placing her right hand on her chest.

“Oh. Very sweet,” the wife said.

Steve signed some papers and handed over a credit card, as the husband was picking out keys and handed them to Darcy over the counter.

“That’s the two bedroom. Breakfast’s at six until nine,” he said, and Darcy nodded gratefully. “They have walking tours most hours…”

“We’re probably gonna do our own thing, right… sis?” Steve said, and Darcy glanced at him.

“Sure,” she said with a smile, looking at the couple again.

They left the house to fetch Bucky with instructions for finding their little cabin, Steve stalking ahead to the car to get their bags, Bucky glancing between them and tilting his head.

“What happened?”

“I may have implied Steve was my brother,” Darcy said, and Steve’s head whipped around.

“Implied?”

“It’s hard to say,” she said, smiling. She looked at Bucky. “Also, we’re married.”

“Oh, naturally,” he muttered, and he smirked at Steve, who was shaking his head and walking on.

Their cabin was small and chilly, with two double-beds. The beds were a lot smaller than what Darcy was used to sharing with them, and she wondered how she was meant to deal with being that cramped. There was a piano squeezed into a corner of the second bedroom in front of the window.

Steve glanced over his shoulder at her, throwing a bag on one of the beds as she wondered aloud.

“You can have a whole bed to yourself, _sis_.”

“You _really_ upset about that?” she said, moving toward him, lifting her hands to either side of his face. He avoided her gaze. “I thought it was funny.”

“How do we look alike?” he muttered. He looked over at Bucky, who was digging through the cabinets. “You two look more related than me and you.”

“Is that a kink, or somethin’?” Bucky teased, winking at them.

Darcy suspected he liked pretending to be the husband between the two bickering siblings.

“Maybe you’re _both_ our lover,” Darcy said, which was true. “And it’s a marriage of convenience. Keeps our parents happy that I’m married, but we all still hang out together.”

Steve and Bucky exchanged a glance, since Darcy was on a roll. She grinned, shrugging.

“But eventually, people start to grow suspicious, and then it comes out, that Steve and I share you.”

“You’re sick,” Bucky said with a chuckle.

“Still don’t appreciate the narrative,” Steve muttered, and Darcy brushed a thumb over his cheek.

She rose on tip-toe to kiss him, and his lips pulled into a smirk, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“I could call you _Daddy_ –”

“No, don’t,” he whispered, and his hand slipped down to grip her ass. “I know what you’re doin’, sweetheart, you’re tryin’ to push me to see what happens.”

“Whatever do you mean?” she whispered, and she sucked his lower lip once, pulling it a little.

He hissed, eyes snapping to Bucky, who was moving in behind Darcy, ducking his head to kiss her neck.

-

Things progressed to the point where she was all-fours with Steve behind her, Darcy half-sobbing as he drove into her with her hands wrapped around Bucky’s shaft, her head between his thighs.

-

They slept past breakfast, but Darcy managed to grab some coffee on their way through, thanking the old married couple when they asked her how well she slept.

“Perfect, just perfect,” she murmured. “We’re seeing the March house today.”

The Orchard House was one of many literary hot spots to choose from, but it was the one Darcy wanted to see the most because she knew Steve was excited for it, too, perhaps even more than her. Darcy found herself watching him take it all in, smiling at his curiosity.

He caught her more than once staring and she gripped his hand, smiling up at him.

“I like seeing you have fun,” she whispered.

Bucky was standing in front of the portrait of Louisa May Alcott and Darcy reached his side, taking her in. She glanced at Bucky’s face, trying to read his expression.

“She’s thirty-seven there,” Steve said, coming up on Darcy’s other side.

“Jesus,” Bucky muttered.

“She had typhus,” Steve went on. “And pneumonia. They treated it with mercury. They thought it was the disease leaving the body, plus your teeth and hair and whatever else…”

“ _Jesus_ ,” Bucky said again, emphatically. 

Another visitor frowned at them and Bucky shut his mouth, eyes swinging to Darcy’s.

“You seen Amos’ desk, yet?” Darcy asked Steve, who shook his head.

The three of them walked in together, and Darcy wished the fireplace behind the desk was in operation, since she’d been shivering on and off during their visit. She rubbed her hands together, peering at the mantelpiece where a quote lay in sloping text:

_The hills are reared, the seas are scooped in vain_

_If learning's altar vanish from the plain_

She stepped back, looking at Steve reading the words.

“I think it means learnin’ is forever,” Bucky said quietly, running his hand through his hair. He looked away, at the desk with two apples in a dish on one side. “It was his philosophy, right?”

“Yeah,” Darcy breathed. “Never stop learning. You’re never too young or old to learn.”

She couldn’t shake the feeling that came over her then, especially after Steve murmured quietly at the only picture of Louisa’s sister Elizabeth:

“She died before they moved in here.”

She felt overwhelmed, staring at the life outside when they left the Orchard House. She stood alone in the grass, fiddling with her scarf.

“You okay?” Bucky asked, and she glanced his way, still so distracted.

“Oh. Yeah. I’m just…”

She felt the urge to cry. It was Steve’s idea to come there, to this magical, idyllic place, full of love and life and knowledge. Darcy was sure she’d never come here with Ian, or any other boyfriend she’d had previously.

He and Bucky knew her that well, that this stuff meant the world to her. She swallowed, nodding and forcing a smile.

Bucky pulled her into a hug, tucking her under his arms.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” she breathed. She cleared her throat. “Uh, could we get ice cream or something?”

It was 56 degrees last time she checked, which was probably why Bucky chuckled, Steve giving her a little smile when he reached her side. She took Steve’s hand and squeezed it, looking from one man to the other.

“I love you both so much, you know that, right?” she said, and Bucky nodded, pressing a kiss to her brow as Steve squeezed her hand back, nodding.

“Yeah. Love you to bits, sweetheart,” Steve murmured.

After they spent the afternoon in the Sleepy Hollow cemetery, and after they had dinner and drank beer at a little bar on a main street, they took her back to the cabin, their hands never leaving her.

It was certain if anyone saw the three of them together that day they’d see they were close. So close it was hard to determine exactly what they were, but Darcy didn’t care. No-one knew them in this town, this far away from home. She kissed both of them in a little bookstore, soft little presses to their faces as they decided on a book each. Bucky chose fantasy, while Steve got a biography, and Darcy chose Emerson’s poems.

She only argued a little when Steve put his card in her hand to pay for it.

“Present. From me,” he murmured. He tilted his head in Bucky’s direction. “And Buck.”

“Okay,” Darcy replied, her stomach all fluttery and warm.

As they left the store, Bucky’s arm around her shoulders, Steve said:

“Maybe as a treat, you can play us somethin’ on the piano.”

So that was how she managed to get sat in front of it, sighing as she thought about what to play. Something jokey like chopsticks wouldn’t satisfy Steve, especially not after she told him several months ago that she used to play as a kid.

Over time, he’d managed to wheedle more out of her, that she’d played well into her teens, and she recalled Bucky hearing about her piano skills, probably when he was in the theater cleaning something while Wanda was present.

“Play what I heard,” Bucky murmured, sitting on the mattress behind her, leaning back on the pillows, while Steve leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, standing to the left of the piano.

It was Nina Simone’s _My Baby Just Cares for Me_ , but with no singing, and only the first half. Darcy thought of Christmas and Chopin and hoped they didn’t expect some kind of concerto.

“I dunno,” she murmured, playing a couple idle notes. “Okay.”

She begun the opening notes, but stopped after a few seconds and sighed.

“I don’t…”

She didn’t want to be a wet blanket and ruin the day, because this Saturday had been spectacular. She bit her lip, picking up her glass of water she had resting and sipped it.

“Play somethin’ you wanna play,” Steve said, and she glanced up at him. “You’re great.”

“You haven’t heard me play,” she replied, putting her water back. She went back into the song. “I’m not that good, not by professional standards –”

“I thought you were a library tech, not a pianist,” Steve retorted, and Darcy shot him a look. “See, you ain’t even lookin’, you’re great.”

“It’s muscle memory,” she said, shaking her head.

She knew she was downplaying her abilities, and having people point out her ridiculousness made her self-conscious. She stopped abruptly once more, sighing.

“Alright. But if I sing, too, I have to be goofy. I can’t be serious when I sing, it doesn’t work.”

“Alright,” Steve echoed.

She turned her face away, closing her eyes. She took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before letting it go.

“Okay.”

She began to play, remembering the time she’d began to learn this song, and how she’d played it in middle school for her friend to sing to. Her friend couldn’t really hold a tune, but Darcy knew the song back to front.

She heard Steve let out a soft breath of a laugh, and she knew he’d recognized it. She didn’t dare turn her head to look to see if Bucky had caught on either. She was afraid she’d lose her nerve and cause a fuss.

_Look at the stars_

_Look how they shine for you_

_And everything you do_

_Yeah they were all yellow_

She cleared her throat, her mouth feeling dry. The song fitted so well. She found she wasn’t being silly, but keeping herself measured, though she knew her singing wasn’t anything to phone home about, either.

_I came along_

_I wrote a song for you_

_And all the things you do_

_And it was called "Yellow"_

She could feel her face was flushing from being self-conscious.

_So then I took my turn_

_Oh what a thing to have done_

_And it was all yellow_

She felt herself smile, and she looked over at Bucky, who was staring at her hands, his eyes meeting hers.

_Your skin_

_Oh yeah, your skin and bones_

_Turn into something beautiful_

_You know, you know I love you so_

_You know I love you so_

Her eyes had traveled to Steve as she kept going. The original song had more body to it, with percussion and backup vocals, so a lot of it rode on Darcy’s own voice, but she stuck to it, her eyes eventually closing as she sang all the way through.

_Your skin_

_Oh yeah your skin and bones_

_Turn into something beautiful_

_And you know_

_For you I'd bleed myself dry_

_For you I'd bleed myself dry_

She knew their love was unconventional. She knew she was still trying to figure it out, what it meant to share, to be selfish sometimes. What she was certain of was how she felt about them, and even then, sometimes the words didn’t feel like enough. Sometimes, it felt like a sensation.

_Look at the stars_

_Look how they shine for you_

_And all the things that you do_

She played herself out, keeping her eyes on the keys, and sat back when it was over, looking at Bucky. She saw he was turned to Steve, whose hand was covering his face.

“Oh. Oh, Steve –” she whispered, and she was up from her seat, reaching for him, because she realized he was crying. “Was it really that bad?”

“Yeah, yeah, it was,” he mumbled, and he sucked in a breath, his eyes squeezed shut.

Darcy folded her arms around him, Bucky coming up to envelop her between them, and she was held by both of them as Steve wept quietly, her own eyes stinging with emotion.

“I love you,” she whispered, and she felt Steve nod.

He pressed a kiss to her lips, taking hold of either side of her face, drinking from her, as Bucky kissed her neck like last night.

Steve gathered her in his arms, lifting her off the floor, and they were walking out of the bedroom to the other bed they’d slept in yesterday. Darcy went still, her clothes taken off her by two sets of hands, and she was grabbing whatever she could in return, kisses clumsy, everything burning up…

Their mouths on her neck, her back… She was on her back with Bucky’s mouth on hers, Steve’s lips trailing down her front, the mattress dipping with their collective weight…

“Oh, God,” she gasped, and she was crying when she came, Steve’s mouth sealed over her cunt, lapping her, and she was reaching behind her, wanting to put her mouth on Bucky.

“Baby,” she whispered, and he moaned, pushing her hair out of her face to see her better.

“Fuck, Darcy. You feel so good...”

His grip tightened in her hair, her scalp tingling as she took him down her throat, swallowing what she could, coughing but enthusiastic.

“Want you both,” she panted, and she was pulling Bucky into her as she lay still flat on her back, her thighs pushed apart with Bucky nestled in the cradle of her hips.

She met Steve’s eye over Bucky’s shoulder.

“The lube…”

She looked up at Bucky, touching the side of his face.

“That okay?” she whispered, and then she smiled. “A Bucky sandwich?”

He kissed her hard, erasing the doubt or fear she may have had. He moaned into her open mouth when Steve teased his hole with a finger, his eyes glued to Darcy’s when Steve then breached him with his slicked up cock, an inch at a time.

They went perfectly still, except for Steve, for what felt like a lifetime, before Bucky nodded, shivering with pleasure.

“Fuck, I…”

He bucked into Darcy, working himself on Steve in turn, and he moaned louder.

“Jesus, I’m gonna come too fast…”

“We’ve got all night,” Darcy whispered.

She watched them kiss, watched Steve wreck Bucky who came deep inside Darcy, and they were trying to kiss one another frantically, every bit messy and perfectly imperfect, everything fitting together.

Much later, Bucky’s face was resting on Darcy’s pubic bone. Steve’s wet, softened cock lay in her hand as Steve played with her hair as he rested against the headboard. The three of them piled on the bed and sweating, Darcy wondered how the hell they were meant to walk again, let alone drive all the way back home tomorrow and pretend they didn’t exist perfectly this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated Mother's Day lmao, I love you 3000 ❤
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	43. Part Forty Three: Think I'm Kidding?

_So for the time being, I'm being patient_   
_And amidst this bitterness_   
_If you'll just consider this_   
_Even if it don't make sense all the time_   
_Give it time_   
**\- "I Know" by Fiona Apple**

_There's things I wanna say to you_  
 _But I'll just let you live_  
 _Like if you hold me without hurting me_  
 _You'll be the first who ever did  
_ **\- "Cinnamon Girl" by Lana Del Rey**

**Part Forty Three:**

**Think I'm Kidding?**

**WINTER SEMESTER**

“Darcy?”

She spun on the spot, after dropping her head to her chest, the back door open. Maria had appeared on the threshold.

“I was _so_ close!” Darcy said.

“I would have stopped you at your car,” Maria replied, and Darcy nodded, conceding. “You got a sec?”

No, Darcy did not. That’s what she wished she had the balls to say, but being her, and Maria being Maria, she pressed her lips together and followed her back inside. She hoped this wasn’t about what had transpired at rehearsals that afternoon.

Half an hour ago, Darcy had lost all patience for Riley. It had been gradual, and then suddenly rapid, like most unpleasant things at Sacred Heart. Darcy had managed to not bite off anyone’s head all day, and Riley hadn’t got under her skin, but something about her inability to be helpful when Darcy asked her to simple things had finally pushed her to snapping. In a weird role reversal, Wanda tended to be the one who lost her temper while Darcy stayed cool-headed, but now as Riley folded her arms with her script in one hand, her eyes rolling toward the ceiling, Darcy thought it was time she got a harsh reality. All she’d done was ask Riley to go on an errand.

“It’ll take five minutes,” Darcy said, folding her arms, as Wanda was pinning Tommy’s jacket in place. “And then you can come back and run more lines –”

“Your tone is completely condescending,” Riley retorted, and Darcy’s brows lifted slightly.

That was a new word. It sounded like she hadn’t fully versed herself with it, perhaps including it to sound older and wiser, but it only made her sound foolish.

“I’m lead,” Riley added, and Darcy felt herself grin without warmth.

“Except I didn’t distinguish myself from the other children by announcing ‘I’m lead’,” she retorted, and Riley’s mouth snapped shut. “Find Mister Barnes to borrow the drill.”

Riley stayed still, and Darcy snapped her fingers, pointing to the door.

“Go. _Now_ ,” she snapped.

Riley set off, scowling to herself, and jumped off the stage. Darcy stared at the back of Riley’s head.

“Think I’m kidding, Riley? If you don’t come back with it, don’t bother coming back for the rest of rehearsal.”

She looked at another student who was staring at the scene, and Darcy softened.

“J.J., could you make sure she finds her way?”

J.J., whose real name was Joanna Josephina, stood up and walked to the edge of the stage to hop off. Darcy chose her deliberately as she wasn’t one of Riley’s friends, and therefore was less likely to be manipulated or bullied into lying about whatever happened in the time it took to complete the task. Darcy glanced over at Wanda, who’d gently pushed Tommy aside, holding the jacket she needed to adjust.

“Was I smug?” Darcy murmured to Wanda under her breath.

“No, you were fine.”

There hadn’t been any snag, and the girls had returned with the drill so Darcy could put together some of the set. Walking with Maria back to her office, she wondered if Riley and her mom could be waiting for her.

“Does this have anything to do with the play?” she asked, and Maria gave her a glance over her shoulder.

“No, why? What happened?”

Darcy explained fast in a low voice as they walked through the front office, as Flo was still hanging around. By the time she finished her story, Maria was slipping into her chair and Darcy hung by the door, shutting it softly.

Maria didn’t seem concerned. “That’s fine. I’m guessing I’ll get an email from Riley’s mom –”

“I’m not sorry,” Darcy said, sitting down. “At least, not about what I said. I’m sorry you’re the first point of contact in these situations, but I’m not sorry for how I spoke to Riley.”

“Just remember that she’s thirteen, and you were once, too,” Maria replied, folding her hands together on her desk.

Darcy didn’t think that was a reasonable excuse. J.J. was twelve and never made a fuss. Tommy hadn’t had any issues since Riley’s wrist incident.

“Okay,” Darcy said, not bothering to keep the scoff from her voice.

There was a short silence between them as they stared at one another, and then Maria visibly deflated, sighing.

“I don’t know anything about literacy,” she said, and Darcy frowned.

“You can read, though, right?” Darcy replied, and Maria tilted her head. “Alright, it’s not the best joke. But you’re the one whose contract I signed, so… bear that in mind.”

“Can you let me speak?” Maria countered, and Darcy mimed locking her mouth with a key. “I have a grant I’m applying for, and I need help…”

Darcy had been aware of this rite of passage. Steve had applied for two grants already in the last few months, and Bruce was also working on one. She was certain she heard Clint bitching about it at O’Sullivan’s a few weeks back as well.

“What’s the grant?” Darcy asked. She lifted a finger. “Also, I don’t know why they don’t just let us have money we ask for. It’s like every job application I sent off before here. It was always so tempting to write ‘may I please have a crumb, sir, a measly little job?’…”

Maria stared at her and Darcy nodded.

“Right. Talking too much,” she said. “Y’know, I’m pretty socially inept, but I _know_ that me being this familiar to you is a mark of respect, not insolence -”

“I need a few points on adult literacy, and why we deserve the grant for the library,” Maria cut in, and Darcy stopped abruptly. “And I’m not kidding, I don’t know enough about this to apply for the grant myself, or to get Steve or Hope to do it. I know you have a lot on your plate.”

“Yeah, my plate’s more of a buffet these days,” Darcy muttered, then she put up a hand. “I’m not complaining.”

She was in fact complaining, but Maria didn’t seem to take it too personally, smirking at her.

“It’s not easy working for me, is it?”

“Well, I figure if someone works at a school and thinks it’s easy, they’re not _working hard enough_ ,” Darcy whispered, narrowing her eyes. “So what do you need to know?”

“The angle I want to approach at is to do with education influencing adult life –”

“I mean, you may be onto something,” Darcy said, and Maria narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, again, not the best joke. But I’ll give you a few dot points.”

“Could you give them to me by the end of the week?” Maria asked, and Darcy blinked at her.

“Uh… sure, fine.”

“Thanks, Darcy,” Maria said, and Darcy knew it was signal for her to leave. “And keep it up, I’m proud of you.”

Darcy went still, her boss’ words catching her off-guard, and she felt herself nod as she rose from her chair. Maria had moved on to other things, her eyes on her laptop.

“Did you, uh – I mean, I could I get that in writing one day?” she asked eventually, and Maria glanced up at her, frowning.

“Get out.”

“Okay.”

Darcy left, sighing as she trudged back down the corridor and out into the parking lot. There was no sign of either Steve's car or Bucky’s truck. Darcy had to check her phone to remember where she was meant to be going.

She arrived at Steve’s apartment building, dragging her feet up the stairs, feeling herself becoming more irritable with each step. By the time she reached the front door and knocked, she couldn’t ignore her aching muscles anymore. And then she remembered that she’d be carting her bones back to her own apartment in a few hours.

She sighed when Bucky answered the door, unable to keep her bad mood at bay. His face fell.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she muttered, and she pulled him into a kiss, side-stepping him to walk through the doorway.

He shut the door behind them and Darcy kept walking to the kitchen table where Steve sat grading papers, no shirt on. It was clear what had happened while Darcy had spent the rest of the rehearsals at school.

“Did you ditch me the second you got the drill back?” Darcy said to Bucky, who’d come to a stop beside her. She regretted her clipped tone, her shoulders slackening further. She tugged off her handbag and sat it down in one of the empty chairs. “Sorry.”

“S’fine,” Bucky replied. “Yeah, I guess we did.”

“I could bitch about ungrateful kids I’m busting my ass over, but I guess you or Steve would more likely deserve the title,” Darcy muttered, folding her arms.

Steve had paused his pen, watching her.

“We should talk.”

Bucky sucked in a breath, walking out, and Darcy’s mouth fell open, staring after him.

“What? I think this is the perfect time –”

“What’s the perfect time?” Steve interjected. Darcy’s eyes swung to meet his.

She heard Bucky getting a beer from the fridge.

“The idea that I’m racing over to here or Bucky’s every afternoon –”

Bucky reappeared, beer at his lips, and Darcy stopped mid-sentence, as Bucky said:

“You said you didn’t want to fuck up your lease.”

“So that doesn’t stop either of you two from moving into the other apartment!” she retorted, her arms wide. “This is nuts.”

She looked from Bucky to Steve, neither of them speaking.

“Come on. It is,” she said. “No-one has to know you two live together.”

Steve drew in a breath. “You try tellin’ Buck that.”

Bucky bristled. They hadn’t spoken about this explicitly since Christmas when he’d dropped the subject as fast as it began.

“Bucky?” Darcy said her eyes meeting his.

He gulped more beer, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He didn’t give her an answer, so Darcy moved toward him, her hands on his shoulders as she invaded his space.

“What are you afraid of? We spend every weekend there as it is…”

“So then nothin’ has to change,” he retorted, and Darcy pulled back, frowning.

“Are you serious? I just said it’s nuts.”

“No-one said you had to be with either of us every afternoon,” Bucky retorted, and Darcy saw Steve pass a hand over his face in the corner of her eye.

Darcy let Bucky’s sentence hang between them for several seconds as she held her breath, and Bucky rubbed his eyes.

“You know what I mean…”

“Can’t say I do,” Darcy muttered. She wasn’t going to give him an inch. “So elaborate.”

Bucky growled under his breath, turning away, so Darcy spat:

“I’m not a toy you can just put down and pick up again whenever you want –”

It was a low blow, so Bucky spun around again, eyes wider.

“Now, hang on a second –”

“So Concord was just a dream?” Darcy retorted, jutting her chin at him, her hands on her hips. “I’ve got to take what I’m given? What about what I want?”

“What?” Bucky snapped. “How the fuck was Concord not exactly what you wanted?”

“It was meant to be a _gift!”_ Darcy exploded. “From _both_ of you! _And I said fucking thank you!”_

The silence that followed seemed to ring and Darcy’s chest felt tight, her face flushing. She stared at Bucky while he stared back at her, and Steve was the one to speak up first.

“I think… we’re all a bit…”

He made a vague gesture with his hand.

Darcy shot him a glare and his eyebrows hiked.

“You disagree?”

“No, I’d say we’re stretched thin and stressed out, but maybe also take a side, Rogers,” she snapped. “I thought maybe for once we wouldn’t give Bucky a pass.”

Bucky let out a mirthless chuckle. “A… pass?”

“I don’t need to repeat myself,” she said. “Stop avoiding this. We can’t just fuck around and think that we can excuse ourselves from the outside world.”

“We can’t just tell everyone,” Steve said, sounding tired.

“I know that.”

“So be with him,” Bucky said, cocking his head in Steve’s direction. “Pick him. Makes it easier. One address. _One_ boyfriend you can introduce to your ma.”

“Fuck you, that’s not what I meant,” Darcy snapped. “I am sick of fighting with you over that.”

Bucky went quiet, his eyes averting and Darcy let out a shaky breath.

“Darcy, he’s not ready,” Steve murmured, and she glanced his way.

“Is he ever going to be?” Darcy said, and she looked back at Bucky. “ _Are_ you?”

Bucky kept his mouth shut, and gave a small shrug.

“Right,” she said.

Then she moved to pick up her handbag again, her eyes stinging. She was frustrated and tired more than anything.

“Fuck this, I’m going home,” she hissed.

She stalked out, her anger spurring her on, her feet thundering down the steps. It took less than a minute for her to be outside again and walking toward her car, getting her keys out. She opened her front door when Bucky’s hand reached out, slamming it shut again.

“Hey!”

“Are we breaking up?” he asked, and she blinked at him. He said it again, a little clearer, sounding out of breath. “Are we breaking up?”

“No,” Darcy said, and she stared up at him, her hand dropping from the handle. “God, no.”

“I’m sorry,” he blurted, and she made herself wait, his words slower. “I’m sorry I’m… making this complicated. I know I get special treatment –”

Darcy’s stomach dropped. “Baby, _I_ don’t even know what I meant by that.”

She sighed, moving closer to him, cupping his cheek. His hand came up to cover hers, and Darcy could see he was fighting the urge to look away from her, his throat bobbing.

“Hey,” she whispered, and she rubbed his cheek with her thumb. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he whispered back.

“I shouldn’t’ve lost my temper,” she went on.

They walked back up, hand in hand, and as they walked back into the apartment, Darcy could hear the running water coming from the bathroom, Steve out of sight.

“He’s runnin’ ya a bath,” Bucky murmured.

Darcy’s gratitude and guilt manifested in a predictable way – soon after going into the bathroom to find Steve sitting on the edge of his tub, watching the water run, she kissed them both. Her hands stroked their faces, their chests. She was soon between them in Steve’s bed.

They were a tangle of limbs, sweaty and spent when she finally spoke again, to Bucky on her left, Steve’s face resting in her neck, one of Darcy’s hands stroking Steve’s hair idly with Bucky holding her other.

Darcy smiled at Bucky, then bit her lip.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, but Bucky shook his head.

“I get it, y’know?” he murmured. He swallowed, looking down at their twined fingers. “It’s not easy, when all you want is to be part of my life. You just wanna… love me, and I make it harder.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Lemme finish,” he whispered. He pressed a lingering kiss to her lips. “I’m a mess. I’m not gonna make it your job to take care of me –”

“I want to.”

“Darcy,” he whispered, shaking his head fondly. “I’m grown.”

“But I can, I can take care of you both,” she whispered back. “And you can take care of me. Whatever that means. Please, just let me…”

She whimpered against the heat of his kiss, and she could feel herself floating again, between them, under them, around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're messy but I love them with all my icy heart. 
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	44. Part Forty Four: Happy Birthday

_Between us, I think there's something special_   
_And if I lose my mental, just hold my hand_   
_Even if you don't understand, hold up_   
_No matter what you say or what you do_   
_When I'm alone, I'd rather be with you_   
**\- "3005" by Childish Gambino**

**Part Forty Four:**

**Happy Birthday**

**SPRING SEMESTER**

Darcy made a couple major mistakes. The first one was writing an essay for Maria instead of emailing her the dot points she asked for. Darcy wasn’t sure exactly what came over her – passion, probably, though she was almost certain she was out of it due to exhaustion – but soon she was sending it to Maria and got a response by the end of the day:

_Darcy,_

_This is incredible. Please send this off with my approval signature attached._

She was pleased Maria was happy with her, though she was wrecked from being up so late writing it instead of sleeping. She could barely remember what she’d written when Wanda asked about it, leaning against the circulation desk mid-morning on a Wednesday.

“Must’ve been good,” Wanda murmured, putting her cup of tea to her lips.

She had swapped around her relief time because Hope had a cold. Annabeth and a couple other teachers had to juggle their lessons to compensate. Yet again, Darcy was somewhat relieved that she didn’t have to deal with teaching full-time.

“Weird moment before school though,” Wanda went on. “I went to go get a hammer, ‘cause I know Bucky probably wouldn’t appreciate me borrowing him over such a tiny job –”

Darcy smirked, processing a return. Wanda put on a scowl.

“He’d give me this face.”

“I know that one,” Darcy murmured. She last time she saw it was when she managed to drag Bucky into a supermarket a couple days ago, and he was staring at the back of some jerk’s head that cut in front of them.

“So I went in, _hi, Buck, how are you_ ,” Wanda said. “He gives me nothing, that’s fine. He’s busy reading something about _transcendentalism_.”

Darcy kept her eyes averted, remembering Bucky had asked Darcy about finding more on that particular subject. It was after they went to the supermarket that she’d gone with him to a store to buy the book outright.

“Since when does he read about that?” Wanda said, her palm turned upwards.

“He borrowed _Little Women_ from me,” Darcy lied smoothly.

He’d borrowed it from Steve, who’d read it for a second time after they visited Concord last month. Since their Valentine’s trip, Bucky had been reading more selectively, hence his immersion in transcendentalism.

“Alcott’s dad was a big part of that,” she went on, waving a hand around. She kept her eyes away from Wanda, just in case. “Along with Ralph Waldo Emerson and some other guys.”

“Wow,” Wanda murmured, resting her chin in her hand. “Why do you hide away all this stuff you know, Darce?”

“What?” Darcy said, finally looking up, frowning.

“I mean, I bet the essay you wrote was pretty profound, for Maria to like it that much,” she replied. “And you’ve always got some little factoid –”

“I don’t really,” Darcy muttered. “I read a lot, is all. And Maria said she knows nothing about literacy, so I think her standards are-”

“Shut up, alright?” Wanda cut in, chuckling. “Could you stop being so Jewish and look on the bright side for once? I feel like I’m your dance mom telling you to get your shit together…”

Darcy let out a short laugh, shaking her head.

There was a screech in the hallway outside and Wanda’s head whipped around and Darcy went still, listening out.

“What is it?”

Wanda frowned, moving to investigate. She was about to stick her head out the door when she stepped back, looking surprised as Ricky Wayne appeared, ducking inside and racing toward Darcy.

Darcy felt herself automatically tense when Annabeth then followed, Wanda’s eyebrows skyrocketing.

“Mrs Hendrickson –” she began, but Annabeth was glaring at Darcy, her finger pointing.

“He can stay here, I’ve had enough,” she snapped, and Wanda shut her mouth, crossing her arms.

Darcy glanced at Ricky, who’d flopped on the floor at her feet behind the desk, taking out his toy car to run along the carpet.

“What happened?” Darcy asked, and Annabeth turned back toward her, huffing.

“It was a religious discussion that Mister Wayne decided to make light of –”

Wanda exchanged a glance with Darcy.

“Was this about Lent?” Wanda asked.

Darcy made a joke earlier that week about Jesus seeing his shadow, pretending to confuse Lent with Groundhog Day. Darcy felt the mirth begin to bubble up and she did her best to keep straight-faced, as Annabeth shot Wanda an exasperated look.

“We were talking about what we’re giving up, and Ricky said…”

Annabeth dropped her voice slightly, her cheeks going pink.

_“Boners.”_

Darcy snorted, unable to control herself, and then clapped her hand over her mouth as Annabeth shot her a look. Wanda spoke up before Annabeth could get a chance to chew Darcy out.

“It doesn’t sound like he meant anything by it,” she murmured. “He probably heard it on TV or from one of the kids –”

“Really?” Annabeth snapped. “He then called me a F-U-C-K-T-A-R-D.”

Ricky called out: “I can _spell_.”

Annabeth's shoulders were shaking. “He’s your problem now. I’m sick of him interrupting every lesson with his wisecracks.”

She stalked off, ignoring Wanda calling after her. Darcy darted out from her desk, racing out into the corridor, glaring after Annabeth’s retreating back.

“Hey! HEY!”

She balled her hands into fists, and Wanda tugging her back by the sleeve.

“Just let it go…”

“She can’t do that!” Darcy snarled. “I’ve got sh- _stuff_ to do, and she knows that.”

She returned to her desk, and Ricky seemed content. Wanda rolled her eyes to break the tension, and Darcy was grateful for it.

“Anyway. I was wondering why Bucky was reading something like that,” Wanda said. “Maybe you two could talk it over coffee sometime.”

Darcy’s eyes snapped to hers. “I dunno.”

“Would you rather Steve was the one -?” Wanda began, but Darcy shushed her. Wanda looked peered over at Ricky, shrugging. “He doesn’t care.”

“I don’t care,” Ricky said, his tone flat.

Wanda smirked. Darcy sighed, glancing over at her computer screen as she tried to diffuse her guilt. She hated lying to Wanda, but she didn’t know if there would ever be a way to be honest about Bucky or Steve without giving everything away.

“I thought you’d at least let those crushes blossom into –”

“Into what?” Darcy interrupted. “It’s better if things stay the same. I prefer it that way. I’m still getting used to being here. I’m the new girl.”

“You’ve been here seven months,” Wanda countered.

Thinking about that terrified Darcy. The months had flown by, and yet she couldn’t remember a time in which she didn’t have these people in her life. She couldn’t remember what it felt like to not be in this job, as messy and exhausting as it was.

“Steve gets this look on his face when you’re not looking at him,” Wanda went on, and Darcy looked at her again, feeling her cheeks heat. “Same look on his face that you get when you’re listening to Joni Mitchell –”

“It’s a normal human response,” Darcy muttered, and Wanda smirked.

“He looks at you when you’re not looking at him, and that’s just Steve,” she said. “I’m pretty sure Bucky’s got his own version of that, I haven’t deciphered it yet.”

Darcy felt her stomach flutter. Bucky looked her in the eye more nowadays. She still had to remember not to be too friendly at school with both of them, even though all she wanted to do around them was touch them and smile back at them.

Darcy managed to segue into a different subject. She knew it was obvious that she’d set out to do that, but she was grateful of Wanda indulging her. The play was only a month away, always on the back of her waking mind. There was still so much to do, with so little time in each day.

-

By the afternoon, Maria had shared Darcy’s essay with the rest of the staff. Darcy was exiting the staff room when Clint grabbed her by the elbow to pull her back.

“I read your application.”

“Oh, God,” Darcy said automatically, ducking her head. “Don’t – don’t tell me how bad it is.”

“Are you kidding? Can I send you a draft of mine? I wanna get my senior kids into a volleyball tournament next year, but the expenses are more than my entire budget –”

Darcy was already walking back toward the library with Clint beside her, and she stopped at the painting of Mary and Jesus, closing her eyes.

“It would really help. I’m not a writer.”

“What makes you think _I_ am?” Darcy blurted, and then she sighed. “ _Sorry_. Sure, why not…”

Sam emailed her, and then a handful of other people did as well, but it was silence from Annabeth and the rest of her friends. Darcy hadn’t said a word to Maria about Ricky being palmed off on her. She figured there was only so much her brain could take, and the stress of confronting Annabeth yet again would only make things worse overall.

She went home that afternoon, texting Bucky and Steve that if they wanted to see her, she’d rather not drive any more that day. She’d decided it wasn’t too much to ask for a little reprieve. Since their fight over moving in, the subject hadn’t come up again. The three of them avoiding it meant nothing changed, which was fine for Darcy in the meantime. It was something else to worry over, and she didn’t want to take anything out on Steve or Bucky.

She’d designed a new system with Bucky in mind, where he could text her a color depending on his mood, if he was so inclined to check in. He texted her ‘yellow’, which meant he was tired and he’d see her tomorrow. It also meant he was feeling a little moody, but nothing to concern herself with.

Steve came by alone with a pile of papers, and he fell asleep on her couch within minutes of sitting down, his mouth slightly open as he still held his pen. Darcy took it from him and recapped it, Steve stirring awake and rubbing his eyes.

“You’ve got –” Darcy gestured to his temple. “Ink or something on you.”

“Bound to happen,” he mumbled, and then he yawned long and loud. “Jesus Christ. Is it summer yet?”

Darcy giggled, sinking into the space beside him, kissing his face. After a few blissful moments of silence, he murmured into her hair:

“I read your essay.”

Darcy let out a groan. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

“The integrity of libraries?” he retorted. “You really went there –”

“I get the feeling I went overboard for three grand,” Darcy muttered, and she pulled away from him, rubbing her eyes. “Did you hear what Ricky called Annabeth today?”

Steve’s lips quirked. “What?”

“Fucktard.”

“Oh, _no_ ,” he whispered, and then he began to giggle.

Darcy watched his composure completely collapse, and soon he was clutching his stomach and howling with laughter as Darcy giggled with him, feeling tears spring in her eyes.

-

Darcy didn’t hear any good news, despite all the positivity she was receiving. The rejection letter that Maria received on her behalf arrived the same day they decided to celebrate Bucky’s birthday at O’Sullivan’s.

“We’re not drinking to celebrate, then?” Sam asked, putting his mouth close to her ear to yell over the music.

Wanda was already dancing in front of the jukebox with Natasha and Laura Barton, and Darcy was nursing her third shot of Jameson.

“Drinking to heal broken hearts,” Darcy replied, her eyes swinging to meet Maria’s across the table.

Bucky sat on her other side, and she was grateful he agreed to come. Tomorrow was technically his birthday, and he’d managed to not be subjected to too much attention at school, but Darcy wasn’t going to let it go entirely unnoticed.

She glanced his way some time later, smiling up at him.

“Good?”

He nodded, sipping. Darcy could feel she was getting tipsy, and the well-timed hug from behind Wanda gave her meant she was up and dancing. She kept glancing over at the table not-so subtly, Wanda’s eyes following hers.

“You should give him a big birthday kiss,” Wanda yelled, and Darcy began to laugh, throwing her head back.

Wanda turned her in a circle, pulling her close a second later.

“Steve’s watching, too, so maybe they’d have to duel over it –”

“Stop reading regency romances, Wanda,” Darcy retorted, and Wanda giggled.

-

Darcy woke with a headache, Bucky’s face pressed into her neck, and she turned her head to kiss him behind his ear.

“Happy Birthday,” she whispered.

He let out a breath of a laugh. Steve shifted on her other side, his hand curled over her hip.

The morning went by slowly, in happy little increments. Darcy made coffee and fed Alpine, before bringing the cat back to bed for Bucky to have his nose licked and nibbled on. Eventually, the cat was banished once more when Bucky tugged Darcy under him.

By the time the early afternoon rolled around, Darcy needed a shower but felt thoroughly rested, even with her thighs aching from tensing so much. She caught sight of herself in the fogged up mirror in the bathroom, and saw she was blotchy and glowing.

After Steve attempted to make pancakes for lunch, Darcy went out and returned, telling them both to come down to her car when she arrived. She met them in the lobby and told them to close their eyes, taking them by their hands out to her car, where she popped the trunk.

“Keep ‘em closed,” she called, and she turned around, seeing Steve had put a hand over his eyes and Bucky was smirking with his eyes squeezed shut.

“Why can’t I see?” Steve muttered, and Darcy shushed him, chiding:

“You’ll give it away somehow, I don’t trust you.”

“Alright…”

Darcy snorted, stepping aside, brandishing her arms.

“Okay, you can look…”

Bucky blinked at her, his eyes falling to the open trunk. Darcy had a pile of different pieces of furniture, all of it needing mending.

“Ta-dah!”

“You bought me junk,” Bucky said, and he burst into a smile.

His arms rose and he pulled her into a tight hug, lifting her up and spinning her around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com)


	45. Part Forty Five: That Ain't Fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, I missed you, I love you

_I found it hard to find someone like you_   
**\- "Streets" by Doja Cat**

**Part Forty Five:**

**That Ain't Fair**

**SPRING SEMESTER**

Darcy got a call from an unknown number in the middle of Wednesday morning. She placed her phone between her ear and her shoulder, as she was hand-stitching the final touches on the white rabbit’s waistcoat.

“Am I speaking to Darcy Lewis?”

It was a male voice, one that Darcy didn’t recognize. He sounded around Rachel’s age or maybe older. She frowned, placing the waist coat on the circulation desk and glanced above to check if anyone was still hanging around the library.

“Yes, speaking.”

She gestured to the boy that knelt on the floor with his nose in a book.

“Shane!” she whispered sharply, covering her phone. “Go!”

It was past the bell already, but she had been distracted. He rolled his eyes, putting the book on the floor instead of the shelf and Darcy sighed, watching him traipse down the stairs and then out the door.

“This a bad time?” the voice said when she put her phone to her ear once more.

“No, it’s – just – kids,” Darcy replied, and her eyes widened at the boy that tried to squeeze past the closing door as Shane left. “Gabe, are you _kidding_ me?”

“Miss Lewis –”

“Leave it, go, you can come back at lunch,” she said, pointing. “Go.”

Gabe gave a loud groan and she wondered where he’d learned that – before realizing it was probably her over the last few months one way or another.

“So I’m definitely speaking to Darcy Lewis,” said the voice, and Darcy closed her eyes for a second, feeling herself flush.

“Uh, yeah.”

“It’s Tony Stark, I wanted to talk.”

Darcy went still, his words sinking in. She then spun around and marched back to her desk and began to type in Google his name, just to clarify if he was the tech billionaire she’d heard of before.

“You still there?”

“Sorry, just – how did you get this number?” Darcy asked. She rose a hand to smack her monitor.

“What was that?”

“My screen went violet again. Like, hurting my eyes purple,” Darcy muttered.

“Like _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_ ,” he replied with a chuckle. “‘Violet, you’re turning violet, Violet!’”

“I think you mean _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_ , the movie with Gene Wilder,” Darcy said. “ _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_ is the book.”

“Very good, you’re obviously a librarian,” he replied smoothly, as Darcy began to scroll through the Stark Industries M.O.

“I’m a library tech,” she amended automatically. “Again, you didn’t say how you got this number.”

“The HR department at Sacred Heart,” he said.

Darcy held back her snort just barely. The front office was hardly a human resources department, especially when Darcy avoided it at all costs because Annabeth tended to hang out there in between class times.

“Right. So, what can I help you with?” Darcy asked.

“You applied for a grant with the Brubaker Foundation, but your application was rejected. I know that because I’m on the board.”

“You – you read my essay?” Darcy said. “I didn’t know you were on that board. Honestly, I don’t know much about the Brubaker group –”

“So, you wrote an essay and then sent it off without actually knowing anything about the foundation?” Stark said, and Darcy rubbed her eyes.

“I… I mean, yeah,” she admitted. “I’m running on fumes at the moment, I’m not exactly attuned to everything outside of this work bubble. I did it because my boss told me to.”

“Interesting,” he said. “I mean, it was fucking great, for a rejection.”

Darcy didn’t expect the cuss word and found herself chuckling.

“Uh, thanks, I guess.”

Stark sounded like he was smiling. “I’m gonna give you the two grand. Plus a couple more. Actually, I was gonna give you ten grand instead of the two the Brubaker grant would’ve meant.”

Darcy went still again, blinking at the screen on her computer that was hard to look at in the first place.

“I…”

“I mean, I thought I’d tell you first. And then someone’s gonna come down to meet you and write a bit about it for our social media. It’s kind of a weird flex, but I liked that line so much, the one about reading being easy.”

Darcy finally found her voice, stammering. “L-Life’s complicated, but reading doesn’t have to be?”

“That’s the one.”

Darcy passed a hand over her face.

“Sorry… and I know this is crude but – h-how…?”

She glanced at the door to make sure it was closed, and that she was really alone. She cleared her throat.

“How are you fucking me with this?”

Stark let out a laugh and Darcy felt herself loosen, leaning against her desk. He laughed for several seconds. He sobered.

“That’s beautiful. I’ll have to remember that one.”

“I’m serious,” Darcy said. “How are you fucking me? Ten grand because you read an essay I wrote, care of my principal?”

“I like smart people, and they should be rewarded for it,” he said. “And you don’t write like somebody with a superiority complex, which I _cannot_ relate to –”

“So you’re not fucking me? This is for real? Like, for real, for real?” Darcy cut in.

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?” Darcy said.

“Yes... ma’am?”

Darcy grinned, which she was sure he could sense by how he began to laugh again.

-

When she told Maria, she dropped her pen into her cup of coffee, spilling it on her desk. Stark then scheduled to speak to Maria, and Darcy sat in on the call, smiling so much her face hurt.

Sam flew to her in the staff room a few hours later, his eyes wide.

_“Are you serious? You did that?!”_

He hugged her tight. She felt another hand on hers while they still embraced and saw Hope had arrived.

“I heard – is it true?”

Darcy nodded, and Hope gave a squeal.

“Sacred Heart’s got a sugar daddy!”

The rest of the day was spent on a high, and Darcy couldn’t shake it even when she was driving over to Bucky’s after rehearsals. She grabbed him the second the door shut behind her, her bag thrown to the floor. He was tugged into a kiss and he grunted, pulling back for a second.

“What’s got into you?”

“Pep, and – fuck, I just got the school ten grand,” she said in a rush, and she laughed at his astonished face. “ _Tony Stark_ called me and said the Stark foundation was giving me ten thousand fucking dollars cause he read my essay.”

“The – the tech guy with the goatee?” Bucky said, and Darcy laughed, nodding. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Holy shit,” he said again, and he kissed her, spinning her around pushing her into the closed door.

In seconds, Bucky was on his knees and under the long skirt of her dress, tugging down Darcy’s tights as her hand lay on his back, her other deep in his hair. Darcy kicked off her shoes as Bucky’s lips pressed on her inner thighs, his hands squeezing her ass.

Darcy giggled and moaned through it, feeling so warm with desire and love that she felt her eyes mist with how overwhelming it was. Bucky’s mouth was sealed over her clit with two of his fingers tucked inside her when she came, and she felt herself begin to crash – the tiredness she’d pushed aside because of the incredible news was seeping back into her.

Bucky pulled back with a slow kiss to her pubic bone, moving up, his mouth wet with her arousal, his pupils blown.

“That good?” he murmured, and Darcy nodded, feeling weak with it, feeling herself twitch through the aftershocks.

“Where’s Stevie?” she whispered. “Want Stevie…”

“He’s stayin’ back late, remember?” Bucky murmured, and he kissed her mouth, sucking her tongue and making her whimper in earnest all over again…

They moved to his bed, his arms curled around her as they made love, Darcy’s forehead pressed to his as she gripped the bed sheet and moaned.

“Fuck, I’m gonna…”

She bit her lip and lost her vision, her thighs trembling on either side of his hips. Her back arched and she gave a half-sob, clenching around Bucky as he groaned, not slowing his thrusts.

“I’m gettin’ there, too, baby,” he whispered. “I’ll get there. Fuck…”

Darcy blinked up at him, their eyes meeting.

“Gimme a kiss,” he whispered, and she obliged, everything hot and wet, and he shuddered.

Watching Bucky come and watching Steve come tied as Darcy’s favorite things to do. It was addictive, seeing their cheeks bloom with color, sweat on their skin as their voices got louder. When their moans seemed to slip out of them beyond their control, Darcy wished she could remember the sound forever.

Bucky seemed to leave his body for a second, his mouth falling open as he pressed his face to Darcy’s bare chest, twitching inside her as he crashed – Darcy watched him turn to liquid, panting into her skin as her hand stroked his hair.

They were silent for a minute, their breathing slowing. Then Bucky wrapped his arms around her tighter, hugging her.

“God…”

“Buck, you gotta get outta me,” Darcy whispered.

“No, I wanna bend you over somethin’ in a second, you can stay like this…”

He pulled back, and Darcy sighed, feeling his come already drooling out of her, and she sat up, moving to swing her legs over the side of the bed.

“Is it bad that like seeing you messy?” Bucky whispered, and she glanced over her shoulder at him.

“No,” she murmured. “Because you love me. And I love you.”

Darcy went to the bathroom and returned, flopping down on the bed beside him, Bucky’s arm wrapping around her waist to pull her to his side.

“You want kids?” he asked.

He hadn’t said anything for a few minutes, while Darcy stroked his hair and face, wondering how long he’d wait for another round.

“Where did that come from?” Darcy said, her brows hiking.

Bucky swallowed. “I mean… we’re… we’re doin’ this a lot. And I wonder sometimes.”

“Do _you_ want kids?” Darcy asked.

Bucky’s jaw ticked, meaning he was feeling unsure.

“I don’t… I don’t know. I used to not. Not until –”

“Not until me?” Darcy said, and he shrugged. “Buck, that can’t be true. What about Steve?”

“I just – I dunno. You, with my kid in your belly?” he murmured, looking away, at the ceiling. “I had a dream about it the other day.”

“Buck, you gotta tell Steve these things, too,” Darcy said, and he nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.”

“He probably thinks you don’t want any of that domestic… stuff,” she added. “Like, why didn’t you two get married?”

Bucky looked at her again, looking a little sadder.

“He didn’t ask me.”

“You wonder why?” she asked.

She was surprised they’d got this far. She didn’t normally bring up this heavy stuff because Bucky had the tendency to clam up. She knew he’d changed immensely since Christmas in terms of honesty and being vulnerable with her, but he still had a long way to go. She knew it was a reflection of his relationship with Steve, too.

“Yeah, and you’re gonna tell me it’s dumb,” he muttered.

“But?”

“But maybe he hasn’t asked me because he doesn’t wanna marry me,” he said. He rolled his eyes. “And I know it’s dumb. He’s _fucking Catholic_...”

Steve wasn’t that Catholic, not in the hypocritical sense that Annabeth seemed to be. He had a lot of the Christian values of being a good person. He was probably the kindest person Darcy had ever met, and he made friends wherever he went. He honored traditions, but only out of respect, and he knew they didn’t suit everyone. She remembered asking him why he still went to midnight Mass during Christmas, and he said without hesitating:

“Because it makes me feel closer to my ma.”

“That ain’t fair,” Darcy said, and Bucky frowned at her.

“Jesus, you even _sound_ like him when you say it, too,” he muttered.

“Come on,” Darcy laughed. “What about all the dad sounds he already makes? He’s such a goof. He’d be an adorable baby daddy. Adorable hubby, too –”

Bucky put a hand over his eyes. “Don’t use that word. You can’t say ‘hubby’ and expect me to keep talkin’ about it…”

“Maybe drop a hint you’d be fine with it.”

“Darcy…”

“Or don’t, fine,” Darcy said. “Why own 50% of anything when you can have 100% of nothing?”

She decided then to slip out of bed, because her point had been made, and she walked back out to find her clothes and redress. Alpine was on the couch and mewed at her.

“Hey, widdle baby,” she whispered, and he began to purr. “You wouldn’t mind the four of us together all the time?”

Alpine stretched languidly.

“Yeah, didn’t think you would...”

-

After Steve came home with pizza, he was still working at the table as Darcy cleaned up. Bucky was on the couch and swinging his knee, his eyes watching Steve.

Darcy came over to wrap her arms around Steve’s neck from behind. She shot Bucky a pointed look, and he scowled at her, eyes swinging back to the TV.

“What’s up?” Steve murmured, not looking up from his papers.

Darcy pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“You hear about my special donation?”

Steve rubbed one eye, then turned his head slightly to look at her.

“What?”

He was so cute when he was tired. The dad noises Darcy was referring to earlier would occur more when he was tired – he’d grumble and groan softly under his breath, his knees or back bothering him, but he’d never complain outright. Darcy’s hands moved up to his shoulders and rubbed a couple times, distracting him.

“Really? You didn't hear about my ten grand?” she said.

Steve turned properly to face her.

“Ten? I thought it was two… I was runnin’ around all day, I hardly – ten?”

“Tony Stark read my essay and wants to give the school ten grand,” Darcy said.

Bucky sipped his beer, keeping his eyes forward as he muttered:

“Now you’ve done it.”

Steve’s lips had parted and he stared at her, stunned. Then his hands came up and he kissed her, like Darcy had with Bucky earlier, all hunger.

“Yep,” Bucky muttered, popping the word.

-

Darcy woke suddenly, something that was rarer those days with how much work she had to get through every day. She’d finally decided to crash at Bucky’s, which was strictly against her rule of no sleepovers on weeknights.

She found the cause of her abrupt awakening within a couple seconds, hearing Steve give a shout that made her jump. She lay between he and Bucky like usual, and she turned to her left to reach out to him.

“Steve. Hey, honey… Stevie…”

He was thrashing and she managed to place her hands on either side of his face, and he was slowing, letting out a shaky breath as he came to.

“Darce…”

“It’s okay –”

He got up, stumbling out of the bedroom. Darcy followed, almost tripping over a shoe. In the dark, she could make out Bucky’s shape on his side of the bed, but he wasn’t moving much except for his chest rising and falling. At least he’d slept through it.

She ducked out of the bedroom, padding down the hallway, her eyes improving by the time she reached the couch. She could make out the white loaf that was Alpine sleeping on a cushion on the floor, and she moved to stand over Steve, reaching for him once more.

“Darce, go back to bed.”

“You were having a nightmare,” she said. She pulled him into her middle, holding him tight. “Right?”

“I didn’t want to tell ya about ‘em,” he mumbled. “Sometimes they ain’t so bad, I just wake up a little freaked but then I go back to sleep…”

Darcy wasn’t hurt he hadn’t told her. She believed he honestly thought it wasn’t a big deal, though it clearly was.

“Stevie, I had no idea,” she whispered, and she felt a sob bubble up.

“Hey, hey, don’t do that, sweetheart,” he whispered, and he wrapped his arms around her. “Don’t cry, I’m okay.”

“But you’re in pain…”

“I’m okay.”

“Listen to me,” she hissed, and she pulled back to glare at him. “I love you. I love you like crazy and you were right. What I want and what I need are the same thing and I want you to tell me everything. I want all of you two, especially the parts that hurt.”

He swallowed.

“Yeah. I… I want that, too.”

“Do you wanna marry Bucky?” Darcy asked.

“Why the fuck are you bringin’ that up -?”

“Because I said something dumb earlier when you weren’t here, that he could have 100% of nothing if that’s how he wanted it. Now that I actually think about it for longer than two seconds, what are we gonna do? Because three ways doesn’t work…”

“Darce, I’m not gonna ask you to choose –”

“I’m not planning to,” Darcy cut in, shaking her head.

She pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Tell him what you want, okay? If that’s what you want.”

He shut his mouth, nodding. Darcy kissed him again, more tenderly, and he sighed into it, pulling her into his arms.

Steve poured everything into it, turning so she was under him, clothes yanked away in their rush. She could feel he was keeping his words inside, but letting everything else spill over into his touch. He hitched her thigh over her hip and rubbed the blunt tip of his cock against her clit, the air taut as they breathed together, rolled with each wave…

A part of Darcy wished he’d bruise her, leave evidence of what he’d done to her, because she couldn’t put it into words exactly what she’d felt from both of them. Perhaps a mark would prompt that thought, and she’d remember it longer, in more vivid details.

He didn’t stop kissing her, grabbing her and rutting into her hard and slow. Darcy gripped the arm of the couch to push back against him, their eyes glued to one another.

“Can’t wake Buck, he’s gotta sleep…”

“Then what’re we doing?” Darcy whispered back, and he moved faster, Darcy’s body tightening. “I want it to always be like this…”

“I know what you mean. You’re gonna fuckin’ kill me…”

He switched his hands around, one snaking down Darcy’s stomach to reach her clit, and Darcy whimpered, before his other hand reached up to clamp over her mouth.

Something about that drove Darcy wild, and she came with a muffled yell. Steve huffed, following her with his face buried in her sweaty neck.

-

Darcy woke when she heard Steve’s forehead slapped with the newspaper, and she stirred, blinking up at Bucky who sipped from his coffee mug with a grumpy look on his face.

“You two, I swear,” he muttered, as Steve was rubbing his face with a deepening frown.

Darcy realized then in the sleepy haze of morning that she’d fallen asleep in Steve’s arms on the couch completely naked, her underwear still hanging off of one foot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [yeah, but your face is turning blue](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Yqw_f26SvM&list=PLZbXA4lyCtqq9RKDoChUvvg3Gl4EUviP3&index=8&t=0s)
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw%22)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	46. Part Forty Six: Your Missing Piece

_I love freaks, I don't care if you're a wild one_  
_And me_  
_I, I'm not the prettiest you've ever seen_  
_But I have my moments, I have my moments_  
_Not the flawless one, I've never been_  
_But I have my moments, I have my moments_  
**\- "Moments" by Tove Lo**

_You'll go to Hell_  
_For what your_  
_Dirty mind is thinking_  
**\- "Nude" by Radiohead**

_I'm a third wheeler_  
_I'm a side-better_  
_I'm a homewrecker_  
_Give it up_  
**\- "BEST INTEREST" by Tyler, the Creator**

**Part Forty Six:**

**Your Missing Piece**

**SPRING SEMESTER**

Darcy taped the Stark Foundation article to the inside of her circulation desk for her to look at whenever she wanted. It was beside her bag when she reached for her candy stash, so she could never escape the reminder that she did something right, even if she was feeling exhausted and grumpy from all the other stuff that seemed messy beyond repair.

**_Darcy Lewis is an innovator among the ranks of Sacred Heart_ **

That line made her feel most proud. The money was great, but being told that her decisions were the right ones, the opinion of someone outside the bubble of the school, it made her feel the closest thing to empowered.

Wanda burst into the library on Monday morning, singing Whitney Houston, which Darcy managed to join in with, despite the coffee having only just started to begin working its way through her system.

_I get so emotional, baby_

_Every time I think of you_

Wanda did a bow, like she and Darcy had made the kids practice over the last few weeks. They were better at it than when they started, but no-one could perform like Wanda.

“And scene,” she said, rising up again and moving to lean against the desk to drum her fingers on it while Darcy went back to her emails. “Good weekend?”

“Yeah,” Darcy said, with a little shrug of her shoulders. “I mean, I slept a lot, didn’t do much else…”

It was only a half-lie. She slept a lot but she wasn’t alone, and when she wasn’t sleeping she was either fooling around or goofing off. After this week, she only had to worry about the library again. The play was having three separate performances over Wednesday, Thursday and Friday night.

“It’s the final countdown!” Darcy heard Clint yell in the hallway and Wanda turned around, frowning toward the open door.

Clint’s face appeared and he gave a little wave.

“Get outta here, Coach,” Darcy said. “Invite-only arena, the library.”

“What if I wanted to borrow something from here?” he retorted, his whistle swinging on his neck.

“Get Lila to borrow something for you,” Wanda said, folding her arms. “We’re talking secret business.”

“Really? I didn’t just hear you belting out Whitney as I was passing through?”

“Exactly. Passing through,” Wanda said, flapping her hand. “Leave.”

“Whatever, you love me,” Darcy heard him mutter as he departed, and she smirked, turning her attention back to her computer.

She smacked the monitor. “I thought that grant meant I could get a new screen.”

“I thought it meant we could get new director’s chairs,” Wanda added, frowning.

Darcy hadn’t heard anything from Maria about what exactly the school planned to do with the money she got them, but she hoped at least it would be for security upgrades.

A couple hours later as she was in the staff room, a rare appearance, she glanced over at Lois and Flo standing with their coffee mugs as they gossiped in sharp whispers.

“Are we going to get the cameras fixed?” she asked, and Flo stopped mid-sentence, her face changing.

She exchanged a glance with Lois.

“I don’t know about that. Cameras are expensive –”

“Maintenance shouldn’t be an issue,” Darcy cut in.

She hadn’t brought it up in months. It felt like a lifetime ago since she had her car spray painted. She looked between the two women, waiting.

“That’s not up to us,” Lois said eventually.

“Right,” Darcy said. She gave a little smile, knowing she wouldn’t get any answers.

She thought about bringing it up with Maria again, but she was already dealing with so much. It could wait. The security of the school wouldn’t be compromised on the performance nights, since there were meant to be volunteer ushers and plenty of adults milling around before and after.

-

During the final run through, all Darcy could think of was how Riley was probably going to do this professionally as an adult but she’d treat everyone like crap offstage.

She refused to let Tommy touch her during the entire performance. He only had two scenes with her, but she made it clear that he was beneath dirt when she slipped out of character to complain.

“You don’t have to twirl around together, but at least let him move closer –” Wanda said, but Riley shot daggers her way, folding her arms.

“No.”

“Fine,” Wanda said, giving in faster than usual. She rubbed her eyes. “Keep going.”

Darcy watched as Alice was greeted and told to sit instead of being guided by the Mad Hatter. Darcy glanced Wanda’s way.

“I need a fucking _drink_ ,” Wanda whispered. Darcy rubbed her shoulder.

Wanda lost her temper moments later.

“Let him pass you the tea cup, Riley, for crying out –”

“My mom said if I feel unsafe, I should call her,” Riley retorted.

“You’re making _me_ feel unsafe, Riley,” Wanda threw back. “I think I’m losing it. I mean, it might actually be happening right now.”

A couple of the kids backstage exchanged glances and Darcy cleared her throat.

“Maybe we should move on.”

“Fine,” Wanda said again.

When they were packing up for the night, Wanda kept shaking her head.

“It’s clunky. Riley’s driving me nuts,” she muttered. “I know it’s just middle school, but I care about doing a good job. And Riley shouldn’t be allowed to talk to me like that, threatening her mom and shit like that…”

“I feel for Tommy,” Darcy said, and Wanda nodded. “I can’t believe I’m on _his_ side, but it can’t be good for his self-esteem, Riley acting like he’s a leper.”

“He’s been on his best behavior with Bruce, too,” Wanda said. “He told me he’s been submitting assignments early, and last year he was always late or messing shit up in the classroom.”

They fell into step as they left the theater, and Wanda glanced over at Darcy’s car.

“You heading home straight away?”

“Yeah, sleepy,” Darcy lied.

Wanda nodded, but didn’t return her smile. Darcy immediately sensed something was off. Wanda glanced away, taking a deep breath.

“I came by,” she said, and Darcy felt her stomach drop. “A couple nights ago. Your landlady said you were out. I wanted to surprise you with a bottle of tequila…”

“I was out,” Darcy said, which was the truth. She was at Steve’s.

“You said you’d stayed home all weekend,” Wanda said.

They stared at one another, and Darcy knew she’d been caught. Wanda pressed her lips together, the silence between them heavy.

“If there’s something wrong, if there’s _anything_ wrong, you can tell me. You know you can tell me anything, right, Darcy?” she said, and Darcy nodded automatically.

She felt her face flush. “Sure.”

“Then I have to ask,” Wanda said, and Darcy swallowed. “Is there _anything_ you need to tell me?”

Darcy’s heart had begun to hammer, and she knew she wasn’t like Riley. She couldn’t act her way out of this. She’d been decent at cover stories for the last few months, but maybe it was the stress of everything piling up making her mask slip.

She wanted to tell her. She wanted to tell Wanda that she’d met the loves of her life, and she was happier than she’d ever been, but so, so scared.

“No, there’s nothing,” Darcy said, ducking her eyes like a coward. “I swear.”

“Okay,” Wanda said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She walked off. She usually said she loved Darcy. She threw affection around like confetti, and Darcy knew she’d hurt her then, since she’d turned colder.

“Fuck,” she whispered, all alone with her eyes on her shoe.

She went straight to Bucky’s apartment, threw herself on the couch and closed her eyes for a couple minutes before Bucky came in, Alpine following.

“Heard you come in,” he murmured, ducking to kiss her forehead. “You okay?”

Darcy looked at Alpine, reaching to scratch behind his ears. Her heart felt heavy. She tried to smile up at Bucky, not showing her teeth.

“Tired.”

He kissed her cheek, running a thumb over her lower lip. Darcy’s eyes fell to something that stuck out of his pants above his belt.

“Is that a baby hammer or are you slightly displeased to see me?” Darcy murmured, and Bucky’s smile never left him, taking the hammer out and throwing it up and catching it.

“Uh, it’s a baby hammer.”

“Are you gonna make me something?” she asked, and he shrugged a shoulder.

“I have no real plans.”

She gave a bigger smile, meaning it this time, and he leaned down to kiss her on the lips, before tapping her forehead once with the hammer.

“See you later, baby,” he said.

He had a habit of leaving her to do work while he went to fix or alter some of the junk he’d got for his birthday. He’d go out on his balcony and be tapping away or sanding something while Darcy sewed or went over literacy lesson plans.

Steve arrived later, sighing as he walked through the door. Alpine sprung up and raced over, while Darcy was still slumped on the couch, scrolling through her phone.

“At least you’re happy to see me,” she heard Steve mutter, and she shot up from her seat.

“You know what? Fuck you,” she snapped.

Steve’s eyes widened and he immediately tensed, all humor gone, a frown appearing on his handsome features that made Darcy’s stomach twist.

“No need for that.”

“I’m not fucking _five years-old_ , you can’t talk to me like that!” Darcy snarled, her hands up. “I’m grinding through this crap, I drag myself up here –”

“I didn’t say that at all, I’m just –”

“I’m not a child!” Darcy cut in. “You can’t boss me around because you’re still teacher mode.”

Steve took a second, glancing away and blinking a few times as if to gather himself. It all happened so quickly, Darcy had barely registered what she’d said until Steve stared back at her again, his face relaxing, his shoulders slumping a little.

Darcy’s mouth fell open.

“I am so sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s okay,” Steve said, and she shook her head, moving toward him, pulling him into a hug he returned automatically, his arms wrapping around her waist.

“It’s not okay, I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t even say hello when you walked in, I was like a zombie.”

“You’re tired –”

“Stop it, stop it,” Darcy hissed, and she was kissing his face. “I’m an asshole, and I’m taking everything out on you. This school is…”

She’d begun to cry and hadn’t realized it, not until her words were sticking in her throat and Steve was clutching her face, shaking his head at her.

“It’s okay…”

“No, it’s not,” Darcy babbled, hot tears falling down. “This school is gonna break me.”

“But the Stark Foundation,” Steve said, shaking his head. “And you’re the smartest person I ever met.”

“That can’t be true,” Darcy muttered, sniffling.

“I should be tellin’ ya that every day,” he said, kissing her face. “And I’m so proud of you.”

“What did I do to _deserve_ you?” Darcy wailed, and she crumbled, sobbing as Steve gave her another tight embrace, stroking her hair.

“Hey, hey…”

He tried to soothe her, but the words came tumbling out of her, how she wished she could tell Wanda, tell anyone. She even admitted to the shame she felt for lying to her face that afternoon.

“Honesty is the best policy,” Darcy mumbled, her voice thick with tears. “Fuck, it’s my only policy usually. I don’t want to be like… like my dad or Ian –”

“You’re neither of those people –”

“How can you stand it?” she snapped, and Steve blinked at her, his throat bobbing.

“I…”

Darcy had suspected as much that he felt the same way as her, trapped and alienated by love. So fulfilled and yet not quite settled. She knew he was proud of who he was on the weekends, it was just working at the school that forced him to lie and hide away.

“What’s goin’ on?”

It was Bucky, coming in, his brows knit with concern.

“I want to tell Wanda,” Darcy said, sniffing. “I lied to her face today. She asked me if there was anything I was keeping from her –”

“You can’t tell her,” Bucky cut in. His jaw ticked. “You know you can’t.”

“This is so stupid,” she groaned. “Why can’t you work somewhere _else_? Do you like it?”

“Like what?” Bucky muttered.

She couldn’t read the look on his face, but she knew it was nothing good. He wasn’t warm like before, and he wasn’t blinking a lot when he look down at her.

“The work you do,” she said. “Your job.”

He looked at Steve, and then back at Darcy, his voice flat as he said:

“No. No, I don’t.”

Darcy ducked her eyes to the floor. Of course he didn’t. It was a stupid question to ask. Not many people would enjoy being bossed around and made to feel unwelcome. No one would be comfortable with feeling like their life was in constant jeopardy.

“But that’s life, ain’t it?” he added, and her eyes snapped to his. “You want my permission to tell people? You wanna put out a newsletter?”

Darcy didn’t say word, but Steve spoke up.

“Don’t, Buck.”

“Nah, she wants to blab,” he snapped. “Don’tcha?”

Darcy swallowed. Bucky’s lip curled.

“I don’t know why the fuck it took you this long to figure out I’m an asshole, but I am. Steve had to beg for my job, and then I smacked Annabeth –”

“That was an accident,” Steve cut in, but Bucky was on a roll.

“- and now we’ve got another whole person wrapped up in my bullshit, trying to carry the burden -”

Darcy didn’t expect to hear Steve yell above him:

“JUST ACCEPT IT, ALRIGHT?!”

She jumped at the sound, her eyes swinging to Steve’s face as he kept going.

“We love you, _no matter what_. I am tired of this crap. I just want to love you. That’s all I ever wanted, even when we were kids,” he said, and Darcy could see his eyes were shining. “Darcy’s hurtin’ because she wants to tell people she’s with us, not because she’s ashamed of us.”

Darcy nodded. “That’s true.”

Bucky glared at her. “You got no idea –”

“I have no idea what this is like? Have I not spent enough time with you to know you? I’ve seen you in a bad place, and that never scared me, not even when we first met.”

Bucky looked at Steve. “Ain’t she your missin’ piece? Didn’t you say that to me the other day?”

Steve sighed. “Buck. I want you _both_.”

“If you didn’t work at Sacred Heart, then maybe we’d have a chance not dealing with any of the bullshit that comes with parents or teachers judging us, Buck,” Darcy said. She narrowed her eyes at Bucky. “And I am not choosing either of you. It’s _everything_ or nothing.”

She stepped back, taking a few long breaths as the silence fell between them.

“We can’t live like this,” she murmured, picking up her hair to twist it into a bun. She secured it with a hair tie and wiped a few stray tears away. “I can’t live like this much longer.”

“Do you want my kids?” Bucky said, when she bent to get her bag.

She stopped, staring back at him.

“Cause you never answered me when I asked last time,” he said.

“Yes,” she said. “Yes, and Steve’s.”

“You’ve known us less than a year,” Bucky said, sounding disbelieving.

“You asked me, and I don’t lie to you,” Darcy said, her voice smaller.

She was so tired. She knew she’d need to leave or the fight would just go on and on with no end in sight. She hitched her bag over her shoulder.

“And you said you wanted me to have _your_ kids,” she added. She swallowed. “I should sleep.”

Bucky reacted exactly as she expected, with an apologetic look in his eye, his face changing to scared and sad. Darcy moved toward him.

“I’m not mad. I’m tired,” she murmured. She kissed his lips. “I need to rest.”

She moved toward Steve, kissing him as well.

She walked out. She drove home without remembering the trip. As she sat in her car outside her apartment building, she burst into tears, putting her face in her hands.

She didn’t want to keep fighting with Bucky, because every time it happened, nothing changed. He wasn’t trying hard enough and she didn’t know how to tell him without him spiraling. She didn’t know what to do with the helplessness. She knew now what Steve used to go through alone. He probably fought about living together for years, nothing moving forward.

Did Bucky even consider her his girlfriend?

She took out her phone, sniffling. She scrolled through her contacts and pressed the call button.

Jane picked up after five rings, but it felt longer, as Darcy’s eyes stared at the center of her steering wheel as she waited.

“Hey, what’s up? How’s the – what’s it called? You were gonna get that backdrop sheet for the kids to use as the ocean last time we talked –”

Darcy cleared her throat. “It’s a front cloth. We were gonna use blue sheets for the ocean when Alice nearly drowns and then double it as a front cloth. It’s, uh, to hide scene changes. Everything keeps going on and the audience has no idea what's happened..."

Her chest ached.

“Jane…”

“What, what is it?”

There was dread in her tone. Darcy’s chin began to quiver as she drew a shaky breath.

“What I’m about to tell you, you can’t tell anyone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part's angsty, but things get better. But first, it has to get worse! ¡Dios mío!
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw%22)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	47. Part Forty Seven: Down The Rabbit Hole

_I've got no space_  
 _And you've got no time_  
 _If we jump up and down together_  
 _Maybe we'll be fine_  
 _But I know, I know, I know it aches_  
 _I know, I know, I know it aches_  
 _And I know, I know, I know it aches_  
 _And I know, I know you can't explain it_  
\- **"Never Start" by Middle Kids**

_I'm glad I came here with your pound of flesh_  
 _No second billing 'cause you're a star now_  
 _Oh, Cinderella, they aren't sluts like you_  
 _Beautiful garbage, beautiful dresses_  
 _Can you stand up or will you just fall down?_  
\- **"Celebrity Skin" by Hole**

**Part Forty Seven:**

**Down The Rabbit Hole**

**SPRING SEMESTER**

Darcy’s hands were pressing Bucky’s chest as she rolled her hips, her eyes glued to his.

It was the following afternoon, when she’d spent the last several hours fretting over the play, the library, her place at the school, and her place between Steve and Bucky. She felt as though she belonged, but she knew something had shifted since their argument yesterday.

She and Bucky were alone, and she took full advantage of that, taking her time with him as he filled her to the brim, her heart squeezing deep in her chest as she rode him with the sweat running down her bare chest and back.

He was either staring too intently, like he could see every pore, or he was avoiding her gaze entirely by squeezing his eyes shut, or glancing away at the ceiling.

“Look at me,” she whispered, and then he did, Darcy’s pace increasing.

His fingers dug into her thighs on either side of his hips and Darcy could feel she was close, and he was, too, his breath becoming ragged.

She’d thought things she hadn’t meant to over the last day. She considered what Bucky wanted from her, if he wasn’t willing to do what she wanted, to move forward as the three of them. Because she had to acknowledge it, at least to her own mind, that he was going against what she wanted – a stable, spoken about relationship. Or, he could at least let the conversation run its course, instead of trying to shut it down, or shut her out. He didn’t even want to reach a compromise.

Maybe Darcy was just a little detour, and he’d choose Steve because he’d grown up with him. Maybe he was regretting taking it this far, and maybe he should have left her alone with Steve instead. Maybe this was all she was good for, being used as a vessel for his pleasure.

She felt desperate to come, because if she didn’t come soon she’d cry, so she shut her own eyes and gave into her urge to dictate it all, when what she really wanted was for Bucky to curl around her and kiss her breathless. She wanted lovemaking and needy embraces. She wanted to _feel_ needed.

She clutched him inside, squeezing and slackening as she rocked back and forth, feeling wrung out. She heard Bucky grunt and she blinked back reality, watching him come undone with his eyes elsewhere. She waited until he was done to flop down beside him, their shoulders brushing.

She didn’t want to fight. She felt as if starting another argument would be useless. Everything felt aimless and endless, and she needed to step back. She couldn’t follow him down another spiral when he wasn’t trying to listen to her.

“You fuck Steve sometimes like that?” he asked, and she bit back a scoff.

She hadn’t expected jealousy from him today. She supposed she’d stayed a little too naïve despite everything. She licked her lips.

“You fuck Steve sometimes like that?” she echoed, when she knew the answer was yes.

He was silent, and she regretted it, thinking of him putting another layer over him to hide from her. She let her eyes roll to meet his, and he blinked at her.

She didn’t speak so they wouldn’t fight. She knew Bucky was doing the same. She moved to sit up, staring at her clothes on her side of his bed in a pile on the floor, and she got up, gathering everything as she walked out and into the bathroom.

Every part of her wished to speak, and yet she couldn’t. She was afraid to, as if she’d only cause more harm if she was honest.

 _This isn’t good enough_ , came a thought. She’d had it about Ian many times before and ignored it. She shut her eyes as she washed her hands in the sink, trying to focus on the running water and not the way her stomach was turning into knots.

And what about Steve? He must have had these thoughts many times over. Hours of his life – the reality was years, it was simply _years_ – worrying and caring for him and being pushed away. Darcy knew she didn’t have the same mettle as Steve. He was brave and empathic. His love was pure, and Darcy’s was bruised.

She kept circling back over the same feeling, and she knew it was shame the longer she spent alone in Bucky’s bathroom and not in his arms. She chose to push past it, because she’d only end up fucking him instead of talking, and she didn’t any more emptiness.

She went back to his room to say goodbye, but saw he was rolled on his side, his face hidden instead of his eyes meeting hers like they always did when she walked into any room he was in. He’d been so drawn to her, and now she could see he was pretending to sleep.

“I’m going, Buck,” she murmured. She waited a few moments but got no response. She bit her lip. “I love you.”

She walked out, managing to almost collide with Steve on the steps, and his face fell when he recognized her.

“Darce –”

“I’m going home, I can’t stay,” she said, taking his hand to squeeze it.

Standing in the stairwell together, their voices echoing, she didn’t like speaking to him outside of the bubble they meant to share with Bucky.

“I, uh,” she began, and Steve rose a hand to touch her face, a tender gesture that made her want to run back into the fold. “I told Jane about us.”

“Oh,” Steve murmured. “I’m –”

“Are you mad?”

“God, no,” he said. He even smiled a little, a muted one. “I’m happy you told her.”

He pulled her into a kiss and she sighed, her hand gripping his flannel shirt. Steve pulled back with a soft smack of their lips.

“Go to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered, and she nodded.

He was giving her permission to choose herself. She bit her lip.

“I love you like crazy, you know that, right?” she whispered back, and he nodded.

“I mean, I have some idea.”

He was trying to make her smile, and the one she gave him was forced. He kissed her forehead.

“Go. He’ll be okay.”

“What about you?” she murmured, and he shook his head.

“Go.”

She moved away. She turned her head so she didn’t see him anymore and began to jog down the rest of the stairs, not stopping until she reached her car.

When she got home, she sent Bucky a text.

**_I told Jane_ **

She half-assed dinner and ate handfuls of dry cereal, sipping a glass of chardonnay from a coffee mug she didn’t rinse properly. Bucky left her on read for an hour before he replied.

**_Okay_ **

Darcy drew in a deep sigh. She fired back:

**_I need you to tell me you trust me. I need that from you._ **

He replied much quicker, to her relief.

**_I always trusted you._ **

-

Darcy’s Wednesday flew by. All she could think of was everything that could go wrong. She knew the kids would be fine with their performances, it was all the other shit that went with it that she was afraid of.

They’d sold out all three performances. Their opening night was meant to be filled with parents, friends and faculty members. Darcy stayed after school with no intention of going home before the seven-thirty performance, choosing to shower in the staff bathroom she’d never used before, reapplying makeup and trying to tame her frizz she could swear was stress-induced.

Wanda found her in the theater, carrying a bottle of champagne with a gold label. Darcy’s eyes bulged at it, standing up from her chair backstage as Wanda’s hand lay on her shoulder.

“Wanda –”

“Mazel tov, Darce,” she breathed, and Darcy pulled her into a tight hug.

She didn’t want to let go. She felt so bad about lying to her yesterday, and she hadn’t had a moment alone with her since. When she pulled back, Wanda’s smile faded.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I think I’m the one who’s cracking up now,” she babbled, feeling her chin quiver. She covered it with one hand. “Y’know, I don’t want Annabeth or her friends to see this fuck up –”

“We’ve done what we can. The kids know what they do. The stage hands are arriving any minute now,” Wanda murmured, squeezing Darcy’s shoulder. “Did you have dinner?”

Darcy shook her head. “Too nervous.”

“We’ll get Steeb or someone to bring us takeout,” Wanda said. “It’ll be fine. We’ve done an amazing job already. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

Darcy bit her lip, nodding.

“Okay. Maybe I need tequila.”

Wanda began to laugh and Darcy joined her. She was handed the bottle of Moët & Chandon and she shook her head at Wanda.

“It’s too much…”

“No, it’s not. It’s a gift,” Wanda chided. “We’ll open it when everyone goes home.”

There was an echo of footsteps, a door opening, and Wanda’s voice dropped to a whisper.

“Cheer up.”

“Wanda –”

Darcy meant to say something else, something more substantial, like how she was sorry and she hoped to make it up to her, being dishonest for so long. She spotted the familiar face of J.J. wearing head-to-toe black clothes and an excited smile and she snapped out of it, smiling back at her.

“You ready?”

-

Darcy looked for Steve and Bucky in the audience during the first act, feeling her heart in her throat, and then there was immense relief, spotting both of them at the very back of the audience.

It was like the nativity play, except Darcy wasn’t going to end up crying alone like she did on that night. After this, she was going to sort everything out with Bucky.

She had to, especially when he sent the text earlier:

**_Do you still want me there tonight?_ **

She could feel his guilt from miles away, and though she wanted to relieve it, she also wanted him to try harder. She could help him with that, and Steve could, too. She _wanted_ to be there for them both, in every way possible.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” came a voice.

Darcy’s head whipped toward Tommy, who was wearing his top hat that was bent out of shape, with his false nose and misshapen sports coat and beaten up boots.

“What?” Darcy said, and she turned away from the side of the stage, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Listen to me. Of course you can. Of course you can, Tommy.”

She hadn’t seen him like this before, genuinely anxious, paler than usual. She narrowed her eyes slightly at him.

“You got that, Rumlow?”

“Yeah.”

She winked at him and put her arm around him, watching Riley among the waves, crying her eyes out.

“Does it get easier?” Tommy asked, which caught her off-guard.

She glanced at him, scanning his face. He was watching Riley, looking sadder.

“What does?”

“ _Love_ ,” he murmured. He rolled his eyes.

“Oh, Tommy,” she whispered, rubbing his arm. “I promise you won’t be thirteen forever.”

She gave him a little push when it was his cue to burst onstage, and once he was out there and projecting his voice, Darcy was smiling at him, her eyes meeting Wanda’s across the stage.

She gave Darcy a thumbs-up.

 _“I love you,”_ she mouthed, and Darcy mouthed it back.

When Tommy’s scene was done, he raced back over and Darcy gave him her biggest smile.

“I told you! I told you!” she whispered, and he smiled back at her with a shyness she’d never seen on his face.

“I think I wanna take a breather, is that okay, Miss Lewis?” he said, and she nodded.

“Just be mindful of the time. Two minutes.”

He nodded and raced off.

Wanda and Darcy screamed and cheered with the rest of the crowd at the end of the performance. Riley seemed to move past her hostility with Tommy and held his hand as the cast bowed together. As the audience began to leave, the cast and crew were racing around backstage, colliding and screaming with one another in celebration.

Darcy was handed some flowers and Wanda got an identical bouquet, both of them unable to stop smiling. Darcy was so relieved they’d got through it all. Since they did it once, they knew they could do it twice more tomorrow and Friday…

“God,” Wanda whispered, pulling Darcy into a tight hug.

She pressed a kiss to Darcy’s lips and giggled, Darcy’s arm wrapping around her waist as they walked through the little crowd of cast and crew with their parents. Darcy felt like she did when she heard of the Stark Foundation donation, like the stars had aligned.

Darcy’s eyes fell to Clint, who she didn’t expect to see backstage, seeing his eyes were wide, and he was racing over.

Wanda smirked at him.

“Well, Coach, you’re a long way from the yard –”

Clint wasn’t playing along. He was holding a piece of hot pink paper, his eyes glued to Darcy.

“Darcy, you have to see this.”

“What?” Darcy said, and she was handed the paper. “What am I looking at?”

She glanced down, and for a few seconds, she truly couldn’t say what she was looking at. And then the shapes began to form, and she knew she was looking at three pictures, a collage of black ink on the pink paper.

From top to bottom, she could see it was three separate photos of herself, Steve and Bucky standing by her car in the staff parking lot.

“What is this?” she heard Wanda whisper.

She remembered what she’d said to Jane only two days ago.

_It’s a front cloth._

“Darcy, what is this?” Wanda said, a little louder, prompting her.

The first photo, the three of them together, smiling. It was the day the afternoon they snuck away to Concord, before they drove away from Sacred Heart to meet up together for the road trip.

The second photo was her kissing Bucky.

_It’s to hide scene changes._

The third photo was her kissing Steve.

_Everything keeps going on and the audience has no idea what's happened._

Darcy didn’t look up from the paper.

“Where’d you get this?” she asked, and she glanced up at Clint.

“They’re on the cars.”

“What?”

“They’re on the cars in the – _Darcy!”_

She took off, ignoring him, weaving through the families and then out the back exit. She raced toward the parking lot, seeing people standing around, and her face burned. Everyone was holding a pink piece of paper.

She tried to find them, Steve and Bucky. She skidded to a stop when she heard a distinct laugh to her left.

She felt something so profound that it propelled her the other direction, toward Annabeth.

It was wrath.

Annabeth and the Mom Squad surrounding her went silent as Darcy marched up to them, her heart racing. Annabeth’s lip curled and she dropped her hip.

“Annabeth, what is this?” she asked, holding up the pink paper she still held.

She was certain she’d creased it beyond repair.

“What _is_ this?” she said again, louder.

“We all found one on our cars,” said one of the moms.

Darcy was aware of other people watching them and listening. She couldn’t see them beyond Annabeth’s little space she occupied, poisoning Darcy’s vision around the edges with rage.

“You step me up,” she said.

“We all found one on our cars…”

Annabeth said nothing, her arms folding.

“Tell me this isn’t about Halloween, or Ava’s book,” Darcy said. She was surprised she was able to keep her tone even this long, because she had begun to shake all over. “Tell me this isn’t about the play –”

“Why? It’s not like you run this school,” Annabeth snapped, finally speaking. “We weren’t going to let you walk around acting like you own the place –”

“You…” Darcy whispered, shaking her head. Her eyes stung.

“You’re ridiculous,” Annabeth went on, ignoring her. “You’ve been here five minutes and you’re pretending to be someone you’re not –”

“I never did anything to damage the integrity of the school,” Darcy snapped. “I did my job. I’m good at my job.”

Annabeth’s eyes darted to someone behind Darcy, but Darcy’s eyes didn’t leave her face.

“Wanda, could you please escort her to her car?”

Darcy felt a hand on her arm and snatched it away.

“Tell me it’s not the Stark Foundation article,” she said.

Annabeth scoffed, glancing away, which only made Darcy smile, confirming it.

“I knew it, I knew you spray painted my car,” she hissed, and one of the moms looked confused.

“What is she talking about?”

“I did not graffiti your car, Darcy,” Annabeth said, sighing.

“I bet it killed you, me being named as an innovator for the school,” Darcy said, feeling herself smile of her own accord. “Because you’re right – I’ve been here five minutes, and I did that _so easily_.”

Annabeth closed her mouth, her jaw tensing as her eyes narrowed.

“Darcy,” Wanda murmured.

“I’ll go, I’ll go,” Darcy said.

She finally turned away, walking through the crowd. She heard overlapping murmurs, her ears ringing with it. She remembered she’d left her belongings behind, but Wanda was handing them to her, following her to her car.

“Did you hear what she said?” Wanda murmured, and Darcy shook her head, not looking her way. “Annabeth and her friends are saying Tommy did it.”

“He didn’t,” Darcy said, without hesitation. She didn’t know she’d react that way to the accusation, but there it was. She knew he didn’t do it.

“We should find Maria –”

“I need to find Steve and Bucky,” Darcy said, and Wanda grabbed her hand, to spot her reaching for her keys. Darcy looked at her finally.

There were dozens upon dozens of other sets of eyes also staring back at her.

_“Slut.”_

She didn’t turn toward the source. If she did, she’d find the culprit and then she wouldn’t be able to move again. She needed to leave as fast as possible, and find the men she loved just as quick.

“Darcy, why didn’t you tell me?” Wanda whispered.

“How could I?” Darcy said, feeling her throat start to close up. “I didn’t want you –”

“To judge you?” Wanda said, and Darcy nodded. “I wouldn’t have.”

Darcy’s face felt like it was on fire. She gave a brisk nod and took out her keys, unlocking her car and slipping into the driver’s seat.

Wanda spoke beyond the glass.

“I’ll find Maria and talk to her.”

Darcy stuck her keys in the ignition and started her car, the engine coming to life. She gave a cursory glance of her surroundings, reversed, and then sped away out of the parking lot.

She smacked her radio, trying to find a song. She turned it all the way up, until her chest vibrated with the bass of the screaming rock she blasted.

She wrapped herself in it, the cloak of sound, until she couldn’t hear Annabeth anymore, until she couldn’t remember anything she’d said, either.

She got to a traffic light and stopped, glancing over at her handbag and fished out her phone.

There was a text from Steve. He must have sent it during the play.

**_We love you like crazy._ **

And then one from Bucky sent a minute later:

**_Forever._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, everything just went kablewy... how are you doing today?
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw%22)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	48. Part Forty Eight: The Longest Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're ready... (also definitely **nsfw** )

_I could stare at your back all day_   
_I could stare at your back all day_   
_And I know I've kissed you before, but_   
_I didn't do it right_   
_Can I try again, try again, try again_   
_Try again, and again, and again_   
_And again, and again, and again_   
**\- "Pink in the Night" by Mitski**

**Part Forty Eight:**

**The Longest Night**

**SPRING SEMESTER**

The anger could only sustain Darcy for so long.

She rode for five minutes, the wind whipping her hair in her face as she blasted the radio with the windows down, before she felt everything begin to recede. It was replaced by a fresh worry, sharpening her senses once more, her eyes misting.

She pulled over, grabbing her phone to check if anyone had tried calling. She still had Bucky’s text message open.

**_Forever._ **

She dialed Bucky first, and as she predicted, he didn’t pick up. She tried Steve next, who picked up after the second ring, and there was a soft scuffling as he seemed to fumble his phone. Darcy had begun to shake, her chest tight.

“Sweetheart?”

“Is he with you?” she asked, her voice wobbling. “’Cause he’s not picking up when I try to call.”

She heard Steve give a long sigh. “Nah. He took off. I tried to follow him, but he managed to take a short cut and disappear.”

Darcy sucked in a breath and let it go shakily.

“So… so what do we do? Do we keep looking for him? What did he seem like?”

“Rough, Darce,” Steve murmured. “He just shut down.”

“Right, right,” she rasped, shaking her head a little at how dumb she must sound.

She hoped she wouldn’t start crying so soon but she was there already, her vision blurring with tears. She couldn’t keep the sound muffled, and she could hear Steve change on the other end, realizing that she’d broken down.

“Where are you? I’ll come find you,” he said, and she sniffled loudly, swiping at her eyes.

“Nowhere. I dunno. I’ll meet you at my place. I’ll keep calling him.”

She hung up, then redialed Bucky, and kept dialing him with the phone on speaker in the passenger’s seat as she drove with the windows wound up again, the radio turned back down. She glanced over at a minivan with a couple with a little baby in the backseat that kicked its little feet with a stuffed elephant clutched in its tiny fist.

She kept getting his Voicemail. She stopped at a red light and quickly mashed out the message:

**_Is it red?_ **

It was their code. If it was ‘red’, it meant he didn’t feel safe and he didn’t know how to calm down. It meant he was dissociating, physically present but nonetheless thousands of miles away from wherever he was.

There was no reply. She felt another surge of anger toward Annabeth, because this was exactly what she wanted, to damage Bucky irrevocably, to punish him for being different. If she’d seen the footage of the day they left for Concord, it meant she’d known about the three of them for weeks, and had saved it for this special night.

There was a new wave of guilt to follow, since Maria would be dealing with the first wave of parents. They’d be outraged that this went on at their child’s school. Darcy would be fired. Bucky would be fired. Steve would have to get another teaching job somewhere, with still more than two months left of the year.

Darcy had only just begun her career in the library field, and she’d fucked it all up, because she couldn’t keep her personal life and her job separate.

And Wanda. She’d lied to Wanda for months when she’d poured her heart out to her time and time again, bonding over Magda and Pietro. She’d lied to her on New Year’s Eve. She’d lied every day that she hadn’t told her about Steve and Bucky.

Darcy was beginning to understand the guilt and shame Steve must have felt when she confronted them the night of the Christmas pageant. He’d been so afraid, and rightly so.

Darcy’s only excuse was that they’re in love, and so she hadn’t been thinking clearly. She wasn’t ashamed of that – because their love made sense to her, it always had. She wouldn’t deny any of it if anyone asked her now. What was the point in lying? She didn’t want to hide anyway. She wanted to be free. Truth and love and _freedom_ weren’t supposed to be worth less than insanity.

She sped home, parking beside Steve’s car. She slammed her door shut and raced over to his car, opening the passenger’s side to slip in. Steve pulled her into a tight hug, his mouth a grim line.

“It wasn’t Tommy, it was Annabeth.”

“I know,” Steve murmured. His voice was rough. “We walked out together, Buck and me, with everyone leavin’. We saw her, and then we saw the flyers on the cars. I knew, with the look on her face. She was lookin’ right through me, like I was… _scum_ …”

He pulled back, swallowing. Darcy clutched his face, knowing she’d been spared some of the brunt of this cruelty. She hadn’t been outed, and although the photographs hadn’t shown Bucky and Steve kissing, there already was that rumor Darcy had heard about Steve being gay.

“Bucky just turned the other way, and I didn’t have a choice, I had to go –”

“I know,” Darcy said, cutting him off.

She hadn’t expected him to stay behind for her if Bucky ran off. She glanced behind him at her apartment building.

“You checked upstairs?”

“Yeah, Maureen told me to stop runnin’,” Steve muttered. “I guess I was making a racket…”

“I hate living here,” Darcy murmured, and she saw Steve’s lips quirk for a microsecond. “I think after tonight, I might not have a job to pay the bills with. Maybe I’ll have to crash at yours.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” Steve said, reaching to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “But I’d like to think Maria wouldn’t fire you over this.”

“She’d be under pressure,” Darcy countered. “I wouldn’t stick around if the atmosphere was hostile. What if a bunch of kids are withdrawn over the summer? We could get harassed.”

Steve sighed. “Yeah, these people like to think they’re open minded until they have to put it into practice… I dunno. I didn’t want to make you feel worse.”

Darcy took out her phone from her pocket and dialed Bucky again as Steve watched her.

“It’s just ringing and ringing…”

“Did he give you a color?” Steve asked, and Darcy shook her head.

Darcy’s heart leapt as she heard a scuffle through her phone, and she gripped Steve’s hand for support.

“Bucky! Baby, are you okay? Where are you?” she babbled. “We’re not mad, we just want to know where you are.”

His end was silent as Darcy strained to hear anything that could give her a clue of his whereabouts. She heard him draw in a breath.

“Buck, is it red? Are you okay?”

“It’s yellow, I need… I need space, I think,” he said.

He sounded tired, but not panicked. Darcy’s eyes met Steve’s.

“Where are you?”

“I need to think things over. I don’t wanna tell you,” he murmured.

Darcy felt her throat closing up, her eyes misting with fresh tears.

“Bucky, I’m begging you. Please tell me. I don’t want to leave you alone…”

The silence that followed was similar to what they’d shared the last time they shared a bed, and Darcy didn’t think she could take it anymore, the things she’d left unsaid.

“Bucky, I need you. I need both of you right now.”

“I’m not somewhere you’d think of, baby,” he murmured. “I love you. God, I love you so much, but I have some shit to figure out first, before I can see you –”

“ _Fuck that_. You want this to be over, you need to fucking talk to me. I’m seeing you tonight, whether you like it or not,” Darcy snapped. “I don’t care that you wanna keep running away from me. I fucking need you –”

Steve snatched the phone from her and she glared at him.

“Buck,” he said, his voice softer. “Please.”

Darcy couldn’t hear what was said on Bucky’s end, but she felt herself deflate as Steve’s face slackened and he swallowed, listening.

“Okay.”

He hung up, handing the phone back to her.

“That fucking – _jerk_ ,” she snarled, and she took hold of her door handle to burst back out.

She raced over to her car, Steve right behind her. She started the engine as Steve didn’t say a word. She got so far to put her seatbelt on before she dissolved into tears, slumping over her steering wheel.

Steve pulled her into another hug, wrapping his arms around her, stroking her hair.

“I’d die for him,” she whispered. “I would, I’d fucking _die_ for him…”

“I would, too, sweetheart,” Steve whispered. “Let’s go find him.”

-

They tried Bucky’s apartment, Steve’s place and the parks surrounding their buildings. Darcy kept calling Bucky but instead went straight to his Voicemail. He was shutting them both out, and she thought it could be the end, maybe this was enough to push him over the edge.

“God, where is he?” she whispered, standing with Steve in the park under a streetlight. She looked up at him. “What time is it?”

Steve checked his watch. “Almost eleven.”

They found his car, and Darcy scoured it for any clues. She could see Steve was beginning to panic, shaking as they kept peering around in the dark. Since it was the middle of the week, not many people were hanging around in the main streets, and most places were closing up for the night.

“Fuck,” Steve hissed, turning wretched. “What about the hospital?”

“Should we go to the police, too?” Darcy said.

Steve’s throat bobbed. “Maybe. He’s never been this… coherent before.”

Darcy thought of Christmas, and tonight felt so much worse. He seemed to choose isolating himself, a disturbing sign of something worse than dissociating involuntarily.

“What about school?” she asked, squeezing Steve’s hand. “Everyone would’ve gone home by now, he could be hiding in his shed.”

She sighed.

“Fuck, he said it _wasn’t_ somewhere I could think of,” she muttered. 

Steve screwed up his face, covering it with his spare hand. Darcy felt a sob bubble up and she did her best to squash it, gripping his hand hard, wiping her face fiercely.

She did one last scan around the park, listening to the crickets and Steve quietly sniffling. She looked toward the main road. There were the golden arches of a McDonald’s, and a green cross for a pharmacy in the distance. She stared.

“I know where he is.”

-

Sacred Heart’s parking lots were empty. There was still the sign directing the audience to the auditorium for the play. Some pink papers were strewn across the lawn and the gravel, and Darcy stepped over one of them, hand in hand with Steve.

They weaved their way through the main building, then out into the yard. Neither of them said a word, and Darcy held her breath as she placed her hand on the wooden door to the chapel.

She glanced up at Steve and he nodded, letting go of her as she went for the handle.

It opened, and Darcy stepped inside, her eyes falling to a figure in one of the pews.

Bucky stood, turning toward the sound of their arrival, and he let out a breath of a laugh, shaking his head.

“Fuck, you’re clever,” he said, as Darcy walked up to him with Steve in tow.

“It’s the last place you’d ever go,” Darcy said.

Bucky looked over at Steve, looking pained.

“Everyone knows,” he whispered, and Steve nodded.

“It probably spread like wildfire the second Darcy left. Wanda said she’d talk to Maria,” Steve murmured. “We can’t hide anymore.”

Bucky nodded, glancing away.

“Yeah, I figured.”

Darcy’s eyes wandered around, at the stained glass windows and bible quotes hung on tapestries. She moved past Bucky, walking up to the podium and glancing down at the Bible that lay open.

“This place is very beautiful,” she admitted.

She spotted a bleeding Jesus on the cross and her brows rose.

“Not really my style, though,” she added. “Especially the whole sinning thing. Never been a fan of being told I have to feel guilty.”

“Me, neither,” Steve said. He looked at Bucky.

Bucky was watching Darcy, and she could see he didn’t seem distressed. She’d expected him to be out of his mind, panting for breath as he shook all over. She’d seen him have flashbacks and panic attacks several times now, all of them disturbing to watch.

He seemed bizarrely calm.

“What happens now?” she asked, walking back down. She got to Bucky’s side and folded her arms. “Why’d you need the chapel to have a think? I thought you didn’t believe in any of this shit.”

“I never said I don’t believe in God,” Bucky said, which surprised her.

Her lips parted and she exchanged a glance with Steve.

Bucky pushed off from the pew, shrugging.

“Not His biggest fan. Don’t approve of all the shit that comes with it,” he went on. He licked his lips, locking eyes with Darcy. “But without Him, I wouldn’t have either of ya.”

“That doesn’t answer my question –”

Darcy cut herself off abruptly as Bucky dug a hand into his pocket.

“You wanna get married?” he said, his eyes not meeting hers.

“Who?” Steve said. “You and Darce, or me and you, or -?”

“All of us,” Bucky said, and he took out three little rings.

Darcy stared, her mouth gaping at what Bucky must have made himself, since they seemed to be made up of twine tied with a tiny knot.

“I needed time to think, but I’ve… I’ve had these a little while,” Bucky murmured.

He looked at Steve, whose eyes had gone wide like Darcy’s.

“I don’t care about the legal shit,” Bucky said. “But the three of us, that’s what matters. That’s what I want, if that’s what… if that’s what you want, too.”

“Yeah,” Steve breathed. Then he broke into a smile, and Darcy’s stomach flipped.

Bucky turned to Darcy.

“I’m sorry it ain’t a diamond,” he said, his smile hesitant.

Darcy managed to connect her brain to her mouth finally, stammering.

“A-Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I want you forever. Will you marry me?”

She looked down at the three little rings, her eyes smarting.

“I need you,” he said. “Because I wanna get it right. I need you to need me. I wanna take care of you.”

“Bucky,” Darcy whispered.

“Is that a ‘yes’?”

“Yes…”

Darcy launched herself at him and he caught her, as she kissed him hard. She reached out for Steve to draw him closer, kissing him next.

“I was gonna come find you,” Bucky said. His eyes were shining. “I was gonna ask you somewhere else, but…”

Steve kissed him, and the tenderness of it made Darcy let out a soft, wet laugh. When they broke apart, they put on the rings. Darcy stared down at her hand, unable to keep the smile from her face.

-

They returned to Bucky’s place.

Darcy moved on instinct, without hesitation. There was never a moment that she wasn’t touched, her bag placed on the kitchen counter as they moved through the apartment, Bucky’s hand on her elbow and pulling her along.

Alpine was kicked out of the bedroom as clothes were tugged away, and kisses grew clumsy, landing in any place that Darcy could reach.

She couldn’t keep the desperation masked. She was afraid of tomorrow, but this was now, and she was safe her and so, so loved. And she loved them both just as fiercely in return, so eager to watch their faces as she stroked and rubbed…

The three of them together, they lay on their sides, Darcy between the two men as they shared kisses, hands wandering over bare skin.

“I want you,” Darcy gasped, her eyes widening when Steve reached between her legs to stroke her open. “I want you both, I can’t wait…”

Bucky was inside her first, Steve’s lips on the back of her neck as his eyes were glued to Bucky’s, Darcy’s thigh hitched over Bucky’s hip.

Darcy’s breath caught in her throat as Bucky began to rock into her, gathering speed as she watched Bucky’s face. Steve bit down on her throat and she shivered, pushing back against Steve.

“Steve…”

“Mmm?”

She managed to reach behind her to stroke him and he pressed into her palm, nuzzling her skin and cupping her breast, rolling it as he moaned.

She was trying to lead him into her, and he chuckled, realizing her intention.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, just… just go slow,” Darcy whispered, feeling her face burn.

Bucky’s eyes changed when he’d understood, his pace quickening.

“You want Steve fucking you at the same time?” he said, and Darcy nodded.

It might actually break her brain. There were worse ways to go. She just hoped her obituary would omit her cause of death. She thought of Jane’s comment one day months ago about being ‘dicked down too much’ and began to laugh.

“We should call you Giggles,” Steve whispered, and she moaned at the sudden sensation of his slicked up finger rubbing between her ass cheeks. “Right, Buck? Our little wife’s called Giggles?”

“Sure,” Bucky whispered, his mouth spreading into a wide smile, bearing down on her and drawing out another moan.

Bucky went still as Steve began to tease her hole, pushing two fingers inside her slowly, watching her face as Darcy let out a low, long moan.

It burned, a depth to the sensation that teetered the line of pleasure and pain. Darcy hadn’t done this in a while, but Steve had enjoyed kissing her down there with his capable mouth more than once.

“I’m…” she whimpered. “I want it, do it.”

Bucky gripped her jaw as Steve wrapped a hand around his slicked cock and began to push the very tip of him past her tight ring. She took deep breaths, closing her eyes as she felt almost impossibly stretched.

It was hard to say where Darcy ended and where Steve and Bucky began. They kept still for several moments as Darcy oriented herself, her hand on Steve’s hip behind her with Bucky already buried inside her to the hilt.

“Someone move,” she whispered. “Someone… fucking… _move_ …”

Steve shifted ever so slightly back and then forward further than before, and Darcy let out a long ‘oh’, as Steve grunted.

“You okay?” Bucky asked, and Darcy’s eyes fluttered open as she nodded. “You sure?”

“I’m an ideas woman, and I can do… _anything_ ,” Darcy whispered. “Hhh-nnn….”

“You sure can,” Steve whispered. “ _Fuck_ …”

Bucky began to move out of time with Steve, his eyes widening.

“I can feel… fuck, I can feel ya, Stevie,” he gasped, and Darcy grinned at him dreamily, feeling goosebumps break out all over her skin with the shift of their bodies consuming her.

The kisses grew sloppy, mouths never closing as they began to pant together, everything turning hot and sweaty. Darcy could feel she was damp all over, her forehead sweat trickling down as she dripped all over the sheets. She craned her neck to see Steve’s face as he began to move faster, her frantic words egging him on.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, keep going, keep going…”

“I’m gonna come,” Bucky gasped, and he crowded her to kiss her on the mouth, their tongues tangling as Steve’s hand snaked down to pinch her clit.

“You first,” Steve whispered to her, and Bucky nodded. “Come for me.”

“Come for me,” Bucky echoed.

Darcy could only feel everything all over, fighting the urge to curl in on herself. It was almost too much, each greedy drag making her cry out, her voice growing louder as she climbed.

She sobbed when she came, clenching on them both, and she heard Bucky crash a few seconds later, her ears ringing as Steve followed with his hips slamming into her ass.

She was light-headed, blinking back the bedroom as they panted, sticky and boneless, the three of them still joined.

“I’m gonna pass out,” Darcy whispered.

-

She was peeled from the mattress, Steve helping her into the shower as Bucky lay in bed on his back, dozing. Darcy turned to Steve at the last second as she was about to step under the water.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded, cupping her face and kissing her deeply, pulling back with a smile.

“I couldn’t do this without you,” he whispered. “None of it.”

-

Scrubbed clean with her knees feeling weak, Darcy opened up her laptop and connected her camera with the cord she’d attached to the USB port. She clicked on the folder that appeared, shifting on her knees on the couch, wearing Bucky’s Henley and no pants.

She selected that day’s footage. She pressed play as she reached out to Alpine, who’d decided to make an appearance.

It was after 1AM now but Darcy was wide awake. She knew she wouldn’t sleep before checking her dash cams. She had already emailed Maria about meeting her tomorrow morning. Wanda had only messaged her about covering for the returns and borrowing tomorrow, with no real news about their boss.

She scooped up Alpine and kissed his head as she skipped through the footage until nightfall. She watched as the crowd began to gather outside the theater.

“Come on…”

She paused when she saw movement, squinting. Her camera could only pick up so much in the distance. She thought about the other angle, but before she turned over to another folder, she spotted Lois walking past the car.

Darcy sped through a couple minutes, and sure enough the pink flyer was placed under her windshield wiper by Flo.

She paused it, sitting back and looking down at Alpine as he purred.

“Time to make a comeback, bud,” she whispered.

Darcy returned to their bed, carefully climbing over limbs to reach the middle, both men stirring as her weight dipped the mattress. Darcy pulled the blanket over her, arms wrapping around her. 

"All good?" Bucky murmured. 

She felt Steve's lips on her neck, pressing a slow kiss into her skin. 

"Yeah. I think it's all okay," she whispered. "I hope I can get to sleep."

"What about a bedtime story?" Bucky whispered. 

"Of what?" 

"The story of us," Steve said with a yawn. 

Darcy could just make out his eyes in the dark as she pushed back his hair, smiling at him. 

"Okay, but no talking while I tell the story," Darcy said. "Them's the rules..."

She blinked up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath.

"There once was a girl who loved books."

"She sounds cute," Bucky murmured.

"Shh," she said, giggling. "She got her heart broken by her dumbass boyfriend and went to a school that was falling to pieces. She met two men, and they were in love. It was a secret. They were both soldiers."

She kissed Bucky's forehead.

"One of them got hurt, a long time ago. They only had each other. The girl didn't know if she could be with them, because she was afraid. She thought maybe she wasn't enough..."

She felt her eyes sting.

"But she made them happy. She knew she'd never have to be alone again, because..."

She felt a tear trickle down and she was kissed on either side of her face.

"Because that's where she belonged. Between the two of them, always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw%22)   
>  [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	49. Part Forty Nine: The Comeback Kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😉

  
_The whole school is rolling fake dice_   
_You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes_   
_It's you and me_   
_There's nothing like this_   
**\- "Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince" by Taylor Swift**

_I know you tried so hard, but you can't even win_   
_You gotta try a little harder, you're the comeback kid_   
_I know you tried so hard, but you can't even win_   
_You gotta try a little harder, you're the comeback kid_   
**\- "The Comeback Kid" by Sleigh Bells**

**Part Forty Nine:**

**The Comeback Kid**

**SPRING SEMESTER**

Darcy’s whole body felt heavy. She wasn’t used to sleeping like this during the week, everything so broken. When she finally lifted her head from the pillow she shared with Bucky, she squinted at the sight of the bedroom.

It was lighter than she was used to waking up to, and she rubbed her eye with one hand as she stretched and groaned.

“What time is it?” she mumbled.

“After eight,” Steve replied, and she rolled over to him, seeing he was wide awake.

She only woke after eight on weekends, after waking up at 6 or even earlier. She reached to stroke Steve’s cheek, hearing Bucky yawn on her other side.

“Last night happened, right?” Steve murmured, and she pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Yes,” she replied. “And we’re gonna be fine.”

She knew it was going to be a struggle to get there, and she could see in Steve’s eyes that he was thinking the same thing, but she gave a little smile.

She’d already emailed Maria about meeting her that morning. She also arranged for a few people to cover her library duties, since showing her face at Sacred Heart during school drop-off and pick-up times may stir up more trouble than it was worth. Arriving after the first bell and leaving before too many people noticed was probably the best idea she had.

“Stevie’s feelin’ rotten ‘cause he never takes time off,” Bucky mumbled, turning over and squeezing Darcy’s hip as he pressed a kiss to her cheek as he leaned against her back.

“I wouldn’t be showing my face if I were you,” Darcy murmured, rubbing Steve’s cheek with her thumb. “Which is a shame, it's such a pretty face.”

She moved him by the chin to the side and he smiled at her as Darcy gave a little gasp.

“That _jawline_. Fucking kills me.”

Steve chuckled, moving to kiss Darcy’s palm, his hand covering hers.

“You need me to drive you?”

Darcy knew it was his way of trying to help. He liked being useful. She knew it was painful for him to take a step back for his own sake. She didn’t want him risking his own wellbeing because he was worried about a couple days of substitutes taking his place.

“Okay. I’ll put on some coffee and get ready…”

“No, I’ll do coffee,” Bucky said, slipping away and picking up his underwear off the floor.

He took off and Darcy glanced at Steve, her eyebrows raised.

“You don’t gotta lift a finger today, alright?” Bucky called from down the hallway.

Darcy felt her stomach flutter and she called back:

“Okay! I’m open to that!”

Steve smiled and kissed her properly, cuddling her as they listened out to Bucky feeding Alpine and fixing a pot of coffee. She eventually sat up when Bucky returned with a steaming mug, handing it to her as she pulled on her discarded bra.

She borrowed a shirt from Bucky’s drawer and pulled on a pair of jeans she’d left behind last weekend, walking into the bathroom to assess her face.

She saw a little mark on her neck and recognised it was a hickey, not remembering when it happened.

“Steve!” she called, craning her neck in the mirror. “When’d you do this?”

He appeared in the door way, pulling on a shirt and scrubbing a hand through his hair.

“That ain’t me,” he said, as Darcy pointed to the purple smudge on her neck.

“You’re telling me Buck did that?”

Steve’s brows lifted as he went to the toilet and lifted the seat to pee. Darcy frowned at herself in the mirror, before deciding she didn’t care if anyone saw it. It wasn’t that obvious, and she didn’t regret it anyway.

The nerves began to set in as she sat with her mug of coffee and a piece of toast, nibbling it without tasting her food, staring at the wall as she thought about last night again. It didn’t help that she’d kept one of the pink posters, plucking it from Bucky’s truck when they found it last night. The crumpled paper sat on the table beside her plate.

“I’m throwin’ this out,” Steve said suddenly, breaking the long silence between the three of them.

Darcy watched as he grabbed it, tearing it as he shoved it in a pile of recyclables, folding his arms when he was done, staring down at it.

“Why’d she do it?” Darcy said, and Steve’s eyes snapped to hers.

“What?”

“Annabeth,” she murmured, chewing. “I know she hates me, for whatever fucking reason… but bringing you two into this –”

“She’s in love with Steve,” Bucky grunted.

Darcy’s eyes bulged and she glanced at Steve.

“That’s not… I’m sure she –” Steve began, and Bucky cut him off, speaking to Darcy.

“She made a pass at him two years ago and she never forgave him.”

Steve let out a half-laugh, sounding unconvinced. Bucky shot him a look.

“What? I know you think I’m jealous of everyone, because I think everyone wants you –”

“You’re not wrong, baby,” Darcy murmured, and Steve scoffed louder.

“See? I can be right and I can be jealous at the same time,” Bucky said. “And ever since she saw how close we were, before Darcy got here, she’d always had it out for me…”

“That’s insane,” Steve said.

“You’re not very bright, are you, honey?” Darcy murmured. “Thank God for me, right? You can be my trophy husbands while I clean up this mess.”

“What are you gonna do?” Steve asked, the atmosphere changing instantly.

“I’m gonna be super petty and dramatic, like always,” Darcy said, folding her arms.

She felt her guts twist as she said this, but she wasn’t backing down. Annabeth decided to hurt Steve and Bucky, and there was no way she was laying down and taking it.

“If I get fired –”

Steve looked like he meant to interject, but Darcy rose a finger.

“ _If I get fired_ , this is my choice,” she said. She looked at Bucky. “Okay?”

There were a few seconds of silence and Bucky’s eyes swung to Steve’s, their exchange wordless.

“Yeah, we’re with you, sweetheart,” Steve said, and Bucky leaned over to squeeze her knee.

Darcy sat in the backseat, Bucky and Steve in the front. Bucky kept turning around in his seat to hold her hand or look at her. Steve drove, his eyes meeting hers in the rear view mirror every so often.

Her heart hammered in her chest at a sickening pace, but she tried to remain calm, taking deep breaths she held before letting go.

“When did she make the pass?”

“Christmas,” Bucky said instantly, as if the conversation had never ended. “Two years ago.”

It was the Christmas party Steve got drunk at and danced, according to Wanda and everyone else. Darcy’s eyes met Steve’s in the mirror.

“But you don’t remember?”

He shook his head, saying nothing.

Bucky didn’t look amused by the story as he recounted:

“She’d been dropping hints for weeks, and then I saw her try to kiss him –”

“It wasn’t like, a mistletoe thing?” Darcy said, and Bucky shot her a look. “Alright. Noted.”

“She patted his ass, too,” Bucky murmured, and Darcy’s eyes widened.

“No!”

Darcy felt a burst of pride that someone like Annabeth hadn’t managed to bully her way into something with Steve. She was good-looking, in a Maude Flanders type of way, but everything was too hypocritically conservative for Darcy’s own taste.

Darcy sat back, staring out the window at the streets they drove through. No wonder Annabeth despised Bucky, Wanda and herself. They’d all been so close to Steve.

“She must think you don’t remember it,” Darcy murmured to Steve.

“I guess not,” he replied. “And I really don’t.”

-

Darcy stepped out of the car, her folder in her arm and pressed to her chest, still wearing her sunglasses.

“We’ll wait here,” Bucky murmured, when she turned back to look at them. “Unless -?”

“Stay here,” she said, lowering her glasses for a second. “I’ll call you if I need back up.”

“Love you,” Steve said, and she flashed a smile.

“Husbands,” she said, winking. She put her sunglasses back in place, as Bucky and Steve said together:

“Wife.”

She wore the little ring made of twine on her left hand that clutched the folder. She turned her heel, marching toward the school. She walked through the front doors instead of the back way, since it was the quickest way to Maria’s office.

When the doors shut behind her, she stopped at the front desk, seeing Lois sitting there. Flo was out the back, putting files away and stopped midway shutting a drawer when she spotted Darcy coming in.

Darcy lowered her glasses again, smiling wide.

“Hi. I have an appointment with Maria,” she said, watching Flo scurry back in, standing behind Lois.

The two women said nothing and Darcy turned her head slightly toward the door she came through.

“Blue skies today.”

“Maria’s expecting you?” Lois said, and Darcy looked at her, nodding.

“Yes,” she said, pretending to glance at the watch that wasn’t on her wrist. “God, _any_ second now. And you can tell Annabeth I’m here. I expect you were planning to, anyway.”

“You –”

Darcy walked off before Flo could get another word out, swinging her hips as she kept her head high. Maybe she should give herself more credit – she seemed pretty good at acting despite her anxiety that clawed at her insides. It spurred her on, the raging storm gathering behind her.

Maria was at her desk when Darcy let herself in, shutting the door.

She dropped the façade.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Maria echoed, her fingers steepled. She placed her hands on her desk, sitting up. “You don’t have to say anything –”

“Steve, Bucky and I –”

“Darcy,” Maria cut in, but Darcy pressed on.

“Steve, Bucky and I are together, the three of us. We kept it secret for obvious reasons,” she said. “When you hired me back in August, I knew you were taking a gamble. But I think I’ve proven my worth time and time again.”

Maria nodded, falling silent.

“I’m always tired, and afraid of screwing this up, but I love my job, and I love my life,” Darcy said, feeling the emotion seizing her by the throat, her words wobbling over time. “And I love them both so much, I love them completely.”

Her eyes misted.

“But if it’s about me leaving to make things right…”

“I’m not asking you to,” Maria said, and Darcy snapped her mouth shut. “I’ve had dozens of phone calls already this morning, countless emails from concerned parents, but I know I can’t dismiss you over something like your personal life. It’s discrimination.”

“What about your job?” Darcy asked.

“I think I’d argue we have more reasons to keep you than to let you go,” Maria said, smiling a little. “I’m sorry this happened, though, Darce. Really, it’s… so unfair.”

“What are parents saying?” Darcy murmured, ducking her gaze to her sunglasses as she took them off her face.

“They’re saying maybe we should reconsider who our children are around,” Maria said, her voice quieter. “Some want their kids to withdraw.”

Darcy had expected this, but it still hurt to hear. She hoped it wasn’t anyone whose kids she’d enjoyed being around. She nodded, biting her lip.

“It wasn’t Tommy,” she murmured. “Before you blame anyone –”

“How do you know that?” Maria asked.

Darcy opened the folder, pulling out several stills she’d taken from the dash camera footage. Steve had printed them for her.

“Lois and Flo,” Darcy murmured, pointing to the pictures she placed on Maria’s desk. “I know they don’t do anything without their ring leader.”

“Darcy…”

“It’s from my dash cam,” she said. “I got it after my car was spray painted. The car is my property, so I can record from the inside, it’s not illegal.”

Maria looked up from the pictures, staring at Darcy with her mouth open.

“If Tommy’s parents come in for a meeting, I want to be there, to apologize to Tommy in person,” she added. “Because that kid deserves better, from all of us.”

The door behind Darcy opened and her head whipped toward Annabeth, who barged in with wild eyes, a smile on her face.

“Well,” she said, glancing at Maria and Darcy. “Can’t say I’m surprised you had the nerve to show up today.”

Darcy gave her a long look, starting from her head then all the way down to her shoes, saying nothing.

“So it’s true, about you and those two?” Annabeth asked.

Maria stood up abruptly. “Darcy, don’t answer her –”

“It’s fine, Maria,” Darcy said, not taking her eyes off of Annabeth. “It’s true. It’s the three of us together."

Annabeth scoffed. “Who’s the man of the house?”

“Me,” Darcy replied instantly, though at Bucky’s apartment she was outnumbered three to one if she included Alpine.

“You’ll be leaving then,” Annabeth said. “The children don’t need a pervert working in the library.”

“I’ve done nothing wrong,” Darcy murmured. “But you’ve lied about the security cameras for months.”

“What? How –”

Maria picked up a picture from her desk and Annabeth glanced her way, going still. The colour seemed to drain from her face, her mouth gaping like a fish.

“I didn’t think I’d last a week here,” Darcy admitted, and Annabeth finally glanced back at her. “And maybe I’m a slow learner sometimes, but…”

“What the fuck is that?” Annabeth hissed. Darcy had never heard her curse before.

“Your little friends putting the flyers on the cars last night,” Darcy said. “And you knew exactly how to play it, making everyone find out at once. You tried to ruin our little life.”

“You can’t prove that,” Annabeth snapped, taking a step closer to Darcy. “All you have is a couple photos of Lois and Flo doing that, not me –”

“You think _the Mom Squad_ won’t sell you out?” Darcy said, feeling her lips curl in a smile. “And I bet that when Maria tried to find out who wrote ‘whore’ on my car that she couldn’t find that day’s security footage.”

“You’re right, I couldn’t,” Maria said.

“And I’ll bet you made sure Lois or Flo covered up the schedule so your alibi was perfect,” Darcy added.

Annabeth made another scoffing sound, putting her hands up, shrugging.

“Okay,” she said. “It’s not a crime to sleep with your colleagues, Darcy. I know that. Why the hell would I go to the trouble -?”

“Our reputations. The fact that Maria’s in charge after the principal left last year, too,” Darcy interjected. “You knew how delicate the balance was, and you exploited it. Like you’ve exploited everyone for years because you make enough fuss –”

“ _Enough_ , you are ridiculous,” Annabeth said, incredulous. “You’ve been here five minutes –”

“I’ve been here for months. I got the school ten thousand dollars,” Darcy retorted, balling her free hand into a fist.

There was a beat and she glared back at Annabeth, and she knew she was free.

“It’s not my fault Steve didn’t want you,” she said.

Annabeth dove for her, her hands grabbing her by the shoulders and turning her as Maria cried out:

“Annabeth, stop!”

 _“You little fucking whore!”_ Annabeth snarled, and Darcy was smacked into the wall, the back of her head making a hard enough impact that she was dazed.

Maria was pulling Annabeth off of her as Darcy went still as a statue, watching as Annabeth went on and on, pointing her finger in her face.

She called her every name under the sun. Darcy didn’t even heard half of the words as she stared at her.

“Get out, get out!” Maria yelled, and Annabeth finally backed away, her face red.

“This school is a joke!” she screamed, wrenching the door open. “By this time tomorrow, all of you will be out of a job. You are all disgusting, depraved –”

“Give it a rest, Annabeth,” Maria said with a sigh, passing a hand over her face.

Annabeth looked like she’d swallowed her own tongue, her mouth gaping again.

“You’re all going to Hell!”

Darcy finally managed to find her voice, feeling wrecked.

“Well, as long as my friends are there,” she murmured, shrugging a shoulder. “And there’s beer.”

Annabeth stalked out of the office, squawking along the way at Flo and Lois that she was leaving, and Darcy stayed behind with Maria, waiting for quiet. They exchanged a glance, Darcy signalling her with a nod that she was okay.

They heard footsteps fading and Darcy closed her eyes, sighing.

“Go,” Maria whispered, and Darcy glanced her way. “Go home, Darcy. Everything will be okay.”

“This is the best job I’ve ever had,” Darcy said, and Maria burst into a smile. “Truly.”

“And I’m on your side, no matter what.”

Darcy reached for Maria, surprised that her boss was letting her touch her, since she’d never seen her be physical with anyone. She pulled her into a tight hug.

“I want that in writing, ma’am,” Darcy said, and Maria laughed.

They broke apart and there was a knock.

Darcy’s eyes fell to a familiar figure and she flew to him.

“Sammy!”

“Hey,” he breathed, as she collided with him in a tight hug. “I heard screaming and Annabeth was sprinting through the parking lot…”

“There’s a lot to explain, but –”

Wanda appeared, her eyes wide. Darcy let go of Sam to kiss and hug her.

“What the hell just happened?”

“Wan-Wan!”

“Darce…”

She walked out the front of the school with Wanda and Sam, telling them what happened. They stopped in front of Steve’s car, the two men inside smiling at Darcy.

“So,” Sam said, and Bucky rolled his eyes. _“What?”_

“Don’t.”

“If I knew you were getting some I wouldn’t’ve been such a pain in the ass –”

“I doubt that,” Bucky said, and Darcy opened the back seat door, slipping inside.

“How long have you been together?” Wanda asked.

“Christmas,” Bucky said.

Wanda and Darcy’s eyes met. Darcy rolled down the window and reached for her hand, squeezing it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you –”

“It’s okay, Darcy,” she said, but she was a little quiet. “I… I just wish I could’ve been there for you longer. Fight the good fight.”

“You do that for me every day,” Darcy said. “I love you.”

There was a pause and Darcy felt Sam’s eyes on them, and the two women whined:

_“Why do people think we’re GAY?”_

“Y’know, I heard the rumor you guys were kissing last night backstage,” Sam said, stuffing his hands in his jacket pocket.

“Oh, no, that totally happened,” Darcy said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

Both Steve and Bucky turned around in their seats.

“What -?”

“We’re both straight,” Wanda said. “Unfortunately.”

“Right,” Steve said, drawing out the word. “Sounds pretty gay to me.”

They all began to laugh, and Darcy was relieved that the world hadn’t imploded. Not even twenty-four hours ago, she was convinced that their lives were ruined, but they were okay.

They were better than okay.

“We should go,” Sam said to Wanda and she groaned.

“Right,” she muttered, then nodded at Steve. “Enjoy your day off, Steeb.”

“You know I won’t,” he retorted.

“I’ll call you,” Darcy said, squeezing Wanda’s hand again.

She hoped she could be a better friend. She wanted to be honest with her. She wanted her to be like family, she wanted Wanda to know that she treasured her, because she did.

“Good luck with the play tonight,” she added, and Wanda smiled wider, and seeing it made Darcy feel so much better already.

“The kids don’t need us,” Wanda whispered.

When Wanda and Sam had disappeared, Darcy told them what happened with Maria and Annabeth. When she was finished Bucky kissed Darcy’s mouth, pulling back when Steve cleared his throat.

“What? You gettin’ impatient?” Bucky grumbled.

“Jerk.”

“Punk.”

Darcy kissed Steve, and he smiled into it, and she pulled back to kiss him on his nose.

“You wanna buy a ring today?” he murmured to her, and Darcy couldn’t keep the grin off her face.

“Yeah? And why’d we do something like that?”

“Knuckle duster,” he said, putting up his fist to demonstrate. “Big fuckin’ rock.”

“Mr Rogers,” Darcy chided.

“Wanna show you off,” he whispered. His eyes moved to rest on Bucky, his hand moving to squeeze his thigh. “Both of you.”

Darcy felt her eyes smart.

“We better go do that before I climb on top of either of you,” she whispered. “I can’t guarantee it won’t happen in public if you keep that shit up…”

She couldn't ignore how tender they were with her, taking turns to kiss and hold her.

"You're a tough lil' lady," Bucky whispered, kissing her forehead at a traffic light. "Stronger than me."

"Stronger than both of us," Steve murmured, and Bucky let out a breath of a laugh. "You'll have to teach us sometime."

"Anytime," Darcy murmured. "I've got a while..."

"How long?" Bucky said, and she smiled at him, chasing his lips for another kiss.

"Forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you very soon, my loves...
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw%22)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	50. Part Fifty: Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's the end. I'll see you on the other side.

_All these voices tell me hold on_   
_Soon he'll kiss and pull me close, so close_   
_Grippin' to you so hard_   
_Soon he'll kiss and pullin' me close, so close but_   
_I got pictures in my mind_   
_I can see it so clearly, see it all so bright_   
_I got pictures in my mind_   
_I can see it so clearly, see it all the time_   
**\- "visions" by Charli XCX**

_If I could fall into the sky_   
_Do you think time would pass me by?_   
_Oh 'cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles_   
_If I could just see you tonight_   
**\- "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton**

_I will always love you (love you)_   
_I'll love you forever (love)_   
_Even when we're not together_   
_I will always love you (love you)_   
_I'll love you forever_   
**\- "forever" by Charli XCX**

_I just might love you forever_   
_I hope you warm up to me_   
_I think you might be my angel_   
**\- "Charlie" by Mallrat**

**Part Fifty: Epilogue**

**SUMMER**

“I can’t do this.”

Bucky met her eyes in the mirror, flashing a warm smile as he clutched the towel draped over his shoulders.

“Sure you can.”

He always promised her he’d never cut his hair, which was why he’d recruited her to do it for him. She looked down at the clippers in her hand, contemplating the ON switch.

“You ready?” she asked, and he smiled again.

“Born ready, baby.”

She flicked the switch with her thumb, the clippers whirring into life. She held her breath, hovering above him as she picked up a piece of his long hair. When he wore it loose, it fell past his shoulders. Darcy couldn’t deny he’d benefit from at least some of it being cut, but he was asking for something pretty drastic.

“C’mon,” he whispered, and she nodded.

“Okay…”

She ran the clippers up the side of his head, pieces of dark hair falling to the tiles of his bathroom. More fell as she moved in a small circle around him, clumps of hair falling on his bare feet and sweat pants. The towel didn’t seem enough to stop hair falling on him anyway.

“There’s so much…”

“Yeah, that’s why it’s gotta go,” Bucky retorted. “It’s drivin’ me nuts.”

He’d been complaining for weeks, quiet little grumbles when he was sweaty and sticky, which was often enough. Darcy noted he wasn’t looking at himself in the mirror anymore, instead keeping his gaze on the floor as Darcy worked quickly.

“How short are we talking?”

“Shorter,” Bucky said. “Like…”

He took the clippers from her, replacing the plastic fitting for a smaller one from the bag on the sink. He snapped it into place and handed it back to Darcy.

“Bucky…”

“But longer on top, I don’t want a shaved head.”

Darcy bit her lip, getting back to it. At one point, she took out her phone to check the time. Bucky reached out to touch her thigh behind him.

“How long we got?”

“Forty-five minutes until we go,” she murmured. “I still need to do _my_ hair. Where is Steve?”

Darcy was currently wearing rollers and one of Steve’s t-shirts and not much else. Bucky chuckled.

“Probably started chattin’ with the guy that owns the –”

There was the distant sound of the front door opening and shutting and Steve appeared in the doorway half a minute later, his arms full of dry cleaning bags.

He stopped, his eyes falling to Bucky.

“What happened to you?” he said, and Darcy glanced over her shoulder at him.

“You talking to him or me?”

His eyes widened at Bucky sitting on the chair in front of Darcy, and then he burst into a grin.

“Jesus, Buck…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bucky muttered, scrubbing his face, and Steve made his way over, ducking his head to kiss Bucky’s cheek. “It’s a work in progress.”

“You’re gonna get hair everywhere,” Darcy murmured, pointing to Steve’s shoes.

“Shit, sorry, hon –”

“Get dressed…”

He walked out, but he kept coming back to check on them. At one point, appeared in half a suit, fumbling his cufflinks, and Darcy put down her scissors to help fasten them.

“Almost done?” he murmured, and Darcy nodded.

“I still think a barber would’ve been a better idea –”

“I don’t want some asshole cuttin’ my hair,” Bucky said. He lowered his voice when Steve disappeared again to find his tie. “Does it look okay?”

“See for yourself,” Darcy retorted.

She stepped back, flicking remnants of shorn hair from his face and ears, pressing a kiss to his temple. Bucky stood up, taking the towel off his bare shoulders, falling silent as he stared back at himself in the mirror.

Steve walked back in, pulling his tie into place, and he stopped mid-step.

“Buck, you’re beautiful.”

“Do I look like I did… before?” he murmured, not turning around.

Darcy glanced at Steve, trying her best to read his face. She had seen photographs of them as children, teenagers and young adults, before they joined the Army, years before she met either of them. It was like Bucky had stepped out of another time, but he clearly wasn’t the same.

He seemed shy, unsure. He wet his lips with his tongue.

“You look different,” Steve said.

“You like me better like this?” he said, and Steve shook his head.

“I love you in every way, Bucky,” he murmured, and he moved up beside him, taking hold of his chin and turning his face toward his, his lips brushing his. “You’re beautiful, always.”

Bucky kissed him, closing his eyes as Steve clutched his waist, taking his lip between his two.

Darcy had gone still, watching them. She glanced away, an old habit that she’d tried desperately to shake over the last few months.

“Darce.”

She looked at Bucky, who was reaching for her hand and pulling her closer.

“Thank you,” he murmured, and he kissed her slowly, thoroughly.

“Probably a botch job,” she muttered, when they finally broke apart.

“He looks great,” Steve said.

Bucky cleaned up while Darcy finished up. It didn’t surprise her that she was the one they ended up waiting for, but she was glad Bucky didn’t grumble about it like usual. It wasn’t like they were only skipping down to the road to catch a movie and get dinner.

It was July 5th. Though Steve’s birthday was only yesterday, the major event that eclipsed the week was Sam and Kelly’s wedding.

Darcy kept staring at Bucky in his suit and tie, with his bare face and short hair. Steve motioned to Bucky’s cheeks with his fingers when Bucky was pulling on his jacket.

“I can see all of you,” Steve said. “I’m gonna get too excited.”

Darcy snorted from her spot in front of the mirror, spritzing her hair with hair spray. She glanced at her phone and felt a spike of anxiety, since they were running a few minutes late. She pulled the shirt off and tugged on her control wear alone in the bathroom as Steve and Bucky watched TV. She managed to slip into her dress and put on a pair of chandelier earrings before she picked up her matching clutch, taking one last glance in the mirror. She took a second to adjust the chain on her Star of David, and it looked perfect where it lay against her skin when she stood back.

“Okay, I’m ready,” she called.

She walked into the living room, her heels clacking on the floor. Alpine mewed up at her as Bucky’s mouth fell open and Steve grinned at her with his lip between his teeth.

“How do I look?” she said, smiling. She felt her cheeks heat as she looked down at the two men on the couch, the TV ignored.

She wore her hair in one long, wavy curtain over one shoulder, her lips painted red to match her nails. Her dress was a sleek champagne-coloured sleeveless satin gown that pooled at the floor, cinching in at the waist with a plunging neckline.

For several seconds, neither Steve nor Bucky said a word, until Steve’s chin met his chest and he let out a breath of a laugh. Bucky blurted:

“Do we have to go?”

“Yeah, I vote we stay behind,” Steve said, raising a hand.

She knew they were both joking – there was no way they were missing the wedding – but it was flattering to hear.

“Maybe we can sneak out the second they cut the cake,” Darcy joked, checking her purse for her phone and other essentials.

She smirked at Steve, who she knew would hate missing out on anything sweet.

-

The reception was held under a large tent in a neighbouring park from the church. It was one of the larger weddings Darcy had ever been to, with over a hundred guests spread across several tables, everything laden with flowers and tea lights with paper lanterns overhead.

Darcy sat between Steve and Bucky at the table reserved for Sacred Heart guests, flapping her fan she’d made out of the wedding program she was handed outside the church. Wanda had done the same, shifting in her seat beside Jarvis as they watched the speeches.

Darcy’s heart was beating fast, a nervous anticipation fluttering in her stomach as she kept her eye on Sam throughout, waiting for his signal. She met eyes with Laura Barton more than once across the table, giving her a conspiratorial wink when Clint caught them.

“What’re you up to?” he murmured in Laura’s ear, and his wife shrugged a shoulder.

“Nothing…”

Darcy smirked, looking away, Steve’s fingers on the back of her neck as she listened to the father of the bride recount meeting Sam for the first time. If they were going by the timeline Sam had given them, Darcy had only a few minutes.

“You okay?” she heard Steve ask, and she looked at him, blinking.

“Hmm?”

“What’s up?”

He could read her too well. Darcy mimicked Laura’s shrug, then picked up her glass of soda water to take a sip. She’d switch to something stronger later, when she didn’t need to be focused.

She glanced around the tent, seeing so many strangers, and she wondered if she was in over her head, but then she reminded herself that this wasn’t her day, and most likely she wouldn’t be noticed by so many people as the entire reception. She dragged her eyes across their table, from Maria to Natasha to Hope and Scott to Clint and Laura to Betty and Bruce to Wanda and Jarvis, then finally to Bucky’s hand that moved to cover her thigh and give it a gentle squeeze, his eyes looking the other way.

“And now, the groom would like a word…”

The tent erupted in warm laughter and Darcy’s eyes snapped to Sam’s, her heart hammering. He picked up the mic at the long table at the very front of the tent that held the wedding parties and his new in-laws, and he drew in a breath as he placed a hand on Kelly’s shoulder below.

“I was hoping I’d get some help with this one.”

His eyes swung toward the empty dance floor, and Darcy rose from her chair.

“Wait, what?” Wanda said.

Darcy tried to keep her face neutral as she moved from the table and toward the dance floor, slipping behind Sam who now stood in the middle of the dancefloor, his eyes glued to Kelly.

Darcy passed him to walk toward the little piano that sat to the side of the stage, unclaimed, and she sunk into the chair, taking a deep breath as the tent went deadly silent. Laura had also stood from her chair and quickly made her way to the guitar that stood beside the piano.

As Darcy began the opening notes, she could hear some of the crowd recognising the tune, with some happy laughter.

Kelly gasped, collapsing in surprised laughter.

“No! NO!”

Sam lifted the mic once more and Darcy felt herself smile as he began to sing.

_Makin' my way downtown_

_Walkin' fast, faces pass and I'm homebound_

He’d practised for weeks, with Darcy and Laura in secret. Darcy was surprised any of them were able to keep it under wraps. She’d hummed it often enough while moving around Bucky’s apartment in between sessions.

_Starin' blankly ahead, just making my way_

_Makin' a way through the crowd_

Darcy and Laura worked in perfect synchronicity, so maybe her nerves weren’t warranted.

_And I need you_

_And I miss you_

_And now I wonder_

The crowd began to cheer as Sam got to the chorus, and Darcy was laughing, her eyes glancing over at Kelly who’d turned bright red as she clutched her face and laughed.

_If I could fall into the sky_

_Do you think time would pass me by?_

_'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles_

_If I could just see you tonight_

Laura’s playing was exceptional. No wonder Clint fell for her so hard so fast when he saw her performing all those years ago. The whole crowd was cheering or singing along by the time they got to the bridge.

_And I, I don't wanna let you know_

_I, I drown in your memory_

_I, I don't wanna let this go_

_I, I don't_

Everyone was singing and laughing, Darcy included. She looked over at their table and saw even Bucky and Steve were singing, both of them beaming at her.

_Makin' my way downtown_

_Walkin' fast, faces pass and I'm homebound_

_Starin' blankly ahead, just making my way_

_Makin' a way through the crowd_

_And I still need you_

_And I still miss you_

_And now I wonder_

_If I could fall into the sky_

_Do you think time would pass us by?_

_'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles_

_If I could just see you_

During the final moments, it was just Sam and Darcy again, and she could see Kelly was overcome, rising from her chair to race over to Sam, who rose a hand to cup her jaw.

_If I could fall into the sky_

_Do you think time would pass me by?_

_'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles_

_If I could just see you_

_If I could just hold you_

_Tonight_

Darcy played out the final chords, the newlyweds laughing together.

“You fucking dork,” Kelly whispered into the mic, and the tent erupted in laughter once more as they kissed, and Darcy felt her eyes mist.

When they broke apart, Sam rose a hand to Laura.

“Laura Barton, everyone. Big hand for Laura Barton.”

Laura rose a hand to wave and put the guitar back on its stand, and Sam grinned at Darcy, along with Kelly.

“And Darcy Lewis, everyone –”

“YEAH!” came a yell from their table, and Darcy saw Bucky cupping his mouth with both hands as he stood with Steve and Wanda cheering.

Darcy laughed, ducking her head self-consciously.

-

“Sweatin’ like a sonofabitch,” Clint muttered, slumping in the chair beside Darcy, moving her feet from it as she scowled at him. “What? Put your feet down.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, you ain’t my dad,” she retorted with a laugh.

“Is this still the table where we still talk shit about Annabeth?” came a voice, and Darcy glanced up at Sam, whose hand landed on her shoulder to squeeze her affectionately.

“Why, what happened?”

He’d been dancing for a while, and Darcy hadn’t had the chance to properly catch up. He’d been pulled in too many directions. He pressed a kiss to her cheek and pulled back, his brows hiking.

“So, two days ago, I was at Ralph’s.”

“Uh-huh.”

“We’re both grabbing loaves of bread,” Sam went on. “She looks at me, and steps away from her cart and walks the fuck out of the store.”

Darcy snorted, and Clint frowned.

“Sure she knew it was you?”

“Uh, _yeah_ , I was the only black dude, I stuck out,” Sam retorted. “So, I guess that’s a plus, I don’t have to pretend we were ever friends if we see each other in the street.”

Annabeth had left Sacred Heart the day she attacked Darcy in Maria’s office and never came back. Flo and Lois left by the end of the week. There was an overwhelming number of parents that decided to sign a petition for Darcy, Steve and Bucky to stay on as staff. Tia Rothschild was the one to organize it and pass it on to Catholic Education New York.

Darcy had managed to come out relatively unscathed, though some families had chosen to leave the school, either out of solidarity with Annabeth or because they were horrified by the revelations. Darcy didn’t share her personal life with any parents except Tia Rothschild, and only her friends among the staff ever found out the truth, too.

Her eyes fell to Bucky who sat with Bruce, deep in their own conversation Darcy was getting snippets of.

“Where’s Blondie?” Clint asked, and Darcy quirked a brow at him.

“You’re one to talk,” Laura said, coming up behind him to kiss his hair. “Are you dancing some more, or are you out for good, old man?”

“I’ll be there in a sec,” Clint murmured. “I just wondered if Steve already bailed –”

“No, he’s…” Darcy craned her neck, looking around. “I think I lost him.”

Steve appeared a few minutes later with Wanda, both of them carrying flutes of champagne. Darcy beamed up at him, pulling him into a kiss as Clint clicked his tongue.

“Yeah, I’m out –”

“Don’t listen to him, you two,” Laura said, stage-whispering to them. “He’s a big softie and loves your love, he just doesn’t want you to see him get choked up…”

Darcy smirked at Clint, who was shaking his head and pulling his wife back into the crowd.

Wanda was tugging Jarvis up from his chair and Bruce met Darcy’s eye a beat later.

“You want him back?” he asked, meaning Bucky.

“You should go dance with Betty,” Darcy said, and Bruce made a face at her. “It’s fine if you’ve got two left feet, weddings are forgiving that way.”

“If I see anyone recording a video on their phone…” Bruce began, rising from his chair, and Darcy flashed a grin.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Doc.”

She was left with her favourite men, choosing to sit in Bucky’s lap as she sipped her drink, Steve’s eyes resting on them both with Darcy’s spare hand between his two.

“What were you and Bruce talking about?” Darcy asked.

Bucky looked up at her, a finger tracing her cheekbone.

“He’s got a credenza he wants me to look at,” Bucky murmured.

Darcy kept staring at him because she could see more of his face. He was so exposed without facial hair or his long mane in the way, his eyes so big and blue that stared into hers.

“Is that what you crazy boys are calling it these days?” Darcy said, and his lip pulled into a smirk.

“Nah, Bruce ain’t my type,” Bucky retorted.

“How come?” Steve asked, and Bucky turned his head slightly, exposing more of his neck to Darcy, and she smelt his cologne again.

It was the one he and Steve shared, the woodsy, warm one that made Darcy want to roll around and purr like Alpine.

“He’s not six feet tall, blond and blue-eyed,” Bucky said, cocking a brow. “And he’s not a pain in my ass.”

“Huh,” Steve said, pretending to lean back and consider his words. “It’s like you got someone in mind.”

“Maybe,” Bucky murmured.

He looked down at Darcy’s ring that shone under the soft lights of the lanterns overhead. He sobered, looking at Darcy once more.

“Anyone starin’ at us?”

“Maybe,” Darcy said.

She hadn’t checked. She used to do that more often when they were out in public, feeling like her insides were on the outside for anyone to see. She’d told Gavin, a few days after Annabeth exposed them. She only managed to tell Rachel in little instalments, and her mother didn’t seem altogether for it, but she also hadn’t rejected Darcy entirely.

“I don’t care,” she added, and Bucky blinked up at her. “Do you?”

“Nah,” he said. “Let ‘em stare. I’m too busy starin’ and both of ya, anyway.”

Darcy kissed him on the lips, reaching for Steve a moment later. She spotted someone from another table watching them and rolled her eyes as Steve changed the subject. 

“You gonna give Bruce a discount?”

Bucky chuckled. “Fuck that.”

It was the day after Annabeth left that Bucky put in a formal resignation. He wrote it on the back of a utility bill and handed it to Maria. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the job in the first place, he just didn’t want to lose sleep over it anymore, and Darcy could picture Maria taking it from him with a knowing smile on her face, never taking offence. She’d be glad to see him moving on to better things, which he had since.

His business was barely off the ground, but Darcy had managed to help him set up a website and store for restoring furniture. He also advertised his creations there alongside the commissions he had coming in. He’d only been doing it for two months but Darcy could already sense the change in him, since he was his own boss now.

“Are we not gonna talk about the fact that you just fuckin’ played that song in front of everyone?” Bucky said, and Darcy sensed he was self-conscious and wanting to transfer the attention to her, squeezing her hip and leaning in to kiss her on the lips. “Huh? Where the fuck did you come from?”

“What’s a credenza?” Steve joked, and Darcy grinned at him, winking.

“It’s Italian for ‘mind your business’, punk,” Bucky said.

-

Bucky moved Darcy in a slow circle, her arms around his neck. They danced on the edge of the crowd, out of time to the song. They’d left Steve behind with Maria, Darcy’s eyes falling to his every so often as she and Bucky turned.

“How long do you think we oughta stay?” Bucky asked.

“You wanna leave?” she asked, and he glanced down at her.

His eyes were soft and warm, which Darcy took as a good sign. He hadn’t had a panic attack in a few weeks, and he’d been sleeping better. It helped that it was the middle of summer vacation, so many stressors gone until August, but Darcy knew cutting his hair would have brought up a lot of memories he might not want to dwell on.

“No,” he whispered, and he leaned down to hold her closer than ever. “I’m good.”

“I’m so glad,” Darcy whispered back. “I love you.”

She smiled up at him, feeling the room get smaller. Bucky took one of her arms from around his neck and pressed a kiss to her knuckles, his lips brushing the cluster of diamonds in her ring.

“Did you picture your life endin’ up this way?” he whispered.

Darcy’s lips parted and she blinked at him. She suspected a wedding to bring out these types of emotions. When she’d been to her cousin’s a few years ago, she’d wondered why Ian hadn’t asked her to be his wife. He’d already met Amy by then, so the memory was always going to be a little tainted.

“No,” she breathed. “Did you?”

“I didn’t think I’d live this long,” Bucky whispered, his face changing. He blinked hard, a tell-tale sign he was feeling overwhelmed, but he smiled down at her. “I didn’t think I’d get this far -”

His eyes swung over to Steve for a second before he looked back at Darcy.

“- I mean, if you met me ten years ago, you would’ve thought the same –”

“Bucky,” she cut in, feeling an urgency take over her. “Is this what you want? The three of us, is that what you really want?”

“Yes,” he said, and they stopped moving, his hands taking hold of her face. “It’s exactly what I want. I promise –”

“But what if you could stay at the school, and I went somewhere else?” she said, and he smiled at her, shaking his head as she pressed on. “Is the furniture business what you want?”

“Me fixin’ shit?” he said, and she nodded. “I dunno. I don’t know what I wanna do with my life, but that’s okay. It’s okay.”

“Okay,” she murmured. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m not done being insecure…”

“You’re not insecure,” Bucky murmured, kissing her lightly on the lips, putting his hands on her waist. “You’re just checkin’ in on me. What about you?”

“I’ve never been happier,” Darcy said.

“Yeah?”

Her head whipped toward the voice she recognized as Steve’s, who was standing behind her, and she stared up at him.

“You sure you mind me wreckin’ that right now, sweetheart?” he asked, and Darcy frowned in confusion.

“Wait…”

He bit his lip, putting out a hand, and Darcy stared down at it.

“You wanna dance?”

Darcy burst into a grin, taking his hand. Bucky made to move away, but Steve grabbed him by the shoulder, Darcy between them.

“You stay here,” Steve said, and Bucky’s eyes flashed with what Darcy recognized as desire, and her stomach flipped. “The three of us…”

They waltzed together in the same slow circle, with Darcy’s face pressed to Steve’s chest, Bucky behind her. Every so often she heard Bucky or Steve murmur something, heard kisses between them and promises of more later.

-

Darcy skipped down the steps, practically bouncing as she raced down to the car, carrying the last bag in one hand.

“Ready?” she called, and Steve turned in his spot beside the car, moving to kiss her, his hands behind his back.

When they broke apart, she was handed a wrapped present and she frowned.

“What’s this?”

“Open it on the way,” Steve said, giving her butt a little pat as he opened the passenger seat.

Bucky was already sitting in the driver’s seat, tight-lipped when Darcy shot him a look.

“Wait – is this for me?”

“I’d like to think so,” Steve said, shutting his door.

Darcy stowed the bag on the floor in the backseat before sitting down and pulling on her seatbelt. She shot Steve a look when he turned in his seat to watch her begin to rip open the present as Bucky pulled out of the parking lot.

“It was your birthday, you can’t be giving me presents, too,” Darcy chided. “That ain’t fair…”

“It was about time I gave you one of my favorites –”

Steve cut himself off when Darcy turned the book over, seeing it was a copy of _To Kill A Mockingbird_ , and she stared down at it.

“Oh… _honey_ ,” she breathed, and she pulled Steve into a kiss, pulling back to open the book, freezing at the inscription.

**_To my wife_ **

**_My strength comes from you_ **

**_And I believe in you completely_ **

**_Yours forever_ **

**_S_ **

She burst into tears, and she reached for Steve again, kissing him hard.

“Hey, I didn’t think it was _that bad_ ,” Steve said, laughing, and Darcy could hear his voice changing with emotion, too, as she gripped him tight as she could.

“Shut up,” she whispered, happy tears beginning to fall.

-

Bucky drove as Darcy read aloud from the backseat. They reached their destination as the afternoon sun warmed Darcy’s skin through the window. Bucky parked and Darcy kept looking around.

“You grew up here?”

“This street, yeah,” he murmured, watching her.

They got out, and Darcy took out her phone.

“Can I…? Can I take a picture?” she asked, and the two men exchanged a glance.

“You heard her,” Steve said, and Bucky made a face.

Darcy angled her phone, Steve’s arm slung across Bucky’s shoulders. They stood beside Steve’s car with the church in the background. There were kids playing in the street, people out enjoying the seemingly perfect weather.

Bucky smiled, showing his teeth.

“So handsome,” Darcy cooed, and Bucky rolled his eyes a second later.

Steve pressed a kiss to his cheek and she took more photos, grinning back at them.

-

Darcy couldn’t shake this feeling that had been building up inside her for days, ever since Sam and Kelly’s wedding.

She could feel it coming to a head as they reached their room they rented in Brooklyn, dropping their bags on the floor as they glanced around the apartment.

“Looks good,” Steve said. “Better than they used to be…”

He’d said the place looked eerily familiar to the apartment he used to have when he still lived in Brooklyn, before he finished his teaching qualification years ago.

“Lot better than my old place,” Bucky added.

Darcy went to the window, glancing down at the people in the street. The sun had begun to set and she checked her phone’s clock.

“Past dinnertime?” Steve asked, and Bucky nodded emphatically.

“I don’t know how you can think of your stomachs at a time like this,” Darcy said, the words tumbling out of her, her stomach flipping.

Steve’s brow furrowed.

“You okay?”

“No,” Darcy said, and she could feel she’d begun to shake.

She bit her lip hard, feeling her eyes smart. She sucked in a breath, letting it go shakily, and she wrung her hands, walking back over to them.

“Don’t you realize what happens, now?” she whispered, looking from Bucky to Steve. “I can’t… I can’t be without either of you, I can’t – I can’t imagine not being with you. How am I supposed to survive any of this?”

“Where’s this comin’ from?” Bucky asked, and Darcy let out a breathless laugh. “I mean, we’re married.”

“It hadn’t really sunk in, until…”

“Kelly and Sam?” Steve said, and she nodded.

“Everything just feels… like, _perfect_ ,” she whispered, and she felt a few tears spill over. “I keep thinking the other foot’s gonna drop, like… I dunno, maybe there’s a catch.”

“No,” Steve said, and Bucky shook his head. “I mean, you’re married to us, that’s gotta be work.”

“Yeah, we’re assholes,” Bucky whispered, but his eyes had turned glassy.

Darcy whimpered and moved toward Bucky to kiss him, his tongue sweeping into her mouth. She felt Steve’s lips on her cheek and she turned toward him, his lips crashing into hers.

“I can’t stop shaking,” she whispered, beginning to tremble.

She’d been keeping this buried inside since Steve got the idea that they visit Brooklyn together, to have a short reprieve from Nassau County for a few days.

“We’ll take care of you,” Bucky whispered, nuzzling her neck. “Right, Stevie?”

“Always,” Steve whispered, pressing a lingering kiss to her lips.

If they were other men, Darcy knew she’d never survive being this vulnerable. She couldn’t keep her eyes dry as they made love, stripping her bare and kissing her all over, pulling the pleasure out of her with hands and mouths before Bucky was inside her to the hilt.

He moved slow and achingly gentle at first, until Darcy pressed a heel into his ass and gasped in his ear.

“I’m yours, you don’t scare me…”

And then he was off, his hips snapping as his hand was deep in her hair, his other gripping her ass to angle her hips to hit the perfect spot, the spot that made Darcy cry out, her toes curling. With her hand wrapped around Steve’s shaft, she couldn’t keep quiet even with her mouth sealed by Steve’s or Bucky’s lips.

By the time he’d finished inside her, Bucky was crying, his face screwed up as they sweated and panted together, limbs tangling as Darcy felt him twitch inside her and turn rigid above her.

Steve caught him in a searing kiss, brushing tears away as Darcy sucked on Bucky’s pulse point, everything dazed from the heat and the charged air…

“God,” Bucky breathed, rolling onto his back, pulling out of Darcy.

Steve surged into her, keeping Bucky close as he pushed inside her, her breath hitching as he set a punishing pace, making Darcy feel so full and wanted, like he couldn’t hide just how much he always wanted her, wanted them both.

“He’s gonna come fast,” Bucky panted, chuckling breathlessly as Steve took deep strokes of her, her chin in his hand.

“Fuck,” Steve gasped. “She’s gotta come first, though, Buck…”

Darcy managed to take hold of Steve’s hand and bring his fingers to her lips, and he bucked harder than ever as she sucked his fingers with dark eyes.

Steve pressed his wet fingers to her clit and Darcy’s back arched, her eyes squeezing shut.

The edges of her vision had begun to darken and she could feel the coil inside her pull tight as a bow string.

“There she is,” Bucky breathed, watching Darcy come apart with her mouth falling open.

Both men laughed, and Darcy’s head fell back on the pillow, feeling cockdrunk and dumb, the room spinning…

It didn’t stop when Steve finished. The night was blended with lovemaking, drinking and food, the city outside a constant background noise, and Darcy could feel it again, the belonging she’d resisted when she first noticed it back during Rosh Hashanah.

She belonged there, between them, as free as she could possibly be.

She showered, crawling between them, over the pile of naked limbs, sighing happily as she flopped down between them.

Bucky leaned down to suck her nipple lazily, while Steve’s face was buried in her neck. The air smelled of sex, and eventually they’d have to get dressed again and air the place out, but not yet.

Not yet.

Bucky yawned, and Darcy pressed a kiss to his forehead, her hand in his hair, still not used to it being shorter. It was still so soft in her fingers. She did the same to Steve’s hair with her other hand, as he cuddled into her side, their eyes meeting.

“You know, I loved you since the moment I saw you,” he whispered.

“What?” Darcy said, her stomach flipping.

“Both of you,” he added.

Darcy swallowed hard, cupping his face.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, smiling.

Bucky had lifted his head, staring at Steve.

“We were six when we met.”

“Yeah,” Steve said again. “I’m kinda a hopeless romantic that way.”

They shared a kiss and broke apart eventually, their noses brushing as Bucky’s chin quivered. Steve sniffled, clearing his throat, his eyes meeting Darcy’s.

“Tell us the story.”

“Hmm?” she murmured, stroking his cheek.

“The story of us,” he said.

They settled back down on either side of her, and Darcy sighed again.

“Again?”

“Yeah…”

Her eyes began to close as she stroked their hair, beginning the story.

“There was once a girl…”

-

Darcy contemplated the photo frames she arranged on her shelves. They were the same shelves Bucky made her last year, full of books and little mementos, like the _Alice_ program she’d kept, and a receipt from a diner in Concord they visited in February.

She looked at the other frames, the one of Jane and Thor together at the beach, Jane’s head thrown back as she laughed, Thor beaming down at her. She looked so tiny in his giant, muscly arms with the water behind them.

There was the one of Rachel and Darcy, when Darcy was little and dressed as Dorothy for Halloween. She had the same gap in her teeth since she was a baby, and this was the photographic proof of that.

There was a space, and then another frame of herself with Wanda, staring at one another at O’Sullivan’s, their two straws sharing the same cocktail, giggling at one another tipsily.

Darcy placed the framed photo of Bucky and Steve together in Brooklyn, Steve kissing Bucky’s cheek as he grinned from ear to ear, in the free space.

She stepped back, hearing a soft chirrup at her feet, and glanced down at Alpine.

“Hey, widdle baby… where’d your daddies go?” she whispered, scooping him up and kissing his face.

She walked off with him in her arms, sighing contentedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I love you 3000. Thank you for indulging my little world, thank you for every comment and kudos, thank you for being there, even if you only lurk. I appreciate you, I see you. Stay safe.
> 
> They lived happily ever after. ❤
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21B3EI4DkFQQm3SPiQ8ybt?si=dACYu8B4S_COy0Urna8ldw)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


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